In the Life
by OneCanOnlyHope
Summary: Chapter 110 is up now... Life in the ER, complicated, never boring, new love, old love, heartaches, car accidents... you never know what just might happen when the sun comes up tomorrow or if it will ever come up.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Valentine's Day

John Carter walked over to Doc Magoo's. He had finally gotten a break. It had been one of those hectic days. Most people didn't know that he still thought of _her_ once an awhile. But after his shift, he was going to go visit her grave. He needed to visit and say 'Hi'. She sometimes helped him with his problems. He never felt like he was talking to himself, when he went to Lucy's grave. He just wanted the day to get over with.

Pratt was on his nerves again. He had figured out that Chen and Pratt were dating. He didn't talk to Chen much anymore, but they were still good friends. Gallant, was becoming a better student, which was good. It was sometimes hard to be near the med students. But he hid it well.

Carter looked at the time. He had order his lunch, and then watched as the time go by. He then went back to work. A few hours later and his day was over. He walked into the lounge. He was finally on his way out for the night. He took his lab coat off and put in the locker. After he put his jacket on he left for the day, and went to visit Lucy's grave.

"Hey Lucy, it's Carter. Well my life is been... well... hectic these last few years, but now its gotten better. I'm in love with someone. She was here a little after you ever came to county. She was a med student then, and now she's back as Nurse," He said to her as he talked to her grave.

"Maybe you sent her to me. Because when I'm around her I feel... well... special. I haven't felt that way in along time. Maybe you were the one that answered my prayers every night. I don't know Luce, but one thing is I miss you around the ER. You would of been a great doctor. I know this was Sobrieki's fault, and well you didn't deserve to die so young, and you had a whole life ahead of you.

"I mean here I am blabbing on, and you probably don't want to hear me talking like this. Well Luce your one in a million and I miss you, every day I do." As he set down a dozen roses, he continued "I brought you some flowers today. Like I always do. I always think you deserve to have flowers, even if your still not with us."

Carter stood up, and said a prayer before he left the grave site. He then headed off to his own home to think about his day, and what the rest of the night brought to him. Later that night, he couldn't think of what to do, so he went back to work. He went into the lounge, and heard someone come into the lounge.

It was Valentines Day. A day Abby would remember forever. It was the day her best friend was stabbed and another med student killed. She had thought about going to Lucy's grave but she didn't know if she should. Getting stuck with night shifts two days in a row decide for her. She walked into the lounge to find Carter already there. "Hey."

Carter looked up as he saw Abby standing there as he just shut his locker, "Hey," he replied, as he put his lab coat and stethoscope back on. He knew he was off, but he needed to work. He needed to keep his mind off of this horrible day. "How are you?" He asked her as he closed his locker.

Carter turned around, before Abby could say anything, Susan had walked into the lounge, "Hey" He said to her, as he yawned. He was suppose to be off not on, but he couldn't sleep. He wished Lucy was still here, and had gotten to meet Susan to.

Susan could feel the tension in the air. Carter was sitting down and Abby was by her locker. They were just staring at each other. She had heard about what had happened Valentine's day a few years ago and was aware that it still bothered Carter. "Hey!" Her cheerful voice shattered the silence and snapped both Carter and Abby's attention to her.

"Somebody woke up on the right side of the bed." Abby said teasingly. Susan always seemed so cheerful. Carter watched the exchange between the two. He was glad they had ended up as really great friends.

Susan could tell Carter looked stressed and sad. She really didn't know what to say for the risk of saying something bad. She walked over to her locker and fumbled with the combination. Once it was opened she slid off her wet jacket. The cold Chicago snow had been falling and everyone knew it was going to be a cold winter. She walked over to Carter and was about to put her hand on his shoulder when a beeper went off.

Carter looked at Susan. "It's not me," He said to her. Carter looked at the clock. "Well if you excuse me I think I'm going to get to work," He said, to the two ladies. He _needed_ to work, and tonight looked slower to him. He couldn't stand it .

Carol walked into the ER, it had been a long day, but she was coming back to the ER with Doug, She looked up to see people coming out of the lounge. What shocked her the most was to see Susan there. "Oh my God Susan!" She said to her friend. It had been a long time.

"Carol! Oh my gosh!" Susan was so glad to see Carol. It seemed like it had been forever. She grabbed her into a big hug and started laughing. "What are you doing here?"

Carol smiled at Susan. "Well I want to be back in Chicago, I miss it here, and of course we need to catch up later."

Susan was glad Carol and Doug had decided to come back. As they started to catch up, Susan realized that it was her beeper that had went off. "I am really sorry. I have to go. Let's get dinner tonight if you are free. I am so glad your back!" She grabbed her into a huge hug again. As she passed the front desk she heard the news: multiple GSWs coming in. As she prepped for the patient she hoped that Carter would be working this one with her. She had to figure out what to say to him.

Doug had only been a few steps behind Carol when she came in but he could see she was talking to old friends. He had never been much on confrontations so he decided to let her have some time to do it. He followed her to the lounge where she was putting things in her newly assigned locker. "Tell me why you wanted to come back to the windy city again! It's freezing Baby!"

Carol laughed. "Doug you want to know why, I miss it here, and I thought you did to."

Carter saw Abby was sitting on the couch, and then heard multiple GSW. "Are you coming?" He asked Abby. "Come on let's go help Susan." He said as he ran out the door with hoping she was behind him.

Abby heard Carter ask her if she was coming and then tell her they should help Susan before she got a chance to answer. "Sure. Why not?" She said half sarcastically even though she didn't think Carter was paying attention. She followed him to the trauma room where she waited to she if she was needed.

Carter got to a trauma room. "What we got?" He asked. He did actually overheard her Abby's comment. "Are you OK?" He asked her as they were working on the trauma, "Get a CBC, chem seven." He shouted as he waited for Abby to answer him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She was helping Lydia with the blood work. "Just tired. Why?" She said as turned around from the patient.

Carter looked at her. "I was concerned, is that OK? "He asked her. They were almost finished with this trauma. He could tell Susan was watching them interact as well.

As the patient crashed they finished compressions. "Time of death 16:12." Susan looked up at Carter's face. He seemed really distant and she didn't know what to do.

Carter looked at Susan as she called it. It was hard for him to cope with death, he watched her leave. He and Abby followed her to the lounge. Doug and Carol were in there, still, as well.

"Well, I am going for a food run, what can I get you guys?"

"I'm not hungry." Carter said to her as he looked at Abby, and waited for her response. Also he could tell Susan wanted to talk about something with him.

If it was about food, Doug heard it. "Chicken fingers... pickle... diet coke... and something sweet. Maybe an apple pie?" He grabbed a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet. "Thanks Suze, I owe you!"

Carol couldn't laugh as Susan asked about food. ''You're that hungry mister?" She asked him. She thought about the question, then laughed and walked out of the lounge.

Doug was on her heels. "Sorry, I'm a little hungry. I just didn't get a chance for breakfast.

Carol laughed again, "What are you sorry for? Being hungry? It's natural," She said to him.

"Hey Sweetie, I was just giving you a hard time earlier. You know I want to be back here too. How bout we have a nice dinner when you get off... rent a movie... it'll be fun. Then we can finish unpacking? Besides, I have something I need to talk to you about."

"What about the girls?" She asked him about the twins. "Maybe Mama can take them for the night." Carol said to him.

Doug looked at Carol carefully. "You decide what you want to do with the kids."

"I think Mama will be fine with having the twins at her house overnight."

"I just thought we could spend Valentine's Day together. I haven't gotten a chance to have a real conversation with you for awhile, and like I said, something has been bugging me and..."

Doug was interrupted by a gurney smashing through the doors. It was a kid who had just been hit while riding her bike. Her father was coming in, too.

"I do want to be alone with you too, and now I want to know what's bugging you," She said quickly before they had to get out of the way.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Susan walked out of Doc's. She loved that a food place was right across the street. The wind blew and it made her look up at the sky. The snow had stopped falling but the sky was still gray. She hoped that Carter and Abby would get over whatever they had been going through and that Carter could someday have Valentine's Day come and go without getting depressed for weeks. This day made her sad too. It was the one time when she hadn't been there for Carter. She regretted that and would forever. That she hadn't been there for him when he had his drug problem and that he had to go through all of it alone. She wished she could talk to him about it but she knew he had too many things going on right now. _'One day,'_ She thought.

She walked into the hospital only to realize they had suddenly been swamped. After the trauma she saw Doug and Carol outside the trauma room observing.

"So what have you been thinking, you seemed deep in thought earlier?" Carol asked her.

Susan looked up at Carol. "Oh, it was just about Carter. This time of year is always hard for him. So, are we on tonight for dinner? I am going stag again on Valentine's Day! Well, like usual I guess." Susan laughed she was trying to break up the tense silence that seemed to be following her everywhere.

Carol looked at Susan. "I know what you mean," She said. She hadn't really told Doug much of what happened to Carter on Valentine's Day, she was hoping maybe Doug's spirit would lift him up.

Carol looked at Doug. "You don't mind, if I go?" She asked him.

Doug shook his head and looked up from his shoes and went to leave the room. "Oh Doug, I got your food!" Susan called.

Doug didn't even look back. "Yeah thanks, just keep the change, OK?"

'Maybe Carol should go out with Susan. They need to catch up,' Doug thought. Besides if he could put off talking about his problems he would do it. "I shouldn't even have said anything to her," He said out loud to himself. He spotted Carter by the front desk looking over charts. "Carter! Hey Bud, you want to split some chicken with me when we catch a break?"

Carter had waited for Abby's response, and then she got captured by another doctor to have her help with a procedure. He looked up as he signed the charts. He had a lot, but was almost finished. He was the chief resident. "Thank you, but no thank you," He said to Doug.

Doug stared at Carter, giving him a look just to make sure he was OK. "Well I think my plans with Carol just got postponed for tonight, so if you want we can catch a movie, or something. I'll buy you dinner. Unless you already have plans?" Doug was just trying to help. He had heard a little of what happened to Carter and knew that it still bothered him. He knew the only thing that was worse then being sad was being it alone. He had his fair share of times. He respected Carter and hoped they could become better friends. As he was waiting for Carter's answer he saw Carol and Susan talking out of the corner of his eye.

Carter thought for a moment, Dr. Ross was asking him on a date. "You asking me on a date?" He asked him, like he was trying to tease him. He was trying to lift up his own spirit. Upon Doug's laugh he replied, "Umm, sure. Have you Seen Abby anywhere?" He was concerned for her.

Susan saw Doug and Carter out of the corner of her eye. "You don't think Doug minds us going without him right? I wish me, you, and Abby could go out and Doug and Carter could. It must be hard for Abby too, and I know she wants to catch up with you too!" Susan's beeper sounded. "Oh damn, I have to go but I can't wait to hear about your kids! Tell Doug his food is still there!" Susan was proud of how quickly she could turn off emotional problems before a trauma. She knew she wouldn't be able to focus otherwise. But as she was getting ready for the crash victims she couldn't help but see Doug and Carter talking, and worry.

Carol watched Susan go. "Hey Susan, why don't I invite Abby along, and then Doug can catch up with Carter," She shouted as she saw her go to the trauma.

Carol went in search of Abby. "Hey Abby. I finally found you. You want to get together with me and Susan?" She asked her. "I'm mean after your guy's shift..."

"Hey you, Punk," Doug said hitting Carter lightly in the arm. "I have a feeling we are getting left out of the loop with our girls for tonight. So I thought I'd buy you a drink."

"Nah, I haven't seen Abby though," Carter replied. "I have to get ready for this trauma."

As Doug walked away he realized that Carter really did sound concerned. Doug shouted over his shoulder, "If I see her I'll get you!" What a day, the first day back.

Carter nodded as he saw Carol and Susan talking to each other. He then realized Doug asked to buy him a drink. "Dr. Ross, I can't drink!" Carter shouted, but decided to go help with the trauma as well. They stood in the ambulance bay waiting.

Doug stood where Carter left him. "Can't drink. Damn Doug!" He usually talked to himself when he knew he screwed up. Just another reminder of how many things had changed since he had been gone. _'Man,'_ He thought to himself. _'How am I going to fix this one? Maybe I'll just apologize, maybe he has already forgotten. Oh God, how could you do something that stupid Doug!'_

He walked out into the ambulance bay where Carter was. Awkward silence, _'I need to say something.'_

"Hey, John, look. Enough with the Dr. Ross crap. Call me Doug." He smiled thinking Carter would smile too. After he didn't Doug could see the ambulance coming up. _'Better say something Doug come on!'_

As they both walked up to meet the ambulance Doug started, "John I'm sorry. I should have known. I'll still buy you a drink, it will just be a coke!"

'Haha.' Well, Doug thought his jokes were funny. Maybe Carter would realize that he was having a hard day too. They could both talk together, Doug needed someone to talk to.

Carter looked at Doug. "Its OK, its a usual mistake Malik makes with me too," He said to him. "And Doug, don't apologize. It's my fault that I got addicted to drugs. But I'm working on it, and I been sober for a few years now. If it weren't for Susan and Abby being part of my life now, I don't know where I would be. I will take the offer on the coke, though," Carter said as they met up with the ambulance.

Doug felt better. He was glad Carter was OK with his mistake. He was proud of him that he had handled his drug problem so well. That would be good for tonight, time to talk, throw a few darts, and then meet the girls. He couldn't wait to be with Carol again. Just being around her made him happy. He had spent a long time finding her Valentine's Day gift and he couldn't wait to give it to her.

As they brought the patient into trauma room one, Doug looked around. He was surprised to find all of his friends in the room. He was glad they could all jump right back together like none of them had ever left. Seeing Carter and Abby together seemed right, and he knew Carol and himself was right, as well. _'Poor Susan,'_ He thought. _'She needs to find a good guy. She and Mark would have been perfect.'_ Just another thing he missed. He hated that he had missed Mark's funeral. Just another thing to put on his long list of 'if only's. Once the patient was stabilized, Doug looked at the clock. They were all out of here in 20 minutes! He walked over to the desk and started to finish his charts. He was looking around for Carol when he saw her coming around the corner. "Hey Sweetie!"

Carol saw Doug as she walked around the corner. "Hey Doug, what are you up to?" She asked him. "Umm how did the patient turn out?" She asked as she finished a chart, she loved working at county again as well. Especially with Susan and everyone else. It was like the old days, but Jing-Mei and Carter weren't students anymore. Carter was in the place where Mark once was, as a chief resident.

"Hey." Doug looked up from his charts with a smile. He leaned over and gave Carol a kiss. "I am just finishing up, and then I am off. So are we meeting up all together later, or will I just see you at home?" Doug had been working really hard on making Carol happy. Actually she was the one who had changed him so many years ago.

Carol didn't know. "I don't know, but I'll see. I'll probably see you home later too, but if we all end up at the same place I think it be fun to hang out," She said to Doug, She smiled at him. "Don't worry, Mama has the twins tonight," She told him. "We finally get a break from the twins too," She said as she gently kissed him on the cheek.

Doug laughed as Carol walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Carter watched as they left the patients, they were now stabilized. He smiled at Abby. "Hey. Are you going to have girl's night out with Susan and Carol?" He asked her. "I got kind of asked to go somewhere with Doug if you don't mind," He said to Abby, he just wanted to stay there with her in a longer moment. They walked into the lounge talking.

They saw Doug in there at his locker. "Hey, Abby," Doug greeted her. "I guess we really haven't met properly yet. I'm Doug Ross. Plans are getting all mixed up, do you know if we are all going out tonight or what?"

Before Abby could answer, Doug's cell phone rang. "Hello, umm yeah. I know. I'll take care of it. Damn it I said fine!" Doug hung up his phone and rubbed his eyes. It had been a long first day back. he quickly shut his locker and walked out of the lounge. He threw on his coat and left the hospital. it was only after he was out that he realized he hadn't taken off his scrub top yet. "Oh well. I'm not bloody or anything." He walked about half way to his car and then remembered his plans with Carter. "Ahh, that's right." As he started to walk back he looked up at the sky. Snow was just beginning to fall and you could see the stars perfectly. _'What a great night.'_ This made Doug smile. He always liked to think of the bright stars as his friends in heaven watching over him. He knew that tonight Lucy was watching over them all. As he entered the hospital again he started looking for Carter, but found Carol instead. She was finishing up and didn't see him. He came up behind her and gave her a big hug. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetie. I just saw the sky. It's beautiful. Why don't you come outside with me for a second and look?" As much as he wanted her to see the beautiful stars he also wanted a moment alone with her to talk. He loved Carol, so much. He knew no matter what happened with him, she would always be there.

Carol laughed as Doug crept up behind her. "Well happy Valentine's Day to you too Doug," She said to him. "Sure just a second and then I got to find Susan and Abby." She followed him outside.

"What's this about Doug?" She asked him. She was kind of curious what he was up to.

Doug smiled as they both looked up at the stars. He brought her into a hug and put his mouth near her ear. "I was going to wait to give this to you tonight, but I thought now was as good a time as any."

From his pocket he brought up a ring. It was a silver ring and inside it was inscribed with, _'Like this circle, you complete my life. Always, Doug.'_ Doug looked at her again. "Happy Valentine's Day, Carol."

He would wait to tell her the more serious news he had later, he didn't want to ruin a good moment.

Carol smiled as she looked up at the sky, and he hugged her. Then she turned around as Doug told her about something. She knew he was serious, then she read the ring. It was so beautiful. "Oh Doug," She said as she kissed him softly. "This is so beautiful. Happy Valentine's Day, Doug. This night seems to be perfect for us, doesn't it?"

"It is perfect." He smiled as they both looked up at the sky. After a few minutes he let go of her and said, "Well I guess you need to find the girls so you can all go out! I should be back by 11 so try to be around then too. Once you all get done with girl talk call me on my cell and I'll see if Carter wants to meet up. If not I'll see you at home, OK? I got some movies and popcorn, its going to be fun!"

He made a half smile. All he really wanted to do was be home with her and get into a fuzzy blanket and watch TV. However, he knew Carter needed someone to talk with too. He was looking forward to helping Carter get over tonight. Although tonight was a wonderful night for him, it would always be a painful reminder for Carter.

As Carol and Doug walked into the ER again he pulled her into a kiss. "Don't forget to call. I'll see you in a few hours." He walked down the hall to find Carter.

"No worries Doug," Carol said to him. She had put the ring on. "Now you boys don't get to wild." She knew this male bonding with Carter might be good, She went into the lounge to see Carter was asking Abby for a date, and her accepting.

She decided to back out and rammed into Susan and Doug at the same time. "Give those a two a moment," She said. "I just overheard Carter asking Abby out tomorrow night."

Susan looked at Doug, "All right, you guys be good now OK? Are you ready Carol? I cant wait, margaritas woo hoo!"

Carol laughed at Susan. "Yep, I'm so there," She said to her good friend. "Umm we got to wait on Abby and Carter," She said to her.

"Hey Susan! Carol, haven't seen you in awhile." Doug smiled, he thought he was funny.

Doug motioned for Carol and Susan to come sit by him and wait. as they all sat Doug put his arms around them both. "Ahh, I got me two girls now, HaHa I'm such a stud!" He laughed as he looked a Carol. Well how long are we going to wait for Carter and Abby? they have been in there for 15 minutes!"

Carol gave Doug a slap on the shoulder softly. "Watch it mister. We got to wait, and I rather be patient, and you got to be patient too."

"OK, OK, but pretty soon I am going in after them! I am starving cause by the time I got to eat my chicken fingers, they were cold." Doug hung his head expecting some pity, but didn't get any.

"Ahh, I am the most impatient person I know." After a glare from Susan and Carol he decided to sit back down again and be quiet. "Dum, dum, dum," He began to hum. "So, how do you girls like the movie _You've Got Mail_? I heard it was a good romantic comedy but I don't get to see movies that often."

Doug's friends could always tell when he was bored just because of the dumb things that came out of his mouth. "Well I am going to get a Twix, can I get you guys something?"

Carol looked at Doug. "Doug Ross if you dare go in there, you will defiantly know that you won't be in a good word with me," Carol said to him. "You can get me a soda."

"Yes Ma'am!" Doug snapped into a salute and headed off to the vending machine. he came back with two colas and a Twix bar. "Well I am fired up, Baby! Let's get the party started. Soon we are going to get sucked back into the ER vortex and we might not get out alive! I mean, COME ON!"

All Doug wanted to do now was go home. He looked at his watch, "You know what? I'll be right back." He ran his hands through his hair as he got up and started for the men's bathroom.

He splashed his face with some water and looked into the mirror. "Man, I'm getting old!" As he walked back to Carol he asked, "Oh my, do I look as old as I feel?" he sat down with a thud. "You know what, pretty soon I am going to eat my shoe! It's going to be bad!"

Carol saw the lounge door open. "Well we can go now," She said as she saw Abby and Carter coming out. Carter smiled, he had the nerve to finally ask Abby out. He saw that Doug, Susan, and Carol had been waiting for them. "I'm ready Doug," Carter said to him.

Doug looked at Carol. "Well gee, I am ready too!" He said sarcastically as he slapped the chair and stood up. "Did you drive to work, Carter, or take the EL? If you took the train then I will give you a ride to the restaurant." Doug patted his stomach. "I am hungry!"

Doug looked at Carol as she stood up and he gave her a kiss. "OK, just call all right? Otherwise I will see you soon. Nice to see you again, Susan" He said as he leaned over to give Susan a kiss on the cheek.

"I don't think Carter and I are going to be drinking, so if you need a DD call or just take the EL." He leaned over and kissed Carol. "Bye Susan happy Valentine's Day. Bye Carol. Have fun! OK, Carter let's go!"

Carol smiled. "See you later," She said giving him a kiss back. She watched Carter and then she turned to head out with Susan and Abby. "Have fun you two," She said hoping they would. Carol followed Susan and Abby.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Carter looked at Doug. "I drove Doug," He said to him. When he was away from Abby, he just remember how bad things were for him on Valentine's Day. Lucy was gone, but he had tried to overcome what happened. "We can take your car, and then you can bring me back here later," He said to him. He wasn't hungry, but he didn't want to tell Doug that either.

"All right, let's go!" Doug said as he grabbed Carter by the neck and put him into a headlock. They both laughed as they walked out of the hospital. "My car is right over here. The same old Jeep Cherokee." Doug loved his black jeep. Even after he crashed it so many years ago he just got it fixed up again. As they both got into the car Doug realized that Carter wasn't talking and looked pretty down. "Hey Carter, you sure your OK?"

Carter just sat in the car. "I'm fine," He said. He always hated being asked if he was OK. He was looking forward out to his night with Doug, but he just missed Lucy. He missed bickering with her, even. It was strange not having Lucy around.

"OK, then." Doug started the car and turned on the radio. "So, did you have any real interesting cases while I was gone?" Doug hated awkward silence so he always did his best to keep up conversation. "So, what do you feel like tonight? More of a small type dinner or something a little more loud and crowded?"

"I don't care," Carter said. He really didn't care where they went for dinner or whatever it was. He just wanted to get through the night, in a way he thought Doug's jokes could cheer him up, but he just didn't know.

The snow was coming down lightly in the night sky and it was nice out. "Good thing the wind isn't blowing tonight, it is actually pretty nice. That's what I love about Chicago, the nights like these.

"So you and Abby seem pretty close, how long you been together?"

Carter looked at him. "We've been out for quite awhile now," Carter replied.

Doug and Carter drove around for at least a half an hour. Not really talking since Doug didn't know if Carter really wanted to. Finally he got an idea that would either really piss Carter off or help him out. He turned around and got on the highway.

"I hope your not too hungry, I just had an idea." Slowly Doug pulled up into the rocky driveway and parked the car.

"OK, come on Carter. We're getting out." Doug got out of the car and shut the door waiting for Carter to follow. The night was still beautiful as he walked past the church and into the cemetery.

Carter looked at Doug. Hadn't he been here before, he was there earlier that day. "Why are we here Doug?" He asked as he got out of the car. He really didn't want to be at the cemetery. He didn't want to hear the music he was hearing either. The church across the street from the cemetery was all lit up, and you could hear the voices of the choir singing inside.

"Come on Carter. I know you probably don't want to be here, but you and I have got to talk. I know you have already been here but it is time we feel better about all of this. also, I miss Lucy too and I don't want to come alone," Doug said with half a smile. He was hoping that this would break the ice.

"Doug, I talk to her here every year," Carter told him. He saw the flowers he had put down for Lucy there earlier that day.

Doug jogged back to the car and grabbed the roses he had bought for Carol. He took Carter by the shoulder and walked him reluctantly over to her grave. He set the flowers down and looked at Carter. "I have been to too many funerals. John. Too many of my friends'. The only thing that is left to do is say goodbye for good. Otherwise you can never move on. Now come on, kneel down." Doug took a knee and made the sign of the cross. Although he wasn't really a Catholic anymore, that was the one traditions that had stuck.

As he closed his eyes he reached for Carter's hand. "Hey Luce. I know I don't talk to you as much as I should, but well, I have explained this to you before. Carter and I are here tonight, we just want you to know that we love you sweetheart. Most people ask me if Valentine's Day is hard without you. But you know what? I know I am never without you.

"I know you are watching over us all. We all think about you. Sleep well, and happy Valentine's Day, Baby." Doug rocked up and kissed the angel on her grave.

He quickly wiped the tear from his eye as he went to his kneeling position again. "Father God, I know I don't talk to you much. Well, at all. But please do me this one favor: Watch over our angel. You make sure she is waiting for John and I when we come up." Doug opened his eyes.

He hoped Carter would say something to let him know that he had the right idea. He had hoped he could help Carter let go a little. It always helped when Carol or any friend went into a hard situation with him. Whether Carter felt better or not, Doug was glad he had someone to go with him.

Carter did pray, but silently along with Doug. As soon as Doug rose, Carter did too. "Can we go now?" Carter asked of Doug. In his heart he said sorry to Lucy. But he still couldn't say goodbye. He started walking off before Doug had another word to say.

Doug watched Carter walk away. He ran his fingers though his hair and put his head down. "Damn. I blew it now." Doug turned his head and saw Carter was in the car waiting for him. He sat on his knees for a little while longer and looked at the stars.

Finally he stood up and started to walk back to the jeep. Instead of getting inside the car, though, he sat on the hood. He couldn't help it anymore, he just started to cry. Although he did miss Lucy he really missed Mark most of all.

This year had been a pretty good one but then he thought back to all the hard times Carol and he had and how Mark had been there for him. He had missed Mark's funeral because he had been too scared to go and now he regretted that more then anything. Doug thought he was going to get closer to Carter by coming here with him but it was clear that all he did was hurt Carter's feelings. With all of these things going on in his head, he just sat there on the hood of the car, in the February night, and cried.

Carter looked at Doug. He felt guilty for hurting his feelings. He wanted a bond with Doug. He had always gotten along with him.

"I'm an idiot," Carter said realizing Doug and Mark were best friends. He got out of the car and went to Doug. "Doug I know you didn't get a chance to be at Mark's funeral. I feel awful, cause I never got to go to Lucy's either." As Carter was talking he realized that he was feeling more comfortable talking to Doug about it than he had been earlier.

"I want to let you know I'm thankful that you are trying to help me," Carter said. "Your the first one here who talks to me about Lucy at all. No one else has ever had, and its nice to know that you did. I'll be right back." Carter walked back to Lucy's grave and was finally able to say goodbye.

When he got done he went back to Doug. "Come on Doug, come with me," He said. Carter led Doug to Mark's grave. It was Doug's turn to tell Mark goodbye.

Doug took a breath and wiped his face. He felt dumb breaking down in front of Carter like that. He always tried to be so tough. Cater took him around the corner where he saw Mark's grave. It shocked him as he stepped back and said, "I don't know, I don't know if I can do this. I mean its been awhile." Doug put his hands on the back of his head. "Actually, I haven't ever visited Mark. I don't know what to say." Doug rarely had people go out of their way to help him, but he was glad Carter wanted to.

Carter looked at Doug. "I know you want to help me, and I want to help you to. Let him know you're here Doug, let him know how you feel. I do it with Lucy every time I come and visit her, but still I have the hardest time saying good bye to her."

Doug stood for a few minutes looking at the gravestone. It read, 'Loved Father, Husband, and Friend'.

"He was one of the best friends I ever had." With that Doug took a step closer. "Hey Mark," He sighed "well buddy, I don't know what to tell you. Carol and I are still together. I'm a father too, although you were a better one then I will ever be."

Doug began to feel himself choke up so he paused, "I miss you a lot, and I'm sorry." He looked up trying to hide his tears but couldn't. He wished Carol were here, but he was glad Carter was. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. You always kept me straight even when I screwed up, and even when I screwed up bad, you were still there for me. Your my brother, and I love you. Goodbye Mark." Doug wiped his face quickly. He still wanted to look strong even though he knew Carter didn't care.

Doug kissed his fingers and touched Mark's grave. As he turned and walked away he grabbed Carter into a hug, but he didn't say anything, and didn't have to. Both of the men walked back through the snow to the car. As they got in, Doug turned on the radio to drown out the silence. He felt a little uncomfortable, but he was glad that they had helped each other. "Thanks Carter," was all he could manage to say. He had started out the night only thinking of how to help Carter not realizing they had both helped themselves.

Carter just listened as Doug talked to Mark, That's how he talked to Lucy when he had a chance to visit her grave, or Bobby's. In a way it kind of helped being there with Doug. He recognized that this 'male bonding' was something he needed, and something he hadn't had that in along long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As Doug listened to the radio he figured he should still take Carter out for dinner. "OK, well now I am hungry. Since it's getting late you want to just stop at Doc's and then I'll drop you off at your car?" Doug felt much better now. He thought he didn't have any friends left at County since Mark had died, but now he realized that Carter cared about him too.

"Sure Doc's sounds good to me," Carter replied. He knew Doug was his friend again, it felt great to have it like that again.

Doug pulled up to Doc's, it was pretty barren. "I guess most people don't thinks Magoo's for a romantic night out huh?" Doug laughed as they entered the restaurant. Most people who came to Doc's already knew what they wanted, it hadn't changed for Doug. "Hey," He smiled at the waitress. "Can I please have some chicken fingers? And... umm... I'll have some ice tea please."

As Carter ordered Doug looked at his watch. It was getting pretty late, almost 10:30. He knew Carol wouldn't care if he was late especially since he was with Carter. He was glad they had gone out, now he didn't have to worry Carol with his pain about Mark.

"So, Carter, you think I can get Kerry to give me my attending job back?" They both laughed. "God, that's one thing that won't change: Kerry Weaver forever and always will hate me!"

Carter laughed. "What's even worse, she's chief of staff. Maybe we can think of something," Carter said. He wanted to work with Doug again.

Doug laughed. "Chief of Staff! Oh my God, hell _has_ frozen over!" Doug wrapped his hands around his neck and pretended to choke himself. Both men laughed. Doug was excited to be working with Carter again. They had some setbacks, but he knew now that they could become very close.

"So, when are you setting the date?" Doug asked. "You know, for you and Abby to be married?" Doug let out a smile cackle. "I'm the best man right?" Doug laughed, in all reality he and Carol needed to do something about their current situation.

"So, Carter, in all seriousness, you know if you are ever having a hard time, about anything, you know to call me right?"

Carter smiled at him. "Of course," He said. "And don't worry I can probably get you a spot back in the ER. After all, I am the chief resident there now."

"Wow! Carter: the all powerful chief now! HaHa yea get me the hook up!" Doug shook his head. "Actually I don't think Kerry has seen me yet today. It's probably a good thing, we didn't exactly leave on good terms. You remember that night right? Geez, what a mess." Doug smiled remembering.

"Hey, John, I'm serious about the marriage thing. If there is one thing I learned it is to tell someone whatever it is, you might never get the chance. Although, I am not known for my commitment but still..."

Carter laughed, Doug was never known for his commitment, but he really was happy for him and Carol. "I think it's too soon," Carter said. "We just started going out.

"Yeah. I get it, Chief," Doug replied.

Doug sighed. If he was to get a full time job back tomorrow, he would have to deal with Kerry, which wouldn't be at all fun. To top it off Romano was still around. "So, what's this I head about Romano losing his arm? That's too bad, even is he is a jerk.

"Well Carter, when is your shift tomorrow? I am getting a little tired. How about we stop at a Starbucks and grab a coffee then call it a night?" Doug said this reluctantly, he really wasn't in much of a hurry, but he didn't want to keep Carter more then he wanted.

"Sounds good to me," Carter said. "My shift is tomorrow, but maybe I can put a good few words in for you to Kerry if you want."

Doug nodded. "Yeah, why don't you do that. I hope it wont jeopardize your career!" Doug really didn't know how Kerry would react. He opened his wallet and laid down $25. "Come on Carter, dinner and coffee is on me." He grabbed his coat and led the way to the door.

"Oh man... I still have to unpack! I hate moving!" They both got into the car and headed down the road. once they reached Starbucks they started joking again. "It is so cold here! I almost blocked it from my memory! Seattle is a little more mild, or maybe I just suddenly became a wuss. Is this where you're from Carter? You handle it all pretty well."

It was half past eleven and Starbucks was nearly empty. "All right, what do you want?" Doug rubbed his eyes, he was glad Carol's mom had his girls for the night. "Hey, Carter, by the way, you any good at baby-sitting?"

Carter laughed at Doug. "I don't know I never baby sat before," He told him. "Why," He asked. "I know the nurses tell me I'm a good with kids. So maybe I try it sometime," He said.

"Good Carter! You can save me one night! I thought I was good with kids until they are everywhere! On the counter, running around, it's a freaking mess!" Doug laughed. "But I love them. You think you could be a father someday?"

Carter smiled a little. "Yeah, someday I would love to be a father with a family."

After a little coffee and a little more conversation Doug sighed, "OK John, you ready to go? I am a little tired." By this time it was well on its way to one. "You want me to drop you off by your car? I guess I will stop by County tomorrow and see if I can get my job back." Doug took his jacket again and walked out with Carter.

In the car Doug cranked up the volume on the radio. He was beginning to feel really tired, but he was looking forward to working with his friends again. "OK, John, here you go." Doug pulled up to where Carter's jeep sat, and stuck out his hand for Carter to shake it. "Thanks for tonight. You're a good friend."

Carter smiled. It had been a long time since he spent a night with 'the guys', he was always hanging with Deb or Susan. Then again, he was always happy to be with Abby. "Yeah, it was a great night. Thanks," He said as he shook his hand. "Oh, and Doug, call me anytime if you need to talk."

Doug laughed his usual laugh as he shook Carter's hand. "You bet," He said as Carter shut the door and Doug drove off. He was glad they had time to talk. Now he was off to be with Carol. Doug knew he would never tell her what they did that night, he would probably just make something up. He never wanted her to think he was having a hard time with anything.

Doug walked into their house to find that no one was home yet. Actually, he was glad to have some time alone. He turned on the TV but there was nothing on he wanted to watch. Then Doug lit the fireplace and decided to take a shower. Once he got dried off he opened the box where his night clothes were and got dressed. "Geez we need to unpack," He said aloud as he looked at the various boxes throughout the house. He just opened a beer and sat on the couch to wait for Carol. Doug thought about the house that they use to have, the one by the EL. Those memories always made him laugh. After nearly half an hour Doug was asleep, with only the memory of his first Valentine's Day in eight years that he hadn't spent with Carol.

Back at the hospital, Carter got into his own Jeep, but he just sat there. He didn't know if he wanted to leave yet or not. The worst thing was, he was tired. Instead, Carter was finding himself to tired to drive home. So, he fell asleep in his car.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Earlier that night, Susan, Abby, and Carol walked out of the hospital right after Doug and Carter had left. "So, were and how are we going? I took the EL to work today?" Susan asked. As she was waiting for a reply she pulled Carol into a big hug. "I am so glad you are back! You and Doug are perfect! You guys made my day today!"

Carol smiled at her. "Thanks, Susan. It's really neat to see you working here again too," She said. "I think we should take the El. What do you think, Abby?" Abby agreed, then they were off.

Carol was having the night of her life. She told Susan about the twins and what they meant to her and Doug. About how much she loved being together with Doug, even though they were not married, yet. Carol looked at the two woman. "Now Susan, how did you end up back here," She asked totally drunk. She could tell Abby was looking with eyes as curious as she was.

Susan laughed. "Arizona was too cheery for me. I like the depressing winters here." She could tell they were all pretty wasted so she just decided to go for it. "Well, actually, I did miss all of my friends here." She wrapped her arms around both Abby and Carol. "Besides, I am glad I came back. I got to fix things with Mark, date Carter, and now be with you again Carol!"

Susan was really glad that they all were able to go out this night. "Once I find a date we could all go out on a triple date! Speaking of that, since your grilling me, why haven't you and Doug been married?"

Carol smiled a little. "Yea I know," She replied.

"I have to see your girls sometime, I'm a great baby-sitter!"

"Well, then I will have to introduce you to Tess and Kate. They are a handful, but we sure do love them."

The girls ordered another round of drinks. "Your men at home aren't going to mind you guys staying out so late with me on Valentine's Day, right?"

Carol smirked and replied, "Oh, no, not at all. Carter and Doug might be out all night partying. If I know Doug, he make sure they stay out long enough."

Susan smiled, "Well, good then. I am so glad we got a girl's night out! So what made you come back? I can't believe you got Doug to come too! Although, I am really glad you did."

Carol looked at Susan. "Well, let's just say it's a long story," She said. "But I miss being in Chicago, and I missed working at County. So, I hope he can get his job back. Fortunately, I already got mine. That's what convinced him to move."

"Well, I will be raising some serious hell if he doesn't! How does that sound," Susan replied, laughing. "So what do you think? One more round and then call it a night? I have a 5am shift tomorrow."

"Yeah. One more Susan. Then we should go home. You are so going to have a hell of a headache in the morning."

Susan smiled. "Are you kidding? I think I have the hangover routine down. Besides, I'm half Irish on my mother's side! I am sure the Russians have it too, huh, Carol?"

"You have an early shift? This is not going to be pretty. I have to go in at 7 so I think we should go. We can do this again when none of us have to work. "

"Yep," Carol said.

Susan sighed. "Yeah, we should do this next week, but I need to go." She was really glad that they had the time together. being with her friends always made her forget that she hadn't found anyone of her own to spend holidays with. She gave Carol and Abby big hugs as she got bundled up to face the cold. "I will see you two girls at work soon OK? Thanks again, this was really great!" She smiled and left. She was fully confident that she could make the drive home. There were no one on the streets and she didn't live far away.

"Ah darn, she left. Now I want to know how you ended up with Carter. The last time I saw you were just a student, but your back as a Nurse in the ER," Carol said to Abby. She hadn't had a chance to say bye to Susan at all.

"Carter and me? It's kind of complicated. We were friends since all the stuff with Lucy and everything. Then we were seeing other people. I was with Luka and he was with Susan. It took awhile for the timing to be right."

Carol nodded. "Oh. Well, at least you two are together now," She said to her friend. She looked at Abby. "Do you want to stay here, or go home like Susan?"

Susan reached her house only to realize she was now alone. She really did hate being alone. She was glad that her two good friends had come back though. Susan loved Carol and Doug a great deal.

After getting into her night clothes and reading from her favorite book, she set her alarm clock for 4am. That would give her just about an hour to get ready and be at work. She loved her work. Helping other people made her not think of herself. It made her feel like a better person. _'Tomorrow is going to be great,'_ She thought. She couldn't wait to go out with the girls again.

Back at Doug and Carol's house, Doug woke up in a sweat. He hated when he had nightmares. He looked at the clock, it said 2:30am. He got up and walked around the house. There was still no sign from Carol. Doug tried to go back to sleep but he couldn't.

He decided just to go for a walk. With everything he and Carter had talked about running though his head, their was no way he would be able to sleep again that night. Doug threw on another shirt and a jacket and he grabbed for his hat before he left the house. As he walked the street he realized that he didn't know where to go. He walked to the hospital, thinking he could find Kerry and talk to her about a job.

However, before he got to the hospital he saw Carter's car. Doug walked past it worried, since he had left Carter here almost three hours ago. Doug looked in the window to find Carter sleeping in the car. He had his hands wrapped around himself and was shivering. It was way to cold to be sleeping outside without heat. Lightly he knocked on the window, trying to wake Carter from his sleep.

Carter was sleeping soundly, when he heard the knock on his window. He woke up freezing, forgetting that he had fallen asleep in the car. He opened the window and looked up to see Doug right there. "Doug," He said as he rolled down his window.

Doug smiled, "What are you doing Carter?" Doug asked. "You must be freezing!" Doug opened the car door and took off his coat. He placed the coat around Carter to warm him up. "Come on, move over," Doug said. "I'll drive you home."

"I was going to drive home Doug, but then I got so tired I didn't realize I fell asleep in the car," Carter said. He scooted over. "Thank you."

Doug laughed. "No problem, Carter. Just give me directions." Doug started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "I know you're probably wondering what I was doing. So, no, I'm not stalking you. I couldn't sleep so I decided to go talk to Kerry. I guess I chickened out." As he drove, Doug sat there thinking of the real reason he decided to go out. He never liked being home by himself and he wished Carol had come home.

"Hey, John, anytime you need a ride or something let me know. You live pretty close, I can always pick you up." Doug parked the car in Carter's apartment lot. "Here you go," Doug said as he got out of the car and handed Carter his keys. As he started to walk away he turned around and said, "Have a good night, Carter, and try and get some sleep!"

Carter looked at Doug. "OK," He said to him. "Thanks," He said. He watched as Doug parked in his apartment complex. Walking over to Doug, he asked, "Umm, how are you getting home from here?"

Doug looked around. "I don't know." He laughed. He hadn't thought about that until just now. "I guess I will just walk."

Carter nodded. "Thanks again ,Doug. See you tomorrow. Oh, you want this?" He asked, giving Doug his coat, that had been placed around him.

Doug looked down, he had forgotten he had given Carter his coat. Laughing he said, "Yeah, man I would be really bad off without that!" He took his jacket. As he put it on he smiled at Carter. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, John. Next time you want to play hobo and sleep in your car, pick a warmer city...or a different month!" Doug always tried to joke.

Carter nodded and before Doug had said anything else he headed back inside his apartment, maybe tomorrow he could have some time alone with Abby. Now that Doug had gotten him up, he was wide awake, what could he do. He wasn't sure at the moment. He walked around and turned on the TV. He really had a nice time with Doug.

As Doug started the walk back to his house he turned around again, but Cater was gone. "Your a hell of a guy, John Carter," Doug said to himself. "A hell of a lot better than me."

Doug put his hat on his head and started the walk back. It was nearly 3 now and the streets were silent, the best time of night. Doug hoped that Carol would be home, but once he got around the block he saw the lights still were not on. _'Damn,'_ He thought. _'She must have had a much better time then we did.'_ Doug didn't care though, he was glad to have a friend in Carter. By the time Doug got in the house and got warmed up he could barley stay awake. Again he curled up on the couch and fell asleep as he waited for Carol once more.

Doug's watch woke him up. It beeped every hour and he had forgotten to take it off. Yawning he sat up again. The house was dark and cool, the fire he had started in the fireplace was almost out. "Ahh," He grumbled. He hated not being able to sleep.

After he stumbled around for awhile he found his beeper. He had no messages. _'Surely,'_ He thought '_Carol would be home soon.'_ He hoped that nothing had happened. He didn't want to call her and ruin her time out with the girls, but he wished she was home.

Doug sat on the couch again and turned on the TV. He thought maybe he would just beep Carol to make sure everything was OK, maybe she needed a designated driver. He typed in her beeper number with only one message. _'I Love You.'_

He sighed, after several minutes, there was no reply. _'Oh, well,'_ He thought. _'At least she is having a good time.'_ Once more he laid down on the couch. _'Maybe I will talk to Weaver tomorrow,'_ He thought. _'It couldn't hurt.'_ That's what he would do, he would see if Carol would go with him to the hospital to get his job back. As he waited for her he began to doze off again until he was finally asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I think I'm ready to go. I have a shift tomorrow morning," Abby said looking for her pager in her bag. She knew she had heard one go off. "It's not my pager. Is it yours?"

Carol heard the pager too. "It's mine," She said taking it off and smiling. "It Doug, I guess he's been waiting for me for awhile. This was really, fun, we should do this another time," She said. They said their good-byes and went their separate ways.

Susan's alarm went off. She looked at the red numbers that glared at her "Four o'clock. Oh, no..." She yawned. She got dressed and started her way to work.

When she got to the hospital, it was barren. After talking to Jerry and figuring out that no one had been in that night she decided to sleep in trauma room one until something happened. As she got changed in the lounge before going to sleep she decided to write a note for Carter. _'Hope you had fun last night. Wake me when you get in, OK? I'm in TR 1. THANKS! -Susan'_

After firmly stuffing the note into his locker, she promptly went into the room and fell asleep. So much for not having a hangover.

Carol finally got home early in the morning. She saw Doug sleeping on the couch and went to lay down next to him.

The movement woke Doug up. "Hey," He said to her with his eyes still closed.

"I was trying not to wake you up, Mister," Carol said as she snuggled close to him.

He smiled. "Don't worry about waking me. I'm glad I got to see your face. Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah I did, what about you and Carter?" She asked him.

"Carter and I... we had a good time, more or less." Doug gave Carol a kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day, Baby."

Carol snuggled more. "Happy Valentine's Day," She said to him as she hugged him close, drifting off to sleep.

They both fell asleep on the couch. A few hours later Doug was woke by the rising sun. "Good morning, Carol." He smiled, nudging her gently. No matter how long they had been together, he always loved waking up next to her. Doug hoped they could talk about getting his job back today.

"Morning? Not really in my book," She said due to her hang over.

"HaHa," Doug laughed. He was glad he and Carter didn't drink because he really would have gotten wasted if they did. "Ouch!" He exclaimed, squinting his eyes. "Do you want some aspirin? Or maybe a beer?" Doug asked joking. "Here, I know what will do it." He reached over and picked Carol up. As he carried her over to the other room he couldn't stop laughing. Then he tossed her on the bed. "Well, you get some sleep. I need some moral support if I'm going to talk to Weaver today! I'll get you some aspirin and then you need to get better, quick!"

"Doug, aspirin, please?" She asked him. She wasn't in the mood for jokes at the moment.

Doug jumped into the shower. Once he was out he shouted for Carol. "Come on, Sweetie. Let's get ready, its almost nine!" After he brushed his teeth he started going through the clothes boxes looking for something good to wear. He held up a pair of khakis and a blue polo shirt. "How's this? You think it'll make a good impression on Weaver? Or is that even possible?"

"Are you sure Doug? You and Kerry never, ever, got along," She said to him.

"HaHa," Doug said laughing "I know, but she is the person I need to talk to so I can get my job back. I really want to work in County again. You got your job back there, and I am friends with Carter, so I would like to be with you all."

He walked over to he bed and kissed her forehead. "You look as worried as I feel about this, but this is why we came back right?"

"Doug I'm going to be a nurse again, but not a Nurse manager. That's Abby's position at County now, and I just like working as a regular nurse," She said to him. "I'm more worried she won't even get you the job back at all." Carol then heard the phone ring, and then stopped. _'That was weird,'_ She thought.

"Well, thanks for your faith in me Carol," Doug said more than a little annoyed. "What do you want me to do? Get a job somewhere else without even trying?" Doug started to get his coat. He wanted to leave before they got into a fight. "Even if Kerry Weaver is a bitch, I am still a damn good doctor and I deserve to work there!"

Slamming the door a little rougher than he wanted, he felt bad as he walked outside. "I just need some coffee," He said to himself. Doug was still a little sad from the night before. He walked into Doc's and ordered a coffee. As he sat outside the hospital, debating on whether or not to go in he saw Susan standing outside with some other nurses ready to go into action. He really missed County.

As Doug sat there, he wondered when he should bring up marriage again to Carol. _'Well, not tonight,'_ He thought. H was always scared after every fight they had that she would leave him. He knew she could do much better than him.

"Fine Doug, it's always about you, never me," Carol said hurt. "I said I was worried, I didn't say you couldn't get your job back at County." Just then carol realized that he had already left and she was talking to herself. She saw the closed doors, and went to her Mom's to pick up Kate and Tess. Afterwards, she headed to County. Holding the three-year-olds by their hands, she asked, "Has anyone seen Doug?" She loved Doug so much, but what he said was wrong.

Doug still sat outside, feeling bad about what had happened, but feeling even more scared about his job. He couldn't decide if he wanted to go in or not. _'I can always say I'm looking for Carter,'_ He thought. Doug got up and walked across the street. As soon as he walked in he saw Carol at the front desk. "Oh, great," He said as he turned around. He sat on the bench outside. He wanted to talk, but he didn't want to be the one to start the conversation. He really wanted Carol to go with him when a talked to Weaver, but he was never good at apologies.

Carol turned around when she saw Doug walk in, She then spotted Susan. "Hey, can we talk," She said still holding Tess and Kate's little hands. She needed to talk to her friend. She had watched Doug trudged out. She really needed at the moment talk to Susan.

Susan smiled. "Sure, what about?'" Susan touched her arm and led Carol into Exam 1. Once she shut the door, she smiled at Tess and Kate. "Your daughters are beautiful." She could tell they got the good genes from both sides. "So what do you need Carol?"

Carol looked at her and then down at the twins. She had realized Susan had never met the two girls. "Susan this is Tess and that is Kate over there, they're identical girls. Anyway, it's about Doug. We had a fight this morning. I don't know if I said something wrong. I also know he wants his job back here," She explained.

Doug sighed. _'This is crap,'_ He thought, _'I just need to go in there and tell Kerry I should get my job back, I have changed a lot over the years. Maybe she will think so, too.'_ He rubbed his head. He hadn't been this nervous in awhile. _'Maybe I will just call John.'_ Doug typed in Carter's number and waited for the signal to pick up, he got a busy signal though. Doug was tired and just wanted to get it over with. He walked into the ER and up to the desk. "Has anyone seen Carol... umm... or Kerry Weaver?"

Jerry looked up at Dr. Ross. "Carol is in Exam One with the girls and Dr. Lewis," He answered.

"Thanks Jerry. It's good to see you again!" Doug looked around. He debated on whether or not to go in there. In looked in the room and saw Susan and Carol smiling.

"Well Carol," Susan began. "I am sure you didn't do anything wrong. It is just a stressful time moving and everything. You know Doug, he will be over it in no time..." She was cut off by the door opening.

Doug opened the door and stuck his head in. He noticed that Susan stopped talking, which meant they were probably talking about him. "Hey Susan what's up?" He asked, not waiting for a response. "Carol, can I speak with you?"

Carol looked up wondering if she should or not. "Well, Susan, you're probably right. Will you watch the girls for a minute?" She asked, as she sat the twins on the gurney.

Susan smiled at them both. "I sure can," She said. she knew Doug didn't look happy, but Carol was strong and could deal with it.

Carol silently thanked her and walked over to Doug. She didn't know if she wanted to talk to him, but she knew she had to. "Umm Sure Doug," She said to him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Doug took Carol by the arm and brought her into the hall. He tried to calm his voice but he hated it when Carol let other people in on their problems. "So now you talk to Susan about what's bothering you instead of me?"

Carol was stunned. "And you used to not bring people into are problems either." She watched as he squeezed her arm tight, that had hurt.

He looked down, he realized he was squeezing Carol's arm tightly so he let go. The release of his grip left a red ring on her arm. He took a deep breath in. Still speaking in an angry voice but just barely at a whisper he spoke again. "Why can't you just talk to me? What's wrong with you?"

She looked at him in disbelief. "What's wrong with me?" She voiced. "Nothing Doug. Nothing is wrong with me."

'Oops,' He thought. _'That didn't come out right. I have to fix it now!'_

He thought. 

"Look, Carol, I'm sorry. " His voice was now a little softer. "But I feel like something is wrong with us lately."

'OK, better change the subject,' Doug thought.

"You want to go talk to Kerry now, or what?" Doug asked.

The next thing Carol did was slap Doug hard on the cheek. "I will not talk to Weaver right now. What you're doing is wrong. All I was telling Susan so far about are fight." She slapped Doug again. She was Angry and hurt by Doug. Carol then walked off, she needed to be alone.

'Wow, I just blew that one. Tonight is going to suck,' Doug thought.

He stood there and watched Carol walk away. He couldn't believe what he had just said. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He ran his fingers through his hair as he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He cleared his throat as he tried to get rid of the tears that were starting to well up in his eyes. He needed to think. He needed someone to talk to.

He walked outside and tried to think of someone to call. As he sat down he realized that he really didn't have anyone to call. He didn't want to bother Carter but that was his only friend. As he put his head down by his knees he tried to figure out what was going on with him.

"Why am I trying to hurt the one person I love more than anything?" He knew he had been feeling a little depressed lately but holidays always did that to him. He couldn't talk to Kerry today, all he wanted to do is talk to Carol. He stood up and went into the elevator.

He knew Carol loved to go up there to think. Although he didn't know what he was going to say he wanted to at least attempt to fix what he had done.

What he had done was basically hurt her more then he would ever think. She left and went to the roof to think for awhile, she needed to be alone. Right now, she thought Doug was being a selfish bastard. She just stood there on the roof. Where was Doug getting this behavior of late? "Do I still love him?" She asked the wind. She wasn't certain right now.

As the elevator door opened, Doug walked outside. He saw Carol standing over by the ledge and quietly walked over to stand about 10 feet behind her. "Carol," Was all he could manage to say.

Carol heard footsteps behind her, she didn't like the sound, she knew who it was. She looked down. "Go away Doug," She said knowing it sounded cold, but she wasn't in the mood to talk to him. She needed to be alone and he wasn't letting her do that.

Carter woke up that day feeling actually a lot better. He was glad Doug had taken him to Lucy's grave the night before. He rolled over and dialed Abby's number just to talk to her. He didn't have to be at the hospital right away, yet.

Minutes later, Carter was still in bed. He had tried calling Abby, but she must of been still asleep. Since he was still not on yet, he decided to get up, grab some coffee, and then read the newspaper. All he wanted to do at the moment was be with Abby, before his shift started.

He went and dialed her number again. And again, he got her Machine. "Hey, Abby, this is... umm... John, I was wondering if we are still on for tonight? I would like to have dinner out with just you," He explained. He felt like he was blushing as he said this. Carter knew he was the only one to ever blush as a guy. In high school girls always cooed how cute he was when he was blush, but he had gotten embarrassed. "Please call me back, Abby, when you get this message. I'll be home for another half hour, and then I have to go to work," He said, the hung up the phone.

Later, Carter walked into the ER. He still hadn't heard from Abby. Yet, maybe she would call his cell soon. He didn't realize how slippery the floors were in the ER, and he slipped and fell. Then he saw four little girl eyes staring at him, and Susan above them.

"Nice way to start my shift," He said to her as he stood up, and smiled at the twins.

Susan laughed. "Are you OK John? You have to be careful!" Kate and Tess were laughing along with Susan.

"Where are Carol and Doug?" He asked. He hadn't made it to the lounge yet.

As she helped him up she sighed. "Doug and Carol are having some problems." They walked into the lounge and she continued. "Carol was telling me how they had a fight before she came into work. Then in the middle of her telling me Doug walked in and pulled her out of the room. He was speaking softly and I didn't hear what was said but...Carter, you need to talk to him. He grabbed her wrist pretty hard and their conversation ended with her smacking him in the face twice. I think she went up to the roof, he followed her shortly after she went up. I don't know John. Is Doug acting strange to you?"

Doug was so mad and upset that he couldn't think of the right thing to say. He could feel his anger rising. As he walked away he picked up a rock and threw it against the wall beside Carol as hard as he could. It shattered on contact. "Fine!" He shouted "I don't need this crap!" He picked up another rock and sent it flying only inches past Carol's head.

He walked back inside slamming the door. As he walked into the elevator he punched the wall smashing the glass and cutting his hand causing it to bleed. Downstairs, he walked quickly out of the elevator. As he rounded the corner, he ran right into Carter knocking them both down as Susan looked on. "Damn-it!" Doug yelled as he quickly got up and left the hospital hitting the glass door with his bleeding fist again as he walked out. He left a blood stain and a crack in the door as patients in the waiting room looked on.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Carter was just headed to see Doug when Doug knocked him on the floor. As Susan helped him up, for the second time that day, he told Susan, "That's weird. It's not like Doug to act out like that. Let me talk to him."

Susan shouted "Good luck!" as Carter walked out of the hospital in search of Doug. Spotting him, he asked, "Hey, Doug, can we talk?" Carter was, to be completely honest, a little bit scared of Doug. After all, this was _not_ the Doug Ross he knew.

"I'm fine, Carter," Doug replied curtly.

"You are _not_ fine. At least let me take a look at that," Carter said motioning to Doug's hand that and the blood dripping from it.

Doug looked down at the ground; he couldn't look his friend in the eye. "Your busy anyway so just leave me alone." All the anger and energy was out of his voice now and he sounded monotone. Doug wrapped his hand in his scarf to soak up the blood and turned to leave. He did want to talk but he was afraid if he stuck around me might see Carol again.

Carter followed Doug, who hadn't been able o get very far. He felt hurt by Doug's words, and it wasn't like Doug to get angry with him. "Fine Doug! Whatever you say! I thought we were friends. Friends who helped each other out. What the hell was that crap back there?" Carter was mad now. In fact, he was practically livid!

Doug put his hand over his eyes and finally stopped walking. His head was pounding. He didn't want to fight with Carter, he had to just calm down. He turned and looked at him. "Look, you don't know what's going on, OK?"

Doug squeezed his fist tight. Which turned out to not be such a hot idea, because it only made the blood seep out of his hand faster and he encountered a sharp pain. _'Damn it! There must still be glass in there,'_ He thought, knowing that whether or not he wanted to, he was going to have to get it looked at.

"Carter, you _are_ my friend, so I don't want to fight with you. I just...it's just..." Doug trailed off. He cleared he throat and began again. "Something is wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but..." Again he throat was becoming tight. The pain in his injured hand and his conscience of the past twenty minutes brought him to his knees.

Doug his face and dropped his head to the ground. "I think I just lost Carol for good. There no way she is going to forgive me after what I just did." Doug couldn't move. He there on his knees, hoping Carter would understand and not be mad at him too. "I'm sorry, John.

Carter looked at Doug. "Why do you think Carol left you?" He asked him. He wasn't going to leave Doug until he figured out what was wrong with his friend. "You know she left Chicago last time for one reason. She left here for you. She loves you, I do know that much. Why are you angry at her? What did she do? I don't understand. Are you mad that you moved back or do you want to be back? These are things you need to think about Doug."

"Doug, I know in your heart, and her heart, that you two love each other so very much. I watched, and saw, and knew that you two were meant for each other. There are going to be fights from time to time. Hell I fought with a lot of woman in my life," Carter said.

Doug laughed at Carter. It felt good. He hadn't laughed in awhile. "I don't know I just fell like I'm always letting her down. I pretty much hate change, and it has been hard to move back. Once I get a firm job back I'm sure I'll be OK. I just don't know how to talk to her now. The fights we get in can be pretty bad; it's just harder now that we have kids."

Doug looked down at his hand again. Smiling he looked up at Carter. "How about I let you look at this for me?" Doug got up off his knees and walked into the hospital with Carter.

They walked past exam room and Doug saw Susan with Carol. He looked at Carter again. "Thanks again John, you didn't have to go out of your way but you did. Now can you do me just one more favor?" He put his good hand around Carter's neck as they walked into the suture room.

Still inside, as soon as Carter chased off after Doug, Susan walked around the corner, she spotting Carol. It was clear she had been crying. She walked over to her and softly led her into the lounge. Once they were there she pulled Carol into a hug.

After several seconds she looked Carol in the face. "Are you OK? What happened?" Susan was truly concerned. She looked down at Carol's arm and saw a bruise from where Doug had grabbed her. "I have the girls up in day care. So, don't worry about that, OK? Now, did Doug do this to you?" She asked pointing at her arm.

"Yeah, and he through a couple of rocks at me too," She said to her friend. "I'm not sure what's wrong with Doug. He scares me, and the twins. I love him, but the way he's acting right now, I'm not sure of anything anymore."

"Come over here and sit down, I'll get you come coffee to warm you up." Susan wanted to help both her friends. She knew she could make Carol feel better; she just hoped Carter could figure out what was wrong with Doug.

Susan hugged Carol again, she was sad things were going badly for her. "How did Doug act when you decided to move here?" She asked. "Maybe he is just homesick; change was always hard for him."

Carol hugged Susan back. "Actually he agreed with me to come here. If I wasn't happy where I was he would come back here with me."

She didn't want it to seem like she was trying to stick up for Doug, but she wanted to help Carol. "Don't get me wrong, what he did was awful and I would be upset too. However, has he had anything bad happen to him lately? Any extra stress? Or have you two just been fighting a lot?" Once again, she hoped she and Carter could help their two best friends.

"I don't know what's wrong with him lately," Carol said to her friend.

Susan didn't know what to say, she didn't want to say that something was wrong with Doug if she didn't know for sure. Then she turned and saw that Carter had gotten Doug to come back in the hospital with him and that they were going into the suture room. "Well, Carol, I don't know. Maybe you should go talk with him.

"Let Carter fix his hand and relax for awhile. Take your daughters home or something, and then talk to him calmly. I know it will be hard for you, since he is the one, who screwed up, but boys are dumb and we always have to be the bigger person." Susan smiled at her own joke; she wanted Carol to smile too. "Nothing is as bad as it seems. You two can never be far apart."

Carol smiled at Susan. "I know your right." She said to her. She got up and was heading out the door, when she turned and looked at Susan. "Thank you."

Susan smiled. "No problem," She said. "By the way, if you ever need a place to stay, give me a call."

"Thanks Susan, I'll take that offer anytime," Carol said as she went to look for her babies, before she found Doug. She then went to get the twins from Daycare.

As Carter began to prepare to suture Doug's hand, he couldn't help but wonder: Where was Abby. He didn't know and she hadn't called. Though he had called her twice, Carter took out the suture kit to do Doug's hand.

Doug removed the scarf and let Carter check out his hand. He had cut his fist fairly deep and it would require several stitches. "Hey, John, are you worried about something? You seem a little distant."

"I'm just worried about Abby. She was suppose to call me by now"

"I'm sure Abby is just busy, or sleeping in." He looked down at his stitches; Carter always had a knack for good sutures. "Thanks, John, these aren't bad." As they both stood up Doug just gave Carter a look that said all he felt.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Doug walked out of the room and looked into Carol's. Susan had just walked out and Carol had her back to the door. He opened the door and walked toward Carol slowly. Softly he reached out and touched her arm, then brought her close and into a hug. "I'm sorry Carol."

Abby woke up with a start. She knew something wasn't right. It was brighter out than it should have been. She looked at the clock. It was after 11:00. _'Damn. My alarm never went off. I must have forgotten to set it when I got home last night,'_ She thought. She was supposed to go in at 7:00. She knew there was going to be trouble when she got to County.

Carter looked at Susan He was waiting for Abby to answer the "Sure, I join you as soon as I'm done here," He said to her in a whisper.

Doug shrugged; "Yes Ma'am" as they all got into the car and drove to carol's moms he talked to the girls all the way. once they finally got there he got out of the car and picked both of them up. he wanted to make this quick because he never got along with carol's mom...but he would try. they walked up the door and he motioned for Carol to open it. after a few 'thank you's and 'goodbye's Doug stepped outside the door and waited for Carol to finish talking and come too. he sat down on the porch swing and rocked back and forth with the winter wind. "with everything that happened today, I am lucky to have this" he thought. "lucky as hell."

Susan smiled and touched him on his shoulder. "sure just come and get me ok?" she walked out of the lounge and over to the front desk. "hey frank I am going to get some coffee in a second, we are pretty clear right?" she didn't even hear his response because then she walked over to chairs and sat down. there was almost no one there and that was how she liked it.

Carol looked at her mama, and then waved a good bye. She left the house after kissing the girls good bye, she then noticed Doug on the porch swing, and over heard him. "Lucky as hell what?" She asked him. As she sat on the porch swing with him.

Carter looked at Susan; He leaned over and looked at her. "Ok," He said to her. "I'll be there as soon as I'm done talking to Abby." He said. He waited for Abby's response.

The voice shocked Doug. he didn't hear Carol come out. "oh nothing" he said to her as he put his arm around her shoulders. they swung back and forth for a second before he broke the silence again. "I am really sorry Carol. you never deserve to be treated the way I treated you today. your much more special than that." Doug removed his arm from around her and shifted in the seat. he didn't want carol's mom to hear them talking but he also didn't want to put it off. "we have two daughters together Carol. we have known each other more years than not. Carol, I know I have done some stupid things to you but... what I really want to know is say I were to ask you to marry me sometime in the future, would you say yes, or do you think we need more time?" Doug knew in the back of his head that he was ready. if she wasn't, that was fine... but what if she never was? questions like that were ones that gave him nightmares at night.

Carol couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Doug Ross, I wouldn't of left Chicago, knowing you were my soul mate. But here you are and the truth is I been waiting for that question and we do have two beautiful daughters together. "And yes I want to marry you, but I didn't like the fact you hit me today," She said to her

"hit you? I never hit you." he turned to face her all the way. he reached to take her hand and saw the bruise he had left on her wrist. maybe he hadn't hit her, but he had sure hurt her. he softly touched the black spot on her arm. "I know I just always like to pretend that I am the stronger one. I never tell you anything that's wrong with me; I never tell you when I'm mad. I think that's what happened today." as he looked down at the stitches in his hand he realized he really didn't know why he had yelled or why he had thrown the brick. deep down he knew something was wrong, but just didn't know what. "and I want to get married too. I just think we should work all this out first. I just needed to know what you thought." he could feel himself tighten up again; it was happening more often now. he stood up and walked down the stairs, "how about a walk?"

Carol looked at him, "You know Doug, it felt like you hit me on the wrist today, but Doug before I marry you or agree to ever Marry you, I want us to be honest with each other, even if were hurting, and Right now I see you don't know what's wrong with you, and I know you hate therapy but I suggest you do that first," She said to him as she stood up as well

As they started walking down the street Doug almost laughed. "No way in hell. I love you Carol but no way in hell." He did hate that idea. They walk a little ways in silence when Doug stopped; he was looking for a way to change the subject. "Can you believe the weather? It looks wonderful today."

Carol stopped. "If you love me then prove it," She said to him. "This isn't like you Doug, so don't change on the subject, if you want to Marry me I suggest you see a therapist and if you don't , I want you out of my life, and there's some consequences, I don't want you to hurt me or the girls, "Carol said as she turned around to walk the other way. Doug was making her angry.

"So it is ok for you to just walk away right? that's great! you know what? you cant take my kids away from me, and you wont!" Doug ran over and grabbed her arm turning her whole body around and almost making her fall to the ground. in a second his hand was raised in the air in a fist. as he saw the fear and pain in her face he realized how close he came to hitting her. he dropped his fist and let her arm go. "You hear me? you wont." he turned and walked away. "I'm not seeing some damn shrink, you want me out... FINE!" Doug didn't know where he was going to go. he could feel this might be it. he didn't think anything was wrong with him. he didn't know why everyone thought there was.

Carol couldn't believe him. "See Doug, your turning into a monster, you don't want my help or anyone's else, I'm not going to let you hurt the girls," She said as she ran back to her mama's place. She hugged the girls. "Mama, I need your keys," She said. She took her keys, got the girls in the Car and drove away from Doug; She couldn't be with him unless he got help from someone. And she didn't want his daughters near him 'til he realized he needs a shrink.

Doug couldn't believe it. he saw the car pull out of her mother's house with his daughters crying inside. "how could she do this?" he thought. he headed down the street with no place to go. after stopping in many bars and getting greatly drunk, one of the bars hops finally threw him out for being disorderly. he staggered on the ground but finally got up. he had lost his jacket, his shirt was torn, and now he had a gash on his head. he didn't know where to find Carol. he walked down the street for awhile until he saw Doc Magoo's. as he walked in everyone looked at him. he walked over and sat next to Susan. "you wont believe what happed Sues, my own damn wife took away my kids!"

Susan looked at Doug when he came in. "are you ok?" she was just judging by appearance. she had never seen him look this bad. she didn't want him starting a fight here. "let me call Carter" she said as she smiled at Doug. she picked up her cell phone and dialed the number. "hey john, I need you to come over here quick, its about Doug."

Carol walked in to the ER with the girls, she wanted Doug to get help, She looked for her best friend, she knew Susan was always on her side, she still had the other bruise from where Doug hurt her, "Randi have you seen Susan," She asked. She wanted to Marry Doug, but if he was going to shape up, he would think twice about going to a therapist.

Susan only got a busy signal from Carter's phone. after she left the message asking for him to come she sat and looked at Doug. he looked awful. he had black rings under his eyes, a cut up hand, no jacket, a half torn shirt, and a cut on his head. "I know your mad Doug. I am sure everything is ok" she looked him over, he was sure acting different. "are you on any medications...or...anything else?" by his face she could tell his was pissed she made that comment. she wanted to be away from him, she didn't want him to freak out and hurt her. "ok lets go to the hospital so we can look at your head? ill call Carol, I'm sure everything will be fine." she smiled her usual smile and touched his hand. she hoped he wasn't on anything, because that's what it looked like.

Doug listened to Susan's kind words. "yeah, sure, lets go." he went just to make her happy. he liked talking to people other then Carol. sometimes he felt that she was always trying to change him. they walked across the street and into the hospital. he saw Carol at the front desk. "God Susan! is this why you wanted me to come here?" he yelled pulling away from her grip which pushed her to the floor. she hit the wall with a crash. he had whole waiting room looking at him. "nothing is wrong ok? I'm fine! you should ask Carol if she is on any medications or drugs not me! she's the one breaking up are whole damn family!" he shouted as he stormed out.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Carol walked over to Susan in tears. "Its not Doug, Doug Ross isn't the man I fell in love with years ago, I never see him beat woman 'til now, and I just want to keep my daughters safe, but I don't want to keep them away from him. Tess ran after father and kicked him in the leg hard. "Mean daddy, you not nice I saw you hurt aunt Susie, please talk to someone daddy or you never see me," She said. She was so smart for her young age.

Susan smiled at Carol. "Don't worry, I'm fine. Right now, lets just give Doug some space. go get your daughter." Susan got up. she was fine. she didn't even think Doug meant to push her down. but she saw him keep walking while his daughter has talking to him. she knew Carol was right, this wasn't the usual Doug and there had to be a reason for it. she walked into the lounge to sit and be alone for a second. when she walked in she realized Carter was still on the phone. "Thanks John. We needed you...but I can see your busy...thanks a lot." she said as she left. she wasn't really mad at him, she was just scared. she didn't want to be around Carol or Doug right now. she just wanted to talk with her best friend. she wished she hadn't been sarcastic to him. she was just scared.

Doug kept walking when his daughter was talking. he was afraid if he stayed he might yell at her. he walked down the ambulance bay until he turned the corner. there he sat down. he didn't know what to do. he didn't want to see Carol or Susan or any other woman for that matter. he wished Mark was still here. Mark always straightened him out, he never judged him. Mark knew what a hard life he had. thinking back, this was exactly what his dad had done. pushed everyone away. Doug didn't want to be like that, he wanted to be a good father and husband. "god, Mark help. give some of your good advice brother. I need some right now."

Carol smiled at her, "I know, we are, I want to give him space, and think." She said to her

Carter waited on the phone. "Abby I call you back, I think something just happened," He said. "I have my cell with me," He told her. Carter walked out, he had heard the push and someone screaming Doug's name, He watched as Tess said mean daddy, He was going to get the bottom of this. "What the hell happened Doug, why you slam someone into the wall," He asked, He had heard about his father from time to time, but didn't want to say anything "I don't want you to yell at me, but what's on your mind, I want to be your friend, buts what are you feeling," He said to him

Doug looked up at Carter from the ground. "I didn't mean to push Susan. I hope she knows that." he moved over to give Carter room if he wanted to sit down. "Carol and I had a fight; I just brought it with me to the hospital. I'm fine." Doug looked at carter's non-believing face. "really john, I'm good." he got up and grabbed the basketball which had been out of use since Mark had left. "how bout a game?"

Susan was glad Carter had gone to talk with Doug. he was mad that the return of Carol and Doug meant all of this new drama and stress. they had enough of that as it was. she paced around looking for something to do. then she saw Carol just sitting down by herself. "how about you help me with triage? it always helps me clear my mind."

"Doug I never noticed you harming woman until now with Carol and Susan, and don't hate me, but what and why does it give you a reason to hurt her.

"I can't believe he won't think about seeing a therapist, I go see a therapist with him, but I don't want him near my daughters until he makes sure he won't hurt them," She said to her

Doug stood there holding the basketball with his mouth open looking for the words to say. "Not you too." Doug said as he rolled his eyes. "I never touched Carol...I didn't mean to make Susan fall. Why is everyone thinking this is my entire fault?" Doug said as he turned and shot the basketball.

Susan looked at Carol. "I know your mad, but right now you might just need to give him some space. people never react well when they think they are being ganged up on...come on...if you don't want to do triage how about a coffee from the roach coach on me?"

"Listen to Me Doug, I from experience know what its like not to want help, for gods sake I was stabbed, and I didn't want anyone to help me deal with the pain I was suffering, but what happened, I ended up addicted to pain killers, if no one helped me , I would of been dead today. I'm here alive cause I got help, so listen from my experience, I'm not gaining on you. I just want you to know that when you don't think you need the help the most, is when you do need the help," He said to him

I don't want to talk to anyone right now," Carol said to her.

Doug picked up the basketball as it bounced back towards him. "You sure like fixing people huh?" He stepped back and shot the ball again. "look, thanks for making all the girls feel better by talking to me...but really...I am ok. besides, I'm not addicted to anything, I just think Carol and I are growing apart." as he picked up the ball again he looked at Carter, "play you for lunch?"

Susan shrugged and walked away. not talking was fine with her. she wished Abby was here. Susan picked up her cell phone and called Abby's beeper number hoping she would come in. then she walked outside to see Doug and Carter still talking. she didn't want to say anything or over hear it but while she was buying coffee she couldn't help but hear them talk.

"You don't get it Doug, I know your not addicted to anything, but I'm trying to make a point and your not listening, Do you know Every day I think about that night what it would be like, Well I still think I killed Lucy , and no I don't think your two are falling apart, I know when you left Carol was still in love with you and so miserable, just like she is now, your both hurting, because one of you is mostly hurting but doesn't know how to handle there own problem . I didn't come out here for the girls at all, I was just trying to be a good friend and let him see the point of view he needs'' Carter looked at him; he really didn't want to play. Carter glanced over and saw Susan looking at them. But he was waiting for Doug to get the realization strait.

Doug smiled and shot the ball again. "ok, say I do have something that's bothering me. what do you want me to do? I'm not going to see Dr. Myers on the crazy floor, I just wont. I am glad your being a good friend and trying to help me out, but you wont understand. hell I'm not sure I understand! unless you have some ground breaking thing to say to me...I don't..." Doug stopped. he didn't want to tell Carter to leave and make him mad; he just didn't know how to end the conversation nicely, at least until later. "I am sure someone in the hospital needs the assistance of dr. Carter more than me." was all he could think of.

Carter looked at Doug , he couldn't believe Doug didn't listen, "Well I don't feel like I'm being a good friend if my friend isn't really listening at all, and I leave since you don't want to admit you need help, until you do don't call me ," He said angrily.

"Carter!" Doug didn't need someone else upset with him. "I don't know what you want me to say! you want me to admit I'm scared? ok I am! you want me to tell you I'm drinking way too much? well there! hell I even take pills sometimes! does that make you feel better? does knowing really make you feel any better?" Doug couldn't stand it any more. his only friend was about to walk out of his life and he couldn't let that happen. "what do you want me to tell you?" he yelled

Carter was shocked to here this revelation, "Well admitting that you drink and do pills does count as a addict, I done it, I never told anyone this, but When I realized I was hurting other people, it was the night they did a intervention on me, and I don't want that to happen to you. Yes I'm a recovering drug addict Doug, and I know its not easy, there's days I just want to still the Fentanyl and have it to myself. It's not easy to admit things at all. But I hurt Peter Benton, I hit Dr. Benton right square in the Jaw, and I would of never done that, if I wasn't on the drugs then, but I been sober for a few years now.

Doug didn't know what to say. why was Carter telling him all of this? "well good for you john." he turned and started to walk away. the last thing he needed was to hear other people's sad stories, and he was afraid if he stayed much longer that Carter would tell him he had to go to a drug therapy center. he saw Susan look down like she wasn't listening, but he knew everyone had been. "Ohhh well" he thought "there's always tomorrow."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

Susan saw Doug walk past her as she looked down at her feet. "Doug wait." she said but he walked past her. then she looked to Carter, she hoped he would do something. it would be bad if they left it like this.

Carter had watched Doug, he had hurt him. He ran after Doug. "Ah so first step your in denial, right now you have a problem, but you don't want to admit, I'm not going to make you run out of your life, but your hurting others the way your acting, including me. For the longest time I haven't had a male friend around, and now I do. but this male friend is to full of himself. He was angry and hurt. "go ahead and punch me, I won't care, it prove you have a problem," Carter said to Doug

Doug pulled out of Carter's touch. "What's wrong with you? You really want to start a fight with me?" Doug looked around. he saw all of the people standing there watching the two of them. "Look, thanks for trying to help, but I don't know what to do." Doug had meant to say that just to get Carter to drop it but then he realized it was the truth, he really didn't know where to go from here. as that thought came through his mind he almost broke down. "God John! why does everything always have to be this bad! I-Bu-" He couldn't find the right words to say. Finally after a few moments he found the right question to ask. "Where do I go from here?" he said as he looked at his friend, hoping for an answer.

Carter was glad Doug was finally excepting he needed help. "Where you go from here is to talk to someone, and what's going on in your mind, at first I never liked the sound of it either Doug, but you need to go and get help," He said to him. "If you like I can set you up with someone I still once and while see as my therapist, He's pretty good," He said to him. "Also you need time, before you go back to Carol and the girls," He said to him

Doug stood for a second, taking in what Carter had just told him. "I'll do it if you do me a favor." Doug stopped, he had to choose his words carefully and he knew it. "will you keep this between just you me? I can handle people thinking a have a bad temper but I don't want anyone to know if I'm going to therapy...not even Carol." thinking back on the past 36 hours he almost laughed, "oh hell Carter, I don't even have a place to stay. I know Carol doesn't want to see me but she has the only set of keys to our house..." he put a hand on his face and let out a deep sigh " there is nothing I can do to fix what I've done with Carol is there?" Doug couldn't go back to work, and he couldn't go home. what he needed now was a good friend.

Carter smiled at Doug. "Its not a problem Doug, this can be between you and Me," He said to him. "I set you up for your appointment, and since you said Carol doesn't want to see you right now, you can stay with me at the mansion, there's tons of room," He said. (that's where he lives when he's not with Abby at times)

Doug grinned. he was really happy he had someone to share this with. he was glad Carter didn't give up on him like everyone else. he didn't know what to say to Carter so he just walked up and pulled him into a hug. when he pulled back he gave him a look that said, 'thanks a lot.' but didn't say a word. after pacing back and forth awhile he looked up "oh hell, I'm ruined your day with Abby didn't I? sorry john. should we go back to work?"

Carter looked at him. "No you haven't, I'll call her again in a little bit," He said to him... He hugged him back with a big hug. "Yes we should get back into work, and I call my therapist for you," He told him.

Doug walked back into the hospital with Carter. he saw that Susan had come in. he walked from Carter over to her and sat down. as she sat down with him Doug put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. "I'm so sorry Susan. I have been having a rough time lately. I would never hurt you, I love you very much."

Susan hugged Doug back. "I love you too. don't worry about it." she said as she smiled at him. "I'm not that easy to get rid of. I'm glad you ok now though." as she stood up to go back to work she looked back at him. "you should tell that to Carol, maybe not today, but you need to talk to her soon." Susan walked away and hoped he would. as she walked down the hall she saw Carter. "hey Carter thanks so much for talking with Doug. he looks so much better now."

Carter looked at Susan. "Your welcome," He told her, "Its not a problem, what are friends for," He said to Susan, wishing he could get a hold of Abby

As Doug sat in the chairs he realized he wasn't on today. not quite knowing what to do he thought he should go get some of his things at the house before Carol got home. he didn't know where she was or what he would ever say to her but he knew one day he had to try. he passed by his house twice. he didn't want to go in but he had to get his stuff. "Ahh damn" he thought "if I had only listened to her in the first place." his head was pounding since it had been almost 12 hours since he had used anything. he couldn't even think about using because he knew if he did it would be back to step one. after spending an hour in the grocery store and coming back to the house he thought, "its now or never" he quietly walked into the living room nervously looking around. not seeing anyone he went into the bedroom and grabbed up some clothes and his toothbrush. still not seeing Carol he thought she might be on a walk. he took out if his pocket what he had bought at the grocery store. as he left he set the box of animal crackers on the counter without a note. he knew Carol would know it was from him. he pulled out of the driveway and went back to the hospital.

Carol had taken the girls on a walk a few hours ago. She walked into the house and saw a card and animal crackers; She didn't know what to do with them it was to hard to even pick up.

Doug reached the hospital again. he walked in and semi searched for Carter. not seeing him and not really caring he walked into the lounge and sat down. he felt like he was interrupting a conversation between weaver and a short red haired surgeon that he knew he had seen before but couldn't quite place with a name. their shouting match continued as he sat down. once they both looked up at him they went to leave. "Kerry" Doug said in a soft tone, "once you have a second id like to speak with you." she nodded and left. Doug sat thinking on what to do next, thinking of all the new people here, and mostly what to say to Carol. "oh that was Dr. Romano." he thought "no wonder I blocked him out... ok now I'm stalling. maybe I should leave a message on her cell phone. but what if she picks up?" he debated over this for a long period of time. finally he picked up the phone and dialed her cell number.

Carter walked into the lounge and saw Doug. He still hadn't found Abby anywhere that day. "Hey Doug, how's it going?" He asked him

Doug closed the cell phone. "Fine. I'm just a little bored. I went to my house to get some clothes and stuff. so when are you off?"

"Ah its one of those days," He said to him. "Well I'm off in a bout three minutes, so we could go to my place afterwards. Even though I wished I could find Abby," He said to him

"Yeah I wish I could find Carol. HA! at least we have one thing in common." Doug sat down. his head was pounding and his hands were shaking, but he was trying hard not to let Carter notice. "yeah so whenever your off and ready to go let me know...and thanks again"

Carter noticed the hand shake. "Doug are you ok?" He asked him. "And I'm off now," He said to him as he looked at his watch

Doug looked up at Carter. "I'm..." at first he was going to deny it, but he knew it wouldn't do any good."I feel sick. I probably look like crap too. I'm sad to say Carter, that you kind of met me at a bad place in my life. but let's just leave it at that." he said standing up and getting his jacket. "I just need to get out of here."

Carter was shocked to hear this from Doug. "Doug um ok," He said to him not really knowing what to do

looking at carter's reaction Doug tried to say something. "can we just go? I've never seen your house anyway. you hungry?"

"All right lets go, Just warn its bigger then you think Doug, its not really what you call a house. And yea I'm hungry," he said to him. They left the lounge. "Did you Drive here or take the El?" he asked him.

Doug laughed, "How big could your house be?" once he walked outside he looked for his car. "yeah I drove here but I'm not sure I should be driving. m head is killing me. do you want to stop and get something to eat or do you have food at your house?" after pausing for a second Doug pulled out his wallet "hey, do you want me to pay help pay rent or something since I'm staying with you for a few days?"

Carter laughed. "Doug put away your money; I 'm just being a friend."I'm not living in an apartment or a house" he said. "I'll drive, "He told him. We have plenty of food, where were going'' he told him

Doug looked surprised. "ok, I just don't want to be taking over your house." he said with a laugh. following Carter to his car he got in. "so Carter... you know, I really do owe you. I mean I just came back into Chicago a few days ago after not seeing you for five years and here you are helping me out. that means a lot..." trying now to change the subject he started again. "hey! I thought Susan had told me that you and her were going out a few years ago! whatever happened with that?"

Carter looked at him as he drove to the mansion, He would be staying there since his gamma had passed away, it still felt home. Carter turned as Doug mentioned Susan, ''Oh We thought it could work, but then we realized we didn't have chemistry, but I'm really in love with Abby, but Susan and I are still friends," She said to her

Doug shook his head. "Man I still remember Mark and Susan. she was almost the only woman I didn't see at county because I knew Mark was stuck on her. ever since then we have been friends." Doug could see a huge mansion in the distance. "Look at that" he said. "I don't know how people can live in places like that! when I was young I lived in a three room house in Kentucky and I thought I was lucky!"

Susan finished up her shift at county. after realizing that Carter and Doug had left she went out looking for someone to eat dinner with. she hated being alone, especially after they day she had today. after getting her things out of her locker she scrolled down the list in her cell phone. as she came across carol's she hit enter without a second thought. maybe Carol would like some company tonight too. as it rang she waited for Carol to pick up.

Carter pulled into the mansion. "Its easy" He told Doug. "I grew up with a rich family, and to tell you the truth I hated it mostly" he told him. He parked the car, and got out. "Welcome to the Carter Mansion" he told him. As he stopped the engine and waited for Doug to get out

Carol was doing some shopping while the girls were with her mama, she was still mad at Doug, she didn't know at the moment if she could forgive him. As she was looking at her list she heard her cell go off. "Hello?" She said into the phone

"Oh, it's your house? damn I'm sorry for joking about it." Doug said as he stepped out of the car. both men walked into the house and Doug was floored. "wow Carter this is great. so what now?"

"Hey Carol, it's Susan. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Carter looked at Doug at first it didn't seem like he was joking. "Well you can pick any rooms out of all these hundred rooms" he said to her

"Hey Susan what's up, I'm just grocery shopping," She said to her

"Ha-Ha hell man, just set me up where ever. hey you even got a basketball court! I remember the last time we played, you were all mad cause I slept with... well old times. "he cleared his throat."you have some aspirin I could have?" Doug said uncomfortably. it had been a strange day and he was just starting to feel the full effect of it.

"oh I need to do that too." she stopped, she wondered if Carol didn't just want to be left alone. "well if you want to go out later I'll get you a drink on me. maybe even Abby will come."

Carter remember that. "Hey that was strange, there's a room over here, or there, But I suggest you take this one its nice and warm."Well the truth Harper and I didn't really go out that long" He said to him

Carol looked at her watch. "Yea I would love to hang out."Um I thought Carter and her were going to have a date," She said to her

"Sure, I got this one." Doug said as he set his stuff inside. "are you on tomorrow? I need to go and talk to weaver about a long time position." as they started walking back down Doug felt he needed to be honest. "hey Carter thanks for setting me up, but if it's ok I'm going to take a walk or something. are you staying here tonight?"

"Oh well" Susan didn't know if she should say who Carter was actually with, "I think he just went home. but call me back if you want to get a drink. otherwise ill see you tomorrow."

Carter looked at Doug worriedly. "I don't work tomorrow, I work the next day" he said to him. "I'm going to stay here, and see if I can get contact with Abby at all

"Wait Susan, I go with you tonight, I need to be out of the house," She said to her

"ok, well have fun with Abby. I wont be gone too long, I-I just need to take a walk. don't wait up." he said as he grabbed his coat and walked outside.

"ok, you want to meet at Hennessey's? its just off Michigan blvd. I need to go out too. when is good for you?"

Carter nodded at Doug. "Don't worry, I won't wait up for you" he said to Doug. He went down the hall and started to call Abby's number again

"Sounds good to me, I meet you there as soon as I'm done," She said to Susan

Doug nodded and walked outside. he didn't know the neighborhood but he was sure there weren't many muggers around. he walked up and down the street many times not quite knowing what to do. he stuck his hand in his jacket to find his cell phone, when he felt a bottle case instead. he pulled it out and looked at the label. it was his prescription from when he hurt his knee. he had been refilling it for almost a year and a half. he took one look at them and threw the bottle down the street. "that is what had done all this" he told himself, but he knew it wasn't true, he had done it. he wanted to call Carol but he knew he couldn't. instead he walked back to the mansion. he didn't go in the front though; instead he walked to the back where the basketball court was. he looked around and found a ball. even though it was a little deflated it would work. he stood back and shot. the sound of it going in made a nice swish. the next five short went in. however, playing quickly moved into frustration and he threw the ball at the backboard. it smacked loud as it hit. as he saw the ball roll past him he picked it up and threw it again. "Ahh!" he yelled as he threw it a third time.

"alright, just give me a call when your ready." Susan said as she hung up the phone.

Carter had heard the noise in the back. He still hadn't gotten a hold of Abby. He walked out to the court. "I'll play you one on one" he said trying to cheer up Doug as well. He hadn't played out here for awhile.

"All right, I give you a call when I'm ready," She said to her

Doug looked around as he saw Carter. "Sorry for making noise. I thought you were going out with Abby." he said as he gave Carter the ball.

"Its not a problem Doug, so did I. I haven't heard from her all day" he told Doug

"Yeah, I think my shot is off, I just missed and hit the backboard." Doug said, trying to make something up to explain the noise. "It's getting late; I don't want to keep you up. I just know I wont be able to sleep, you know?"

Anna stood in the ambulance bay at County. It had been so long since she had last stood here. Chicago had called her back once again. There was something about the windy city. She could leave but not stay gone for long. When she got the call that County had accepted her resume she was excited yet scared. She wasn't sure what to expect and she didn't know if she would be welcomed back with open arms.

Kerry Looked up at the board. Chen had called in sick, Luka was missing in action. She was down two attending now and being over run by obnoxious little med students. She picked up the phone and dialed Carter's number. He was the chief resident he was going to get his hinny in here and supervise them. Kerry was administration now and as much as she loved patient care she was buried in meetings and didn't have time to baby-sit.

Carter looked at Doug. "Its not a problem" Carter said as he shot the hoop into the basket. Just as he did. He heard he was getting Page. "Dang it Weaver's already paging me to work, when I Just got off. Carter went and Dialed the ER, on his cell phone.

Kerry didn't want for John to answer when she heard the phone being picked up. "Carter, get back in here. I'm down attending and your residents need supervising."

"Yeah weavers like that" Doug said as he watched Carter dial his phone. "you have to go in?"

"Fine Kerry, even though I just got off, I'll be there" He said annoyed. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep. He hung up. "Yea I got to go in" he told Doug. "See you later, and don't worry about asking the maids for anything, they will help you" he told him

Kerry did feel a slight twinge of guilt for calling him back in, but it slowly faded when she looked around at all the young inexperienced faces that were in her ER. With all that Carter had put into this hospital it wasn't surprising to her that his name was at the top of her list for an attending spot at the end of his residency. She sighed as she left a message with Jerry for Carter to come up and meet with her when he got a chance. He'd make a great asset to the hospital even with everything he had been through. Carter definitely was a dedicated doctor whom she had no qualms with. She wasn't worried about any flack of Robert about this either. He'd just have to come to terms with Carter being an attending.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Carter made it back to the ER. It looked busy, and wonder what the hell was going on. And the younger the students, they looked like they had not a clue of what the heck was going on. Where were some of the other residents? Jerry gave him a note to meet with Kerry. Ok he thought, was he in trouble for not being her. Carter walked upstairs to her new office and knocked on the door. "Dr. Weaver, its Carter you wanted to see me" he said to her as he waited for her to let him in

"Yes Carter," Kerry said looking up from her increasing tower of paper work, "there's something important that I want to talk to you about." She said looking at him. "Actually it has to do with your future here at County."

Carter stood there listening to Kerry. "About my future here, "he said. Um OK" he said to Kerry. He wonder what about his future here meant to him. He waited for her to reply. He just stood there waiting to here what else she had to say to him.

"Yes Dr. Carter." Kerry said, "please sit down." Kerry pointed to the chair. "As you know you residency will be over here shortly, and I am not aware that you were planning on leaving us here at County. We would like to offer you a position here on staff as an attending physician."

Carter was shocked. He was being offered to be attending, when his residency was up. "Yes Kerry I would like that" he told her. Finally no one was going to look down on him a gain. But Kerry was still his boss, and also she had been one of his mentors as well. "Thank you Kerry" He said to her

"There's no need to thank me Carter, you've earned it yourself. You've worked hard and proven yourself. Now go get back to work. I'm sure there's a board piling up down there with patients." Kerry said to him. "And thank you Carter for coming in. I know that you just finished your shift, but I'm short handed and I didn't want to leave the other new attending down stairs with out any help on her first day."

Doug shot a little more after Carter left. he knew tomorrow would be even harder then today. he would have to ask Kerry about his future at county and he knew he would have to face Carol. he looked at his watch, it was getting really late and he wanted to go to the hospital early. he walked inside without talking to anyone. after lying down for a little he finally managed to fall asleep.

Susan went home to change and wait for carol's call. she wasn't quite sure if she would bring up the subject of Doug or not, but she was just glad to have her friend back.

"All right" Carter said to her. wondering who the new attending was. "I see you later Kerry" he told her. He then went back downstairs and put his lab coat on and started seeing patients. He hadn't seen the new attending yet.

Carol was walking down the street when she saw a familiar person. "Anna," She said to her. Maybe she invite her to go along with her and maybe let her meet Susan.

Anna turned around at hearing someone call her name. "Oh hi Carol." Anna said surprised to see a familiar face after all this time. "How are you?"

I'm doing ok" Carol said to her. "So what you doing, would you like to go out with me and a friend of mine" Carol asked her

"I'd like to really but I have to work." Anna said, "they are expecting me and I think technically my shift started already." Anna let out a soft sigh. "It's a little harder to go back in there than I thought it would be."

Susan wondered if Carol was done shopping yet. she could really use a drink, she knew she was on tomorrow but she didn't care. she had done it before. she grabbed the phone and dialed the number; she cleared her throat as it rang.

"Don't worry you do fine" Carol said. "I got to go, but nice seeing you again Anna" Carol said to her. Carol heard her phone go off. "Hello?" She asked her

Anna turned and walked inside the ambulance bay doors. The ER was a lot different than she had remembered it. But some things were still the same. She went thru security and down to the lounge where she tossed her things into a locker before heading back out to check the board. She stood in front of it for a minute before she turned to start flipping thru glancing at the charts to see what if any interesting cases there might be.

"hey Carol. I cant get a hold of Abby, but if you want to go out just us it's fine."

Carter finished working on patients. He wonder where the hell the new attending was. He hadn't seen her in awhile, and he was here to help. He walked up to admit where Anna was standing, but he didn't realize it was her yet. "Your late, you should of been here awhile ago." he said sounding a little irritated, cause part of him was in charge of the ER at the moment.

Carol listened to Susan. "ok, well I'm on my way," She said to her

"all right, ill see you soon." Susan said as she headed out the door. since the bar was about a block from her apartment Susan wasn't surprised when she got there first. she went up to the counter and ordered a margarita as she waited for Carol.

Doug rolled around in the oversized bed. he had finally fallen asleep and now he was up again. he rubbed his face before he sat up. after a moment he was up and walking through the mansion. he couldn't believe all this was Carter's. after awhile he walked down to the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. finally he grabbed a beer and stepped outside to carter's basketball court again. he sat down on the basketball as he drank. he knew he needed to set up an appointment with Kerry tomorrow to talk about getting his job back, but he didn't want to deal with talking to her tonight. instead he went inside and called the front desk. jerry answered the phone. "hey Jer, its Doug Ross. could you leave a message for weaver for me? tell her to call me when she is free tomorrow ok?" he hung up without saying goodbye. this was not something he looked forward to, especially after the scene he pulled today.

Carol went and got her stuff ready. She then went and met up with Susan. "Hey Susan," She said to her

Susan turned around. "Hey! what's going on? there aren't many good looking guys in this one." she said with a half laugh. "your day get any better?"

Anna picked up a couple of charts from the rack and headed off to see patients. From the looks of the waiting room it appeared like it was going to be a long night. As she came out of the exam room after tending to her first patient she couldn't' believe the doctor she saw standing not that far from her.

my days getting to be ok" Carol said to her. "I mean I just need to have a girl's night out with you," She said to her

Carter was still pretty irritated. "You were late, and I had to drag my behind in here, after I got off to cover for you" he said still not aware of it being Anna.

"I was just a couple minutes late Carter." Anna said she was under the impression that he didn't recognize her. She looked at him, "are we high and mighty in the ER now?"

Susan smiled. it was good to hear. "All right then. let's order you a drink!" she said as she motioned the bartender over. Susan knew once they got a few drinks down they would both be in a lot better moods. "So you're staying for sure?" she asked as they got their drinks.

Carter looked at her, All of sudden he felt awful, but still anger for Anna leaving him. He had confessed his love. "I'm sorry Anna," he said to her But he had been hurt by her leaving him for max. But he was now happy with Abby.

Carol looked at Susan, "Yes can I get vodka" she asked. she wanted to drink heavily tonight. At least her mama told her it was time to get out and have fun.

"Hey don't be sorry Carter; it's been a long time." Anna said as she twisted the ring on her finger, "I'm kind of surprised to see you still here. I thought that you would have moved on by now."

"Well I'm still here, and a lot of things have happened since you left" he told her He didn't know how to tell her about his past, the past that haunted him each day of his life, He hadn't told anyone that he still sometimes get the back pains "I'm chief resident, but I was just offered a attending position here" he told her

"Attending Carter wow that's great for you." Anna said. "You're chief resident. Maybe we can catch up later. I have a pile of patients that need to be seen."

Carter smiled back at her. "That would be great Anna" he said as he went to work on his own patients as well. It would be hours to see her again

Anna finished seeing her last patient for the night. She headed into the lounge and flopped down on the couch stretching out for a few minutes. She could see the daylight once again start to stream in thru the window. She glanced at her watch a little after 5 am. Max should be leaving for work in an hour. If she drug her feet a little longer she wouldn't have to deal with him. Maybe she would get her coat and head across the street to get coffee.

After a long night of drinking Susan looked at the clock on the wall. she was amazed the bar tender hadn't kicked them out yet. it was getting into the early morning and her and Carol hadn't really talked about anything substantial. "Ohhh I have to work today" she grumbled pushing away her drink. "Want to get some coffee before we go our ways? we can walk and talk." Susan suggested. she wasn't quite sure if Carol wanted to bring up Doug or not, but sometimes it felt better to talk.

Anna drug herself off of the lounge couch and headed off across the street. She slid into a booth with a cup of coffee and the morning's paper. She figured this was as good of place as any to kill time; at least she wasn't at the apartment arguing with Max for the 100th time about dragging him away from Philadelphia back to Chicago.

Carol looked at Susan. "I take a walk and talk," She said to her

Susan got up with Carol and walked outside. it was fun to get out with an old friend. "So Carol, how did you like Seattle? it must have been beautiful over there. I still remember the day Mark called me and told me how you just flew away to see Doug..." she stopped as she said his name. "you and Doug will be ok. you're perfect together."


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Sadly the person who was originally putting this into story format did have to stop the project due to personal reasons. We didn't want to see the project stop because of the amout of time and effort that has been put into it by all those involved, so I have picked up where she left on and hope to be able to continue on with it. I will update as time allows, but here is Chapter 14 for In The Life, the RPG story from One Can Only Hope._

Chapter 14

Doug woke up when his watch alarm went off. he was freezing. somehow he had fallen asleep outside. he got up off the ground and went inside to get dressed. although a new set of clothes didn't make him feel any better, he looked good enough to talk to weaver. Doug left the Carter mansion without managing to talk to anyone. after he took the el to county he walked in to look for weaver. after not seeing her he looked up her pager number at the front desk and sent her a message to stop by the counter.

Kerry felt her pager beep and she headed down to the admit area. She looked around, "who paged?"

Doug turned around...it was show time. "Hey Dr. Weaver." he said sticking out his hand. "I guess you didn't get my message last night? I would love to talk to you for a second if you have some time." Doug was shocked. Even though he hadn't really seen Kerry in several years, she looked exactly like how he remembered. He only hoped that her memories of him were good.

Carol looked at Susan as she mentioned the name of Doug. "I don't know at the moment," She said to Susan. "Well I know he's my soul mate, we have beautiful daughters together. I just wanted him to get help, but has been taking it out on me," She said to her

Carter walked in to the lounge after awhile and Saw Anna there. "Busy night" He asked her. "If you want, want to get a cup of coffee, I mean to catch up on each other" he said to her

Kerry looked at Doug for a minute; he looked older and seemed tired. "Sure Doug I have a few minutes, why don't we go into my office and talk."

"Yeah it was a busy night." Anna said, "it's been awhile since I've worked in an ER. I'd love to have coffee and catch up with you."

"Great" Carter said to her. "Lets go then." He said to her. "Yea this busy ER now" he said to her

Anna pulled herself up off the couch. "It was busy when I left." She said to him. As she pulled her coat of the locker. "I got pampered working in Philadelphia. The hospital that I was at really never did get hit hard; I think that's why I wanted to come back here. I missed all the excitement."

"Wow" he said to her. "Yea I know what you mean, it still is busy here" he said to her as he helped her

"Well at least you have seem to find a place to call home and you seem to be happy." Anna said, "what's this new place across the street like?"

Doug walked with Kerry into her office. as they sat down he started to talk. "Well Dr. Weaver, I know last time I worked here I didn't exactly leave on the best of circumstances...in fact I know I should have been fired long before then. however, Carol and I are back in town and nothing would make me happier then to work back here again. and before you say anything please know that years can change people, I'm not the same kind of person I was back then..."Doug struggled with his words. he wished he didn't pick the night before to try and stop his problem. taking a deep breath he tried again, "look, what I'm trying to say is I would really like a job here, and I appreciate your time."

Susan saw how this hurt her. "I'm sorry for bringing it up Carol. you know this isn't Doug though, something's bothering him and once he figures it out I know he'll be fine. he's a strong person...and so are you."

Carol looked at Susan. "Its not your fault Susan, I know, I hope he works it out," She said to her.

Susan was about to walk into the coffee house when she caught a glimpse of her watch. she was on in thirty minutes. "Oh no..." she grumbled. "Carol I hate to do this but I have to go to work. but ill tell you what, do you like yoga? I go every Saturday and Carter goes sometimes too. it can really help you relax if you want to come ill call you."

"Doug, you know that you and I have never gotten along that well, but I won't hold that against you. But I have to have some assurances that what happened in the past is not going to happen again. As it is I am short handed doctors, the ER is being overrun with med students. I need someone who can teach, but not break the rules every time I am not looking. If I give your job back to you, there will have to be conditions attached to it." She said to him, "the last thing that I need is a renegade back in the ER."

Doug nodded. "I understand. ill be open to any conditions you have, and I wont go over the top. you have my word. I just really need this job. I can start whenever you want."

"You can have the job then Doug. But I want you to work under Susan for now. I want you to run all your narcotic prescription by her. I also want you to check in with me on a weekly basis to run your patients by me. You'll only have to do this for, let's say 90 days and then I will let you have a little more freedom, but Doug, Mark isn't here to cover your butt and protect you. You screw up and that's it there won't be any second chances." Kerry said to him. "You can start today. But don't expect all day shifts, and you will be expected to see adults as well as Peds cases."

"Well for now I do, but it hasn't all been that good," He admitted to her. not where to start how bad things got after she left or about the addiction.

"NO don't worry about, as a matter of fact I go with you. I need to talk to Kerry about getting a job there myself," She said. "yoga I don't know," She told her.

"All that matters is that you are happy now Carter." Anna said looking at him. Anna's cell phone rang and she turned away from Carter when she answered it. "No, got held up at County. Yes, I know, no I have to work same time as tonight. Don't yell at me." Anna hung up the phone, and turned her attention back to Carter, "sorry about that."

Carter looked at her. "Yea, things are getting better" he said to her. "That's OK" he said to her. "Anna there's some things you might want to hear from me, what's happened in the past. I really need to tell you this stuff as friends" he told her

Doug smiled and agreed. he didn't care he was just glad to have his job back. "thank you Kerry." he said before walking down to the ER to get his stuff ready and grab a patient.

"Whatever happened Carter in the past probably should stay there." Anna said looking at him, "just because we are friends doesn't mean that you have to tell me everything. When you're ready to tell me you can, otherwise I have a feeling that it's none of my business really."

Carter was looking at her. "Listen Anna, I feel the right that you deserve to know, I want to tell you. I don't want to hide it from you" He said to her.

"I would never see you as hiding from me Carter." Anna said as she reached out for his hand, "you will always be my dearest friend Carter no matter what has happened. So if you want to tell me then just spit it out."

Susan smiled at Carol. "Oh come on. yoga is more fun then it sounds." she joked as they walked up to county. "I know you'll get your job back! it'll be so much fun to work with you again!" it had been a long night and Susan wasn't really relishing the fact that she was on. as they walked into the hospital Susan cringed when she saw Doug reading at the desk. he didn't notice they had walked in.

Carter smiled as Anna took his hand. "Ok Well a few years ago I was stabbed, along with my med. student. She didn't make it. Then a few months later I started taking more pain meds. I'm addicted to drugs Anna" He said to her finally. "I been sober for a few years now, But I still go to AA meetings" he finally told her

Carol looked at her. "Can I think about it," She asked her joking back. "I hope so," She said to her as they walked in. She then noticed Doug there, but she didn't want to talk to him.

Susan looked over to Carol. "want to go to the lounge?"

Doug was reading about all the new policies Kerry had added in the past few years. he didn't notice anyone coming in. it wasn't a heavy day yet since they were in those awkward hours that no one seemed to get sick in. he was glad Kerry had given him another shot, although he was still wondering about the whole 'report all cases and narcotic' thing...he decided he would just let it go, for now.

Kerry came back down to the ER. She wasn't fully comfortable having Doug working there again, but hopefully he had changed over the years that he had been gone and she could lift what restrictions she had put on him soon. "Doug," She said when he saw him sitting there reading, "I was wondering if you wouldn't mine being on call for L&D today, they are short and I was hoping that you wouldn't mind floating up there if they need you."

Doug looked up. "Oh...yeah Kerry that's fine. how long of a shift do you want me to work anyway?" sitting there Doug had started to feel better about moving back. if nothing else, at least he had a job now, which is more then he could say for Carol.

"Thanks Doug, I know how much you love kids and I know that you'll be a big help welcoming those new babies." Kerry said. "If you can stay until 3 that would be fine."

"Carter, it takes a lot of courage to openly admit that." Anna said, "you're recovering that's great. I know if must be hard, but I also know that you are strong and will make it. At least you have the will power to change when you see yourself headed down the wrong road."

"Sure Kerry, I'm here for you." he said cracking a smile. "oh Kerry, I think Carol was looking to find you sometime today also. if you talk to her will you tell her I'm hanging with Carter tonight? I never know when I'll see her." he said lying. he didn't need Kerry knowing their business, but he wanted Carol to know that he had a place to stay.

"I'll tell her if I see her Doug," Kerry said as her eyes glanced out over the triage waiting area that was now starting to fill up, "now get to work there's a board with patients."

Carter smiled at Anna. "I know" He said to her, "I ...there's well still days I want to go to the drug cabinet and take something, But then I remember my steps. Also I would like you to meet someone later, she basically save my life, I mean if she hadn't caught me in the trauma room. I don't think I would of been here" he said to her

Sure" Carol said to her. "What has changed the place so much," She asked her friend

"I'm glad that you have someone Carter, and I would love to meet her sometime." Anna glanced down at her watch and let out a deep sigh, "I'm assuming that she works at County. What does she do?"

Doug nodded as he grabbed a clipboard and started off for curtain one. "Thanks again Kerry!" looking over the chart he saw the young man had an elevated temp and complained of stomach pain. "Hello, I'm Dr. Ross." he said to the kid. he was happy to be able to say that at all.

"Kerry's summer renovation." Susan said with a laugh. "you should have seen it in July! workers everywhere, I think the lounge was under a pile of ruble. it was pretty bad. but then again, ever since Romano officially took over as chief of staff and Kerry for the ER it has been a mess since they never agree on anything." Susan looked outside the lounge. it looked like it was starting to build up but she wasn't on for another ten minutes. "so when are you going to talk to Kerry?"

Kerry walked into the lounge to get a cup of coffee before going up to knock heads with Romano one more time over some budget issues, and her being understaffed in the ER. She was surprised to see Susan and Carol both in there. Kerry didn't say anything but continued to get coffee.

"Hey Kerry." Susan said with her usual perky voice. "Having a good morning so far? it doesn't look too busy yet." she said standing up to open up her locker. she didn't want to hear anything about not working up patients yet so she decided to pretend she was getting ready and make small talk.

"Yeah Susan it's been fine. You have help today; Doug is on as attending today so you won't have to run the ship yourself." She said, "I have some board meetings today I'll be back and forth between upstairs and down here. Page me if you get buried and can't get out other than that I'm leaving you in charge Susan, you're the senior attending."

Carol smiled at Susan's comment on the renovation, but she could tell when Kerry had walked in, she had over heard it. "Ah I see," She said. "Hello Kerry," She said

Susan smiled, "Oh I'm all over it." she was surprised Kerry had given Doug his job back just like that, but she was glad. after she put on her lab coat and stethoscope she went and sat back down next to Carol. "So are you going to be alright today?" she asked

Doug had started to work up the young man when all of a sudden the kid threw up all over him. "Ohhh." Doug said as he took a step back. "That's ok...I'll be right back." he said before making his way to the lounge to change his shirt. Doug could only see Kerry through the small window in the door so he opened it. "hey Kerry where are the extra scrubs?" he asked before he looked up to see Susan and Carol.

Kerry nodded, "Hello Carol." She then turned her attention back to Doug, "There should be some in the supply closet just off Trauma 2 Doug."

Doug stood holding the chart in his hand. he had heard Kerry but he wanted to wait for Carol to say something to him, or at least recognize that he was there at all. He had almost put her out of his mind once the shift started, but as soon as he saw her everything came back. all he felt was pain.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Kerry turned and headed out of the lounge, there was something in the air in there that made her feel extremely uncomfortable. Besides she had a board meeting that she needed to get to upstairs.

"Yea her names Abby, That would be great Anna" He said to her. "Yes, Abby's she's the head nurse in the ER "he told her

Susan saw Kerry leave. she felt the tension too so she got up without a word and left the lounge. she hoped that nothing happened. Carol didn't deserve anymore hurt today. as her shift started she grabbed the next trauma that came in the door.

Anna could see the twinkle in Carter's eye when he said her name. She couldn't help but smile but she could see how much he had changed since she left. She was glad that they were talking about him and not her that was the last thing that she wanted. "Abby, she sounds perfect for you John."

Doug watched Susan get up and walk past him to the door. He never moved his eyes off of Carol. She looked so beautiful. Nervously he played with the chart he held. After he swallowed hard he opened his mouth to speak. "Hey." he said, just barely above a whisper.

"Oh Susan," Kerry said turning to the other doctor. "I want you to keep an eye on Doug please. I put some conditions of him getting his job back and one of them is he has to have another attending sign off on all his narcotic prescriptions. Sorry to dump more on you, but that's the price you pay for being a senior attending."

Susan screwed on a fake smile. "No problem" looking around she could see the waiting room was filling quickly. "Kerry, where is everyone?"

Kerry looked around "I have no idea, pull Doug out of the lounge with Carol, I'll page Carter, and he's supposed to be here too." Kerry turned away to Jerry, "If a doctor is supposed to be here, page them and tell them to get there butt's in here or they are fired." She walked over to the elevator, "I've got a staff meeting I will be done when it's done."

"Thank you, I hope she is, its hard I mean I never been in a long term relationship" he said to Anna. He heard his pager going off. "Dang got to get back to work, I wonder when am I ever going to sleep again" he said to her. "Want to come back with me" he asked her

"Hey" She said to Doug silently, "Um I got to find Kerry, I talk to you um later," She said leaving the lounge. For now she felt uncomfortable with Doug. "Has anyone Seen Kerry, I need to see about having my job back, well just as a nurse, I don't want to be Nurse Manager," She said

"Why don't I cover for you Carter?" Anna said, "that way you can get some sleep."

"Are you sure, I know Kerry will fire me if I'm sleeping on the job" He told her

"Yeah John, I'm fine with covering for you." Anna said heading towards the door, "I don't have anything to go home to, and we can't have Kerry firing you now can we."

Susan turned to Carol. "you just missed her. she went up to a staff meeting. they usually only last about an hour or so." she said brushing past her. Susan opened the door to call out to Doug. "Hey we're getting swamped we need you!"

Doug rolled his eyes when Carol walked past him. he knew they wouldn't end up talking later. it hurt him to see how uncomfortable she was when he was near her. after he heard Susan call his name it snapped him back into reality and he shot out of the lounge bumping into carol's back. "sorry." he said with a wince. "Alright everyone let's get going. I'll get started on the waiting room, let me know if any traumas come in, and page some more doctors!"

With out waiting for an answer from Carter, Anna went back to the ER. She made a quick trip into the lounge to throw her things into her locker pull on her lab coat and practically ran out to admit. "All right what do we have?" Anna said as she literally ran into Doug.

Doug took a step back from the impact. looking to see who it was he was shocked to recognize a face from the past. "Anna?"

"Sorry Doug." Anna said picking up a chart, "let's get busy shall we, seems that we have a board piling up behind us. You take the puking twins in three; I've got the LOL in 2."

Carter followed Anna in. "All right lets get these patients out of here" he said to them. "I know the ER and the halls are crowded, I learned this from one of my mentors here, Lets take three charts, call there name and talk to them and lets get them out , home or admit, etc." he said to the staff.

Anna turned to Carter, "Hey Carter, Doug and I have this why don't you let us handle this and you got get some sleep before I change my mind about covering for you."

"All right" he said to her. "I owe you one Anna" He said handing her a few charts he had taken, and went and found a nice exam room to fall asleep

Doug grabbed some charts. "glad you came back." he said with a grin. "ok...here we go" he said calling out some names, most cases were fairly simple and Doug liked it that way since he had other things on his mind. he hoped Kerry would get back down her soon to help out as well.

Kerry finished up the board meeting with Romano and then went back down to the ER. The chaos that she had left them with an hour ago seemed to be settling down. Maybe hiring Doug back wasn't such a bad idea. He seemed to have jumped back into the flow of things fairly well. She glanced at the board as she took a sip from the coffee she was holding.

Carol walked up to the admit desk and finally saw Kerry. "I been looking for you all over, can we talk," She said to her. She was having a hard time with the situation with her and Doug, and working with him at the moment was hard. She wanted to forgive him, but him hitting her was the worse thing ever.

Doug had intentionally walked past Carol and number of times, he had hoped she would say something else to him, but she hadn't. currently he was just finishing up casting a man with a compound fracture. "before I let you go let me give you something for the pain." he said before walking to the drug cabinet. before he walked back he remembered Kerry's ultimatum. seeing her and Carol at the desk he decided to interrupt their conversation to get the ok from Kerry, but mostly to get Carol to notice him. walking in between them both he faced Kerry. "hey could you sign off on this?" normally he wouldn't have even asked but he didn't want to piss her off on his first day back. "I just want to give the guy some percocets."

"Yeah we can talk in a minute Carol," Kerry turned to Doug, "yeah not a problem." Kerry signed off on the percocets before turning back to Carol again. "What is it you want to talk about?"

Doug stood there for a moment. he was getting pissed the Carol was acting like he wasn't even there. he wanted to fix their problem, or at least talk about it. He didn't want to have to stay at Carter's much longer. he didn't like being a burden to him and he knew Carter had problems of his own. seeing Carol wanted to talk to Kerry Doug went back and gave the script to his patient. Anna and him had finally cleared most of the patients so he walked over to her. "hey there. good job, I think we put a good dent in it."

I would like to know if its possible if I can work here again, just as nurse, and for now not assign me on Doug's shift , were having mutual differences and I would be best helpful if I'm not around him at the moment," She said sadly, cause deep in her heart she loved him so much

"Talk to Abby about that. She's the nurse manager. If she can use another nurse then of course Carol I would love to have you on the staff." Kerry said to her, "scheduling you'll have to talk to Abby about that too."

"Yeah, so what brought you back here?" Anna asked. "Never thought that I would see you at County again."

"yeah I know." Doug started with a laugh. it was good to see Anna again. she looked good, happy, and pretty as always did. "Carol brought me back. she missed Chicago I guess." Doug had to stop after mentioning her; he wished she would talk to him. everything bad had seemed to happen all at once to him and he couldn't take much more, he needed something to take the edge off. "hey Anna, do me a favor? I hurt my knee a month or so ago, will you write me a script for something? I got a big basketball game coming up at the YMCA and I want to be able to play." he knew it was a bad excuse but he hoped she wouldn't see through his lie.

"Who are you seeing for it Doug?" Anna asked as she pulled out her script pad and scribbled on it. "This should get you a couple of days."

"All right, I talk to Abby when I see her," She said to her

"Oh I was seeing my old orthopedists in Seattle." he said as he watched her write the script. "thanks Anna." Doug looked around, there really wasn't anyone left to see. "hey I'm going to run to docs to get something to eat, want to come?"

"Sure, I might as well take the break while I can get it." Anna said to him. "Carol coming with us?"

Doug had to let out a tiny grin at the question. "Uhh probably not." he said walking out the door.

Anna followed Doug. "Don't worry Doug I promise I won't ask anymore questions." She kicked the ground as she walked. The tiny fake grin on Doug's face was enough to let her know that all wasn't well.

Doug grinned and put his arm around Anna as they walked. "I'll tell you about it some other time." he didn't want her to feel she had hit a nerve with him so he tried to change the subject. "I'm glad you're back though! you're classy enough to work uptown at northwestern why are you back here?" he asked as they crossed the street and entered the restaurant.

Anna couldn't help but laugh, "classy enough maybe." Her smile faded, "Max is working at Northwestern and well County is home."

"Ahh Max is it!" Doug laughed as they sat down. "Ohhh God it must be right what they say. once you go county you never go back!" he laughed for real. it had been a long time since he had without pretending. "so what you want for..." Doug looked at his watch. "well I guess it's lunch." after briefly looking over the menu Doug looked back at Anna. "so I'm sure you've told everyone else already but you can do it one more time...what's new with you?"

"There is something addicting about County." Anna said seeing Doug smile. "I don't think we have enough time for me to tell you everything that's new with me. Other than being miserably married. "

Doug's smile faded when he heard Anna say that. Everything made him think of Carol, even Anna's problems. "I'm sorry Anna I didn't mean to bring up a sore topic." he said. He set his head on his hand and looked out the window. "At least I'm not the only one with problems" he thought to himself.

Anna reached across the table and took Doug's hand, "whatever is going on between you and Carol, just have faith that it will work out." She said added softly, "be honest and open with her, don't let what has happened in the past happen again in the future."

Doug turned to look at her while she was talking. "That's good advice; I just hope it's not too late." Looking around the restaurant was starting to fill. "Why don't we get something to go, the last thing I need today is for Kerry to think I'm not working." he said standing up.

"That's cool with me Doug," Anna said, "caffeine is all I really need anyway. It's never to late; you have to fight for what you want. I didn't realize how much I missed working these long shifts. Another 12 hours to go."

"I don't think fight is the right word for what I need to do" he joked as he paid for their coffee. "missed working the long shifts? wow Philly must have made you crazy, although I am on for awhile too." he made his way through the crowd of people and outside. it was nice talking to someone like Anna. she was always truthful and funny. "hey Anna, since we both get off so late we should catch dinner tonight. then we would have more time for you to tell me your sob story."

"I'd love to have dinner with you Doug." Anna said, "as for telling you my sob story that I don't know about." She said as they walked back into the ER. A smile crossed her lips, "you know Carter is still a resident and he's crashed in an exam room, we ought to play one more good practical joke on him before he becomes an attending."

This made Doug smile. there weren't any patients waiting so he couldn't think of any reason not to. "oh...I like you so much." he said joking. "ok let's think of a game plan...how mean do we want to be?"

Anna laughed, "something that he will always remember us for. I don't want to hurt him, but a good laugh would be great. Didn't someone already cast him?"

"Yeah, Mark and Susan...too bad to. That was a great idea. You should have seen him skid across the floor! It was a great moment, I don't know if we can top it." Doug thought for a moment. "Carter deserves something good, any ideas?"

Anna pondered for a minute. She wanted to think of something good to do to Carter, but didn't want it to be over the top or to unprofessional of them. "I think I have one Doug and since it's slow now we might be able to pull it off. We tell Carter that we need to take a patient down to the morgue, but it's one of us that's on the gurney. When we are in the elevator who ever is on the gurney can reach out and grab him."

"Ha-Ha" Doug laughed. "Ohhh it'll be good." he said grabbing a gurney. "come here first." he said grabbing her arm and taking her in the lounge. "I use to have some fake blood lying around...cause you never know" he took a vile out of a cabinet "I don't believe that's still here." and poured some fake blood on the sheet. "I'll be on the gurney. you start to tell Carter how it creeps you out to go down to the morgue especially with what happened to this guy." he said looking back up at her. "make some freak accident up. play it good. once he goes into the elevator you take the stairs. since you'll get down there before him turn the lights off and I'll do the rest."

A smile a mile wide crept across Anna's face. "Oh this is going to be good." She said. "Don't go anywhere." She went off to get Carter from his nap. "John," Anna said as she walked into the room where Carter was napping. She didn't feel guilty waking him up since he had been in there sleeping for hours now. "John, wake up I need your help please."

Doug got on the gurney and put the sheet over him. He noticed Susan looking at him so he motioned for her to be quiet as he laid down. If felt good to have fun, he was glad he had come to work today. He was glad Anna came back. But mostly he was glad he still had people that cared for him even if it wasn't Carol, but he would have to fix that later. So he laid down silently and waited for Carter and Anna to come back.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Carter!" Anna shouted louder since she was having a hard time rising the resident. "Come on please, I have to take a patient down to the morgue and I can't go alone."

Carter opened his eyes. "Why can't you go alone" He asked her as he stood up

"Carter its the morgue and I hate going down there. And this guy that I have to take down there was in a horrible accident, he was doing 65 on the Kennedy and crashed his motorcycle his legs were ground down to nothing and well most of him looks like hamburger. I don't want to do down there alone with him. It's just freaking me out. Would you please come with me?" Anna said to him putting on her most convincing pouting face. "It's just to the morgue Carter. Please. I can't go alone I just can't and there's no one else to go with me."

Carter could tell she was scared. "I'm coming."

Anna turned and headed back to where she had left Doug laying on the gurney. She put her hand on the end of the gurney. "Carter thanks I really appreciate this. This poor guy would have been laying here forever if you didn't agree to come with me. It should just take us a few minutes to get him downstairs." Anna wondered what Doug was up to with this prank but she would soon have Carter on the elevator headed downstairs with him and she would zip down the stairs to turn off the lights. "Ready Carter?"

Carter smiled at Anna. "Yep I'm ready" he said to her as he helped her with the gurney.

Anna pushed the gurney with Carter as the negotiated it into the elevator. "Oh wait, I'll meet you downstairs, I forgot to grab his personal belongings." Anna said as she stepped back outside the elevator and continued to back away when she knew the doors were shut she took off flying down the stairs. When she reached the basement she quickly found the light switches to flick the lights off. Whatever Doug was planning had to be good, but she had to admit standing downstairs in the morgue area with the lights off was freaking her out.

Doug tried hard not to laugh in the elevator. Carter was going perfectly into their plan. he quietly waited on the gurney until he heard the ring of the elevator, indicating they had reached the morgue.

Anna stood still as she could. She didn't know for sure what Doug had planned. She wanted as the elevator doors opened she could see the glow and could feel her spine tingle with anticipation.

Carter came down the stairs with the patient. "Anna what are you doing down here" he asked her

"I went back for the patients belongings." Anna said to Carter.

Carter nodded at Anna as he helped her push the patient down the hall

Anna was getting impatient as they headed toward the morgue. Come on Doug the lights are off what are you planning, she couldn't help but wonder. Oh god, what if she didn't get the gurney that Doug was lying on and now really had some poor dead guy down in the morgue.

Doug couldn't help but smile. he could hear the tension in Anna's voice. as the gurney stopped with a jolt he let his blood soaked arm fall off the gurney with a thud. he tried his best to let it swing naturally. he knew Carter would rest his arm back on the gurney, and if he didn't Doug hoped Anna would recognize his signal and get Carter to do it.

Carter saw the dead man's arm go back off, of the gurney. He went and picked it up and put it back on the gurney

Doug felt Carter bring his arm back and set it on the gurney. Right as Carter went to walk away Doug reached back quickly and grabbed his hand pulling him backwards.

Anna watched as the hand beneath the sheet reached out grabbing Carter. Doug was the master of practical jokes, and poor Carter was about to get the scare of his life.

Carter felt his arm being pulled back. "I thought you said the patient was dead" he said to Anna. This wasn't good at all

With the sheet still covering his face and body Doug quickly stuck out his other arm and starting pulling Carter back. he could feel Carter trying to pull away from him so he tightened his grip.

Anna took three steps back from the gurney as if she was deathly afraid. Her voice trembled in her attempt to hold back her laughter. "Dead Carter, there is no was."

Carter didn't like this at all. he was starting to get scared and he never liked the morgue. Lucy's body was down here once. Carter felt the arms; he finally got them realized and ran. He had to take a few breaths. He couldn't believe what had happened in there. He was thinking of Lucy, what if she was alive, He went into the bathroom to get air

Doug heard him run away and shot up laughing pulling the sheet down from him. he looked around to find john but he had left. looking over to Anna the smile faded off his face. "is he ok?"

"I don't know Doug. I thought that he would jump maybe scream." Anna said, "but he turned deathly white and then ran off. I think he went into the bathroom. Which one of us is going after him?" She asked.

Carter was still in the men's bathroom trying to breathe as much as he could. That wasn't suppose to happen. Every time he went near the morgue it reminded him of Lucy. He didn't know who was under the sheet, but it wasn't funny to him at all.

Doug rolled his head back and closed his eyes. he was expecting Carter to jump too...not to react like that. he read Anna's face. she was feeling as guilty as he was. "I should go. I'm the one who did it." he said with a sigh sliding off the gurney. Doug tried his best to wipe off some of the fake blood on his hands, it didn't really work. he jogged around the corner and tapped on the door to the bathroom as he opened it, "Carter...are you alright?"

Carter heard Doug's voice. He wasn't sure what had happened in the morgue. "Do you know who was under the sheet, the dead guy, if he's alive, it was a sick joke, cause it always reminds me of Lucy, what if she had been alive in the morgue, and then die."he said out of nowhere

Doug's face turned white. he knew he had to tell Carter it was him. After a second of hesitation Doug walked into the bathroom and sat down on the floor. "Well...I was the one that grabbed you. I'm sorry Carter it was just supposed to be a joke. If I had know that you would react like that I wouldn't have done it." he felt really guilty, and he knew Carter had a right to be mad.

"I don't know, that was really sick of you two to do, and really low on my account Doug. I thought you would know better then that, to me jokes around here haven't been fun, since I was stabbed" he said to her

Doug sat quietly for a moment taking in what Carter had told him. "Look, I really am sorry John." slowly he stood up. "And I really didn't think that this would upset you so much since it's been four years since your attack." slowly he walked towards the door. he could tell Carter really didn't want to see him at that very moment and he had too many other things going on. He opened the door to leave but before he did he tried one last time to get through to him. "Hey, if there's anything I can do...let me know"

"Doug is he okay?" Anna said she was concerned now, "I didn't think that he'd take a joke like this."

Doug closed the door and rubbed his head. "Neither did I." he said taking a few steps toward the elevator. "Come on, I'll talk to you about it in a second." Doug said as the elevator doors opened. the last thing Doug wanted was Carter overhearing the two of them talk about him. "Come on Anna, Carter needs to be alone for awhile."

Anna ran her hand thru her hair and followed Doug into the elevator. She leaned back against the wall letting out a sigh. "I never thought that one prank would hurt him so bad." She said, "I never meant for this to hurt him Doug."

Doug nodded as they headed back up to the main floor. "well just be glad that you weren't the one who grabbed him." he tried to joke but he saw Anna's face and decided not to. "you I know." he said as the elevator opened. he stood there looking down at his feet. "I feel real bad about it. he seemed really hurt, I guess he's changed a lot after the accident." Doug paused before walking out of the elevator. "DAMN IT! I don't need this today!" he yelled as he went for the lounge. he didn't know how something he thought was going to be funny turned out like this. the last thing he wanted was to hurt one of his only friends.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Carter needed to find Abby, he was mad and hurt, and he still wanted them as friends. He just needed to talk to her. He saw her at the desk. "Hey."

Doug walked into the lounge. today had been a bad day. he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. he wished he had Carol to talk to...at least he had Anna. he wondered if he should tell Anna what was going on with him and Carol; after all it might be nice to get a woman's point of view on it all. he pulled out the prescription she had given him. the last thing he needed was for anyone else to know about that.

Abby looked up, "hey Carter." She said picking up a chart from the nurses' rack. "Did you need something?"

"Yea could we talk" He asked her

Doug stuffed the prescription back in his pocket. He knew he couldn't do anything about Carter until he had a chance to cool off, but he could try to fix the situation with Carol. Doug got up off the couch and walked back by the admit desk. He looked around and didn't see anyone but Carter and Abby. Walking down the hall he spotted Anna. "Hey, have you seen Carol." he asked in a soft voice. He still felt bad about what he and Anna had done, but she looked like it was affecting her more. "You ok?"

"Sure Carter." Abby said looking at him.

Anna looked up at Doug and shrugged her shoulders, "yeah I'm okay. How are you holding up, but I haven't seen Carol."

"I might of taken a joke to seriously" he told her. "Doug and Anna the two other doctors played a joke on me, with me taking a dead guy down to the morgue, and well I got scared and turned all white. I was thinking of Lucy. "Does it sound like a sick joke or not, or did I do the right thing by running away" he told her.

"Sounds like you might have over reacted a little Carter. I can't say what I would have done if it had been me. To them it was a harmless prank, but to you it was something more." Abby said to him, "we all see things differently. I am sure that they didn't mean any harm by it."

Carter listened to her. Somehow Abby always seem to make sense. "Thanks" he said to her. "I know, and I yelled at Doug after that" he told her "I'm such a idiot" he said to her

"I'm fine." he said, walking closer to her. he leaned against the wall next to her and smiled. "he'll get over it. our shift is almost over; you still want to get dinner?"

"I wouldn't say you're an idiot Carter, just sensitive." She said to him. "You'll all get over it eventually."

"Yeah dinner would be great Doug; I'd love to have the company." Anna said to him.

Doug let out a deep sigh. "yeah me too." he looked at his watch, although they still had another half an hour the ER was vacant. "hey, why don't you let me finish some charts and then we can go cause I'm really hungry. what are you in the mood for?" he asked standing up. he was glad that Anna wanted company. he didn't want to go over to carter's house until john had a chance to settle down, and he hating eating by himself.

"Guess I got to sensitive, with there prank" he told her. "Anyways, what are you doing later after you get off" he asked her

"Beer and burgers." Anna said smiling, "go finish your charts, nothing like finishing the day off with a mountain of paperwork. I'll meet up with you in the lounge in a half hour."

"After work I have a date with Mr. Bubbles and Ben and Jerry." Abby said smiling at Carter, "nothing special."

"Well instead of your Mr. Bubbles and Ben and jerry, want to go on a date with me" he asked her

"Hmm, that's a tough decision, Mr. Bubbles or a late night with John Carter." Abby said letting out a small chuckle. "I'm not off until 8."

"Ah come on Abby, I'm off at the same time" He said to her jokingly back

She smiled softly at Carter cocking her head to one side, "what are you offering that will beat bubbles and Ben?"

Doug smiled. "It's on me too, as long as you let me beat you in darts." he said joking. he rubbed the bridge of his nose, it had been such a long day and his head was pounding. sitting up again he said, "yeah, I should have these done soon. I'll meet you in there." Bringing his head back down he tried to focus on his write ups.

"How about Dinner and a Movie with me, I basically get off the same time as you" He told her.

Carol had walked into docs for a much needed break, she spotted Anna and Doug talking, it was hard not to ignore him. She went over and walked to them "Hey Anna Welcome back," She said. She turned to Doug. "Hi," She said it was the first time she said something to him all day, but she hated ignoring him.

"Hi Carol." Anna said looking back to Doug, "things are looking up already. Page me when you're ready."

With her hand on the lounge door Abby looked back at Carter, "dinner and a movie it is. I'll find you when my shift is over."

Carol smiled back her and waited for Doug to answer her.

Carter smiled at her. "that's great" he said to Abby

Doug watched Anna get up and leave. "Yeah, I'll page you soon." gradually his gaze drifted from Anna leaving to Carol who was standing in front of him. "hey yourself." he said in a voice barley above a whisper. he didn't quite know how to react. he couldn't tell if she wanted to talk to him or if she was still pissed off. he looked at her for a second and then brought his eyes back to his paperwork and waited for her to leave or sit down.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Abby went out and started to work on what patients were in the ER. This was a not to bad pace. They weren't slammed with patients and she could take a few extra minutes with the patients that she did have. She smiled to herself looking forward to dinner and a movie with Carter.

Anna went back to the ER. She found a quiet exam room turned off the lights and laid down to catch a few minutes of sleep before Doug got off. Since Carter was seeing patients she figured that they would come and get her if they needed her if not she would sleep until Doug paged her.

Carol looked at him not sure what to say. "I got the card and animal crackers," She said "What I'm trying to say Doug is when you hit me, it scared me and right now I just feel so afraid of you. I just wanted to let you know that," She said sitting down in front of him

Carter had gone to see some of his patients, He couldn't wait to see to have dinner with Abby, and a Movie, and this was going to be a great evening. He was helping a patient. "Sir you got to calm down, I'm here to help," He said. The man didn't and before Carter knew it, he sprayed pepper mace in his eyes twice. Carter came out of the room screaming "my eyes" he said.

Carter's cries startled Anna who ran out to see what she could do to help. She pulled Carter into the exam room and practically threw him onto a gurney. "Lay still Carter. I know it hurts but I have to wash your eyes out." She said grabbing saline to irrigate his eyes with. She started to flush the mace from Carter's eyes.

Doug tried to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. For her to say she was afraid of him hurt more than any insult she could have said. He rubbed his head nervously; he didn't know where to start. "I'm so sorry Carol." he finally managed to whisper out. "You have to know that I would never hurt you...and I love you." He looked back at her face which was still sharp with fear and anger. Slowly he reached for her hand. He saw the ring he had given her on Valentine's Day still on her finger and smiled. "Just tell me what I need t do to prove to you that I love you."

Susan walked in to start her shift. She was about to put her things in the lounge when she heard screams coming from an exam room. she walked in to find Carter with red swollen eyes and Anna trying to hold him down. "Anna, what happened? You need any help?"

"I'm not sure Dr. Lewis." Anna said, "I was in another exam room when Carter started screaming. From what I gather he was maced." Anna said. "Come on Carter don't be a baby hold still it will feel better if you work with me to get the mace out of your eyes."

Carter felt Anna get him on the gurney, his eyes stung. Why now did a patient have to mace him? "I'm laying still' He said to her. This isn't the first time I been maced, I did it to myself once, but this time a patient it did it to me," He said. He then heard Susan's voice come in. "Hey Susan," He said to her. He even wondered if Abby had heard him scream.

Carol looked at Doug as he looked at the ring, 'I don't want to be afraid of you Doug, I want to be with you, But what I would like you to do is get some help, please for me and the girls, I want us to be a family again," She said to him. "I know the girls miss you, but when you hit me it hurt and I was afraid. Your the only man I ever Loved Doug Ross, and I love you so much," She said to him

Abby had worked quickly with the help of Vitamin H to get the patient restrained and sedated. She couldn't help but wonder how a patient got mace by the security guards, but then for the most part they were worthless. She headed out of the exam room leaving behind the sedated patient. She found Carter being attended to by both Susan and Anna. "Nice to see that our fine residents get the greatest of care. How are you eyes Carter? "Abby couldn't herself she wanted to try to make the situation a little lighter, "am I going on a blind date tonight?"

Carter had heard Abby, "Yea probably," He said joking back. "I just wonder how that patient got through with that stuff," He said to her as he felt them cleaning his eyes out

"You know it's that wonderful security system we have in place here. They look for guns, knives, but I guess they rank mace right in with their Jelly donuts." Abby said. "Don't worry Dr. Anna here will have you good as new shortly. It could have been worse; you could have a resident irrigating your eyes."

Susan tried not to laugh but it came out anyway. "Poor Carter" she said walking over and helping Anna. "what a way to start off my day. how much longer are you on my injury prone friend?"

Doug dropped his head. It was hard for him to hear this. "Don't ask me to do that Carol. I'll do anything but see a shrink." he tried to cover his face while he talked. he didn't want her to think there was anything wrong with him, she had worried enough. "It doesn't help anyway. I saw one a long time ago remember? all I did was talk about my patients." he stopped and tried to make her smile. clearly it wasn't a good time. "Look I'm working on my problems but its hard. I'm not like you. I don't have that many friends here...and this is something I cant talk to you about. why cant we just go back three days ago?" he said putting his head down on the counter, this was hard for him to explain and he was trying to not let Carol see he was crying.

Anna smiled at Susan's remark as she handed Carter a towel. She shook her head, "same old baby faced Carter. Here pat your eyes don't rub them. I'm off the clock for now. If you need anything else, page anyone but me. Because I am back bright and early in the morning."

Carter laughed at Abby, "Very funny," He said to her as he heard Susan. "It still kind of hurts, but doing better, he took the rag from Anna."Don't worry, oh and I'm off at eight the same time As Abby," He said to her

"I rather see you get help Doug, from a shrink," She said. "We all might not like shrinks, even I don't and I went and saw him and he helped me, and no we can't go back three days ago, what you did to me was unforgettable Doug Ross, you hit me, how does that feel to hear those words. From the wife that loves you, I do anything to make you see a shrink, cause I love you. But if you can't do that, I don't know what to do," She said. Her words were where her voice was trembling cause she crying as well. "I feel like you haven't been honest with me on what's going, and when you can you can come back to me," She said. She got up walked over to the ER, she spotted Anna. "What happened?" She asked her trying to hold the tears.

Doug sat there with his head down on the counter. He couldn't get up. He couldn't move. He was angry Carol couldn't understand. After a few minutes he wiped his eyes and brought his head up. Even though he hadn't done any of his paperwork he wasn't going to deal with it tonight. he pulled out his cell phone and entered Anna's number.

Susan laughed again as Carter sat up. his whole face was swollen. "Carter why don't you go home. I came in early to do some paperwork but I can see you're..." she laughed as she looked for the right work. "incapacitated."

"Good thing I took the El back here today I think I did, I don't remember," He said "Yea thanks Susan for covering for me then," He told her

Anna looked at Carol, "Carter had a run in with mace." She said fighting back the laughter that was about to erupt. She felt her cell phone vibrate. "Excuse me Carol," Anna walked a few feet away from where she had been standing as she answered her phone, "Hello."

Doug heard Anna's voice. "Hey..." he had to clear his throat. hey Anna. are you all set to go?"

"Yeah," Anna chuckled, "I think Carter's all patched up. Just let me get my things from my locker and I will meet you. Where are you at Doug?" Anna asked. She glanced over at Carol. She could tell that things hadn't gotten any better between the two of them.

"Wait Anna can we talk" Carol asked her. "And was that Doug on the phone. She had over heard the conversation.

"Yeah Carol, what do you want to talk about?" Anna asked. "I don't want to get in the middle of what ever is going on between you two."

'I don't want you to either, just tell Doug I love him, but I don't want him to hit me again," She said to her

"I'll tell him Carol." Anna said turning her attention back to the phone as she walked into the lounge. "Hey Doug sorry about that. Where are we meeting at? That beer and burgers sounds more tempting by the minute."

"Thank you Anna" Carol said and she went back to her shift


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Carter was getting ready to leave; his eyes were still swollen from what had happened. "has anyone seen Abby?" he asked the clerk. "Also I need to let Kerry know I'm going home since that mace accident," He said laughing at himself

Abby went zipping by the admit area. She needed to get a vitamin H shot to the patient hanging out, literally in three and then get some blood drawn on a very cranky old man sitting in exam 2.

"Whoa Abby slow down, are we still on for the night?" he asked her "And have you seen Dr. Weaver," He asked her as she was zipping by

Abby slowed and smiled at Carter, "yeah we're on for tonight still. Go home take care of your eyes I'm not off until 8. And I haven't seen Weaver in a long time."

All right," He said to her

Doug had heard Carol's voice in the background. "Where are you in the lounge? I'll come over and get you." he said trying to keep the emotion out if his voice. he walked across the street and saw Anna on her phone. "oh there you are." he said hanging up. he could tell something had happened. Anna looked at him differently. "what's up?"

Anna smiled at Doug; she wasn't going to let Carol's words get to her. After all what ever happened between her and Doug was just that. She just wanted to get out and have some fun. "Oh nothing other than Carter managed to get himself maced in face." With that she laughed knowing that Carter wasn't with in ear shot, "let's get out of here before I get sucked back thru the doors. Burger, beer and if I remember right you said I had to let you win at darts? What kind of deal is that?"

Doug smiled back. Maybe he was just being paranoid. "Yeah I need to have some fun too. I've had a crappy day" Doug glanced at the hospital. he couldn't believe he was back here. "Hey you don't have to let me win at darts. I'm telling you now I'm going to kill you." he snagged his hat down and pointed to his car. "I'll drive. I know this great place...as long as it's still here. A lot of things have changed." Doug began the walk to his car. "So I guess Carter is over being mad at us then?"

"Yeah you sure could say a lot of things have changed." Anna said still laughing, "we need some fun. I think me being there to wash out Carter's eyes made him not nearly so mad at us, or maybe it was that he actually got to talk to Abby. I wouldn't know for sure. He is still the same klutzy Carter that he will always be with that baby face. But he's a lot more jumpy than I remember him being. But then I guess I would be too if I had to go thru what he did. Are you sure you want to drive? It's not like a minivan or anything is it since you're now a married man?"

Doug sighed and rolled his eyes. "No. I drive a jeep Cherokee...I wouldn't be caught dead in a minivan." stopping to look around he pointed to it. "see that black one." walking over closer he opened the door. "and actually, Carol and I aren't married. I guess we were both just waiting for the right time and it never happened." he sat in the car and waited for Anna to get in. after a minute he started the car. "me in a minivan..."

Anna laughed as she climbed into Doug's jeep, "okay you got me there. I think I can handle riding in a set of wheels like this. And you are so right a minivan doesn't suit you. But then I don't see me driving something as manly as a jeep."

"Ha-ha! manly. I like that." Doug laughed with Anna. it felt good to laugh. slowly he drove through the snowy Chicago streets looking for a good spot to eat. "here we go" Doug said pulling up at a wooden bar off of Michigan avenue. a sign with Buzzy's was held up above the entrance. "I used to come here with Mark. you're going to love it. they've got beer, burgers, darts, pool...and music." he got out of the car and waited for Anna to do so. "I hope you like to dance"

"Dancing too, wow Doug." Anna said looking at the bar. "I'm up for a very good time. This is something that Max would never to. Let's go get a couple of cold beers and kick back just like old times."

Doug looked around the bar. it wasn't too crowded. "well how about you grab a seat and I'll get some drinks." he went up to the counter and ordered a few beers and some food. by the time he turned around he had two bottles in his hand and was walking over to sit next to Anna. he slouched down in his chair and smiled. "you know I still remember when we didn't get along!" he said taking a drink. "so tell me about the new Anna del Amico... does she like long walks on the beach...or something more fiery like kickboxing?" Doug asked joking. he was glad he could be himself around Anna.

"You're right we didn't get along. But maybe that was because you were a hot shot fellow and well you saw me as just an annoying little resident." She said taking a drink from the beer bottle. "A round of kickboxing followed by a walk on the beach, assuming that I haven't beaten up my partner. I liked Philly for awhile but," She paused, "never mind. Come on why don't you beat me on this dart board if you can Dr. Ross."

Carter had gone home, but was looking forward to his date with Abby, he decided to get some sleep, but he was also Kerry would call him back in, cause he never told her that he left for the day after that incident.

Abby watched the clock that seemed to tick by so slowly. She just wanted to get out of dodge. She was now sitting at the admit desk working on the nursing schedule. When she saw Carol, "hey Carol, can you take an extra shift on Thursday night?"

Doug nodded. he understood her not wanting to talk about her love life just like he didn't want to talk about his. "oh don't doubt my dart throwing ability. if you beat me in this I'll take it all in pool." he said standing up. Doug walked over and grabbed the darts out of the board. "you want to go first or just say I've already won?"

Anna snatched the darts from Doug's hand laughing, "like you could do either of those Doug." She stood behind the line and threw them effortlessly at the dart board hitting her target with ease. "Oh did I tell you that when I was in college on the weekends I played in tourneys."

Doug's mouth dropped as she hit the targets. He hated to loose. "ok" he said retrieving the darts. "its on...no mercy." biting his lip he tossed the darts. his shots were about the same as Anna's. switching positions he handed her the darts and her beer. "maybe if I get you drunk first I can win." he said laughing. "what so you're telling me you play pool too? you cant take both away from me."

Anna took a couple of swigs from her beer bottle. "It's been awhile since I've played pool." She said throwing the darts again. "You don't want to talk about Carol; I don't want to talk about Max. But tell me Doug have you been nursing that knee as long as I've been patching together my bad marriage?"

Doug lost his focus throwing and the smile faded off his face. Trying hard to keep his cool he locked his eyes on the dart board. "What do you mean Anna?"

Carol turned around when she saw Abby, it had been awhile, she had just returned. "Your the nurse manager?" She asked her. "What happened to med school? and of course I can take a the shift on Thursday night

"I don't mean anything by it Doug." Anna said softly, she could tell by Doug's reaction that she had hit a sore spot with him. "I was just curious about your knee that's all and how long its been bothering you."

"Yeah nurse manager that's me." Abby replied, thanks for taking the shift. Long story behind med-school and me for now it wasn't meant to be. Ahh 8 o'clock is finally here and now I can leave before some tragedy pulls me back into this never ending vortex."

"Uhh just for a few months." Doug replied. He threw the dart and missed the board completely. "Well, that's enough of that. Let's eat something." Doug walked back over to their table and sat back down. By now there were two hamburgers along with two more beers there too.

Anna sat down across from Doug, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable Doug." She said as she started to eat. She avoided eye contact with Doug and watch a small band start to set up in the corner of the bar.

Doug scratched at the small stitches in his hand. "nah you didn't. seems like everything is bothering me today." he took a bite of his food and noticed Anna looking behind him. turning around he smiled. "looks like we're going to have some music. you like to dance?" he was looking for anything to change the subject and he had found it. he didn't know if Carol would be upset with him for going out with Anna but he didn't care. she looked beautiful and he had a good time with her. as the band started to play Doug stood up and held out his hand. "will you dance with me?"

"Well its nice to be working with you as a nurse, and I understand the med. school bit. I tried it to," She said to her. Well have fun whatever your doing," She said to her

Anna looked at Doug, "I would love to dance with you." She said reaching for his hand. She was here to have a good time. She would deal with whatever Max came up with later. She was sure that he would have some excuse to be mad at her and throw a fit or two, but right now that really didn't matter.

Abby shut the schedule book and looked at Carol, "I plan on it, everyone is one their own cause I'm officially off and I'm not coming back." She said smiling as she headed towards the lounge to get her things.

Doug took Anna's hand and spun her out of her chair. He was glad he had actually learned how to dance. The band kicked off with 'Great Balls of Fire' just as they reached the floor. "Here we go." he said with a smile, giving her a spin and laughing.

Susan finished cleaning up in exam room one and finally made her way into the lounge to put up her things. "Hey Abby. You going home?"

"Not sure just what I am doing. I think that Carter and I are going out, not sure if it would still be considered a blind date or not." Abby let out a giggle. "I'm not sure if he was coming back here to get me or if I'm supposed to find him."

Anna giggled as she spun. Doug wasn't a bad dancer and she was having a great time. "Where did you learn to dance like this? You're great."

"oh well I'm sure you'll have a good time. if I see him I'll let him know you're in here." she said walking out. she hated night shifts. almost all her friends were gone. walking over to admit to get a chart she spotted Carol. "hey Carol. you doing ok?"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Doug laughed. "Yeah, well...I like this girl once who was a ballet dancer. I thought if I learned how to dance I would impress her. the only problem was I couldn't dance ballet to save my life. I ended up switching classes to ballroom and swing." he twirled her again and brought her into a dip as the song ended. Doug clapped and looked back at Anna. "but don't tell anyone." he said with a wink. with in seconds the band had moved into 'I will always love you'. Doug straightened up; pretending to look sophisticated and bowed in front of Anna. "Mrs. Del Amico, would you honor me?"

Anna did her best to mock a curtsy as she extended her hand to Doug smiling, "Oh Dr. Ross it is I who would be honored. And your secrets are safe with me."

Doug gave her a twirl and put her arms around his neck as they danced. "did you really think I was a hot shot back then? I know the reason I didn't like you at first is because you showed me up." he whispered into her ear. "you know...you're a good dancer too. its nice to be with someone who doesn't step on my toes."

"Thank you Doug," Anna said almost blushing, "yes I did think you were a hot shot back then. You carried yourself in the ER with this flare about you like you were an ER cowboy. But then you appeared almost shocked when you found out that I already was a pediatrician and that I was double boarding in emergency medicine."

"cowboy huh? well I am from Kentucky. you know I was shocked because you were a hot shot too. there you go! we're a match made in heaven." Doug laughed at his own joke. it only occurred to him after he said it that they were both flirting with each other. because he didn't know if Anna noticed he just kept his cool and made another joke. "I mean, how often do you find two Peds docs that can both dance and play darts. next you'll be telling me you can play basketball, and then it will be scary."

"That's debatable." Anna said Here she was dancing, flirting and having a good time. She could still feel the heat in her cheeks. "I think I could do with another drink Doug. Does this place have anything stronger than a beer?" She wanted to forget about Max for a little longer but being so close to Doug was getting a little too hot.

Doug stepped back from her and ran his fingers through his hair. "Uhh yeah. what do you want? drinks are still on me. go grab a seat or something." Doug didn't mind. the song was over and he was getting tired anyways. a stronger drink sounded pretty good to him, anything to make him forget about his day.

Anna shook her head and smiled, "how about tequila shooters cowboy?"

Doug nodded. a few minutes later he was on his way back to the table with six glasses. he slide three over to Anna and sat down. after slamming one back and stuck his feet up on an empty chair. "so where are you staying now? some fancy apartment on Michigan Ave. with Max? It can't be worse than Carol's old house by the El."

Anna slammed a shot. "Fancy apartment on Michigan Ave ha-ha." She laughed. "No, it might not be as bad as Carol's old apartment next to the EL, but it's far from Michigan Avenue." She slammed back another, "Max makes sure that we as a couple will never be living any kind of high or rich life."

Doug noticed Anna drinking pretty fast. Clearly Max had made her more upset than she had let on. He took another shot and smiled at her. "You two will be ok. and if not I'll take care of it. I think I might have some Italian in me. those mafia connections go back far." he said as he winked at her. he slid his last shot over to her. "you want anymore or do you want to see how coordinated you are at pool?" Doug could feel he was getting a little buzzed, and he knew that she had to be too. He was trying to give her options to make sure she didn't feel like she was getting herself into a bad position.

She took the shot from Doug and slammed it. "Mafia sounds nice Doug. And the only reason I'm still with Max is because I didn't listen to Carter when he tried to warn me. Let's go shoot some pool. I don't think my coordination is all that bad yet."

Abby pulled her belongings from inside the locker and glanced down at her cell phone. She hadn't heard from Carter yet, she instinctively dialed his number and tapped her foot on the floor waiting for him to answer. She really wanted to get out of County but didn't want to leave not knowing where Carter was.

"All right" Carol said to her, Carol turned around and saw Susan. "Hey Susan," She said to her

Doug stood up with Anna. "You know you shouldn't have to be unhappy Anna. There are plenty of guys that would treat you better." he walked over and grabbed a stick. "Ok now the trick to winning in pool is all about the first break.' Doug stuck out the stick. "you want to try or do you want me to show you?"

"When do you get off Carol? you were here when I was." Susan gave her a big smile and walked around the counter. "besides, I'm sure you have more important things to do then be here."

"It's easier to say you're going to walk away than actually walk away. I have had plenty of chances to walk away from him but find myself always being drug back in." Anna said to him, "you go ahead and break you are the pool master. I wanted to come back to Chicago to be near people I know, people I could trust."

Carter heard his cell, the traffic was awful. "Hello," He said answering the phone as he waited for the other person on the other line

"Hey Carter," Abby said walking out of the lounge toward the bay doors. "I'm off and walking out of the ER, where are you at?"

"People you trust huh? that include me?" Doug walked over and started to chalk up the stick. "I know all about walking away. That's my special gift, not being able to commit to anyone... but trust me, you deserve to be happy." after a second he realized he had REALLY used a lot of chalk and he searched to change the subject back to something else. "Come here, I'll give you a good breaking technique." he handed Anna the stick and stepped behind her placing his hands over hers.

"Okay, good breaking technique." Anna said. She noticed that her hands were shaking. She tried to shake it off as nothing more than not wanting to be shown up by Doug on the pool table. But the shooters were starting to catch up with her. "Let's do this."

Doug turned his head to look at Anna; she did look a little loopy. he put his hand on top of hers to get it to stop shaking. after it didn't he turned his head to the side to look at her? "you know what? why don't I take you home? I don't think my ego could take another beating." it almost felt strange to him being so close to another woman. he hadn't even gone out for a drink with anyone but Carol in the last four years, but it was different with Anna. he knew she liked him, even if it was only as a friend. but there was something in the back of his mind that asked him why he had never asked her out six years ago.

"I'm backed up in traffic," He said to her.

"Why don't you just drop me off back at County, I'll sober up at Doc Magoo's with coffee before heading home." She said to Doug, thinking to herself that she probably wouldn't go home.

"Do you want me to meet you someplace or wait here for you?" Abby asked.

Doug stood up straight. "I mean, we don't have to go. I-I just thought you wanted to." Doug heard his own words and the tone of his voice and decided he needed to clarify. The last thing he wanted was for Anna to get the wrong idea. "I mean, I don't really have anywhere else to go." With that he screwed on a fake smile and tossed Anna the pool stick. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go splash some water on my face real quick."

When Doug got back to the table, Anna reached out and grabbed his arm, "it's not that Doug, I just don't want to go home. I didn't want you to think that you have to baby-sit a drunk. Max thinks I'm at County tonight and I can't go home smelling like I fell into a tequila vat."

Doug nodded. "Well by the time we both sober up we will have to go to work. I'm on at six I think." Doug looked at his watch, it was well past twelve. He knew he couldn't stay at the bar forever, and he was getting pretty tired, he just didn't want to be alone. "Well, actually I am staying at carter's...really big house. he has like 50 extra rooms. you could catch some sleep there and then I could drive you to work tomorrow. I know he wouldn't mind, he probably wouldn't notice."

Anna struggled to remain upright now as the alcohol in the shooters hit her. "Yeah, I think that might not be a bad idea."

Doug smiled as he grabbed her arm to keep her steady. "look. Uhh come on I'll let you get your jacket." he walked with Anna over to their table and draped her coat over her. after setting some money down on the table he put his arm around Anna to keep her steady while they walked to his car. "I didn't know you couldn't hold your liquor." he said with a laugh. Doug opened the door and dropped his head as he saw the falling rain. "Ohhh man. alright, watch your step."

Anna let Doug help her. But she couldn't help giggling. She felt like she was on top of the world right now. Slowly fighting to keep her words from turning into one giant garbled mess. "Thank you Doug. I've had the best time that I have had in a long time."

Doug helped her into the car. he heard Anna's slightly slurred words and couldn't help but laugh. "I bet so huh?" quickly he ran to the other side of the car and jumped in. after a few minutes on the road he decided to spark up some conversation. "I'm glad I still have the ability to make woman want to get drunk when they're with me. maybe it's a personality trait." he saw Anna out of the corner of his eye. he was glad she didn't know about Carol, he didn't want her to think different of him. "you know Anna, I'm trying to remember but it seems you were the only ER doc...aside from weaver that I never went out with. you know you screwed up my track record."

Anna rolled her eyes at him, "you never did ask me out. But then you can just think that you were respecting Carter's territory. I walked away from a good thing when I left him. He warned me about Max and I didn't listen. Now here I have been miserable for the last four years, watching him move from hospital to hospital, rehab to rehab. Working double shifts to avoid being near him." It felt good to let it all come rolling out.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Doug listened to her talk. He could tell Max really was upsetting her. "Anna I don't get it. You're bright, and I know I don't know Max but he sounds like he's holding you back. If you really love him you need to tell him how you feel, and if you don't then you need to move on." Doug knew his own advice could easily be applied to himself as well. "Nobody needs to feel like what you're describing."

Anna started to say something and then stopped, "I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you." She laid her head on the window.

Doug looked over at her. "What are friends for right? Trust me; I'll let you know if I get tired of hearing you talk." Shortly after Doug said that he pulled into the driveway of Carter's mansion. "Here we go, Casa de Carter." Doug parked the car and helped Anna out. Once they walked into the house he took off her coat. "Why don't you go take a shower and...pick a room. I'm going to hang out down here for awhile." He didn't mind hearing about Anna's problems. He would rather discuss hers than his, but he could tell it was making her upset. He wished he could vent what was going on with him, but he didn't feel Anna needed anything else to deal with tonight.

Anna tipped her head to one side. "How about some coffee first. You look like you don't want to be alone, and I don't want to crack my head open when I fall in the shower. God Carter might not forgive me if I got blood all over."

Doug rubbed his face and looked back up at her. "Yeah, sure. Come help me find the kitchen." Doug held out his hand for her. Being with Anna all this time made him realize how much he missed Carol. "You know Anna; you're a real good friend."

She looked at Doug and laughed, "well I don't know about that. I've been dumping on you, but you haven't said a word about anything. I know that what is happening between you and Carol is none of my business, and I don't blame you if you don't want to talk about it. You're the only one who knows my problems, hell I didn't even tell Carter I was married. But I would be willing to help Doug, even if I just was someone for you to talk to. I hate shrinks, friends can be just as effective, especially when that friends a doc."

Doug dropped his head to cover his tearing eyes and smile. "You should tell that to Carol then. It would save me some serious money since that's what she wants me to do...see a shrink that is. She thinks I have some incurable problem that only hypnosis can solve or something." Doug decided to forgo finding the kitchen and found the living room instead. he sat on the couch and rolled his neck. "and don't think you're bothering me with your problems. I'll always be here to listen to you."

Anna sat down on the couch next to Doug, curling her legs up under her. "What do you think? I don't know what is going on between you two, but I can tell that it is eating you both up. You are one of the most compassionate caring people I know Doug but the pain from it being me sitting here next to you and not Carol is as clear as the nose on my face." She reached into her coat pocket, "I've been caring these around since I moved back to Chicago, the only reason they aren't signed is because I've been to scared to. You need to listen to your heart Doug and do what it tells you too with Carol. She'd be nuts to let a man like you get away."

Doug bit his lip. it had been a long time since he had gotten a compliment like that from anyone. he looked up at the ceiling to keep his emotions down. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I do love Carol. and she makes me so happy but lately things have just been..." he couldn't find the right word to end his sentence. ," She had wanted to come back here for a long time, and I had always been able to convince her not to. but after I got laid off in Seattle there weren't anymore reasons I could come up with. when we finally got here she was so happy and I wasn't...there's a lot of bad memories here. Kerry... Romano..." Doug paused before saying the next name. "and Mark." Doug had to stop when he said his best friend's name. "I'm sorry I'm not making any since am I?"

"No Doug you are making sense." She said to him as she patted his leg. "Chicago isn't a place that makes you happy. Losing Mark was hard on everyone he was a great doctor, friend, and teacher. You can't make yourself happy in a place that holds nothing but sad memories for you. I don't understand why Carol would want you to see a shrink over that. Moving from one place to another is stressful and it just takes time to adjust. It sounds like she's not be understanding to your needs."

Doug looked at his feet. Anna didn't understand because she didn't know the whole story. "well it's not that simple." he didn't know how to start but he hoped Anna would understand. "A month before we moved I started drinking a lot more. I guess you could say that's when our relationship started to go downhill. I didn't feel like I could talk to Carol about it because she seemed so happy. things went like that for awhile. then the day after we got here I guess I just lost it with her. I said something about getting my job back and I guess I felt she wasn't supportive and I yelled at her. then every time we talked after that it ended in a fight. I think what scared her is that last time we talked. we were yelling at each other and I grabbed her wrist pretty hard. when I realized that I scared her it killed me inside." Doug took a deep breath. it was nice to talk to someone who just listened. "its just hard because she has so many friends...and I don't really have any. I just think I screwed it up too many times with her to fix it. she really wont budge on the shrink thing...and I cant do that again."

"She told me you hit her Doug and I found that pretty hard to believe. I have seen you kick some grown men's butts but I found it hard to believe that you would hit a woman." She said looking at him. "You're drinking is the drinking and there's worse things that you could be doing. If you can't see a shrink then you can't. You'll always have me as a friend." She said to him. Anna stretched out on the couch with her head now in Doug's lap. "You have to do what's right for you. You can't go thru life bending to please everyone around you, even those who we love." That was the one piece of advice that she hadn't managed to take herself.

Doug ran his hands through her hair. "I wouldn't hit her...you have to know that. Just like I'd never hit you." Doug was glad Anna wasn't judging him. She was actually listening and trying to help him solve his problem. "and I guess you're right. I don't know how she'll take it though if I tell her full out I wont see anyone. I mean there just aren't too many other people who I think I could love and who could love me." he slouched down into the couch to get more comfortable. "relationships are hard you know? especially ones that have lasted as long as ours has."

"I know that relationships are hard." Anna said, "sometimes ending them is even harder. I've been with Max now for over 6 years longer if you count all the off again on again and I can't find the strength to leave. I would love for Max to be strong enough to be able to walk away from the precocity for good, but after four years of hearing it, it's not going to happen. Carol is strong a woman. But she needs to let you do what is right for you not what she thinks is right for you. And you have to do what is right for you." Anna looked up at Doug. "Just like I know that I have to sign those papers. Life will go on and I guess Mr. Right is out there somewhere. I just hope that I can find him. You don't happen to have a twin brother running around somewhere do you?"

Doug smiled. "Ahh Anna, you could do a lot better than someone like me. I'm surprised you spent the whole night with me to begin with." Doug was going to bring up his occasional overuse problem with his knee medication but after hearing about Max, decided better of it. "I know you'll be ok. you're a great woman."

"I'm comfortable with you Doug." She said. "I guess I just have this natural attraction to the bad boys. That's all there is to it. You're easy to open up to, you seem to have all the right words, you listen, and hey you haven't let me fall flat on my face yet."

"Well I do my best" he said rubbing his eyes. "I owe you for tonight. I don't know what I would have done if I had been alone." Doug glanced at his watch and sighed. "we're both going to be dead tomorrow. too bad we both couldn't call in sick." Doug lifted her head up as he stood. "come on I'll tuck you in." with that he exaggerated a grunt as he picked Anna up and threw her over his shoulder. "Ahh!" he yelled joking as he ran for the stairs with her. he held her tight making sure she wouldn't fall and bounded up the steps. "at least I'll get a workout tonight carrying you. just try not to throw up on me!"

Anna broke into hysterical laughter. "Doug don't! No! You're going to kill yourself!" She screamed as she felt them bounding up the stairs. "Doug Ross you put me down!"

Doug practically fell into the first room he could find. He set Anna on the bed and fell beside her laughing. after he got himself under control he rolled over to catch his breath. "man! I always prided myself in being strong but that was hard." he laughed again and sat up. "Ahh... well I hope this room works for you cause I don't think I can bring myself to take you anywhere else." Doug stood up and smiled at Anna. "I'm in the room across the hall if you need anything ok?"

"Do you have an extra shirt that I could sleep in Doug?" She asked him. "This room is fine. I wouldn't want you to even think about carrying me anyplace else."

"Ahh actually I do have a shirt for you. there are toothbrushes and stuff in your bathroom I believe. I'll be right back." Doug closed Anna's door and walked into his room. he got undressed and put on his flannel pants. he searched for an extra shirt but couldn't find one. instead he grabbed the night shirt he wore the previous night. quietly he walked from his room into the hallway. without a shirt on the cool house air made him shiver. he gently knocked on Anna's door and slowly opened it. "got you a shirt."

"Hey thanks Doug." Anna said to him. She couldn't help but glance at him with out his shirt on and she could feel the blood under her checks making her blush. Carol was a lucky woman he was a fine looking man. A dang fine looking man.

"No problem, as long as you don't mind a faint Doug smell." he joked tossing her the shirt. "you find everything?" Doug walked a little further into her room. "Are you feeling ok? You look a little red."

Anna looked at Doug, then the shirt, then the floor, then Doug again, "Umm, uh, uh," she stuttered. God she felt like a teenager with a crush on a high school boy.

Doug walked closer to her and put his hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever. "I'll feel bad if I got you sick." he tilted his head to the side to look her in the eye and gave her a big grin. "Why don't I get you something to drink?"

Anna just nodded she was almost afraid to open her mouth. She couldn't take her eyes off him. She sat down on the edge of the bed afraid that her legs weren't going to hold her up, because her knees were shaking so bad. "Carol is one lucky lady." She meant to say under her breath but it came out a little louder than she had intended.

Doug had turned around when he heard Anna say something. "What?" he asked spinning back to face her.

Anna now wanted to melt into the bed. She couldn't believe that she had said that out loud. "Carol is lucky." She managed to mutter. "You," Anna shook her head back and forth, "are well umm," Anna swallowed hard as she blushed, "are really good looking."

Doug tried to cover his blush. "Ok, now I know you have a fever...you're hallucinating! I'll be back with some tea stat!" he joked. Doug went to leave and left the door cracked before he left he stopped again. "why don't you change, I'll be back in a second." with that he headed back downstairs. he smiled all the way and while he was getting her a glass of water. he hoped the reaction he was getting wasn't because of the fact that she had been drinking. after he filled a glass with water and grabbed a few aspirin he headed back upstairs. he tapped twice on her door and waited for a response.

Anna slipped out of her clothes and into Doug's shirt. It felt like it was a hundred degrees in the room right now even with just Doug's shirt on. Her heart was pounding inside of her chest. Dear lord please don't let him think I'm an idiot, or a drunk idiot. She heard a knock on the door. "Come in." She called out.

Doug heard her voice and opened the door. Even in his tee shirt she looked beautiful. he walked over and sat down next to her on the bed. after handing her the glass of water he felt her forehead again. "you still feel kind of warm so a brought you some aspirin." he handed them to her. he couldn't help but smile seeing her in his shirt. "ok, let me tuck you in."

"Doug," Anna said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, "please tell me that you don't think that I am a drunken babbling idiot." She had sobered up enough while they were laying on the couch talking that it wasn't the alcohol that had been flowing thru her that had now made her blood boil. She knew that he was with Carol and that she was married but even knowing that didn't change what she was feeling inside right now. It had been months since she had felt so alive.

Doug gave a wink as he pulled back the sheets for her to crawl into. "No, I don't think you're a drunk babbling idiot." there he was, back in a bad position again. he had debated what he was going to do when he was downstairs. He really did like Anna, the last thing he wanted was to push he to do something, or make a mistake and ruin his relationship with her and Carol. he pulled the sheets over her and set the glass aside. "I think you're...beautiful." with that he leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight Anna." he kept his face close to hers, waiting to see what she would do.

"Please don't go," she said softly as she brought her lips up to his, "I want you to stay."

Doug felt a zing go down his spin as Anna kissed him. he closed his eyes tightly; he didn't know what to do. he really liked Anna, and could see himself being with her, but he had Carol. "I want to stay too." he had to take a deep breath before finishing. "but Max would kick my ass."

"Can we please forget Max," Anna said as she pressed her lips against Doug's again. "I'm not going to let Max push another person out of my life."

Doug's head spun. he didn't know what to do. he knew this would end all hope of getting back together with Carol if she found out, but he felt good with Anna. he had to sit down. he sat on the bed and put his head down. "I don't know Anna." he sighed, he couldn't believe this was happening now. "I really like you...really. but I got to...I don't know what to do." he held his head in his hands. he knew the right thing to do was to leave, but everything in him was forcing him to stay.

Anna got down on her knees in front of Doug; she put her hand under his chin and looked him in the eyes. "Doug, I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. I don't want you to wake up in the morning and hate me." She said to him, "I'd rather have you as friend than have you hating me. But I'm not going to lie to you either, I find you attractive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. What do you want? Tell me what you want Doug."

Doug locked eyes with Anna. "I want to be with you...but I have to know what's going on with Carol first. I hate how this is, and please don't feel bad. If I wasn't with Carol," Doug stopped and touched her face. "Then I'd be with you. I just can't until I know."

Anna nodded, "I don't feel bad, I understand." She said to him, "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep please. I don't want to be alone. I'm not asking you to do anything Doug." Anna didn't take her eyes off Doug. She could see the torment in his eyes and she could feel his pain. She wanted to take that pain away but she knew she couldn't.

To that Doug agreed. "Yeah I will." with that he took Anna's hand and pulled her up with him. he slid under the covers and held them up until she did the same. with one arm above his head he wrapped the other around her waist and pulled her back to his chest. "Goodnight" he whispered and kissed the back of her head. It felt good to have someone next to him. within seconds of closing his eyes he was asleep.

Anna snuggled in next to Doug. She closed her eyes feeling the closeness and the warmth. There was no yelling, no fighting. For the first time in nearly 6 years she felt at peace. Whatever came out of this she knew that she had a friend that she could count on? She also knew what she needed to do in the morning. Doug had said that he was on a six that would give her time to find a way to get the papers ready to send to Max and put her marriage out of its misery.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Doug woke up slowly. He brought his arm from over his head to look at his watch. it was only just four. Carefully he moved his other arm from around Anna and stood up. he couldn't believe how tired he was. he wanted to get to work early to catch Carol so he wouldn't have to worry about it all day. he had no regrets about last night; it felt good to be happy for awhile. after getting dressed quickly he taped his car keys on Anna's door for her to use to get to work and went downstairs and outside. after a long walk to the hospital Doug bravely walked in to look for Carol. "here we go" he said to himself.

Anna rolled over feeling that the warmth that had been there was no longer there. She sat up and then laid back down. God that wasn't a good. She was suffering for a hangover from the night before. She got up out of the bed and headed to take a shower. She got dressed and found keys taped to the door. She glanced down at her watch and headed for the door. She'd get this over and done with and be at County in time for work. Anna negotiated Doug jeep over to County. She parked it and walked over to her car. She didn't want to show up at Northwestern with someone else's car and have Max going psycho on it. As she headed towards Northwestern she was pulling out when the light turned green when someone ran the red plowing into her car.

Doug walked up to admit and looked for someone...anyone. it was still not very busy. he found carol's pager number and stat paged her down to the ER. after he did he took a seat by the phone and half closed his eyes. all he wanted was to talk to Carol and for work to speed up to keep his mind from racing like it was now.

Kerry was coming into the ER just as the ambulance pulled up. She listened to the paramedics as they rambled off the report to her, she noticed Doug sitting at the admit desk. "Doug, I need a set of hands, trauma just rolled in." Kerry said as they headed into one.

"umm oh yeah" Doug woke from his half sleep and stood by the doorway waiting to grab the gurney as it came in. he listened to the bullet too but didn't look at the patient until they hit trauma room one. his eyes glanced down quickly and then locked as he saw Anna's face. "Oh God!" he yelled..."Kerry...it's Anna."

Kerry looked down, "on my count let's move her. One, two, three." Kerry said as she pulled to slide Anna onto the trauma gurney. "Get me a CBC, chem. 7 and a c-spine."

Doug felt sick. this was his fault...if he had waited for her to get up he would have driven and she wouldn't have gotten into an accident. "oh god..." he said again. he couldn't believe this had happened.

Anna lifted her hand up off the gurney; she had Doug's keys in them. She pulled the oxygen away from her face and tried to smile, "my cars totaled."

Anna talking snapped Doug out of his shock. He bent down closer to her while Kerry examined the rest of her. "Well at least it's not mine right?" he tried to smile. "You're going to be alright. I'm going to take care of you."

"Doug clear her neck and take her up to CT." Kerry said to him, "If you need me I'll be around."

Doug nodded at Kerry. "Ok Anna tell me if any of this hurts." he said as he slipped his hand under her neck stabilizer and pressed on the bones in her neck. "if you're good I'll take this brace off and chauffeur you up to the CT sweet." he could tell she was looking better already, and that made him feel less guilty.

Doug took her hand away from her IV's "Hey come on. Let me check you out ok? I already feel bad enough that you got in an accident with out me there." He could see the pout she gave him. "Ok...if your CT is clear I'll discharge you. Good enough?"

"It wasn't your fault that I got into an accident Doug." She said to him. "I dropped your car off and took mine to go over to Northwestern. Then next thing I know I'm looking up at you from this gurney. So if you'd just give me a couple of aspirin for my headache, I'll be on my way." She reached for the IV's again. She was getting agitated and her head hurt worse than when she woke up.

"I'm almost there" Carter told her, "Sorry that traffic took so long," He said to her

"It's okay Carter." Abby said to him. "I'll just wait for you."

Doug grabbed both her hands this time and pushed them against the gurney. "Hey." as he leaned over her the situation seemed all to similar to the previous night. "look, it would make me feel better to check you out. I need you to be ok. you already almost gave me a heart attack. the least you can do is get a CT. it'll only take fifteen minutes...and it would make me feel better." he winked at her and gently let her hands up.

Anna wasn't going to stick around. She didn't want to be there, her head was pounding she didn't feel right. She couldn't remember how she got there, or where she was anymore. "No, I have to go, I don't belong here." She started to thrash about; the room was starting to spin. "let me go."

"Anna" Doug was trying hard to get her to calm down. the last thing he wanted was to put her in restraints. He leaned over her and cradled her face with his hand. "Shh." he talked calmly and quietly. "Shh. ok, ok. just calm down. you're going to be alright. I won't leave you."

Carol heard her pager going off, "Someone page me," She asked no one in particular as she came down into the ER after taking a patient upstairs

She let go her head had gotten cloudy. "where am I, what happened, why are you keeping me here?" Nothing was making sense anymore to her.

Kerry was standing at the Admit desk, "Doug did Carol, I think he wants you to help him take Anna up to CT."

Doug stood up and took a deep breath in. "Anna, it's Doug. You were in a car accident and you're at county. You're going to be ok." Doug took a few steps out of the room to look for some help. he saw Carol standing at admit. "Hey Carol! Come here please!"

Carter took some time to get there, he finally arrived, "Hey," He said to her as he hopped out of the jeep, "Sorry I'm late," He told her

Carol took a big sigh. "Ok," She said to Kerry and then walked over to Doug. "Oh my god, what happened to Anna?" She asked him as she went to help

"They took Anna inside earlier." Abby said to Carter. "It looks like she was in an accident."

Anna watched Doug at the door. With him away from her she pulled at the tubes that we in her. And then struggled to get up off the bed. She was getting out of here.

Doug turned around to see Anna getting up. "Carol I need you Now!" he walked quickly over to Anna. "Look, you need to sit down. you could be seriously hurt." his tone was no longer quiet or soft. "If you don't we'll have to put you in restraints."

She glared at him her eyes glazed over, "you can't make me stay if I don't want to. I'm out of here."

Doug stood firmly in front of her "no you're not"

She saw someone standing on the other side of the door. "He'll let me out."

"What oh my god, how bad is it?" he asked her asked worried about Anna, Anna had been a good friend for a long time. "he said to Abby

"They took her into a trauma room, but I don't know anything more than that." She said, "why don't we go and check on her."

Carol went and help, Doug. "How bad is it" she said getting restraints just in case

Doug heard Carol and looked over his shoulder at her, he was glad he had help. Looking back at Anna he tried to reason with her again. "See Anna, Carol and I are here to help you. Why don't you just sit back down?" He turned his head around and mouthed the word 'Haldol' to her.

"Ok" he said to her. "Is it ok with you we do that before we leave" he said to Abby

Carol went to get the Haldol for them. She couldn't believe this was Anna

Anna started to panic. "No, NO!" She backed up against the gurney to steady herself as her eyes darted around the room. The room was starting to go black as she tried to swing at Doug.

Doug went to grab for Anna so she wouldn't fall. instead Anna's fist connected underneath his jaw. The impact caused him to slip on the slick tile floor. his head hit the gurney knocking him out before he hit the floor.

Carol walked over to Anna. "Anna its me and Doug, were not going to hurt you" she said to her

Kerry heard the commotion coming from trauma one and headed inside. "What the hell." she said as she saw Doug laying on the floor. She saw Abby and Carter, "Carter we need another set of hands in here!"

Anna shrugged Carol off and headed for the door, her head was pounding and it was getting harder and harder to see, she needed out.

Abby ran inside next to Doug. He had a nice bruise forming under his chin. She could also see where he had cracked his head on the gurney. There was a nice goose egg forming. "Carter get Anna." She touched Doug's shoulder, "Doug, Doug can you hear me?"

Doug could barely hear Abby's voice as he came to. slowly he opened his eyes. "Ahh my head." he said trying to sit up. he looked around and didn't seen Anna. "where is everyone? is Anna ok?"

"She wandered out, I sent Carter after her. I think Kerry and Carol are helping him." She said, "that's a nasty bump you got there."

Doug moved to get up. "Yeah I think I'm ok though. I don't know what happened. I was talking to her...she was fine and then she just lost it." Doug finally stood up but lost his balance and sat down on the gurney. "I think I'll be ok. You should go check on her." Seeing Anna like that really bothered Doug, especially after how close they had gotten last night.

"She must have hit her head pretty hard in the accident. From what you are telling me she has gotten pretty combative, isn't that one of those classic signs of head trauma?" Abby said to Doug, "I think that I should stay with you and make sure that she didn't crack you head."

"Great, now I'm being taught by a nurse." Doug said shortly. after he said it he felt bad. "Sorry" Doug gave her a weak grin. "Thanks Abby." He touched the side of his head. It wasn't really bleeding but it hurt pretty bad. After a second he tried to stand up again. This time he had more luck. "I don't think I'm that bad off. Just had a crappy start to what promises to be an awful day."

"It will get better," Abby said, "why don't you go into the lounge and get some coffee and I will go and chase down Anna." Abby handed him and ice pack, "keep that on it, it's not ever day that you get the opportunity to get clobbered by a crazed coworker."

Doug took the ice pack but shot Abby a look. He didn't think her joke was funny. "Hey, if you see Carol tell her I need to talk to her. and page me please when you get Anna back."

"Okay, okay I will." She said as she headed out of the room.

Doug headed for the lounge; he was in an awful mood. once he found it he almost collapsed on the couch. All he wanted to do was talk to Carol. He wanted to feel the same thing with Carol that he felt the last night with Anna.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

Carter rushed into the room, "what happened" he asked Kerry. "Someone get me a gurney." Carol went and put the Haldol in Anna

Anna got sleepy and crashed back onto the gurney. Abby looked over at Carol, "I sent Doug into the lounge and he asked me to tell you that he really wants to talk to you. Come on Carter let's get her up to CT before she gets lose again. Oh and Carol could you tell Doug that we have Anna." She reached over and punched in Doug's pager number on the phone and then dialed CT to let them know that they were on there way up.

Doug felt his pager vibrate. He grabbed it and saw that they were taking Anna up. "He let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes.

Carol and Carter looked at Abby as they were exhausted from chasing Anna. . "Of course I go tell Doug right now' She left John to pick up Anna, and up to ct.

Carol walked into the lounge, "Hey I heard you hit your head, are you ok?" She said. Deep down she did miss Doug, and she wanted to be back with him.

"I'll take her up to CT and then you and I can go." Abby said as she pushed Anna towards the elevators. "She's out from the Haldol so I don't think she'll be giving me any trouble."

"Sounds like an idea to me" John said to her. Glad that he and Abby could have a date soon.

Abby took an extremely sedated Anna up to CT. She sat there with her and then handed her over to the surgeons when they were done with the scan. She headed back down to the ER. She looked around to find Carter; she decided that she would find him and then tell Doug that Anna was in surgery.

Carter saw Abby come down and he smiled at her. "How is she?" he asked her. "And then we can go right?"

"She's in surgery right now." Abby said. "She had a severe head injury and they are taking good care of her. Let me just tell Doug and then we can go. He seemed really worried about her."

Carter nodded understandingly. "Yes lets tell Doug, and maybe have him keep us informed." He told her

Abby looked at him. "I'll got and tell him you get the jeep." she said, "he and Carol are in the lounge it will just take me a couple of minutes. Abby headed towards the lounge and pushed the door open slightly, "Doug?"

Doug opened his eyes when he heard Abby. Had fallen asleep and not heard Carol. When he sat up he was surprised to see both Abby and Carol in the room. "Ahh yeah what Abby." he asked trying to wake up. "Hey Carol."

"All right" John said to her. He went outside and went to get the jeep. He would wait for her.

Carol was still waiting for Doug to respond to her when she saw Abby enter. "Take it easy Doug" Carol said sitting down next to him.

Doug sat the rest of the way up. "Thanks for helping out with Anna. Is she ok?" Doug knew he couldn't hide the fact that he was worried about her so he decided to just come out and say it.

Abby put her head into the lounge, "she's upstairs in surgery right now. She had a severe head trauma and they went in to relieve the pressure." Abby said to him, "if you here anything would you page me. Carter and I are on our way out, see you later." She zipped out and went to find Carter.

Doug's mouth dropped when he heard Anna was in surgery. "I should have gotten her up to CT faster." he said to carol as he put his head down and took a deep breath trying to let it go. He tilted his head and looked at Carol. The expression on her face made his heart ache. "I'm glad you're here."

"You did what you could." Carol said to him, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

Doug sat up straight and turned to face her. He knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. "I wanted to talk about us...if you had a second."

Carol shifted her weight; Doug wanted to talk about them. That had to be a good sign, "what about us Doug?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm tired of being sad Carol. You...don't know how hard it was for me to move back here. I know it's my fault for not telling you...and I love you with all my heart. But I'm afraid I'm never going to be the person you want me to be. I'm sorry I scared you, and I'm sorry I hurt you, but you have a decision to make." he took a breath before finishing. he had gone over the speech a million times in his head, and this was always the hardest part to say. "You can forgive me, and accept the fact that I will never see a phyciatrist but love me anyway. or...or you need to tell me to go get my stuff. I know this is bad both ways, but I need to know if we can move on from this...and I need to know now." He wasn't even going to bring up what had happened between him and Anna last night. after he got an initial reaction from Carol he would know what to do next.

"You know that I love you Doug, god help me I love you with all my heart and I miss you." Carol said looking him straight in the eye, "tell me why you aren't willing to get some help, why is that too much to ask of you? You started drinking more and more before we left Seattle, and now here you are telling me that I either forget that you have problems that you won't talk to anyone about or tell you to go. What if I don't have an answer for you now?"

Doug bit his lip and thought about her response. "Then I don't know what to say. Why can't it be enough when I tell you I can't do something? I don't understand why you just can't trust the fact that if something was truly wrong with me I would know to get help."

"What am I supposed to do, sit here and watch and wait while you self destruct Doug." She said getting upset with him, "like we watched Carter. Yeah I know drugs and drinking are two different things but how do I know that you are not going to fly off the handle again. My god Doug we can't even have a conversation with out arguing anymore." Carol fought back the tears. "What is it going to take Doug, you laying in a hospital be somewhere before you admit that you're in over your head. Don't ask me to stand by and do nothing."

Doug shook his head. he should have known their conversation would turn out this way. "thanks for your faith...and your trust." Doug stood up and started pacing. Although he had a lot going on he wanted to get some answers out of Carol right then. "well what the hell Carol? I'm not some broken person you have to fix! You cant blame all this on me." Doug was running out of patients. "I can only say I'm sorry so many times!"

"Oh no, don't you dare turn this into something that is my fault Douglas Ross." Carol said. "How many times have a forgiven you Doug, how many times have I had to tell myself that you weren't going to hurt me again. That the past is the past that in my heart I knew you could change." Carol tried to keep her voice down, "how much of this has to do with Anna? Did you sleep with her last night? Back in Chicago up to your old antics. You're not happy cause bad things happened here, Doug you were the one who brought it down on yourself, but you blame Kerry. You almost cost her, her job not the other way around, and you're not the only one who misses Mark. We all do. Take some responsibility for your actions Doug."

Doug couldn't believe this. "you think you're the only one who has been hurt? You've hurt me more then you know, and you have no right to talk to me about Mark. He was my best friend! You didn't even ask me how I was when we found out he died! and now you're accusing me of sleeping with Anna? You want to know what I did with her last night? I had fun...god help me it was the first time I have been happy in the past few months. And you know what; I did have a chance to sleep with her. She actually likes me and doesn't want to change me." He stopped and lowered his voice. He didn't want anyone from the ER walking in on their conversation. "But you know why I couldn't be with her? Cause every time she touched me...when she kissed me...all I could think about was that I wished it was you. that I couldn't jeopardize our relationship to be with her. I know I am responsible for everything that happens to me and I cant change what happened in the past, but I still think every ethical choice I made was the right one." Doug stopped pacing and stood flat in front of her, "you need to stop being so selfish and see that other people have needs too. I'm sick of trying to be some different man. I will always be this way. I know who I am, I'm not always proud of it but at least I'll never try to change you."

Anna opened her eyes, she was in the recovery room, and her head hurt more than she remembered it hurting before. Bits and pieces of what had happened flooded her senses. She remembered leaving Carter's house and dropping Doug's jeep off at the ER and taking her car to head over to Northwestern. She closed her eyes and she could see the SUV plowing into the side of her car, but there was nothing after that. As hard as she tried she couldn't remember. Somehow she knew that she was at County. The hospital gown that covered her now was enough to let her know where she was. There weren't any familiar faces in the room. Did they call Max? Did anyone know she was here? A wave of panic filled her. There was still a tube down her throat so she couldn't speak and her arms were tied down to the bed rails. Oh god what had she done.

"She's a married woman Doug. As for changing you. That's the last thing I am trying to do. I've hurt you more than you've ever hurt me? Where does that come from Doug? I didn't sleep with everyone in this hospital while I was dating someone. I kissed one paramedic and you have a cow. Here now I am worried about you and you turn it into that I am trying to change you. You have a way of twisting things Doug. It's your fear of commitment. Keep on the road that you are and you will be no better of a man that your dad was."

Kerry could hear Doug and Carol in the lounge. Surgery had sent word down about Anna and she knew that Doug would want to know. She knocked on the door before going in.

"I didn't sleep with everyone when I was dating you!" Hearing about his dad stung Doug. and he had to stop talking once she said it. that had always been off limits and he thought she knew that. Doug took a breath and sat back down. He needed Carol to understand, even if she didn't agree, she needed to understand.

"You know how when you move you always loose something somewhere along the way?" His voice was soft and kind, but his face held how scared he really felt. "Well I feel like I lost something. I feel like I lost you. I don't want to loose you Carol, not over this. And if you need some time that's fine. But I'm telling you honestly, something happened in between Seattle and Chicago. Something happened and for better or worse I'm what you have to make do with." Doug heard a knock on the door and turned to see who it was.

"Doug you do what you want to do, you always do." Carol said reaching for the door. "I won't keep you from your girls, but something is going on with you Doug and I don't want you to bring me down this time." She pulled the door open, "excuse me Kerry."

"Hey!" Doug yelled bumping into Kerry on his way out the door. "You say how you never hurt me? comparing me to my father just did. not understanding just did. walking out just did...breaking my heart just did." he turned and looked at Kerry. "WHAT!"

Kerry jumped, "they send word down Anna's out of surgery. I thought that you would want to know since you were treating her earlier. She's in the SICU but they are still restraining her. I told them that probably wasn't necessary but they wouldn't listen said she was a flight risk."

"Fine." Doug brushed past Kerry without another thought. He didn't know what he was going to do with Carol, but he knew Anna needed him to be there for her so he was going to. After a shirt elevator ride up to the SICU Doug could see Anna through the glass. He checked with a nurse before going in and she told him the same thing Kerry did. He breathed in before entering. Quietly he walked over to her and screwed a smile on his face. She was still intubated but he still wanted to talk to her. "Hey" he said with a big grin. "You doing ok?"

Anna looked up at him; she could see the bruise on his face. She closed her eyes to fight back the tears. She shook her head back and forth. Before opening her eyes. She had no way of telling him that she didn't know what had happened that right now she was scared to death and no one had told her what was going on. She tried to motion with her hand to get him to tell her what was happening. She tried to talk around the tube but it was nearly impossible, squeaks were all that came out.

"Don't talk Anna. It's going to be ok." Doug grabbed the stool that was behind him and sat down. He picked her hand up from her side and held it. "you were in a car accident. When you came in you were a little altered...the surgeons fixed the pressure in your skull. you're going to be ok." Doug had to keep saying that because he had to believe it. "how about we get that tube out huh?" he said as he looked at a nurse who nodded at him. Doug laid Anna's bed back. "ok...take a deep breath in and when I count to three, blow out has hard as you can. 1...2...3..."

Anna blew and started to cough and sputter as the tube came out of her throat. She took a big breath in letting in fill her lungs. It felt good to be able to do that on her own with out feeling the machine forcing air in there. "Thank you." She whispered. "Your hurt with me?"

"You're welcome." Doug gave her a quick wink and sat back down again. he went to rub his eyes and accidentally touched the knot on his forehead. trying to cover up his wince he grabbed Anna's chart. then looked back at her. he wanted to be there and hold her hand but he felt as if he was almost hurting more than her. "I should let you get some sleep." he said letting go of her hand.

Anna shook her head, "Please tell me?" She said, "no one will tell me anything. I'm in restraints Doug why? Did I hurt someone; did I cause the accident and kill someone?"

Doug stopped for a second and debated on what to tell her. He didn't want to make her upset so he just shook his head. "You're gunna be fine." He went to lean over to give her a kiss but something stopped him and he straightened back up. Without another word her cracked a grin and turned to leave.

Anna fell back against the bed. "Would you make sure Doug that they don't call Max." Anna said as she closed her eyes. Something wasn't right, Doug was distant from her, "I'm sorry if I hurt you." she said as she rolled over onto her side the best she could to hide her face from him.

Doug stopped but didn't turn around. "They might discharge you tonight or tomorrow morning. You'll need someone to take you home. Who do you want me to call if not Max?" He knew his voice was flat and hard but he couldn't help it.

"Max," she said softly.

Doug swallowed hard. He was hoping she would ask him to take her home. He knew he shouldn't have gotten involved emotionally with someone in another relationship. He was mad at himself for not being strong enough to offer to take her...or for not being strong enough to stay. "I will." was all he could manage to whisper.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Carter helped Abby into the car. "So where would you like to go madam"

Carol walked over to Kerry after that heated argument; she couldn't stand being with Doug any longer at the moment. "Excuse me Kerry, if you please may I go home, I need to sort some stuff out" she said to her

"Please, I'd rather it be you." She answered. "When you go by the nurses' station could you tell them that I need some more pain meds?"

"Carter anywhere that has food I am starving." Abby said.

"Yeah that's fine Carol, I thought that you were off anyway." Kerry said.

Doug rolled his eyes. he knew he was being selfish but he couldn't believe that Anna wasn't picking up on what he was trying to tell her. "Bye Anna." he smacked the door open and let it close behind him hard. "Anna Del Amico needs some more Demerol." he said to the nurse who promptly left to administer it after he signed the chart. as soon as he did Doug squinted, he had forgotten Kerry wanted him to let her know about all narcotics before he prescribed them. "Ahh screw it." he said to himself. Doug grabbed her chart and looked up Anna's emergency contacts. Once he found Max's name he dialed the number and let the phone ring.

Carter smiled at her as they were driving, "How about the new Italian place by your place" he said to her

"What do you want Anna, you don't call, you don't come home." A voice yelled into the phone.

"Oh I forgot since you know what" she said to her, "thanks Kerry" Carol said. She went back to the lounge and started getting her purse.

Doug was shocked to hear the voice on the other end. "Ummm Mr. Rocher? This is Doug Ross from County General. Anna's been in a car accident. I need you to come down to the hospital please."

"What is she dead or dying?" Max snipped.

Doug was shocked, he couldn't believe this guy. "Umm no sir she's in recovery. it's against hospital policy to give out anymore information over the phone. if you come to the hospital I will go over it with you."

"If she's not dead, not dying then she doesn't need me to sit there and hold her little hand," Max yelled, "she coming home on Demerol or Vicodin?"

"That would be fine Carter." She said kicking back, "hope that Anna is alright."

Doug dropped his head. If Max had been at the hospital he would have knocked his teeth out. "I don't see what that has to do with the fact that your wife is in the hospital in critical condition. Will you be here or not?" he knew he shouldn't get short with Max, especially because of his relationship to Anna but the guy was pissing him off.

"Not unless you are telling me that I need to come in and claim her body." Max said, "otherwise I don't need to be there."

"Fine I'll let her know." Doug said through his teeth. "Freaking ass!" he yelled slamming down the phone. Doug stood for a second looking at Anna. How could somebody treat her like that? He waited several minutes to work up the courage to go in and tell her that she would have to be alone tonight. He didn't want to see her but she deserved to know. Doug softly opened the door and walked in. Anna was still facing away from him so he walked around to the other side of the bed so he could look at her and sat down. "Max might be by later." he lied. "Is there anyone else that could stay with you? If they let you home tonight they are going to want someone to watch you." Doug talked to his feet even though he was facing her, but it was the best he could do.

John looked at her. "Abby when were on a date you can call me by my first name" he said to her. They were finally there, "So um you want to call the ER, and see how she's doing?" he asked her

She rubbed her head against the pillow trying to push her hair out of her face, "the only other person I have is you Doug. You're the only person who gives a damn."

Doug's eyes drifted up to hers. he leaned forward and tucked her hair behind her ear. "ok. when they discharge you I'll send you over to Carter's. it looks like I'll be staying there for awhile anyway." Doug couldn't help it anymore. the combination of exhaustion, anger, and stress and finally gotten the better of him. he could feel his eyes welling up with tears so he buried his head in the cushion of the gurney bed.

Anna leaned over and kissed the top of his head. "Doug I would hug you and hold you and give you my shoulder to cry on but baby I can't." She said to him. Her check rested on the back of his head.

Doug quickly wiped his eyes and sat up fast. "I'm sorry. here I am acting like a baby and you're the one who's been hurt today. I should be the one there for you." he rubbed his face. he had forgotten to shave and he knew he must look pretty ragged.

"No Doug you've had a long day and I'm sure me being up here hasn't been easy for you." Anna said she was really beginning to feel the need for the pain meds. "Come here Doug."

Doug scooted forward in his chair and rested his chin on the gurney bar a few inches from Anna's face. he didn't know why it was so hard for him to look Anna in the eyes. "what?" he asked

Anna stretch pulling the restraint against her arm tight to reach Doug's face. She felt the desire to kiss him; she needed to know that last night wasn't just her imagination. She hoped against odds that the man sitting there so close to her would kiss her back.

Doug looked at Anna's hand and undid the restraints. "those things are dumb huh?" he tried to joke. she was looking at him in a way that he couldn't decipher. He felt close to her now more than ever. Now he knew she had pain in her life too. He took her freed and brought it next to his face. again he rested his chin on the bar. "I'm here."

With her hands free from the side of the bed she gently ran her fingers down the side of his face. Then she brought her lips down onto his. "I don't want anyone else but you. I thought you didn't want me Doug. You don't have to lie to me, Max isn't coming, and he was sent divorce papers today. I gave the lawyer the go ahead and I was on my way to see him at work when I got hit." She closed her eyes for a minute and could still see the SUV hitting her car.

Doug didn't pull away when Anna kissed him, but he didn't kiss her back either. he heard her say she sent the divorce papers in and it made sense to him why max was so mad. he hand was shaking as he looked at Anna, who had her eyes closed. "I never said I didn't want to be with you." he said before moving his head off the gurney bar and kissing her back. the kiss lasted longer then he thought it would. slowly he backed up a little. he held his head on his hand. "well I should let you sleep shouldn't I? but I'll be back. you wont have to be alone Anna. not tonight, not if you don't want to."

"I don't want to be alone." She said looking at him. Her eye lids started to flutter shut as sleep started to take it's hold.

Doug laid Anna's head back. He took her hand and held it in his, and put the other on her forehead. "I stay here until you fall asleep ok?" while Doug watched Anna drift off he began to as well. He knew Kerry would page him soon anyway or come up herself and wake him up so he didn't fight the feeling to fall asleep. he let his head fall in Anna's lap and tried to dream away the things of the morning.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Anna let her body give in to the sleep. Several hours later she started to wake again. She could feel someone there with her. Her eyes fluttered open and a smile crossed her face for a fleeting moment as she recognized Doug sleeping. There was a dull pounding ache coming from the back of her head. She gently stroked the back of Doug's head. "Doug," she gently called, "Doug wake up please."

Abby and Carter had been enjoying a nice lunch when Abby's pager started to beep. She glanced down at it. "It's Kerry," She said looking at Carter, "Anna must be out of surgery. Did you want to go and see her, make sure that she's alright? I know she's an old friend of yours."

Doug had been in a deep sleep when he felt someone touch the back of his neck. he opened his eyes at the sound of Anna's voice and sat up. After rubbing his eyes he gave her a smile, she looked better than before. "What's up?"

"I need something for the pain please Doug," she said, 'I can't find the button for the machine."

Doug stood up to check her IV. "wimp" he mumbled. he opened up a cabinet and injected some morphine into her drip and sat back down. "so besides the obvious, you doing ok?"

"Yeah, I'm doing okay." She said, "I can't believe you just called me a wimp." Anna looked at Doug. "How are you holding up? You look tired and upset still."

Doug rubbed his neck. Laying like that make the muscles cramp. "Well I'm a doctor...I'm always tired. and you are a wimp." he said looking serious at first then adding a smile. "as for being upset, in case you haven't noticed yet...I'm a perpetual downer."

"Yeah right and I'm Mary Queen of Scotts." She said back to him. "You are not a downer Doug. You have made me happier than I have been in years, and that's just from you being my friend." Anna paused she didn't know for sure where she stood with Doug. She knew where she stood with Max right now. "You gave me courage when I didn't think that I had any. You've giving me the chance to see how it feels to have someone care for you." Anna struggled to sit up in the bed. "What do I have to do to prove that I am ready to blow this joint, get back up on my feet and go back to work?"

Anna made his grin turn into a huge smile. "Well I'm always glad to give relationship advice...but you probably shouldn't take it from me." Doug grabbed her chart. "Well I could always chase down a surgeon to clear you...but I think they are going to want you to hang out for a little." Doug lowered the chart. He wanted to know how Anna really felt about him. The last thing he wanted to do is take advantage of her current situation and play knight in shining armor, or be a rebound date. After a second Doug realized he was staring at her. Snapping his eyes back to the chart he rolled his chair back. "But how about I go find out?"

"I want you to be serious with me Doug." Anna said looking him. "I care for you; really last night with you, it well, it meant something to me." She looked down and ran her hands down the side of her face. "How do I say this with out sounding like a total dork? I guess Doug what I really want to know is there any chance that there is, an us? Because I don't know if I can make what I'm feeling go away, and I don't want to make it go away."

Doug sat back down. "Not exactly a surgical question is it?" Doug thought on how to respond to her question, he couldn't blow their conversation like he did with Carol. "Anna, I've never been good at expressing...my feelings to people. I don't know how I feel day to day most of the time, much less a year from now. But if all I can ever tell you about us it's this: I feel good when I'm with you, and when I'm not I don't." Doug paused to read the reaction off her face. For the first time he honestly couldn't tell what she was thinking. "So I don't know if that's going to make us great friends...or something more." Doug held her hand again. "Just make sure you know what you really want. I'm not going anywhere...except maybe to get you out of here." Doug always had to end on a joke. Serious talks were hard for him.

"I'm not asking for a commitment. Just to know that you don't mind this." Anna leaned over and kissed Doug. She pulled back and ran her hand down along the side of his face. "This is what I really want. Go see about my freedom or at least get me a paper so I can find a place to live since I refuse to go home."

Doug grinned. "I don't mind that." He stood up. "Well I'll go see about your release status, and grab a paper so we can look for some apartments. I'm kind of homeless too." He didn't know if Anna could pick up on the fact that things hadn't gone very well with Carol, but he was sure it would come up later. "As for tonight, I hope you don't mind sharing a mansion again."

"As long as you're there I would stay in a cardboard box." She said grinning. She leaned back against the bed. Last night he had Carol on his mind and today it was different. Anna had a feeling that Carol hadn't budged on the shrink that she wanted Doug to see. You couldn't change people and her feelings weren't based on anything but who Doug was

"Ha-ha cardboard it is." Doug left the room and made his way down to the ER to grab some coffee and a paper. after getting both he saw Kerry sitting at admit. He took a sip of his drink and walked over to her. "Sorry about my tone earlier. I had no right to yell at you. I appreciate that you came and told me that Anna was out of surgery. For the life of me I can't remember County's rule on discharging patients. I haven't read your info packet yet and Anna is getting pretty restless to leave." Doug was trying to be careful not to burn any bridges, especially not this early in his return.

Kerry looked at Doug, "exceptions can always be made Doug provided she would have someone to watch her. You know as well as I do that head injuries are not to be taken lightly. And as for earlier just don't let it happen again. Who's her doctor and I will see if I can pull strings if I need too?" Kerry said looking at him, "I'm sure that they will be happy to free up a bed."

Doug nodded. "Yeah I am staying with her tonight. I think Hix is her doctor. Page me will you when you find out?" With that Doug skipped the elevator and bounded up the stairs to the SICU. "Come on say it!" he said sitting on Anna's bed and handed her the newspaper. "Who's the best? I do believe my boyish charm might have been enough to convince Weaver to let you leave us here." Doug couldn't help his beaming face. Being next to Anna just made him smile.

Anna couldn't help but laugh. "You're the best Doug." She said as she threw her arms around his neck. "Out of here, into human clothes again." Her mouth dropped when she said that. Everything that Anna owned was over at her and Max's apartment. The only thing that she had now was a bloody hospital gown and a wreaked car.

Doug felt her droop and turned to look her in the face. "See what I tell you? I'm a downer." he said sarcastically. "What's wrong Anna? you're out of here soon."

Anna shook her head, "it's not you Doug, and it's me. I don't have clothes, my car it's totaled. I'm screwed. I can't go back to that apartment if he's there." She looked up at Doug, "God he has to be furious by now and I don't trust him."

Doug nodded, he understood her not wanting to see Max. After talking to him on the phone he wasn't sure he wanted to either. "Well, since I'm feeling especially magnanimous just tell me what you need and I'll get it for you. I'm sure he's gotten a chance to cool down. It's not that big of a problem for me to go over there." Doug wanted to make everything easy for Anna today. He knew extra stress never helped.

"I don't need much Doug just some clothes." She said, "Max can keep everything else. Do you have any idea how grateful I am?"

Doug shrugged. "Ahh well. I still owe you for listening to me complain last night. I need to go grab some lunch anyway." Doug took back the newspaper and ripped off two pieces from it. on one piece he wrote his cell phone number and the other he handed to Anna. "write down your address and I'll go get some clothes for you." he handed her his cell number. "if I'm not back by the time they want to discharge you or if anything has changed give me a call."

Anna scribbled her address on the paper. "Down in my locker is an extra set of keys, hopefully Max is working and you can just slip in and out. My stuff is in the closet on the right. Just grab what ever you can find. I think that there is a duffle bag sitting on the floor of the closet."

Doug nodded as he took the paper and stood up. "Secret op. I got it." he waved his hand goodbye to her and walked down to the lounge to grab his coat and her keys. Her apartment wasn't very far from the hospital so he thought he would just walk. Doug stepped outside and shivered, even though the sun was out it was still well below freezing. it didn't take him very long until he reached her building. he made it to the third floor and stood in front of the door. he didn't know if he should knock or not. if max was in there it would not be smart to let himself in. Doug gave three knocks on the door and waited for a response.

Max got up and stumbled towards the door. He opened it coming face to face with someone who he didn't know. "What do you want?" He recognized the face but he couldn't place it.

Doug clenched his jaw. Max looked drunk and he didn't really want to deal with it. he might have had patience with Anna but after talking with max on the phone he had none with him. "Max. I'm Doug Ross, we met many years ago...I'm a friend of Anna's. she needs some of her things and I'm here to get them so if you'd excuse me." said as he attempted to walked past max who stood in the doorway.

"Yeah sure whatever." Max said letting him by. "Tell me did she bat her pretty eyes and you to get you to do her bidding as well, or did she put out."

Doug ignored the question and shot Max a glare as he walked past him. He wanted so much to turn around and deck him. he found the duffel bag on the floor and started to fill it with her things. after grabbing as many clothes he could find he zipped up the bag then threw it over his shoulder. "Is there anything else here that she want?" he asked coldly.

"If there's anything else she wants she can come and get it herself." Max said to him, "she has no reason not to come back here. Its our home. When you see my wife remind her that until I sign those papers that's what she is."

Carter looked at Abby, "Yes I would like that" he told her. "If you don't mind" he said to her

"No Carter I don't mind." Abby said to him, "we can go anytime that you're ready. I know how nerve wracking it can be to have friends and family in the hospital and not know how they are doing."

Doug turned to face him. He was a good bit taller than Max and he did his best to look intimidating. "You may be her husband on paper, but just know that when it counts, you don't mean anything to her." As Doug spoke he could feel himself start to loose him temper. With all that had happened in the past few days it didn't take much. He took a step closer, slightly bumping Max's chest. "What the hell is wrong with you? You didn't even come to the hospital when she needed you. So as far as I'm concerned I never even saw you."

"All right, yea I been worried about her for awhile. I never seen Anna act that way before. And I know something was wrong" Carter said to her as he got up to pay the check

Max brought his hands up, "what are you the little trollop's protector now. Anna is nothing but self-centered. The world revolves around her, her wants, her needs, her, her, and her. Why would I spend my night with her?"

Abby watched Carter as she put on her coat. It was chilly outside today. She crossed the room and put her arms around his waist and stepped up on her toes. "I'm sure she's going to be fine John."

"I'm just her friend. But don't make the mistake in thinking that if you hurt her it'll go unpunished." he said as he turned to walk out. That wasn't how he remembered Max, but maybe Anna had been right after all. She didn't deserve someone treating her like that.

John looked at Abby and put his coat around her. "Here you go" He said putting his jacket around her. As they walked over to his car, he opened the door for her

Anna had gotten the chance to speak with Doctor Hix. Everything was looking better, but she didn't like someone telling her she had to be careful with a hole in her head. She looked at the clock. Doug hadn't gone for awhile now and she debated on whether or not to call his cell phone or just wait. She was antsy to get out of there. But he'd be back soon. She filled out all the discharge papers, promised to come back if anything seemed out of the ordinary. She laid back on the bed, closed her eyes and though of Doug.


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: I know that there have been more requests for certain characters, some of this, well at this point in time was written over a year ago, it's part of an ongoing RPG thread, so what character's appear all depended on who was online at what time making posts for their characters :) Just a short reminder that if anyone wants to get involved there are openings for characters on the board, the adress is listed on the bio page. Thanks to everyone whose been reading I will try to post more, but I have very limited time right now._

Chapter 26

Doug left the apartment and slammed the door as hard as he could. He walked outside quickly, the cold not even phasing him. several minutes later he was back in the hospital. While he was in the ER he looked around for Kerry but couldn't find her. He wrote a note and gave it to jerry to give to her saying that he needed to leave early to take Anna home. This time Doug took the elevator up to the surgical floor. after the adrenalin left his body it also left him feeling more tired than before. He looked at Anna though the glass with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. He opened the door and walked over to her. "What a smile. You thinking of something good?"

"Hey handsome, yes you." She said to him, "look they gave me my walking papers. So I can officially leave. I had to promise to behave and listen to you though."

"Thanks John." She said to him. "Sorry that we haven't had much time together today with as hectic as things got. But if you want we can watch a movie at my place later."

Carter smiled at her. "Abby you been the best girlfriend that you can be" he said to her. He started driving towards county. He missed being with her, "of course a movie sounds great" he told her

"mmm i see. well let's...i mean why don't you get yourself dressed with all these clothes i brought you." Doug set the duffel bag on the bed and unzipped it. he pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and handed them to her. "i know I'm not the best with style but these are on top and they should keep you warm. it's pretty cold outside." Doug remarked rubbing his cold hands together. he sat down and pointed at the bathroom. "go on, let's get out of here before weaver gets my note and makes me stay."

Abby blushed. "Thanks Carter."

"Your welcome" Carter said to her as they started driving to county.

Anna scampered the best that she could into the bathroom. She was still a little wobbly on her legs. But she covered it up. She slipped into the jeans and sweatshirt Doug had brought it. It felt good to be in her own clothes once again. She slipped out of the bathroom and up behind him. She put her arms around his waist holding onto him.

Carol was feeling like speaking to Anna to get her side of the story, so she started walking up the steps towards her room

Abby watched as the pulled up to park outside County. "How long do you think that she will be here?"

carter thanked her as they made it there. "lets go see how she's doing" she said

"I'm right behind you enjoying the view." Abby said to him as they headed toward the ER.

Doug felt Anna's embrace and laid his head backwards to rest on her shoulder. After a second he stood up and turned around to face her. He pressed his forehead against hers as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm glad you're ok...I'm glad you're here."

Anna leaned into Doug, "So am I." She said melting into Doug's arms. She put her arms around the back of his neck and pressed her lips once again to his. There was something intoxicating about him, the way that it felt to be there with him. She was thankful that it wasn't more serious that they were able to fix her. She had come so close to not being able to be there in the moment.

Doug held onto Anna this time. He didn't want to let her go. Being near her felt good, he didn't fully understand why he had both extremes of good and bad happen to him at the same time but he was going to go with it.

Anna pulled back from Doug to look into his eyes, "since you have to take care of me, you're not going to put all these restrictions on me are you?"

Doug scrunched up his face. "I'm sure I can make some good ones up." he said with a smile. ""You ready to get outta here? I'm sure there's a warm couch and some soup at carter's with both our names on it." he said giving her another kiss. Doug had totally forgotten that everyone wanted to know how Anna was doing. He never thought that people might see them together. he never thought Carol might see them.

"Only if I don't have to be on that couch myself Doug." Anna said as she kissed his forehead.

Carter followed Abby up the stairs. He wanted to see how Anna was doing

carol walked closer, she was up the steps as she saw Anna and Doug in arm and arm together. How could they. She wanted to scream so bad

Anna just happened to glance out the glass, "Doug, Carol is out there." Anna's heartbeat faster, she was worried about Doug especially since she could see Carol's face.

Carol couldn't believe this, she walked into the room. "How Dare you, I told you I was your soul mate, but it looks like I'm not Douglas Ross, and Anna I thought we were friends. She said as she looked at them. She was deeply hurt. "Don't ever ask for my help Anna, go ahead and take the only man I love away from me" she said. "Don't come and ask for the girls till its sorted out Doug" she said slapping him hard. She walked out of the room; Tears were slipping down her face. She had never once had cheated on Doug, But here he was with someone else, a friend she thought she had. It made her so mad, She was crying cause the man she knew had hurt her hard and heavily.

As Carter and Abby made it up stairs, they were there just in time to see Carol slap Doug right away. "Not good timing "he told her

Abby looked at Carter, "I don't think so." She said. "Carol are you okay?" Abby was almost afraid to ask.

"I don't ever want to see Doug Ross in my life again" she said angrily as sobs were coming down. Carter had thought Doug loved Carol, what was wrong with him.

Abby put her arms around Carol and gave her a shoulder to cry on, "there, there Carol, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding and Doug loves you." Abby rolled her eyes at Carter, "go talk to them."

Anna stepped back; she couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. She could have sworn that she was picking up from Doug that he and Carol were not able to work on their differences. Stealing her man, that's not what she was doing. She watched as Carol stormed out slamming the door behind her. Anna slumped down into the chair. "I'm sorry Doug, I am so sorry." She forced the words out of her mouth, "go after her, and see if you can fix things."

Doug's heart sank when Carol walked in. He listened to her talk and couldn't think of a word to say. After she left he didn't even hear Anna talk, he was already running out the door after Carol. as soon as he left the SICU he ran into carter and Abby who were in the hall with carol. he hated the look on Carter's face and Abby looked at him with disdain. He didn't want Carol to leave without saying something to her so he shot carter and Abby both a look that said, 'go somewhere else' and walked over to carol. "Carol I know I've said it before but it's not what you think."

Anna watched Doug; she picked up the duffle bag that was sitting on the end of the bed. She slipped out of her room. She glanced over seeing Doug's back facing Carol; she turned and then slipped out of the SICU down the back set of stairs that led to the ER. She found her way to the lounge and opened up her locker. Feeling around the top shelf she found the credit cards that she kept in there. She wasn't sure where she was going to go, but she knew that she needed to give Doug space to work things out. He would find her when he was ready; she would be his friend if that was all that they were meant to be. She needed time too, time to adjust to everything that had happened to her in the past 24 hours. She had gone from a miserable married woman; to being in the middle of a divorce that she wasn't sure how well it would go. She closed her locker and sat down on the couch. She laid her head on the arm of the couch letting the tears fall as she cried herself to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Abby let go of Carol when she saw Doug's look. She pulled at Carter's arm, "let's get out of here."

"I run all the way to Seattle and tell you I love you Doug, what the hell is wrong with you..., I don't know if I'll ever trust you, so leave me the hell alone" she said to him. She started walking off again, she had been hurt and Doug probably didn't understand how badly he was hurt.

Carter followed Abby. "I can't believe Doug would do that to her, I mean they went back and forth for years. Carol then leaves, cause she knows there soul mates. "He said to Abby."How am I suppose to talk to Anna, when she's also in the middle of this mess" he asked her. "I'm so confused on talking to Anna or not"

Abby looked up at Carter, "you know it's a two way street. Whatever happened in there it wasn't just Doug and it wasn't just Anna. You know she's been thru a lot today Carter. She could probably use a friend. We just have to be there for the three of them, I don't know Anna, John so whether or not you talk to her is up to you."

"I think I go talk to her" Carter said to her. "Your right they have been through a lot lately. I'm going to see how Anna is doing" He told her, "Wan't to come with me?"

"No why don't you go in and talk to her yourself." Abby said patting his arm and smiling, "I think that it be best if she had friends, real friends around her right now. I'll wait here for you." Abby looked over at the room that Doug had come out of, "isn't that Anna's room there Carter. There's no one in there anymore."

Doug ran to catch Carol again. "Carol, what do you think happened in there? Anna was scared so i gave her a hug...she's just a friend!" Finally he caught up to her and pulled at her arm. "Come on Carol, it's just a misunderstanding, just let me explain."

Anna sunk down into the couch she wasn't all the way asleep anymore but she didn't feel like moving right now. The couch wasn't comfortable but she wasn't in any kind of pain yet. The last dose of Demerol Doug had given her was fully kicking in.

Susan strolled into the lounge. She had been at Doc's for awhile and her shift was about to start again. She saw Anna on the couch and hadn't heard any of what had recently happened. "Hey Anna." she said putting her things in her locker. "What's cracking?" she said in a cheerful voice.

Anna sleepily sat up her eyes red and puffy still, "my head that's what's crackin." She said focusing on Susan. "It's a cracking from my car this morning and that cherry red SUV that forgot that red means to stop."

Susan turned white and walked over to sit next to Anna. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea, are you ok?"

Anna fought back the tears, "yeah I'm fine, and I will be fine. Doug was supposed to take me home and now I don't know what's going on with that. I came down here to get my stuff and go god only knows where, I went from being miserably married this morning to getting into a relationship with a man who has prior commitments, giving my husband divorce papers and knocking myself for a loop in a car accident. I don't what to do or where to go. I should just get in a cab and either find a hotel or go back to my husband. But I've never been as happy as I have been when I'm with Doug. I can't just turn those feeling that are there off."

Susan was shocked. She had no idea Anna was interested in Doug, or that Doug would ever leave Carol. Instead of offering much advice Susan did what she always did best. She pulled Anna close to her to let her have someone to cry with. After a few minutes she had finally thought of something worthwhile to add. "Things like this always work out in the end. Doug's a pretty complicated guy but he's also really giving with this feelings and time. I'm sure he'll be down here any second to take you home." Susan knew if he wasn't she would make him. "You will figure it out Anna, you're a stronger person then I will ever be and i figured it out."

Anna sniffled, "thanks for understand Susan. I don't think today could get much worse than it already has. I think that Carol saw me kiss Doug and it blew up in his face. I know he loves her, I hope it all works out I really do. I want him to be happy that's all."

Susan just nodded. Although it probably wasn't wise for Doug to kiss Anna she understood. "Anna you know, Doug is one of those men who is truly happy when he feels he has a connection with someone, when he feels someone understands him. I've known him an awfully long time and he hasn't changed much. What I'm trying to say is that if he took the time to be with you and is going to take the time to take you home, he must feel that way with you. And i don't know why he wouldn't...you're pretty special." Susan rubbed her back trying to get Anna to smile. It looked like she had been through a lot already; Susan just wanted to take off a little pressure.

"You know maybe he and Carol just need some space. I've done nothing but cause tension between them over the 24 hours. Maybe we are better off as nothing more than friends." Anna said rubbing her eyes. "I'd rather walk away from him now than have him hate me for coming between him and Carol. I should just call Max bite the bullet and go home. I can call Doug in a couple of days and explain why I did what I did. I never set out with the intention of stealing her man, I didn't want to hurt Carol and I didn't want to push her away from Doug. She's a lucky woman to have a man like him. When I came down here Doug was talking to her, I left with out even telling them where I was going."

Susan stood up, she knew Kerry would kill her for being late for work but she didn't want to leave Anna alone. "Well, if you think you need to call Max then do it, but I know once Doug gets done getting yelled at he'll be worried if he doesn't know where you are. Feel free to hide out in here if you need to...or to come get me. I'll try to keep Kerry out of you're way ok?" Susan tried to smile through it all. No matter what Anna chose to do Susan was going to page Doug down. She knew his conversation with Carol would end like it always did and there was no sense in both Anna and Doug being miserable alone tonight.

"Thanks Susan." She said, "I'll hide out here for a little while longer and try to think things threw a little bit longer before I make a decision." No one knew she was down here and she knew that this was a safe spot to sit and think about things.

Susan nodded and left. She looked around for a minute and typed in a small message to send to Doug's pager. it simply said, "The lounge is a good spot for hiding out." after she sent it a minor trauma came in. Susan gladly took it and went to work. "There's nothing like good drama in the morning." she said to herself out loud.

Doug was waiting for Carol's reply when his beeper sounded. He checked the message and sighed. "Carol we need to talk about this later." Doug started down the stairs and came close to opening the door to the lounge. he stopped when he saw Anna sitting on the couch. he was sure that he was the last person Anna wanted to see. he wanted to cool down anyway. Doug put off talking to Anna and walked across the street to Doc's.

"You call that a hug Doug, You kissed her. I know you did, and don't lie to me, I can see it all in your face that you kissed her, and she kissed you too" she said to him. She said as tears slipped down her face as she was crying

Carter looked at Abby, she was right, "She's not there, where would she go, she should be admitted" he told Abby as he looked at her

Anna got up off the couch and walked over to pick up the phone. She held the receiver in her hand a few minutes before setting it back down. She dug in her pocket. She couldn't find the paper she was looking; she dialed the number of Doug's pager. She hoped that she wouldn't be getting in their way if they were still talking. She entered the number for the lounge since it was the only one that was in front of her at the time.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Doug sat down at Doc's. He knew he had cut Carol off but he just couldn't deal with it anymore. He was tired of always being one step behind. Like everything he did was never good enough for Carol. He was sure he had hurt Anna's feelings by running after Carol like that; he would be hurt if the situation was reversed. Doug pulled out the prescription that Anna had given him for his knee a day earlier. he had finally filled it. He took one out and swallowed it with his coffee. although it wasn't his knee that hurt he was in pain. Doug knew he had pretty much blown it with Carol, he was afraid if he didn't go back into county he would do the same with Anna. He felt his pager again and sighed as he looked at it. Slowly he got up and walked across the street. He took a breath before opening the door and kept his head down as he walked in.

"I'm sure that she must be around here somewhere, they might have taken her for some tests." Abby said, "let's just go and rent a movie. We'll go back to your house afterwards and snuggle up and watch it."

Susan hoped she hadn't done the wrong thing when she paged Doug. Carol and Doug just needed time apart for awhile. She walked out the trauma room in time to see Abby and Carter. "Hey Abby" she said to them. "looks like i am way out of the loop huh? are you guys leaving?"

Anna tried her hardest to smile when she saw Doug walk in the room. She caught his eyes for a minute before looking away. "Is that offer for a ride still good, or do I need to make other arrangements?" She asked her voice soft, yet lacking any sense of emotion.

Abby looked at Susan. "Yeah we are on our way out. Carter and I are going to go and grab a movie. He wanted to visit Anna but seems she's gone awol."

Carter looked at Susan. "I don't know who to blame or want to be in the middle of there mess, I mean I was just looking for Anna, that's all" he said to her

Abby pulled on Carter's hand. "I don't think we should be taking sides in it Carter. Let Anna, Carol and Doug work it out."

Susan nodded. "Yeah...they are all pretty emotional. I'm not supposed to say but Anna is in the lounge hiding out."

Abby looked at Carter. "You could go in and talk to them if you want but I wouldn't if you are going to butt in and take sides."

Doug looked at Anna smile and it just tore him up. He walked sluggishly over to the chair and sat down. "No I'll still take you if you want. just give me a second ok?" his tone was flat and cold but he couldn't help it. it seemed like it was 'get Doug' day. he set his head down on the table. he needed to compose himself before he said anything else.

Carter nodded. "Um Doug's been staying at the mansion" he told them. "I'm ready to get out of here" he said

"No there's no hurry Doug." She said to him, "I just wasn't sure what going on with everyone and I don't want to be a burden." Anna leaned over to gather what she had up. "I know that you and Carol were arguing, and I was the cause of that. You have enough going on in your life right now I don't want to cause you more trouble." Those were the hardest words that she had to say all day. "If you need time Doug just tell me, I'm not going anywhere."

Doug slammed his fist on the table. "Look, I don't want to think about Carol...and i don't want to freaking talk about her right now. don't feel bad. you're not a burden. you're not...anything." Doug was talking fast and harsh. he just wanted to leave. "if we're going to go then let's leave." he said standing up.

Anna was silent as she picked her bag up off the floor and headed for the door. She vaguely remember where she had parked his jeep that morning when she had dropped it off. "Let's go." She said with her back to him.

Doug grabbed his coat and headed briskly out the door. in the hallway he saw Abby, Carter, and Susan and rolled his eyes. he couldn't stand their judgment. he walked outside and looked for his car. "where'd you park?" he asked holding out his hand for the keys.

She looked at him like he was nuts. "Over there somewhere how the hell am I supposed to remember? I had my skulled drilled open today. And if your holding out you hands for your keys. I don't have them."

Doug wanted to scream. instead he clenched his fist and jaw. he didn't need to let anything stupid come out of his mouth. after taking a few seconds he came up with a solution. "ok i keep an extra set in the dash. if i can get in the car i can start it." he said walking forward to look. after a few minutes he found his jeep right in the front lot. Anna hadn't locked the trunk so it was easier to get into than he thought. Doug grabbed Anna's bag and threw it in the back seat. he started the car and waited for her to get in.

She got into the car and shut the door. Anna put her seatbelt on and looked at him for a minute. She wanted to say something but everything that came out wasn't right. She figured it would probably be safer not to say anything at all at this point in time. She laid her head back against the seat rest and immediately realized that was a mistake. As pain shot thru her skull. She leaned the side of her head against the window and closed her eyes.

Doug started the car and began the ride to Carter's mansion in silence. only the low sound of the radio broke the tension in the air. Doug wasn't really mad at Anna, but it was easier to pretend. his eyes flashed over to her almost every minute, he just wanted to make sure she was ok. a little while later he pulled up into the drive way and parked. he undid his seatbelt and looked over at her. she had her eyes closed and he thought she was asleep. he reached over and touched her face. "Anna come on...lets get inside."

The softness in his voice surprised her she wasn't expecting it. She opened her eyes and lifted her head off the window. "Okay." She brought her hand up to touch his. She wasn't sure if he would pull away from her and go back to being angry again. Now silent she waited to see what he would do.

Doug squeezed her hand once and let it go with a weak smile. He got out of the car and grabbed her stuff, then went to open the door to the house. After they were both inside Doug, once again, felt out of place. He wasn't sure how to react to it all so he decided to just be a doctor. "You should take a shower and go to bed Anna." The drive had calmed him down and he now spoke softly but he just couldn't manage to lift his head up to look at Anna when he spoke. He was too disappointed in the way he had handled things.

She didn't argue instead she took the bag, turned and headed up the stairs. She didn't stop until she reached the room she had slept in the night before. She kicked herself for just walking away from him like that. But he was the one who was responsible for taking care of her right now, if Doug wasn't there then she would still be sitting in that hospital. She sat on the edge of the bed. She was exhausted and the dull ache was still pounding in the back of her head. She dug threw the bag and when she managed to find what she was looking for, got up and went into the bathroom. She got a glass of water and headed back to the bed. She took two of the percocets that she was sent home with. She placed them on the nightstand next to the bed. He needed time, she told herself. She prayed that he would come to her when he was ready. If for nothing more than to be her friend. She picked up his shirt that was still laying there where she had left it that morning and held it close against her body. It still smelled like he did. She could still feel his arms wrapped around her.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Doug watched Anna walk up the stairs and into her room. He was too involved with his own problems that he couldn't think about Anna's for the time. he walked outside to carter's basketball court to shoot for awhile and take his mind off things. after about thirty minutes of playing Doug was sweaty and worn out. he walked back inside and up the stairs. Anna's door was still closed. he hopped into his shower just enough to rinse off and then threw on some work out pants and a shirt. he walked into the hall and didn't hear any noise from her room. "maybe she did fall asleep" he thought to himself. he grabbed the guitar he had learned to play in Seattle and brought it down stairs. he had to think of how to handle things with Anna and he thought playing might help. he sat on carter's couch, strummed out a song and sang to himself.

Anna heard what sounded like some playing music. She got up and walked towards it. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and listened to Doug for a minute. Before crossing the room to were he could see her. "I couldn't sleep."

Doug jumped when he heard a voice. he relaxed when he saw it was Anna. "you scared me." she looked pretty upset. Doug scooted over on the couch to make room for her to sit down. he ran a hand through his wet hair and leaned forward. "i didn't wake you did i? you take your meds?" he had to stick to the medical stuff at first. he didn't still didn't know if she was upset with him or just the lousy day in general.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. No you didn't wake me, and yes Dr. Ross I took my meds." She didn't have to try to smile this time. "Is there anything else that my wonderful private doctor needs to know?"

As hard as he tried not to, Anna's joke made Doug crack a smile. "Ahh song request?" he joked and gave her a smile back. after a second of looking at her he patted a spot on the couch next to him. "Ahh come here."

She moved over to the spot on the couch next to Doug. "I didn't know that you knew how to play."

Doug looked down at his guitar. "Yeah...I taught myself when i was in Seattle. it's a pretty good stress reliever. it's one of my many so called hidden talents but its only hidden because i haven't actually developed a talent for it yet." he said rocking into her shoulder to get her to smile. he still felt awkward sitting next to Anna with this much tension floating around them, he wanted to fix it but he didn't know how to start.

Anna laughed and smiled. "I'm sure you have many talents Doug. And I want to get to know them. "She wanted to let Doug know that things were okay between them.

Doug nodded. He understood what she was trying to say. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment to get the words right in his head, even though they were simple. finally he looked back at Anna. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have handled things the way i did today. please know i do care about you...it's just like a Doug vortex of doom. i just keep getting sucked back in." Doug cracked his fingers as he fidgeted he hoped he wouldn't regret saying his next words. "I'm glad you decided to come down though."

She blushed, "well being next to you beats snuggling with your shirt Doug." She couldn't believe that she actually admitted that to him. "It was a crappy day for both of us. How about if we just pretend the best we can that none of it happened that we didn't snap at each other. I know that you care for me. As for the Doug vortex of doom, I'm along for the ride. You can't get rid of me that easy."

Doug couldn't help but laugh. "Ohhh man...you got it bad." He kept laughing. it wasn't the fact that her joke was that funny as it was he just needed to. "well if we're both pretending we had a good day we might as well eat. so what would you like? order some nice take out...dinner and a movie...stop me when something sounds good."

"Can we do take out and a movie here?" She asked.

"Yeah I'm here for you." he said giving her a wink. "I'm sure carter has some DVD's around here. Ummm i think there is still a good pizza joint around the block. as long as you don't put some funny Philly stuff on it that might be good." Doug put his guitar to the side and stood up. "I tell ya what. if pizza is good with you I'll go get it and you can set up here. pick a movie...grab some covers and get comfortable. I don't want you getting sick on me or anything."

She smiled at him. "Okay. I'll get comfy and I promise Dr. Ross," She was grinning now, "that I will behave myself and not do anything I shouldn't."

Doug smiled. "Oh boy, you're tough to trust." Doug walked over and put on his coat and grabbed his keys. before he left he stopped and turned around. "Hey Anna, that tee shirt you can keep." and with a grin he was out the door to get some food. the pizza place was close enough to walk to but with the sun now down it was cold and icy so Doug took his car.

Anna smiled as she watched Doug go out the door. She went upstairs to grab the quilt and pillows off the bed. She also threw his tee back on so that she would be more comfortable. She went back to the stairs slowly. She knew is she fell down the stairs Doug would kill her. She then started to search the house for a DVD, the only thing she could find was the 3 musketeers, after the day they had something light and romantic would be nice. She put the DVD by the TV and sat down on the couch under the blankets to wait for Doug to come back with something for them to eat.

It didn't take Doug long to get the pizza. He settled on plain cheese. with all the medication Anna was taking he didn't want to upset her stomach. He drove slowly down the road and back to carter's house. there was ice everywhere and he wanted to be careful. he started to walk up the stairs to the door and just when he thought he was home safe his foot slipped out from under him on the ice. he landed on his knee ripping a hole in his pants but he saved the pizza. "Ahh damn." he said to himself looking at his bloody knee. he sighed and walked into the house. "pizza delivery."

Anna looked at him. She darted across the room and took the pizza from him. "Sit down you're bleeding." She set down the pizza boxes. "I'll go get something to patch you up with."

Doug sighed. "I'm ok Anna. i just slipped on some ice." he let her take the pizza anyway and he did as she asked. He saw all the quilts she had laid out and even noticed her wearing his shirt. The combination made him grin. he sat down and rolled up his pants leg waiting for her to come back.

Anna search through the bathroom and finally found some first aid stuff. She wanted to run down the stairs put patiently walked. When she got to the bottom she rushed over to Doug. "Might sting a little," She said as she started to clean up his knee. As she put the bandage on it, "you didn't hurt anything else did you?" She said concerned about him.

Doug shook his head as she fixed his knee, it did sting but he tried not to show it. "Nah the shiner you gave me hurts worse then this." Once she finished up he took the bandage stuff from her. "Go on you sit down. ill go grab something to drink. Why don't you put on whatever movie you found?" Doug stood up and tried to walk into the kitchen. he had landed on his injured knee and tried his hardest not to limp. He knew Anna would say something to him about it anyway. he returned with a few bottles of water and ice pack. He shuffled over to the couch and flung himself down.

"You're limping Doug. Did you fill that script I gave you, those should help" Anna said as she started the movie. "All I could find was the 3 musketeers. I gave you the shiner?" She shrugged her shoulders and slipped under the quilt next to Doug.

Doug nodded, "Yeah i took a few earlier. ill grab some more later." He put his arm over her shoulder and grabbed a piece of pizza. "You didn't know you hit me! Look at me face!" he yelled playing with her, "damn woman, you're a regular mike Tyson!" He took a bite of pizza and put his feet up. "Good i like the 3 musketeers." He looked at his arm that was draped over her shoulder, "is this ok?"

She smiled as she snuggled in closer to him. She bit at the pizza that he had in his hand, "this is perfect Doug. And as for that shiner on your face. I have no memory of ever hitting you so I am going to deny it until I am blue in the face." She was giggling now. She was happy that things were getting better between the two of them. "I like being this close to you." She nipped at his pizza again, "it makes stealing your pizza that much easier and that way I don't have to hold my own."

Doug covered his smile with his hand and sunk down further into the couch. "Oh great so when I'm out for a week after i get some nasty disease from you ill be nibbling off of your paycheck then." After he rearranged the ice pack on his knee he looked at her again. "oh well, at least we'd be sick together right?" Doug got close to her face but suddenly redirected his attention to the TV. "Ohhh cool. this is my favorite part."

"I don't have any diseases Doug." Anna said poking him gently in the ribs. "As for this being your favorite part, I'm not buying it mister." She leaned over closer to him her eyes looking directly into his, "just kiss me Doug. I promise I won't bite unless you want me too."

Doug could feel his face blush but he was glad she spoke up. He closed his eyes and brought his face only inches apart from hers. "great I'm that obvious huh? there goes my mysterious appeal," he whispered before pulling her closer and kissing her. It sent a shock up his spine. Anna had just recently made that affect on him but it made him feel good.

Anna melted into his arms under his kiss. He made her head spin. She didn't need him to be mysterious. His touch was enough to take her breath away. Kissing him made the rest of the world disappear.

Doug's smile separated their kiss. "Oh, i cant believe you have that affect on me. it's like high school all over again." he pulled Anna to sit in his lap and he laid down on the couch. He directed her head to lay on his chest. Doug breathed deeply. "oh yeah...i had forgotten that this was what being happy feels like." He kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer, "so i guess this means I'll have to give up some more of my shirts to you huh?" He said before letting out a big yawn.

"Only if you want to. But they are comfy." She said rubbing her head against his chest. "I know what you mean though Doug, you make me happy too." Here she was snuggled up against a kind man. She knew she wouldn't hear Doug calling her any of the names that Max had. Here she was safe and she could feel it. Anna was fighting now to keep her eyes open.

Doug brought his hands up and rubbed his eyes he wanted to stay up with Anna but he was incredibly tired. "You know as much as i don't want to we would both benefit from some sleep. You definitely have some time off but i only asked for a few days. I think in weaver time that means one...but at least we'll have tomorrow." Doug tried to stretch his back. "So what do ya think? rain check on the movie?"

Anna moved to get up. "Rain check on the movie sounds good." She said to him as she stood up. She held out her hand to him. She wondered if she'd be sleeping alone tonight or not. Company in that big bed upstairs wood be nice, but she would understand if it wasn't meant to be that way.

Doug grabbed her hand and walked with her up the stairs, he stopped in the hallway in-between their two rooms. "Here we are again, another high school moment...well more like college." Doug slapped his hands together, "but umm...i think I'm going to let you get your sleep." Doug winced waiting for her reaction. A kiss was all he could commit right now he still thought in the back of his head that carol might somehow forgive him tomorrow; he couldn't give any more of himself tonight. "Besides, you need to take a shower anyway."

"Yeah." She said holding the smile on her face. "Another one of those moments. I know, no getting my head wet. I don't need to get the new hole in my head infected." She ran her hand over the still sore spot that reminded her of the day's events. "I'll hum change the bandage before I go to bed."

Doug rolled his eyes, "oh come on...i tell ya what... you get changed...and let me get changed and ill fix ya up and tuck you in."

"Uh ya sure." She said, "Just give me couple of minutes." She said as she slipped inside the room and closed the door. She leaned against it for a minute. She felt like a pain in the ass, but she couldn't very well see the back of her head to change it. She walked over to the bed pulling out her flannel pajama bottoms. She didn't want to take his tee shirt off yet. She pulled the rest of her medications out of the bag. God did they send her home on enough. She took the glass that she had sitting on the nightstand and started to pop the pills that she had been given to take.

Doug went into his room and changed into some running shorts. He needed to do laundry and they were the only clean things he had to sleep in. "Ahh man." he thought to himself. "I don't even have a shirt. oh well, I know its being used well." After he brushed his teeth and cleaned himself up a little he walked across the hall and knocked on Anna's door before opening it, "ready gimpy?"

She took a deep breath. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Doug walked into her room. he felt a little uncomfortable in just shorts...but then again, he didn't think Anna cared, "alright" he said grabbing some gloves and gauze. he carefully unwrapped the gauze from her head and cleaned the tiny incision. He wrapped it back up and threw the garbage in the trash he came up behind her and pulled her into a hug. "want to be tucked in?"

"Yeah," She said taking the last two pills that they had given her, "so how long am I banned from the ER?"

"I don't think you're banned." He said spinning her around. "Ahh more like declared temporarily incapacitated." He wanted to make her smile she didn't seem as happy as she did when they were together on the couch. He wished he could give more of himself, but he didn't need anymore complications, he wanted to just take it slow. "Ok" he said directing her towards the bed. "goodnight" he said as he leaned over and pulled up the comforter. He gave her a kiss on her cheek and stood back up straight. He walked to turn out the lights, "let me know if you need anything ok?" He softly shut her door, leaving his halfway open so he could hear if she called him. Doug almost collapsed on his bed. he laid on his stomach and snuggled into his pillow. It had been a lousy day, but it was a great way to end the night.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Anna snuggled deeper into the bed and closed her eyes. Space and time, space and time she repeated to herself until she feel into a restless sleep, spending most of the night tossing and turning. She didn't feel overly well but she knew that Doug was tired and she wasn't going to wake him up. She glanced at the clock, enough time had passed so she reached and took two more percocets. She laid there watching the time pass. She couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard she tried. It was quarter after 6 now. She got up and quietly walked down the hallway and down the stairs. She pulled the quilt off the couch from where her and Doug had been laying earlier that night. She walked out the siding glass door, a fresh layer of snow laid on the ground there was a small sliver of a moon that made the snow sparkle she leaned against the pillar that was there and just stared at it as she wrapped the quilt tightly around her to keep the cold at bay.

Doug didn't sleep well, but he slept. his dreams were of the what if's of the previous day. he woke with a start when he heard a small noise that came from downstairs. it took him a moment to gather the strength to look at the clock. it was a little past six. Doug found a sweatshirt and walked into the hall to check on Anna. he found no one in her room so he walked downstairs. it took him a moment to figure out where she had gone, but he saw part of her through the window. he opened the door and shivered as the cold wind caught him off guard. he wrapped his arms around himself to try to stay warm in just what he was wearing. "Damn Anna it's cold out here, what are you doing? There are better places to be alone."

"It's beautiful out here." She said standing back up. She turned and walked back into the house. "I needed to clear my head Doug. I'm used to the rollercoaster but not like that." She put her hands on the edge of the couch to steady herself, she let go over everything that had been eating at her, 'I feel so alive when I'm with you and you are special to me, things just seem so complicated right now. There's no easy fix for this. You have your problems and I have mine. After four years of fighting and bickering, the name calling his abusive behavior when he was high or drunk, I threw in the towel, I walked away. I have failed as a wife, god knows I tried everything that I could but it wasn't ever enough. I know that phone call is coming; the only difference this time is that I don't know which one it's going to be this time. I don't know if he'll go off and OD and I'll get the phone call that I have to ID him, or if it will be that same phone call I have gotten time and time again, that he's in rehab once more and that he's sorry, he'll never do it again. The one that I fall for every time believing that yes people can change if they want to. I have never tried to change anyone Doug. Not him, not Carter, not you. All I wanted was to find the one person in this world that I was comfortable with. But the more that I look and the more that I like about it, no matter what I do, everything is so screwed up, I'm going to end up pushing the only people who care away. I keep telling myself over and over again to give you time to give you space and I'm trying Doug, I am really trying, but damn it it's hard and I won't lie it hurts to see you hurt."

Doug followed her back inside. he listened to her talk and was shocked. it sounded to him like he had hurt her more than he thought. he let her finish and thought a moment on what to say. she had been open with him and it was only fair to be the same back. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. i cant say that everything's going to be alright anymore and i cant tell you that i can just drop a seven year relationship in three days. i know my problems affect you just as much as they affect me, so I'm sorry for hurting you." Doug tried to roll back the tightness in his voice. seeing Anna be upset with him again made him want to cry. "so I'll understand if you can't deal with this anymore. i don't expect you to. just tell me what you want from me, cause i cant go through much more of this."

"I do want to deal with this Doug. It's not you that I am upset with. You are not the one that I am angry with. I needed to vent before I exploded. I...I..."

Doug rolled his eyes. He needed to get out; he didn't understand where all of this was coming from. everything seemed to be ok last night. he couldn't believe that this could be because he didn't sleep with her last night. he threw his hands up. "I'm outta here." he walked out the back door to carter's basketball court and picked up the ball. the wind knocked his bare legs, it was way to cold to be out in shorts but he didn't know what else to do.

She was frustrated now. He wasn't understanding that this wasn't about him. She stood there for a minute before she took her wedding ring off and threw it across the room. She went upstairs. She dug threw what belongings that she had brought back from the hospital, she found her cell phone and her pager in the bottom of the bag still in her lab coat pocket where she kept them. She didn't know what she was doing. but she dumped the contents of the bag on the bed. This was insane. She had no car; her driver's license was in her purse in the car that was in a pound somewhere. She needed air; her throat was starting to collapse on her making it hard to breathe. She sat down on the bed. The last two days all she had done was run, and now here she was thinking about doing it again.

Doug shot the ball a few times. he ran up the court to do a lay-up but went too fast. he slipped on the wet concrete and landed on his back. "Damn It!" he screamed as loud as he could. He stayed down and tried to assess his injury. it didn't take him long to realize he was fine. he sat up and put his head between his knees. he didn't understand how he could manage to mess up his relationship with two different people in two days. "this is why i shouldn't have done anything with Anna." he said out loud. "how could i be so stupid?"

She had heard him scream and ran down the stairs. But she had stopped dead in her tracks hearing his words. She stood looking at the basketball court where Doug was on the ground. The wind was whipping across her bare arms now. "Please tell me you don't really mean what you just said. I meant what I said about this not being about you Doug. The reason I didn't say anything before this morning is because I hadn't had time to adjust to everything, I hadn't thought about any of it. "She threw her head back, "what did you honestly think that all of a sudden I was mad at you because you didn't sleep with me last night? Is that what you think?"

Doug shot his head up; he didn't realize Anna had heard what he'd said. he buried his head back into his sweatshirt. "i don't know..." he said in a whisper. he threw his hands back and laid back down on the court. "i don't know what i was thinking! you're right, I'm wrong...i think everything's about me...I'm such a bad person...there ya go!" it only took him a second to realize he was yelling at her. he knew he had to fix it. "look Anna, that's not what i mean, I'm just a little messed up today ok?" he slowly stood but didn't walk over to her. "its just confusing for me. i don't know how to act around you...I'm not sure if you want a friend, a doctor, or a boyfriend. after all you are still married to max."

Anna ran her hands threw her hair, "I don't need a doctor Doug, I am one, but friends are far and few between. What I want from you is what you are willing to give me. Be it as your friend or something more. No one has ever taken my breath away like you did. But you're right I am still married to Max and there isn't a damn thing I can do about that right now. Does it really matter to you that I am married? Does that little piece of paper mean that much? The ball is in your court Dr. Ross. I'll be inside, it's freezing out here."

Doug hated being called by his whole name. Carol always seemed to do it when she was mad at him. He watched Anna go back inside and stood where he was. It was cold outside and he couldn't very well stay out in shorts and a sweatshirt for very much longer. Soon enough he decided to bite the bullet and go inside. He shut the door and walked over to find Anna. "The truth is it does matter that you're married. I have always wanted to be someone's husband. For a long time I thought it was with Carol, now I doubt it...but that's special to me. It means something." Doug kicked the ground, he was going to say it and he hoped Anna wouldn't take it the wrong way. "The truth of the matter is I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of my problems, and I'm tired of yours. If we have a chance at anything we've got to start over."

She nodded, "I want that Doug." She reached out for his hand. "I want us to stand a chance."

Doug didn't take her hand; instead he looked up at her sheepishly. "I need to get warmed up; my core temperature dropped ten degrees while I was out there." Doug walked past her and towards the stairs. "Let me take a shower, I'll catch you in a little bit." Even though he had made things right with Anna he still needed some time alone. A shower was the best excuse he could think of since he didn't think Anna would follow him there. "Why don't you eat something, alright?"

"Uh yeah." She said. Watching him walk up the stairs. She waiting until she knew he was up the stairs and then snuggled under the quilt that was on the couch and closed her eyes. A short nap was all she needed and since he was going to be in the shower it wouldn't hurt.

Doug let the water run over his head. He was still pretty tired physically but most of all he was emotionally drained. He got out and put on some jeans and his shirt. he walked down the stairs and saw Anna was sleeping on the couch. "Not a bad idea" he thought. after all of this it was still only a little after seven. he walked over to the couch and laid his wet head on her lap. the shower had only made him colder so he brought his knees to his chest to keep warm.

Anna stirred feeling a head on her lap. She sleepily lifted the quilt up feeling someone shivering, and then happily dozed back off again. She was tired and it felt good to actually be getting a restful sleep after airing what had been bothering her.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Doug fell asleep quickly. The next time he woke it was not in a start or from a bad dream. He heard the gentle sounds of rain on the roof and slowly opened his eyes. He felt warm under the quilt and it took him a moment to remember where he was. he looked down at his watch and was surprised to see it was almost ten. he got up gently and tried not to disturb Anna who was still resting. he made his way into the kitchen and looked around for something to eat. the saw the cold pizza from last night and grabbed a slice out of the box. he pushed himself up onto the counter and quickly stuffed it down. he looked outside at the combination of falling rain and snow. it all looked so beautiful to him, he was glad he was going to be able to spend the day with Anna.

Anna stretched out. She felt much better, not all the way awake yet but better. She yawned as her hands went above her head. She stumbled towards the kitchen her hair almost up on end from the static electricity that was generated by the quilt. "Coffee, please dear lord let there be coffee."

Doug almost spit out the pizza in his mouth when he saw Anna. "hhahaaaa..." he looked at her again and swallowed the food in his mouth." Sorry, but you have no idea how you look." he looked around for the coffee pot and realized it was behind him, empty. "No coffee...but plenty of pizza."

Anna shuffled her feet across the carpet grinning evilly. "Well then I will make some." She said, "you're laughing at me." She reached out her arm to make contact with Doug.

Doug smiled back at her. "I know i shouldn't laugh, my hair's probably a mess too." he opened up his arms and brought her into a hug. "You look like you feel better though." he let her go and jumped off the counter to give her access to the machine. "so what fun rainy day activities have you got planned for this afternoon?"

She smiled as she found the coffee and took a long smell from the can before putting some inside the coffee maker. "I don't know. I was thinking of just lounging around since I am totally free."

Doug nodded, "Hey lounging is fine. Just know though, come eight o'clock it is the Bulls game baby! we are going to have a good time watching that." Doug wiped his hands on his shirt and walked back over to her. "I have to go back out and do some dictations later; i might even stop by and see Kate and Tess. is their anything else that you want me to pick up for you?" he looked around the kitchen. "it kind of feels lonely without anyone else in this huge place. I wonder where Carter and Abby are."

"Yeah I have some charts at the hospital that I need to finish up, could you grab them for me." She said, "since I can't see patients I might as well get those done. And I wouldn't miss the bull's game, but they aren't the same since Jordan retired."

Doug nodded. "Ok, well i am going to go there so i can get back soon. I'll give you a call when I'm on my way back ok?" he walked into the other room to grab his shoes and coat. "Try not to burn the mansion down ok?" he joked before he left. Doug hopped into his car and drove the short drive to County. He walked inside, a little weary of seeing Carol but mostly trying to avoid weaver. the last thing he wanted was to be found by her and talked into working a shift or attending a meeting.

Anna smiled as she watched him drive off. He was right this house was quiet. Anna poured herself a cup of coffee and then hit the shower. She was amazed that she managed not to get her head wet. She threw some clothes on and then headed back down stairs before turning the stereo on. She refilled her coffee cup and sat down on the couch when she heard a knock on the door. Since she was the only one there she got up and answered it. Coming face to face with her soon to be ex husband.

Doug grabbed his charts and looked to see which ones were Anna's. it looked like the rain had brought in a lot of people to the hospital. he grabbed what he needed and left quickly before anyone had a chance to stop him. he threw the papers in his car and drove until he saw a subway. he stopped to get a few sandwiches for Anna and himself. he knew he told her he would call but he didn't want to take the chance of waking her if she had gone back to sleep. when he pulled up to the house he noticed an extra car. "i wonder is carter finally came home." he thought. with his arms full he walked up to the door and struggled to open it.

Anna was furious with him for showing up. She couldn't believe that she was standing here listening to him. She was yelling now at him. Max reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her towards the door. He opened it coming face to face with Doug. "Get out of my way."

Doug was shocked to see max when he opened the door and tripped when he stepped backwards. because he had his hands full he couldn't stop max from walking into him and he fell on his back. he saw max and Anna by the arm and quickly got to his feet. "what do you think you're doing?" Doug demanded as he grabbed Max's shoulder spinning him around.

Max tightened his grip on his wife's arm. Making Anna cry out. "It's really none of your business Doug, but I am taking my wife home where she belongs." Anna took advantage of Max being distracted by Doug and kicked him as hard as she could breaking free momentarily of him, only to have Max grab her by the hair.

Doug didn't hesitate when Max looked at Anna and grabbed her hair. "Son of a..." he swung at max connecting with him just below his jaw. he followed max as he fell to the ground and got on top of him. Doug grabbed Max's shirt with his left hand as he hit him in the face, breaking his nose.

Max had lost his grip on Anna when he felt Doug's fist connect with his jaw and then nose. He tried to push Doug off of him. He swung at Doug, getting nothing but air. He could feel the blood dripping now down his face.

Doug pushed him back down again. "What the hell's wrong with you huh!" he slammed him into the concrete and punched his face. after max tried to hit him back Doug lost it. he put his knee into Max's chest to hold him down and kept hitting him. all he could think of is what his dad had done to him and his mother and he couldn't stop.

Anna ran over, "Doug, stop, please, you'll kill him, and I won't have you going to prison for that. Even though he deserves it." She started to pull on his arm, "he's not worth it Doug, he's not worth it!"

Doug hit him again and then realized Anna was pulling on his arm. he stood up and off of max and looked at his hand. it was covered in Max's blood. in a second his mind raced and he realized what he had done. "oh my god." Doug said looking down at him. "Ohhh Christ, Anna call 911."

Anna went inside and called 911 and gave them the information. She then went back outside. She looked at Doug and then at Max. She kneeled down next to Max and took a good look at his bloodied head. Anna was more worried about Doug than she was Max; the SOB had brought this upon himself. "Doug are you hurt at all?" She said as she tried to stop the bleeding.

Doug just shook his head. he couldn't believe he had been that dumb to do something like this. "no i think I'm fine." he sat down on the steps and put his head down. he could hear the ambulance coming and he knew he was going to have to explain what he had done...to the cops and to weaver since the nearest hospital was county. he looked over at max who was knocked out cold and Anna who was pressing a towel to his head. Doug didn't mean for anything to go that far. he just shook his head as the ambulance pulled up. "oh man."

Anna gave the paramedics what information about Max that she could, warning them that when he came to that he was on something but she didn't know what. When he had gotten there she could tell from all the experience she had that he was high and drunk. She stood back and let the paramedics do their work. She walked over and sat on the steps next to Doug. She didn't know what to say, Max very well could have killed them both. "Doug, god he could have killed you." She said rubbing her head, hands shaking. "Are you sure you are not hurt?" She was having a hard time finding words, just this morning they were on their way to starting over and now this. She would kill whoever at the hospital leaked out to him that she was staying with Doug and Carter's. Where did this put them, could he forgive her for Max showing up and being put into a situation where she needed to be rescued? Anna knew that there was no way that she would have been able to get away from him. She rubbed her hands up at down her arms. She could feel the bruises that were forming from where Max had grabbed her several times. "He was in the wrong Doug; you were defending yourself and protecting me."

Doug opened and closed his hand several times. he could feel the swelling setting in. he was surprised when Anna came and sat next to him. she didn't seem angry, just concerned for him. "my hand hurts a little." he finally managed to say. Doug could hear the paramedics in the background. he hoped max was going to live, not be alright, but live. he looked at Anna. she wasn't wearing a jacket and he could see the bruises on her arm starting to come up. "are you ok?" he asked taking off his coat and putting it over her shoulders.

"I will be." She said, "just a little scared and shaken up, but it's nothing." Anna reached down and scooped up some snow that was on the ground. "Here," she said as she put it inside his hand and closed her hand around his.

Doug kissed her forehead. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the medics were ready to transport Max. "You should probably go to the hospital with him. The police will be around soon I'm sure." Doug ran his fingers through his hair. he was more embarrassed than anything else. "depending on what his injuries are, I'm probably going to be charged with assault. weaver's going to get a kick out of that." Doug moved his coat to look at Anna's arm again. he was glad that he had come home when he had.

"I am not getting into the back of that ambulance Doug." She stated. "And I am not going to let them charge you with assault for pulling him off me." She had to laugh, "granted you pummeled the crap out of him, but I appreciate it."

Doug shook his head. he was never proud to be in a fight. he had been in way to many of them for that. "Yeah, i am sorry for that. it was uncalled for...bad memories." Doug watched them put max in the back of the ambulance. "Well if you want me to drive you to County i will." he looked at his hand again. the snow had made it numb but hadn't gotten rid of the blood that was now dried onto it and his shirt. "i need to get this off me though."

"Really I'm okay I don't need to go, I'm a little bruised but I'll live." She said, "it's cold out here can we go inside?" she said standing up off the stairs. She grimaced as she tried to turn the door knob. She hoped that her back was to him enough that he hadn't seen her face.

Doug sighed and stood up when she did. he thought he saw her wince when she grabbed the door but decided to address it later. walked in behind her and took his coat off her shoulders and saw the bruise around her arm. looking at it his mind shifted to carol and what he had done to her. he never wanted to end up like max...or his father. he walked into the bathroom and washed his hands. he returned with an ice pack for them both. gently he touched the dark black ring around her bicep. "Don't think I'm that rough with everyone. I swear I'm not this messed up all the time."

She looked up at him. "I don't think that. You did what you thought you needed to Doug. I just want to know how the hell he found out I was here. I don't want you thinking that I called him cause I didn't. If I had known that it was him on the other side of the door I would have never answered it."

Doug shook his head. "I know you didn't call him. There are only so many people that know we're here...Carter, Abby, Carol, Weaver, and Susan. I don't know how he found out. Truth is it doesn't really matter. Nothing we do now will change what happened. So much for starting over huh?"

"Yeah I guess so." She said snuggling into his side "Not quite what I had planned for today. So much for piece and quiet. Can we enjoy what's left of the day together or is that pretty much out of the question as well?" She was livid at Max for butting in where he didn't belong. But she wasn't going to tell Doug. She'd be damned if she was going to let her soon to be ex-husband create barriers between them. She rubbed her wrist.

Doug smiled and hugged her back. "Well, we're not going to do anything until you at least get an x-ray on that wrist. besides i really need to be there when the cops show up. i need to explain what happened."

"Okay Doug," she said, "I'm not going to argue with such a good looking doctor, but I am still not going to let them charge you for his stupidity. If I have to threaten to charge him myself I will."

Doug grinned. "Good looking huh? I'm glad you've recently had a head injury or id call psyche. Let's put it this way, i haven't had the most accident free week. vie injured my hand...twice now. gotten hit in the head...well twice now too haven't shaved in a day but hey! whatever turns you on?" Doug joked poking her in the sides. he was trying hard to lighten things up after such a dark afternoon. "i guess ill have to change my shirt when i get there, I'm all out of clothes." Doug put his coat back on Anna and grabbed his keys. "come on, lets go get ya checked out again."

Anna just nodded, "thanks a psych consult because I think you're sexy." She stood up so that she was eye level with him giving him a quick kiss, "you're something special." With that she walked out the front door towards his jeep.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Kerry was not happy. She had two police detectives in her ER looking for Doug. There was a doctor in trauma 2 claiming that Doug had assaulted him. She was frustrated that after all this and agreeing to bring Doug back onto her staff he would go and do something this stupid. He had some explaining that he was going to have to do when she saw him.

Doug followed Anna into the car and drove to County. He walked over to open the door for Anna. After he shut the door for her he put his head down by her ear. "Thanks for coming in. it'll make me feel better to know." He took Anna's hand and walked into the ER with her. He didn't want to sit around waiting all day for a simple x ray so he looked for someone he knew. He spotted Kerry standing in the hall outside trauma two. "Anna why don't you grab a seat." Doug said and walked over to Weaver. "Hey Kerry, I need a favor."

"I have been waiting for you to show up here Doug." Kerry said, "care to explain to me why you have been here only such a short time, I have a doctor from northwestern in my trauma room claiming that you have assaulted him and there are two detectives here wanting to ask you questions."

Doug turned his head to look into the trauma room and see Max on the bed. He scratched the back of his neck as he thought of an answer. He didn't like Kerry being so short with him so he was the same way back. "Well it's kind of personal Kerry, so yes I do mind telling you."

"Doug you do know that I am going to have to suspend you until this is sorted out." She said to him rather harshly.

Doug shot her a look and lowered his voice; he was getting very agitated with her. "No...I didn't know that. Look Kerry it's not like I just walked up a picked a fight with some random guy..." he glared at Max through the door. "I was protecting a friend. I know you have the power to overlook this."

Kerry took a deep breath, "a friend huh, is this the same friend I have had to pull string for earlier." Kerry said, "but yes I will overlook it Doug just take care of the situation before it escalates."

Doug let a grin slip onto his face. He knew he didn't have to explain anything any further. He sure as hell didn't want to discuss his love life with her either. "Thank you...Dr. Weaver." he said before turning to walk into trauma two. "I'm going to take care of it right now." He opened to door to find Max talking to the police. he grabbed Max's chart at the foot of the bed and looked at it.

Max about died when he watched Doug walk into the trauma room and pick up his chart. "What are you doing here?"

Doug was glad to see Max so afraid of him. Maybe he would think twice before messing with Anna again. "Oh don't you know? I'm a doctor here...in fact, it looks like you need to be transported to x ray." Doug walked over to undo the gurney breaks. "It just so happens that I think i can take care of that for you...that is if you're done here?"

Max looked at him, "you're nuts if you think that I am going anywhere with you." The detectives looked at Doug. "Yeah you can take him down to x-ray; we want to talk with his wife anyway."

Doug tried to keep the evil grin off his face. "Yeah good, actually I believe she's in chair's waiting to have her arm examined. Potential fracture." Doug gave Max a fake smile as he grabbed his gurney and pulled him out the door. "Hi I'm Dr. Ross. It looks like I'll be your physician for today. Any complaints can be placed in the tiny box at the front desk..." He loved being sarcastic and scaring Max at the same time. He pulled the gurney into the elevator and waited for the doors to close.

"Haven't you had enough fun for today?" Max said looking at him. "I will get my wife back."

Doug rolled his eyes. "Man I had nothing to do with Anna wanting to be rid of you. She made that choice all on her own." Doug slid around from the foot of the gurney up to the head of the bed. "And as for having fun...Boy if you don't leave her alone..." Doug leaned over him as he spoke. "And I mean not even talk to her. You're going to wish you'd stayed in Philly. And that's a promise." Doug backed off as the elevator door opened and he pushed Max out. He brought the gurney over to the x ray tech and gave him the chart. "Have a good time buddy." he said to Max slapping him hard on the chest. "I'll be back."

Anna recanted the story to the two police detectives. She let them take pictures of the busies and her arms and legs. When they were done she sat back down in chairs waiting for Doug. She didn't know where he had gone after talking with Kerry. She adjusted the ice on her wrist. As she curled her long legs under her.

Doug walked back down to the ER to find Anna sitting in chairs where he had left her. He sat down next to her and looked at her arm. "Anyone take a look at that yet?" he asked. Doug looked around and didn't see the officers that had been there when he had left. "What happened to all the cops? I could have sworn they would want to talk to me."

"No," she said, "they turned me into a photographed guinea pig and then they left said that they would be contacting me if they needed anything else." She said. "Where did you go?"

Doug bit his lip. He didn't want Anna to know he had been threatening Max. "Nowhere" he lied. "Come on" he said standing up and holding out his hand. "Let me take you to curtain one and check you out."

She uncurled out of the chair as she took his hand, "okay."

Doug walked with her into an exam room instead and handed her a gown. "Why don't you put this on." he said turning around to give her a little privacy. "I want to do a little work up." Doug didn't know if anything had happened before he had gotten there that Anna didn't want to tell him about. Because of the way Max had acted in the elevator he just wanted to make sure.

She slipped into the gown, "Okay, you can turn around now." She said sliding onto the gurney.

Doug grabbed some gloves and a chart and turned around. He sat down on a stool and scooted forward. "Ok first and foremost let's see that wrist." he said reaching for her arm. "squeeze my fingers" while Anna was concentrating on her hand Doug took a look at the rest of her. He noticed some bruises on her upper and lower legs that he hadn't seen before. "How'd you get those?" he asked softly.

She looked down at him yet away from his eyes. "Max." Her voice was soft.

Doug tried hard not to look like he was feeling. He rolled down to the end of the gurney leaving her hand alone for the moment. "Ummm" he said looking at her legs more closely. he almost hoped they were from being kicked and not something worse. the question hurt too much to ask so he went around the it. "what he grabbed your leg? kicked you..."

She looked at him, "I had just come down from the shower, when there was a knock at the door, I opened it he was there, I tried to shut the door but he pushed his way in, yelling and screaming at me. We fought. I fell over the coffee table onto the floor," she didn't want to tell him everything.

Doug tried not to rock back and forth. the way Anna was acting was making him nervous. he felt like she was lying to him. "Anna...there are bruises up by your thighs...coffee tables rant that high." he wanted to know what happened but he didn't want to push her away. he rolled back over to her side and gently push down on her abdomen. "this hurt?"

She shook her head, "No it doesn't. I didn't let him Doug, I didn't. That's when he flipped. All he did was throw punches and scream. He was pulling me out the door said we needed to leave, to go home when you got there."

Doug nodded. He wanted to believe her so much but something was pulling at him. "Anna...is that all that happened. If you don't want to tell me I'll get Kerry to come in or something." he took a breath and calmed his voice a little. He didn't want to scare her. "As your doctor i need to make sure all of you is ok. and as your friend i need to take care of it if you're not."

"That's what happened." She said quietly to him, "I have no reason not to tell you the truth. He tried but he didn't. That's where the bruises came from."

Doug looked her in the eye. He was already twice as mad that Max had tried to do something like that...if he had Doug would have really killed him. After examining her wrist a little more he finally spoke again. "You have pretty good movement. I don't think there is a fracture and with all that swelling we wont be able to tell with an x ray today anyways. Ill write you a script for an anti inflammatory." he scooted back and went to leave. "you can get dressed. ill be in the lounge when you're done." Doug slipped outside and signed off on Anna's chart. He looked to see when he was working tomorrow and noticed his name wasn't on the list. Doug quickly went to find Weaver. "Hey Kerry, is there any way you can take that guy Max? I need to take Anna back home. and by the way...i thought you said i wasn't suspended...I'm not on the sheet to work tomorrow."

"Doug are you complaining about having days off?" She asked looking up at him. "You're not suspended, Carter, Luka, Susan and I are working tomorrow, and you're on the day after tomorrow at 7 am."

Doug nodded, "yeah sorry. Thanks Kerry, it's just one of those days you know?" he walked back and grabbed what little he had brought and stood outside of the exam room waiting for Anna to come out.

Anna got dressed and walked outside. "Hey there."

Doug wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Let's go..." He walked with her outside and back to his jeep. after they both got in Doug turned to her. "man we both need apartments. are we going back to carters?"

Anna shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, I have to find someplace. But I haven't gotten a chance to look. I have to get my stuff from what's left of my car before I can rent anything. Everything but my ER badge was in there."

"You know i can always help you out with money." Doug said starting the car. "Hey if you don't want to go back to carters and hang with another guy i fully understand. i can call Abby or Susan. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to spend time with you."

She just shook her head and smiled, "don't we have a date for a basketball game?"

Doug smiled and sent the car in reverse. "Yeah, you're right." he kept pretty quiet going back to the house. when they got in Doug looked at his watch. "thirty minutes to tip off. have any ideas how we could kill half an hour?"

"Nothing really pops to mind." She said to him, "and don't worry Doug it's not money I need from my car. I have some saved up, waiting for this to happen. And I'm sure that I will be able to go back to work soon."

Doug nodded. "I hope so...i need at least one person on my side in the ER." Doug scrunched up his face for a moment. "You don't have any ideas huh? well i do..." He went and picked Anna up again and carried her over to the couch. " How about a back rub then a nice bubble bath...ill make some popcorn and we can watch the bulls loose."

"Now that sounds like the royal treatment." She smiled, "back rub, bubble bath, and the bulls, what woman would turn that down."

Doug sat and down in front of the couch, between his knees and started to work on her neck. "Well apparently some...but it's ok. I haven't done this in awhile."

She closed her eyes letting her body relax and go limp, as Doug's hand worked the sore muscles of her neck. She let out a loan moan, "oh man does that feel good. I didn't realize that you had the magic touch." She paused for a minute, "I talked to Kerry about going back to work."

"Ummm. hidden talents baby." Doug said working out a knot by her shoulder. "what'd she say?"

"Oh god good hidden talents," She moaned, and then did her best Kerry imitation, "not until you have been cleared by Dr. Ross, and then you can only do triage for a few days."

Doug snickered at her imitation. "oh boy did i get in trouble when she saw me trying to imitate her one day...but yours was pretty good." he stopped rubbing her back and wrapped his arms around her. "i don't know if ill be able to let ya go. with you doing triage i wont be able to see you." he looked at his watch. "if you're going for a bath you better head up. game starts in twenty minutes."

"Oh but that means I have to move." She said not sure if her legs were going to let her, Doug had turned her into putty. "Then tell her I am perfectly capable of doing traumas. " She said getting on her knees facing him. "Thank you for the neck rub." She stood up the rest of the way. She was now looking down at him. She placed a kiss on top of his head, "and I want that popcorn."

"Yes ma'am" Doug said watching her stand up and walk away. "Hey if you fall in and need a lifeguard give me a shout. otherwise popcorn will be ready soon."

Anna walked up the stairs laughing. Fall in, yeah right. She walked in to the bathroom and ran the hot water into the tub. She undressed and climbed in soaking in the hot water felt good against her battered body. Things were really not going well today. She closed her eyes as she sank further down into the tub avoiding getting her head all the way wet. She propped her legs up and drifted off.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Doug sat downstairs until the game started. he had changed into his bull's jersey and had made a bowl of popcorn but Anna still hadn't come down. he couldn't believe that it took her that long to take a bath. he walked up the stairs and put his ear to her door. he didn't hear anything so he opened it. the door to the bathroom was closed as well except for a small crack. all he saw was a mound of bubbles. Doug waited a second then gently knocked a few times. "You ok?"

Anna was startled hearing Doug's voice outside the bathroom door, "Ahh," as screamed as she jumped splashing in the water in the tub.

Anna's yell threw Doug off balance as he went to jump backwards. He accidentally kicked the door hinge with his toe. "Ahh Damn!" he yelled. he quickly shifted his weight off of his hurt foot in order to stay upright but it was too late...his momentum was already bringing him backwards into the slightly opened door. Doug fell through the door and quickly slapped his free hand over his eyes as he hit the ground.

Anna leaned over the edge of the tub looking at Doug laying on the ground in the bathroom, "you scared me." She said She felt bad that he had fallen and was now laying there; she tried to keep back the snickers, "keep your eyes closed, but are you hurt?" She asked grabbing and wrapping the towel that was laying by the tub around her. She knelt down next to him.

Doug kept his hand glued over his eyes. now doing it only for effect he relaxed his legs and let a smile creep on his face. "Terribly sorry to intrude..." he now started to laugh. I cant believe I fell through the door."

Anna reached behind her dipping her hand in the tub and throwing it at him bubbles and all, she was grinning now, "are you now, huh, huh?"

"Oh...you're going to get it now." Doug got up on his knees with his eyes pinched shut reaching out to find her. "Marco...Marco..."

Anna was having fits of uncontrollable laughter. She hadn't had this much fun since she was little. She dipped both hands into the tub, and flung it at him. "take that, and that," she said as she scooted back away from him.

Doug, now knowing where she was lunged out and grabbed her. he was now fairly wet and laughing as well. "you evil woman, taking advantage of the fact that i cant open my eyes. but he...i got you now!"

Anna let out shrieks of laughter, as she wiggled under him, "yes you do. You're the one who had your eyes all covered when you came falling in here."

Doug got closer to her to stop her from moving. "Does that mean i can open them then?"

She watched him move closer she was between him and the wall. "yes."

Doug opened his eyes to look Anna in the face. He knew she was only in a towel. he just wanted to be a tease. he leaned forward and gave her a kiss. "get dressed. the bulls are getting their butts kicked."

Anna walked into the bedroom, "oh he's a little tease." She said leaving the wide open knowing that he would have to walk by; two can play at the game. She let the towel fall to the ground as she heard his footsteps. And reached for the clothes she had laying on the bed.

Doug, falling perfectly into her trap, he walked in the room and saw Anna and immediately spun on his heels turning his back to her. He could feel the blush going to his face as he scratched his head nervously. "Ahh that's not fair."

"Oh it's not now." She said pulling her shirt over head; it was oversized so it fell almost to her knees. She walked over up behind him running her hand down his arm as she went to slip by him.

Doug shivered when she touched him. "You..." he said pointing at her and searching for words. Evil...evil woman." he knew by now his face must be bright red.

"You could not get any redder in the face could you?" She said as she moved her hand running it down his chest, "well so be it then, but there's a bull's game on." And she bounced off down the stairs and flopped down on the couch with the bowl of popcorn.

Doug stood there for a long time with his mouth hanging open. he couldn't believe she had just done that to him. Slowly he made his way down the stairs. He came up behind her and grabbed the bowl of popcorn from her lap and brought it with him to the chair on the other side of the room. "mine now."

She looked at him sitting there grinning. She got up and crossed the room, kneeling in front of him, she looked up at him, her hands resting on his knees, she faked a pout, and "you call me an evil woman and then steal my popcorn."

Doug picked up a piece and threw it at her letting it bounce off her head. "Well all women are evil." he said grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it in his mouth. "and I'm bigger than you so i can do what i want." Doug plainly pretended to look past her to see the TV.

"Oh is that so." She said smiling. She sat down on his lap, "well you know us evil women have wily charms that we use on men." She ran her fingers down the side of his face and down his chest. Knowing that she had distracted him she grabbed the popcorn bowl and ran back to the couch holding tightly onto her prize.

Doug was up and after her in a heartbeat. He dove on the couch and started to tickle her sides. "How you gunna get out of this one?"

"Oh god," she laughed, "you brat." She could feel his weight on top of her. But she couldn't stop laughing as he was tickling her. She reached up and pulled him down so that he was right there and kissed him.

Doug stopped tickling her and kissed her back. "Brat huh." he whispered in her ear before kissing her neck. "here you are getting massages and bubble baths..." he gave her another kiss. free popcorn...and a very attractive date...and you're throwing out insults?" Doug laid fully on top of her so he knew she couldn't move and poked her once in her side to make her jump before kissing her. "well i guess I'll just leave then."

Anna wrapped her arms behind his neck and her legs over the top of him, "leave, and no." She whispered, "you are absolutely wonderful." Her skin was tingling from where he had kissed her.

Doug kissed her again and leaned up on his elbows. "So what number date would you consider this exactly?"

Anna laughed, "oh I'd have to say it's at least our third one." She said looking up at him, "why?"

Doug blushed again. "You're going to make me work for this one huh?" the grin slowly slipped off his face. Doug was scared; it had been a long time since he had been in a dating position like this. he shifted his weight and fidgeted with her hair. "I-I just didn't know what your dating policy was is all."

Anna blushed, "oh," she breathed in, "my dating policy." Dating that was a word that she hadn't heard or even thought of in a long time. She wasn't sure what to say now; she pulled him back towards her, locking her eyes with his, "yes."

Doug's heart raced. He went to kiss her again but let his head slip beside hers to rest on the couch. He took in a deep breath to try and compose himself. "Second thought...maybe this isn't such a good idea." Doug brought his head up to look her in the face. "i mean...i.e. don't want to hurt you." he sighed again. "i don't want to get hurt."

"I'm scared too Doug." She said, "it's been a long time since I've done this, but you are not going to hurt me. What we do or don't do isn't going to change my feelings about you."

Doug couldn't look at her. He knew what she wanted and he couldn't believe he was chickening out. He winced as he sat up and scooted over to the far side of the couch. he dropped his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So how bout those bulls." he said grabbing the remote and turning the TV up.

"Yeah the bulls." She said focusing her eyes on the TV. "I'm getting a drink do you want anything?" She crossed the room headed for the kitchen. Anna saw the charts sitting on the table by the door and she scooped them up. She grabbed a glass of water and sat down at the counter. She flipped open the chart looking at it as she started to sing to herself, "all day staring at the ceiling making friends with the shadows on my wall, all night hearing voices telling me I should get some sleep cause tomorrow might be gone. Something hold on feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown and I don't know why, I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell, stick around a little while and you will see a softer side of me."

Doug wanted to kill himself for not acting on what he wanted to do. He had only ever been truly afraid of three things in his whole life: being alone was number one. He watched the Sixes sink another three point shot against the Bulls and turned the TV off. He walked into the kitchen to look for a drink when he heard Anna singing and smiled. She was the only thing that made him smile lately. Gee grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and sat down at the table. After drinking a small glass he looked back up at Anna, his eyes caught the bruises on her body. "You know I could have killed Max today for what he did to you. Looking at it now I almost think I should have. I would have served a lifetime in jail and never felt bad about it."

"Do you know that you are the first person that ever stopped him?" She said, "if I could have gotten to that car I would have killed him myself. There's a loaded 9 mm in the glove box. If you want to know if I care, the answer is no. I didn't pull you off him sooner because if felt good knowing that someone was doing to him what he had just done to me."

Doug knocked back another glass. He played with the edges of the glass as he listened to Anna talk. There was silence between them for a moment until Doug spoke again. "I ever tell you my dad use to beat my mom and me? What a real class act he was. You know I must have met a thousand people who can't relate to that. And on the rare occasions I do they either don't want to be helped or they do... and once that person leaves their life they're not the same. They're never happy. And I'm not saying that's you, because you seem pretty happy...oh hell I don't know what I'm saying." Doug drummed his fingers on the table while he thought. "I just don't think you know what you're getting into... with me."

"Don't you think you should let me decide that for myself?" She said grabbing his bottle and tossed it back. "If I didn't want this I wouldn't be here. I'm happy Doug and it's you that makes me happy."

"I know." he said flatly. "Look, you're going to think this is dumb but...you should probably know so here it goes: The reason I'm having a hard time with...us isn't just because of Carol. She said something to me that I'm, I'm afraid is coming true. She told me that I better be careful, because I'm Turing into my father." He looked at his glass again. Even though it didn't have anything left in it Doug held it like there was. "Lately when vie been with you that's what vie been thinking about. How bad it would be for you to move from on bad relationship into another, and i cant promise that wont happen." he stood up and took the bottle from her and walked into the living room.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Part of her wanted to get up and follow him, part of her told her to stay put. She slammed the chart shut. And walked into the living room. "What do you want me to do Doug? No one can make promises on the future." She said. "But I am not going to pass up that opportunity because I got knocked around by someone who supposedly loved me. I'm going upstairs. You can sit down here and stew, and think that what Carol yelled in a moment of anger is really true, or you can come upstairs. Either way, the man I see before me, isn't that kind of person." She walked up the stairs into the bedroom. She didn't close the door but instead curled up in the bay window staring at the stars.

Doug rubbed his face as she walked upstairs. "He knew she was right. It was easier for him to feel sorry for himself then deal with it at the moment however. He walked into the kitchen and put away the alcohol. after little debating he headed to the stairs. he had indented to go to his room and go to sleep but when he saw Anna sitting in her window something drew him in. he walked over and looked at the snow and stars. after a second his eyes drifted down to her. he held out his hand for her to take. even though there was no music he thought he'd ask, "Want to dance?"

She put her hand into his and stood up. "I'd love to dance."

Doug put her hands around his neck and rested his own on her back. He closed his eyes and whispered the song he was dancing to in his head. "and this thing they call our time heard a brilliant woman say she said you know it's crazy how I want to capture mine I think I love this woman's way I think I love this woman. the way she shimmers, the way she shines the way she radiates the way she lives, the way she loves the way she never hates." he pulled her back to look in her eyes. "How about we go back about an hour ago...both on the couch...kind of like this." he said giving her a kiss. "what do you say?"

Anna's heart fluttered skipping a beat. She held his eyes with her own. "I'd like that." As she brought her lips back up to his.

Doug held onto her as he back up slowly towards the bed. He closed his eyes and let go of his fears. He felt safe with Anna. If it turned out to be a mistake they would deal with it later. but right now, being with her felt right. He laid down and kept them both from waiting any longer.

Doug held Anna in his arms and kissed the back of her neck. He smiled thinking of what just happened. "You ok?"

"I'm better than okay." She whispered, "you do have a lot of hidden talents." Anna felt safe and secure in his arms. She hoped that when she woke up tomorrow this wouldn't all be a dream. That he would somehow change his mind as see her in the same light Max had. She shook the bad thoughts from her mind. "Are you okay?"

Doug squeezed Anna closer. "I will be." He put his head next to hers on the pillow and closed his eyes. It wasn't very late, and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he decided to lie still until he was sure that Anna had. The night seemed perfect to him...but they all had before her too. He just hoped it would stay that way.

"Okay," she yawned and closed her eyes. The warmth of being next to him, the exhaustion from being with him taking a hold of her. She squeezed his hand as she drifted off to sleep.

Kerry was getting slammed in the ER. There had been a 50 car pile of up on the Kennedy and County was getting most of the casualties from it. She picked up the phone, dialed Doug's pager and proceeded the proceeded to call in the rest of her docs.

Doug grabbed his beeper on its first sound. He looked at the message and sighed. He sat up and looked at Anna. She was still sound asleep and he hoped she would be until he left. He quietly got up and dressed. Before he went downstairs he stuck his head back in her room to look at her once more. he closed her door and headed off the county. Doug walked through the doors and saw everyone running around. He threw his stuff in admit and put on a trauma gown. He walked around the corner and stuck his head into trauma two. "hey Kerry where do you need me?"

Kerry had her hands busy, trying to restart this kid's heart. "Next door," She said, "we have ten critical right now there are more on the way. Dispatcher's never listen when you tell them you can only take three." She said as she started internal cardiac massage.

Doug walked over to the next room. His listened to the paramedics bullet again. It was a fifteen year old with blunt force trauma and massive internal bleeding. Doug was too shirt handed. He yelled through the door to Kerry. "Hey! I need some help! Where are Abby, Susan and Carter?"

Kerry looked up, "Susan is at the scene, and I have no idea where Carter is." She yelled back as she prepared to transport her patient upstairs. She spotted Abby, "Doug needs you in one now." Kerry snapped.

Abby walked into the trauma room, "Weaver said you needed me?"

Doug looked over his shoulder to see Abby. "Yeah i need you to start a second line here." Doug Was about to intubate the kid when he started to crash. "Ahh man. we need to crack him...Abby hand me a scalpel had come bag this kid! Come on, lets move!"

Susan was on the freeway helping the paramedics. "This is the last one." she said to them. "Take him to county, ill ride with you!" Susan got in the ambulance and rode to the hospital with them. once they got there she directed the gurney into the hospital but couldn't find a room. "Kerry what am i supposed to do with this guy! he's crashing!"

Abby got another line started and then began to bag the kid. As she reached over handing Doug the scalpel. "Lost a pulse. BP's down to nothing." She said.

Kerry pushed the door open to trauma two, "Pratt move you patient into the hall." She said, "In here Susan."

Romano's pager was beeping like crazy. He walked into the zoo in the ER. He pulled on his gown as he walked into trauma one where Doug was cracking a kids chest. "Paging surgeons well, it looks like I got here just in time. Looks its County's very own ER cowboy, didn't think I'd ever see you on my staff again, back to inflict more damage here Dr. Ross?"

Anna awoke to the sound of her annoying cell phone ringing. She stumbled out of bed to try to find it. "Dr. Del Amico," she said listening to the voice on the other end. "Isn't there someone else?" She paused listening to the response. "Okay, Okay I will be there in 15." She said searching for her clothes. She went downstairs, she didn't see Doug anywhere in the house and she had no idea where he had gone. She ran back upstairs and grabbed the only set of keys that she had on her. "Ah thank god." She said picking up her lab coat, tucking her cell phone and pager inside the pockets She never should have let Max talk her into moonlighting. Doug would probably have her head for this. She scribbled a note leaving it on the table, be back soon, I'm at Northwestern. ----Anna. Then she headed outside where she proceeded to hotwire her husband's car. Thank god for brothers. She thought as she pulled out and headed towards Northwestern to help cover in their pediatric ER.

Doug shot Romano a glance. "hey I'm trying to save this kids life...want to do something too?" Doug looked up at the heart monitor. no pulse. "Abby charge the paddles to 200..."

Susan moved her patient into the exam room Pratt was in. "Ok Mr. Levine you're going to be just fine..." just as Susan said that the man began to spit up large amounts of blood and passed out. Susan went to grab an intubation tray. "I need some help in..." she looked around the hospital. everyone was busy and for the most part by themselves. "This is a law suite waiting to happen." she said to herself. She walked back into her room and tried to get an airway.

Romano threw himself into the mix, after they got the patient stable enough to transport he made another snide remark, after all that's what he did best, "all right people let's get him upstairs so the real doctors can do their work."

Abby watched them take the patient and ran next door to help out Susan. "What you need?" She asked as she watched Susan trying to save a patient by herself.

Doug rolled his eyes at Romano. He was just glad he had been able to save the kid. He walked into Weaver's room. She was still working on the man's heart. "You got it or do you need some help?"

Susan removed her bloody gloves. She had tried to release the blood around the man's heart but it was too little too late while she was by herself. "Just a body bag." she sighed. "His family is out in the hall. They followed the ambulance, I need to go take care if it."

"I've got it." She said as the man's rhythm returned. "He's good to go upstairs as soon as there's an OR available. You can go. I think Susan, Luka and I can handle the rest of this."

Abby looked up at Susan. "I'll clean him up, you did the best you could Susan." She said to her.

Doug ripped off his gloves. "Hey, I'm here for you." he said to her. "If you guys get backed up later let me know. I'd be glad to help again. Otherwise...I'll see you tomorrow!"

"I will Doug, thanks. You're a good doctor." She said, thinking for a minute, "consider your probation lifted, a little extra for hauling your butt in here so late."

Susan smiled at Abby. She walked out of the room and turned around. "Abby where's Carter?" she stalled before going to talk to the man's wife. She hated telling families someone close to them had died. She had never been much good at it. She walked over and sat down next to his wife and tried to explain.

Abby had no idea where Carter was. She walked over to the phone and dialed his pager number; she hoped that he would page her back. Hopefully something didn't happen with the patient that he had to go with up to the CT scanner.

Doug grinned. "Thanks Kerry...I appreciate it." he gave her a wink and headed off to his car. It was still the middle of the night and Doug figured he could get back to sleep next to Anna without her even knowing he had left. He walked into carter's house and upstairs to find himself alone. His first thought was that Max had come back, but he knew he was still at County. He walked back out the door without seeing Anna's note on the counter. "Maybe she went to County?" he thought to himself. He didn't even have her cell phone number. He walked back into county to find Weaver. "hey has Anna come in here?"

Kerry looked up at him, "no she didn't Doug, and I thought that she would have been with you. Did you try her cell phone? The number's over there on the contact list." She said as she pointed towards the clipboard with all the doctor's contact numbers on it.

Doug nodded his head. "Yeah she was supposed to be." Doug walked over to find the number. he was more then a little upset. he dialed it into his phone and pressed send. a few seconds later he heard the ring and waited for her to pick up.

Anna felt her phone vibrating against her hip. She flipped open, "Dr. Del Amico."

Doug heard her voice. she sounded fine which relieved his worry but mad him mad that she left without telling him. "oh hey. it's dr. Doug Ross." he said sarcastically. "where in the hell are you?"

Anna got this feeling that she was in very hot water right now. She put her hand over the phone as a nurse started to talk to her, "Yeah gentamyacin, IV piggyback, no after that he can go up to 3."

Doug dropped his mouth open. He couldn't help but think he was getting blown off on the phone. "Hello! Anna I swear to God…"

"Sorry Doug," She said, "I had a patient who's orders I needed to clarify. I'm not ignoring you just hum well working." She stuttered.

Doug was shocked. "What! you were supposed to wait until I cleared you. I'm going to kill Weaver for calling you in too!"

"I'm not at County." She said, "I'm over at Northwestern right now. They called and asked me to come in to cover for one of their doctors." Oh god she was getting the feeling that he was livid. "I hotwired Max's car because I couldn't find you and drove."

Doug would have let her have it if she was standing in front of him. Instead he let the disappointment fall into his voice. "I see. So you basically disregarded my diagnosis as a doctor...scared the crap out of me as a friend, not only hotwired your soon-to-be ex-husbands car but drove it on the ice covered streets, at one in the morning mind you, and are now treating patients less than 36 hours after a massive head trauma!" he yelled and stopped for affect to let his words sink in. "that's just great Anna."

Oh god, she thought to herself as she listen to him. There was no way that she was going to explain herself out of this one. "No, I did not disregard your diagnosis as a doctor. I explained it to them, they didn't have anyone else. And yes I hotwired my soon to be ex husbands car. I know that it was one in the morning and the street are icy. Just how mad are you?" She covered the phone again with her hand, "no, page Morgan he's on now, I'm off."

'Just how mad am I?' Doug mouthed to himself. He took a breath to calm himself down. There was nothing he could do about it now, she was already there. "I'm not mad Anna. I was just worried about you..."

She scribbled her name on the chart. She didn't believe that he was worried, she knew he was mad, "I'm done here," she said to him, "I'm going to go see if I can get his car to start again and I'll be back at Carter's soon."

"Ahh no...i can come and..." Doug thought about it for a minute. she was a grown woman and northwestern wasn't exactly close to County. if she drove herself there she could drive herself back. "ok. see you at carter's then." Doug pinched his phone shut. he gave weaver a wave and headed back to the mansion.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Anna walked into the lounge and grabbed her stuff from her locker there. She then went down and managed to get the car started. She turned on the radio and drove back to Carter's. She saw Doug's jeep parked out front. She leaned down and pulled apart the wires turning off the car. She might as well go in and face the music. She opened up the front door. "I'm back." She called out.

Doug had gotten back to the mansion well before Anna. He had wanted to stay and wait up for her but he decided to change out of his clothes. the farthest he had gotten was taking off his shirt and shoes. he laid on the bed face down in his worn out jeans. he was sure if she came in he would hear her but he fell asleep and was clueless.

She glanced around the living room and didn't see him. So she headed upstairs. He was asleep on the bed half undressed. She debated on whether or not she should go anywhere near him. She walked over and kissed the top of his head as she pulled a blanket over him, "good night Doug."

Doug opened his eyes just time to see her walking out the door. "Hey" he said softly, forcing the sleep out of his eyes. "Get back here."

She stopped dead in her tracks and walked back over to the bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for the fall out.

Doug looked at her expression. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to yell at you." he took her hand and held it in his. "it's just, you shouldn't have done that...but you're ok and I'm glad." Doug rolled over on his back and pulled the covers all the way around him. "i owe you an apology anyway for leaving you. it sucks waking up alone...i bet you thought i left you huh?"

"No I didn't think that you had left." She said. "You're a doctor, we get up and leave in the middle of the night, it's part of our jobs as doctors, emergency physicians don't exactly work nine to five. But you're right I shouldn't have done that, and I owe you an apology. You stuck your neck out for me and I blew it off. You're probably tired, so I'll let you get some sleep."

Doug grinned. He knew he had done his job and made her feel bad. "Well it's not exactly an 'I'm sorry Doug' but I'll take it." he said grabbing her hand. "come here."

She scooted up onto the bed next to him, "I'm sorry Doug. I'm really sorry." Anna said softly to him, "I promise I won't do it again."

Doug reached up and gave her a kiss. "Ahh...i can't stay mad at you too long after i found out how compatible we were a few hours ago." he said giving her a wink. "Besides vie done much worse things...so where are we at here? sleep, breakfast, and auto class...what do you want to do?"

"I was going to grab a shower, I am sure I smell like baby puke." She said, "the entire reason I became a pediatrician." She said laughing, "nothing like changing scrubs four times in 30 minutes."

"Hey I'm with ya on that one...the changing scrubs not the shower." Doug watched her walk over to the bathroom. "hey Anna." he sad standing up. "you know how you asked me if i was ok?" he said coming over to her and taking her hand. "i wanted to change my answer... i am now."

She smiled at him, "you don't know how much I needed to hear that." She said softly as she leaned against him.

He gave his usual chuckle and dropped his head between the two of them. He sighed and kissed her forehead. "I'm going to get something to eat." he said backing up. "hey, don't get your hair wet, doctor's orders." he said with a wink.

She smiled at him as she let go of him and turned toward the bathroom, from the door she looked at him, "yeah no getting my hair wet. If you wouldn't mind making me a sandwich I'd love ya for it. I haven't had anything but some popcorn and two Twinkies."

Doug nodded. "Hey, I'm here for you." he closed the door behind him and walked downstairs to the kitchen. he made a couple of sandwiches and grabbed a beer. after turning the heat up in the house he went and sat on the couch and turned on ESPN to catch the highlights of the bull's game. He thought it was odd that the whole time he had been in the mansion with Anna neither Carter or Abby had come by but he didn't care much. the last thing he wanted was a speech from carter about his personal choices...but he did miss his daughters, and carol.

Anna slipped into the shower. She let the hot water run down her body. She couldn't help but wince when she hit the bruise on her arm. As she looked at it. She let the tears fall. At least in the shower no one could see or hear her crying. She was happy with Doug, but what Max had done to her hurt. She was determined not to let him know that. They had come some far and she was not going to let her problems set them back any further. She leaned forward to turn off the water as the spray from the shower hit her head. "Oh god damn it!" She yelled as she hit the wall of the shower with her fist. She grabbed a towel and cursed all the way across the hall to her bedroom. She now had a wet matted mess sitting on her head. She knew that she looked like a mutt from the pound. She pulled her jeans and a sweatshirt out of her bag. As she threw them on the bed and sat down next to them.

Doug struggled to keep his eyes open. He felt like every time he had to wait on Anna he fell asleep. he put his feet on the coffee table and stretched his back .ill just rest my eyes." he told himself as he let his head relax. as soon as his chin touched his chest he was out.

She threw her clothes on and recomposed herself. She looked in the mirror, "god this outta scare him." She pulled at the matted mess of gauze attached to her head. "that hurt." She said to herself, "I look like a bloody freak of nature." She headed down the stairs. She glanced into the living room. Doug was sleeping on the couch. She walked over and picked up the sandwich that was sitting on the plate. Food looked good; she pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered him up. Maybe it was better he didn't see her looking like she did right now. She kicked back and watched ESPN. Wow the bulls had gotten beaten bad by the sixers, but the highlights weren't that bad. She finished the sandwich. She knew that she should be tired, but her body had adjust well to the lack of sleep, after watching a couple of the half hour sports shows she thought about waking him up, but instead she found herself just looking at him. When she looked at him, she wasn't Carol and she knew it. He had to miss his children, he didn't have to say anything she knew how much he loved his girls. Did she have the right to break that up? She stood up and walked behind the couch, "night baby." She said to him as she headed off towards the kitchen with the plate.

Doug woke up at the sound of a buzzer on the TV. He looked around and didn't see Anna. 'Maybe she hadn't come down' he thought until he noticed the sandwiches were gone. He grinned looking at his watch. He had been asleep for several hours ad he knew that she had been sitting there with him. As he tried to get up he rubbed his stiff neck. "Ahh. I have to stop sleeping on the couch." he said out loud. He pulled the blanket off of him and shivered. He thought he had turned up the heat in the house, but with his shirt off it was still cold. He remained seated and looked around. He wondered where Anna had gone. He figured if she wanted to find him she would.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Anna washed up the dishes and watched the snow fall for a little bit. She grabbed her charts off the table and was headed upstairs when she glanced into the living room, "oh my!" She gasped out loud when she caught a glimpse of Doug sitting on the couch with out his shirt on.

"Ahh!" Doug shouted back sarcastically. "Bulls lost...got to hate those three point shots."

"Doug you are staring at a fuzzy TV." She said not able to take her eyes off him, "the highlights ended hours ago." She paused, the accident in the shower her head, her hair, oh god she looked like a freak still and she didn't scare him. "Oh god do I really look that bad." She brought her hands charts and all up over her head about ready to die of embarrassment, "Sorry sorry."

Doug smiled. She was right about her hair but he wouldn't let her know it. "Oh come on look at mine!" he said putting a hand on his parted hair. "you know i put some gel in it and it dried all..." Doug moved his hand around looking for words and trying to act as flustered as she was. "what are you doing?"

"I'm turning red," She said not coming out from behind her charts. "I kind of screwed up in the shower and now I look like some freak of nature. God probably as bad as something a fluffy would throw up."

Doug rolled his eyes. "Well i never had a cat growing up but. what are you doing with charts at...?" Doug looked at his watch. "four in the morning? oh man, how long did it take you to take a shower?"

"I've been out of the shower for awhile now and I couldn't get to sleep so I did the dishes and worked on some charts, I was heading upstairs to finish these trying not to wake you up. But when I came thru and...well...uh...I...you...oh god."

Doug smiled and nodded. she was so goofy. "didn't we work out all this nervousness? i think you've seen more than me with my shirt off..." Doug moved his head to turn around and it gave off a loud pop. "Ohhh i felt that one." he said grabbing his neck and falling back behind the couch so Anna could no longer see him.

She dropped her charts down when she heard the pop. He wasn't on the couch and she couldn't see him. "Doug," she ran towards the couch panic filled her, "Doug, where did you go?"

Doug was laughing when he saw how worried she was. "Wow i should win an academy award for that one..." he joked sitting up."but my neck really does hurt. maybe i should see a chiropractor huh?" he turned and looked at her. "why are you always so worried about me? I'm not going to break."

"With your body making that kind of sound I don't know about that." She said. "Why do you worry about me?" She ran her hands through he tangle and matted hair.

Doug stood up to be face to face with her. "Not another serious conversation please...i don't think i can take much more. besides you know why i worry about you."

She looked at him, her hands on her hips "I don't want to have a serious conversation with you. There are plenty of other things that I would rather be doing than that."

Doug sighed. "Then don't look at me like you do..." he let his head drop down and snap back up as soon as the second half of what she said registered. "What other things?"

She smiled, "what other things, well let's see Doug, I'd rather finish my charts than have another serious conversation with you. But what I'd rather be going more is this I'd rather been snuggled in your arms, I'd rather be feeling the way your kisses make my head spin, and how your touch takes me breath away. I'd rather been curled up exhausted next to your sweaty naked body...do I need to go on?"

Doug tried his hardest to keep a straight face, but a huge grin crept on anyway. "Well...if charts were the first things to come to your mind then you should do them..." oh joked."personally, i am going to get some bourbon...go upstairs...and sit in my bed all alone because my girlfriend is hard at work." he put a fake pout on his face and shuffled away. "all alone...all by myself..." he grabbed a drink and walked past her up the stairs."But maybe she'll find me when she's bored." Doug smiled because he knew he had gotten her. He headed up the stairs and into his room.

She bent down and picked the charts up off the floor. Her headache was starting to come back as she set them on the coffee table. His words sinking in. His girlfriend hard at work. She stood there for a minute waiting for the room to come back into focus. It was the second time today that she felt like she was about to black out. She walked up the stairs and stood in his doorway leaning against the doorframe. "My charts can wait. I think something much more important has come up." She smiled at him playfully as she slowly staggered across the room until she was standing in front of him; she took the bourbon glass from his hand and set it on the nightstand, "besides I don't think that my boyfriend is going to let me work anyway." She gently pushed him back on the bed and attempted to ignore her headache and the dizziness that was setting in. She pushed the fact that she was recovering from a head injury out of her mind. "You see He is this really incredibly sexy ER doc that I know." Anna moved over him so that he was pinned down on the bed, "who's touch," she ran her hands down his chest, "and who's kisses," she kissed the top of his forehead. The dull pounding that had been in her head all day was getting worse. It felt now like someone was hitting her with a hammer over and over again. She gently shook her head trying to shake it off, hoping that he wouldn't notice that he would be to wrapped up in her sitting there trying to be seductive. He worried about her more than she wanted to let anyone worry about her." I can't get enough of."

Doug smiled as she got on top of him. He thought something was slightly off with her...as cute as she was. But he knew that he must have asked her if she was ok about a thousand times. he trusted that if she wasn't she would let him know. he freed his hand and pulled her down to give her a kiss. quickly he pushed her over and switched places, pinning both of her arms above her head. he could barely see her face. she was smiling but something just seemed off. instead of asking her he just hesitated before he did anything else.

The room spun a little faster when Doug flipped her over. She felt the bed under her back and her hands above her head. She glanced up at him thru her hair," Could you hold still please."

Doug stopped moving. he let her hands go but stayed where he was. "yeah sure" he said looking down at her. he brushed the hair away from her face and fought back his concern for her. after a moment he decided he had to ask. "is something wrong?"

"You're still moving." She said looking at him. She tried to focus in on him, but rather closed her eyes. She knew that she couldn't hide it from him anymore, not if she wanted to. It was as if someone had set off an explosion inside her brain. She brought her hands up to her head. "Oh god my head."

Doug jumped to his feet and turned on the lights. he rushed back over to her skidding on his knees. "Anna come sit on the ground." he said picking her up and laying her on the floor. "just close your eyes" he said calmly, trying to mask his fear. he ran his fingers through her hair and sat on the floor next to her. "you take your medicine...when did you start feeling bad...i wish you would have told me." he winced as he heard himself talk. he must sound more frightened then she was. he took a breath and composed himself. in a much softer and soothing voice he finally spoke again. "you want me to take you to the hospital?"

She didn't bring her hands down from her head, "earlier today. It hurts." She was fighting back the urge to cry from the pain. "meds took them, I almost passed out twice. Oh god make it stop make it stop."

"Alright" Doug said getting up at a run. She was worse off then he had though. "I cant believe i missed the signs" he said to himself as he looked for her medication. "god Doug what's wrong with you?" he finally found her script in her room and grabbed a glass of water she must have used the night before. he came back and sat her up so she could lean against him. "here take this." he said putting the pills in her mouth and pressing the glass to her teeth. with her in front on him he took the opportunity to look at her head. there was a little bleeding since she had taken off her bandage early. he put his hand on her forehead to keep her still. "I got ya."

Anna struggled to swallow them, she opened her eyes to see what she was doing, and her head was still pounding. "There, there are two of you." She stammered, as she let her eyes flutter shut to sleep.

Doug shook her shoulder after she stopped talking. "Anna...Anna come on wake up!" when she didn't he laid her down and grabbed the phone. "Hello, 9-1-1. i need an ambulance right away."


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Kerry got the dispatch that was coming across the wire from the medics. She walked outside to meet them when they got there all she knew was it was a 30 something white female unconscious.

Doug jumped out of the ambulance behind the paramedics. he was freezing without a shirt or shoes on but he didn't even think about it. he saw Kerry and heard the paramedics give her the bullet. he followed them into the trauma room and went to grab some gloves. "ok...someone get me a stethoscope...umm get ready with an intubation tube and some saline. come on people let's move!"

A tall man approached Kerry as she stood in the bay. "Do you know where I am to find Kerry Weaver? I am the moonlighter, Luka Kovac."

Abby grabbed the tall man's arm as she watched Kerry run inside, "that's her but she just had a trauma come in."

"Doug," Kerry said looking up at him as she started to assess Anna's condition. "Are you sure you should be doing that?"

Luka looked at the little brunette beside him, is there somewhere I should wait?" he asked.

Doug snapped his head at her. "what the hell Kerry? I'm still a damn doctor here aren't i?" he looked around the room. everyone was staring at him. "i need a line in her. come on people!"

"Uh yeah I suppose you could wait in chairs." Abby said to him. "I'm Abby Lockhart and you are?"

Kerry looked up at Doug, "Yeah you are still a doctor here Doug," She said looking at him, "oh hell Doug, I want you out of my trauma room if you are even remotely involved with her."

"I am very pleased to meet you, Abby." Luka said, "I am Luka Kovac, the hospital's newest moonlighter."

And it appears that you are not a minute to late, if you come with me, I'll show you were the lounge is." She said motioning towards the doors, 'welcome to Cook County General Dr. Kovac."

"Thank You, I am pleased to be here," Luka said, as he was almost run over by a gurney. "I think."

"It's a little hectic here tonight." She said. "Sorry Dr. Weaver didn't have time to talk to you, but that was a member of her staff that was just brought in."

Doug looked at Kerry for a second. He was unbelievably mad at her. It seemed like she was questioning his judgment both in and outside of the hospital. "You know what, FINE!" he yelled brushing past her. He stormed out of the trauma room and headed for the lounge. He smacked open the door to find Abby and someone he had never seen. his teeth rattled together from the cold and his nerves. He struggled to get some words out to her. "Might want to...help out."

Abby looked at Doug, "That bad huh." She said as she headed out of the lounge.

Kerry had her hands full trying to figure out what had happened to Anna. She felt bad kicking Doug out of the trauma but it was for his own good. She watched Abby walk in. "She's stable to take up to CT. We will know more then." She snapped her gloves off as Abby told her that there was a moonlighter waiting for her in the lounge. She walked in and came face to face with him and Doug in the lounge. "Doug." She said acknowledging him, "Dr. Kovac I presume."

Doug glared at Kerry and slipped past her without a word. He bumped into Abby in the hallway. "hey Abby?" he said in a weak voice. he folded his arms across his chest. it was the first time he had realized how he looked. "you think you could get me a shirt? I'm a little cold."

"Yeah sure," She said as she stepped into the supply closet, "sorry it's just a scrub top but that's all I have." She said, "Anna's on her way up to CT." She said knowing that he had to be worried, "her contact sheet has her husband listed, and I was just on my way up to 7 wests to tell him that she is here."

Doug threw the shirt on over his head. He rubbed his eyes. He had forgotten about Max. "You probably shouldn't do that..." he said. he didn't really feel like getting into details with Abby about it all, but he needed to tell her enough so she would listen to him. "they had a fight yesterday. he kind of roughed her up a little bit. could you just tell me if anything new happens? its not like I'm going anywhere."

"Oh okay, yeah." She said walking away. She went upstairs to CT to retrieve her patient. After a few minutes she pushed her into an exam room, and went to find Doug with the CT scans in her hands. Weaver was still busy and she wanted a doc to look them over. "Hey Doug." She said when she found him asleep on a gurney in the suture room. "Sorry to wake you up. But you should be used to it. I have some CT results here and Weaver is busy with Kovac you want to look at them or do you want me to wait for Weaver?"

"You presume correctly." Luka said politely. "And I have been told you are the Dr. Weaver I am to speak to."

"That would be me." She said, "sorry about earlier, it's been a hectic day, and I am short handed with another doctor down now. But there's no need to keep you sitting in here now is there. I'll show you around and you can get started, assuming of course that you are here for the day shift."

"That was my intention," Luka said, "And I understand it was a member of your staff that was brought in.

I know how difficult it is to work on someone you know.

Kerry sighed, "yes she's a bright young pediatrician." She said as she headed towards the door, "the other doctor that was in here was Doug Ross, he's also a pediatrician, and both doctors are double boarded. Normally there are more attending on during a shift, but right now I'm down a few and your help is appreciated." Kerry stopped to make sure that he was following her before she proceeded. "Admit is over there we have a doc working triage, usually a med student, you will be teaching here and we have to watch them carefully."

"I enjoy teaching," Luka told her sincerely, "but I don't often get the chance."

"You'll have plenty of chances." Kerry said, "the board is here, same drill as every place, if you take a patient make sure you initial it. Charts are here; try to see them in order, nursing orders here, and discharges over there." Kerry said she knew she was going fast, but it couldn't be helped, "We have 2 trauma rooms, the exam rooms are down the hall and curtains is over there. Phone numbers are listed by the phone for whatever extensions you might need, if you don't' see it ask a nurse, they have them memorized." She said continuing, "any questions?"

"No Ma'am," Luka said, as he pulled the first chart in the rack out.

"If you get into trouble just yell." She said, "I'm on for another three hours and possible then some depending on what happens. Dr. Carter is around here somewhere as well as Dr. Susan Lewis." Kerry knew that she owed Doug and apology and should find him now that things had settled down.

"I should be fine. But I know how to ask for help if needed," Luka said, heading toward his first patient.

Doug woke with a start. "No, and let me see" he said walking out of the suture room into the hallway to find a better light. he looked at the scans. "just some swelling" he said as he rubbed his eyes. "she shouldn't have left so early...tell Kerry it's my fault. have Anna admitted." he handed the CT back to Abby. he could only imagine what first impression he had made of himself to her. "hey" he said softly. "i didn't mean to yell at you the other day...thanks for getting me."

"Yeah okay and Doug it's okay you're under a lot of stress." Abby held out Anna's chart to him, "you have any orders for her before I ship her upstairs? I think they have a spot for her up on 7."

Kerry saw Doug talking to Abby so she just hung back waiting for them to finish before she was going to approach.

Doug waved the charts off. "I can't be her doctor. You need to get Weaver..." Doug knew in his head it was the right thing to do. "actually I think I'm going to crash in the lounge for awhile. When do you and carter get off? I rode with the ambulance over here so I don't have a ride...I don't even have my wallet." he said with a sigh. Doug knew Anna would be ok, that she would want him there but he couldn't. He needed some time without someone needing something from him.

"I'm off in another 6 hours. I have no clue as to where Carter is. I haven't seen him in awhile now." She said shrugging her shoulders at him, "I'd offer to give you a ride but I take the EL."

"Doug when you are done do you mind if I talk to you for a minute." Kerry said interrupting when she watched him push the chart away.

Doug nodded. "It's fine Abby. Don't worry about it. Thanks again." he turned to Weaver. He knew he was in trouble for the scene he made in the trauma room. He rubbed his face, he was so tired. "Yes, Dr. Weaver." he said folding his arms and looking at the ground.

"Look Doug," She said, "my decision to remove you from the trauma room had nothing to do with your abilities as a doctor. But we can't treat those we care about. Carter learned that the hard way with Chase." She said to him with sincerity in her voice. "I don't know what's going on with you and Anna, and really it's not my place to know. But when it comes to patients, one of our own or not, I have to put my foot down somewhere. So I am sorry if that offended you."

Doug nodded. He had never liked Kerry, but he respected her and he could tell the years had changed her. It would have been this side of five years ago he would have been suspended. "Thanks Kerry, for your apology...but i was out of line and i know it. it's just been a long few days. don't worry, it wont affect my work. I'll still be on at seven tomorrow." Doug fidgeted with his hands. He didn't want to ask Kerry but he wanted to know. "I don't suppose you know if Carol's around tonight?"

"She left with the girls about," Kerry glanced at her watch, "2 hours ago."

Luka wandered outside into the ambulance bay. He had been very busy, but he felt he had held his own. But right now he needed some fresh air.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Carol walked back to the ER. The snow was starting to come down harder now. She had taken and dropped the girls off with her mother. She wasn't on for the second half of her shift for another half hour. She sat down on the bench outside the ER and put her head in her hands. Things weren't the way they were supposed to be. She had been miserable with out Doug. She found her mind drifting back to him once again as she let the tears fall.

Luka caught his breath. "Danjella," he whispered as he saw the vision crying on the bench. He shook his head, it couldn't' be Danjella, she was gone. But this damsel in front of him was the spitting image of her. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to the beauty. "May I sit, he asked.

Carol looked up at him, "yes, and thank you."

Luka could barely breath. Even though her voice sounded nothing of her. "Is there something I can do to help?"

Carol sobbed, "it's just that, the guy I was dating well, it's all a mess and well he kissed another woman in front of me after we got into a fight, he says that there's nothing else to it, but I have this feeling there is. It wouldn't be the first time that he did it. And now here I am sitting outside where I work crying to a total stranger. All because I thought he needed to talk to someone."

"Sometimes a stranger is the easiest person to talk to," Luka said in his soft accent. "Please dry your eyes; it pains me to see someone so lovely cry."

"Oh that is the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long time." Carol said as she dabbed at her eyes, "I'm Carol Hathaway and you are?"

"My name is Luka Kovac. And I am the moonlighter here," he said, his gaze drawn to her lips. "And did I hear correctly, you work here as well."

"Yeah, I'm an ER nurse." She said looking at how handsome he was, yet so different from Doug. She was drawn into his deep eyes and his accent was so soothing.

Luka had to restrain himself from being to familiar with her. He longed to brush the tears from her eyes. "I look forward to getting to know you better then."

"And I you, Dr. Kovac," Carol said to him, "or may I call you Luka?" She asked him as the snowflakes fell all around her. "Come on let's go inside before they have to treat both of us in the ER."

"Feel free to call me Luka," he said standing, and then holding his hand out to help her up.

Carol took his hand and stood up. She walked into the ER with him. The stood in front of the admit desk now. She thought that she saw Doug standing over by the suture room, but she had checked the schedule and it said that he was off tonight. She looked up into the dark mysterious doctors eyes, and was overwhelmed with this feeling. She was drawn into his eyes She leaned closer into him, "thank you." She said as she brought her lips down onto his and kissed him.

Luka pulled her tighter into his arms, she felt so perfect there. His lips caressed hers softly, reverently.

Carol melted into his arms under his kiss. It felt so right. She didn't want it to end. Doug didn't even make her feel this way anymore. She pulled back away from him smiling as she looked on him, "I have to get to work. Would you like to have coffee after work?"

"It would be my pleasure." Luka said, brushing her hand as she started to move away.

"I look forward to it Luka." Carol said as she moved towards the lounge to put her things away and start her shift. Maybe there was life after Doug.

Luka watched her walk away, with the grace of a goddess. He then turned and tried to focus on work again.

Doug smiled at Kerry. "thanks again. I'll probably hang around here for awhile." he walked over to the admit desk to find something to do when he saw the new man he had seen in the lounge. "hey" he said stick his hand out. "I'm Doug Ross. sorry about...before. i don't usually come to work half dressed." he joked. "it was just...never mind. are you new?"

Carol put her things away in the lounge. She leaned against the lockers, her head still spinning from Luka's kiss. A smile crossed her lips as she picked up her stethoscope and put it around her neck. "Just get through your shift Carol." She said to herself before heading back out into the ER. She found herself frozen in the lounge door looking at the admit desk. There stood Doug and Luka, one her past, one what could be her future. There was so much that had been left unsaid between them, but there were no words for what she felt. She brought her hand up to her lips, feeling his kiss on hers. Luka had made her feel like a princess in just a few short minutes, but Doug was the father of her children. She had been rather harsh telling him that he couldn't see the girls. And she knew that was truly unfair to the three of them. Kate and Tess loved Doug, and it had been hard on all of them with him not being there. She'd have to work something out with him, for Kate and Tess's sake. But right now she couldn't be anything more than his friend, anything more her heart couldn't take. She was still reeling from his last burn. Doug couldn't change as much as she wanted him too, that wasn't to be. In her eyes, he would always be the same old Doug. She stood there just watching the two men interact with each other; she couldn't will herself to move from her spot.

John was working with the patient that he was going to send up to ct, but instead this patient, without any of his knowledge pulled out a gun and sat up. "Sir you don't want to do that" John said to him. "Just move doc, or you will get it, Keep moving" He shouted as he pushed john through the elevators and back into the hall way of The ER and then into a storage closet. He held the gun up to him. "You can't work for awhile" the man shouted. Carter just could think of Abby, just as his pager went off, and realized she had just paged him. The patient grabbed his pager and smashed it. "Ok lets get out of here."Hey if you want your one doctor here back find me seven thousand dollars or he gets it" The man said grabbing carter and still holding the gun to his head... They take off in his car. Carter hoped Abby didn't see what had just happened. He loved her so much.

"Luka Kovac," he said, shaking the other man's hand. "And I'm just a moonlighter.

Carol summoned the courage to walk over to where Doug and Luka were standing. She wrapped an arm around him. "I brought you a cup of coffee." She was smiling at him, "to tide you over until after work."

Luka smiled at Carol, feeling her warmth along his side. "How nice, but do you know how I take my coffee?" he said, trying to flirt.

Carol held out the coffee cup to him, "I'm sure that you like it sweet, because you're so sweet." She said stepping up on her tips toes to reach his sweet lips to steal a quick kiss from him.

Luka could feel heat rushing to his face. Forgetting that they were in a public place, standing in front of someone he just met, he bent his head and captured her lips once more.

Carol melted right into Luka's arms. God this man was good. So warm so sweet she could feel her breath catch in her throat from his gentleness. Carol pulled back from him her breathing now a little faster from her heart pounding in her chest. "Ohm, I should let you get back to work." She said looking up into the deep dark eyes of her mysterious foreign doctor. She had been swept off her feet by him and she didn't want it to end.

Doug's mouth dropped as he saw carol kiss Luka...this guy he had just met. he looked at the ground trying to force the tears out of his eyes. "nice to meet you." he managed to whisper out. realizing he couldn't hide it if he wanted to he looked up at carol, a tear falling down his face. 'how could she do that?' he thought to himself. even he wasn't that spiteful to do that in front of her. "I--" Doug's voice cracked from the emotion coming over him. "I guess i better go..." he looked at carol, giving her a look of heartbreak."see you carol." he walked past her wiping his face as he went. he hated crying in front of people but he couldn't help it. the things he felt for carol he knew he would never feel for anyone else, not even Anna. seeing carol move on so quickly left him feeling more alone than ever before. he had wanted to talk to her and work things out, but now he knew she had just dropped him...and for the first time in a long time, it really hurt. he hoped she knew it.

"Excuse me Luka." Carol said turning and going after Doug she caught up with him and grabbed his arm. "Doug wait."

Luka watched her go, and wondered what was going on, because there was currently more than what met the eye.

Doug tried to cover his face when she grabbed him. He didn't want her to see him so upset. He looked at the ground as another tear fell from his face. "Yeah?" he asked softly. The last thing he wanted was to get into another fight tonight.

"Doug, I'm sorry." She said to him touching his arm. She knew that she had hurt him, "but, oh hell, you are I, we're not in a good place right now. You hurt me, I hurt you, its a cycle that I don't know if we can end it. I don't want to fight with you anymore Doug. We deserve better than that, the girls deserve better than that. I can't keep doing this. There's so much going on that neither of us want to deal with. We can't push it under the rug and ignore it anymore."

Doug nodded. "I know." he said to her. "And i deserve it. I know I've been awful to you...it's just..." Doug realized they were in the hall. he didn't want to have this talk with her here. "Can we go somewhere and talk... can we go to Doc's or something? I really need to talk to you..."

"Yeah," She said to him, she was willing to listen to Doug, but she knew in her heart that there was nothing he could say that was going to fix this. "Just let me take care of something first." She said as she started to walk back over to Luka. She knew she had some explaining to do.

Doug nodded. "Alright, sure...I'll wait here."

Carol walked over to Luka and stood there silently beside him. She wasn't sure what to say to him after knowing he had witnessed that.

Luka looked at Carol, "That's him, isn't it." He said his eyes sweeping toward the other Doctor. "The one who had you in tears."

"Yes," she said softly, "that's him. I'm sorry you had to see that, he wants to talk and I well I owe him that. We have two little girls and they miss their father something awful. I haven't been fair to him, this is my fault too. I said that I would talk to him, but in my heart I know what I need to do for me and my girls. So please don't take our talking the wrong way Luka. I still want to get to know you better."

"It is important for you to talk," he said softly, "You owe it to your girls. Take your time, I will wait."

"Thank you." She said softly before heading back to Doug, "let's go. I'm on the clock so if they get slammed I have to come back." She was colder towards him than she had meant to be, but she couldn't help herself. She knew that if she let down her defenses she would let Doug sweet talk himself out of everything

Doug nodded and walked with her silently across the street. he was glad he had an extra pair of tennis shoes in his locker. He looked into Doc's and it seemed pretty crowded. "Let's just walk on the street." he said to her. Doug had gotten his emotions under control but was looking for a way to start on what he wanted to say. "Thank you for agreeing to talk to me. I know you didn't want to."

She stopped, "look it's not that I don't want to talk to you. I just don't want to get burned again Doug." She looked at him, "you and I we've got this history and no matter what I can't change where we are. I'm not going to fight Doug, I'm done fighting."

Doug stopped in front of her. "I don't want to fight." made sure his voice was soft and calm. "Look this is going to come out kind of messy but just let me finish ok?" he shifted his weight on his feet and took a breath before starting. He didn't know how long Carol had been seeing that other guy so he didn't want to jump to anything and upset her; he was just going to say what he felt. "Look, I know I don't deserve to be with you...I probably never will. I decided today that you were right. I do need some help. Before I saw that new guy I was on my way up to Dr. Meyer's office to set up an appointment." Doug shifted his weight again and stuffed his hands in his pockets, it was really cold outside. "And I know I cant fix these past few days...but I'll do anything you want. I'll never see Anna again if you ask me to. the fact is carol that i will never love anyone but you...and I've realized that. i may care for people but I'll always compare them to you. i know its not right or fair, but i cant change that. god knows I've made huge mistakes, and i don't deserve a second chance with you. but I'm asking for one anyway. i don't want to push you into anything...I'll give you some time." as hard as he tried he could feel the tightness of hurt coming back into his throat and it was hard for him to talk. "bottom line, i want you to be happy. even if its not with me. but i want you to know that I'll never care anyone as much as i do for you and our daughters." Doug reached for her hand. "I want to be the man you deserve carol. just tell me i have a chance. tell me you still feel something for me too. cause you're it carol. you're the only one I'm meant to be with." even though the tears were welling up in his eyes he tried to keep it together just long enough to hear what she had to say back.

"Doug," Carol said taking in a deep breath, "I'm not going to tell you that I don't love you, cause god knows that I do. But I'm not happy, I haven't been happy for a while now. We've been going downhill for awhile Doug and it's not getting any better. Sure we do fine for awhile but then it's the same thing all over again. We cut each other to the bone over and over again, empty promises that never come true." She wiped the tears from her eyes, "I'm tired Doug, I can't ride this rollercoaster anymore. You say you want to change, but my heart is telling me it's for all the wrong reasons. And if it's to make me and me alone happy then that is. All I can be is your friend right now. There's something missing and I don't know what it is. I know this hurts, and believe me it hurts me too, walking away from you, watching you walk away from me, it never gets any easier. I need space Doug, I need away from you for awhile. I don't know for how long, or if I am saying that this is then end for us. But I have to do this for me." Carol couldn't look him in the eyes now. "The girls they miss you and we can work something out, since we are both in Chicago. Maybe you can take them for part of the week or something. They miss you. And as for Anna." Carol winced saying her name, "that's you're decision to make not mine."

Doug just nodded. Hearing this hurt him but he knew she had that right. "Anna and i cant ever be anything more then friends. i thought we could but i don't feel anything for her like that. i would like to see Kate and Tess though. and i think it would be good if we all spent some time together too, for them." Doug would ever admit that it was for him too. "but i made the decision to see someone by myself...and I'm doing that for me. i know i have some things to work out." Doug realized she wasn't looking at him. gently he lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "just know that i do love you with all my heart. and ill always be here for you...no matter what." he wiped the tear from her eyes and brought his hand back down to his pocket. "I'm sorrier than you'll ever know for hurting you. you're such a special woman, you make everyone around you better...I'm a better person for knowing you." he let a grin slip onto his face. as clichéd as it sounded it was true. everyday he had spent with her had taken him one step away from becoming someone like his father.

"Maybe in time we can spend time together with the girls Doug, but right now I'm not ready for that." She said gently pulling back. He was wearing her defenses down slowly but surely, "and I'm glad that you want to change for yourself." She turned away from him, "I know that you are sorry Doug," She kicked the ground, she had heard that line years ago up on the roof when he had to leave County. "I believe you, I always have." she looked towards the hospital door, "I'm sorry that I can't put my life on hold, and promise you that I will be there for you." She remembered Luka's kiss the way that it felt. She might have rushed that, she might have done it to spite Doug, but she couldn't deny the way that it felt, "I'll see you around." She said as she walked towards the ER doors. She stopped for a minute, "Let Anna down gently Doug, no matter what she's still a friend of both of us, and she's been through a lot." She wasn't sure why she had said that, maybe because she had seen the wake of broken hearts that were behind him and didn't want to see yet another. She continued on towards the hospital entrance wondering if it would be any warmer in there than it had been out there. She had been brutally honest with him, and even though she might have hurt him, she knew that she had too. They needed space and this was the only option left open to them right now.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Abby had searched all over the ER. Carter was no where to be found. She was making another sweep thru the ER. She looked in all the exam room, on the board was his name but his familiar initials were not next to any patients. She walked into the lounge. His coat was in his locker, but his lab coat and stethoscope weren't there. God, where could he be? She had checked the roof and he wasn't there. The CT people said that they hadn't seen him either. She walked out and sat down at the admit desk. She reached over and dialed his pager number one more time. She laid her head down on the desk and waited.

Doug watched Carol walk away. He hoped that she just needed some time to think it over. He couldn't imagine that she was already serious with this new guy. He knew she was right about Anna. He was sure she wouldn't understand. He walked back into County. He would never sleep tonight, he might as well work. Doug needed to take his mind off of this. He looked around a little to find Weaver but instead saw Abby laying her head on the counter. "Hey," he said. "You alright?"

"I can't find Carter Doug," Abby said as she lifted her head up off the desk. "I've page him dozens of times he hasn't answered and I have turned this place upside down."

Doug saw she was worried. He wasn't doing much and he wanted to take his mind off himself anyway. "Come on." he said to her "lets go look around. I'm sure we'll find him. has probably just hiding from weaver." Doug joked.

Carter was nervous, he didn't know where this man was taking him, it was cold out, and here he was in scrubs and his lab coat and stethoscope, the man still had him held up to the gun. "Lets go in this warehouse, now i finally faked being a patient to pay you doc's back, worried your little girlfriend won't find you?" he asked carter. Before carter could answer, his mouth was taped shut. Why couldn't it be normal day, he wanted it to just be a normal day. the man then tied him to chair. "Maybe they find your stupid pager, that I broke" he told him. "But I want money from them, i want money for them to get you back" The man said. All Carter would do would nod, He was scared. He could only think of Abby right now, what was she thinking

Robert got off the elevator. This was not his night. "Doug," He said trying to put on a compassionate face, "Can I talk to you for a minute please." He didn't know how he was going to break this news to him.

Doug turned to him. "Yeah Sure Dr. Romano." he turned back to Abby for a second. "Don't worry, we'll find him in a second." he walked over a few steps with Romano. Robert wasn't ever this nice to him. Doug didn't know what was going on but he knew he was going to find out. He folded his arms and stood in front of Romano. "What's up?"

"Doug, when Anna woke up she was extremely altered," He started in, "we took her in for a second CT. From what I got out of her, she hit her head again yesterday. There's a bleeder that we can't reach, it's formed a clot. She doesn't have much time, but she's asking to see you. I'm sorry."

The color drained from his face. He could have been sick right there. He didn't even say anything to Romano. Moved past him at a full out run up the stairs to the SICU. Doug Froze when he saw her and walked through the door slowly. She was awake but looked tired. "Hey" he said to her softly. He didn't know what Romano had told her if anything. "I'm here."

She tried to smile the best she could. "I'm glad you're here." She said. She was starting to get sleepy. "Robert was here just a few minutes ago. I'm sorry." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Would you do something for me please? I would ask someone else, but..." She choked on her words.

Doug sat down and took her hand in his. He couldn't help crying...it was all he could do. "I'll do anything Anna...I'll do anything for you." Tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't loose two people he cared about...not like this...

She was fighting to stay awake. "In my jeans under the bed there's a key to box in my locker. The money that I was saving to leave max is in there. Give it to the ped's unit please." She asked him, "I know I don't have the right to ask you this, but you're kisses have meant so much to me. Can I have one last one, please stay with me Doug, I'm scared." The tears were rolling down her check now.

Doug held her hand tight. He nodded and held her hand against his face. He could feel her grip getting weaker. 'How could this be happening?' he thought to himself. He sat up and brought his face next to her. "God I love you...you'll always be with me Anna." he gave her a long kiss. Even though it was separated by the tears and sobs from them both, it still held the feelings he had for her. He had lied to Carol when he said that Anna and him couldn't have been more than friends. He knew they could have...they might have been. All he wanted to do now was be there for Anna one last time..."Please forgive me...I'm so sorry." he held her hand and kissed her again. He hated a god who would do this to them both.

"I...I...love... you." She said as she gave up. She couldn't hold her eyes open anymore as she faded into the night.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Carol had overheard Romano talking to Kerry about Anna. Her friend was dying. She ran upstairs. She knew Doug would be there. He might have put on a straight face in telling her that there was nothing between them she knew better. She stood outside Anna's room not wanted to intrude on them. They needed to be able to say goodbye to each other. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she watched Doug.

Doug felt her slip away in their kiss and lost it. He sat back in his chair and touched her face. She looked so beautiful. He pushed the hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. He fought the feelings of sickness. He wanted to be with her but he had to say goodbye. He stood up and gave her one last kiss. When he turned his head he saw Carol out of the corner of his eye. He knew she was mad at him but he needed someone to be with. He couldn't be alone right now. Slowly he made his way to the door. He saw her tears and he let himself cry too. He wanted to respect her wishes but something inside him push and he reached out and grabbed for her. Doug pulled her into a hug and let go.

Carol held onto Doug as the tears flowed freely, "I am so sorry," She whispered, "I know it hurt baby I know it hurts. I'm not going anywhere. Life's to short. Forgive me baby."

Doug couldn't talk. He just held onto her. after many minutes he got a better hold of himself. he was shaking and couldn't stop. "I need to get out of here. Can i come home tonight please? i don't want to stay by myself?"

Yes," She said still holding onto him, something inside of her didn't want to let go of him. "Why don't you grab your stuff, I'll find Kerry and the others and let them know. Doug please, I want to make us work." She said her eyes drifting into Anna's room "I don't want that to be us."

Doug took a breath and was more calm. "Ok, you go down. I'll be there soon." The last thing he wanted was to deal with everyone else who knew Anna and for them to see him like this. He was shocked that Carol had changed his mind. He didn't know if it was something he had done...or if seeing Anna made her realize something she hadn't but he was glad he didn't have to go through this alone. He walked back into Anna's room and looked at the doctor who was turning off the machines. "I can do that." he said softly taking the IV out of her arm. He hurt to see her like that. She just looked like she was asleep...like after they had made love. He leaned down and kissed her again and let go of her hand one last time.

Carol slowly walked away, giving him a little space to grieve on his own. She took the elevator and walked out into the ER. She saw Kerry and Romano standing at the admit desk, as she crossed over to them. Her eyes saying more than she wanted them too. "I'm sorry," She said softly, "Anna's gone."

Romano looked at Carol for a minute. Before slamming his fist down onto the desk. For a minute he looked almost human and he knew it, "that SOB." He said before he stormed off.

Kerry didn't say anything. She was shocked to learn that another one of her staff member was no longer with them. She stopped what she was doing and turned to head into the lounge. Carol followed to grab her things and wait for Doug to come down. She watched Kerry sitting there her face almost expressionless.

Robert had walked back upstairs fuming that a man, a stupid man, had cost him yet another brilliant doctor. It had been several years since he had worked to safe Lucy and wasn't able to do it and now here he was faced with Anna. Not that he had invested much in her, but still was still a member of his staff. He paused, Doug was in there with Anna, "You know there are nurses to do that." He said to him.

Doug finished cleaning up Anna and was surprised to hear Romano's voice behind him. "I know." he said to him. "But I wanted to." He took a quick look back at Anna and then turned to walk away. "Thanks for doing what you could. I know she appreciated it ...and so do I."

Robert thrust his hands into his pockets. He wanted to strangle Max with his bare hands. "I'm just sorry that we couldn't do more. She was an asset to the hospital." He said as he headed for the door, "we'll hold a memorial service for her in a couple of days here." He couldn't hold back the sarcastic remark, "and if her so called husband shows up, he'd better pray to god that I don't find him."

Doug followed Romano out of the room. "Yeah I'll kill him this time. i should have done it before." his voice wasn't sarcastic like Romano's but dead serious. Doug knew that if he saw max he would loose it. Doug took the stairs to avoid anymore time in the hospital. he walked into the ER and looked around for carol.

Carol slowly walked out of the lounge. She had cleaned out Anna's locker for Kerry so that they could give the space to Luka or the new med student that was starting. She couldn't understand what Kerry was saying to her thru the tears. Carol was almost surprised at how little had been in there. She had seen the inside of several doctor's locker's before and none of them had ever been so bare before. She walked over behind Doug slipping her free hand around his waist. "Hey."

"Hey" Doug said back and put his arm around he shoulders. "you ready to go?"

Susan had heard all that had happened and couldn't believe it. she had just talked to Anna yesterday and now she was gone. she saw Doug and carol together and decided that she would talk to them later. the ER seemed to have come to a stand still. she walked over and saw Abby sitting down by admit. "hey Abby" she said in a sympathetic voice.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Carol said to him trying to decide what she should do with the box.

"Hey Susan, bad news huh?" Abby said as she wished for the phone to ring, "you haven't seen John have you?"

Doug took the box from her. "This Anna's stuff? She asked me to take care of that." he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "come on." he said softly walking out with her. "you drive or take the EL?" Doug really didn't want to drive. he wanted to go to his house, take a bath, get something to eat and go to sleep. for some reason he thought if he got to sleep he would wake up and things would seem better.

Susan sat down next to her. "No i haven't seen Carter. How long have you been looking for him? just call his cell."

"I walked." She said holding onto him. "I was huh clearing my head. The girls are at moms. You look exhausted Doug. Why don't we just take the EL? We'll get you home and into bed. Things will look better after you get some sleep. When was the last time you slept, or had anything to eat?"

"I've tried his pager and his cell. I have looked in just about ever nook and cranny in this hospital." She said to Susan. "I haven't seen his since that trauma, so I guess since about 1 am."

Luka smiled sadly as he watched Carol and Dr. Ross leave the ER. But he knew for their girls, it was the best thing. He took another chart and lost himself in work.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41:**

Kerry got up off the couch in the lounge. She wondered if Dr. Kovac would be willing to pick up some extra shifts. God she hated the thought of having to replace another member of her staff. She went in search of Luka and at least found one person working after the day had started off so nasty. "Excuse me Dr. Kovac," She said as she approached him.

"Yes, ma'am," Luka said, thinking how bad his boss looked. "I'm sorry about your loss. Is there anything I can do to help?

Kerry took a deep breath trying to keep herself as composed as she could. Lucy, Mark, Anna...it was getting to be to much. She remembered seeing Lucy in the trauma room, bleeding to death in front of them. She tried hard to shake the images in her mind off, "I know that you are here thinking that this is just a temporary position." She started to speak fighting back her tears, "but in light of the events of today and that Dr. Del Amico will not be able to return I am short handed on more than a temporary basis." Kerry took a deep breath in, "there's an opening on my staff, would you be willing to stay longer and help fill in on a more regular basis, as a full time attending?"

"I would be honored to stay, but I wish it could be under different circumstances." Luka looked at the tears welling in Dr. Weaver's eyes, and despite the fact that responding to a woman in tears got him into trouble once today; he just couldn't help but touch her hand. "I wish I has something better to say than I'm sorry.

Kerry still tried to hold it all in but she was losing it fast. "I didn't expect this."

Doug nodded. "yeah let's take the EL. I am pretty tired. I don't think I've slept more than five hours in the past two days or eaten anything but cold pizza for that matter." he walked with Carol up the stairs to the EL because of the time in the morning almost no one was on the train. Doug liked the quiet and closed his eyes as he held carol's hand. he dropped his head and leaned into her. "i love you carol."

Susan stood up "come on lets go do something."

Carol kissed the top of his head. "I love you too Doug. We'll get thru this."

Despite himself, Luka opened his arms and drew Dr. Weaver's tiny frame to his chest. "We are never prepared for death," he said softly, as he rubbed her back.

Kerry leaned into the tall doctor. As she let the tears fall freely. "She was just so young and so talented."

"Where could he have gone Susan. It's not like him not to return a page, or phone call?"

"Go ahead and just cry, don't try to understand it." Luka said softly, "Losing someone young, it never makes sense."

The train stopped and Doug looked up. It was close enough to their house. He held onto Carol's hand as he stood, still holding Anna's box. Doug walked silently with Carol until they reached their doorstep. Even the short walk was enough to tire him out. He walked into their warm home and collapsed on the couch. He knew he should probably eat something but he wasn't in the mood. "Please tell me you don't have to work tomorrow." he said setting the box he held out next to him. "are you tired? or do you want me to stay up with you?"

Susan shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you Abby. I can help you look or we can get to work. I know he is around here somewhere. He might have even gone to get something to eat."

Kerry cried into Luka's shoulder until she couldn't cry anymore, she looked up at him speaking softly, "thank you."

"You don't have to stay up with me Doug." She said looking at him. "Do you want me to lay down with you?" She asked softly. Things weren't right with them and she didn't know how or where to go with them right now. He had a lot that had happened to him today and she didn't want to push them in the wrong direction.

"Eating since 1 am this morning." She said looking at Susan. "I don't know I am getting worried about him, but you are probably right. But i don't understand why he wouldn't take his coat if he went to get something to eat."

Luka found it hard to hid the tears in his own eyes. "Your welcome," he said simply.

He looked back up at her. He knew she was still upset with him but he wanted to make it right, just not now. "Will you sit with me?" he asked moving over on the couch to make room for her.

Susan shrugged. Listening to Abby she began to worry as well. "Well I'm going to work up some triage. if you want to help clear the board that's good or ill cover for you so you can look for him."

"Of Course I will." She said snuggling in next to him, "I'm here for you. If you want to talk, I'll listen, if you need to cry you can have my shoulder. If you need time to yourself to deal with all of this, you can have it, I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah I'll help, could you grab me a scrub top from the supply closet. I'll be right back."

Doug wrapped his arms around her. "I just want to hold you. I don't want to have to worry about losing you too."

Susan smiled. She wanted to get Abby's mind off of carter. She hated it when her friends worried. She walked to the closet to get Abby a top when she saw a piece of broken plastic on the floor. she bent down to pick it up when she saw more. "Hey Abby come here!"

Carol melted into his arms, "I'm not going anywhere Doug." She said softly, "I was upset earlier yes, but..." She hated to bring it up, "seeing Anna like that made me realize that life can be cut short and I don't want to live what time I have with out you."

Doug stretched out on the couch and put his head in her lap. "We'll work on it." he said curling up. Having Carol bring up Anna again spurt a question into his mind. "This is how I don't know how you can go to church and believe that...i mean what did Anna ever do to deserve something like that?" he could feel himself choke up again so he shut his eyes. "i guess you just have a little more faith in general then i do."

"What is it Susan," Abby asked almost running over to her friend.

"God didn't do this Doug." She said softly, "Anna didn't do anything to deserve having this happen." She could tell that he was upset, "sometimes things like this just happen there's no rhyme or reason behind it. Sometimes people get hurt, and we can put them back together and other times it's beyond our capabilities. She knew what she was getting into when she started her relationship. And she should have known where it would have ended."

Susan looked over at her friend. She hated to be the barer of horrible news. she couldn't really make much out of it herself. She handed Abby the broken beeper. "I think we need to call the cops."

Doug looked up at her. "You don't know...if i had been there when that SOB came to the door i would have thrown him out then and there. instead i came to the house to find her beaten up...i almost killed that guy and i didn't even feel bad about it. i mean when i met him before we moved to Seattle he seemed like a decent guy...the other day he was just as bad as my father." Doug kicked off his shoes and grabbed the quilt that was on the back of the couch. "i don't think anyone can know how a relationship is going to turn out...bottom line; i guess i just blame myself. its those 'what ifs' you know? if i had been there. if i had gotten her to the hospital sooner. if i had never gotten back into her life at all she could be alive."

Abby just looked at the broken pager. "Yeah, I think so too." She turned and headed back to the admit desk to make the phone call.

"You're not responsible for this Doug." Carol said gently to him, "You did what you could for her. You're not the one who hit her. You couldn't have stopped it if you wanted to. If it hadn't happened today, what would have stopped it from happening tomorrow or the day after? And if you had gotten her here sooner it still would have turned out the same way. You can't blame yourself for this. You can always find 'what if's' for every situation in life, if you hadn't gotten back into her life she would have been alone. There wouldn't have been anyone there to hold her hand," Carol was finding it difficult to get this out, she started to cry as she finished her thought, "you gave her one last glimmer of happiness. One that might not have been there otherwise. Cause I am pretty sure Max didn't give a damn. He didn't when they brought him in and we started to patch him up."

Doug sat up and pulled her into his arms. "I didn't mean to make you cry again. I know you're right; it's just hard for me to believe it right now. I haven't had anyone close to me die since Mark...And I didn't really deal with that then either." He sighed and stood up. "I guess there are no guarantees huh? But that's why we live. That's why we fight for life." he reached for her face and wiped away the tears. "I need to sleep...I'll stay on the couch if you...i know it's been a hard day for you too so if you need some space from me I understand."

She looked up at him, "I don't know what I need from you right now Doug." She said her head and heart were pulling her in two different directions. "I need you but I wont lie that I'm still not upset with you. Maybe it's best if we just give each other a little space to deal with today and start fresh tomorrow." She said as she started to head up the stairs toward her bedroom. She pushed the door shut behind her and laid down on the bed to cry herself to sleep.

Doug shook his head. "Oops" he said aloud to himself. He was way to tired to deal with anything else. He grabbed the quilt and threw it over his arms as he laid on the couch. it was pretty cold in their living room but he didn't feel like searching for more covers. Although he thought it would be impossible for him to sleep tonight, shortly after closing his eyes, that's exactly what he did.


	42. Chapter 42

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who has review it means a lot to those of us who have worked on this. It's a project that has been in the works for about 2 years now, and there are probably close to 200 chapters that I have been working on editing to post on here to share with everyone. This has been the efforts of several people not just one writer. Credit for those who have written this is on the profile page. Thanks again for the reviews and I hope to be able to keep getting the chapters up with relative speed, although with college classes starting up here soon studying will be priority. But I should be able to keep the updates fairly fast and regular with a little help from my friends._**  
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**Chapter 40  
**

Susan went with Abby to the phone. As Abby dialed the number Susan looked for Kerry. Finally found her standing near Luka. "Dr. Weaver, you should probably come here for a second."

Kerry pulled away from Luka looking toward Susan as she started over to them, "what is it Susan?" Kerry asked as she saw the worry in her face. Kerry couldn't help but wonder what else could be going wrong on a day that had been nothing but terrible from the start.

Carol managed to somehow sleep for awhile. But sleeping in the middle of the day wasn't something that she was good at. She saw Doug sleeping on the couch. She quietly slipped by and started the coffee pot before grabbing the paper off the front porch. She tossed it on the table before she opened the cupboards for a cup and the retrieved the milk from the fridge. She glanced at the clock. The girls should be at preschool by now.

They would be happy when they came home and saw that Daddy was home again. She hoped that being near the girls would make Doug feel a little bit better. She sat down at the kitchen table and undid the paper. The headline caught her attention seemed that word traveled fast. Chicago area physician charged with homicide. "Wow', she silently muttered. Doug didn't need to see this, she thought as she picked the paper up and dropped it in the recycle bin. There was never good news anyway. She decided that she would keep herself busy by scrubbing the kitchen. Anything to take her mind off things. She got the cleaning stuff from the cabinet and set in.

Susan looked at her with wide eyes. "It's Carter." she said pointed to the broken pager and Abby by the phone. "I think something's happened."

Doug tried to ignore the new sounds he heard a go back to sleep but after twenty minutes of forcing it he decided to get up. He stood up from the couch and stretched his back. He was sore all over. He sleepily walked into the kitchen to find the source of the noise. he smiled when he saw Carol. "Good..." he looked at his watch."almost afternoon." he said with a smile. he wiped the sleep out of his eyes and noticed the cleaning sprays out. "What are you doing?"

"Oh god," Kerry said, "what else can go wrong today. Where was it?"

Carol looked up, "trying to be quiet, yet keep busy. I didn't want to wake you, besides the kitchen needed cleaned."

Luka caught Kerry's eye, to will her strength.

"Out side the supply closet." Susan said. "Abby's calling the police."

"Ahh that's ok. i needed to get up anyway. so what's the deal, are you on today?"

"Okay that's it." Kerry screamed. "I have one doctor in the morgue and one now that is missing. I have been working for 36 hours straight. I am going into the lounge and I am laying down on that couch...don't anyone need me for the next 15 minutes."

"Nope I'm not on today unless something comes up and they get short handed. I'm on-call today." She said pushing her hair back from her face, "what about you?" She said knowing that he needed to take some time off but she wasn't sure if he would or not. After Mark died he seemed to have thrown himself into his work even harder than before.

"Kerry," he said softly, laying a hand on her arm, "Let me get you a glass of water, and you can rest. I won't let anyone interrupt you for a half an hour. Then you can try to deal with this again. I will stay, and see more patients.

Kerry stopped for a minute and listened to his soft voice. She nodded, "thank you." As she continued into the lounge.

Luka watched Kerry drop onto the couch like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. He didn't know what would be more helpful to her, for him to stay with her or to see patients. He handed her the glass of water and just watched her for a moment.

Susan's eyes widened when Kerry had her outburst. "ooook" she said turning back to Abby. "are you getting through?"

Doug sighed. "I'm not on today but I feel like I need to do something...how about we grab some lunch soon. I need to swing by County and grab some charts. I promised Anna I'd drop off some money for ped's for her." he had to pause after saying her name. it still didn't feel like she was really gone. "was there a check in her locker?"

Kerry looked up, "thank you Luka. I'm sorry that I lost it like that."

Abby looked at Susan and nodded. She was waiting for them to connect her to a detective

Carol didn't take her eyes of Doug, "I didn't see one, but you might want to check that box, it might have been in there. We can go when I finish this."

Luka smiled at her, "I think your entitled to a little burn down after the day you have had."

Kerry tired to smile, "No this is my ER and I need to be professional, don't hold my human side against me."

"I look forward to getting to know your human side," Luka said, "when things settle down."

Doug looked at the coffee table. "Oh yeah, i forgot." he said. he turned to walk away and sat down on the couch grabbing the small box. "This was all that was in her locker?" he asked surprised. Doug rolled his neck and took a breath before opening the top. there were only a few things in there. he pulled out her stethoscope and set it aside. after a second he pulled out two envelopes. one he could tell was her check that she wanted him to donate. he turned the other over and was surprised to see "Doug" printed in her handwriting on the front. "was i meant to read this?" he thought to himself. he glanced over to look at carol that was busy cleaning. hoping she wouldn't notice him reading anything he pulled open the letter to see what it said.

"I'd like that Luka." Kerry said.

Carter just sat there wondering where the hell he was, he was scared. He just wanted to see Abby again or Anna, he didn't know what to do. the man tied him up to a chair. "now I ask them for seven million dollars t o get you back doc" the man said

Carol looked where Doug was sitting there on the couch. "Hey what do you have there?" she asked him

_Doug, _

_You are the greatest man I have ever known, kind, caring, considerate, and so full of passion. These last 2 days have been nothing but wonderful being able to spend my time with you. You're a man of many talents and one of your greatest is that of your ability to love with all your heart and soul. But I know that your heart belongs to Carol, it always has and it always will be. You are my best friend. You gave me the strength to follow my heart and end what had turned out to be the worst relationship of my life. You showed me what it was truly like to be protected and for a brief moment in time, loved. But you belong to Carol, and I can't be the one responsible for coming between two people who are so destined to be together. I don't believe in much, but the love that you have for her, is a love that I hope that I can someday manage to find myself. Take care of her Doug, find the way to make amends with her, make the peace that you can only find with each other. I can't say that I don't envy her, or wish that I could have been her. I can't believe that I am saying this to you, but Doug marry the damn woman before the greatest thing that you and I know slips out from between your fingers. But I will always be here for you as a shoulder to cry on and a friend to lean upon._

_Now before I forget and keep going on, I owe you an apology. I hid something from you that I should have. It's going to come back and haunt me, I know it, but for my conscious to be clear I needed to at least try to tell you, things didn't go well with Max the other day and the accident with the coffee table, I kind of put my head into it, but hey what can I say I'm fine other than a headache, but I didn't want you to worry about me, you have this unbelievable knack for worrying about me. I know that if you are still reading this, that I either had something really awful happen and you were the one who had the job of cleaning out my locker cause knowing Kerry she needed it for someone...or I am on that flight to Dallas away from Chicago, and away from the painful past._

_I will always love you,  
---Anna _

Doug felt the tears fall from his eyes. It was like he could hear Anna talking to him. Hearing Carol he quickly wiped his face and stuck the letter in his pocket. "Nothing. Just going through the box." Some things were just mean for him ...and this was one of them. Her words hurt in the way that love hurts, but it lifted a burden off of him. it was like she knew what he was feeling; like she knew they were destined to be friends.

Carol looked at Doug with Concern, "Doug I'm here for you, you know that right, but I want us to be honest with each other, but when your ready I understand" she said to him. Glad that they were talking again. "Are you off?" she asked him. "I was thinking we could do something with the girls tonight" she said talking about the twins

Robert flopped down on the couch in the surgeon's lounge. He could have gone back to his office but it had been a grueling long surgery and this was all the further his legs would take him right now. Even though it was early afternoon it felt like it had been longer. He had just spent 9 hours fighting to remove a clot wedged deep inside the brain with one of the best neurosurgeons in the world that he had flow over from Mercy. They had thought that they patient was dead, but her body wasn't ready to give up yet, and if the patient was not willing to give up, Robert surely wasn't going to give up. He hadn't spent all his time getting him where he was at to give up on a patient. Besides this one was special to him. He looked over at the phone grinning evilly to himself. He picked it up and dialed a pager number into it, simply entering the text, SICU now, not in 5 minutes, now... DR. R.

Kerry was silent for a minute as she looked at Luka, "Thank you for being a friend today when I really needed one. Things usually are not this bad around here. It's slow if you don't mind staying here and keeping me company while I try to relax for a minute."

Luka sat down next to her, and held a hand out.

Kerry took his hand, "I can't believe how peaceful it is in here compared to the hectic ness of out those doors."

Doug jumped when his pager went off. he looked at it wondering why he had to go in. "looks as if I'm on call today to." he said to carol standing up. "Romano probably just want to chastise me some more. i shouldn't be gone long."

Romano moved from the lounge out to the floor. He glanced in at his now recovering patient. Tubes and wired seemed to be everywhere, and would have a long road of recovery ahead. He glanced up at the clock. Being Chief of Staff had it's privies when it came to paging doctors. He went into the room checked the status of his patient, adjusted the flow of the IV's and medication, and then sat down at the nurses station with a chart in his lap waiting for to spring his newfound surprise on a very unsuspecting doctor.

"Oh" she said to him. "Would you want some company going up to Romano?" she asked knowing the guy wasn't really the nicest person to be around

Doug looked at her. "Nah...you stay and take a shower. only one of us deserves to have to go into work today. besides i need to think a little." after last night Doug needed some alone time. he walked outside and hopped on the EL. it didn't take him long to get to County. Slowly he made his way to the elevator and up to the surgical floor. he looked around for a moment trying to find Romano. not seeing him he walked to their admit desk. "could you page dr. Romano for me please?" he was still tired and didn't want to spend any more time at county then he had to. the sooner he could leave the better.


	43. Chapter 43

_A/N: Yes this is an RPG, and it started back in August of 2003 and has been going on since then. There have been people who have come and gone but the story line continues to grow and evolve and we've written on this for officially 2 years as of August 25, 2005. We've had fun writting it and are glad to see that other's are now getting to enjoy our "adventure."_**  
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**Chapter 43**

Romano looked at his beeping pager and headed over to the desk. "Ahh, Doug I was wondering how long it would take you to get here. Come walk with me a minute." Romano said as he started to walk deeper into the SICU. "There's something here that I think you will want to see." He stopped in front of a room.

Doug rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood to play any games. "Look, just tell me so I can get back home ok?" he said shortly.

Romano looked at Doug, "Home, yeah sure I'll tell you so that you can just go home, I just spent 9 hours working on saving her and you want to go home" He said getting serious like he was talking to a family member rather than an ER doc, "you should know that after you left, we all thought she was gone, but her heart for some unknown reason decided it was going to spontaneously restart itself." Romano brought his hand up to push the door open, "She's a fighter I'll give her that, so I called in a favor with a neurosurgeon at Mercy who specializes in these kinds of traumatic brain injuries. I don't call in favors for just anyone, and I'll be damned I won't give up on someone who has such a strong will. It's not often I get such a talented and beautiful doctor on my staff. She's alive Doug. Her heart is beating, she's breathing on her own, the EEG showed solid brain activity." He paused a minute to let what he was saying sink in, "She's stable for now but it's touch and go for now, in another 12 hours we will know more where we stand. I can't guarantee that she is out of the woods, and I can't promise that she's going to be the same person she was before all of this happened. We had to crack her when her heart stopped on the table. She's going to be very sleepy for awhile and has a long recovery ahead of her. She comes and goes in and out of consciousness but we have her pretty drugged up. She's alert to person and place however when she's awake. She responds to voice commands and can move a little on her own, she's pretty weak overall but that's to be expected with someone who was injured as badly as she was, but I'll give her credit for being stubborn and fighting her way back to the world of the living. I thought that since you seemed to be her friend you would want to know."

the expression melted off of Doug's face. he could feel the pain coming back into his heart. he tried to look into the room but he couldn't make himself. instead he just stared at Romano and shook his head. this couldn't be real. "I watched her die...I held her hand. so if this is your idea of a sick joke I'm going to beat the..." Doug clenched his fist to keep him from finishing the remark. He wanted to believe that the news he heard was true, but he couldn't get hurt like that again. he shook his head again and leaned against the wall for stability. "I watched her die...it's not possible."

"Look Doug, I might be many things, but I am not cold hearted." He said to him, "I'm telling you the god honest truth, that's Anna laying in that bed, alive."

"All right "Carol said to him. She went to take a shower, a nice hot one, and instead decided to take a bath. She was glad to be back with Doug. She was worried about him. He had seemed down since Anna's death

Carter was trying to focus, on other things but the man had caught him. He didn't know why, but it was scaring him. All he could think about was Abby. Man: you thinking about your woman" He asked him. "Yes, "He told him. what's her name? ""I don't want to give you her name.

Doug stared at him; his feet wouldn't let him move. gradually he got his eyes to drift into the room to the right of him. he saw Anna lying in her bed asleep, the way he had left her. his heart sped up when he saw her chest rise and fall. "my god" he whispered to himself. he put his hands behind the back of his neck. It was some kind of miracle. "is she...umm..." Doug didn't know what to do or say. he had finally made peace with her and now she was back. her letter had changed so much, but he still felt the same for her...conflicted. finally he focused his thoughts enough to ask the question he wanted to. "can i go in?"

"Yeah," Romano said, "I don't see a problem with that. She might like seeing someone else's face besides my handsomeness. Besides, I can't keep such a golden beauty all to myself."

Doug smiled at Romano. He had hated him for such a long time. But seeing him like this, he realized he actually had the ability to be human. Doug took a step to the door and turned around. "Thank you. You're a brilliant surgeon." Doug said sticking out his hand.

"I know I am." Romano said as he shook Doug's hand, "but give her the credit." He turned and walked over, stopping for a minute, "don't you dare tell anyone that I was nice." And continued off to his office to take a nap.

Doug laughed. "Sure thing." He turned and looked at Anna before deciding what to do. He knew their relationship had changed...for him at least. She probably didn't know that he had read that letter. He knew that when she wrote it she didn't plan on seeing him again. He didn't know if. once she got better, he could convince her to stay or what was left between them. Doug was about to walk away when something pulled him into the room. "I'll just see how she's doing." he told himself. "Five minutes max." Doug pushed open the door and walked over to her bed. Noticing that her eyes were closed he grabbed her chart. He could be in and out without her knowing he was even there. He read the notes Romano had written and couldn't believe it. "You must be a miracle." he said out loud. "Maybe Carol was right..."

She could hear a familiar voice in the distance. It was fuzzy to her ears. But she could hear someone saying she must be a miracle. Her eyelids were still heavy and she just didn't feel like making them open. Softly she spoke, "no just stubborn as hell."

Doug winced when he heard her voice. Hearing it brought pain. "You could have won an academy award for that one." he said setting the chart back on the foot of her bed. "I just came to check you're chart. I didn't mean to wake you. Do you need anything before I go?"

"An academy award huh. Not that this was in my plans at all." She shifted her weight on the bed, "oh god that hurt. I won't keep ya; I'm sure your busy with other stuff. Would you just pull that other blanket up here before you leave this place is a fridge."

Doug rolled his eyes. "Yeah...other stuff." He reached down and grabbed the blanket off her feet and spread it out over her chest. He tucked in the corners under her arms. "I'm glad you decided to stay with us. I would have hated you coming back to haunt me." he said with a grin.

"Yeah, I suppose not." She said opening her eyes just long enough to see his grin. She reached out to touch his hand. "No it was Weaver at the end of the tunnel that made me want to run away, and now I owe Romano of all people one."

"Yeah he's a good doctor." he said tucking her in a little more. He stood up straight and stuff his hands in his pockets. He knew he must look like hell. "I'll be back later...feel better ok?" Doug walked to the door and turned back around. "Heh, if Weaver is ever at the end of my tunnel I'll know I'm going to hell." he said with a laugh. He held up his hand to wave goodbye. "Take care."

"Yeah." She quietly replied. As she drifted back into her happy drug induced sleep. Unsure of where she stood, knowing that they all took her for dead. Things definitely weren't the same, she could sense that when he pulled away when she reached for his hand. That she had been dead was hard for her to swallow. Her heart fell when she realized that someone would have probably cleaned out her locker. That she had asked Doug to get stuff out of there for her. The letter, he had to have read the letter knowing that she was leaving. She would deal with everything later; right now she was too exhausted to deal with it.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Doug walked back down to the ER slower than he had gone up. He was looking around for some of his friends unsure if they knew the news about Anna. He saw Abby and Susan by the phone at admit. they both looked unusually worried so he forced himself to stay. after all if it was nothing he could at least tell them about Anna. "Abby what's going on?"

Abby hung the phone up. "Carter is missing. We found his pager in the supply closet broken up." She held back her tears, "they are sending some detectives over to check it out now." She paused looking at him, oh god Anna, "how are you holding up?"

Doug was stunned. "Oh...god Abby I'm sorry. I'll do what I can to help." he didn't know who would have taken Carter. Seeing Abby it was clear she didn't really want to think about it much more. "As for me holding up, I guess Romano hasn't told you guys his resurrection story huh?"

"Resurrection, what Romano," She said looking at him oddly, "what are you talking about?"

Doug ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. It was still hard for him not to choke up thinking about it. "Anna's...she's fine...well not fine but alive. We thought she had dies but her heart started again. Romano went in and cleared out the clot in her brain. She still had a long way to go but i just came from the SICU and...she's Anna." he said with an awkward smile. "What a crazy few days huh? so how are you doing? you need anything?"

"Yeah, crazy days." Abby said taking a deep breath, "no I just need Carter back in one piece." She started to get choked up, "but I'm glad that Anna's okay. I just don't understand how this could happen. I can't be here. I just can't do this right now."

Doug took her by the arm. "Come on" he said softly. "I want to get out of here too. let me buy you some lunch."

"Okay." She said, "I don't think that plan B would have been that great anyway."

Doug smiled at her as he grabbed their coats. "I would take you some where fancy but I'm only a minor peds doc. having said that i am doc magooed out so how about we walk down the street and you stop me when you see something that looks good to you." Doug said trying hard to make her feel better. Carter had done him a lot of favors; the least he could do was help out his girlfriend. they walked down the street quietly for a little until the Doug couldn't stand the silence. "you know I'm sure he is fine." he said looking at her as they walked. "he's a pretty tough guy."

"I keep telling myself that." Abby said, "but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe the more time goes on. I haven't had the urge to drink in a long time, but the more worried I get the better and better it sounds." She said as they walked, "hey this place looks good."

"Yeah sure" Doug said opening the door for her. "Trust me. i know how it feels wanting to drink." he said with a laugh. "it just doesn't ever make you feel any better." he took her coat as they were seated. "well in my opinion." Doug said, leaning forward to whisper to her. "carter picked a pretty great woman to be with." Doug smiled and gave her a wink. he knew how it felt to be helpless in situations like this and he was just trying to make her not worry so much.

Abby smiled as shook her head, "your crazy Doug, but hey I'm used to that." Abby was happy to have her mind not worrying so much, "thanks, I needed out of there. But enough of me, how are you doing really? I know you've been on a pretty rough ride the last couple of days, and if you tell me then I won't be left to think about Carter."

Doug laughed. "Well you know me...I am forever and always screwed up..." he joked. but looking at her face decided to switch to be a little more serious. "No...I always just seem to make the wrong choices. I ruin my relationship with carol, make horrible first impressions on you all, make a relationship with Anna, and get a kind of 'dear Doug' letter from her, she dies..." Doug paused for a second. "she dies, then i got the letter, carol decides to try and forgive me, and now Anna is back and I'm not quite sure how to deal with all of it." Doug looked up at Abby, she seemed to be a good listener but he was embarrassed to have spilt his heart to her. "Wow, I cant believe I just said all of that."

Abby leaned back in the chair. "Your not forever and always screwed up. And don't worry about your first impressions. A "dear Doug" after she died, yikes how almost cruel. I don't know Doug maybe she felt like she was competing against a force that couldn't be moved, But I am sure that some where's there a light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm not the best person to give relationship advice, after all I'm divorced. You must have not messed up you relationship with Carol as bad as you thought you had if she's willing to try to make amends. Anna's some sort of miracle though. Dying and coming back, like that, she must have had something on earth to do that wasn't done. I'm curious, how did she send you letter after she died?"

Doug smiled. "Something on earth that wasn't finished? that's what I'm afraid of. she asked me to clear out her locker and when i did i saw the letter with my name on it. it said she was moving to Houston...i guess she never planned on telling me...but i don't blame her. i wouldn't have wanted to deal with it either...it was weird though, some of the things she said. it was like she knew something might happen to her and she didn't want me to blame myself for it."

Abby was silent for a minute, "Maybe she just wanted to get a clean break. Max did a pretty good number on her, who knows maybe he threatened her and she felt that she needed to get away before he carried out that threat, and she knew that it would be easier to run that to drag you into it. Would it have been easier for you if she had told you or if she just left? Its never easy to love two people, and you're in that position, no matter how hard you try someone is going to get hurt, be it Anna, or it be it Carol." She said, "but it sounds to me, that she was trying to let you have your space to work it out."

Doug gave a half nod. He had listened to her but his mind was somewhere else. "Tell me why woman say that." I need space'. Space never seems to solve anything. It just gets people hurt." Doug trailed off for a second. His thoughts were killing him. "You ever been fishing on the ocean?" his voice was calm and quiet. He looked past Abby, and looked into his memories. "We use to go all the time when I was a kid. Up to New England, on the Atlantic. I use to pretend I was a pirate...or a captain. or something stupid. My friends and I...we'd sit out on that deck all day pretending we were working hard, making up our girlfriends that were waiting for us to come back to...that was always the place I was happiest, on the water. you're in charge, no one there but the fish and the spray." Doug took a breath, he didn't know why he was telling Abby all this, she probably didn't care. "I don't even know why I came back. Maybe it's because medicine is the only thing I've been ok at, but I haven't loved it in a long time. My heart use to speed up when I walked into the hospital...ready for work, it was the same feeling when I was with Carol. It's like you're electric...But i don't feel that anymore." Doug tapped his fingers on the table. their drinks should have been there by now. he felt stupid for going on a tangent. it meant something to him but Abby probably wouldn't pick up on it. "i guess that's why routine kills ya huh? stuck in the vortex."

"Yeah routine has the tendency to do that to you. We try and find the one thing that we are best at and then think that we can do it for the rest of our lives, but no matter what we get burnt out on it, no matter how hard we love it, after time it becomes dull and repetitive. You spent your days on the ocean, I spent mine wondering if Maggie was going to be coming home, if she'd be home. Hiding in the closet from her so she didn't kill me with a butcher knife. Never knowing what we were going to eat, or how long we would have a roof over our heads. We think that we love people, and we try to spend our lives with them, but sometimes it just doesn't work right and we have to go and try to find that one special love that we lost." She leaned forward, "it's not ever easy. You'll get it all figured out. Doug, if things aren't right with Carol, then try it with Anna. Whatever you decide in the end to do, is up to you, but know I won't judge you either way."

Doug smiled. Abby had actually been the first person to make him feel better. "wow..." he said with a smile."we need to hang out more." he grinned at her and smacked the table. "i don't think our foods coming anytime soon. must be the crunch." he said as he looked at his watch. "come on...its getting crowded anyway, I'll buy you a snap dog and a coke if you walk with me."

Abby laughed, "you have a deal." She said as she started to stand up, "a walk would be nice."

Doug walked down the street a ways looking for a hot dog vendor. "Michigan avenue is towards the lake right?" he asked turning around. he stuff his hands in his pockets to protect them from the cold. "so id Maggie your sister...if you don't mind me asking that is."

"Yeah it is." She said, "No it doesn't bother me that you are asking. I wish Maggie was my sister, but no she's my mother."

"Ahh" Doug said seeing a vendor a few blocks down. "i can sympathize with you on bad parents then...mine were kind of the authority on it. don't let my ocean story fool you." he said with a smile. "most of the time i lived in Kentucky with my mom. it was only whenever my father showed up and was half sober that we did fun things like go up to the coast. that's probably why it took me an extra year to finish high school; since i was gone all the time...it was an extra year of playing basketball though. what about you? where you from?"

"I'm from Minnesota." She said, "my dad left us with Maggie when I was 6, he just upped and left my brother and I with our bi-polar mother. I haven't seen him since then." She put her hand in her pocket, "I left home as soon as I could, married Richard and we moved to Chicago so that he could finish medical school, and then he was supposed to help put me through. That didn't happen as you can see. I'm 2 years out from finishing, but I don't know if I ever will."

They finally stopped in front of the hot dog stand. "wow...we're really sad aren't we?" he asked with a laugh. Dug pulled out his wallet. "so Abby, how do you like your hot dogs?"

The man looked at Carter... "Why don't you call your sweetheart" he shouted at him. "Give me here cell number, and then i dial it and you can talk to her. Carter nodded. He gave him Abby's number and dialed it quickly. He heard her phone ringing ..." hope she picked it up.

"No, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." She said with a smile, "hum, let's see no boyfriend right now, so the works. Since I don't have to worry about the onion breath."

"ha-ha, my kind of woman." Doug said; hold up two finger to the vendor. "and two cokes please." he handed the man some money and handed Abby her food. Doug took a bite of his hot dog as they started to walk back. "that's what i hated about Seattle...not street dogs." he joked wiping the ketchup from his mouth.

"yeah its my personal belief that everyone had sad stories... but i think ours take the cake." he said clicking his coke can against hers. "you're pretty easy to talk to you know that?"

"Hey thanks." She said, "I try to be a good listener, sounding boards are always good to have." She said as she felt her phone vibrate. "Can you hold this for me?" Abby said handing Doug her dog as she flipped open her cell phone, "Abby Lockhart."

The man held it up to carter. "Abb...y"he said to her. "I don't ...have time to talk...but the guy called to tell you where I am"he said to her. He didn't want to sound scared, but he was really scared

Abby looked at Doug, with fear in her eyes, "Carter, where are you? What's going on?" She said at are near panic, "are you okay?"

I'm at some ware house, I don't recognize it, but its...in Chicago" he told her. The man took the phone. "If you want your boyfriend back bring me about as much money you have "He told her. He flung the phone at john. "I'm tied up..."he said to her.

"We'll get you out of this. Just hold on okay." She said into the phone. "But I need to know where to go."

"Ok..."John said to her. I'm near the last place called Mexican dining, I remember that restaurant" he told her. "Ok now say by sweet thing" the man said. John didn't want to show that he was scared at all. The man hung up on Abby, "Ah so your sweet things coming to get you. The man took his gun and shot him in the shoulder. "Now you be sore for a while" he told him. Carter couldn't believe how cold this man was.

"Heh" Doug grinned. he grabbed her hot dog as she answered her phone. he got nervous as her expression changed along with the tone in her voice. "everything ok?"

"John...John..." The line was dead. She stood there just staring at her phone.

Doug shook her arm. "Abby!" he said before snapping in front of her face. "what's going on?"

Carter hoped Abby recognized the restaurant that he was talking about near the ware house. He was tied up to the ability that he couldn't hold pressure on his bleeding shoulder. He was worried cause the bullet could go to his heart. "I hope your sweetheart gets here soon' " the words were repeating in his head. All he could think of was Abby, how much he loved her.

"Carter." She stammered, "someone kidnapped him, they want money, I'm supposed to go down to the Mexican place down by the warehouses."

Doug's mouth fell open. "you cant go Abby, we have to call the police."

Her face was as white as a sheet. "Someone has to go, and soon." She said looking at him, tears in her eyes, "I heard," she was choking back everything, "a gunshot, what if he's hurt or dying?"

Doug closed his eyes; he knew the police would take forever. "you said you know where this place is? lets go then..." Doug knew they shouldn't but he had to help his friend.

"A Mexican restaurant down by the warehouses." She said her hands shaking now. "I'll go, there's an ATM on the way. I can't ask you to go with me. You have the girls to think about."

"Hey if you're going I am too, and we're not bringing any money." Doug stuck his hand out to call a taxi. he looked back over at her and could tell she was in shock. "Hey, we both maybe stupid but we're in it together. Nothing is going to happen to him ok? i promise."

Abby walked over to the curb next to him, "Yeah," She put her fingers in her mouth whistled putting her leg into the street, getting the cab, "I know you won't let anything happen to him." she said sliding inside the cab, 2nd and Crawford." She told the driver.

Carter was trying to stay awake; he wanted to, he needed to, so he could see Abby one more time. He loved her with all her heart

Anna awoke to an empty room. She slowly pulled herself up in the bed. She was supposed to catch a flight to Huston tomorrow and it wasn't going to happen. She reached over and picked up the phone. Punching in her calling card number she dialed. The phone conversation was short, but at least she had managed to be able to keep the job offer open. She figured from the shape that she was in and how she felt right now that it would be stuck at County for at least another week. Her job would be waiting for her until the end of the month. She had gone to school with the head of the pediatric department at a hospital in Huston, and he was more than happy it seemed that she was interested in joining his staff. She put the phone back down and nestled back under the blanket to sleep. She knew the more she slept the faster her body would recover.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Doug was the first one out of the taxi when it stopped. He threw some money at the driver and helped Abby out. "come on." he said jogging around the back of the building. "this one?" he asked. "here I'll give you a boost up to the window; you tell me what you see."

Abby felt Doug lifting her up. "God it's dark in there." She said pressing herself up against the glass window. "Oh god Doug there he is. They are over in the corner." Abby wanted to just burst thought the window and grab him. "I can see Carter and another man. He's about 5'4, I'd say about 140 and holding a, I think it's a 9 mm."

"alright" Doug said letting her down. he took off his coat and laid it on the ground. after feeling in his pockets he pulled out a small pocket knife. "great" he said looking at it. "ok...you go over to the main door, make some kind of noise...do something. once i see the guy walk over ill hope through the window...just try to stall him but if he looks like he's going to grab you touch you whatever get out of there." Doug was talking quiet and fast. he was afraid for them all. he just wanted to get carter out of there. "go on go... and be careful"

Abby nodded, "you too." She said as she took off towards the main door. Make some noise this should be easy enough as her hands started to shake, "okay big boy come to mama." she said as she started to bang on the door as hard as she could. "Carter, come on let me in, I want to see John!" She screamed.

"Great" Doug sighed as he heard her yell. he was hoping for something a little more inconspicuous but it would work. he pulled himself up enough to be able to see into the window. at first the man didn't move. however after Abby banged enough he saw him walk out of sight. as quietly as he could Doug pushed open the window. he pulled himself up and over trying his best to land quietly inside. he pulled out his pocket knife and walked over to carter to look at him in the face. he was bleeding pretty bad but seemed to be holding up. "Hey John, it's me Doug." he whispered. "You ok? I'm going to get you out of here just be quiet."

Abby watched as the door slid open. She could now see inside the warehouse and Doug over by Carter. Just keep him distracted long enough for Doug to get Carter out of there. "Hey there." She said to him, "I think you and I need to talk. You have my boyfriend in there and I have what you want for me to get him back." Her hands were shaking. God Doug grab Carter and get the hell out of there. She took a couple of steps back from the man. "So just tell me what I need to do. What you want and I'll give it to you."

John watched as Abby talked to the man. "my...shoulder ...hurt...s" he said trying to stay a wake He had lost so much blood from the time he had shot him. The man walked over to Abby. "Where's the money?" He asked her letting her in

Abby didn't move inside. She tried to keep his attention focused on her, 'come on Doug get him out of there', "I have it, and don't you worry. I didn't come all this way to not give you the money." She said taking another step back, "it's out here in my car. Why don't we go get it?

"Fine lets go" The man shouted at her and followed her to her car. "Hurry give me the money you have" he said to her.

"Hey just calm down there big boy." Abby said smiling coolly at him. This wasn't her car, but she needed to buy Doug time to get Carter our of there. "I just have to find my keys."

"Come on carter" Doug said cutting the ropes and throwing him over his shoulder. he carefully pushed carter onto the window ledge. after jumping through himself he pulled carter down and set him on the ground placing his jacket under carters head. Doug ran around the building to find Abby and the man standing by the car. "hey!" he yelled, trying to get the man's attention hoping Abby would run.

"what pretty lady like you doing with a geek like that, you could do better" he said moving closer to her. "You deserver much better

Abby heard Doug's voice and elbowed the man behind her turning to run as fast as she could.

Doug took a step back waiting to see what the man was going to do. He didn't really want to get shot but if the man pulled a gun on Abby he knew he would have to take him down. "Hey what are you doing!" he yelled again, trying to keep him distracted. "oh god Doug what are you doing?" he thought to himself. he hoped Abby would find carter no matter what happened to him, and get john out of there.

Abby ran as fast as her legs would carry her around the backside of the building hoping that the man with the gun wouldn't shoot. She knew that Doug was standing out there in the open. She opened up her cell phone and dialed 911. She gave what information she could to the operator and then ran over to where Carter was, "hey baby were going to get you out of here." She said as she dropped down to the ground next to him.

Carter just watched as Doug got him out of there and then lay him on the ground under his jacket, well just his head. he heard him say Abby... "Abby...is...she ocher asked her

The man groaned in pain. "You bitch," he shouted at her

"Carter baby I'm fine." She said kneeling next to him. She pulled her scarf and used it to put pressure on his bleeding shoulder, "we're going to be okay, I promise, I'm going to get all three of us out of this."

"Abby I love you" he said to her "I' was...scared...i...never...see you again" he told her as he laid there. He looked at Doug

Where were the cops? Abby thought to herself as she sat next to Carter. "I know baby, but it's over now I've got you." She saw that Carter was looking where Doug had been standing. "He's going to get his ass shot." Abby said out loud. "Don't move baby." Abby said as she slid along side the building quietly. He had two girls that he needed to go home too, and right now Carter was safe and that was all that mattered to her. Abby could see the police car in the distance; they were approaching with their lights off. Thank god for small miracles, maybe then Doug wouldn't get shot. And they could all get out of here in one piece. She slowly moved back to where Carter was, as she checked on his shoulder. "Help's almost here." She said, "you just have to hold on for a little while longer."

The man turned to him. "Who the hell are you and what happened to that bitch?" he asked him.John looked at her..."I'm trying" he said to her He just looked at Abby as she held his hand, he tried to stay awake.

Doug was looking where Abby had run to and hadn't paid attention the fact that the man standing a few yards from him had a gun. "Ummm why don't you just put down the gun?" Doug said taking a few steps backwards. he was close enough to the corner of the building that, if he had to, he could try and run away. but he knew that was where carter was and didn't want to lead the man near him. "come on man. just put it down." Doug stepped back a few more. he could see Abby and carter together on the ground out of the corner of his eye.

The man looked at him. "Me put my gun down, why should I, I asked for money, and have I gotten it yet" He shouted. "I can kill your friend in there, if that is what you are to them" He shouted. "I only asked for her alone and the money she just had

"well that's not going to happen." Doug said. he could see the police were on their way. he just had to stall. the man was short; Doug knew he could take him if he didn't have that gun. "now come on...this isn't going to end well. if you just put that gun down, we wont press charges." Doug doubted if that was true, but he had to say something. he took a step forward this time to make sure that the crazy man in front of him would have to go through him to get to carter and Abby. "come on, don't be stupid about this. no one has to get hurt here."

"Yea why should I give you the gun" the man said to him. "you don't know what its like to have a family that messes up your life" He shouted. "Especially the Carter Family."He screamed. "There stinking rich" He said to him. "My family deserves better then that" He shouted, but at that moment, he dropped the gun on to the ground.

"I know." Abby said still holding onto his shoulder to keep the bleeding at bay. "We're almost out of here. Stay awake John."

Doug ran over and grabbed the gun to get it out of reach of the man. he saw the police were pulling up. Doug slowly walked back to where he could see carter and Abby. "is he ok?" Doug asked Abby. "the police are almost here."

"Yeah." Abby said looking down at Carter, "just get them back here!"

"All right" He said to her, He just started staring at her now, he felt more disoriented at where he was or what was happening. He was still trying to stay awake.The man was looking sober; he couldn't believe what he had done. "I Surrender" He shouted not believing he had made it easier for the police just there and then. He didn't see them, but then the police arrested him. "You ok Sir" The police asked Doug

Finally the police pulled up the hill with an ambulance not far behind. Doug handed them the gun and tried to explain as best he could. After he talked briefly to the officer he directed the paramedics to carter. "I'm a doctor, i can help. he's lost a lot of blood. we need to get him to a hospital right away. "Doug knew county wasn't the closest around, but he wasn't worried about carter dying on them. as they strapped carter onto the backboard Doug looked at Abby. she had blood all over her and was pretty shaken up. "are you ok?"

John just watched as they lifted him up onto the gurney, or more like into the ambulance. Well he never ridden a ambulance this way. He looked around for Abby; his eyes were still disoriented as he was trying to stay conscious for her. He knew that she needed him, and he needed her

Abby leaned back against the building, "I have never been so scared in my entire life. I'm just thankful that he's going to be okay." She paused for a minute. "Thank you Doug, thank you for sticking you neck out to help me."

Doug leaned back next to her. "Ahh... dont even think about it. I'm just glad my window climbing abilities are still up to par." he looked around the corner to see them shut the ambulance door. "do you want to ride with carter? i think there is room in there for one."

"Uh oh yeah, I want to but I don't want too," She said looking down at her blood stained hands, "but I'd better I guess. I'm sure that they could give you a lift too. I think I'd feel better knowing that there's a doc in there besides Carter."

John just laid there tired, why couldn't good things happen in stead of bad things. The paramedics had shut the door, and no sign of Abby. Paramedic: Hey one of you or both of you coming with us?" they asked looking around, before they drove off.

Carol was smiling to herself, glad she had Doug back in her life. They were getting along better. She had taken the bath, but she was now missing Doug. So she decided to go into work, just to be with him. She walked into the lounge and saw Kerry and Luka in there. "Hey you two" she said smiling not aware of the day's event on them

Kerry looked up, "Hi Carol." She said not moving from her perch on the couch, "Doug still at home?"

Abby climbed up into the back of the ambulance and sat down. She leaned against the side of it and reached for Carter's hand, her own still shaking from earlier events. "We'll be at County before you know it baby. We're going to take good care of you, you're going to be alright John, and you're going to be alright."

"What are you saying Kerry, he told me he had to come here for work or something, so I thought he was on shift" she said a little worried. Where was he now

John smiled at Abby as he was really trying to focus. "i...can't...stay...awake ...abby'He said to her."I...need...sleep" he told her. The paramedics put the oxygen mask on him.

Doug stood outside the ambulance. "I'll meet you guys there ok? you take care of him Abby." Doug shut the door and watched the ambulance drive off. he took a deep breath. "what a day" he said to himself. he walked back over and grabbed his jacket. he would have to get a new one without carter's blood over it eventually, but this would work for now. since the police didn't need anything else from him he slowly walked down the street to clear his head before going back to county? he was sure it would be the only time he would have to himself for awhile after he went back.

Abby put her head into her hands. "Just hold on John." Abby said to him as she felt the ambulance flying down the streets of Chicago.

Kerry looked at Carol, "I didn't page him, I thought that with Anna's death and Carter missing he would need some time off."

John watched as the ambulance was going fast. "I'm...hangin"but all of sudden his eyes closed. The paramedics looked at them. "Start compressions, this guys lost a lot of blood"Well he said he was called in Kerry, so I thought I come here and work with him today" she said. "And what do you mean Carters missing?" she asked confused.

Abby reached out opening the IV wide. He needed volume and he needed it now. Maybe they should have gone to Mercy or Northwestern than back to County. "Come on Carter." She said as she started compressions on her chest, "What's our ETA?" She said worried about him.

"Maybe some one else paged him in." Kerry said not wanting to upset her, "Carter's missing, I don't know anything more than that. The police are checking into it. "

The paramedics happened to look at her. "we're about two minutes to county" she said to her as they looked at him. "volume is still low" she said"Thanks Kerry I think I will call him on his cell, "she said worried about him. I hope carter's ok" she said to her

Abby grabbed another liter of saline and squeezed it in. She felt the ambulance pull to a stop in front of County, "oh thank god." She said as she pushed the back door open and helped pull the gurney from the ambulance. "Trauma one," She said as the headed inside. "Hey I need some help over here!" She snapped. "Carter's crashing hard."


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46: **

Doug walked down the streets. the sky was sunny but not even close to warm. he looked at his watch. it had been about 15 minutes. hopefully carter was at county now. he knew he would be expected to show up soon. "Ahh damn" he thought to himself. "i forgot to call carol." he had so much going on he hoped she would understand. he couldn't deal with another fight. he stuck his hand in the air to hail a taxi. after a few tries he finally got one. "Uhh County General please."

Abby was resuming compression on Carter's chest. "Come on Carter come on." She said looking for anyone that could help her, "Susan!"

carol heard Abby screamed. 'Its carter, we need to help her" she said to Kerry

"Let's go." Kerry said getting up off the couch. She at least got her 15 minutes. She looked at Luka before she left the room wishfully that she didn't have to leave. She went to find Abby thumping on Carter chest. She started a central line to increase the volume that was lost because of the gun shot. Kerry put pressure dressings over the wounds. "Okay let's move him upstairs so vascular can repair the torn artery." Kerry said snapping off her gloves. She looked at Abby she was covered in blood. "Abby are you hurt," Kerry asked.

Abby looked up at Kerry, "no, I'm not it's all his." She said, moving along side the gurney, "I'm going up with him."

Susan heard her name and flew to see what was going on but they were already taking carter up. "Abby you cant go up to vascular. why don't you just stay down here? they'll let us know what's going on." she felt bad that she hadn't been there when Abby first called her. the least she could do was help her now.

Abby looked at Susan a blank stare on her on her face. "Yeah you're right." She said as she looked at her hands and clothes, "I need to find some clean scrubs."

Doug paid the taxi cab driver and stepped into the ambulance bay. he didn't really want to go in. he figured if anyone needed him they'd call his cell phone. he sat on the bench outside the door to rest. he had carter's blood over his shirt and hands, "hazards of being a doctor." he joked to himself. he wanted to go and see how Anna was doing, but wasn't sure if she wanted to see him. he felt as if she were uncomfortable when he was in the room. he knew carol had to see him in small doses so he just sat in the snow and waited for someone to want to see him.

Susan gently pulled at her arm. "come on. we'll get you some. are you sure you're not cut too?"

Kerry had sent Carter up and stepped outside to see Doug sitting there on the bench outside the ER, she walked over to him and sat down next to him, "Is this a peaceful place to sit and think?"

Abby let Susan put her arm around her and lead her. "Yeah I'm not hurt," she said.

Doug turned and looked at her. He was glad Weaver had changed. Before he left she wouldn't have dared to sit next to him. "Well, it use to be..." he said with a grin."just kidding." he blew into his hands to warm them up. "Crazy week huh? how's Carter doing?"

Susan handed Abby some pants and a top. "I can't believe you were brave enough to go and rescue Carter by yourself...way to go Abs. and I'm sure he's fine, he's been through much worse." she smiled at her friend sad she couldn't do much more than after words. "do you need anything?"

"Yeah crazy week." She said, "Carter's going to be okay. We just sent him up to vascular to repair a torn artery in his arm, but he should be okay." She said looking at him, "for the first time in years, I can't believe I took a nap at work. 36 hour shifts aren't as easy as they used to be. How are you holding up?" Kerry asked him, "it's not like you to be sitting outside by yourself."

"I didn't, Doug went with me." She said, "I couldn't have done that myself. In fact, I can't believe that I let Doug go and do something so stupid with me, we all could have been killed. You're right, Carter's here, they can patch him up, we'll all be okay."

"Yeah we're all getting older." He said with a smile. "In case you haven't noticed I'm not exactly Mr. Popular at that moment… in my usual Doug Ross flare I managed to screw up another new start. I didn't even know it was possible to do that in under a week. You should call the record book." He said with a sigh. Doug knew even if Weaver was trying to be nice he was the last one that she wanted to get into a long conversation with. "Hey if you're getting slammed in there I can help out. Now that Anna's better I don't have a funeral to plan anymore so I'm kind of free." He said grinning at her.

"Well I think it's awfully brave Abby. Risking your life... now you and Carter have to get married." She joked. "Why don't you come sit or something, I'll get you some coffee." Susan walked with her to the lounge, "maybe once Carter gets better we can all hit up the lava lounge again… we could all use a good party after Anna…."

"No we are not getting slammed in there," she said to him letting the rest of his words sink in, "Anna's better, okay Doug. Why don't you go up and visit with her and then I'm going to put you back to work."

"Oh you haven't heard, I thought that Romano would be down here bragging his butt off." Abby said happy to have her mind somewhat off Carter's predicament. "Anna's alive."

Doug sighed and brushed the snow out of his hair. "I would be I don't think she wants to see me… I mean would you?"

"Doug, years ago you and I didn't get along. And here we are sitting and talking like we've always been friends. You're a good guy and she knows it. Right now she needs friends around her to help get her back up on her feet. I'm sure she would loved to be rescued from Robert."

Susan's mouth fell open. "WHAT! That's what I get for giving myself triage duty. I can't believe that! As much as Romano annoys everyone he deserves kudos for that one." Susan looked out the window at the falling snow. "Looks like you guys came in just in time; it's starting to come down out there. It's going to be a busy night."

"Why can't people stay home when it snows like this?" Abby said running her hand through her hair, "idiots I tell you, they are all idiots. I just want a hot shower and another cup of coffee."

Doug smiled. "yeah I guess anyone is better than Romano huh?" He patted her on the shoulder and stood up. He walked to the door and turned his head, "thanks Kerry… for everything." Doug walked in and went straight upstairs. Although he was dreading seeing Anna's reaction he needed to get it over with. Kerry was right, she needed friends. He gave a wave to the nurse at the SICU admit desk and pushed the door open to Anna's room and he stood in the doorway waiting for a reaction.

"I can get someone to cover for you Abby. I'm always on anyway. You should get Doug out of here too before he gets stuck. I know Weaver will understand if you take tonight off… besides I wouldn't trust the showers we have here. I think Jerry made a hole in the wall or something."

Anna shifted her weight when she heard the door open; she was surprised to see Doug standing there. "Hey there." She said smiling, "I am so happy to see someone other than Dr. Romano. Please tell me you are not here to poke, prod, or do so stupid test?"

"Oh God," she said laughing, "that I can so see Jerry doing. But I think I'll hang around for awhile. I haven't seen Doug come back. Maybe he went home first or something. Besides if I get sucked in Weaver has to pay me double overtime."

Doug shook his head and gave a weak grin. "No just here to make an appearance." He took a step in and took off his jacket. There was blood on his shirt. "I knew I should have changed before I came in here." He said looking down at himself. He walked over to the chair and tried to brush the rest of the snow out of his hair. "But at least it's going to be a white day huh?" Doug really didn't know what to say to her, seeing her alive was great but awful at the same time. He could only imagine what it was like for her.

Susan nodded. "Ohhh I should do that… but wait then I wouldn't have time to be set up on another blind date by my dumb friends." She joked handing Abby some coffee and sitting down. "You seem to be able to pick some pretty cute guys. Maybe if I stand next to you the ones you reject will see me? I think I might be worth a shot." Susan laughed picturing it in her head. "So you and Doug are action figures now huh? Hope Romano doesn't hear about this one or he'll lose the rest of his hair…. Speaking of Doug, you hadn't met him before he showed up last week had you?"

"Yeah," she said looking down at the bed as she fidgeted with the covers. "This is awkward. Look I've never died and come back to life before, so this is new for me." She said. She had thought about what she was going to say over and over in her head, too much free time on her hands now. "And I'm so sorry if I hurt you, really I am, I want us to be able to be friends. You're too good of a friend to lose over something like... well… oh god you must think I am some kind of rambling idiot. Robert said Kerry gave my job to a moonlighter and I know that my locker was cleaned out."

After his shoulder was repaired in surgery they moved him into the same room as Anna. The nurse smiled at Anna. "Looks like you got a roommate Dr. Del Amico." She said to her as they put Carter in the room.

Abby laughed, "yeah sure Susan, you can have my rejects. No Doug had left before I started." She said still laughing, "but he seems like a pretty good guy, confused but over all pretty good."

Doug started to say something but stopped when Carter was wheeled in. "Hey John." He was going to talk to him to save himself from dealing with Anna but quickly realized that the anesthesia medicine hadn't worn off yet. He sighed and turned back to Anna. "I didn't beat him up if that's what you think." He joked, "look it's not a big deal getting your job back, and you shouldn't even be thinking about that right now… or me. Just get better." He couldn't look her in the eyes when he talked; it was easier to pretend everything was okay if he didn't. "Carol put you things in a box that's sitting on my coffee table. Remind me and I'll bring it to you." He didn't know if he should let her know that he had read the letter. He figured it might be easier if she didn't.

Susan grinned, "oh yeah, just wait With Doug around here there is always drama. Don't get me wrong, he is a great friend… but confused is just the beginning. Just don't let too much of his charm rub off on you." She said poking Abby gently, "well you could always throw yourself into your work or something to end your worries, even if you're not worried, cause triage sucks if done alone." Susan said with a smile.

"Yeah get better," she said. You could have cut the tension in the room right now with a knife. 'What happened?' she thought to herself, 'other than he read your letter'/ She was silent for a few minutes, collecting her thoughts. "I didn't think you beat him up." She said smiling. "Romano does humor me by going over cases with me. Guess it's his idea of finding ways to spend time in here." She said, "which as grateful as I am for all that he's done is getting a little old. You know he thinks he's god's gift to women, but I hate to tell him that he's just not my type."

"Triage does suck." She said, "I can give you a hand doing it, really I'm not useless tonight. As for Doug's charms, don't worry I am completely smitten for Carter."

Carter was feeling a little groggy as he started to wake up from the anesthesia. Where was he? He didn't remember much of what happened. He was in a daze.

"Yeah well, someone has to." He said with a grin. "Rejection's tough but I'm sure he's dealt with it many… many times." Doug smiled again. It seemed as long as they weren't talking about each other everything was okay, but he knew they could only do that for so long. "Yeah you should have seen Abby today… she was so brave saving Carter like that. I don't know if she was scared at all at the time."

"Ha, ha, oh I know that. Nurse Abby the action hero… I kind of like that, think it would sell?" She said standing up. "I was only joking about triage but if you want to help you're more than welcome to. " Susan said putting her lab coat back on. "I think if I get stuff done now, by the time all the accidents come in I can slip out… but it's just my crazy fantasy. Actually, you should probably go and see Carter. I'm sure he's out and in the SICU by now."

"Must have been amazing." She said laying back down in the bed a little further. "Can't say that I would have been brave enough to do something like that. Oh who am I kidding, I wouldn't have. But I am glad he's okay." She said glancing at her new roommate. Anna cracked a smile, "next time you visit how about smuggling me in a pizza?" She was getting this feeling that he didn't want to be there that she was too uncomfortable for him to be around. He might have thought that he was hiding it from her, but she could read his face too well. She snickered; he was as crappy of a liar as Carter was.

Doug rolled his eyes. "I think Romano would end my life if I did that…. From now on I am staying out of your medical problems." He joked. He thought for a second about the way she said her comment thought and realized what she meant. "I guess that was my clue to leave huh?" Doug asked screwing on a fake smile.

Anna looked at him, moving in the bed. Her backside was killing her, shaking her head, "well not unless you need to." She said slowly but surely she got herself back upright. Romano had given her permission to sit up in the chair, as long as she didn't go any farther than there, "give me a hand would you, I want to sit up for awhile in the chair. It sucks talking to people when you are flat on your back." She said to him, "so no pizza, can't blame a girl for trying. I'd ask Romano but god he would think it was a date."

Carter was looking around, his shoulder hurt and he realized he had just had surgery. He turned and saw Anna and Doug talking. "Hey," he said groggily.

Abby thought for a minute, "yeah I should probably head up there. I thought that I would give him a little longer to recover from being knocked out." She laughed, "and I am not an action hero of any kind. Just an adrenaline junkie, that's why I work here with all of you."

Doug nodded, "yeah well… how bad do you want pizza?" He stuck out his hand for her to grab. He winced when she did. "Ahh, damn," he said looking at his hand, "I must have gotten some glass in it when I went through the window." He looked back at her and held out his other. "Didn't mean to let you fall there." He said pulling her up as he let out a deep sigh. He looked at his hand while he asked the question he'd been meaning to ever since he came in, "so where do we go from here?"

Susan nodded. "It's the best thing… hey you just go and see how he's doing. Page me later and I'll say hey to."

She slid into the chair, "thanks, I can't quite make it myself yet. I don't know where we go from here Doug. I can tell you how I feel, but I'm," She was going to say not Carol but quickly changed her mind, "I'm not sure where I stand with you. I know that I want us to be friends, you're too much fun not to have as a friend, it's okay I know you read the letter."

Doug bit his lip. He didn't want to talk about her leaving. He was glad that he heard Carter and could use it as an excuse. "Hey John." He said still looking at Anna. He gave her a look as if to say, I'm sorry and turned around to see Carter. "How you doing bro… kind of scared us there."

Anna pulled the blanket tighter around her, she saw his look but shrugged it off. She had, had to many serious conversations with him lately and really didn't want another one. She knew where she stood with him. One step behind, a moment too late, the wrong woman. The time wouldn't pass fast enough for her to get out of Chicago and away from the hurt of knowing she was second best.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Abby walked into the room, "hey Doug, Anna." She said as she crossed over to Carter's side. "Hey there handsome."

Carter looked at them. "Hi… Doug, Anna, Abby." He said laying his head back.

Doug looked at Abby. He knew that they should probably have some time alone. "See you later Champ." He said before standing back up. Doug grabbed his coat and looked over at Anna. She looked pissed and hurt. "I'll try and come back later." He said before walking out. "What a mess." He said to himself. As Doug walked down the stairs he looked at his watch. It was almost time to pick his girls up from school. Doug walked through the ER until he found Carol. "Hey," he said from behind her, "sorry to have kept ya, something came up." He said with a sigh. "I think I'm going to pick up Kate and Tess… if that's alright that is." He hoped Carol would let him see his little girls. He missed them more than anything and they always had a funny way of making him forget his problems.

Abby took his hand into hers and laid her head down on the pillow. She just wanted to be next to him right now.

Anna sat back after having watched Doug leave. There was nothing she could do that was going to make this right. She really wanted that pizza now, so she picked up the phone and dialed Romano's pager number. The privies of being what he called her, his golden beauty. If he thought it was a date so be it, it's not like she had anything left to lose. She left a simple message, beauty wants pizza. She watched Abby with Carter; even in this trying time you could see how much they loved each other. She couldn't figure out where she had gone from, but obviously she wasn't on the best of terms with the love gods. She moved slowly and carefully back into the bed. It took a lot of effort getting around and she hated it, she hated feeling so helpless, so out of control, so split in two. She laid back down on the bed, her back to Carter and Abby and closed her eyes to await her pizza.

Carol looked up at Doug, "yeah sure, I'm filling in for Abby anyway. I'm sure that they would love to see you."

Doug gave his usual half grin. "Good… I'll have them at your house no later than... well call me when you get off. I'm not on until tomorrow." Doug left quickly the daycare closed soon and he knew he'd have to run to catch them. After going half way across town he checked in just in time. "There are my girls." Doug bend down and picked them both up. "Arrr, you're huge." He jokes as they all laughed. "Okay girls… I hope you thought of like 300 fun things to do because tonight's all ours. So what will it be?" Doug asked setting them both down. "I'm hungry Daddy," Tess complained. "Can we have dinner?" Doug looked at his watch, it was only five. "Well it's a little early for dinner darlin'. If I feed ya now you'll be hungry later." At that Kate and Tess put on their best pout faces. Doug rolled his eyes and sighed. "Ok, ok, what do you girls want?" They both looked at each other, "PIZZA!" They yelled. Doug laughed at them both. "We can't have pizza, your mother would kill me… think of something healthy. How bout a salad or something. We could go rent a movie?" Again they looked sad and crossed their arms. "Boy you are your mother's daughters." Doug sighed looked at them he had a thought. "Hey… how about I buy us a big cheesy pizza, but we have to go and say hi to a friend of mine. She's not feeling too well but I think we would all make her smile. What do you say… will you help me make her smile?" Both girls nodded happily. "Okay," Doug said catching his breath. "Don't tell your mother."

Anna stretched the best that she could. Her chest was still sore but that would pass eventually and her stitches itched. She looked at the clock on the wall it was a little after 5 now. She saw Abby curled up sleeping next to Carter, it was so cute. She noticed a note stuck beside her bed. She recognized the handwriting - - Can't tonight beauty, 4:30 Whipple surgery, tell you about it tomorrow. Man she was going to have to eat that hospital food again. She flipped on the television, nothing good was on. So she moved and curled up in the chair near her bed to stare out the window to pass the time. Her eye lids were still heavy and it didn't take long for the falling snow to put her back to sleep.

Doug stuck to coke bottles in his pockets while he balanced a pizza in one hand, Kate on his shoulders, and Tess stuck holding his other hand. The snow was falling pretty hard now and his girls were getting restless. "Come on Daddy your slow." Tess called from his neck. "I want to be on your shoulders too," said Tess. Doug was about to go nuts. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." He said to himself. Shortly after that they reached County. Doug walked in with his girls. He put Kate down and looked at both of them. "Okay, we're going to have a lot of fun ok? But you two need to be kind of quiet and stay near. We are going to visit someone very special and make her happy so get ready… you're gunna love her." Doug gathered them both again and headed for the elevator. One he reached the SICU he was warmed by the head nurse that visiting hours were almost over. Doug just nodded and looked into the room. He could see Abby and Carter sleeping and Anna by the window. "Ok... let's be quiet girls." He said opening the door. Doug pointed to a spot on the floor. "You two just sit here for a second." He said before walking over to Anna. He held out the box of pizza in front of her nose hoping the smell would wake her up. "Rise and shine." He whispered.

Anna thought that he senses were deceiving her "is that pizza?" She asked opening her eyes, "I thought that I wasn't getting any today?"

"Yeah well," Doug said kneeling down beside her, "you weren't but I can't say no to three women in one day." He said looking over at Kate and Tess who were playing on the ground. "Hope you don't mind… I had to pick them up from school since Carol is working, but hey!" Doug said pulling out a coke bottle from his pocket. "I'm never out of contraband."

Anna smiled, "no I don't mind, oh thank god for contraband. You don't know how badly I have wanted this." She said trying not to laugh cause she knew it would hurt, "and just who are you two?" Anna asked seeing the girls her face lit up.

Doug looked over at his two daughters as well. "Hey come here." He said waving them over. The two girls walked over to their father. "There are my two kiddos… this is Kate." He said giving her a kiss, "and this one over here…" Doug reached for Tess as she walked away. He grabbed her just in time and pulled her into a hug, "this one is Tess." Doug's face lit up when he looked at his daughters; they really were the best part of him. "Girls, this is my friend Anna. Can you two say hi?" Both girls shyly looked up at her. "Hi Anna." They said at the same time. After a moment Kate looked at Doug. "Daddy can we have pizza now?" Doug put on a fake serious face. "Now? You little… arrrr," he picked her up and spun her around. "Arrr." He yelled as he played with her. He held her in his arms and looked back at Anna. "Well if Anna gets back into her bed then maybe we can sneak in some pizza before we have to go ok?" Kate looked up at her father. "Ok daddy." Hearing that Tess pulled on Anna's arm, "come on Anna, lets have pizza." Doug set Kate down, "now hold on darlin, and don't pull on he." He said as he walked over to help Anna up. Doug couldn't help but smile. This was the best way he could think of to spend time with Anna and cheer her up. "Sorry about that, need some help?"

Anna couldn't help but smile even though it hurt. "It's really okay." She shifted to get back into the bed, "yeah a hand might be nice. Besides I think that two little girls really want me back in that bed so that we can have pizza." Doug was so cute with his girls she had to smile watching him interact with them. She could tell instantly what they meant to him and how important they were in his life. She was really going to have to think long and hard about what she was going to do now.

Doug took her hand and helped Anna to her bed. After he pulled up a chair, Kate and Tess ran to sit in his lap. Doug set the box on the bed and opened it up. After handing each girl a piece he took one for himself. After stuffing some pizza in her mouth Kate looked up at him. "Hey Daddy, are you staying with us tonight?" She was so cute Doug had to grin. He knew what she meant though so he sighed before answering, "Yeah baby I am." "Will you read to us when we get home?" Tess asked. "Well after we tuck Anna in here we'll go and I'll get you guys cleaned up and you can pick out a book as long as it's short ok?" Doug winked at Anna as he took another bite of pizza. "Will you sing to Anna like you sing to us when we get tucked in?" Kate asked innocently. Doug blushed as he kept his eyes locked on Anna. "I don't think Anna wants me to sign to her." He said wiping Tess's mouth.

Anna just looked at Doug as she shoved the much wanted pizza into her mouth. They were so cute as a family. But hearing that Doug was staying with the girls tonight, probably meant that he was staying with Carol too, her heart was both happy, happy that he was going to be with his children and broken because even though she wanted it, it hurt knowing that he was once again Carol's. "Oh no don't say that." She smiled at him, "I do want you to sing to me. I want the whole kit and caboodle here. And if that's part of getting tucked in well who am I to say no."

Doug smiled at her as he shook his head. "Thanks a lot." He joked. "Okay girls it's time to go." Doug set them both down. "Put your coats on okay?" He shifted his attention from them to Anna. "I think that they had fun, I know I did." He said with a grin. "Thanks for putting up with them. You have to pay like 50 bucks extra for even second you're late at the daycare and I didn't have anyone else to watch them but…" Doug looked at the head nurse who was now giving him dirty looks. "Don't tell that Nazi nurse out there that I gave you pizza ok?" He closed the box and brought Anna's blanket up around her arms. "Me singing is a scary thing." He teased with a smile. "I think that they like it just cause I lay down with them." It was getting back to the awkward situation they had before. "You have my cell number right? Call me tonight… I mean if you need to. I'm all alone with the munchkins and they're usually out by eight or nine so…" Doug ran out of words to say. "get better okay?" He said kissing her forehead. Doug stood up straight and looked at his girls. "Alright kiddos…" Doug said grabbing them both up into his arms. "Here we go." Doug said as they walked to the door. He turned and stopped in the doorway and shot Anna a wink. He didn't have the right words but he hoped his look gave away what he was trying to say. That he was glad she was okay and now he had to work on himself and his family. "Okay." He said walking out.

"Night," She said snuggling down under the blanket. It had been a long day, and she wasn't sure now what to make of any of this. If anything she was more confused. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. She hoped that with Carter's snoring that she would be able to get some rest. Worse case she would page Romano and have them give her something. Or she'd call Doug later after the kids were in bed, even though she had no idea what she would say to him.

Doug walked out of the ER with his girls and hailed a taxi. after a short ride the three of them were at home. it looked as if Kate and Tess were more tired then normal. already they wanted to get into their PJ's. after the three of them changed Doug tucked them in and read, 'the cat in the hat'. that was his favorite part of most days, reading to his girls. by seven thirty they were asleep and Doug went into his bedroom and turned on the basketball game. he tried to relax but it was still bugging him that he had left things the way he did with Anna. he went over a thousand things he would say to her in his head if she called him. most of it sounded cheesy, even to him. he looked out the window and watched the snow fall. something had to give in his life and he knew it...he knew he couldn't have both Anna and carol, and he knew Anna would never be happy being just his friend.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Carter's snoring was keeping Anna awake and Romano was still in surgery so it would be awhile before she could get orders for something to sleep. She reached over for the phone and dialed Doug's number. She hoped that she wasn't disturbing him. She waited until she heard his familiar voice on the end of the line, "hey, hope I'm not bugging you, but Carter's snoring is evil."

Carter just watched as he woke up and felt Abby next to him. He smiled when he saw Doug and his girls visiting Anna. He was just glad Abby was with him

"Hello" Doug said answering the phone. He grinned when he recognized who it was. "Just stick a pillow over his head or something." he said joking back. Doug clicked the TV on mute and scooted back to lean against the backboard of his bed. "So what's up, everything ok?" Doug really didn't think that Anna was going to call he; he hoped that nothing had gone wrong, but rather that she just wanted to talk to him.

"Everything is okay." She said moving her self so that she was resting against her pillows. "You said that if I wanted to call I could, I'm not interrupting anything am I? I wasn't sure if you'd still be busy with the girls, I'd hate to intrude on father/daughter time."

"ha-ha, no actually i think we wore them out. they are already in bed. all it took tonight was a little cat in the hat." he said smiling to himself. "yeah i know i told you to call, mostly cause i know how it is to be in a room by yourself, and i didn't want you to be lonely...the other part is i thought i owed you a goodnight song." he said teasing her. "so really, what's up?" he said in a more serious tone.

She heard his voice change from teasing to a more serious nature as he asked her what was up. She wasn't sure what to say as her mind went in a million different directions all at once. "Nothing is up, just sitting here." She said she made a small but feeble attempt to change the subject, "I watched the Philly play for a little bit but what can I say other than that. There's not much to do. At least not until tomorrow when I am sure I will be wishing that I was still in this bed and not the mercy of that Nazi nurse in the hall and the psycho physical therapist."

Doug laughed hearing Anna. He liked the way she always seemed to make him do that. "Well, you know what they say...if it doesn't kill you it makes you want to kill the person doing it." he said with a small chuckle. "Yeah i was watching the bulls play on ESPN, but there's nothing like being there for real..." Doug wasn't sure what to say. he could have small talk with her for hours but it wouldn't get anything done. he wanted to know if she was in fact moving, but didn't have the heart to flat out ask her. instead he decided to side step the question. "you know i was telling Abby about how i use to sail. carol gets seasick so i was thinking that maybe when it gets warmer you could go with the girls and me."

She almost now didn't know what to say. The small talk seemed to have instantly ended with that one question. It would hurt for her to answer that one. She could side step it with a broad answer, blatant lie even, "I don't know about that Doug, I'm not very good with boats." She said knowing full well that if she was going to it would have to be when she visited her family that was here in Chicago. Part of her wanted so much to say that she'd stay, but deep inside her, knowing that she was complicating his life, made her want to run. "bite the bullet Anna and tell the man the truth', her conscious screamed at her, "But I think that maybe I might be able to work something out and go with you and the girls when the weather is warmer. Lake Michigan is a nice place to be in the spring and summer." How could she lie like that? Well it wasn't a complete lie, but even little white ones could get you into a lot of trouble. She had managed to completely side step the truth. She leaned into the pillows even further. Did he want her to stay? Could she stay? Seeing Doug with his girls had made her so happy for a brief moment in time, but if he was to not be with Carol would she let him be active in their lives, she couldn't be the one that came between them. She wanted them to remain friends for as long as she remained in Chicago, knowing as hard as it might be that was all they could be for now. "Sailing with Tess, Kate, and you sounds like it would be fun. Something that I would suck at but fun anyway." She almost wished that Romano would get out of surgery and knock her ass out so that she wouldn't have to have this conversation with him. She had to admit that right now she was being a chicken. But they needed to get it out in the open, maybe it would reduce some of the awkwardness that had developed between them, but she didn't know how to tell him, how to tell him the truth. "Romano said that if I can behave myself, he might let me out of this prison in a week."

Abby snuggled closer next to John. She was tired and it felt so good to be snuggled up next to him. She didn't open her eyes but whispered, "I love you John." As she drifted back to sleep.

Doug grinned. From what she was saying it sounded to him like she was going to stick around. "that's great Anna. if he doesn't I'll have to play SWAT again and pull you through the hospital window like i did for carter...yeah i think it would be fun to sail. if you like it ill take you back out so it can be just us." as soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted saying them. "Uhh so anyway once you get back to work ill be a happier person, i think weaver has be overbooked on my shifts. i have 2 doubles in one week...the life of s peds doc huh?" just as he said that Kate walked into his room. "daddy i think there is something under my bed." she said with tears in her eyes. Doug sighed in the phone. "ok baby hold on a sec." he said to her. "hey Anna, i have to go kill the bed monsters. if you have any late night jones for contraband give me a call and ill hook ya up ok?" he said standing up and walking into the girl's room.

"Yeah go kill those bad monsters under the bed." She said, "I'll call you if I get anymore joneses for contraband." She reached over to hang the phone up, because one she said it she knew that there would be no going back on it, "I'll talk to you later Doug, I'm sorry. But I'm not working at County anymore." As she hung the phone up.

"Wha..." Doug looked at his phone as she hung up on him. everything had been going fine. had he said something wrong? the part that pissed him off was that he knew he had no way of calling her back. He tucked his girls back into bed and walked into his kitchen. he could only pace. "what the hell!" he said to himself. he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after this; he needed to know what happened. he would have left then and there to go and talk to her but he had his girls and he couldn't leave them home alone. he knew she had done that on purpose and it made him more angry than hurt. after drinking a glass of water and walked back into his bedroom. he knew there was nothing he could do about it tonight so he might as well try and get some sleep. he laid down wide awake and stared at the ceiling. he wished carol was home, at least then he would have someone to talk to. "maybe i was wrong" he thought to himself. "maybe she really doesn't like me. i mean i have a good thing with carol. why should i risk that to try and be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?"

What the hell had she just done? She'd kick her own ass but right now that wasn't physically possible. She laid there staring at the ceiling it was going to be a long, long night. Was she doing the right thing? Life could be so cruel. Nothing was right with this, but phones worked both ways. If he wanted to talk he could, if he wanted her to stay then he would tell her, wouldn't he? Right now she didn't know anything, but what her head and heart were screaming at her. She didn't think that he wanted them to go back to the way that things were and now she would know for sure, if he didn't call, if he didn't come by again, the deal would be sealed and she'd be on her way out of here. She didn't hold back her tears as they silently ran down her cheek.

Doug couldn't sleep. He dialed the number to the SICU. The nurse on the other end knew who he was and didn't like him much. She told him it was too late for Anna to have a phone call and to come by tomorrow when visiting hours were. "You don't understand...this is an emergency!" he lied. He was a doctor and he was pissed that a nurse wouldn't let him talk to a patient. "Damn it fine!" he said hanging up the phone hard. "Ahh this sucks." he said rubbing his face. Since he couldn't sleep he decided to jump in the shower. "Maybe that will help me think." he said to himself.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49:**

Anna against her better judgment couldn't let it go. She didn't want them to part like this. Nazi nurse out there could come in and take away her phone for all she cared. Besides, Robert wouldn't let her have to suffer. She knew that all she would have to do is bat her eyes and Robert would jump for her. As sick as that was, she knew it was true and didn't mind playing him to get her way. She picked up the phone holding it in her hands for what seemed like and eternity. She must have picked it up and set it down fifty times before finding the courage to dial it. What had her so scared? She couldn't understand why she would be so afraid of this. But what was this, was there anything there. Here she was alone, and she didn't know if the man on the other end of the phone was going to some how strangle her thru the phone or just flat out hang up on her. She dialed and waited. There were no excuses for what she had done. No rhyme or reason to why she was calling him back, but she knew that she needed to set this straight, even if it meant taking the wrath of an angry Doug, she couldn't blame him if he was upset.

Doug had the radio turned on in the shower. he let the water run over his head as he leaned against the wall. he didn't really understand what all was going on in his life but he trusted that things would work themselves out eventually. he had looked for such a long time for someone he could truly love...and now he had found two. he knew Anna would never tell him if he had anything to do with her decision to leave but he knew it was all about him. Doug figured the best thing to do was not to interfere with her life anymore. if she wanted to talk to him she would call or come see him. he never heard his cell phone ring in the other room. after a few rings it clicked to his voicemail. "Hey, this is Doug Ross. Sorry I missed you but if you leave a message I'll be sure to call you back." Doug stood in the shower and closed his eyes. it was the only time he had to be truly by himself all day. even when he was on the street it seemed like he couldn't think. he didn't know what had happened to him that some woman could just come into his life like that and twist it upside down. "Who does she think she is?" he said angrily out loud. after a moment he answered himself. "the woman with my heart." it hurt to say it out loud. like most things, Doug thought if he didn't say it then it wasn't true. as long as she never knew maybe he could save some of his dignity. he could easily play the stoic one and keep a stone face while he was around her. he would be the only one who would know it was an act. "that's the best thing to do" he said as he lied to himself. he knew if Anna ever did call him he would drop everything to make time for her...but if she didn't then he would somehow make it through the days...not quite as happy but he would make it none the less. although he didn't know where he stood with carol, he wasn't sure it would work out. the idea of them was great but in reality he knew they had both lost their spark, he knew Carol would realize it soon if she already hadn't. It was only a matter of time before he would be alone again.

His voice mail. How was she going to smooth it over talking to his voice mail? "Hey it's Anna, I was thinking that I might have overreacted earlier, you know those head injuries have a tendency to do that to you. But what I really want to say is that I'm sorry." She said into the phone. She didn't know if he was sleeping or just so pissed he saw the number on the phone and refused to answer it. "Yeah and well hey I'd love to talk to you but that Nazi nurse out there, well I think she really hates me. But hey you know what she's off. Thank god for small miracles. She's been out there all day giving me the evil eye. Okay guess I'm rambling now. I'm off to watch the snowfall." She said as she hung up the phone. And moved awkwardly into the chair. She put her feet up watching the snow flakes dance as they fluttered to the ground.

Doug turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. he threw a towel around his waist and walked into his bedroom to look for some warm night clothes. while he was looking for his flannel pants he saw the light on his cell phone blink. "who would have left a message?" he thought. "surely not Anna." he walked over and pressed the phone against his ear to hear who it was. he was really surprised to hear her voice. maybe he was wrong after all. he threw on his pants and went to grab some ice cream before going back into his room again. since she left a message all he had to do was press 'reply' Doug laid on his bed and pressed the button hoping she would answer the phone.

Anna jumped when her phone rang, who would be calling her this late, oh hell who would be calling her period. She sat up knocking the phone onto the floor, she watched as the receiver fell just out of her arms reach, "hold on god damn it come back here you bloody little phone. okay, okay who ever is on the other end hold on I can't get the phone." She said using her leg to catch the phone cord and pull it back to where she could reach it, "Sorry about that, hello."

Doug pulled the phone away from his ear. her voice was loud and it sounded like she was out of breath. "Uhh hey?" he said not quite sure what was going on. "just returning your call, actually i was about to hang up. everything ok?"

"Everything is fine." She said as readjusted herself in the chair, "I just had phone trouble, it well ran away from me." She said softly laughing, "and you know I can't bend over yet worth squat so I had to get creative to get the little bugger. I'm glad you called."

Doug laughed at her. "Gotta be smarter than the plastic." he joked. "Yeah sorry I wasn't here when you called, i was in the shower. but i did get your message." Doug was going to let her explain this one on her own time. he figured since she called him back she would have to lead the conversation for once.

"I uh, wanted to say that I'm sorry." She said taking a deep breath, "I know that wasn't what you were expecting to hear from me and I'm sorry Doug. I care about you I really do, but it's just that well," She was at a loss for words, "I want us to be friends Doug, nothing more than that right now. We both have a lot going on. I mean I'm facing a messy divorce; you have Carol and the girls. "She was silent for a minute."You and I have something special, the knack for knowing what the other one needs, I don't want to muddle that with trying to start a relationship, besides I heard thru the grapevine today that Doug and Carol are back together." She was glad that they were on the phone and not in person so he couldn't see her heart breaking, "But I don't have to take that job in Huston, I can pass on it...I'm sure that I can get back on the staff here once I get medically cleared."

Doug set the phone on his chest for a second. he didn't want to get into a fight with her but this was getting to be a little much. finally he picked up the phone again. "look..."Doug had to pause and think what he was about to say over."Don't put your life on hold for me...and don't tell me that you care about me." Doug could feel himself choking up but he had to say this. "I have plenty of people who care about me. I'm just really sick of this...I'm always feeling terrible, horrified of hurting you. Carol and I haven't talked yet so i don't know if we're back together or not but it shouldn't matter. it shouldn't change the way you see or feel about me." he could hear in his voice the anger he didn't want her to notice. he wanted to give her time to respond and himself a few moments to pull it together. "so much for being stoic." he thought to himself.

"Ohhh." She was so ready to scream, "Damn it Doug. I love you, and loving you means putting my life on hold. It means sitting and waiting for you to decide what you want, not what I want cause I know what I want." She would have throttled him if she could at that very moment. She tried to keep her voice low as to not to wake up Carter and Abby, they didn't need to know what she was saying, "I thought I had all the time in the world for us to sort things out, to sit in the wings and wait, but you know what having my head split open and my chest cracked opened my eyes that live was short and that I can't wait sit and wait for forever. I am not going to be a home wrecker, or come between a family. So what do you want me to do?"

"Ahh!" Doug yelled into the phone. "you are the only person that drives me this insane!" Doug bit his lip. he know he should shut up now and be smart but she had him too pissed off and he couldn't help it. "You know what...I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. Every time I talk to you I get hurt...I don't feel..." Doug's head was telling him to shut up but he was going down in flames and he couldn't stop. "I don't love you...i never have. these past few days have been a total nightmare! God help me it was a mistake. I'm sorry I kissed you and I'm sorry I slept with you. I used typical Doug Ross moves and got exactly what I wanted...a rebound relationship and I'm sick of dragging it on!" With that Doug slammed his phone closed. He sat in his bed and let his brain catch up with the words he had just said. "Oh damn it!" he said putting his head in his hands. There was no going back on it now; he knew she'd never forgive him after this.

Anna threw the phone as hard as she could nearly missing Robert's head. She looked up at him tears in her eyes. That had hurt, how dare he say that. She felt Robert sit on the bed next to her pulling her into a hug. She put his head down onto his shoulder and just cried. Letting him comfort her, she needed someone right now and he just happened to be there. She felt him stroke her back, and him whispering "there, there, beauty." Her eyes still full of tears, "I never want to see him again. Doug can go to hell." She said as he laid her down on the bed holding her hand as she sobbed herself to sleep.

"oh god damn it." Doug said to himself again. he threw himself back onto his bed. he almost laughed at how stupid he was. he sighed at he grabbed his alarm and set it for 5:30. "if she wasn't going to hate me before she does now." he pulled his blanket over him and tried to sleep. it was almost ten and he hadn't gotten good nights sleep since he had arrived in Chicago. after a half an hour he had calmed himself down enough to slip into a sleep. he convinced himself that he could avoid her...for tomorrow at least.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50:**

Romano stretched and glanced at the clock, almost 7... He had spent the night sleeping next to Anna. Whatever Dr. Ross did he sure upset his patient. He noticed that she was still sleeping so he slipped out of the hospital and bought the poor woman flowers and a latte, to try to cheer her up. He went back upstairs and set them by her bed as she started to wake up.

Anna smiled when she saw the flowers, "Oh Robert you shouldn't have thank you."

Robert looked at her, "think nothing of it beauty." He said to her holding out her cup of coffee.

Annawas happy to have it. "Hey I have a favor to ask you, I have a job opening up for me in Huston and I really need to get down there, what about springing me from here." She said smiling at him.

"You haven't had any complications, everything seems to be going well, tell you what, you give me a good day of pt, behave yourself and I will clear you to fly tomorrow." He said to her.

Anna smiled back at him and nodded, "you have yourself a deal Robert." She was going to get out of Chicago as fast as her legs would carry her.

Robert looked at her, "hey I have some things that I have to do, but I'll check in with you in a little bit." He got up and left her room.

As soon as her door shut Anna was on the phone with the travel agent, getting her one-way ticket to Huston.

Robert walked down to the ER, what the hell was Doug thinking. He spotted him as he walked into the hospital and Robert followed him into the lounge. He was hell bent of giving him an earful for upsetting Anna after all she had been through. "Dr. Ross you have one hell of a nerve, what the hell we're you thinking?"

Doug had woken up late and had a hard time getting his girls ready to go to school. He had missed breakfast, barely slept the night before and spilled coffee on himself walking in. he walked into the lounge and opened his locker to throw his stuff in. as he worked on his combination he saw Romano come in behind him out of the corner of his eye. Doug thought nothing of it until Romano started to give him grief. this was the last thing Doug needed right now. "not right now Robert." he said in a low tone hoping Romano would get out but seriously doubted it.

"Not right now, I'm sure that on any other day that would get you off but not today. I could care less if you're head was on fire." Robert said getting angry, "do you realize that I spent the entire night sitting in the SICU because you had the balls to upset one of my patients? I don't appreciate going to such lengths to have some doctor come in and undo it all. That kind of stress could have set her back weeks." Robert was livid with him.

As Doug listened to him he couldn't control his temper anymore. who was this guy to get into his life; he didn't know what was going on. in a second Doug turned around and grabbed Romano by the shirt and slammed him into the lockers. he lifted him off his feet to bring him up to eye level. "Don't you dare tell me what to do with my life?" Doug yelled slamming him back again. The muscles in his arms flexed as he grabbed Romano's shirt as hard as he could. "You have no idea what I've been through and so help me god if you ever get in my face again I'll tear you a new one, now leave me the hell alone!" Doug yelled at the top of his lungs tossing Romano to the floor.

"You're on thin ice Dr. Ross." He hissed back, as he headed for the door, "consider yourself suspended, and yes I have every right to do that as your chief of staff. Be thankful that I didn't fire you on the spot for that." He said walking out the door.

Doug banged his head into the locker after Romano left. "Ahh Doug, how stupid can you get?" Things were shaping up to be another miserable day. He walked out to see if he could talk things over with Weaver. After little searching he found her by admit. Maybe Romano hadn't spoken with her yet. If she was short doctors she wouldn't suspend him. "Hey Kerry." he managed to croak out.

Kerry looked up at him, "I don't want to know about it, but whatever you did, I just had a screaming Romano come flying by here mumbling something about suspending doctors and doctors upsetting his SICU patients..." She said rubbing her eyes. "You have got to smooth whatever it is over and do it fast. I am running out of staff. And the last thing that any of us need me included as an irate Romano."

Doug sighed "Kerry the guy friggin deserved much worse. what do you want me to do? go and apologize to him?"

Kerry threw her hands up into the air, "Doug I want you to do everything short of kissing his ass." She said looking at him seriously, "I don't care if he deserved to have a helicopter fall out of the sky onto him, but fix it. He's my boss to and whether or not I like it I have to respect his management decisions."

Doug threw his head back and sighed. "fine...but only cause i need to work." he took off for the surgical floor where he asked around for Romano only to find he had gone to see Anna. "Ahh damn" he thought to himself. Doug walked into the SICU with his head down. This was the last place he wanted to be. He kept his head down and back to the door. He opened the door a crack and stuck the back of his head inside the room. "Dr. Romano may I please speak with you?" His voice now controlled but firm. He hoped Anna was sleeping and wouldn't notice him.

Anna laughed and smiled at Romano, "go on go talk, I'm going to go down and raid the lounge's coffee." She said pushing by Doug. She had just finished her pt and convinced Romano to bring her scrubs so she could meander around. She just glared at Doug as she slowly made her way down the hall on her own power.

Romano stepped out in the hall and watched Anna walk away. "What do you want Ross."

Doug glued his mouth shut as Anna walked by. He knew better than to say anything to her. He took in a deep breath and turned to look Romano in the eye. "Look, I'm sorry about pushing you earlier. I had no right after everything you've done. I didn't mean to upset Anna last night, and you're right. That's the last thing she needed." He took another breath; it was hard for him to pretend to be so nice to a scumbag like Romano. "Look, I'll do ER scut work if you want but Kerry really needs docs today and I'm the only peds one on call so I know everyone would appreciate it if you let this situation slide...it'll never happen again." Doug tried his best to look sincere; it was hard sucking up to anyone, much less Romano. "Look if you won't do it for me think of the patients. It's snowing today and it's going to be busy."

Romano took a deep breath in. "I don't want to see you up here; you need to send a patient up here, have someone else do it." Romano said as he watched Anna slide into the surgeon's lounge. "At least until she is discharged tomorrow. You're walking a thin line with me, but because we are down doctors I will let this incident slide for now. I'll keep her up here, but you stay down there."

"Yes mother." Doug smirked as he turned around. he couldn't stand being ordered around. he walked past the surgeons lounge and looked in the small window at Anna. he was surprised she was getting out so soon. maybe it would be good for her to get back to work. once they worked together he would make things right. looking at her made him stop in front of the door. it hurt him to see her so upset and know without a doubt that he was the one who had done it. he wanted to keep moving but his feet wouldn't let him. "god I'm sorry" he whispered to himself forgetting Romano was behind him.

"Your loss my gain." Romano said pushing the door open to the lounge and letting the door shut behind him as he crossed over and sat down next to Anna. "Hey beauty find what you were after?" He asked her.

Anna smiled, "yeah, hot coffee that isn't watered down." She might not have been happy at that moment, but she was going to butter him up to get out of there. "Thanks for everything Robert." She said leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.

Doug clenched his jaw. he hated Romano and he hated Anna equally as much for being next to him. he punched the door hoping to disturb them and walked back down to the ER. "Got my job back." he said roughly to Weaver. Right now he could care less about being disrespectful. he slammed the doors open to the lounge and picked the first thing he found and threw it across the room.

Kerry heard the familiar bang of something being thrown. She wasn't sure what had gone on but something wasn't right. She figured it was probably best to let him vent as long as he wasn't hurting anyone. She would go upstairs and talk to Robert later. She put her hand on the door, "hey Doug you okay in here?"

Doug put his hands behind his head and almost laughed. He must have been louder then he thought for Kerry to hear him "oh yeah" he said turning around. he grabbed his stethoscope and pushed open the door to be face to face with Kerry. "excuse me dr. weaver." he said trying to get past her.

"Yeah sure Doug." She said letting him by. She wasn't going to pry or push, that wasn't her place. She watched him go, wondering how her ER could fall apart so fast. She headed upstairs while it was slow to talk to Robert. When she got upstairs she found him sitting talking to Anna who was sitting in scrubs in the surgeon's lounge. She walked in, "do either one of you care to tell me what's going on?" She said asking them.

"Not really." Anna said as her smile faded. "I have some phone calls that I need to make. But really Robert I do thank you for everything that you've done for me." She then turned to Kerry, "I'm sorry that I can't give you a formal two weeks, but I think that my death spoke for me." She continued, "But I will not be coming back to work at County. I'm sorry Kerry but working here isn't going to work. There's too much going on but I appreciate everything that you have done as well." She looked at Robert, "you'll have me out to catch that 10 am flight right?" She just watched as he nodded and she left the room. Leaving Kerry to talk to Robert.

Doug went to sit in the cafeteria until he got paged down. he felt like he had no friends in the whole hospital. Abby, maybe Susan were the exceptions. he knew Susan was probably home and he didn't knew where Abby was. he didn't see her when he went to the SICU but he figured she would be there all day. he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. after thinking on it a little he came to one clear conclusion. "my life sucks." he said out loud

Abby had come down to get something to eat after spending the night next to Carter. He was sleeping when she left and Anna was on the phone with the airlines. She had no idea what was up with that but from the look on Anna's face she didn't want to ask, she sat down next to Doug, "oh now come on your life doesn't suck any more than the rest of us."

Doug smiled with his eyes shut. he could tell from the voice that it was. "I wouldn't be so sure" he said leaning forward to look at her. "ill buy you breakfast for some nonjudgmental company and an update on carter." he said standing up.

Abby looked at him, "ah thanks but no thanks I have it sitting in front of me already." She said, "no judging and an update on Carter I can do. He's sleeping but seems to be doing better. I'm thinking that might let him out of here soon. I snuck down here to get something to eat and a cup of coffee."

"Good to know. I snuck up here to be alone." Doug said and winced as soon as he did. "that was an ass thing to say I'm sorry Abby." he said dropping his head on the table. "run away Abby...run as fast as you can." he looked up at her and saw the way she looked. he didn't want to trouble her with any of his problems. "wow i need some coffee." he said rubbing has face. "so you doing ok? all this must be hard on you..."

"Where have I heard that line before," She said, "oh yeah I said it to Carter up on the roof. I have no intentions of running anywhere. Besides everyone knows that the roof is where you go when you truly want to be alone, but even there in this place you never really are alone." She said sliding a cup of coffee across the table, "I can get Carter a hot one before I head back up there, it would probably be cold before I get up there anyway. I'm fine Doug, I know that Carter's going to be fine, and it's given us some quiet time together, which we badly needed. But you, you look worse than I do. What's going on, need to vent a little?"

"i forgot about the roof." Doug said as he picked up the coffee. "thanks for this" he said taking a sip. after a second he set the cup down and let out a sigh. "i think you'd hate me if i told you." reading the reaction on Abby's face he knew he wasn't getting out that easy. "well for starters i threw Romano through the lounge today." he said, laughing thinking back on it. "who would have that the little guy was so aerodynamic?"

Abby laughed, "Dr. Romano aerodynamic, that I so would have loved to have seen. Sorry but it creates a well rather amusing mental picture." Abby glanced around the room and leaned in closer to Doug whispering, "I'm so sure the little sob deserved too. Anyone who does that gets them a get off Abby shoot list for free card. Hate you, oh come Doug who else could I wallow in my self pity, chase and rescue my boyfriend from a deranged gunman with, I might not agree with you all the time, but heck I can't even agree with myself all the time. I've been told that I make a good sounding board, if there's something you want to talk about great, that's what friends are for; if not hey I understand that too. It's not like I haven't been in that boat too."

Anna sat in Romano's office. Hiding from the PT people. She picked up his phone and called one of her older brothers. She convinced him to go down and pick up her belongings from her car. Which hopefully would still have enough clothes in it to get her a couple of days, until she could do some shopping in Huston. He seemed worried about her and it took everything she had in her to convince him that she had simply gotten a better job opportunity dropped in her lap, but she only had a short time to act on it or they would give it to someone else. He seemed to finally buy her story after a long conversation with him. When she called to let Chris know that she would be coming on rather short notice, he said that she could stay with him until she was able to find an apartment on her own. She really didn't feel like seeing anyone right now and since Carter was in her room, Romano's office while he was in surgery was the perfect place to hide from everyone. Kerry was the only one who knew that she was catching that flight to Huston tomorrow, but she hoped that she wouldn't say anything to anyone until she was gone. It would be one less thing she would have to deal with. Doug's words still stung. She could hear him saying them over and over. She found them almost hard to believe. She didn't think he could be so cold, but people change, maybe it was for the best right now. She picked at lunch not wanting them to keep her cause she wouldn't eat, but she really wasn't hungry. She stared at the clock, by this time tomorrow she would be off and on her way safe in Huston fresh city, fresh start. She moved over and curled up on the couch that was in Romano's office and as she watched the snowflakes tumbling to the ground once again drifted off to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

Anna sat in Romano's office. Hiding from the PT people. She picked up his phone and called one of her older brothers. She convinced him to go down and pick up her belongings from her car. Which hopefully would still have enough clothes in it to get her a couple of days, until she could do some shopping in Huston. He seemed worried about her and it took everything she had in her to convince him that she had simply gotten a better job opportunity dropped in her lap, but she only had a short time to act on it or they would give it to someone else. He seemed to finally buy her story after a long conversation with him. When she called to let Chris know that she would be coming on rather short notice, he said that she could stay with him until she was able to find an apartment on her own. She really didn't feel like seeing anyone right now and since Carter was in her room, Romano's office while he was in surgery was the perfect place to hide from everyone. Kerry was the only one who knew that she was catching that flight to Huston tomorrow, but she hoped that she wouldn't say anything to anyone until she was gone. It would be one less thing she would have to deal with. Doug's words still stung. She could hear him saying them over and over. She found them almost hard to believe. She didn't think he could be so cold, but people change, maybe it was for the best right now. She picked at lunch not wanting them to keep her cause she wouldn't eat, but she really wasn't hungry. She stared at the clock, by this time tomorrow she would be off and on her way safe in Huston fresh city, fresh start. She moved over and curled up on the couch that was in Romano's office and as she watched the snowflakes tumbling to the ground once again drifted off to sleep.

Carter woke up again not sure what was going on, he the realized he was in a hospital room, and in his bed. He remembered Abby being in bed with him, but she was no longer there. He tried to move a little. but his bad arm was making it hard for him. He decided he needed to not ask for the pain meds. Not after the mistake he had made.

Anna woke up with a start and walked back to her room, she noticed that Carter was awake now so she went and sat down next to him, "hey there how are you doing?"

Carter smiled, it had been awhile since him and Anna had talk. "I ...could do better if my shoulder here was hurting"he said looking at his cast arm.

"You and me both buddy." Anna said sitting down on the bed next to him. She had run out with out an explanation to him before and she didn't want to do that again, "but hey even after dying and being brought back from the dead I get to get out of here soon. John, there's something that I need to tell you but you have to promise not to say anything to anyone about it."

"You what, you died Anna?" he asked her confused. "What's that you need to tell me?" He asked her. "And I promise that I won't tell anyone" he told her

"Yeah, odd to say, but I saw Weaver standing at the end of my tunnel and ran." She said feeling awkward talking to him, "I know you are Carol's friend, and what I did the other day really messed things up. I didn't mean to hurt her, I didn't mean to hurt Doug, or you or anyone else that got caught in the crossfire. What I'm saying is that I think everyone will be better off if I just get out of town again. Life can go back to normal with out me mudding the waters, besides I can't work with Doug. And being the only other peds doc here would mean that I would have to and I can't do that. I want to but let's just say my heart has taken all the beating that it can right now. Romano is signing my discharge papers in the morning and I am getting on a plane at ten am Carter. I just wanted to say thank you for being such a great friend. But I don't' want it to get back to Doug that I am leaving until after I am gone, you can't even tell Abby."

Carter couldn't believe what Anna was saying. "Anna a lot of this isn't your fault, and I wasn't mad at you. Your one of my good friends Anna, you didn't mess up..." he grimaced at the pain. "Listen to me, I don't want to lose contact with you, I want you to tell me or write to me to let me know how your really doing. The other day I was looking for you, not carol. I wanted to see if you were ok that day, and I won't tell Abby, this is between us" John said to her

"I'll be fine John," Anna said looking at him, "I'm going to Huston. A friend of mine from med school is the head of the peds department there and he's offered me a job and a roof over my head for now. Things are going to get messy for me for awhile. Max is pissed that I filed for divorce and that's what landed me back in this joint. So it might be awhile before you hear from me...I don't want him to know where I went, it's better that way, you know making a clean break. I knew what I was getting into with Doug." She paused for a minute, "you should at least let them give you some Advil for the pain. I'll let you get some more sleep. I'm going to go and face up to my PT. Since I've been hiding from them all morning."

"Will you call me when you do get things settled and that I know your ok" He told her. "Please promise when you feel safe to call me" He asked her. "I... can't take pain meds"he told her

"Yeah I'll call you." She said looking down at him, "Carter I live with a drug addict remember a little Advil is not going to send you back down that road. Don't try to be the big man and not take it. Get better Carter." Anna said as she started to get up off the bed. She wiped the tears from her eyes, "this is what I need to do right now. I'll miss this place again; it's always going to be home." She walked away slowly she reached into the bag of stuff that her brother had left for her. She was glad that she had missed seeing him. She didn't want a lecture. She threw her headphones on and put in a cd as she laid back and closed her eyes, screw the pt. She was tired.

Carter smiled at her. "I guess your right on the Advil thing" he told her. "Anna you have a friend here and that's me, so don't be an afraid to call if anything goes wrong" he told. He watched her leave and laid his head back on the pillow. He wonder where Abby had went off to.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Doug smiled at Abby. Carter was lucky to have such a wonderful companion and friend. He decided that getting another person's point of view wouldn't hurt. "Well, I'm sure you know by now that Anna and I had a short...well I don't know what you would call it exactly...but I felt, I feel something for her. Something I don't think I can feel for Carol anymore." Doug lowered his voice and scooted around the table closer to her. "Anyway, before I knew Anna was better she had written me a letter saying many different things, but one of them was that she was planning on moving to Texas. After she got better I tried different things to be around her but it was just awkward. Last night she called me and told me for sure that she was leaving. After that we got into a huge fight...and I said some things I shouldn't have that I know was the final step in her leaving. the things I said weren't true...I was just stressed out and angry, but she wont even look at me, much less talk. I'm just afraid that she'll leave thinking that I hate her when it could only be further from the truth...I think I love her Abby but instead of saying that I screwed it up." Doug's watery eyes looked into hers. He was desperate for some advice and he hoped Abby could help. "That's where Romano comes in. He found out somehow a little bit of what went on and started to lay into me this morning. I kind of lost it after he didn't leave...the only reason I'm sitting here right now is because we're short docs." Thinking back made him grin. "But at least that was worth it. Seriously though, from a woman's point of view...should I just let her go and not cause her anymore grief or should I at least try something? I mean, what would you want?"

Abby looked at him, "I didn't know." She said patting his hand, "but I think that if you give her some time to calm down she'll talk to you. It's not like she can leave right now, I think she's stuck in SICU for awhile." Abby didn't know what to tell him to ease his pain, "But you need to tell her the truth, find a way to make her listen to you. Sit on her, tie her to the bed; pull a swat mission if you have to. But if you love her Doug, and she loves you, then one of you has to swallow their pride and tell the other." She took a deep breath, "love only comes around once in awhile and we have to take risks to find it. Tell her before she boards that plane; I would want to know that before I decided to leave. I could try talking to her later after Carter goes to sleep tonight if you want me too?"

"Yeah, that'd be great if you would." he said patting her shoulder and standing up. "otherwise I would have to pull a swat mission again." Doug said grinning." well, I need to punch in, and I'm sure Carter wants to see you but thanks for the coffee...and the conversation."

"Anytime." Abby said heading over and grabbing another cup of coffee for Carter. She walked back up to the SICU where she saw Anna listening to her headphones. Carter had appeared to have gone back to sleep again. She sat down next to Anna, "Got a minute to talk." She said to her.

Anna looked up at Abby taking off her headphones. "Sure, what's up?" She was tired and not in the mood for a conversation yet again with another person even if it was Abby.

Abby took a deep breath, "I know that a lot of stuff has happened over the last couple of days and well, I'm not sure how to say this."

Anna looked at Abby, the expression on her face told Anna that she had talked to Doug about last night, after all the man did have friends around here, "you talked to Doug."

Abby looked at the floor, "yeah I did."

Anna bit her lip, "then you know that he and I don't have anything to say to each other anymore."

Abby stopped and pondered where she was going to go with this, "look Anna you might be wrong there. He said that you were thinking of leaving?"

Anna was a little taken aback by this, "yeah, and I'm not thinking about it, I'm going. He doesn't want me here, he doesn't need me here, and his life would be a whole lot simpler if I just melted away."

"I don't think that's how he sees it." Abby said.

"Well that's pretty much what he said Abby. I got the gist of his conversation last night. I'm a mistake." Anna said wiping her hand under her eyes. She hated fighting with people and the picture that he had painted, there was no reason for her to stay in Chicago anymore. One bad thing after another had happened since she arrived and it was time to move on, restart her life anew.

"No really that's not it." Abby said wishing that she could get thru to her friend.

"You know if he felt any different it would be him up here explaining this and not you. Whether or not he loves me I do care about him still even though my heart was shattered last night. No, I have a 10 am flight and I plan on being on it." She said to Abby, "now if you don't mind I am really tired and want to get some sleep."

"Yeah not a problem." Abby said getting up. She went back over to Carter's beside slipping next to him. Those two deserved each other. She couldn't understand how two people could be so right for each other and not see it. She snuggled in next to Carter, "I love you."

Doug walked down to the ER with his coffee. Jerry had some sappy music on as he walked by. "Ohhh come on, turn that crap off." he said sitting down and putting his feet up on the counter. he grabbed the newspaper and flipped through it. he really wasn't going to read it but he just wanted to look busy so no one would talk to him. he could see weaver standing beside him at the computer but didn't say anything to her.

"Feet off the desk Ross." She said batting them down, "don't you have patients to see?" She asked. "Some puking toddlers or something?"

Doug shot her a glance from behind the paper. "hey when a peds case comes in ill be the first on it...besides, we have no traumas and its not like I'm working triage scut today or anything."

Kerry couldn't help but somewhat smile, that sarcastic, you're about to get screwed smile, "that's what I get for hiring an ER peds doc. No you know what," She said now almost grinning, knowing that he hated paperwork, "you're back, you've proven that you've changed," She slapped a mountain of paperwork in front of him; "you get to reopen your peds ER."

Doug's mouth dropped open. "What! are you serious!" he said standing up. this made him way too excited. calming down a little he looked her in the eye. "are you sure?"

"Do I look like I am kidding you?" She said tossing even more paper work in front of him, a highlight for her day, "there ya go. Takes more work off my shoulders, and you can have all the peds cases that walk thru that door. It was your idea to begin with, I have to admit I wasn't on board before, but well County has more resources now and it's all yours. But you're the one who is going to have to find staffing for it, not me."

Doug was a little upset with all the new paperwork but he set it aside and pulled her into a hug he knew she didn't want. "ha-ha! I'll take care of it!" he said, his face beaming. this was the first good thing to happen to him since he came back to Chicago. "my kind of weaver." he said grabbing the papers and folders and opening them up.

"It's all yours," She said walking away, not wanting to be sucked into another Ross hug, one was more than enough. "Have fun with all the paper work too. I know you love doing paperwork." She tossed a box in front of him, "and a little present for your new position. For all the paper cuts you will be getting."

Doug just rolled his eyes. he was too happy to let her sarcastic remarks get to him. "he he, Doug Ross the attending." he said to himself. Doug was about to crack open the paperwork when an ambulance burst through the door. it wasn't a peds case but he was capable of switch hitting. he ran to the gurney and lead it into trauma one. "MVA with blunt force trauma." was what he heard. "ok...someone want to help me out?" he asked into the hall.-

Kerry went inside the trauma room, "what do we have?" She asked, as she prepared to dig in and get rid of the baby doc. "I've got it Doug, go home finish that paper work take a nap, you have a long next few days until you find another attending to work for you."

"Blunt force trauma due to the seatbelt of an MVA. 32 year old male. no LOC or head trauma."

"Got it, let's move people." Kerry said, "get him up to CT while he's stable. And get out of here before I stop being nice." Kerry grinned at him.

Doug smiled. "Hey...I'm here for you; I'll take a free day doing paperwork. It'll give me time to get some sleep in." He patted her on her arm. "Thanks again...ill see you tomorrow bright and early!" Doug walked to the desk and grabbed his papers. He jumped into his car before anyone had a chance to stop him and drove home. He walked in to find Carol inside. "Hey," he said with a smile. "You'll never guess what happened today"

She didn't look up, "what happened today Doug?'"

He set all the paperwork down and walked over to her wrapping his arms around her waist, forgetting she just got off a night shift. "Kerry gave me my attending spot back! Starting tomorrow you're looking at the new peds attending...I even get to pick my staff! I have a crap load of paperwork but I got to come home early." He tried to get in front of her face to kiss her but he was feeling a little resistance. "Isn't this great?"

Carol pushed him away, "yeah it's just great Doug. I just worked a 12 hour night shift. When are the girls and I ever going to see you, are we going to see you, this is so typical of you jumping into things with out thinking about the rest of us." As she said it, she knew it was coming off cold. The long hours of the first time he tried this in the forefront of her mind.

Doug took a step back. "Carol...it's not like I planned this behind your back. Kerry just offered it to me. what am I supposed to say, no?"

"That would have been a good place to start." Carol said starting in on him, "do you expect me to raise these girls alone? Because that's what I will be doing. You will have your hands full with that clinic. You will be there day in and day out especially until you can get it staffed. I don't understand you, and how are we supposed to find the time to work on what's going on between us? Did you think about that? Did any of that cross you mind?"

Doug's mouth dropped open. She just didn't understand. "I thought this was going to make you happy. You could be happy for me...besides I just spent the whole night with the girls after you finally decided to let me see them! and speaking of us...I'm here now so lets freaking work it out carol. I'm waiting on you."

"Ohhh do not tell me that you think that we can honestly work this out in an afternoon, do you? We have months of built up anger and resentment towards each other, you resent me because I drug you to Chicago; I resent you because I had to move to Seattle. We haven't been happy in a long time Doug, we've how do you say this lost our spark. I don't feel the same way I used to about you and I don't think that I ever will! So let me save you the time and the trouble of waiting on me, I'm calling it quits Doug, I'm done, finished, just let me know when your schedule allows you to have time to spend with the girls and we will work that part out, but as of right now, I'm done dealing with you." Anger filled her voice as she snapped at him, tired of trying to fix the sinking relationship alone.

"Oh don't you throw this on me! I never asked you to come to Seattle!" He yelled as loud as he could good thing the girls weren't home. "you know I have a say in this too! I gave up so much for you!" He stopped and took a breath. "we have a family, and we've both made mistakes but how can you all of a sudden decide this? What happened to the other night when we thought Anna was dead? I guess that was just a line or something huh? Great way to fix a relationship Carol. I have a job and I have kids, but don't you know that my family comes first! If you knew me at all you'd know that."

"Ohhh no you don't Doug Ross, you were going downhill in Seattle faster than a sinking ship. You left Chicago, left me alone and pregnant with our girls. If I wanted us to be a family the only choice I had was to chase you down in Seattle!" She was on the verge of screaming now, "Oh come off your high horse and come down to reality Doug. If we came first then what the hell were you doing making out with her? And don't tell me you didn't I saw it with my own eyes, I'm not blind Doug. You don't feel the same towards me and I don't feel the same way towards you, we are both unhappy why should we keep flogging a dead horse. I suppose the next little bomb you care to drop is that you slept with her too, all because you were so unhappy here and she gave you a little shimmer of what it was like to be happy again."

Doug was shaking he was so mad. He had almost lost his voice from yelling and couldn't think of anything to say to her. She always won these fights anyway. "You're right." He said softly as he crossed his arms in front of him. "I'm such an awful person, how could you ever stand to be with me? It's not like I knew you were pregnant right away, cause oh yeah...you waited forever to tell me...and it's not like I wouldn't have come back...but that's right, you faxed me a letter telling me not to. So when it comes to families don't blame things just on me...if you are happier without me as a partner that's fine. But we both need to be parents."

"We can both be parents Doug; I didn't say that you couldn't be." She said sitting back down, "when you get your schedule straightened out we will talk about some kind of shared living arrangements for the girls." She stood back up, "You can see them anytime you want, and you know where there school is." She said turning to walk out of the room, "but for now, you're not staying here." She continued on her way out of the room, that hurt she wasn't going to deny it, but it needed to be done, they had hurt each other too much for the time being.

Doug watched her leave. "Hey don't walk away carol" he said following her into the next room. "so you automatically get the house? where am I supposed to go? I don't see how any of this is fair."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Its my house Doug, we're not married so sorry that you don't see it as fair, but that's the facts of life."

"We co-signed this damn thing so half of it is mine. besides you made me sell my house in Seattle. I mean what the hell? I hope you sleep good tonight knowing I'm out on my ass." Doug walked into the bedroom to grab a duffle bag and stick something's in it. he shoved his clothes in hard. In a second he got dizzy from his blood pumping so fast and had to sit down. he sat on the bed and put his head between his knees. he just needed to calm down, the last thing he wanted to do was jump in his car and get into an accident.

Carol looked at him, "out on your ass right. You know what you're right this is half your house too, go ahead and stay the girls and I will go stay with my mother. She loves having them there, but I'll warn you right now, you had better stay out of her way...she still doesn't like you."

"Your mothers never liked me Carol." he said looking up at her. Doug wanted to say something suave or apologetic but couldn't muster up the strength. "Thank you. If you...or I can find a place soon I'll compromise about the whole house thing." He wanted to ask why he couldn't have the girls tonight but decided it might be a little much. "You look like you need some sleep though. You want me to leave for awhile and let you get cleaned up? I can go to Doc's and do my paperwork for the better part of the day." Doug knew it was hard for both of them to be around each other. He hoped that one day soon it wouldn't be so much of an issue.

"No," Carol said turning on her heel, "I'll sleep at my mother's a lot better than here right now. You stay here and do your damn paperwork. Maybe if I am lucky I can get in at least a two hour nap before picking up the girls." She slammed the door behind her.


	53. Chapter 53

_A/N: I'm trying to find something to break up when we switch between Characters... get's a little confusing at times, and so that I wouldn't get lost putting it into story format I had to copy the posts as they came up.. hope the little help ease some of the confusion at times._**  
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**Chapter 53: **

Doug dropped his head back down. "I'm sorry." he said in a whisper. He would apologize much better later. Not to get her back but just to let her know. This wasn't how he wanted their relationship to end. He hoped they could be close friends like they had before. After a second he walked back into the living room and picked up his papers. He didn't know what she was doing but he had to get some of this work done regardless. Dealing with other people's problems would help get his mind off things at least.

Abby carefully stretched so that she wouldn't disturb Carter. He looked so handsome laying there sleeping. She glanced over at Anna as she sat up, she was out cold too. She glanced up at the clock. She quietly walked out into the hallway and slipped up on the roof. She flipped open her cell phone and dialed Doug's number. She wasn't sure how she was going to break the news to him. She paced back and forth as she let it ring. She was afraid that he was busy with the girls since it was getting to be later in the evening.

Doug heard his phone ring and searched for it through the mounds of papers he had lying on the couch. He found it just before his voicemail picked up. "He..."He had to clear his throat. From all the yelling his voice was dry and raspy. "Hello?"

"Hey you don't sound to hot there." Abby said as she pulled her coat around her a little tighter, "if I'm calling at a bad time you can tell me to jump off the roof."

"Heh don't do that Abby." Doug said clearing his throat again. "I just need some tea or something. Where Are you? I can hear the wind...you're not outside are you?"

"Yeah I'm actually up on the roof." She said, "it's a bit brisk out here did you know that?" She couldn't help but let out a little laugh, "hey are you busy?"

Doug laughed at her. "You're crazy. But no I'm not busy." he said throwing down his pen and leaning back into the couch. "I was looking for an excuse to take a break. Why?"

"Yeah I know I am crazy but hey I didn't want to disturb the sleeping beauties down stairs." She said laughing, "I think that they are both out for the night now. I don't know how to say this so I am just going to come out and say it, you were right about Anna. She's planning on leaving. She thinks that you hate her Doug."

"Well that's an ego boost. Thanks Abs." he said sighing and setting his feet up on the coffee table. "Look I don't think I can take much more bad news today so unless this ends with a joke...I don't really want to hear it." He hated being rude to her but he had, had a long day and talking about Anna just made it worse.

"Sorry I don't have a punch line for that one." She said looking down at the cars below. Nah, she was just seeing things now. "I'm sure that everything will be fine after a goodnights sleep."

He sighed. "yeah I wish you drank...Carter told me that one, I could use someone to get drunk with." he joked standing up. "I guess its for the better...I mean, its not like she's leaving tomorrow or something."

"What the hell." Abby said leaning further over the edge. "I could have sworn she was sleeping." Abby started to run down the stairs, "yeah it's not like she thinks that she is leaving right now." Abby was breathing a little heavier now that she was running down the stairs towards the ER. AMA was a horrible thing, and one would think a doctor like her would know better than to push her luck a second time. "You know I think I am actually really going nuts."

Doug listened to Abby on the phone. He was getting more confused. "What the hell are you talking about?" He said as he opened a frozen dinner to heat up.

As Abby ran by the SICU she glanced in sleeping Carter, but no sleeping Anna. "Doug... do you have to fall in love with escape artists?" She said as she approached the nurses station, "Dr. Del Amico... where is she?" Abby said to the charge nurse. Abby wasn't sure if Doug had any clue as to what was going on, "Romano... downstairs... okay... okay." Abby starting running again.

"Escape artists? Come on Abby stop playing around...you talking about Anna? She has to be there. Romano would in no way let her leave before next Friday...Please tell me you're joking." He was starting to get a little nervous.

Abby ran up to Romano but there was no Anna in sight, "all right you little... where is she?" Abby was practically screaming now, "you did not just do what I think you did." She paused for a minute, "what you jackass!" Did you lose your medical judgment somewhere along the way."

Carter just woke up from his nap, he was sore, but now he was hungry. He looked over, and saw that Anna was no longer there, maybe she had been discharged

Doug was getting fed up; he wanted to know what was going on. "Abby, ABBY! Slow down. What's going on? Talk to me...I'm sure everything's fine."

"This short little man in front of me," Abby said pulling herself back together the best she could, "gave Anna the green light to fly out tonight. He thought that since she'd be staying with a doctor that it would for some unknown reason be okay for her to fly. She's headed for Midway."

"Right now!" Doug yelled. "I-I don't have enough time...damn it!"

"She's on the 8 pm flight from midway." Abby said after almost beating the information out of Romano. "United Chicago to Huston, gate 5." She was about to tear Romano's head off now, of all people he should have known better than to let something like this happen.

Doug looked at the clock. It was just past seven. "Oh shoot." he said hanging up the phone. Within seconds he was out the door. He drove with the peddle to the floor the whole way there. He knew it was twenty minutes at least to the airport and then he'd have to somehow get through security and to the gate but he had to try.

Abby heard the phone go dead. She silently prayed that he would get there in time. Something had to go right for him.

Anna checked her bags in and headed to go thru security. She looked out the window over the city one last time. The stop by her apartment had cost her more time than she thought it would. She got into line to move thru the security check points to catch her plane. Slowly she moved along, not having much energy, sore still from everything but she just wanted out of the city right now and this was the fastest way to accomplish that.

Doug stopped his car right in front of the gate. There was no time to park. They could tow his damn car for all he cared. He ran into the airport and saw the endless lines of people. Without even thinking he made a choice. "Better to try and get shot then give her up." In a second Doug took off through the lines of people. He ran right through the metal detectors and squeezed past the rent-a-cops. They grabbed for him but missed, good thing he was in better shape than them, although it would only buy him a few minutes. With guards on his heels he sprinted to gate five pushing past the people around him. "Anna!" he yelled. He didn't get a reaction so he kept going. "Anna Wait! stop!"

Anna could have sworn that was Doug's voice calling her name, she turned around and couldn't believe her eyes, "what," she said stopping and taking a couple of steps towards him. How did he know, why was he here? Crazy, that was the reason that instantly popped into her mind, after their conversation last night he had to have been insane.

Doug stopped in front of her gasping for breath. He looked over his shoulder to see three cops halfway down the hall. "I have three reasons for you to stay." He said all in one gasp. "I was an idiot for being so mean to you and I was wrong...second, in about thirty seconds I'm going to need serious bail money or some medical attention." Doug was trying to get to what he really wanted to say but it was harder then he thought. He was still trying to catch his breath as the police officers caught up to them, "lastly I had to tell you..." Doug was cut off as the two cops tackled him to the ground. "No...wait..." he shouted to them as they stuffed his hands in handcuffs. As they started to pull him back Doug realized he had lost his chance. In one last try he looked over his shoulder and saw her face and it was enough... "I love you Anna! I'll always love you...I loved you the moment I saw you and I'll love you forever!" After Doug shouted out his final outburst he tried to look at her again but was unable too from the entire crowd. "Don't go Anna!" In a matter of minutes Doug was placed in a police car and headed for the Chicago Main Police Depot. He didn't know what he expected her to do but he realized that after she didn't come after him it was too little too late. A short list of names ran through his mind on who would bail him out. He had decided to call Abby once he got his phone call. At least she might understand.

Anna tried to fight her way thru the crowd towards where he was, he loved her. By the time she had gotten through the people he wasn't there anymore. She fought her way outside but they had already pulled away. "Damn it." She shouted. Jeep, the jeep! Oh thank god he had brought his car. They were about ready to tow it, but Anna gave them her best sob song and dance routine and the tow truck driver just smiled and said not to let it happen again. Today had been a good day to be blonde, injured, and cute when you were upset. She still had his keys, she was going to send them back to him, but hadn't had the chance to yet. Her head told her she shouldn't be doing this, god she shouldn't be driving. As long as she didn't move overly fast or reach to far it didn't hurt to move. Why couldn't he have gotten an automatic isn't of a manual! She drove thru the streets of Chicago, she was getting frustrated from trying to drive and shift with out pain, and she was overjoyed when she was finally in front of the main police station. She parked the jeep across the street and headed inside.

"Hey Anna whatcha doing here," she heard a voice speaking to her.

"Oh hey Joey, I need to bail a friend out. Can you help me out here?" She asked.

"Max again huh."

"Nope not this time, Doug Ross, he should have been brought in a little bit ago from the airport. He's a friend of mine from County." Anna bantered with Joey for a few minutes; he was one of her brother's friends. She paid the bail for Doug, "and Joey don't you dare tell anyone in my family about this. You can tell them the story but just say his insane girlfriend came and bailed him out, you know what I mean." She walked over and then leaned against the wall patiently waiting for him to be brought back up. She kept her eyes focused on the ground. She had no idea what she was going to do now, as long as Max was in jail, which from what Joey had let slip looked like it was going to be awhile, she could at least stay at the apartment. She had no intention of paying his bail or letting the charges against him be dropped. Doug's airport confession had thrown her heart for a loop.

Hearing his words again in her head put a smile on her tired face and tears of joy into her eyes. He had to have known that she wouldn't have gotten on that plane after hearing those words from him. She had wanted to run to him right there and then but she couldn't get thru the crowd, but she was here now and to her that was all that mattered. She should have listened to Abby, but that didn't matter now, he had said all that she needed to hear from him. It was more than enough to make her want to stay, she moved from leaning against the wall to sitting down on one of the hard wooden chairs. She put her head down between her hands, sighing softly as she closed her eyes to wait.

Joey walked down the hall to where they were holding the doc, "Yo Doc, you're outta here." He said sliding the holding cell door open, "you must be pretty special to your friend out there. I don't know if I'd come bail you out. Let's go we don't want to leave your friend out there with Chicago's worst for long."

Carter just was alone in his room, not sure what to do, he turned on the TV to just look. He wished Abby would come back soon. She had kept him warm earlier

Abby walked back up to the SICU. She stood in the doorway watching Carter for a minute before she walked inside and sat down next to him. She was silently hoping that Doug made it to the airport and caught Anna before she left. There was nothing more that she could do for them now. She wanted them both to have the happiness that she had right now with John. "Hey baby, sorry that I took off on you like that, but something came up that I needed to take care of." She said smiling, "can I snuggle with you some more?"

Doug was sitting in the cell when the officer came back to tell him he had been bailed out. "That was quick." he thought. He had only just left a message at the front desk for Abby. He stood up and tried to straighten out his rumpled shirt. He sighed and walked out of the cell. It seemed like his spur of the moment idea hadn't turned out all the great. When he turned the corner he stopped in his tracks. Sitting there in front of him was the last person he thought would be there. "Anna?" he whispered out. He couldn't believe it...she hadn't gone. she had come back for him.

Anna lifted her head up. She was tired, sore, her eyes lit up when she saw him standing there. She pushed her hair back out of her face and stood up. "Doug," she wanted to run over to him and hold onto him forever, but the best she could do was a slow walk towards him.

Doug dropped his head but had a grin on his face. He wanted to talk to her but not in the middle of the police station. he touched her arm and walked outside with her. "I didn't think you were going to stay off that plane..." he said softly as he gently held her in front of him by holding both of her hands. but I'm glad you did."

She softly whispered her eyes cast downward, "I couldn't leave after all of that. The most important thing to me is in Chicago."

"mmm" Doug said stepping closer to her. "yeah well...i couldn't let you go to Texas. I don't think I could pull off the whole urban cowboy thing." he said with a small laugh. Doug moved even closer to her but didn't want to push anything to quick that she wasn't ready for. "Is it ok if i kiss you?"

Anna put her hand over her mouth as she stifled a giggle, "urban cowboy huh," a smile radiating from her face as she just shook her head, would he have chased her all the way to Texas to tell her that. "I thought you'd never ask, of course you can." She said as she brought her hands up around his waist.

Carter smiled as he saw her walk in. "That's ok, I must been asleep most of the time you were gone" he told her. John was glad to see Abby back in his room. "Yes please snuggle up with me" he told her

Abby climbed back up onto Carter's bed. "I love you." She said snuggling in next to him, there was no place that she would rather be.

"I love you to "John told her, "You know when I was in there, in the where house with that...man...all I could think about was you Abby. I was like what if I never saw you again or something... I was really scared, scared that i never get to hold you in my arms again"

"I'm not letting go of you that easy John Carter." Abby said, "You and I are here right now and that's all that matters."

Doug grinned at her response. "Don't bite." he whispered before he leaned in to give her a soft kiss. He reached down and lifted her off her feet as he kissed her again. He set her back down softly and set his head next to her. "I really do love you." he whispered into her ear.

She snuggled in against his warm body. "I know you do," she said her voice not much more than a whisper, "You know I love you too."

"I'm glad to hear that ...I don't want to scare you like that ever again "he told her as he held her in his arms in his hospital bed. He gave her a passionate Kiss. "I love you Abby."

Abby smiled and kissed him back. "I know you do, I know." She said, "now close your eyes, cause I am closing mine. Running down 7 flights of stairs is more than enough for me."

"All right" John said as he closed his eyes then heard her say that she ran down seven flights of stairs. "Why you do that?" he asked her

She sighed, "let's just say that I was trying to keep two people from making a mistake."

"Yes i do" Doug said looking back at her. "you know...i have my house all to myself. so if you want a place to crash..." Doug gave her a small grin. he was still a little shy about it all. "then just say the word."

"A house all to yourself." She said grinning, "I'd love to sleep over at your house." She winked at him. She lifted his hand up and set his keys in them, "thought you might like those back, since if we are going anywhere you have to drive. It hurts to bad to drive that damn stick of yours."

Doug laughed at her as he took the keys. "I thought they would have towed it." he said as he put his arm over his shoulder to walk with her. "i guess a stick shift is more of a guy thing anyway." Doug walked her to his jeep and opened the door for her. after getting in himself he started the drive to his house. he was glad that he wouldn't be spending the night in a jail cell. Doug made the drive in record time. He parked his car and went to help Anna out. "Welcome to the old...yet new house by the tracks Heh. i should give you the tour."

She smiled at him, "I'd love one Doug." She said as she stifled a yawn.

Doug smiled. "Hey I saw that. Maybe it should wait till tomorrow. I don't want to wear ya out." he said nudging her with his shoulder as they walked to the door. He opened it up and was glad to be greeted by the heat of his home. He slipped off her coat and took of his. "You must be hungry, can I get ya something? I can make it or go out..." he said tilting his head to catch her smile and taking a few steps toward her.

"Not really." She said smiling at him, "no offense but I have been offered and forced to eat more food than I eat in a week. I don't want to get fat. Besides you can't buy what I am hungry for."

Doug rolled his eyes. "You wont get fat." it took him a moment to register the last part of what she had said. He looked from her to the ground, his cockiness fading. She always seemed to make him blush. "What..."

She lowered her voice so that it was soft and barely audible, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have been so forward. I'll behave." She hadn't meant to make him blush or to feel awkward around her.

"I need to be a man and get over it." he said laughing at himself. "I...I just don't want to hurt you. I mean you had some serious surgery and last time I put ya in the hospital again. "he joked. Doug took her hand and led her over to his couch. He moved all the papers aside and sat down.

She curled up next to him, her head in his lap. "Oh yes, Doug you definitely know how to send a woman to heaven." She moved so that she was looking up at him now, "besides maybe I am just hungry for a good old fashioned make out session and a little bit of time wrapped up in your arms."

Doug dropped his head in front of her and grinned. "Man I am back in high school...without the dark brown hair." he gave her a small kiss on the cheek and leaned back into the couch. he kicked off his shoes and propped his feet on the coffee table. "you know I use to be really popular in high school too. I don't think anyone ever made me blush this much though." he liked that Anna was comfortable talking to him like that, it was just a little strange being this close to someone different again. he was going to put it out of his mind. he didn't really miss carol. He had the love of his life right here in his arms

"Ohhh high school." She said, "god I went to a Catholic girls school in Philadelphia. I was this wreck of a thing, shy, quiet...terrified of the nuns. You could have called me nerdy, always had my nose in a book. Didn't date much either. My mother hated when I did so I tried not to, but then all girls' school made it hard to find guys. But then I guess I wouldn't have had the nerve to double board either if I hadn't been such an overachieving book worm."

"I find that hard to believe" Doug smirked kissing her neck. "I was shy in high school too. Didn't go to any kind of private school but I was the star point guard on the basketball team...third base on baseball, but I was also in the key club...so I wasn't a total jock." Doug scooted her over to be in a more comfortable position. "Don't want you to get the wrong impression or anything." Doug put his arm around her shoulder. "Regardless of who you were then, you are a hell of a woman now...besides I bet I would have dated you in high school anyways, or cheated off of you in chemistry." He joked looking into her eyes he was happy and he could really see himself being with her.

"Cheated off me in chemistry maybe." She said laughing. She felt so comfortable right now. "Hell of a woman huh...well yeah now that I have grown into myself. Private school well it's not all that's it cracked up to be. My older brother's didn't have to go. They got off easy, had lots of friends, but being the baby, sucked. I think that by the time my parents got to me, they were terrified. I had to move to Chicago to get away from them. My oldest brother is 15 years older than I am. By the time I was a teen they were all gone from the house. But now that I look back at all of it. I don't think I would have wanted it any other way." She snuggled even deeper into him she didn't want to close her eyes, she yawned as she spoke, "but here, now, you know I haven't felt like this in a long time, it feels like I belong here. Safe, warm, loved. The only thing that could make it any better was to know that I had a home and a job."

Doug smiled at her as he hugged her back. "I'm glad you feel that way...cause, being your new boss and all at county, i need my employees to feel safe."Doug grinned as he said it. He had been meaning to slip that one in there for awhile. He hoped that she would be happier for him then Carol was when he told her that Weaver had appointed him peds attending.

Anna about knocked herself off the couch, "what, my new boss at County?" She said smiling at him, "Did Weaver quit? I thought that we have to pry her out of there? Tell me Doug what are you talking about." She was talking 90 miles an hour now curious to get answers, as she bounced on his lap.

"Nah she didn't quit." he grinned. he wanted to tease Anna but decided to get it out. "she just made me ER peds attending again! she said i could pick all my staff and handle all the cases. so if you want the job..."

Anna threw her arms around his neck, "oh my god, I am so happy for you, your an ER peds attending, oh wow, that is so awesome!" She was so excited for him, "what are you kidding do I want the job, of course I do! My god that is the best news, okay second best news I have heard today."

Doug hugged her back. He could feel tears coming into his eyes. This day had gone from being terrible to being one of the best of his life. He didn't know what to say to her so he just smiled. He covered up his face before he leaned back. One to cover his smile and two to cover his tearing eyes.

Anna took a breath and settled down. She hoped that those were tears of happiness that he was trying to hide from her. "Hey," She said smiling, "I know that you are now this big ER pediatric attending physician and all, and I'm just a lowly peds doc, who is getting to be pretty worn out from all this excitement. Would you mind if I took a nap?" She reached behind her smacking him playfully with one of the pillows on the couch.

After he composed himself a little more Doug moved his hands. "Yeah why don't you go jump in bed. i have a bunch of paperwork to do anyways. it'll be good for you to get some sleep in a nice bed. I'll stay on the couch tonight." he said hitting her back with the pillow. "and don't make me tackle you...cause I'll do it."

She laughed as she swung back at him, "tackle me ooook." She looked at the floor and then up at him again taunting him, she was trying not to loose it in hysterical laughter, she couldn't help herself it felt so good to be so light hearted and happy around him, "and just where is this bed that I am supposed to jump into? huh? huh?"

"Errrrr" Doug playfully growled and he let a scheming thought cross his mind. Before Anna had a chance to react he scooped her up. He walked down the hall with he and, although carefully, tackled her onto the bed. he laughed as he held himself up over her. "good thing i cleaned up today." he said as he kissed her neck. "now you be good."

Anna smiled up at him. Her neck tingling from where he had kissed her, not that she was going to tell him that. Instead she batted her baby blue eyes at him, "and if I'm not?"

Doug squinted at her teasing question. "Ahh that's killer. do you have any friends?" he joked kissing her again. "well i could always fire you i suppose. but that would be too weaverish...but I'm sure i could find something's to make you scream." he said poking gently into her ribs. he knew where she was ticklish but didn't want to make her laugh too hard because of her injuries. "you're lucky you're hurt...no mercy next time."

"Yeah lucky me." She said still smiling as she glanced up at him, "you know I won't bit you don't have to sleep on the couch. Or at least let me have your company until I fall asleep." She hoped that he would take her up on one of the two of those offers. She wanted to sleep but she also wanted just 5 more minutes with him before drifting off. She didn't know if she was dreaming and any minute was going to wake up to a cold sterile hospital room.

"Well that's a hard decision." Doug joked. He stood up and walked to the other side of his bed. he took off his sweater and slacks. he was embarrassed to realized he had put on his snoopy boxers a friend in Seattle had given him. he laughed and jumped under the covers.

Anna buried her head in the pillow to hide her laughter. Before rolling over next to him. "You're to cute." She said to him nudging her way next to him so that her head was laying on his shoulder. She closed her eyes, "I love you."

"Don't laugh." he teased. Doug kissed her cheek and laid on his side, pulling her back against his chest, resting his hand on her stomach. he rested his head behind hers and sighed. this felt too good to be true. he hoped it lasted forever. "i love you too" he whispered into her ear. "i love you now and I'll love you forever." he kissed the back of her neck and shut his eyes. "goodnight Anna, sleep well." soon after Doug closed his eyes he fell fast asleep. he had nothing to worry or plague his dreams tonight. just the promise of a better day and more moments with the woman he loved.

The warmth of being in his arms, feeling his chest rise and fall against her back lulled her into a deep peaceful sleep. She was finally happy and wanted to stay that way. She believed him when she heard him say that he would love her now and forever.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54:**

Doug groaned when his alarm clock went off at 5:30. "Noooo" he rolled over slowly and rubbed his eyes. he had actually slept through the night. he reached over and smacked his alarm clock to get it to turn off.

Anna stirred, what the hell was that noise, she grumbled, "No one's home here...I'm not on call...I'm not your resident anymore...do your own scut work..." as she pulled the pillow up over her head. Still not all the way awake she sat up eyes closed, "yeah sure give 'em 5 of Haldol," falling back against the bed.

Doug looked over at her and smiled. He still didn't want to get up. Somehow he managed to pull himself out of bed and quietly make his way into the bathroom. he turned the hot water in the shower on and he started to brush his teeth. the water heater always took a minute to kick in and he wasn't in the mood to be a Doug-cicle. After he saw steam come out of the bottom of the glass he washed out his mouth and jumped in. he back hurt from being tackled by the cops and he stretched trying to work out his sore muscles. He turned on his shower radio and turned it down low enough that he thought Anna wouldn't hear. Slow jazz music poured out as he leaned against the wall to let the hot water wake him up.

Anna sat up. The room unfamiliar yet so familiar. There was soft music playing. Doug probably had to work today. She padded into the bathroom and leaned against the wall. She wondered if he had any idea she was in there. Ohhh, it was early in the morning and she was having such a good dream before that alarm woke her up. She grinned; nope she'd be nice just this one time..."hey in there, want some company?"

Doug jumped when he heard a voice. "Anna?" he asked into the steam. he knew who it was but it was just a reaction. "I didn't mean to wake you up. sorry I'm wasting all the hot water."

"No it's fine." She said as she rubbed her eyes, "don't worry about it." She said as she ran her hand down her shirt. "I'm still stapled together."

Doug turned off the water and grabbed the towel he had hanging. He wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the shower. Doug winked at Anna and walked over to the sink. He slicked back his hair and looked into the mirror, started to shake up his shaving cream can and turned to look at her. "You like watching me shave dripping wet or are you just there to make me blush again?"

"Both," She said smiling, "what can I say there's something about a wet nearly naked man that," she could see the blush coming as she leaned over reaching like she was going to pull his towel away, "drives me wild."

Doug grabbed her hand and stood up straight. "Hey play nice." he teased letting go. he walked over to stand so close he was nearly touching her as he tilted his head to kiss her he brought up the bottle of shaving cream and squirted her on the face. "hehehe" he laughed. "no one pulls jokes better than me."

"Oh you little..." She said as she brought her body so that it was now almost completely up against his. "just for that I am not playing nice." With one flick of her wrist she was holding his towel up next to her head. "What are you going to do now?" She said as she trailed her free hand down his chest.

Doug grinned putting his hands on either side of her face. He was dripping wet but he didn't imagine Anna would care very much. He traced the outline of her jaw as he pulled her closer and into a kiss.

Anna couldn't help herself as she turned to putty under his kiss. She was able for that brief moment, when his lips were on hers to forget about the rest of the outside world. 'Its real, this is real,' ran thru her head, 'I'm not dreaming.' She reluctantly pulled away from him, "I hear the call of the ER." She said as she started to walk away from him, how she wanted to stay there, to remain in his arms, under the spell of his kisses, "can't have the great and talented new ER peds attending be late." She wouldn't deny that she wanted to go with him, even if he did just lock her in a dictation room with nothing but paperwork or made her glue her butt to a chair at the admit desk. At this point she would sit and stay put as long as she had something to do, "Ohhh what I wouldn't give for a pile of paperwork or a months worth of dictation. This is the first time in 5 years that I haven't held a job at more than 2 hospitals." She sighed as she leaned against the door frame. "Maybe while you are busy saving lives today I will go and find a new Porsche since mine is totaled now, then go shopping for some clothes, maybe try to find an apartment, and oh and I have to make time to have lunch with my favorite pediatrician if he'll have time for me." She paused for a minute jesting with him, "maybe I should swing by Northwestern and beg for my moonlighting job back. Since you'll be working what 12, 14 hours today?"

Doug slipped into his boxers and ruffed up his hair. "yeah the ER is always calling." he said squirting some shaving cream onto his face. "you better not forget about your PT...I'm sure you could squeeze it in, in the morning before you go off and have your day." Doug started to shave. he had some nice sideburns going and was trying to decide on the best style choice while holding a conversation with Anna. "You know I'm off this weekend if you want me to go car and apartment browsing with you. it usually helps to have a guy with ya...and you better stop by to have lunch with me. the last thing I want to do is sit in the lounge with weaver...speaking of food, once you get feeling a little better we really need to go on an official date...nice restaurant, romantic music, good food, that sort of thing."

Anna pouted, "of course I will come by for lunch. I wouldn't leave you alone with Weaver. But do I have to do the PT, my day would be so much better. I suppose I could hold off on getting the car, although I think I did pretty good with my last one." She stopped for a minute, "I'm assuming that you want me to stay here until you help me find an apartment, leave the sideburns baby, you're adorable with them. Besides I like you kind of scruffy." Hmm, she thought as she sat down on the end of the bed, "so how many hours you going to be working me at this new job of mine?"

Doug threw some water on his face, after Anna's comment he had to keep the style. He walked into the bedroom and started going through his clothes. "Of course i want you to stay here. I wouldn't kick ya out on your butt." Doug finally found some black slacks that he laid on the bed next to Anna. he wanted to look nice today. "As for your hours, you just let me know what you can handle. I don't want to overwork you when you're not ready and get you sick." Doug smiled as he found the shirt he was looking for. He slid on his favorite cream colored silk button up and walked over to her to grab his pants. "And you will do your therapy." he said touching her face. "I want my girl back at top performance."

"How could I not do it, if you put it that way?" She said looking up at him from the bed. "Sorry I'm just antsy to get back to work. But you have a point and it's taken. I'll just have to be a big girl and well I guess be something other than a doc for a while longer."

Doug smiled as he put on his slacks, tucked in his shirt, and tightened his belt. he looked into the mirror. "So what do you think?" He asked turning around. "Do I look like attending material?"

"Of course you do." Anna said to him, "but then I think I am a little biased. It's what's inside that counts and you care about kids, more than any other peds I know. You'll knock them dead today, or rather back to life."

Doug smiled at her. "Well thanks...you know last night on the couch you didn't make me upset or anything. I got all soft hearted because it was the first time in awhile that someone has been really proud of me." He said walking over to her and holding her hand. "So thank you for that too." Doug gave her a quick kiss, "now come on and get dressed. I'll drive you to therapy...you can hit the weights and I can hit the books."

Anna just looked at him, "have you seen me with any bags?" She asked cocking her head to one side, "I have to go shopping because the majority of my clothes are somewhere between here and Texas. I'll ride with you to the hospital and then run over to the apartment and grab some."

Doug sighed. "You make my life complicated." Doug walked into the living room and put all of his folders into his bag. he looked at his watch and realized he was running behind. "Ahh a little too late for breakfast but i will still catch lunch with you. do you want me to drop you off at your apartment or saks fifth avenue?' he joked putting on his jacket.

"Saks isn't open yet silly." She said, "at the apartment would be fine. I promise therapy before I exercise my credit cards." She pulled on her jacket, "and I don't complicate your life, I add spice to it."

"Ahh that must be it." he said opening the door. the wind blew and caught him just right. "Damn its cold." he said looking up. the sky was grey, even though the sun had just come up Doug could already tell it looked like a storm was heading their way. "You didn't catch the weather channel did ya?" Doug made his way through the wind and into the car. After Anna was in he made the drive to her apartment. "You sure you don't need any help with anything? I can be a little late if I need to."

She took a deep breath in, "no I think I'll be okay. I don't think that I have much left." She said she was saying this more for her own benefit than his, "don't worry I'll be fine. I won't pack much, and I'll make sure that the bags are light enough that I can carry them. Besides I am not going to have you be late on your first day as boss."

"Well I'm at least opening the door for you." he said setting the car in park and getting out. it seemed colder than when he left. he hoped people would be smart enough to stay home. Doug opened the car door for Anna and helped her out. He walked her to the front door of her apartment building and stopped to take her hands and he brought one of her hands up and kissed it, setting it on his smooth cheek. "be careful ok?" he said to her before leaning in to give her a goodbye kiss.

"I will." She said pulling away from him and putting her key into the door. "I'll swing thru the ER on my way up to get PT so that you know I'm okay." She said her hand shaking as she pushed the door open.

Doug noticed her hand but also realized she was tired of him making sure she was ok. "Alright" he said turning and walking back to his car. Doug watched her go in before he pulled away toward the hospital. After running inside from the cold Doug quickly threw his things in the lounge and grabbed all the charts he had reviewed and signed to put them away. He walked past Weaver at admit. "So we got anything yet? It looks pretty quiet here."

Kerry glanced up at him, "nope been dead for awhile now." She said tossing a chart in the rack. "Hopefully it will stay that way for awhile. Well at least for us. Word gets out about us having a peds ER and I am sure that you will eventually be swamped but as for right now all is quiet on the home front."

"Good to know." Doug said setting his charts down, "do I need to let you know who I decide to hire since you are the chief or what? Also, as far as nurses go is it alright if I ask some of the ER nurses if they would like to work in peds on their extra time?" Doug asked pulling out the paper he had written the budget information on. he really wanted to show weaver that he was more then capable of handling this.

"Nope Doug, you don't have to run it by me." She said looking at him, "you will be required to attend all the department head meetings, and of course you have your budget that was set, but the only one you have to answer to now is Romano. As of yesterday, I am not longer your boss, I am Chief of Emergency Medicine, and you're the department head for the Ped's ER."

Doug sighed. "Romano...that sucks." he joked winking at Kerry. "If he knew I had my attending job hell would probably freeze over for him, which would leave the tiny guy one cold little imp." He hated Romano and was really glad that he was a surgeon and rarely down in the ER. but on the occasions he was...life was miserable.

"Yeah I know I've been dealing with him a lot longer." Kerry said, "he can be a real pain sometimes, but you have to admit he does have his good points too...wait did I just say that. Think I need some more coffee. But you should have seen Abby laying into him yesterday. I actually thought that she was," Kerry started to laugh, "going to punt him across the ambulance bay."


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55:**

Anna shut the door behind her leaning against it for support before heading into the bedroom. She opened the closet and pulled out a duffle bag. She looked thru her closet pulling out what clothes she had left in there. It wasn't much. She quickly changed her clothes and found a pair of sweats and tee for up at PT. She didn't want to walk into the ER in workout clothes. Granted she was now probably extremely overdressed, but it wasn't like she had a lot of choice. She walked out of the bedroom, there sitting by the TV was one of their wedding pictures. She stopped for a minute looking at it before picking it up then setting it back down. The man in her life now was more than the man in that picture would ever be. She put her coat back on and grabbed the pile of her CD's that were on the kitchen table along with some charts that she needed to take back to the hospital and stuffed them into the duffle bag before heading out locking the door behind her. She wouldn't be coming back. The wind was blowing and snow was starting to fall as she darted across the street toward the ER. The walk wasn't that far, but it seemed farther than she remembered it. She stood outside for a minute shaking the snow from her hair and off her dress. Why she couldn't have been a little more sensible and put on the sweats she wasn't sure. But she smoothed over the little black dress as she started to walk inside. She then pushed her hair back from her face as her eyes darted around the ER for any sign of Doug.

"So you were trying to be love matcher today?" He said smiling at her. "I hope whatever you did Abby that it worked. I don't feel that tired, since I've been sleeping all day" Carter admitted to her.

"Yeah matchmaker," she yawned, "you know there are just some people who are so in love with each other but just can't admit it to themselves. And just need a little pushing to get there. I nearly killed Romano for letting her out of her with out telling anyone. But dang it would have felt so good to kick his little butt across the ambulance bay. But I like my job."

Doug laughed. "Well that I would have liked to have seen." He picked up a chart and walked into exam one to see if his first patient as an attending.

"Well whatever you did, I'm glad your a matchmaker" he told her. "Yea I know what you mean, I mean" he told her. He just held her in his arm well his good one

Anna walked over to the admit desk. "Hey Dr. Weaver, have you seen Dr. Ross?" She asked.

Kerry looked up, "hi Anna. Yeah he just went in to see a patient."

Anna pulled the charts out of her bag and put them into bin for medical records to have. She stood there for a minute, she could see him thru the window, and "he's a good doctor." She said.

Kerry looked up from her charting, "yeah he is. But he's going to be busy with his peds ER."

Anna picked her bag back up, "yeah I know he is." She said, "look I'm not going to hang out long, maybe snake a cup of coffee from the lounge before I head upstairs to PT. Could you tell him I was here." She said as she started to walk towards the lounge.

"I'll pass the message along." Kerry said putting her mind back on the charts in front of her.

Abby closed her eyes, "we'll see come tomorrow if I am a good one. I don't know. Anna was so determined to leave I don't know if Doug caught her in time. For both of them I hope that she didn't." She snuggled against his body, "I'm going to get some sleep baby."

Doug walked out of the exam room. Another case of the flu...and he happened to be in the way of the kid getting sick. He walked over to Weaver setting down the chart. "Remind me again why I even bother dressing up." He quickly walked to the supply closet and changed shirts. He walked back over as he signed the chart. "Two questions for you...do I still need to run narcotics scripts by you and have you heard anything about Carter? I was talking to Abby last night but our conversation got cut short." Doug remembered why it was cut too. He had to thank her for tracking down Romano like that...he was dreading going up to the surgical floor however. He didn't want to remind Romano that he had thrown him earlier; he was happy with his new job and wanted to keep it.

"No, you don't have to run narcotics by me," Kerry said, "Carter should be getting out today. I'm sure that they will stop by the ER on their way out. Oh, and you had a visitor while getting puked on." Kerry smiled and chuckled at the now once well dressed doctor in a scrub top, "Anna said to let you know she was okay, how anyone would want to raid the coffee in the lounge is beyond me. That stuff is nasty especially when Jerry makes it. That would have been more than an extra jolt to get her thru PT." Kerry looked up at him, "shame that she's leaving us."

Doug grinned. "Actually I was meaning to tell you. I...well it's a long story but she decided to stay with us. I am going to hire her in my peds ER. I'm sure she'll double board for you but I told her she couldn't do anything until she was fully cleared."

"And she actually listened?" Kerry said almost surprised. "We'll just have to make sure that she doesn't do any under handing manipulation to get Robert to clear her before she's ready."

Doug just shook his head. "Nah, I think I have a pretty good hold on what she is going to do." Doug smiled when he said it. He knew that his new girlfriend would have to listen to him, especially if she was staying with him for a few days.

"Okay if you say so." Kerry said getting up from her chair, "I have two med students in the suture room, and I'm going to go make sure that they haven't sutured each other together. I'm sure that she will work out just fine for the peds ER. You'll need her more than I will since I hired on the moonlighter that was here. I don't want to overwork her. Can't burn out what doctor's I have left."

Anna had gotten as far a filling a cup of coffee, the early morning surprise of the alarm had left her tired, she sat on the couch and kicked back before drifting off into a blissful dream.

Doug walked into the lounge to put his dirty shirt in his locker. He saw Anna sitting on the couch and decided not to wake her up. after all, it was because of him that she had gotten up so early. he opened his locker and went to put his shirt in when a picture on the inside caught his eye. one of the ones he had taped on was a picture of him, carol, and his girls the past Halloween. they were all dressed up and Doug had the pumpkin. the next one was just of him and carol on Christmas. they seemed so happy in the picture but Doug thought back to the fight they had shortly after it. Doug looked back at the first and kissed his hand and touched the photo. "my girls."

Anna opened up one eye peaking at him while she kept her head on the arm of the couch. "You miss them don't you? Why don't you spend some time with them tonight?"

Doug looked over his shoulder and shut his locker. "What are you talking about?" Doug had spent enough time in self pity he didn't need anyone else doing the same for him. He walked over and sat next to her on the couch. "Didn't mean to wake you. It's been kind of slow." he looked at her nice dress and raised his eyebrows. "Guess you haven't made it up to PT yet."

She started to stretched as she remember that she wasn't in her jeans anymore, as she quickly reached down and pulled her dress back into place, "uh no, but I'm getting there. I told you I would and I will, why what time is it anyway?"

"bout nine" Doug answered standing up. "I told Weaver you decided to stay. She seemed pretty happy about it...I also said that you had to be totally cleared before you thought about coming back which better happen. No going to Romano on this one." Doug didn't mean to talk down to her but that's how it sounded, even to him. He grabbed a few aspirin from the counter and searched through the fridge for an unopened bottle of water. "I guess I need to bring my own stuff. so much for the old days of sharing."

"Yeah okay." She said reaching down into her bag, "here catch." She said as she waited for his attention before throwing a bottle of water at him. "I am going to grab a coffee from the newsstand, do you want one?"

Doug caught the water with one hand and shut the fridge. "Thanks babe." after downing the aspirin he handed her water back. "nah the last thing I need is more coffee burning a hole in my stomach." Doug rolled his neck "I don't know I'm starting to not feel very well. I told you you'd give me some disease." he joked. Doug pushed open the door to the lounge and waited for her to follow him out.

She followed him out the door punching his arm as she passed by him, "I'm not the one who got puked on Doc. I'll find you later." She said as she darted out the ambulance bay door. She walked over to the newspaper stand and got her coffee as she headed back. She had to jump as a car came screaming around the corner. A frantic woman jumped out, she was screaming about her baby. Anna's instincts kicked in as she ran over. God the baby was blue; she scooped up the infant and ran back inside the ER. "Doug!" She yelled at the top of her lungs as she headed for trauma 1.

Doug heard her yell and followed her in. He gently pushed aside the mother. "Chuny get her out of here." Doug stepped beside Anna and took a look. "Ok...i need an intubation tray. get me a blood gas and a tox screen." he went to intubate the child and looked up at Anna. "I got it"

She nodded as she took the child's mother by the arm looking at Chuny, "I've got her." She said as she walked the mother out of the room. "Your baby's in good hands." She looked up watching Doug work, "come with me and let the doctor take care of her." Anna led the mother to chairs and then headed up the stairs towards the PT room. She changed clothes and grabbed her water bottle before getting serious with her workout. It ripped her in two not being able to stay and help rescutate that baby, but she would have been in the way. She took her frustrations out on the weights and the treadmill. Pushing herself as hard as she could.

Doug looked at the tox screen. The baby had ingested something that was depressing her respiratory system. Doug had the baby intubated and needed to find out what she had taken. "Kerry, i need you in here!" he yelled as he passed her going to talk to her mother. "what did your baby take? did you give her anything? its very important that you tell me right now." the woman just shook her head as she cried hysterically. Doug got frustrated and walked back into the trauma room. "that baby took something. i cant make it out in the tox screen so its probably a combination of something." he sighed looking down at the girl. "i cant get anything out of the mother."

Kerry looked at the baby and then at Doug, "let me go and talk to the mother." Kerry said as she walked out of the trauma room and sat down next to the mother. After several minutes of coaxing Kerry finally was able to get to the bottom of what had happened. "Doug the baby got into the mother's Vicodin and Depakote." It explained why the infant was not breathing.

"Ahh perfect." he said as he went to grab the chart. "let's get some charcoal." after he signed the order he turned to Kerry. "thanks. we really needed that." Doug stayed with the baby until she was perking up a little. the charcoal did the trick and although the baby was sluggish she seemed better. Doug rubbed his face and looked at his watch. the case had taken longer then he had thought and it was a little past noon. "seven more hours" he said to himself. he checked his pager, no messages. he thought carol might have called him about the girls. he walked to admit to check out what patients he could see. although there were no peds cases he had a bunch of paperwork left to do. Doug sat down in front of the computer to start some work and to wait for something to do.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

Anna hit the showers and dressed again. She looked at her watch...damn lunch with Doug! She left her hair down, not feeling like putting it back up and she slipped her shoes back on. She headed back into the ER and walked up to the admit desk, "hey, how's the baby?"

Doug snapped out of his daze to answer her. "Huh? Oh she's better. people should really put away their medication though." Doug rubbed his eyes. he hated doing research. he knew it was almost time to write another paper to present to the hospital and he had no new ideas. "How was therapy?" he asked without looking at her.

"It was okay. They kicked me out for the day, said I was an overachiever." She noticed that he hadn't looked at her while she was talking to him. He had rubbed his eyes and look tired. She didn't want to get in his way or bug him. "Sorry about getting into the middle of that, I won't let it happen again. I'm off to do some shopping so I guess that I will meet you back here when you are off at 7." She started to walk away from the admit desk.

"Here, why don't you take my car." he said tossing her the keys. "I have faith in you. I'll take the EL home." Doug sat back down and stared at the computer. "Don't wait up for me ok? I doubt I'll be back at seven." Doug started to type again and then realized that they were supposed to have lunch. "Anna?" he said looking back up at her. "Sorry about lunch. I know I promised you."

"Don't worry about it, no big deal." She said catching his keys in her hand. She headed outside and walked towards the jeep. After climbing inside she had every intention of going shopping but found herself parking in front of her lawyer office instead. She spent a couple of hours there, walked out with a restraining order and her apartment back. She drove the jeep back to the apartment and went inside. She sat down and called the airlines. It would take a few days but she would eventually be able to get her bags back. She pulled boxes out of the closet and started throwing his stuff into them. Which she moved down to the storage unit. The apartment looked a lot barer. She pulled down a bag of popcorn and sat down at her PC. She pulled up the directory for CCG and found Doug's hospital email address. She wasn't even sure if he'd know to check there, but oh well, she fired one off anyway, telling him where she was hiding out for now.

Doug was online when a friendly computer voice popped up. "You've got mail." Doug cocked his head and clicked his mailbox. "Who would email me?" He thought as he read the message he smiled and he was glad that Anna was getting things under control. He sent her a simple message back but thought it would speak volumes. "Glad about your apartment...hope you don't plan on spending tonight there. Love Always, Doug."

Anna smiled when she read his message. She walked over and turned on the gas fireplace, poured herself a glass of wine, she pulled a book from the shelves. Nothing like a good steamy romance novel to pass the time, she thought to herself as she pulled her legs up under her and the blanket off the back of the couch. 400 pages should have kept her occupied after getting thru the first 100 she found herself drifting off to sleep.

Doug looked at his watch. He had spent a whole day working and had only seen a few patients. "At least I got some research done," he thought. It was nearly eight and he wanted to go home. He couldn't find weaver but punched out anyway. he brought his left over paperwork and walked outside to find his jeep. "Ahh damnit" he said when he realized he had given the car to Anna. Doug sighed as he walked up the icy steps to the EL. The train was packed and with his arms full with files he hoped he wouldn't fall.

Anna stretched and looked up at the clock. "Oh crapola." She said standing up. She turned off the fireplace, the lights and grabbed both her keys and Doug's. She had the manager change the locks on the doors. She put on her coat and walked down to the jeep. She started to negotiate her way down the icy Chicago streets and pulled up in front of the house. She didn't see any lights on as she headed up the front steps, unlocked the door and headed inside. She turned the heat up and sat down on his couch with her book.

"Hey watch it!" Doug yelled as some jerk shoulder checked him one the street. Doug slammed the folders down as he best over to pick up the papers he had dropped. "only a little further" he told himself. finally he made it to his door, nearly a half an hour after he had left the hospital. Doug scraped the ice off his shoes and messed with his keys. he leaned against the door and it opened up. "Huh" he said once he walked in he saw why the door was unlocked. He saw Anna stretched out on the couch reading a sappy romance novel. "those things can kill brain cells you know." he said shuffling in.

"That they might, but hey it kept me out of trouble, thought that might be something you like." She said shifting her weight to look at him, "rough day?"

"You could say that." Doug said setting the folders on the counter and walking over to sit next to her on the couch. he lifted her legs up and set them on his lap once he sat down. "What about you?"

"Nope not rough at all, I'm the one with the life of leisure right now." She said, "what are you in the mood for, dinners on me."

"I think I'm in the mood for staying home." Doug sighed and rubbed his eyes. he couldn't shake his headache. "I don't know, maybe just a sandwich. Doug patted her legs and stood up. "you make what you want. I'm going to change...I swear I don't think I can stand to get thrown up on again." he walked into his bedroom and put on a tee-shirt and some workout pants. Doug walked back into the living room to find Anna. "You get to pick the activity tonight...I don't care what it is as long as it doesn't involve paperwork."

Anna settled back on the couch, "I don't know." She said fidgeting with her hair, "how about just some TV, surely there has to be a ball game on or some kind of extreme sports thing going on. I know that you don't want anymore paperwork," she said reaching down for a manila envelope that was near her book, "but give this a look over later, it's a treatment option that we were looking into for infants in acute respiratory distress. All the research and grants that I secured are in there, so I won't bore you with all the details right now. If you don't like it that's fine too, just say the word and I will find another pediatrician to pass if off on." Anna said as she picked up the remote and flicked on the TV. "Ah, snowboarding." She moved so that she was sitting behind him and started to rub his neck and temples.

Doug closed his eyes. That was exactly what he needed. "Thanks for looking that up Anna...I...Ahh" Doug jumped a little as Anna hit a knot in his neck. He dropped his head and tried to relax again. "Thanks for this too. You're really great for putting up with me."

Anna smiled, "I want to put up with you. Besides this gives me an excuse to have my hands on you." She said rubbing a little harder trying to melt the tension in his neck with her hands. "I should send you to bed, you feel a little warm."

"I feel a little sick." he said reaching around and pulling her into his lap. "But I like being here with you."

"Mmm, I like it too." She said smiling, "I'm so sorry that I gave you some terrible disease." She joked as she poked him.

"Yeah but I'm tempted to give it right back to you." he said leaning over to give her a kiss. Doug leaned back against the couch and rested his hand on her stomach. "so...what are you in the mood for, for dinner? I don't care what it is as long as I'm not cooking."

She smiled, "why don't I run down to the deli and grab us some fried chicken." She said to him. "Should only take me a couple of minutes if you can live with out me that long."

"HA! I'm sure I can manage." Doug joked releasing his grip on her so she could stand. "do me a favor and pick up some kind of cold or flu medicine for me." Doug said before laying down on the couch and grabbing the TV controller. he rested his head on the arm rest and pulled his knees up. there had to be something good on to watch. "just be careful and hurry back...unless you want me to go with you."

"Na you rest, I'm sure that the boogie man isn't going to get me." She said pulling her coat on, "I'll get ya some Theraflu." As she headed out the door, "don't miss me too much." She called pulling the door shut behind her as she hurried down the street.

Doug rolled his eyes as he watched her leave. he got up and grabbed a beer to bring back with him to the couch. he didn't see anything on TV so he grabbed the DVD box that he hadn't unpacked yet and looked through it. after much debate he finally pulled out one of his favorite movies, Hoosiers. Doug put in on and propped his feet up to wait for Anna to get back.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57:**

Anna hustled into the Deli, it wasn't crowded, she got dinner and then popped into the drug store and grabbed Doug some Theraflu before heading back up to his house. She pushed the door open and hurried inside shaking the snow off her, "god its cold out there. Drugs and dinner have arrived." She said as she kissed the top of his head, "what you want first?"

"Thanks babe," he said standing up. "Uhh better give me the medicine. I want to shake this by tomorrow. It would look bad if I call in sick on my second day." He walked into the kitchen with her and could smell the chicken. "That looks good." He said grabbing another drink, "why don't you bring all this over to the couch?"

"Yeah sure." She said picking up the food and heading towards the couch. "Next time I'll cook for you." She said as she crossed her legs under her.

"That would be a nice surprise." Doug said downing some medicine. He made a face and reached for his drink. "God that stuff tastes bad." He scooted over next to Anna and grabbed some chicken. "My mom makes really good food. It must be the Italian in her or something. I wish I had inherited that from her." Doug started to cough. "Ohhh I cant get sick...its only Wednesday." He coughed again and set his chicken back down. "Maybe I'll just stick to water." He said with a smile. He had been looking forward to spending time with Anna all day...and it didn't involve sitting on the couch and feeling crappy. 'the powers that be must hate me' he thought.

She looked over at him, setting the chicken down as she stood up, "come on." She extended her hand, "there is no way that I am letting you sit here miserable. If you're good I'll even tuck you in and sing you a song."

Doug looked up at her and screwed on a fake smile as best he could. "I'm fine...I'm ok." He cracked his neck and looked back up at her. "I want to spend time with you. I didn't get to see you all day."

"What and me miss the opportunity to tuck you in for a change?" She said still looking at him. "You're not fine. Listen to you. You've had hardly any sleep over the past couple of weeks; you're running yourself down, please. I'll snuggle up next to you it doesn't matter to me what we do as long as we're together."

Doug sighed. He knew he wasn't going to win this one. He grabbed her hand and stood up. "Alright, but only cause you're beautiful," he smiled as he put his arm around her and walked into the bedroom. He started to cough and walked into the bathroom and doubled over coughing. Finally he got it under control and splashed some water on his face, looking into the mirror and grimaced. "God I look awful." He said before standing up straight again. He walked back over and sat on the bed with his back facing Anna and looked at the clock. It was only a little after nine. "Its pretty early, if you're not tired you don't have to lie down with me...you can watch the movie in there."

She scooted across the bed wrapping her arms around him as she leaned over him, "I wouldn't be anywhere else right now. I know its not late, but I want to be here." she kissed his check as she pulled him backwards onto the bed and wiggled out from under him.

"How'd I get so lucky to find you?" Doug asked in one last attempt to salvage the night. He reached for the covers at the bottom of the bed as he coughed again. He didn't grab them but laid back down on his back. He had, had it, he hated being sick and it was coming at such a bad time it pissed him off.

"Lucky to find me, well that might be a stretch," she said as she pulled the covers up over him and snuggled next to him. "I know you're not happy being sick right now, and I can totally sympathize with you baby." She stretched up and kissed his forehead. "Just rest you'll feel better before you know it. If not we can gimp around together."

"Mmm that'd be nice." he said scooting down and resting his head on her shoulder. Doug rolled his eyes and sighed. Anna had come in at the perfect time in his life. Even though he didn't see it that way then he did now. "So come on...you promised me a song."

Anna closed her eyes, "yes I promised you a song. Don't cover up your ears and howl." She said laughing as she took a deep breath and stroked his hair, she slowly and softly started to sing, "it still feels like our first night together, feels like the first kiss, and it's getting better baby, no one can better this I'm still holding and your still the one. The first time out eyes met, its the same feeling I get only feels much stronger I want to love you longer you still turn the fire on so if your feeling lonely don't you're the only one I'd ever want i only want to make it good so if I love ya a little more than I should please forgive me." She sang her voice soft as she tried to lull him to sleep.

Doug tried hard to keep his eyes open. Her voice was beautiful and he wanted to tell her. But the soft melody made his body realize how tired it really was, slowly he began to relax and was asleep before she was halfway done.

Anna kissed his cheek and she slipped off the bed. She walked out the living room and opened up her lap top. And headed back to the bedroom she sat back down on the bed and she pulled up her downloaded email and started to go thru them. She had over 200 from the last week and most of them where from her patients that she had left in Philadelphia. The kids and parents had kept in touch with her. There was some good news in there and some bad news. She would send the replies back when she was at her apartment tomorrow. She sat there and wrote the happy to hear you're doing betters, the sorry to hear things are going well for you, and unfortunately she had to sent out two condolences to parents who's children hadn't survived. She laid back against the bed and closed her eyes. It was now a little after 1. She hadn't intended to stay up that late. But she had a few more that she wanted to finish. She hit the save button as her eyes drifted closed.

Doug woke up coughing. He tried quickly to get into the other room so he wouldn't wake up Anna and he closed the door to the bedroom. Once he was in the living room and ran his hands through his sweaty hair. He knew he had a high fever. He stared at the green numbers on the clock in the kitchen. 2:00 burned into his sore head. he sighed as he shuffled over to grab some aspirin and more of the medicine Anna had bought. after downing some more he practically collapsed on the couch. he tried to muffle his coughs the best he could and reached for a blanket. the house was always really cold at night and being sick made it feel even more so. Doug reached for his Discman and slipped it over his ears. Shawn Mullins played into his head as he tried to get back to sleep.

Anna awoke to find her hair tangled up in her lap top. And Doug not in the bed. She glanced over at the clock...ugh she had only been asleep for a few hours. She was stuck; there was no getting out this one by herself. "Oh SOB!" She muttered. She padded out to the living room where she found Doug on the couch. "Hey," she said her voice not very loud, "Doug, hum I hate to bother you, but baby I'm stuck." She stood over him her lap tap miserably now twisted in with her long blonde hair.

Doug was singing in his head to the music playing on his CD player. music always seemed to make his mind get off what was bothering him. he felt a strange feeling that someone was looking at him. slowly he opened his eyes to see Anna...and her laptop, standing above him. he slowly pulled the earphones off his head and tried not to grin as he sat up. "what the hell did you do?"

She lifted the lap top up so that she could see him, "I fell asleep while I was answering my emails and the laptop closed with me in it." She said, "would you please for god sake help untangle baby please this is so not funny. I am bloody stuck to my laptop."

Doug couldn't help it. he had to laugh. "yeah come on." he said standing up. Doug looked for a solution and decided it was best to just try and open up the computer. "you're lucky I'm a talented guy, otherwise I'd just cut your hair off." he joked before pressing the release to get her free. "all better?" he asked before coughing again. Doug rolled his eyes and sat back down. "I didn't wake you did I? I tried to be really quiet cause I know you need to sleep."

"No you didn't wake me. It was the blasted machine thinking it needed me for a snack." She said laughing herself. "You know maybe we should find someone to cover for you tomorrow you look..." She stopped for a minute, "beat." She was going to say awful, but he didn't look awful, he looked worn out and sick. It hit her that she was being mother henish towards him, "okay wait a hate it when people do that to me. You want me to sit up with you? Or go back to bed and let you lay here blissfully listening to your music?"

Doug made a face as he looked up at her. "blissful wouldn't be the word I would use... then again neither would beat but either way..." doug sighed as he looked at the clock again."There's no since in both of us being miserable...and I cant call in sick tomorrow. Weaver would have my ass. I'll just have to suck it up I guess." Doug patted her hand as she stood in front of him. "You have to go shopping tomorrow anyway, you need energy for that." Doug stopped for a second. He knew there was something he had wanted to tell her. "you know I should have said it as soon as I saw you but you looked beautiful today...I really liked that dress." He said with a wink and grin.

"Why thank you." She said smiling. "Oh I totally managed to forget about doing that. Guess I got a little involved in other things today." She said sighing, and she leaned down to kiss the top of his head. She turned and headed back towards the bedroom, "thank you for rescuing me from me. I love you baby."

Carter smiled at Abby's remark's "Yea they do don't they, i mean sometimes people just don't go as far as they need to "Carter told her "I'm glad were together" he told her as he held her in his arm. Just the smell of her hair. She smelled nice today. "You smell nice, "He told her with loving tender.

"I love you too." Doug said as he waved Anna off. he really didn't want to sit up alone but he knew Anna needed her sleep and there was no reason for her to stay with him. he set his head back down and tried to sleep. he tossed and turned so much on the couch that it was impossible. his back already hurt from getting hit by the cops and the hard couch didn't help. Doug quietly walked back into the bedroom and laid back down next to Anna again. he closed his eyes tightly as he tried to be still and not make any noise. he knew it was only a matter of hours before his alarm clock sounded and he's have to be up again.

Anna felt him get into the bed as she snuggled up next to him, the warmth of his body drawing her sleeping form next to him.

"Thanks John." Abby said to him. "But I know that I smell like I've been living at a hospital. We'll get you home and tucked into bed when Romano discharges you and then I'm going to take a long hot shower."


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58:**

Doug wrapped his arms around Anna's. He finally fell asleep just as his alarm sounded. his mind blocked it out as he remained to sleep.

Anna stirred hearing the beeping coming from the alarm clock; she laid there for a minute listening to it before it dawned on what it was. She shifted in his arms, so that she could poke at him with one arm as she covered her head with the pillow. She didn't want to get out of the warm bed. "Alarm Doug." She said as she gently jabbed at him.

Doug didn't move until he felt something poke his chest. He swatted at her hand. "mmm... knock it off." he groaned still half asleep.

Anna sat up now looking at down at him. She didn't want to be a witch to him but if he wasn't going to call in sick he needed to get moving. She looked at the clock ugh it was almost 6 now, "look mister if you don't get moving you're going to be late...either you get up or I am going in for you." She smiled that outta get him out of that bed. She had no intentions of going into County today period. Not to work, not to visit, she was staying away from the hospital today and taking a day to herself.

Doug's head shot up and the sound of Anna's loud voice. "what?" he asked. slowly he turned and looked at his clock. "Ohhh damn it." he said sitting up. he rubbed his face and stood up lowly. he didn't even bother to go into the bathroom. he walked over to his dresser and grabbed a pair of slacks and the scrub top he came home in. it took him a moment for jumping around to get his balance enough to put on his pants. then threw the top over his tee-shirt and went to sit back down on the bed. "so you're going shopping today?" he asked holding his head. "buy something nice." he said turning around to give her a kiss.

She kissed him back, "yeah of course I will." She said as she curled back up on the bed. "But first I am going back to that dream where you and I are sitting on the beach drinking mia tias."

"I'll come do mia tias with you tonight." he said with a wink. He breathed in deep and stood up his whole body ached. he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. After grabbing some of his folders and the research Anna had gotten he put on his coat and left the house. He would let Anna have the jeep again. even though he felt awful he would feel worse knowing that she would have to take the EL carrying all the clothes she bought. After making his way to the train and to county Doug drug himself through the doors. he plunked down in a chair at admit setting the folders down. he dropped his head and let his rest on the files. out of the corner of his eye he saw weaver. "don't you ever go home?"

"Yeah," She said then very bluntly added, "you look like crap Doug. No flu shot this year? Stick around for an hour while I float someone down from peds. The last thing I need is for another doctor to become useless." She said as she started to walk off, "next time when I say flu shot time, get it."

"You know...maybe it's a different strain of something." he said sarcastically with his head still down. Doug grumbled to himself as he managed to sit up. he looked on the board to find a simple peds case that didn't require much thought. he grabbed a chart for a 5yr old with croup and headed into exam one.

Anna climbed out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. Ugh, she sighed as she walked out toward the living room and picked up her bag. She dug thru it finding a hair brush that she pulled thru her tangled computer mangled hair. She the reached back down and pulled out clothes. God it was a business suit but it would work. She quickly changed out of what she had on into it. She zipped the bag up and kicked it under the coffee table. Before finding her coat. She picked up her laptop shoving it back in its case, the stupid machine. She looked out the window noticing that Doug had left her the car. He should have taken it with the way he was feeling. She zipped up her coat and headed out the door. She pulled up in front of a cyber cafe for coffee and internet to send off her emails before going shopping.

Kerry walked back to the admit desk, she had finally gotten them to float down a resident peds doc. It wasn't Doug but it would work, she waited patiently for him to finish up with the patient that he was with before telling him to go home and rest before he got the rest of her staff sick.

Doug handed the mother of his patient a script that "should clear it right up" Doug said walking back over to admit to find another simple case.

Kerry looked up at Doug, "get out of here." She said, "they sent down a resident from peds to get me thru the rest of the day. Susan is on at 11 and Pratt will be here. So I have enough hands."

Doug opened his mouth to protest but when he started coughing again he decided he better take the charity. he gave her thumbs up and he grabbed his things to leave. "i better tell Anna where i am" he thought. once he was outside he dug through his pocket and pulled out his phone. somehow she had made it up his speed dial to #1. he hit send and waited for her to pick up.

Anna felt her phone vibrate as she walked towards the jeep. She fumbled with the keys, bags and tried to answer the phone. She flipped it open as she threw the bags in the back seat, "Anna."

"Hey it's Doug." He said into the phone. Doug looked up at the falling snow. He was glad he was getting out now before the EL got packed. "Weaver has a heart. She told me to leave before I infected the rest of her staff. Are you out shopping already?"

"Yeah I am." She said laughing, "I even hit the cyber cafe. I can pick you up so you don't have to take the EL if you want baby. I'm only maybe 5 or 10 minutes from County."

Doug looked around. He really didn't want to take the EL but Anna deserved a day to herself. "Nah...I'm a tough guy. I want you to have a great day. Go out and have some fun...just take care of my jeep."

"Yeah the jeep take care of your jeep." She smiled. As she locked the doors and headed for another store. She stopped, "hey get some sleep I'll be home before you know it okay." She didn't want to sound to sappy, but what the hell, "I miss you."

"Oh I'm sure." Doug said before hanging up. "me too." he jumped on the el and made his way back to his house. after he made some tea he sat down on the couch and cracked open the unfinished files he had. after working on a few Doug leaned his head back to rest on the back of the couch and fell asleep.


	59. Chapter 59

_A/N: the updates are going to be a little more sporatic for this one sorry, but I have a heavy class load and yesterday I suffered a hard drive failure, which means I lost the chapters that I had on there. So it's going to take me a little longer now that I have to start from scratch moving them. I know it's a lot of Doug/Anna but remember it's an RPG board and I am taking the posts from there, so it's pretty much whoever was on at the time... sorry can't change that cause this was started 2 years ago._**  
**

**Chapter 59:**

Anna walked into the store and flipped thru the racks, she found several pieces to wear to work, jeans for crashing in, some oversized guy sweatshirts, she stood in front of the mirror in a dark red dress that tied behind her neck, the material floated down by her legs. This one would be perfect for that nice dinner, romantic music and good food date she was promised. After giving her credit card a good workout, she threw everything in the back of the car.

Her phone rang once more and she answered it surprised to hear her lawyer on the other end of the phone. She headed to his office where she talked with him for awhile before he gave her a stack of papers. She was thrilled. She hadn't expected this to go uncontested. As she headed back to the house she swung into a deli and got Doug some hot soup and some stuff for his cough. She was tired as she pulled everything out of the back of the jeep and headed into the house. "Baby I'm home." She called out as she stepped inside. Her day couldn't be going any better.

Doug slowly opened his eyes. "No way." he brought his head up and looked at his watch. "Ahh damn it! I wanted to have these done by the time you got home." he said with a cough. He looked behind her shoulder at her and smiled. She looked pretty happy. "You have a good day?"

"Yeah you know what I did." She said sitting down on the couch next to him, her pile of bags now next to her legs. "I shopped." She reached down, "some hot soup for my sick baby, and here some stuff for the cough of yours. You're lucky I'm a doctor." She said laughing, as she threw the papers from the lawyer onto the coffee table.

Doug smiled as he took the soup. "Alright you read my mind..." he glanced at the papers she threw on the table. He could guess what they were and opted out of that conversation for now. He leaned over and gave her a kiss. "I hope i get a fashion show later for some of the things you bought." he said with a wink.

"Ohhh you evil, evil man," She said laughing, "yes I'll show you what I bought later, well some of it. I do like to keep a surprise or two up my sleeve." She sat back on the couch. "Today couldn't be more perfect. I'm happy and here with my favorite man."

"Favorite, alright," Doug said smiling. "So i was thinking...maybe if I'm feeling better this weekend we could spend some time with my girls." Doug had never asked how she felt about kids or families. Just because she was a peds doctor he didn't automatically assume that she liked kids. Especially, not his. "And understand that you're under no obligation to say yes. I know a lot of women get freaked out when it comes to that kind of thing. So if you are, just say the word and I'll leave it alone."

"Time with you and your girls, I'd love too." She said smiling, "you know," She said putting her hand on his leg, "its part of the complete package, they are part of your life, I love kids Doug, whether they are mine or not." She got quiet for a minute, "it just happens that I don't have any of my own so I guess for now I just have to enjoy others. I have a job that allows me to be a part of several families. Granted working in the ER, I won't be able to get a close to the families as I did in Philly. But those will always be my kids. I don't want you to feel that you have to include me either, father/daughter time is important too, and well right now I'm kind of an outsider looking in." Anna stood up off the couch and put a big where she had been sitting, "these are for the girls, what can I say, I couldn't resist. I'm going to go lay down." She started to head towards the bedroom, "too much excitement today."

Carter looked at her again. "Ok, ok" he told her. "Your welcome" he said her. "I would like to get out of here sooner then later, this hospital seems to lead to bad things lately" he told her. "To me you smell nice any day" he told her

"Okay," Abby said sitting up and rubbing her eyes, "let me go chase down Romano and get your walking papers." She slipped off the gurney, "Don't go anywhere I will be right back."

Carol walked into the ER and saw Kerry at the desk, she was on today, and well she strolled in with the girls. They were going up to the daycare. "Morning Kerry, I will be right back down, I just need to drop these two little ones off at daycare" she said to her. Until Doug really got his act together she didn't want to see him around the girls.

"Okay Carol." Kerry said smiling as Carol walked by with the girls. "They sure are getting big."

Abby found Romano and got Carter's discharge papers all in order before heading back to the room, "okay Mister, let's blow this joint for awhile."

Carol smiled at Kerry. "Yea they are, there a handful at times to" Carol told her as she walked the girls upstairs' for daycare, and then came back down to start her shift. She just needed to keep her mind off of Doug. Carter smiled. "So i get to blow the joint" he said." Great let's go, but first where are my clothes" he asked as he slowly got out of the bed with the one good arm he had.

Abby tossed him a pair of scrubs. "These will have to do for now." She said smiling, "it's the best that I could come up with on such short notice."

John smiled at her as he took the scraps. "Thanks' he said to her as he used one arm. They were blue scrubs, he liked the color. He got dressed as much as possible as he could.

Abby smiled, "here let me help." She said as she untangled him and slipped his castled arm into the scrubs. "I know not the most fashionable of clothing but hey it's enough to get you out the door." She stepped back and pulled the wheelchair around, "hospital policy, sorry you have to ride out."

Carter smiled as she helped him get into the scrubs. "Hey that's great" He told her. When she had to mention the wheel chair policy, He had to moan about that. "Ugh but I can walk for myself" he told her.

Abby frowned, "okay look you want out of here and I want to keep my job. You know the rules John Carter." She said as she crossed her arms in front of her. "Get your cute little arise in that chair."

"All right all right, guess i can't argue with you today" he said to her as he sat down in the chair

She laughed as she started to push him out the door, "you will soon learn that you can't argue with me anyway. Men sure are slow learners on that one. Women are always right my dear."

"Us Men slow learners, isn't that a little bit mean" He said teasing her back.

"Mean, oh no, baby not mean at all." She said as she negotiated them into the elevator. "I'd never be mean to you. Besides I have this soft spot my man.

"Oh and what would this soft spot be?" Carter asked her as they were nearing the exit. He would be glad to get out of there as soon as possible.

Abby smiled, "in my heart baby, in my heart."

Doug followed her into the bedroom. "Hey" he said putting his arm around her waist. "That's a sweet thing you did." he said as he kissed her cheek. "You know, i think i could tough it out if you wanted to go somewhere fun close by. I could always beat you in darts again." he turned her around and put his hands on either side of her face. "I hate that we haven't had much fun lately." he said giving her a kiss.

"All right, cause I got a soft spot for you to" he told her. He said. "Can I stand now," He asked her wanting to get up from the chair

Anna smiled, "I don't know about that you're sick." She said wrapping her arms around the back of his neck. "But I suppose I could momentarily forget that for a little bit. Darts sounds fun."

Abby looked down at him, "Yeah sure." She said holding out her hand.

"Well what do you think doc? Will you let me out?" he joked. "I think my fever went down a..." he pulled away from her to cough. Ok that doesn't count." he said with a smile. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's a little after noon." She said, "I think that I can cut you a little slack." She smiled softly at him, "if you are sure that you are feeling up to it? Don't feel like you have to drag yourself out of this house on my account. I'm perfectly content, happy, free, and all yours."

"How about a walk in the park and some lunch, I really need to get out anyway." Doug said smiling at her. "It'll be fun, just let me change."

She smiled at him, "yeah sure that sounds like fun." She said sitting down on the bed, "oh," it was her turn to blush, "I guess you don't want me sitting here."

Doug laughed at her. "I don't care." he said grabbing some blue jeans and a sweater. "After the towel incident yesterday I couldn't get anymore self conscience." Doug said pulling off his shirt. "Although that whole scenario is not quite fair...me in the shower, you fully clothed. Once you get better you better be looking over your shoulder."

She laughed, "I'm not going to break. I am running miles on the treadmill now; I think my heart and body can take what ever you think you can dish out." She smiled now thinking back to him standing the bathroom with out the towel, "that was a sight."

"Hey" he said putting on his best pout face. "I'm...pretty fit right?" he asked looking down at his chest. Doug began to blush. "Ok you're right...get out of here you!" he said taking her by the hand.

"Hey now," She giggled, "I like what I see, I like what I see." Pulling free of his hand, "change already wills ya before my mind go much further of what I would love to do with a shirtless half naked man." She closed her eyes, her smile growing.

"See, that goes back to my theory that all women are evil." Doug joked slipping on his sweater and jeans. He sat on the bed and tired his boots. "Alright, let's head out." he said taking her hand. He walked over and grabbed her coat for her. "Park's just a couple of blocks if you want to walk." he asked setting his keys back down. "And speaking of running once you get cleared you should run with me. I need to get back into shape." he said opening the door for her.

"You don't listen to me do you?" She said darting out the door. "I'm cleared to run...what you think that they make me do on that treadmill." She stood at the bottom of the steps looking up at him, as she held out her hand, "I'd run circles around you. But do me a favor would you, stop reminding me that I have to be cleared to do everything, besides to you really want me to ask my doctor to clear me to sleep with you? Huh?"

Doug stood with his mouth open. He couldn't think of a witty remark to say back to that. "No" he said slowly making his way down the stairs. "But there is a difference between running on a treadmill with doctors near by and running on the street with a guy that could smoke ya." he said locking the door. "I won't say another word about being cleared i promise...just know I'm thinking it." Doug still felt like it was his fault she had gotten so bad the first time. He had almost lost her then and didn't want it to happen again. "As for tonight's activities go...you can consult me on that one." he said taking her hand and started the short walk.

'Boost the poor guy's ego Anna', she thought to herself. "Yeah you're right you could smoke me. And I guess that there is a difference. It's just really hard to take it so slow all the time. I miss working, seeing you in that trauma the other day reminded me how much I love what I do, and how much I hate not being able to do it." She said wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked. "And I know that you are thinking it, how could someone so caring not think about it. Look I don't know if I want to really say this or not with things going so perfectly between us," she shrugged her shoulders and laid her head on his arm as they walked, "oh never mind, forget that I said anything." His over protectiveness of her was giving her this odd feeling that he still felt that it was his fault that she was in the shape she was, but she didn't think that there was anything that she could say that would change the way that he felt. Besides she was the one who covered it up, she was the one who tried to deceive him by pretending nothing happened. Maybe there were something's that were just better left unsaid, they weren't that good at having anything better than light hearted conversations anyway. She didn't want to ruin whatever good thing that they had by opening her mouth and causing them to have some sort of argument, they had, had enough of those to last for awhile and she wasn't in the mood to have another one for a long time. She had almost lost the best thing in her life because she had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Doug breathed out. Being outside made him feel a little better. "If you ever change your mind about ending that sentence in never mind let me know." he joked. They reached the park and Doug went to sit down on a bench. He looked over at the concrete basketball court and smiled. "Oh man...i remember when carol tried to teach me how to roller-skate. That ended poorly." he said laughing at himself. "You can teach me someday." Doug took her hand in his to keep it warm. "I know what you mean about wanting to get back to normal...and you will. But for me, please just take it slow." Doug scooped up some of the snow from the bench and flicked a little at her. He wanted them to have a good time and not get into anything right then. There would be plenty of time for that later. "So did the groundhog see his shadow or what? Spring should be here soon."

"Spring will be here soon; how I can I say no, you know I will take it slow, but only because of you." She laughed as she brushed the snow off her, "oh no uh huh I am not teaching you how to roller-skate. What do you think that I am talented or something, I have no clue how to do that myself?" She said as she reached down and picked up a handful of snow grinning as she dropped it down the back of his coat and took off running knowing full well he would retaliate.

Doug shook of the snow and watched her run away. He got up and sprinted after her. She was faster than he thought so he kicked it into the third gear. Just as he was about to grab her arm the cold air filled his chest and he began to cough. He stopped and bent over. "Hey...lets not forget... I'm sick here." he said trying to catch his breath.

She stopped and turned back as she took the few steps to get back to his side, "oh god I'm sorry," She reached out and touched his arm as she kicked the ground. "I shouldn't have done that to you." She had this nervous feeling that getting this close to him right after dumping snow down his shirt wasn't a good idea, but his cough was awful and she had just made him sprint across a playground. "Are you okay?" She said letting her defenses down.

Doug nodded and he bent down further. "Yeah, i will be." he said picking up a glob of snow. "But i don't know about you." he put his arm around her and smeared the snow on her neck. His backwards momentum brought them both back into the snowy grass and he pulled her down on top of him. In an instant he took his cold hands and set them on her stomach inside her shirt. "Mercy is for the weak!"

"Ahhh!" She screamed, "Those are cold." She was on top of him and able to grab snow from the grass as she threw it at him. She rolled off him and continued her snowy assault.

Doug spit out the snow that had hit him in the mouth. He threw his hands up to cover his face and rolled away. He jumped up and threw a ball at her in midair. As it hit her he started to run away again towards the little kid's playground across the field. Doug jumped on the monkey bars and pull himself up to sit onto where he was out of reach. He let his feet dangle down and looked around. There was plenty of snow on the bars to keep her away, for a short time. "Come on! You chicken?" he yelled taunting her. He closed his eyes as he started to cough again. It hurt but he was having too good of a time to let it bother him.

Anna laughed, "you're going to break your neck up there you know that don't you." She said as she threw another snow ball at him. Miserably missing him completely. "I am not a chicken." She threw another too hard as she sat down in the snow. "Truce, truce."

Doug debated if it was a trick or not but decided to get down. He jumped off and held his hands up as he walked over to her. "Alright...truce" he said sitting next to her. Doug rubbed his hands together to get them a little warmer before wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on top of hers. Doug nudged her head up so he could look at her. Her rosy cheeks made her look even more beautiful. "I didn't think it was possible for you to look any better." he said with a wink

She smiled and let out a soft giggle, "You must be delirious with fever," she lowered her voice, "Oh ouch, and I think I popped a staple."

Doug's smile melted off his face and a horrible look of worry replaced it. "Oh damn...god I'm sorry for making you run around. Can you stand up...you want me to call someone?" Doug felt awful. He had been the reason for her getting hurt again

"Hey there super doc relax would ya." She said standing up, the look on his face almost scared her, "I'm not broken, and I'm not going to die. It's not the end of the world." She said looking at him, "Romano was going to take them out tomorrow. I just stretched wrong; it's not the first time." She said trying to ease his mind the best she could, "I'll be fine it just smarts to pull something that is embedded in your skin loose."

Doug dropped his head and laughed at himself. He knew he had over reacted. "Sorry" he popped his knuckles trying to think of something to change the subject. "You hungry for lunch yet?" he asked still looking at the ground. His hands shook a little even thinking about that night in the hospital. He hated looking scared or upset around her but she would never know how it felt for him to take the IV's out of her arm and sign the time of death. Even though she was fine now it was still hard for him to forget something like that. He quickly tried to push the image from his head. "She's here with you now." he told himself. "That's all that matters."

"Lunch sounds good." She said watching his hand shake and his eyes still cast downward. She knelt down in front of him placing her hands on his face, "I'm okay, what happened I can't change and I...I don't know how hard that had to have been on you. But I promise you that I am not going to do anything that is going to jeopardize my health, I love you and I want to be here with you for the rest of my life." She got back up onto her feet. "Come on, my tummy's growling it needs to be fed." How could she have been so stupid? Anna rubbed her eyes as she waited for him to get up.

Doug coughed getting up. That was really starting to bug him. He took her hand and pulled her into a hug. He pulled back and looked at her. He wiped the snow out of her hair and around her face. He wanted to tell her everything he was thinking but gave her a look and a smile that said 'i love you' instead. He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She didn't need to hear it. "Lunch sounds good." he finally said clearing his throat. I was funny how she could read him so well. He knew he would never be able to hide anything from her. As they walked Doug started to hum a song that was stuck in his head as he looked around the snow white park. The scenery was perfect...and so was the woman walking next to him.

She sighed as they walked, "it's so serene here right now. Too bad I am freezing, why can't it be like this at be 80 degrees." She laughed.

Doug smiled. "Because it's Chicago, therefore it can never be a perfect anything. It's either freezing or so hot you want to die." They hit the street and Doug began to look for a restaurant to eat at. "It's usually nice in Kentucky...if you don't mind a little inbreeding and cowboys." Doug said with a grin. "So what do you think? Subs and gyros or something nicer?" Doug asked looking around. There were always places to eat in Chicago but he didn't really care what they had. He didn't feel like eating much anyway. "Or we could just share an ice cream Sunday and go home and have hot chocolate by the fire."

"Ice cream, its freezing out here are you nuts. I feel like a snowman." She said looking at him, "but I like the idea of hot chocolate by the fire. You'll have to take me there sometime. Kentucky sounds nice. I've never been there; I am limited to Chicago, Philly and New York. What can I say I'm a big city girl?"

Carter smiled as he was helped out "Thanks you" He said to her

"Not that I do it very often, but I'll drive us home." She said as she started to lead Carter to the jeep.

"Ahh, well living in Lexington isn't exactly out in the sticks...gee shucks maybe ma will like to meet ya." he joked putting on his best country accent. "Well i guess that limits us to...Ted's Soup and Sandwich Shop." Doug said looking up and reading the sign. "I have to say I've never been here but...it's not crowded so I guess it'll work." Doug opened the door for her. "That is if my snowgirl doesn't melt on me before I get her back home."

Anna laughed, "I won't melt." She walked inside shaking her head, "ahh my county boy and his quaint little places. I'm definitely not going to be taking you to meet my parents."

Doug followed her in and stood in line. "Why's that?" he asked honestly. She had never really talked about her parents. He hadn't really either but there was a good reason for that. "Don't think they'd like me?" he asked poking her side.

"My dad passed away the year after I got married." Anna said as she batted his hand away, "And mom did even make it a year. But I know that they would have liked you." She said looking at the floor, "I'll let you meet my brother's if you can handle all six of them protecting their baby sister"

"Sorry" Doug said kissing her cheek. He laughed when she mentioned her brothers. "Ahhh that ought to be fun." he said putting on a fake smile and rolling his eyes. "I think they'd kill me though." Doug ordered a sandwich for Anna and some soup for himself. He walked her over to a booth and sat down next to her. He scratched his head. "So...speaking of families...ummm do you ever want to have kids?" he asked trying hard to keep a straight face.

She chuckled, "well yeah I do." She said looking at him, "but the question is now to you, do you want more or are the twins about all you can handle?"

All right sounds good to me" he told her

She opened up the jeep door, "good because I wouldn't have it any other way."

Doug rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Well, we'll get to that when we get to it. Right now we can just..." Doug cut off his sentence and grinned. "Sandwiches are up." he said standing up to get them. He sat back down and slid hers over. "I want to know when I am going to see all those nice things you bought this morning." he poked at his soup. His throat hurt too much to swallow anything, even if it was soup.

"You are the king of changing subjects." She said laughing as she picked up the sandwich he had slid in front of her, "I suppose I can show you them when we get back to the house."

"Well it keeps me from blushing." he said setting his head down on the table. His headache had come back and he felt like his fever had. Being outside probably hadn't been a smart choice but it had sure been fun. He closed his eyes and thought of what Anna and his girls would do on the weekend. He knew they would like her but he wasn't sure carol would like the idea very much. At the moment he still cared what she thought of him but knew better then to let her run his life. Doug put his hands on the back of his neck and tried to work out the knot. "Sandwich good?"

"Yeah it is." She said looking at him, "what's troubling you?" She said she could almost see the tension on his face.

"Don't worry about it." Doug said sitting up. He wiped off some mustard that was on her cheek. "Nothing you can fix." Doug sat quietly and waited for her to finish eating. He wanted to go home but didn't feel like saying it. He didn't want Anna to be involved with carol and his problems. She had enough in her own life to be thinking about.

She bit into the sandwich to keep from saying anything at that moment "Let's go." She said as she pushed the last bit into her mouth. "I want to go home and celebrate with you by the fire."

Doug stood up and picked up their trash. He walked out of the restaurant silent and held her hand as they ran across the street. After several minutes of walking he finally spoke up. "Celebrate what?...I'm not complaining, just asking." The snow was starting to fall again as it got later in the day. Doug was glad they got their playing done because the wind was really starting to pick up.

She watched the snowflakes tumbling down as they walked back towards his house. "You know I thought I would be sad or unhappy about it," She looked down at the ground her voice soft, "but I'm not any of those things, I'm not even upset, if anything I'm happier than I have ever been. And I don't know if that makes me a horrible person or not, he didn't contest, he didn't put up a fight, this morning the judge signed the divorce decree. I'm not married anymore. I don't legally belong to anyone."

Doug stopped walking and turned to face her. "No not legally. But you know what?" Doug asked pulling her into a hug. "You belong right here." he whispered into her ear. He looked up and could see his house down the street. All of a sudden hail started to fall on them. Doug squinted at the sky. "Come on!" he said pulling her to run with him down the street.

Anna ran behind him not letting go of his hand as they flew down the street towards his house, "ugh snow, hail, what next lightning, thunder? Can't I have just one uninterrupted somewhat romantic moment in my life?"

"Guess not!" Doug said as he jogged with her. Thinking on what she said he stopped and turned around in the middle of the street. "But you know what?" he said with a beaming smile. "That's life. And i couldn't think of a better way to have it." Doug pulled off his jacket and held it above their heads to catch the ice. "But we're safe now." he said looking around to make sure no cars were around to ruin his moment. "So let's get back to that moment." he said leaning forward to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she leaned against him, she couldn't believe that she was standing in the middle of the street, in the middle of a hailstorm kissing him. She pulled back away from him for a minute looking into his eyes, "this is where I want to be, legally or not, my heart belong to you."

"That's good to know...after all. I did run through the O'Hare for you." he said laughing. "Let's go inside before we get hit by a car!" he said as he started to jog towards the house again. Doug opened the door and let Anna inside before shaking the ice off his jacket. "I can't believe that." he said looking out the door. "What a mess." They were both now cold and wet, just what he didn't want to be when he was sick but he had, had way to much fun just then to care much. "So much for our fun day." Doug said shutting the door.

She shivered, "I haven't had that much fun in ages." She said looking over at him as cold the cold started to seep thru her wet clothes, she reached out to touch his arm, "I don't think that it has to end because we are home." She turned away from him as she sneezed.

Doug smiled. "Oh come on...we both can't be sick! You have to be the strong one!" He said smiling at her. "Why don't you go get changed. I'll make some hot chocolate and start a fire. The heater sucks in the house so fire will be the only heat source for about..."Doug glanced at the thermostat. "A half an hour." Doug started to cough as he walked over to the kitchen. "Go on...get warm."

Anna walked towards the bedroom bending over to pick up one of the bags from her shopping trip on the way. She peeled herself out of her wet clothes, as she slipped into something soft and then put her oversized sweatshirt on over it. She slipped into her bunny slippers and the padded out and slipped under the quilt on the couch before propping her feet up on the coffee table to wait for Doug.

Doug laughed at her when he saw her slippers. "You're kidding right?" he handed her a mug and went out grab some wood. He walked over in front of the couch and bent over by the fireplace. He threw the wood in and rubbed his hands together to get some feeling back before trying to use the lighter. After a few minutes he finally got it. "Damn, i was starting to think you'd have to do It." he said standing back up. Doug shivered as he felt his wet shirt cling to him. "I'll be right back" he said as he walked into the other room to change. He came back in him pajama pants and a white undershirt. "You go to share that blanket or am i going to have to wrestle you for that too?"

"No I am going to share." She said smiling as she lifted the blanket up. She giggled as the sweatshirt she was wearing moved up a little higher than she intended with the blanket, "you said you wanted to see what I bought today. Well I got something special just for you."

"Did ya?" he joked sitting next to her. "What could be better than this?" he asked putting his arm around the back of the couch and grabbing the stereo remote. He turned on the radio on low as Jason Mraz belted out 'You and I both' "I'm kinda curious"

Anna slipped out from under the blanket smiling, "you know this is one of my favorite songs." She said as she started to sway her hips to the soft music, she moved in front of him, "you see," she teased as she pulled at the bottom of the sweatshirt moving it slowly up, "sometime soft, lots of lace," she pulled the sweatshirt all the way over her head, "and well my feet were cold hence my bunny slippers," she stood there in front of him for a minute before diving onto his lap under the blanket.

"Always good." he said pulling her back on the couch as he lay backwards. He leaned up and kissed her in the firelight. He stopped to look at her face. "You know you could get the flu this way." he joked with her.

"I don't care." She said smiling as she pushed her hair back away from her face. She locked her eyes with his, "are you going to be my doctor or my lover tonight?"

Doug smiled. "Definitely the latter." he said as he set his hands on her stomach. He could feel the incision by her heart. 'It's not your fault' he told himself. Doug blocked the memory from his head as he kissed her again. Right now she was ok, and she was his.

Anna melted into him. This was what she wanted, to be his and no one else's. To spend the rest of her days doing nothing but making him happy, to love him for who he was. She closed her eyes and let everything but his touch escape her mind.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

Doug held Anna in his arms, she made him happy. He breathed in and looked down at his legs. His bare feet were hanging off the end of the couch. "Good thing you're warm or I'd be freezing." he said as he brushed her hair to the side of his chest. She had been pretty quiet so he tilted his head to look at her and make sure she hadn't fallen asleep on him. "Everything ok?" he asked as he kissed her head.

She debated what to say. She was happy and content lying there now. She could feel his chest rise and fall as she was listening to his steady heartbeat under her ear. But his reaction to her in the park was eating at her. There was something that he wasn't telling her and she didn't want to push, but she didn't want him blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault. "I'm fine," she finally said softly not moving from her spot nestled against him, "you blame yourself don't you." She asked her voice no louder than a whisper.

Doug set his head back down. It would be so easy to lie and keep the night perfect. But something about being this close to her wouldn't let him. He breathed in deep again and ran his fingertips down her arm. "Yes I do." He finally said. It wasn't much but it was the truth. Had it been so obvious just then? Then again, she could read him better than anyone he had ever met. Doug drew some circles on her back thinking of something to say. "I'm sorry." He said as he wrapped his arms back around her. He closed his eyes to keep from tearing up. It was his job to protect her now, and it was then. But he had let her down once and he wouldn't...couldn't let it happen again.

She heard his words and felt his arms go back around her. She rubbed her head against his chest. "You did what you could," she said softly, "I wasn't honest with you, and I tried to cover up what had really happened. I wanted so badly to move on with life, pretend that everything was okay, that way it would be okay. I thought that I could handle it; I had taken worse and walked away. I never thought that it would turn out the way that it did. I should be the one who is sorry. I can't undo what happened; I wish that I could undo the pain that I have caused you. We have a second chance to try this again, and I plan on making you a very happy man, if you can overlook the fact that I can't cook, I'm a slob, and a workaholic, and that I obviously don't know when to shut up and just let things go."

Doug smiled. "Hey I'm the one who should let things go. I just get worried sometimes...I don't want to feel that alone again." Doug tilted her chin up to look at him. He wanted to make sure she heard him. "And i don't want to loose you." He could tell her that he loved her a thousand times and still feel like she needed to hear it again. Something inside him made him feel like he needed to make up for lost time...or the time they got back. "We might have to work on the cooking though." he said with a smile. "One of the two of us has to learn. As for being a slob and a workaholic, you'll fit right in. but when it comes to letting things go...I'm glad you ask. We need to talk. Lack of communication is a big reason that my last relationship failed and i don't want that to happen here. It's just going to take me some time to get back to normal. The better you get the better i will feel ok?"

"I don't want to loose you either." She said, snuggling against his chest. "Oh shoot!" she said flying off the couch, "oh damn it I knew I would forget. Where's my phone? I set it on vibrate instead of ring, I have to find it." As she pulled her sweatshirt back over her head to keep the chill off.

Doug grabbed his pj pants and slipped them on. He stood up and looked around to help her. "What's going on? You expecting a call?" he asked looking under some papers. Doug walked around the couch and to her jacket. He stuck his hand in the pocket and pulled out her phone. "Hey" he said holding it up. "Over here."

"One of my brother's is overseas right now. He's supposed to call today." She said as she took the phone from him, "thank you." She flipped it open and hit send, "hey Dan, did I miss him...yeah..." She sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to her. "Yeah I miss you too. No I'm not in any kind of trouble."

Doug sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. 'It must be nice for her to have such a big family' he thought. That was one of the things that he regretted was not having anyone to be close with. He leaned back into the couch and gently rubbed her back as he waited for her to talk to her brother.

"Yeah soon I promise... No I mean it this time, yeah he'll take good care of me till you get back...leave it to you to ask me that...Justin get a wife...Just stay as safe as you can...I love you too." Anna said as she closed the phone and leaned back against Doug. "Justin expects to meet you when he gets back stateside, and he expects you to take care of his baby sister."

Doug laughed. "Great, now I have military personnel on my case. I'm just kidding id love to meet some of your family." Doug pulled her closer to him and put her arm around his neck. "I'll take great care of his baby sister." he said kissing her neck.

"He's the one you should be least afraid of. Justin maybe in the army, but he knows he's baby sister could whoop him. He's a medic so nothing to big and bad." She said smiled feeling his kisses on her neck. "You really don't have to worry about them; they are all just big teddy bears. I love my family all 6 of them, but it's you I love most of all. You won't try to sell me to the gypsies."

"Gypsies?" he asked sitting up. "To tell ya the truth i don't know how much i could really get for you." he joked. Doug put his arms over his head and stretched his back. "I'm glad your brother won't tear me apart. Meeting people's mothers is stressful enough, not to mention military brothers." he looked at his watch. It was almost seven. "I'm almost feeling a little better. What are you in the mood for dinner?"

Anna laughed, "I don't know what you could get for me now, but they were going to get 500 for me, till my father rescued me. As for dinner I don't know, anything is fine with me." She chuckled, "oh man I remember when I first came to County and Carter had been just recently cut off from his family, I was neck deep in student loans and he ordered Chinese. I had been living off Pb and j. I could barely pay the rent of my crappy apartment and he's ordering 30 bucks worth of food for us for lunch at the hospital I so wanted to strangle him."

"You're serious about the gypsies?" Doug asked. "Wow." Doug laughed when Anna mentioned carter's money. "Yeah i can't believe how rich he is. I'm still paying off loans. I took a lot out to cover my medical school. My mom and i both thought that we were going to get something when my father died but the SOB just left me with his old car and room rent." Doug thought back to that week. "Mark and i had a good time in California though." Doug patted her leg as he stood up. "How about i make us the Doug special?" he said walking over to the kitchen.

"That sounds great Doug. When dad died, Dan was the executor of the estate and well, they decided my student loans needed to be paid off first and foremost." She said as she followed him standing in the entry to the kitchen. "And seriously they tried to sell me." Anna shook her head, "it wasn't until I was older that they all realized that having a little sister was pretty cool. That and well babysitting was another way for them to pick up girls."

Doug just shook his head. "That's crazy." He opened the fridge and took out a box of eggs and some milk. He heated up a pan and grabbed some bread. After getting everything ready Doug tried to show off and spun the egg on his finger before cracking it. A few minutes later everything was ready. Doug placed the food on a plate and handed it to Anna. "Kentucky French toast baby. It may not be much but it's all i can make." he said holding his hands up. Doug grabbed his plate and sat down at the table. "One of these days we'll go out to a nice dinner. I'll put on a suit, we'll have some wine, and it'll be good." he said taking a bite. "So did your brothers go to a catholic school too?"

She took a bite and swallowed before saying anything, "they didn't have to endure that. Dan's a civil engineer, Mike is a sports writer, Steven works as a stockbroker, Joey is a lawyer, Justin is a medic and Nathan is into extreme sports, Mountain dew sponsors his snowboarding team."

"And you somehow managed to get through all that without becoming some kind of sports girl? You are something." he said getting up to grab some water. "Hey i don't care as long as you don't drag me to Sunday mass. I can't stand to go anymore."

Anna shook her head, "the last time I stepped inside a catholic church was for dad's funeral. My family is Catholic but not I. I gave up my faith a long time ago. It hasn't ever seemed to do anything for me. I can watch sports and I'm more than happy being center court at a bulls or phillies game, but that's it. "She smiled, "what you don't think that Mike doesn't take care of me front and center. Be nice and I might take ya with me. Be extra nice and Mike might take ya to the locker room with him."

"Hey you could come in handy!" Doug said sitting back down. "I know what you mean about not being to church. My mother was a stronger catholic...and I was too up to my senior year in high school." Doug rolled his eyes thinking on it. "I use to pray fro three things every night. One was to keep my mother safe, one was to keep me healthy...mostly for basketball, and the other was for my dad to come back. I never had all three and rarely had two so by the time i left my house it all seemed pretty stupid." Doug put away his plate and walked over to his CD player. "Man i need a new one of these. I think I've only ever had this one and four CD's max." he leaned against the back of the couch. "What kinda music you listen to?" Doug had been listening closely to her likes and dislikes the past few days. He was searching for a good gift to get her soon but hadn't come up with anything good yet.

She put her hand on his leg. "I know what you mean there. Not that I ever really prayed for anything in particular. I wanted to believe in something but what I tried to, never seemed to work out right. I listen to Matchbox 20, 3 doors down, Pink, Bryan Addams, that kind of stuff. You know you can always use my Ipod. But the music that is in there might shock you." She laughed.

Matchbox 20 shocking? I kinda doubt it. The only thing that would shock me was if you had Marylyn Manson or something. Besides you'd laugh at some of the stuff i listen to...maybe it's because I'm so old!" Doug teased. Doug knew he was a few years older than her; either that or she had one young face. "You're carter's age right?" Doug still hadn't decided on what to get her. "So are you a gold or silver girl?"

"I wish I was. No I am older than Carter. I'm 37," She said cringing at her age. "I'll pull the gothic music off there before you shock yourself." She laughed, "You might be able to handle the within temptation that is on there. Oh wow gold or silver huh...I'd have to say a gold girl."

"What's that face for?" he said poking her. "37...come on now, that's not old. I'm keeping my birthday a secret from you for sure now, damn!" Doug glanced at her skin complexion. She was tan enough that gold would look really good on her. Doug tried to cover his cough again but couldn't hold it in. "mmm i have so many things to do but i just want to sit here with you..." he said holding her hand."I liked the research stuff you found. Might have to take you up on It." he yawned and stood up. "You can do..."he looked around the house. Whatever you can find to do. I'm going to get some reading done and see if i can get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Yeah thanks. I did a lot of that when I was working in Philly." She said smiling, "go read, I have emails that I need to answer anyways." She said as she took her plate over to the kitchen sink. "I'm going to go and stretch out the bed, hopefully the blasted laptop won't eat me alive again." She said as she walked from the kitchen grabbing her machine. "Don't stay up to late baby."

"Yeah" Doug sat grabbing a pile of books and folders and sitting down at the kitchen table. He held a highlighter between his teeth while he wrote down points that applied to the research. He had to have this turned in soon and he always seemed to slack off until the last minute. He watched Anna go into the bedroom and just shook his head. If one thing could be said about them it was that they could relate to each other. Everyday it seemed like he learned something new from her that was like him.

Anna stretched out on the bed. She flipped on her machine and started to read the emails that she had pulled off the net earlier today. So far no bad news and that made her happy just a lot of updates from her many families, pictures, new babies. She felt her eyes getting heavy. She laid her head down on the pillow and closed her laptop setting it next to the bed. She knew he would be in soon, but until then when a doctor was in the middle of research you left the alone.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61:**

Doug glanced at the clock. A mistake he knew he shouldn't make. It was just past midnight and now he really wanted to go to sleep more than ever. Doug finished marking his pages and turned off the lights and locked the doors in the house. He downed some flu medicine and walked in and pulled up the blanket to cover Anna up. He clicked his alarm over and lay down. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. Doug grabbed it quickly so Anna might not wake up. "Hello?" he whispered into the phone. He looked at the clock. He had been asleep for almost two hours. He rubbed his eyes and sat up as he waited for an answer. 'This better be important' he thought. "What?" Doug asked a little louder than he meant to. He scooted to the edge of the bed and took a breath trying to take in all the information. "Yes...Douglass Ross. When...She..." Doug bit his lip as reality sunk in. "Yes thank you...no I'll take care of it...yeah." Doug hung up the phone quietly and stood up to walk out of the room. He felt totally numb. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka and a glass. Loss was one thing he never handled well.

She had heard the phone ring, but didn't think any of it until she felt him get up off the bed. She laid there for a few minutes thinking that maybe it was just a wrong number and that he didn't want to wake her up. But when he didn't come back she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and walked out to the living room and saw him standing in the kitchen as she moved closer she could see that he was upset. She moved up behind him and put her hand on his arm, "baby what's wrong." She looked at the clock, "its 2:30, what happened?"

Doug pulled his arm away from her touch and picked up the glass of vodka. He slammed it back and filled the glass again. "Nothing...I'm fine." he said coldly as he moved away from her.

She jumped, and backed away. "I heard the phone ring, you're out here downing vodka like it was water don't you tell me that you're fine. I can see that you're not." 'Don't pick a fight with him Anna. Walk away, walk away.' went thru her head but yet she couldn't make her feet move.

Doug turned and shot her a look. "Well what the fck do you care?" he said as he grabbed the bottle and walked to the door. He jammed his feet into his boots and, after messing with the door key, swung open the door and walked outside. He slammed it closed behind him. He didn't even feel the cold despite he was outside without anything more than an undershirt and flannel pants on. He walked down the steps but didn't get much further. He sat down and dropped his head. He didn't mean to yell at Anna but he couldn't even think about that now. That was the last of his worries. He took a swig out of the bottle and looked up at the snow. "God damn it!" he yelled throwing the glass bottle into the street. He smashed into a million pieces as it hit the concrete.

She threw her shoes on, grabbing her coat and picking up the keys incase the door locked behind her. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she pulled open the door to go after him, 'what the hell are you doing Anna' she said to herself,' the last time you did this you found your ass in the ER' She stopped just outside the door where he was sitting now at the bottom of the steps, "what do you mean what the fck do I care. Damn it Doug, I love you that's why I care." She kept her distance not wanted to get hurt because he wasn't himself. "I'm here for you no matter what it is that's happened, and when you want some other kind of comfort besides that damn bottle you let me know." She turned on her heels and it was her turn to slam the door. She threw her coat back on the couch and walked into the bedroom. Her heart broke for him whatever that phone call was about it wasn't good. But she wasn't going to put herself on the line for someone who didn't want her too.

Doug could hear her behind him but didn't turn to look. He didn't care that she was upset. He couldn't right now. As much as he wanted to he couldn't make himself get up and go inside. All he felt was anger and no one should have to deal with that but him. After twenty minutes past Doug's body started to shiver with him even noticing it now. Although he was so upset he didn't feel cold he knew he shouldn't be outside. He stood up and walked into the street. He went to pick up the glass shards from the bottle. While his hand was shaking he accidentally grabbed a piece too hard and it sliced the middle of his hand open, from his thumb to his little finger. "Ahhh..." Doug clenched his other hand to keep from yelling. After throwing the glass in the outside trashcan he looked at the door. He could feel the pulse in his hand thump like the one in his head. He had been outside thirty minutes too long. Quietly he opened the door. He didn't imagine that Anna had gone back to sleep but just in case she didn't want to see him he wanted to be quiet. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a towel so he wouldn't bleed all over his house. He held it tightly over the sink to stop the blood and took deep breaths to help himself calm down. He didn't want to cry...not in front of her, ever again.

She lay on the bed for a few minutes before she got up and started to pace back and forth in the bedroom. It hurt that he wasn't letting her in that he seemed to want to push her away from whatever it was that was eating at him. She sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed her legs and she started to breathe, in and out over and over again, letting it all go, she shouldn't have gotten upset with him and she knew it. She hadn't that right, after all weren't they just lovers each on the rebound, nothing serious, no commitment, just two people enjoying each other's company. Her mind wandered back to the two of them on the couch, talking in the kitchen...distance; if she could just distance herself the fall wouldn't be as hard when the other shoe dropped. Where was all this self doubt coming from, that she didn't have an answer for?

The house seemed quiet; she uncrossed her legs pulling herself from her safe meditation spot. She walked back out to the kitchen. He was standing there by the sink. Maybe this wasn't the best of ideas but she was calmer, not upset, worried but she knew it was best to let him deal with whatever it was on his terms. She'd keep her distance at least until she was sure that he was going to lash out at her. "I'll just be a minute." She said reaching for the cupboard as she grabbed a coffee cup. She wasn't even sure if he was aware that she was there. She could see the pain and anger there in his face. "I just wanted some warm milk." She pulled it from the fridge, filled the coffee cup and silently walked over to the microwave to heat it up. She looked over at him holding his hand, the bloody towel wrapped around it. Taking in a deep breath she went and grabbed her first aid kit, he didn't need her right now; she wasn't going to push or pry to get him to open up. She'd let him work thru this on his own, knowing in her heart that he would let her in when he was ready. She would be there waiting when that time came, if not she would deal with that later. She tossed the first aid kit on the counter next to him; she started to walk away but leaned against the kitchen doorframe, "just know that I am here for you when you need me." She lingered there waiting to see if he was going to say anything, to see if he would even acknowledge that she was in his presence. If not she was ready to keep right on walking.

Carter smiled as he got into the passenger side. "So do you have the day off/ or are you on?" he asked her as he was looking out to the road.

Abby slowly pulled out. "Na, I'm off today." She said, "Weaver has actually been being nice to everyone lately. Now isn't that a shocker."

Weavers nice when she wants to be" John said to her. "She's a nice person, i was roommates with her once" he told her

"Yeah I suppose we can all be nice when we want to be." She said as she navigated them down the streets of Chicago.

Doug saw Anna walk past him. He didn't hear what she said at first but he could tell she was worried. He heard her say she was there for him and stop. 'Come on Doug say something' he told himself. He looked up and snapped out of his semi daze. It was long enough to feel the pain in his hand. "I think I have some glass in my hand." he said, his face emotionless. "Can you help me?" It wasn't much but it was hard for him. He had totally shut down to keep from feeling anything. Something inside him said that if he didn't say it out loud that it wasn't true. But he knew he couldn't do that. 'Baby steps' he told himself as he slowly brought his eyes up to lock with Anna's.

"Yeah." She said as she turned back and walked toward him. She took his hand into hers as she gently pulled the towel away from it. With her other hand she flipped open the first aide kit and grabbed a piece of gauze. "Can you move your fingers?" She asked him as she looked over the cut on his hand. It wasn't overly deep but it was long.

Doug moved his fingers for her. It was still pretty hard to talk for him and he didn't want to say anything to get them into a fight. His hand shook a little from everything that happened and he sighed in an attempt to calm down. He knew Anna wanted to know what was going on. He took a deep breath as he watched her work on his hand. "That phone call was from the Lexington morgue." he said clenching his teeth together. It took him a few minutes to say the next part. "My mom died yesterday." he said flatly, keeping his eyes glued on his hand. He couldn't look anywhere else for fear he would break down. He could already feel the tightness in his throat choking him.

Anna kept her eyes on cleaning his hand. "I'm sorry baby." She said this had to be hard for him. She remembered getting the phone call about her dad. "If there's anything I can do just tell me."

Hearing himself say that hurt. He still felt like Anna was mad at him but he couldn't deal with that at the moment. She'd have to understand. "I need to go to Kentucky to take care of the funeral and move some things out of her house. If Romano says its ok it'd be nice if you looked over peds while i was gone." he said pulling his hand away before she finished. "Its fine." he said turning away from her. He didn't want to be alone as much as he wanted her to believe. He opened the fridge to search for some kind of drink. He wanted to feel as numb as he did before.

"I understand Doug, are you sure you don't want me to go with you. You don't have to do this alone." She said to him. "I know this is hard." She walked past him into the living room, retrieving a bottle from her bag, and walking back to the kitchen. She sat the bottle down, she reached up and grabbed two glasses and poured from the bottle, "You know granted this isn't something that I do a lot but I did this the day my dad died." She handed him the glass, "to your mom, may her memory be with us always."

Doug looked at her, not quite sure how his body was going to react. He wanted to keep it together. He took the glass from her and looked at it a second before slamming it back. He wanted to say something but didn't think he could. After a second he realized Anna had offered to go with him. "No you should stay. You have a life to live too."

"Okay." She wasn't going to argue with him, "I'm sure you want to leave as soon as you can. I'll get you a flight for Lexington, the first one out if I can." She didn't want him to go alone, but there wasn't anything she could do about it right now, "I'll hold things down here, you go deal with what you need to, just call a few times would ya so I know you're okay. And leave me the address of where you are at so that in case there's an emergency I can find you."

Doug nodded. He was glad he wasn't all alone. "Thanks Anna." he whispered out. Doug took her hand and looked at her eyes. In an instant a twinge of pain surged through him. This had hit him hard. He gently pulled on her hand to get her to step closer to him. He didn't want to leave with animosity between them.

She put her hand up around his neck and hugged him close to her, "don't mention it baby. What else are girlfriends for?" She wasn't about to tell him that she wasn't going to let him do this alone. She'd let him think that. She'd put him on the plane in the morning and be down there the day after. He wasn't going to do thru this alone now that he had her. She was going to be with him thru the good and the bad.

Doug hugged her back. After a second he pulled back and looked at the clock. It was after four now. "I need to go pack." he said letting go of her hand. Doug walked into his bedroom and grabbed his flight bag. He searched for a second until he found a black suit he could wear to the funeral. He would get there on Friday and the funeral would be Saturday. He planned on staying at least until Tuesday to take care of things. He stuff jeans and shirts into his bag and sat down. He pulled his wallet off the counter and went to give his credit card to Anna so she could get him a ticket. "Here ya go" he said holding it out to her.

"It's taken care of." She said smiling. "Are you packed? We have to get a move on it. I got you on the first flight out. But it leaves at 5:45." She said walking over to the couch and pulling on her pants. "I'll take care of things at the hospital for you, don't have to worry there. Call me when things settle down so I don't worry about you." She said as she kissed his check, "I love you." She quickly found her coat and her keys.

Doug smiled as he threw on some workout pants and a long sleeved shirt. He grabbed his bag and was out the door with her. He stayed silent in the car all the way to the airport. He was glad the hospital was one less thing he would have to worry about. It seemed like forever until the car stopped at the drop off gate. Doug jumped out of the car and pulled his bag from the trunk. He walked over to the driver's side where Anna was. He hated goodbyes, even if it was just for a little while. He stuck his head inside the car window and pulled her into a kiss. "I love you Anna." he said pulling his baseball hat out of his back pocket and putting it on. He smacked the car and took off at a jog for the airport terminal to check in and get on the plane.

"I love you too." She said as she watched him run for the gate. She threw the car into gear and pulled away. There was a lot that she needed to get done. And her first stop was going to be the hospital.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62:**

Anna drove back to the house and changed her clothes. She couldn't go in there in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans. She threw on a skirt and top before sliding back into her shoes. She picked up Doug's shirt holding it close to her a minute before laying it back down on the bed. She walked out to the living room and grabbed her purse and lab coat before heading out to his jeep. She drove to County. As she looked up at the clock, well it was early, she went and found Kerry who was on at 5 and explained what had happened and that Doug needed a leave of absence. She headed into the lounge shoving her cell phone into her lab coat pocket just in case Doug called her. She had a cup of coffee and then headed upstairs to see Romano. Kat said that he was in his office. So she walked over and knocked on his door.

"Hey come in," Robert said seeing her face.

"Hi I really need to talk to you." She said sitting down.

"What's up?" Robert asked.

"Look I need cleared to work some shifts down in the Peds ER; you think you can work that for me." Anna asked.

"Yeah anything for you beauty." Robert said, "you feeling up to it."

"Yeah I think so." She said back. "I just need to help out for a few days no big deal."

"How about grabbing dinner with me tonight?"

"That's not a good idea Robert." Anna said standing up heading for the elevator. He followed her, which wasn't what she wanted at all. Now Anna found herself on the way down to the ER trapped in an elevator with Robert.

"Why I think you and I would be fine having dinner tonight." he said to her.

"Look Robert I appreciate everything you've done." She stepped out into the ER, "but I can't I'm dating Doug right now."

"What oh come on you can do so much better than that ER cowboy want to be."

Anna bit her tongue. "Now is not the time for this Robert." She said backing slowly away from him.

"Well it's the truth." He said, "That boy is nothing but trouble and well, honestly I don't see how you could stand to be in his company."

"You little sob." She said. She was starting to lose her temper. It had been a short night and she wasn't in the mood. "Watch it Robert I am warning you."

"Well does the doctor from the dead have a soft spot for bad boys?" He said, "looks like you need to go in front of the competency review board before I can allow someone with such a severe head trauma to go back to work."

"Ohh." She lost it. Anna turned and her fist connected squarely with Romano's jaw. She turned to see Kerry standing there. Oh god she could kiss her job goodbye now.

"Dr. Del Amico, you are not to work in this ER. You will not be picking up shifts and you should be thankful that I don't fire your ass right here and now. 2 weeks you are suspended for 2 weeks." Robert shouted at her rubbing his jaw, "you have picked up too many bad habits from Ross."

"Bite me Robert." Anna said as she walked off toward the lounge. Oh god she hadn't even been in the hospital an hour and was now suspended. She flipped open her phone and placed a few calls. She couldn't leave Kerry short handed and she didn't want to leave the peds ER with out a pediatrician. She called in a few favors to get a couple of docs to agree to help her out. Not that they were thrilled with the prospect of having to work with Dr. Romano, but it would work. She put the phone back in her pocket and ran her hands thru her hair. Well she had the free time to go to Lexington now with no strings attached. She got up off the couch and headed back out of the hospital. She was thankful that Robert didn't flat out fire her. But she had to laugh he so had that coming. She started the jeep and drove to her apartment where checked her mail before heading back to Doug's house. It seemed so empty with out him there. She called the airlines and got a flight out the following morning.

She threw some jeans and tees in a bag, her black business suit so that she would have something for the funeral if she got there in time. Before she crashed on the bed to get some sleep, she made sure her phone would ring and that it was near her head, it wasn't easy for her to get to sleep; it wasn't the same with out him there. After a few minutes of tossing and turning she took a couple of percocets to help her get to sleep, she wasn't in pain from her injuries, but they would help her relax enough to get to sleep. She wrapped her arms around his tee and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain what happened when she got the chance to talk to him but she knew that she would come up with something.

Doug sat by himself on the plane. He was surprised Anna had gotten him a first class ticket. He pulled his UK hat down low on his head so that the flight attendants wouldn't bother him. After the plane landed he rented a car and drove to a motel. His mom's house was a good two hour drive from the airport and he needed some sleep. Doug checked into a grungy room and flopped down on the bed. It was still pretty early but he promised Anna he would call.

Doug grabbed his cell and hit her number. After a few rings her voicemail kicked in. Doug was glad that it did. He could talk to a machine better than he could to her. "Hey...just wanted to let you know that I made it in ok. I hope you're getting some sleep...I just want to thank you again and tell you that I'm sorry for yelling at you last night..." Doug laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes. "I love you...now and forever." he said as he hung up the phone. Doug set his alarm for eleven and closed his eyes, in a second he fell asleep.

Anna stretched out on the bed. The sleep had felt good but her stomach was growling now. She sat up; the light on her phone was blinking. She flipped it open and hit the voicemail button. She listened to his voice. "I love you too baby." she said as she closed her phone. He had sounded so exhausted. She walked out to the kitchen nothing looked good so she slipped her shoes back on and padded down the street to find something.

She walked into the bar that was a couple of blocks down. Got herself a burger, fries and a beer. She watched the ball game that they had on for a little while. She didn't realize just how much she missed him. She walked slowly home taking her time as she strolled thru the park where they had been so carefree just yesterday. It seemed almost like a world away now. She sat down on the bench in the park and opened her phone. God she didn't know if she should call him or not. She put the phone to her chest and closed her eyes feeling the cold wind start to blow around her. What was she doing just sitting here, there was nothing keeping her here now. She got up holding her phone still close to her and headed back to the house. Kentucky was calling her.

She'd get in tonight and stay at a hotel at the airport and then drive out to his mom's in the morning. She walked inside and gave everything the once over. Checking to make sure that everything was turned off before she drove to the airport. She parked in the parking garage just to be sure that his jeep would be safe. She didn't need anything happening to that before she got back. She walked inside Midway. It was busy but she managed to get up to the ticket counter, all that was left was first class. Oh well, she thought I needed a vacation anyway. She got thru security with out any problems and sat in the bar waiting for her flight to be called. She had to turn her phone off when she boarded the plane, but it was a fairly short flight. She kicked back and relaxed, she didn't know if he would be happy to see her or what to strangle her on sight. As she walked out of the terminal in Lexington she tried to read the scribbles that he had written on the paper of where he'd be staying. "Oh god this is going to be harder than I thought it would be." She walked over to the rental counter, got a car, and asked them for directions. She shook her head as she pulled her hair back thru the back of one of her brother's mountain dew caps and threw on her sunglasses. She was in for an adventure.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63:**

Doug's alarm woke him. He slowly sat up and looked outside. It was a beautiful sunny day; days were usually like that in Lexington. He looked at his phone; it didn't have any messages on it. "Maybe Anna's busy in the ER" he thought. He turned it off to save the battery and headed for the shower. After a shower and a shave he felt a little better. He threw on some jeans, a black tee-shirt and his boots and headed out to his mom's house. The stay at the motel hadn't been expensive, a luxury of staying in a crappy place. After stopping for gas and some lunch Doug finally made it into town. He parked his car outside the funeral home and walked in to fill out some papers. By the time that was done it was early evening and Doug wanted to do something else.

He hopped in his car and headed to his old high school. It was a Friday and they always had a basketball game going on. He bought a ticket and walked through the halls before going into the gym. His team's picture was still in the trophy box at the front of the school '4 time state champions' said the caption under their picture. His jersey hung with the other captains down the hall. "Number 20" Doug said walking past it. It was crazy how things were still the same. He walked into the gym and tried to find a seat. It was packed, games here were always packed. Doug squeezed between a few people and sat down to watch the game and get his mind off of life.

Anna stopped for gas. It was starting to get dark and she was kicking herself. She was a stupid woman. After filling up the car she pulled out onto the road again. She opened up her phone and hit send..."come on Doug pick up." She said to herself..."great I am lost in Kentucky. Oh man please pick up the phone don't kick me over to voice mail" She threw her sunglasses onto the seat next to her.

Doug couldn't hear his phone ring in the crowded gym. His team was up 58-45 and he was having a great time. Nothing like a basketball game to get his mind of things. Doug yelled with the rest of the crowd when the ref made a bad call. He glanced at his watch. It was almost eight and the service started at ten tomorrow. It would be in his mom's catholic church. He had promised himself he would never go back there but he was stuck on this one. Even though he didn't have a real family left his moms friends from church were going to give a service at the house afterwards. 'Thank god for small favors' he told himself. He knew southern women. They would be cooking and cleaning and he wouldn't have to do much. Just screw on a smile and make small talk for the day. He rubbed his face. He was still tired and hungry. After the next quarter he decided he would leave if the team was up by enough.

"Ahh," she screamed as she heard his voice mail pick up. "Doug its Anna," She sighed as she pulled into a parking lot of a large church, "this was not one of my better ideas I can tell you that right now. Please call me when you get this. I am so lost right now it's not funny. I just pulled into a church parking lot." She said as she hung up the phone and turned off the car. She got up and walked inside, thank god churches were for the most part open. She walked up to the front got on her knees and for the first time in her life asked god for something specific, special and important. She closed her eyes, "you know I have never asked you for much, but please watch over him now. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him, I'd be lost with out him. You brought me back, and he's the one love of my life."

Doug got up after the third quarter. His team had pulled ahead and was winning 81-53. He walked outside in the cool air. Kentucky was so much nicer than Chicago in March. His phone beeped and he pulled it off his belt to look at it. He had several missed messages. As he opened it to listen to them the low battery signal came on as his phone turned off. 'Ahh damn." he said "Have to charge it later." he was sure that nothing was too important though. He got in his car to grab something to eat and find another motel. As he drove past the church he could have sworn he was his jeep in the parking lot. "I'm going crazy" he said to himself. He swung by a burger joint and drove outside of town until he found a motel. Once he was there he called his house hoping Anna would pick up. He didn't know her cell phone number by memory and couldn't get it until his phone charged. He got the machine at his house. "Hey Anna. I guess you're working hard. I just wanted to tell you that I'm in a motel outside of town. The service is tomorrow and I will try you again tomorrow night. Hey the weather is a lot better here...I wish you were here. I guess I'll see you in a few days. I hope you have a goodnight." Doug hung up the phone and unwrapped his food. He was glad he left her with the peds ER. He was afraid if he didn't she would do something crazy like try and follow him here.

Carter laughed as he watched her drive through Chicago. "She's not all that bad as people think she is to be" He admitted to her.

"Okay I'll give you that one." Abby said as she pulled up in front of his house. "Here ya go, home sweet home."

"All right' He said to her as they were there. "Glad to be home."

"Come on let's get you inside." She said as she turned off the car. "I really want to take that shower."

"Ok" he said as he followed her inside the place. "A shower sounds nice, but nope no shower for me right now.

"Come on let's get you inside." She said as she turned off the car. "I really want to take that shower."

"Ok" he said as he followed her inside the place. "A shower sounds nice, but nope no shower for me right now."

Anna walked out of the church...this was not her night. She was getting tired so she got back into her car and pulled into the first motel she found. She missed him more than she wanted to admit to anyone. She got the key for her room and walked back to her car. As she leaned against her car. She blinked a couple of time before she kicked it. "God damn it. You hate me don't you?" She looked up at the sky it was such a pleasant night, "why, what did I do to deserve to be lost in a strange state in a strange city and not be able to reach him. Okay Anna pull yourself together you are talking to absolutely no one." Why had she decided to do this? Doug had told her to stay in Chicago. Because she loved him that's why she had gotten on that plane, rented a car, and swear she had driven all over Kentucky. She opened the back of the jeep that she had been driving. It was the only thing that they had left at the rental place. She slammed the back of it closed and leaned back. She didn't think that she could be any more stupid than deciding to do this.

Doug had just finished his food when he heard some woman screaming outside in the parking lot. He looked outside his window to make sure she wasn't getting mugged or anything but the lighting wasn't very good and he couldn't see much. 'Don't get yourself shot' he told himself. After a few seconds he opened his door and stepped outside. He could see someone standing by a jeep but couldn't make out who it was; just that it was a woman. "Hey Ma'm." he said putting his hands in the air to show her he wasn't going to hurt her. He didn't know what had just happened but he knew how people in Kentucky liked to carry guns so he was going to be careful. "Is everything ok? I heard you yell."

She saw a figure with his hands up in the air the voice was familiar, but it was too dark and she was tired, "Thanks for the concern but I'm fine." She said moving from the back of the jeep. She threw her bag over her shoulder and took a couple of steps forward, "I'm just tired, lost and frustrated. Nothing that some sleep and daylight won't fix." As she got closer, she could see better..."Doug, oh thank god I found you." She said looking up at him. 'I had better explain this one and fast.' Anna said to herself she didn't even give him a chance to say anything, as fast as she could she launched into her explanation, "I know you told me to stay in Chicago, and really I should have, but I went to the hospital, Kerry said that you could take you time here, and then Romano he said it was okay to work and then the next thing I knew I was being suspended, I wasn't there an hour before that happened, I know I should probably be fired for that one, I didn't see any reason that I should sit in Chicago, so I hopped a flight got here at 3, I think I drove all over Kentucky trying to find you thru Georgetown, Paris, Midway, and even Glasgow before I realized I had missed Edmonton. I tried to call and you didn't answer, it took me 5 hours for a 2 hour drive. I know that I shouldn't have but I didn't want you to be here alone. Please baby, don't be mad at me." She blurted out all in one breath.

Doug was surprised to hear his name. Once she started talking he knew who it was. As she started to explain he slowly walked over to her. By the time she was done he was standing right in front of her. He slipped the bag off her shoulder and set it on the ground. "Hey" he whispered. He brought his hands up to touch either side of her face. "You don't have to explain." he said softly. "I'm glad you're here."

Anna let out a sigh. "I am too." She said looking into his eyes, "I couldn't stay away."

"He must be one special guy." Doug said with a weak smile. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss. After a second he reached down and grabbed her bag "I got this" he said as he slung it over his shoulder. He went to take her hand and saw the room key. "You're not really thinking you are staying in another room tonight are you?"

She smiled back at him, "you know you are. I didn't know you were here." She rubbed her eyes, "I either need to glue your cell phone to you, or get you a spare battery baby. Oh hell how about if I don't let you out of my sight."

Doug smiled as he opened the door. "It's fate I tell ya!" Doug followed her in and locked the door. "I didn't hear you call...oh I was at a basketball game. I just didn't hear it ring. I'm sorry." he said smiling. "How did you get lost though? There are only so many places you can go in town. Besides I left you an address." Doug took a sip of his drink and held out the fry box to her. "French fry?"

She snapped up a French fry, "how could I get lost...I couldn't read your doctor chicken scratch, I've never been in Kentucky before, I got turned around headed north and then I ended up going east before I realized I wanted to be heading south, that's how I got lost. Touring the countryside was not high on my list of things to do." Anna sat down on the bed putting her head in her hands, she didn't want to open up a can of worms by asking him how he was doing, "So then I take it that was your high school I drove by three times."

"If it was packed that was probably it. There's a big tournament this weekend. I don't think we've lost a state championship since before I was on the team." he said sitting next to her and handing her the box. "I can go out and get you something to eat." it was nice to have a conversation that didn't involve what he was feeling or thinking. It was easier to deal with Anna. He smiled at her and poked her in the side. "So what are you doing to get suspended? I mean, I thought I had the bar set pretty high on disciplinary actions."

"That's very impressive. No you don't have to get my anything to eat; I grabbed something at the last gas station I was at." She said batting at his hand. "Well you didn't set the bar very high if I jumped over that fast. It didn't take but going from the SICU to the ER before I managed to get myself suspended. I have done a lot of things but this is a first for me." She fell back on the bed laughing, "I am so lucky that he didn't fire me on the spot for that one. I hit Romano, and man did it feel good."

"You hit him?" Doug asked while his mouth dropped open. He started to laugh as Anna did. "Alright, we're like Bonnie and Clyde." Doug ran his fingers through his hair trying to picture Anna nailing him in the face. "What'd the little bastard do? I am I'm sure he deserved it."

"Oh, what he did, hum, well," she wasn't sure just how much of that she wanted to tell him, "he asked me out to dinner, called me the doctor from the dead and now I have to go before the competency review committee."

Doug smiled. "Hell, I would have hit him too." Doug said turning and climbing on top of Anna. "But it doesn't take much to set me off." he said with a smile as he moved the hair out of her face. He took a deep breath and touched foreheads with her. "It was really sweet for you to come here though...I really didn't want to be here alone." he said closing his eyes. He hoped she knew how much it really means to him. The fact that she thought enough about him to drop everything to chase him down said a lot. It said she wanted to be in this for the long hall.

She whispered softly, "it was the least that I could do for a man who had the guts to chase me thru midway. I love you," She reached up touching his face gently; "I'd do anything for you."

Doug sighed. He felt like he was going to loose it. He kissed her forehead and rolled off the bed before he did. "Ill let you get some sleep. You must be tired." he said walking into the bathroom leaving the door cracked open. He turned the water on in the sink to make it sound like he was doing something but rested his head against the mirror. He rolled back the tears in his eyes. 'Suck it up Doug, be a man' played in his head. That was the one thing his dad had always made sure he did. Thinking on today, it had been hard but he knew tomorrow was going to be worse.

She curled up on her side. Dan did this when her mom died. She crossed the room standing just outside of it. "A wise man once told me that the only way to start to heal the hurt is to cry...it cleans the heart and soul." She crossed the room picking up her purse and keys, "Hey I left something in the rental car. I will be back in a minute." She said as she headed outside. She opened up the car door and dug thru her purse for her emergency stress relief. No one knew that she did this, and she'd keep it that way if she could, but it helped calm her down when she had to deal with an irate Max. She brought it to her lips as she fumbled with the lighter. Maybe if she gave him a few minutes alone, he'd let go and cry.

Doug heard what she said but didn't take it in. he backed up and looked at himself in the mirror. He really didn't like what he saw. He walked into the room and noticed she was outside. After grabbing his keys Doug went out to sit with her. He saw her smoking and walked over. "Smoking's bad for you, you know." he said pulling the cigarette out of her mouth and putting it into his. After inhaling deeply he put a finger against his lips. "Shh, don't tell" he said walking over and sitting down on the curb. "Boy it's nice out tonight" he said inhaling again.

"Yeah it is." She said reaching into her purse. "Keep that one, you keep my secret and I can pretend that I didn't see you with that." She sat down next to him. For once in a long time she didn't feel like talking. She just sat there looking at the stars. The silence between them was making her almost feel awkward. She didn't know what to do, what to say, she wanted to be there to support him. But right now it felt like she couldn't breathe. Right now it was easier to just close down communication between them. That way neither of them would have to deal with anything that they didn't want to. She knew he didn't want to talk about how he was feeling, and she didn't want to talk period. They were going to have a long day tomorrow. She glanced at her watch it was a little after 9 now. She finished the smoke and stood up. "You know you should try and get some sleep." She looked around her taking in the surroundings. Taking 10 minutes of quiet time had given her a second wind. "I'm going to grab a beer." She kissed the top of his head.

Doug finished his cigarette and threw down the butt. "Hey can I bum another one off ya?" he said remaining seated. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep much tonight and a smoke helped him calm down. Doug felt bad for Anna. She shouldn't have to be here for this. He would hate being at a funeral for someone else. He didn't have a speech prepared for tomorrow and hoped that he wouldn't have to. Members of her church would probably take up the whole time talking anyway. It wasn't the service he was dreading going to. It was the reactions of her friends. None of them ever knew the things that went on in their house when he was growing up. They all assumed that his dad was the best, even when they both came out with bruises and black eyes. He knew they would treat him like a child like they did before he left this town. He hoped Anna wouldn't leave his side. Maybe with her there they would have something else to talk about.

"Yeah," She said as she reached into her purse and held them out for him. She looked down at him, before walking over to the jeep popping the back open. "You want one." She said as she leaned into the back of the jeep, "they are kind of warm." She looked at him sitting there, "so do you want stuff Anna tomorrow or do you want me to give, well if you mom's church was anything like my mom's the old biddies something to talk about so they leave ya alone."

Doug lit the cigarette and motioned for Anna to throw him a beer. "I don't care" he said after he closed the lighter. He lay back on the concrete and inhaled the smoke. Carol always hated it when he smoked, but it was never very often. "You know I failed astronomy. The only constellation I ever learned was Orion." he said pointing up to the belt. "That was always a really easy way to get a kiss in high school." he said with a small laugh. "Take my date out to the hill on Jamerson and point out the one star pattern I knew. The girls would think it was cute..." he sat back up and opened the beer. "But then they all started talking to each other and realized that I took them all to the same place and then they hated me." Doug took a big drink of the can and set it back down. Getting alcohol in his probably wasn't smart the way he was feeling at the moment. He knew he was bound to say something stupid. "You don't have to feel obligated to go tomorrow Anna. I know you feel uncomfortable around me now, and that you're trying to be supportive but...I'm telling you now, it's going to be worse tomorrow...and the service is going to be in church and I know how you feel about that." Doug talked to the ground almost the whole time. He was glad she was here but he didn't want her to come out of this hating him for saying something hurtful that he didn't mean to. He could tell she was still a little jumpy from when he yelled at her the other day and he didn't want one hard time to ruin their new relationship.

"I don't feel obligated to go." She said as she brought the can up to her lips. 'Ahhh," she shook her head, "warm beer sucks. Seriously though, I want to do this, to be there for you. Someday I am going to need to lean on you, and I know you would do the same for me. As for the church thing, I had a long talk with the man upstairs tonight when I got lost and for once in my life he gave me what I asked for." She said taking another swig from the can. "Now do you want stuffy Anna or do we give those old biddies something to talk about so that they don't smother you to death? I can either be this good little catholic girl, or your beautiful trophy girlfriend, your choice."

"You're not a trophy Anna." he said flicking the cigarette away from him. He put his head down. He wasn't really in the mood for jokes even though he knew Anna was just trying to help. After several minutes he lifted his head back up. "What'd you ask for?" he asked looking up at her. "You said god helped you out...maybe you're Saint Anna... if I pray through you he might listen to me for once." somewhere in him, where he wouldn't admit, Doug still had faith. And it pissed him off that god could do something like this, right when things were starting to go well again.

"Yeah, sure." She said as she got into the glove box and pulled out another smoke. She used the lighter in the jeep because it was right there. "I asked him to help me find my way back to you." She realized that she had raised her voice, but didn't care right now, "you the one person in the world I give a damn about, I'm here because I want to be, not because you asked me to, or because I feel that I have to be. I can't tell if you want me to stay or if you want me to go... get close or stay away. Yeah I know losing your parent hurts and it hurts badly, and it's going to hurt for a long time." She was losing her temper; she took a deep breath this was not where she wanted to go right now, this isn't what they needed. She walked around to the other side of the jeep. Breathe, breathe, Anna shut up now.

Doug closed his eyes; this was exactly what he didn't want to happen. 'Damn it Doug why can't you shut up?' he told himself out loud. He kicked the can and stood up. He put his hands behind his head and walked past Anna, setting her room key on the car, to head down the road. He didn't know where he was going to go but he felt like he was talking to carol again. He really did love Anna, and it was because of that he had to leave. It killed him he could never tell her the real reasons that he said some of the stupid things he did. He knew the reasons would break her heart...and possibly change the way she saw him. 'One day' he told himself.

She stood there for a minute letting it all sink in. She grabbed the key off the car and ran after him. "Wait, Doug stop." She grabbed for his arm, "don't go. I'm sorry I'm just more tired than I thought. I didn't mean to raise my voice."

Anna surprised him when she grabbed his arm. He spun around and took a step back. He tried to quickly get rid of the look of fear on his face. He hated it when people grabbed him. "Look...don't worry about it." he said running a hand through his hair. He was tired of apologizing. He stood there for a second not sure what to say. "You just...you can't understand...and I cant tell you." he said putting his hands up and taking a few more steps back. "God help me, I can't"

"I can't understand what," She said softly looking at him, "that your old man beat you and your mom when you were growing up. It's why you pummel Max to a pulp because he was beating me. I don't have to understand it. I love you for who you are now, right now, the man standing before me. If you need to shut down to deal with all of this, and then do, we all cope differently. I have to respect that."

Her words brought tears to his eyes. "I'd never hit you..." Doug walked around in a circle trying to not scream. "I don't know how to deal with this. I didn't feel much when my dad died and I felt bad about that. I hadn't seen my mom in... many years. She had only seen my daughters in pictures because we never liked to see each other because...every time she looked at me she saw my dad. And you don't know how that feels." Doug said speaking strongly now. "My whole life down here, we had to pretend that everything was perfect because my mom was so afraid of what people thought of her. I hate these people because they did nothing to help! The freaking priest who wouldn't let her get a divorce...and I hate myself for not being strong enough to stop it." Doug looked her in the eye. It was all coming out now so he might as well finish it. "I've never been in a lasting relationship because I'm so scared that one day I'm going to wake up and be that man, and have ruined someone else's life. And as much as you tell me that everything's going to be ok, and that I'm a great guy, the bad stuff is still easier to believe." Doug wrapped his hands around the back of his neck. "And this is what I didn't want you to see...this part of my character cause if you knew half of what my real problems were you'd think I was a different person." Doug walked into the middle of the street. He thought a moment on what he had just spilled. 'You idiot' he told himself. He picked at the scab on his hand nervously. "You must be tired...I don't want to keep you up." Doug didn't know how Anna would react to his speech so he wanted to give her a way out.

"That's the one thing I do know. I know that you would never hit me. I don't know what you're feeling; I don't know what that's like. We all have skeletons in the closet. I want to make us work. I have never been with anyone who has made me feel so full of life, who's given me a reason to live." She turned away from him and she started to walk away, she stopped "we just have to adjust to one another, learn how to deal with each other, when to push and when not too. We'll grow into one another. If you can never tell me the other half of your problems then you never do."

Doug crossed his arms. He had never met anyone as understanding as her. "And that's ok with you?" he asked quietly.

"Yes it is okay. I wouldn't tell you it was if it wasn't."

Doug walked up to meet her. It took him a second but he did it. He didn't touch her or say a word. He hoped that the fact that he was walking back with her said enough. This was a subject he didn't want to get on. He walked into the room with Anna and went through his bag for his night clothes. After he set them on the bed he turned got go to brush his teeth but he made an effort to walk past her. He touched her shoulder gently and slowly slipped his arm around her. In a second he let go from his semi hug and walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

She grabbed her pjs and threw them on as she waited for him to finish in the bathroom. When she saw him come out she darted in to brush her teeth before coming back out and getting into bed. Things were not good but they were okay.. She knew that they would be okay. She laid her head down on the pillow pulling the blanket up tight around her. She shifted onto her side, "goodnight." She said softly as she closed her eyes.

Doug made his way to the bed and sat down. He lay on his back and stared at the dark ceiling. If this relationship didn't work he would be screwed. He had put himself over the edge for Anna. Been through too many things with her for him not to get a broken heart. He closed his eyes and fell asleep with those thoughts in his head.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64:**

Doug woke up and looked at the clock. It was almost six and the sun was about to come up, his favorite time of day. He knew he wouldn't be bale to go back to sleep so he quietly got up and slipped on his basketball shorts and a long-sleeved tee-shirt. He grabbed his running shoes and walked outside. It was still cool but not nearly as bad as Chicago. After lacing up his shoes and started down the street for a jog.

She rolled over slowly stretching as she pushed the sleep from her eyes. An empty bed, she took a deep breath in as she sat up. She pulled out her clothes and headed in for the shower. She started the water waiting for it to get warm as she brushed her teeth. Out of habit she climbed in as she continued to brush her teeth letting the hot water run over her body. She didn't stay in because she wanted to make sure that there was some left, in case he came back. She sat down and put her clothes on. She picked up her makeup bag as she started to pull her hair up into a bun. She put her headphones on as she flipped thru the music to find something that fit her mood. She finally stopped when she got to 'bring me to life'. She turned it up as she started to put on her makeup. And sing along with the music. "With out a soul, my spirit is sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there with in me..." She finished up and headed out into the other room, as she flopped down on the bed, "I hate the world today your so good to me I know but I can't change I tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I was an angel underneath innocent and sweet, yesterday I cried, you must have been relieved to see the softer side, I can understand how you can be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything rolled all into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed." She swung her legs in time to the music as she lost herself in the music that was blaring in her ears. Anna was oblivious to the world around her.

Doug finally reached the motel again. It had been awhile since he had been running and he was sweaty and out of breath. He had only gone about five miles but it was good enough. He opened the door to see Anna laying on the bed listening to music. She almost made him smile singing like that. He walked over and grabbed his suit bag. Maybe if he was quiet she wouldn't even notice he had come in until he was in the bathroom. He hung the bag up on the inside of the door and took off his shirt and running shoes. He set them in the corner and shut the door. He turned on the water and it quickly got hot. It was good sign that Anna had already been in the shower. He got in and let the water drip down his neck. As long as he could get through today it would be ok.

She had felt the breeze when he opened the door but she didn't leave her spot. She decided that for right now it was just be to stay in her own little world. He would be alright with out her hanging on him. Besides, she was in a happy bliss right now. Nothing like some good music to take your mind off the world around you.

Doug finished up in the shower and stepped out. After he dried off a little he slicked back his hair and started to get dressed. He put on his black slacks and white shirt and started to mess with the tie. He hated ties. He opened the door up to let some of the steam out. "Ahh, damn" he said as he messed up the tie knot for the third time. After the fourth attempt he decided to leave it for now. He grabbed his coat and headed out into the other room. Doug sat on the edge of the bed and started to put on his socks and shoes. He casually looked over at Anna. "You look nice." he said softly to her.

She had felt him sit on the bed next to her. She pulled her headphones off, "thanks." Lip-reading wasn't her greatest skill but she could make out something. She noticed that his tie wasn't done and out of habit she reached over. It gave her a small and feeble excuse to get close to him, "let me tie your tie." Eventually they would work their way back to the place that they were at before all of this. In her heart she was in this for the long haul, until time stopped for them, she just wasn't ready to tell him.

Doug turned to let her help him as he finished tying his shoes. He watched her hands work. She seemed so strong, stronger than him. "We need to leave soon." he said quietly. "I think the priest wanted to talk with me before the service...i need to be the first on there anyway." he looked up into her eyes. He knew he would be ok as long as she stayed next to him. He reached up and took her hand as she finished with his tie. "Don't let go ok?" he said as he stood up.

"I won't." She said softly. She gave him a half smile as she stood up gently squeezing his hand. She let go as she pulled on her jacket and buttoned it up. She looked in the mirror by the bed and jabbed a couple more bobby pins into her hair. She reached for her keys and purse, "okay," she took in a deep breath, she had to be strong for him today, "let's go."

Doug grabbed a pair of both of their blue jeans. "I have to clean up the house a little after the service...cant do it in a suit." he said walking towards her. He reached for the car keys after he shut the motel door. "Why don't you let me drive? I know my way around."

"Yeah, that's fine baby" She said standing there beside him. Watching him lock the door. She looked at his rental car, it was small and she didn't want to be cramped close to him, not that close right now. This was hard enough worrying about him with out being stuck in something so small, "but let's take mine, besides I know you like jeeps." She tossed her keys at him.

"Yeah sure" Doug said catching the keys. He got in and started the car. Doug drove silently down the road to the church. Mack Davis played on the radio and Doug kept it on low. After a little bit they pulled up into the church lot, the service started in an hour and although Doug wanted to be the first one there, he wasn't. As soon as he pulled up he knew the little old ladies had taken over...and he knew how it would go. The first part would be all tears and prayers. Then they would all go back to his mother's house and they would stuff everyone with food and attack his personal life in the politest way possible. He sighed as he stuck the car in park and got out. He waited for Anna before walking up the stairs and into the church. Doug opened the doors and saw, what must have been his mother's entire congregation with only a few faces he recognized. He squeezed Anna's hand as he took a step in and walked over to one of his mother's friends that he knew. "Hey Edna" he said leaning down to give her a hug. She patted his cheek. "oh Doug..." she started in a quaint southern accent."Its god's plan." she said to him patting her eyes. Doug touched her shoulder as he walked past her to get a seat. Those never made him feel any better, just angry. Socializing wasn't high on his list of things to do anyway. He would be trapped soon enough and the less conversation the better. Doug walked to the front of the church and kneeled before sitting down in the pew. He sat rigidly forward, with his eyes locked on the casket in front of them.

Anna kneeled and took a seat next to Doug. She squeezed his hand to let him know that she was there as she shifted on the pew. Her legs crossed. She lowered her head. She kept her composure holding herself together for his sake. She hated funerals. They always made her cry, but she started to chew on her lip keeping it together for him.

Doug could feel how uncomfortable she was. He cleared his throat and leaned over to whisper to her. "The service shouldn't last too long. Once everyone goes back to my mom's house we can hide out anyway." Doug heard the ladies talking about him. "Front row...by that blond there...yes I'm surprised he came at all." they would never say these things to his face. It wouldn't be their manner. It was only polite to talk about people behind their back. Doug dreaded the things that would be said at his house. Anna was bound to overhear most of it if she hadn't already. He looked back behind himself. The ladies were doing a good job of pointing him out to everyone since, as the people started to fill in, everyone touched him on the back. 'Thank god Anna's catholic' he told himself. At least he wouldn't have to lie about that. Shortly there after the priest came up front and started the service. Doug sat with his arms crossed. Even though he had Anna he still felt all alone.

Old busy bodies, she thought to herself. She felt bad for him having to put up with all of this. She sat stone-faced thru the entire service much better than she thought she would. She felt like an outsider here though. She went thru the motions, she could do that on autopilot thank god for small favors and years of having it hammered into her head. She could hear the small sobs coming from various pews. Just a little while longer, she only had to suffer through this a little longer.

An hour later they said a final prayer and everyone started to file out. His mom had wanted to be cremated which, although not totally in line with what everyone else wanted, was her right. Doug waited for everyone else to go before he stood up. He straightened his suit and held out his arm for Anna to take. As soon as they walked out of the church it was as if a funeral had never happened. People were already talking about what food would be served and on what china. Doug drug Anna quickly to his car. He sat in the jeep and closed his eyes for a second. He hated all of this. After a few minutes he went to start the car and pulled out of the church. Doug rolled the windows down and stuck his left hand out of the car. It was a few miles to his house and he was going to take the long way around.

The wind felt good against her skin as Doug had started to drive. The silence filled the car; you could only hear the wind as they went along. She reached up and pulled the bobby pins from her hair letting it fall down as she shook her head a couple of times. She'd put it back up when they got there. She leaned back against the seat letting the wind whip her hair about her face. The silence was not uncomfortable anymore but almost expected. She looked out the window wondering how such a beautiful place could be so hostile. She glanced at him; he seemed to be holding up okay. She couldn't help but worry about him. What he was going thru pulled at her heart. But after last night and their blow up she wasn't going to say anything. Letting him be was probably the best thing that she could do for him right now, other than just being there.

Doug drove past the house twice before he pulled up. He hoped Anna hadn't noticed. It would be a little strange being back in the house he had grown up in. He knew his mom had kept his room exactly the same as when he had left for college. He put the car in park and bit his lip. He was going to tell Anna that she could go but he knew she wouldn't listen. He straightened his tie and got out of the car. After opening the door for Anna he walked through the yard and up the stairs. He held the screen door open and could hear the people inside. He walked in with Anna and was bombarded by tiny southern women who still somehow saw him as an eighteen year old basketball player.

"OHHHH its Dougy!" one woman called out which brought three others with her.

He only knew one's name so decided just to smile like he usually did. "Hello Faye...ladies." he said screwing on his best smile.

"It was so sad what happened to your mom Doug" one lady said."I guess it was just her time."

Doug gave a small nod as he looked to Anna. "This is my friend Anna Del Amico from Chicago." Doug knew very well that you either had a friend or a fiancé and nothing in between.

"Ohh." one lady said taking Anna's hand. "On to another one Doug? Well just know no sex out of wedlock you know." she said at an attempt at a joke.

Doug smiled the best he could. How embarrassing.

"Oh but its not like Doug listens to us...after all you have two bastard children already don't you?" she asked looking at him.

Doug just nodded and kept his mouth glued shut.

"Yes that about broke your mothers heart..." another one said, adding to his humiliation."So still playing doctor or have you given that one up too?" the same woman asked.

"No i work in a county hospital in Chicago. Anna works with me...actually i just got promoted." Doug added to boost his ego.

"Ohh...i see." the tiny lady said.

"But look at you Dougy." said a taller woman who had just joined the conversation. "You look just like your father." she said touching his face. "Doesn't he ladies...a spitting image of Ray."

Doug closed his eyes at that one. Hearing that hurt. "Excuse me please." he said with a smile letting go of Anna's hand. "I'm going to get a drink really quick."

The ladies took Anna's hand as Doug left. "I'm sure he handles his liquor just like ray too." They said sarcastically laughing at him. Doug heard it but kept walking. "Be careful with that one honey." the short lady said to Anna. "He's not much but a little trouble." she spoke in a polite and joking tone, but that's how they all did.

Doug didn't head for the bar but upstairs to his old room. Everything was the same, right down to the smell. He looked around at his wall of trophies and pictures. He walked over to read some of the newspaper clippings his mom had put up on a bulletin board. He hated that he left Anna down there. He knew if he stayed he would say something he would regret, and gossip was the only things that traveled faster than the derby horses in Kentucky. Hopefully she would find her way upstairs.

Anna just put on her best smile upon the bombardment of southern women. They were holding onto her and it was making her extremely uncomfortable. She hated to be pawed and that's exactly what they were doing. She finally got out of there claws. She had heard more than she wanted to about how she should be careful, that he was a good boy, but a big heartbreaker. "Excuse me ladies." She said walking backwards out of the room. She didn't see him anywhere. She wandered about the house trying to find one spot where there weren't a bunch of gossiping women. She headed up the stairs. She wandered down the hallway before finally finding him. "Hey there." She said softly, she wasn't sure if he wanted her there or if she should just turn and walk down to more from the older women. She looked at the floor speaking softly, "can I stay, or do you want me to go back downstairs?"

"Oh god don't do that." he said still looking at the framed newspapers on the walls. "You might realize I'm not worth It." he said smiling at his own joke. He had to; it was too hard to take things seriously. He was embarrassed at what Anna had heard and he didn't quite know what to do. He walked around his room a little looking at the things his mom had put up for him. His room was clean and perfectly dusted. It was like her to keep it that way. To clean it even when he was gone. He found a picture of him, his mom and dad standing by a 1967 mustang his dad had gotten somehow and brought home. It was Doug's present until his dad lost it shortly there after in a poker game, but no one could tell by looking at the photo. "That's the nice thing about pictures." Doug said staring at it. "That one happy moment is frozen in time forever." he leaned against the wall and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The next picture beside him was of him and his mom the day he left for college. Looking at it made the tears rise up in his eyes. Before he could stop it one fell down his cheek. Doug slowly wiped it away and kept his cool composure. He breathed in looking for something to say as it happened again. He didn't wipe his face this time. He just kicked his foot against the wall and stared into the corner. He needed Anna to break the tension he was feeling.

"Thank you," She said as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He was still just looking into the corner of the room his back to her. "You know they trying to get me into the kitchen. That would not have been pretty. But I think that they are convinced that you and I are nothing more than friends. But for some reason they just don't understand that I'm not a nurse." She stepped back from him, "I suppose that I could go back to school again. Have you always been so good looking?" She was cracking feeble jokes and didn't feel like they were getting her anywhere. Maybe it would be better if she just shut up. She couldn't make him feel better right now and she knew it. She shrugged her shoulders. She was at a loss for words now. This was the hard part, getting him thru the service, the car ride here that was the easy part. Now there was no one talking for them, they didn't have anyone to listen to and the only way to break the silence was for one of them to say something. She turned to walk out the door, she stopped herself, lowering her voice just in case there was an old woman listening in on them, and "I love you." She walked out of the room and back down into the room full of women. She grabbed a drink from the bar and headed outside where she found herself sitting on the front porch steps. They were all busy inside chatting with each other so it was easy to slip out there. She felt bad for walking out on him like that. She leaned back and took in a deep breath of air. As she snuck over to the jeep hiding between the cars...she felt like she was 15 again and trying to not get busted by her parents for smoking in the parking lot. A few minutes and she would go back inside to face everyone again.


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

Doug just smiled at her as she left. This wasn't fair to her and he knew it. After walking through the upstairs a little more he had a pretty good idea of the things he was going to box up and take back. His godmother was going to live in the house and would use most of the things here but the sentimental things were his. He slowly walked back downstairs. The house had cleared out a little after the food had gone. It wouldn't be long until he would be all alone to clean up the mess. He didn't see Anna and didn't want to make a true effort to find her. He made some more small talk before heading into the backyard. They had a small basketball court that he had made one summer and Doug was surprised to find it in fairly good condition. 'The local kids must play on it.' he thought. Doug found a ball in the grass and took off his jacket before dribbling it onto the court. He shot from the top of the key and grinned as he made it in. "starting at point guard, central Lexington's # 20...Doug roses!" Doug said out loud to himself as he dodged imaginary opponents. "He tries to drive up the lane but sees the pick and sends it back...he gets the opening and..." Doug went to shoot the ball and missed. "He misses but steals it back. No ones guarding him and..." Doug bit his lip as he jumped for a dunk. He barely got it but slammed the ball through hanging onto the rim for a second before landing on his feet. Doug got the ball and walked it back up to the key rolling up his shirt sleeves. "The games all tied up...fifteen seconds to make history..." Doug said as he got ready for the shot. He used to love doing this when he was young. "He shoots as the buzzer sounds!" Doug said as he jumped for the shot. He threw his hands up as he made it. "It's good! Ahhh" he softly yelled as he jumped into the air.

Anna walked back into the house, things were wrapping up. She took off her jacket and set it on the back of the chair, as she started to slowly clean up after people. She picked up glasses, plates and odds and ends into the kitchen. They tried a couple of times to shoo her out, but she stood her ground. "It's okay," she said prying free of one of the women, "I need something to do." She stood at the kitchen sink as she rolled up her sleeves and dug in. She tuned out the gossip. As she smiled watching Doug playing on the basketball court. Boys will be boys. She didn't want to believe half the stuff that she was hearing. When spoken to she just nodded her head, acknowledging who ever it was but kept going. After about a half hour she realized that the house was now empty and she was standing there with up to her elbows in dishwater. She slid her hand around the bottom of the sink not paying attention as she watched him having what looked like fun on the court, felt a knife dig into her hand.

Doug was heating up. 'I'm not that out of practice' he said to himself. He took off his button up shirt so that he was playing in slacks and his white undershirt. He grabbed the ball again and ran towards the basket and dunked it again. "Not bad for a 5'11 point guard." he said with a laugh. He looked around the court. He could remember playing out here and smelling his mom making dinner. He was always going to be sad that Anna never got to meet her. She was the best part of him. He would also feel bad his mom would never know what a great person he had in his life now. He quickly pushed the memories away as he went for another shot.

"Damn it." She said as she put her hand under the cold water. She let the water run over her hand as she watched him continue to play. Boy was she smitten with the man out there on the court. She watched him for a few more minutes before finishing up what dishes she had left in the sink. It stung but she'd live. She grabbed a paper towel from the by the sink, pressing it against her hand and walked out of the house towards the back yard. "Hey there hot shot." She called, "are we winning?"

Doug turned around. He should have known she might be watching him. "Only by a little." he said holding his hand up to block the sun so he could see her. He set the ball down and wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt as he walked over to her. "Everybody gone?" he asked before he reached her. He saw she was holding her hand and he reached out to touch it. "You alright?" he asked looking at the cut on her hand. He pulled her hand put and kissed the incision. "About everything." he asked squinting into the sun. "It must have a pretty crappy day for you."

"Yeah I'm okay. I just had a run in with a knife, hazards of kitchen work." She said looking at him, "It was okay..." She stopped herself from going on. "I got the kitchen cleaned up for you, you looked like you were having so much fun out here, and I didn't want you to have to worry about it."

Doug grinned at her. "I appreciate that..." he took a good look at her. She really didn't look very happy even now. He wanted to do something to cheer them both up. "You know what?" he said looking at his watch. "I am making an executive decision...have you ever been horseback riding?"

"An executive decision..." She laughed, "Horseback riding yeah right country boy. I'm a city girl, big city girl remember."

Doug smiled at her. He hoped his idea would make her happy and not blow up in his face. "Well come on then..." he said taking her hand."Let's get you changed." Doug was glad he had brought some blue jeans for them after all.

"Okay... okay." She said, "as long as you realize that I am totally clueless about this."

"That's a good thing." Doug said as they went inside the house. He tossed her, her jeans. "You can go upstairs and change." Doug went into the bathroom that was in the hall. It took him about thirty seconds. He was glad he still had his friend who worked at the derby. Since it wasn't derby season Doug knew there were bound to be some warm up horses just hanging around that they could take out. He sat outside on the porch swing and waited for her to come out.

Anna threw on her jeans and walked outside the house. She sat down on the swing next to him, "okay cowboy, let's do this."

Doug smiled at her "ha-ha, I'm not exactly a cowboy. But you can't come to Kentucky and not ride...a horse." he said blushing. It was his one lame attempt at a joke. "Come on then." he said taking her hand and leading her to the jeep. He left the window down as he pulled onto the road. Doug was glad when a song came on the radio he knew. He sang along to 'jack and Diane' to make Anna laugh. "Little ditty about Jack and Diane  
Two American kids growing up in the heartland Jacky's gonna be a football star Diane debutante backseat of Jacky's car." he drummed on the steering wheel and looked over at her. He wanted to have a good time as much as he wanted her to be happy with him. They both needed it. "The..." Doug didn't want to give it away. "Place is only a little further" he said changing lanes. The sun was coming down and Doug could picture it now. It was going to be beautiful.

Anna ran her hand thru her hair as she giggled. "Well then I would hate on missing out on riding..."she paused..."a horse." It felt good to be laughing as she put her hand on his knee. "Can I be your Diane there Jacky, there's plenty of room here."

Doug was almost crying he was laughing so hard. He looked over at her. "Ohhh it's going to be a long night." he said finally getting his laughter under control. He pulled down a dirt road; he was going to take the back way to surprise her. "Ok" he said parking the car. He stepped out and could smell the clean air. His timing was going to be perfect. He took her hand and walked her through the back of the barn so that they would come out in the front of the derby ring with the sun out in front.

She held onto her hand not knowing what to expect. "You know how to pick activities, this is wonderful." She said to him as she put her arm around him. She was nervous as all get out. She had never been on a horse let alone ever near one. "I'm glad you know what you're doing."

Doug smiled at her. He waved at his friend on the field. He turned Anna back around and walked her though the barn. "Don't be scared. I wouldn't let anything happen to you." he walked her over to the warm up horses and found a beautiful brown one that wasn't overly big. "These are warm up horses. They aren't good enough to run in the derby so they run along side the real ones to get them loose." he took her hand and brought it through the bars of the stall. "Come here boy." he said calling the horse. He put Anna's hand on his nose trying to show her there wasn't anything to be scared of. "Here you pet him while i find a saddle." he said walking down the hall. He came back with two saddles and set them down. Doug opened the stall door and led the horse out so he could put a saddle on him. "Is this one ok with you?" he asked. "Just keep petting him...he's a good boy aren't you?" he asked the horse kissing his mane.

Anna smiled. "Pet the horse Anna." She said to herself as she watched Doug, "nice horsie." She said trying to stay calm and relaxed.

Doug tried to keep the smile off his face. As he set the saddle on the horses back the horse jumped a little. "Its ok boy." Doug said strapping it down. He fixed the bridle for Anna and handed the reins for her to hold. "I'm going to get mine. Can you hold him for a second?" Doug didn't want to push her too fast but he thought learning something new would be good. She would have to trust him on this, like he did with her.

Anna's hands shook a little now. "Yeah," she squeaked. She trusted him, but this was unfamiliar ground for her. She continued to run her hand over the horse's mane while keeping her eyes glued on Doug. 'Trust Anna, Doug isn't going to get you killed.' she said to herself, "It's a horse, you're just a big pony."

Doug walked down a pulled out another horse. His was a little bigger but it would work. He saddled the horse and got the bridle set on his. He brought his horse out in front of Anna's. "Ok Anna, yours is just going to follow mine ok? Just hold the reins and walk a little bit behind me until we reach the track." riding on the track was good because if the horse took off Doug wouldn't have to chase her down a pasture to save her. He slowly led his horse though the barn keeping a good eye on Anna. "You're doing good Anna. See it's not that hard."

Okay, here she was following Doug with a horse. "We can do this right there my new horsie friend." Doug was in front of her and she was walking slow but following him. "Uh Doug does my uhm new friend here have a name other than nice horsie?"

"Ha-ha" Doug laughed at her. He could tell she was really nervous. "Yeah his name is Magic. The one i have is Copper." he said patting his horse on the back. Doug led them down onto the track. "Thanks again Dave!" he called to his friend. Doug stopped and turned around. He set his horses reins on the fence and went to go help Anna. Doug stopped her horse and turned to her. "Ok...moment of truth." he said taking the reins from her. He wanted her to get on before she hanged her mind or got too scared. "Stand on his left side and stick your foot in the stirrup. He's not going to go anywhere ok? All you have to do is grab some of his mane and pull yourself up." Doug stuck his foot in the other stirrup so when she got up the saddle wouldn't slide, and so she could feel like she was doing it on her own. "Let me know if you need some help. I'm right here."

Anna took a deep breath, "Okay magic here we go." Anna brought her foot up putting it into the stirrup just like Doug had told her to as she attempted to get up on the horse; she made it about halfway and couldn't get any further. She tried to pull herself the rest of the way up but wasn't getting anywhere; she didn't have the upper body strength yet. "I'm stuck," She softly called out, oh god he was going to laugh at her.

"It's ok" Doug said standing up in the stirrup. 'Oh please god don't let this horse take off' he thought to himself. He took her hand and leaned backwards to help her up. He grabbed her right leg and gently pulled it over the horses back. He jumped back down on the ground and put her foot in the stirrup for her. "You did it Anna!" he said smiling. "I knew you could." Doug walked over to his horse and pulled himself on. He could have gotten on with little effort but he made himself work a little harder not to show up Anna. Once he was on he walked his horse next to hers. "Ok, you ready? We are just going to walk around the track. Hold your reins like this." he said leaning over to show her. "Just squeeze with your legs and he'll go." Doug moved his horse slowly knowing hers would follow. He smiled at her as they started to walk. He was quiet for a little, just taking the time to watch her. After they got halfway down the track he spoke up. "This ok? Having fun?"

Anna laughed, "Yeah I am. This isn't that scary." She said hopefully the color would return to her fingers here soon. She had her fingers so tightly clenched that her knuckles had turned white, but she was relaxed and enjoying herself now.

Doug nodded prodding his horse to go just a little faster. He thought if he sped them up slowly she would never know until they hit a trot. He looked around at the setting sun and his beautiful girlfriend. He moved over a little closer to her so he could pull her hair back behind her ear. He wanted to use any excuse to touch her. It was strange how they had turned such an awful day for him into something better. The quiet gave him time to think which made him sad but he tried not to show it. Instead he looked back at Anna who looked happier now. "I love you." he said with a pause. "I really do."

"I love you too." She said to him smiling softly. She couldn't have asked for a better place to spend time with him than here at sunset. She felt so at peace right now. "I always will."

Doug kept his eyes locked with hers making his horse really move. They were getting pretty close to a trot and Doug was proud that Anna was doing so well. Any other person he would have done this for might have freaked out. It made him feel good that she trusted him. Finally Doug got the horse to go into a slow trot. It was getting dark and he knew that their day would be over soon so he wanted to make the most out of it. "Hold on with you're legs" he said softly to her. "You're doing really well."

Anna listened to him. She relaxed and just went with it. After all it was the same horse just moving faster and Doug was right there. "Yeah," she sighed. After all she was riding a horse now wasn't she? She felt the last bit of fear fade from her body. She could honestly say that she was truly enjoying herself and their time together. She knew in her heart now that this was the one person who she was going to be spending the rest of her life with.

"You ready for the derby then?" Doug asked joking. "We can hit this last lap in the next gear if you're ready." Doug knew if she agreed she would have a blast. He loved really moving on a horse. He was a speed junkie anyway. "A canter is smoother anyway...you ready?"

"Ready." She nodded at him. "Let's do it."

"My kinda girl." Doug said nudging his horse to get him into a slow canter. He knew once they rounded the corner the horses would automatically speed up. "If you get scared just hold onto his mane." Doug got both horses into a smooth and steady canter up the straight away. Sure enough, once they rounded the turn both sped up. Doug kept a good eye on Anna to make sure she was doing ok. He leaned down next to the horse and closed his eyes feeling the wind go by him. This night was great. He had finally found his match. Anna was the perfect combination of things that were just like him, and totally opposite. He sat up straight with his eyes still closed and tried not to look into their future. He was having too much fun living with her one day at a time. He breathed in deeply and tried to capture every second. He didn't want this moment to end.

Anna felt the wind blowing thru hair. She actually felt free from everything right now. He seemed so happy right now and she was too. She let her mind drift, her thoughts free as she felt at that moment in time. She was unsure of where they were going but she planned on enjoying the ride. Slowly over time she knew she would completely let him into her life. Right now she couldn't picture life with out him there with her.

Doug sighed as the horses came to a stop where they started. "Ahhh damn" he said looking up into the night. It was dark now and Doug knew they needed to get back. He still had a lot of work to do tomorrow. He hopped off his horse and stretched his back. It had been awhile since he had been riding and he could feel the stiffness setting in. "ok baby." he said walking over to the side of her. "Throw you're leg over and jump down." Doug grabbed her waist and helped to lift her down. He touched the sides of her arms. They felt cold, so he ran his hands down her arms to try and heat her skin up. He was about to say something when his friend came down. "Hey Doug." he said sticking out his hand from the other side of the fence. Doug walked over and shook his hand. "Thanks Dave...we're even now." he said smiling. Dave leaned in to whisper to Doug. "She must be pretty special for you to use your IOU like this." he said with a wink. Doug just smiled as he walked back. "Yeah she is." he said taking Anna's hand. "Dave's going to take the boys back up to the barn.' he said to Anna. Doug walked over and patted both of the horses. "Thanks guys for taking care of my girl." he wrapped his arm around her and walked with her out of the arena.

She smiled, as she reached up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Doug grinned as they reached the car. "Don't mention it." he said getting in. "I thought we could use a little fun today. I'm glad you had a good time. "Doug had to roll up the windows. It was cold outside and they were both in tee-shirts. "Too bad there aren't any nice hotels around i can afford." he said keeping his eyes on the road. "I hate to bring you back to such a crappy motel."

"It's okay," She said sitting back against the seat as she ran her hands up and down her arms. She hadn't noticed the cold until they had stopped moving. "As long as you are there that's all I need." She looked at the floor for a minute, as she took in a deep breath. She was going to say more but decided that it was too soon to say anything. "I did have a really good time though. I'm just happy that you didn't laugh at me." She shifted her weight in the seat and started to play with her hair. "Look if you're not too macho of a man to accept, I know how guys are with these kinds of things. Let me splurge on my vacation and get us one. I got the settlement on my Beemer and well I was leaning towards getting something a little more solid."

"Solid would be better. I would worry about you less." Doug thought about her offer for a minute. He would pay for it but he really didn't have the money. "Vacation might not be the right word...but if you want to i won't say no." Doug said whacking the heater in the car. "A place with heat might be nice." he pulled up to their motel. "I'll get our stuff...if you're sure you don't mind."

"No I don't mind. And yeah you're picking out the car. I'm leaning toward something a little less sporty and more SUV anyway." She said smiling at him. "Hurry up, go get our stuff. I am freezing here out here." She watched him get out of the car and head up to the motel room. She leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes. It's not like she had anyone that was depending on her to support them now. Her shifts at County would more than pay the rent and bills. Now that she wouldn't have to worry about Max drinking or drugging her paychecks down the drain or if she was going to lose the house over her head and have to live out of her car. She didn't have to worry about having medical bills to pay because she had to go to some clinic in the middle of the night to get stitches, or make sure that she hadn't broken anything, where no one knew her or hadn't seen her before. Be strong Anna, be strong don't break down now...don't break down now, you can't break down now, there's too much riding on this. The best thing in your life just went up to get your stuff and you are not going to be shedding any tears when he gets down here. She bit down on her lip to keep the feelings at bay.


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66:**

Doug grabbed their stuff. his head was killing him. he shoved three asprin in his mouth on the way out. he saw her with her eyes closed and knocked on the glass before he opened the car door. "anna...do you think you could drive? i just got a killer headache. i can barely see." doug hated it when he got migrains. he was getting them more often and he hadnt grabbed his medicine before he left chicago.

She opened the door, "yeah not a problem." She slid over into the driver's seat. She waited for him to climb into the car and close the door before she slammed the car into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.

Doug closed his eyes and tried to think. "ahhh you wanna hit...highway 42. go straight down, take the first exit. right off of there is a big strip of hotels. just pick one." doug reclined his seat all the way back. he knew he would feel better soon but driving was making it worse right now. he undid his seatbelt and closed his eyes to rest while she was driving. after a few minutes he fell asleep.

She didn't say anything, not wanting to make his head ache more than it already did. She pulled into a parking lot and after putting the jeep in park she turned it off. She climbed out and grabbed her stuff from the back seat. "Come on baby, wake up we are there." She said to him as she walked around the car. "I know your head hurts so let's get checked in so you can lay down. I have percocets in my bag you can have for it when we get inside."

Doug woke up. He hadnt meant to fall asleep. He got out of the car and grabbed the bags from anna. "let me take that." he said slinging it over his shoulder. Doug waited as Anna checked them in. he was actually glad she had offered to do this. He would have hated to stay in that motel again. They made their way up to the room and he set the bags down. The room was beautiful. Once Anna closed the door Doug put his arm around her waist. "Thank you" he said closing his eyes. "Now i owe you one." he said turning her around. Even though his head hurt it didn't stop him from wanting to spend time with her.

"Na, we're even." She said to him as she tightened her arms around his waist. She was happy right there with him. She smiled at him, "you know there's jets in the bathtub...I know you have an evil headache, but how about some soft music, hot water against your back, and a warm body? I mean you could pass on the warm body and we could turn the lights down for you until your headache subsides or would you rather just lie down on the bed?"

Doug gave a weak smile. She knew how to make him feel better. "No I think I'd like some company." he said taking her hand and leading her into the bathroom. Doug closed the door and turned on the hot water. He took off his shirt and sat on the edge of the tub looking at Anna. "You're not going to embarrass me again are you?" He said with a grin. "No." She said softly as she walked over standing in now in front of him, "I wouldn't do that to you right now." She got down on her knees resting her head against his chest, as she brought her hand up next to her head drawing lazy circles on his skin, her fingers trembled as she lowered her voice almost afraid to admit it out loud where he could hear her thoughts, putting her true feelings out in the open. "I love you... I want you...I...I need you." Saying I love you was the easy part, she couldn't deny that but admitting that she needed him was hard, she had never needed anyone before, no one had gotten so inside of her heart like he had. She had fallen hard for him.

Doug looked down at her and put his arm around her shoulders. For once what he had heard sounded real...not just a line. Doug knew she was serious for him the moment she showed up in the jail cell that night to bail him out. He loved her too, and didn't want to leave her. Doug put his hand under he chin and tilted her head up so he could look in her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." He said as he pulled her up into a kiss.

Her heart skipped a beat hearing his words; she wrapped her arms tightly around him. She felt pain her in knees from kneeling on the floor. She had forgotten that they were on the edge of the tub until she felt herself pushing him backwards the water splashing up as they ended up in the tub.

Doug's head smacked against the side of the tub as he fell in. The water was really hot...he had forgotten to put some cold on too. "Ahh damn" he said bending his back up to get out of the water as Anna lay on his chest. As hard as he tried, the muscles in his legs gave out and he fell back in. Doug sat there for a moment looking up at Anna. "Way to ruin a moment." he said seriously at first, then adding a smile. He reached down in the water and pulled out his wallet from the back of his pants. He tossed it on the floor and shifted his body so it was no lengthwise in the tub. He touched the back of his head and felt a small cut. "You're always trying to kill me i swear." he joked "and wet jeans are hard to get off!"

She covered her face with her hands as she laughed before looking at him, she was going to say she was sorry but that was a word that they had said to many times to each other. "Just be thankful I love you." She said batting at him, "Yeah they are...but you're only half dressed, so no whining." She said looking down at him, "oh man hot water too. I am so not going to be able to get these off. They were tight to begin with!"

Doug rolled his eyes as he reached behind him to turn on the cold water it equal it out. He wiped off the little drop of blood that dripped down his neck and flicked some water at Anna. "Well you better try don't you think?" he said with an evil grin.

She pulled herself off of him, she noticed his grin and the wicked glimmer that was in his eyes, sitting on the edge of the tub now as she wiggled free of her jeans. She tossed them onto the floor behind her, sitting there now in just her soaking wet shirt, she knew what he wanted and she wanted it to, "you know my parents give me the middle name of Grace for a reason." She wanted to get to know him, to be a part of his life, all of it. To know his likes, his dislikes, his dreams, and his fears. She reached down dragging her hand thru the water, slowly, lazily, happy to be there with just him.

"Grace huh? Boy i guess you are Catholic." he said smiling. "You know i feel really dumb sitting here...in a bathtub with you like that...and me with my jeans on."

She laughed, "Yeah I bet you do. No my middle name is not Grace...Anna Grace, ha-ha." She pulled her legs out of the tub, "well there's nothing stopping you from getting out of them." Softly adding, "Yeah so catholic that's its Gabriella. Don't laugh."

Doug slid back so he could lean against the side of the tub. He was getting the feeling they weren't on the same page. He brought his knees to his chest and smiled at her. "I wouldn't laugh at you. It's not any worse than mine..." Doug paused for a second. "Douglas Timothy Ross...its kind of a family name anyway." Doug said picking at the scab in his hand. "I don't know...I had all kinda of names picked out for when i had kids. I didn't get to voice my opinion any to carol but...i guess i can hold onto them."

She jumped back into the tub straddling him, "well you can always use them for our..." she stopped herself before she finished..."if you're not going to take these off then I am going to just have to do it for you."

Doug was a little shocked she said that. He wouldn't let it bother him. He was surprised to see her back in the tub. "Uhhh I didn't think you wanted uhhh..." she always seemed to make him blush.

"I was trying to get out of your way so that you could get out of these with out me kicking you in the head or something." She said as she leaned forward, her forehead against his, "Ohh baby you don't have any idea how much I want you."

Doug knew his face was red. He could always blame it on the hot water though. "That's good to know." he said pulling at her shirt. "I was afraid i was loosing my appeal or something."

"Never." She said as she freed herself from the wet shirt throwing it over the edge of the tub. She hit the jets on the tub with one hand as she put her hand behind his neck and kissed him.

'Got to love bubbles' Doug thought as he kissed her back. The aspirin he had taken had finally kicked in. 'thank god for small favors' he said to himself. Doug messed with his belt, but Anna had his other hand pinned against the side of the tub and he wasn't having much luck. He was afraid she'd laugh at him if he didn't get it. After all she didn't seem to have that much trouble. Just thinking about it made his laugh which broke their kiss.

Anna pulled away smiling. How did she expect him to free himself from his wet clothes if she was plastered onto of him? She scooted to the other end of the tub and leaned back against one of the jets and closed her eyes. Then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't blush or self conscious because she was watching him. He could very easily reach her when he was ready.

Doug grinned as she backed off a little. It took him a few minutes but he finally got it together. He poked her side with his foot. He knew the spots where she was ticklish and wasn't afraid to exploit them. "What are you doing all the way over there still?" he joked grabbing her hands and pulling her forward.

"Leaving my man alone for a minute." She said smiling at him trying her best to tease him a little by pulling away from him, "making you want me even more."

Doug just shook his head. "There ya go again with the blush!" he said coving his face and sliding under the water. After a few seconds he grabbed her leg and pulled her over. He shot up out of breath with her in his lap. There were bubbles covering his face but he knew he had her. "Got ya" he said trying to blow the soap out of his eyes. He leaned back so his neck rested against the side of the tub and he was lying down. He put Anna's hands on either side of his shoulders so he wouldn't slip. He always felt the most self-conscious right about now, when people had the opportunity to take advantage of him. Deep down he knew Anna wasn't like that though. He put his hand on the side of her jaw and pulled her down into a kiss.

Anna closed her eyes and let the moment take her away. She pulled back away breaking there kiss before taking in a deep breath and disappearing under the water.

Doug closed his eyes as he felt her touch. The touch of someone who loved him. Who he could actually be with forever. Doug had never thought of the word forever until Anna. He hoped she felt the same way.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67:**

Anna snuggled against Doug's chest. The day had gone from horrible to absolutely wonderful. How did she get so lucky to have a man like him in her life now? She found her mind drifting wondering if this is what it was going to be like in a month, a year, 20 years from now. Was this going to be hers forever, he said he wasn't going anywhere. Time would only tell she wanted that, they had something special and if they could survive the past 2 weeks she knew that they could survive what ever life was going to throw at them. It couldn't be any worse than what they had just been thru. How long would she be staying in his house? She didn't want to go back to sleeping alone, but there was no sense if paying on two places granted hers was closer to County, but she could easily take the EL to Northwestern from his. Not that she planned on working at Northwestern for long. She needed to put in a few shifts while she was suspended at County, to pay for her friends having to work with Romano. And as happy as she was to be working for Doug, she didn't want to give up her attending status there. She had given up a shot tenure when she upped and left Philly. But she also didn't want him to think that the only thing she cared about was her career. She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, she found something exciting about the fact that she could make this man blush so easily, "hmmm was that as good for you as it was for me?" She asked softly as she placed a trail of kissing down his neck onto his chest.

Doug smiled at her question. She already knew the answer. He was having a good time just sitting with her. He could feel the heat in his cheeks but he couldn't help it. It was a sign of love. He took her hand and put it against his. His fingers overlapped hers but that was too be expected. He had never noticed how delicate her fingers were, not like his. His had been scarred and broken. He had cigarette burns on his forearms from his dad and knife cuts from the 'boys club'. He turned her hands around examining them closely. He loved finding new things to love about Anna, not like it was very hard. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. The water was getting cold but he didn't want to get out. He liked being this close with her, she would keep him warm. He finally spoke when he found a question worth asking. "Tell me something about you Anna...I don't care what it is. I want to know all about you. Your favorite movie and color. If you like winter or summer. I don't care what it is...just talk to me." Doug spoke softly. He needed to hear her voice after today. When it was sunny he could easily pretend everything was fine but once the sun went down he always started to feel alone.

"Oh you don't care do you?" She said nestled against, "I love the snow... winter time, downhill skiing, snowboarding...Irish coffee in the lodge... I love to lie out on the beach catching the sun. Pillow fights...popcorn with lots of butter while watching Robin Hood Prince of thieves...I like the color red...I like to drive with the windows rolled down and the wind whipping thru my hair with the music turned up...I like to take long walks along the beach at sunrise when there are just a few clouds turning the sky that brilliant pink..."

Doug closed his eyes and listened to her. The sound of her voice made him feel better, although he would never admit it. After she paused he looked down at her face. "I guess I need to write that down...bring Anna to the beach, the mountains, take her to the movies, let her win in fights, buy her a car and a red dress... doesn't sound like too much to ask for your company." he joked kissing the top of her head. He was trying hard to keep the conversation off of him. His headache was starting to come back, and after riding the horse his knee hurt too. He sighed as he rubbed her arm. "You're cold...we should probably get dried off. I don't want to get you sick."

Anna moved from her spot and grabbed a towel wrapping it around her as she held the second one out to him. She smiled at him as she walked out of the bathroom pulling on the terry robe that was hanging in the closet, before stretching out on the bed, her legs dangling free over the edge. "Those things really don't matter to me..." She said pausing holding her breath not sure if she wanted to finish that thought or not. They were still new to each other and she was almost afraid that if she finished it, he would freak out on her like every other guy she knew.

Doug dried off and grabbed his flannel pants. After slipping them on we lie down on the bed next to her and set his head next to hers. "What really matters to you then?" he asked honestly.

She ran her hands thru her hair. She put her head in her hands, "I have always wanted that one special love that my parents had for each other...knowing that it would last forever. I've found that with you. I've just been too scared to say anything because I didn't want you to go all freaky on me. It's the small things that matter to me, the smiles, the popcorn, the Kentucky French toast...with you I can be me...I don't have to be afraid of what I am going to say or do... I have never wanted anything like I want this...I want to know that I won't be going home to an empty apartment...that I won't be alone...I'm truly and honestly happy and I don't want it to end."

Doug laid there a moment taking in what she had told him. From the tone of her voice he knew it was hard for her to say. He didn't want to blow the gravity of what she had said with a joke or something stupid but he wasn't very good at serious conversations, especially not tonight. "Hey..." he said tilting her face up to look at him. She was honest with him and he needed to be the same with her. " I cant promise you anything...nothing in life is certain." having said that he took her hand away from her head and put it on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. "But you feel that? This is real...right now. And that's all that matters to me. That right now, I love you so much I've shared things with you no one else knows. That when I go to bed you're the last thing I think about and the first when I wake up. That the thought of not seeing you, even just for a day, makes me never want to let you go...but I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. The only thing I can tell you that I know for sure is that whenever you're with me you don't have to worry about anything...because I'll take care of you." Doug took a breath and held her hand tighter. "So when I say now and forever...that's what I mean. Because no matter what happens with us, I'll never have anything but good memories of you."

She rolled over and buried herself into his chest, she was there to comfort him and here he was comforting her, she felt so safe and so secure. All she wanted right there in that moment in time was to be wrapped up in his arms, she looked up at him, a smile was on her face and she could feel the tears of happiness that were wetting her eyes. "Would you please just hold me close to you? I just want to be close to you right now...just you and me." She hoped that he knew how much hearing him say those words meant to her. Because she couldn't find the words to tell him.

Doug kissed away the tears on her face and pulled her into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and set his head on top of hers. He ran his fingers down her back until he felt her relax a little. He was glad she trusted him enough to say this to him. He hoped that he could open up one day too. He liked this right now anyway. It was much easier for him to comfort someone else. He kissed her forehead and grabbed the blanket to tuck her in. He knew what he had said was true...but he hoped that they really did last forever or at least for awhile. He couldn't stand the thought of being alone again. He brushed the hair out of her face and took her hand again. He could almost see it in the moonlight. "Do you know that you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen? Even your hands are perfect."

She smiled at him, her voice soft, "no, I didn't know that." She squeezed his hand before bringing it up and kissing it. "You are as handsome today as the first time I saw you, which seems so long ago now."

"Ahhh don't remind me" he said rolling over. "I'm going to feel old. I'm telling you here and now, no parties for my birthday ok? I might not even tell you the date." He said with a laugh. Doug's knee and back were starting to hurt more and he wanted to sleep well tonight. He still had a lot left to do tomorrow. He rolled off the bed and walked over to his bag. He popped some Advil into his mouth and looked for the script Anna had written him. 'Ahhh damn I threw it out' he said to himself. He had been taking them way too much. That could have been the reason that carol and him got into that fight after Valentines Day and he didn't really want to start that again, be his body needed something. He stood up and grabbed a shirt. After throwing it on he took the ice bucket and headed for the door. "I'm going to get some ice...for a drink or something. Ill be right back." he hoped Anna would go to sleep so he could fix it by himself. He didn't tell her when he twisted his knee because they were having a good time, just like they were now. He walked down the hall and found the machine.

She rolled onto her stomach wrapping her arms around the pillow and closed her eyes within a few seconds she was sound asleep.


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68:**

Doug walked in and found her asleep. He filled a bag with ice and sat down in a chair so he wouldn't wake her up. He set his feet on the small table in front of him and rolled up his pants leg. He rubbed the small scare in the side of his leg. Doug set the ice on his knee and crossed his arms in front of him as he looked at Anna sleep. She looked so happy. He slouched down in the chair and looked out the window at the wind blow. It was probably going to rain tomorrow. After awhile his eyes got heavy and he drifted into sleep.

Anna woke to the sound of raindrops on the glass. She sat up and stretched, seeing Doug asleep in the chair with a bag of melted what had to have been ice on his knee. She slipped out of the bed as quietly as she could throw on her shorts and workout shirt. She tied her tennis shoes and headed down to the small workout room that the hotel had. She put her headphones on as she started the treadmill.

Doug heard the door close and opened his eyes. Sure enough it was raining. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and looked around the room for Anna. 'She must have gone downstairs' he thought. Doug went to stand up and winced a little at the stiffness. He shouldn't have slept in the chair. He looked at the clock and noticed it was just a little after eight. It wasn't like him to sleep that late. He put on a pair of jeans and a blue button shirt. After he got cleaned up and shaved he picked up their clothes from the bathroom so they could dry. He smiled thinking about last night in here. Doug rolled up his shirt sleeves so they were just below his elbows and jammed his feet into his boots. He walked around the hotel until he found Anna running on the treadmill by herself. He opened the door to the workout room and leaned against the door hinge watching her run for a second. "You should have let me know you were going running I would have come down." he finally said.

She stopped the treadmill and walked over to him, "you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you." She said as she attempted to catch her breath and wrapped her arms around him.

Doug hugged her back. "You didn't have to stop running for me." he said kissing the top of her head. He pulled back and leaned against the wall again. "I need to go pack some things up at my mom's house. You can hang out here or you can come with me, it doesn't matter, but I'm probably going to be there for awhile." he took a deep breath in thinking of what he had to do. "Edna wants to move in by tomorrow so..." Doug cleared his throat and stood up straight. "We could grab some breakfast though."

She bit her lip for a minute. "I uhm, think that I'll just hang out here for awhile." She leaned into him for a minute, "I have some stuff that I need to finish up before we head back to Chicago anyway. I'm not really hungry baby." She kissed his cheek, "but maybe depending on how late you get back we can grab dinner together." She walked back over to the treadmill and turned it back on. She gave him a half smile as she took off running. She didn't want to be there when he had to pack up. She didn't want him to have to do it alone, but she could feel the pain from having to pack up her parents' house, and she couldn't put herself there again.

Doug nodded as she walked away from him. He wasn't really mad, but he didn't want to have to go alone. 'Oh well,' he thought. 'It'll give me sometime by myself' Doug left without another word and made his way to the door. After running through the light rain he hopped into the jeep and turned on the heat. The rain storm had brought some cold air with it. He clicked the radio onto the oldies station and tapped the steering wheel to Major Lance, um um um um. He loved that song. Finally he pulled up to his mom's house and went inside. He had pulled out some boxes from the garage earlier and he took them upstairs. He turned on the radio in his room and looked around deciding where to start. He pulled down the pictures from the walls and most of his trophies. He took his jersey out of the frame and folded it up. While he was going under his bed he pulled out a box he hadn't ever seen. After blowing off the dust he sat on the floor and opened it up. There were at least thirty sealed letters with his name on each one. He opened up one and read it. The date on top was from his last birthday from his mom. His eyes scanned it and caught the bottom before the rest. "I hope you find these when the time is right. I want you to know how proud of you I have always been...My life would have meant nothing if I hadn't had you." Doug rubbed his chin thinking about everything. All the letters were written to him on his birthdays for the last 38 years. At the bottom of the box was a smaller envelope. He opened it up to find a small note and a silver necklace with a cross on it. The note said. "I hope you find your faith, even if it's only faith in yourself like I have for you. Love mom" Doug put it on and slid it under his shirt. "Walking in Memphis" came on the radio and Doug set the letters down in his lap. He leaned against the bed and felt the tears stream down his face. He really was loved and it made him feel good to finally know it. He pulled his knees to his chest and cried it had been the first time in a long time that he really could.

Anna finished her run and headed back up into the room. It was silent in there with him not there now. She hated herself for not going with him, but something's were better done alone. She climbed into the shower, the hot water felt good against her back. She smiled as she thought back to the fun that they had last night in here. She climbed out and pulled her wet hair up off her shoulders. She sat down and plugged her laptop into the wall connecting her to the internet. She found emails from those who were covering for her at County. Things were going well for them; they had stuck her work shift at the bottom of the email after telling her that she owned the big time. Robert was hard to work with. She just shook her head as she read it. She got up and started the coffee pot that was in their room and was soon back in front of her computer. She had been invited to speak at a conference in Boston on her last paper that she had submitted. She pulled it up and reread it before she started to put together just what she was going to present. She looked up at the clock as she reached down and pulled a notepad out of her bag. She chewed on the pen; she grabbed her reading glasses putting them on as she set in to work. This was going to keep her more than busy until he got back.

Doug finished filling up the two boxes he had brought up. He had most of his stuff and a few things of his mom's that was important, like her wedding ring. He taped the boxes closed and walked them down by the door. He took some old china they had picked out together and some photo books. In the back of one he had found a picture of his son. He hadn't seen him since he was a baby. He had been born when Doug was still in pre med school. He put the photo in his wallet. He guessed their family had kept in contact with his mother. That was another thing he hadn't shared with Anna, he was afraid to think of how she would react if he told her since she loved kids so much. Doug knew he would have been a bad father then though. He walked through the rain and set the boxes in the back of the car. He would mail them out before he left. He looked at his watch. It was a little after four, time had gone by faster than he thought. He started to drive back to the hotel when he passed the church. Mass was going to start soon. He debated what to do for a good ten minutes as he sat in the car. Finally he turned around and parked. He sat in the car for another ten minutes before getting out and walking inside. People were just starting to show up; they always got there early for a seat. Doug sat in a pew in the back and waited for the service to start as people filled in, in front of him.

Anna's stomach growled as she looked up at the clock. She had some chips from driving all over so she started to munch on them as she wrote and read. She hoped that he was doing okay. Maybe making him go by himself wasn't such a good idea. She threw herself back into her work, she was so use to using it as an excuse to avoid dealing with things that it was second nature now, she rechecked her flight times and she would get back into Chicago in time to pick up the shift that they wanted to her to work. The sooner that life got back to normal the better.

Doug sat through mass and stayed seated until everyone else was gone. After thinking for a half an hour he realized that he couldn't work out the tings he needed to sit there by himself. Doug stood up and walked back through the rain to his car. He had made an unconscious decision to go to mass every Sunday from now on, he wouldn't tell Anna, he wasn't sure he could explain it. Doug drove to the cemetery and walked through the rain until he found his mom's grave. "Sarah Ross. Beloved Wife, Mother, and Friend." the stone said. Doug stood in front of her gave longer than he meant to. He didn't say anything but he hoped she knew he was there. He looked up into the sky and smiled. Doug leaned down and kissed the stone before going back into his car. He was soaking wet and really cold, but going there was worth it. It didn't take him long to get to the hotel. He got some strange looks from the front desk as he walked upstairs to his room. 'I must look pretty bad' he thought as reached the door and looked through his pocket for the key. "Ahhh damn" he said as he realized he had left it in the room. Doug looked at the small puddle of water he was making outside the door from being so wet. Anna was going to kill him. Doug ran his fingers through his hair and knocked on the door.

Who was knocking on the door? She got up and crossed the room opening the door she came face to face with a soaking wet Doug. "Oh my!" She said as she looked at him and reached out for taking his hand, "come on let's get you warm and dry." She let go and walked into the bathroom for a towel tossing it at him. She wasn't going to ask. 'I don't want to know,' she said to herself. 'He'll tell me if he thinks I need to know.' She just sat back down in front of her laptop.

Doug caught the towel and dried his face off. "Sorry. I forgot my key." He took off his shoes and leaned over to see what she was doing. "No rest for the weary huh?"

She laughed softly, "No, not when I have to get up in front of group, can't make a complete ass out of myself. But hey what can I say the glamour of research."

Doug grinned and touched her shoulder. "Do it to it." he said walking away from her. He changed into some black slacks and button shirt. After he fixed his hair again he looked at himself in the mirror. He tucked the necklace back inside his shirt and walked out of the room. "So you hungry yet? I was thinking we could go somewhere nice."

She smiled at him, throwing her glasses down on the table and closed her laptop, "you have yourself a date, just let me get out of my jeans." She got up grabbed her bag and headed back into the bathroom. Pushing the door almost closed behind her. Thank god she had grabbed this, but then she never had fully gotten the hang of traveling with out something for every occasion that might pop up. She slipped into the dress and pulled her hair up on top of her head. She left it in a loose knot with some strands that floated down next to her cheeks. She slipped into her shoes, as she tossed her jeans and tennis shoes into the bag at her feet, and gave herself one more look over in the mirror. "Perfect. Red is your color Anna." She smiled at herself before she turned and walked out of the bathroom. "I'm ready."

Doug grinned as he saw her. A thousand compliments floated into his head...but she knew she looked good. "I think red is you're color Anna." he said taking her hand. He spun her around and brought her back close to him. "I feel a little inadequate standing next to you."

Anna looked down and blushed. "Don't, you are a very handsome man Doug Ross, and I wouldn't dream of being on anyone else's arm tonight."

Doug grinned. "I knew I could make you blush." he said giving her a quick kiss. "Now let's see...What kind of restaurants are in Kentucky? Well we have steak, steak...and probably some steak. So i hope you're feeling like cow." he said with a laugh. Doug grabbed a nice jacket and took her hand. "I think its still raining though. You ready?"

Anna could help but laugh, "Yeah sure." She reached down and picked up the wrap that she had in the other bag. "Cow...it is."


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69**

Doug walked with Anna outside where, although it was still raining, it was really light. "Stay here" Doug said jogging to the car. He got in and pulled it up to the curb for her so she wouldn't have to get wet. Once she was in he started off into town. "If I'm not mistaken there is a Mikendricks down here somewhere..." Doug said glancing around as he drove. "You better not eat like a girl...why is it that women never eat on dates?" he asked as he found the entrance he was looking for.

"Because if we ate like we did when our men weren't around, we'd never get dates." She said laughing, "that and if I ate like a guy did, I'd never get into this dress. I'm kind of partial to my skinny butt thank you."

Doug rolled his eyes. "Oh come on...i hope you really don't think that. Besides with the way you were running on that treadmill i don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm afraid I'm going to get smoked come spring when we are going to run together." Doug liked saying things about the future that involved the two of them. He pulled into the parking lot and went to open the door for her. "My lady" he said with a wink helping her out of the car. With her heels on she was almost taller than him. Doug looked at her and tried to think about it. They were seated quickly in a nook by the fireplace. Doug sat down with her and ordered a bottle of wine quietly. After the waiter left he took her hand from across the table and gave her a smile. She looked so beautiful in the candle light. "So..." Doug started at an attempt at conversation. "Tell me something new with you. What'd you do all day?"

She smiled softly at him, "I was invited to speak at a conference in Boston, I co-authored a paper last fall before I left Philly and they want us to present our findings. It's nothing much really we were working on a treatment for premature infants and underdeveloped lungs..." She looked over at him, "we need to find something other than work to talk about. Surely two very smart and brilliant pediatricians have something else in common."

Doug nodded. She was right, he was sure there were plenty of things for them to talk about. "Well I'm really into politics but i can get pretty fired up about that." he joked. He was never good at thinking of things to talk about on the spot. Most of the women he had dated in the past he hadn't seen for their conversation. "So what did you think of those little old women?" he asked taking a drink of his wine. Maybe she would have something to talk about with a little more substance. "I don't know...ask me anything you want. Ill tell you anything you want to know." after Doug said that he immediately thought, 'well not exactly' but he wouldn't let her know that.

Anna gently shook her head, "those little old ladies were rather amusing Doug. Must say that I am not used to that at all, it was an experience we shall say and leave it at that...did you play ball at UK?"

Doug smiled. "Oooh. I guess i won't leave ya alone with them anymore. Ha-ha I can get a real good mental picture of you knocking them out." he said with a laugh finishing up his wine. "Yeah i got a scholarship...not a full ride or anything but i played point guard." he put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. "I'm too short to get any further than college though. I figured medicine was a good second."

"I saw you tearing up that court. Didn't seem to bug you too much there." She heard the familiar ring tone of her phone. Walking on the sun was coming from her purse. "Excuse me for a second." She said as she flipped it open, "Anna...slow down Dan...where..what..." She put her head onto her hands, "no I'm in Lexington right now. I'll get there I promise. Soon Dan. Tell Angel I love her please..." Anna hung up the phone and fought back the tears that were stinging her eyes.

Doug listened to Anna's end of the conversation. From her tone and the tears in her eyes he knew something was wrong. He tilted his head to the side and scooted his chair closer to her. "Anna, what's wrong?"

"That was my brother." She said softly, "my...my...my niece was in an accident." She choked out. She couldn't tell him the truth, she wanted to but this was something that no one knew...only her and Dan knew...she hadn't even shared this with her ex-husband. "I have to get back to Chicago; I have to make sure she's okay. I can't be here if something happens."

Doug took her hand. He felt bad for her but she seemed awfully upset about a niece he hadn't heard anything about. "Anna I'm sure she's fine. There's nothing you can do in Chicago." Doug wanted to prevent her from making a made dash to the airport before they had all the information. The last thing he needed was to hear she was rushing and got into an accident. "Just calm down...we'll figure it out."

"You don't understand...I can't explain this to you...but I have to be there." She said as she jammed her phone back into her purse, "I have to get back to Chicago...I have to be there for her."

Doug backed up in his chair. He didn't quite see how she could need to have to go back right now...but then again he wasn't very close with his family. "ok." he said standing up. He threw some money down on the table and started for the door. "You can take my flight for Tuesday, or I can try to get you one for tomorrow."

She followed him outside, tears still streaming down her face. "I have to get there as soon as I can." She desperately wanted to tell him why, but it would hurt to bad to.

Doug stopped in front of her. "Anna..." He was going to ask what was going on but then thought she might tell him to leave it alone. He really didn't want to get into a fight with her but this was starting to annoy him. It felt like she wasn't telling him the whole truth...but he had to trust her. That's all they had. He looked up as he felt the rain come down harder. "Forget it come on..." he said taking her to the car. Once they were in Doug quickly shifted it into reverse and started down the road, forgetting to put his seatbelt on. "I can take you straight to the airport. It's about and hour or so away." he said turning the windshield wipers on high as the rain poured. After driving in silence for a little bit Doug decided he had to ask. "I never heard you mention you're niece before." he said as he sped down the highway.

Anna looked down at the floor and swallowed hard, "She's not my niece Doug, I lied to you...I couldn't handle telling you the truth, so I lied...Angel is my daughter...when I was a freshman in college I got wrapped up in a group that I shouldn't have. I went to a frat party and passed out...9 months later Angel came into the world...Dan couldn't have kids of his own so he agreed that they would raise her so that I could go on with my life and not have to worry about having to raise a baby on my own. She's my daughter...no one knows...hell she doesn't even know."

Doug couldn't believe what she was telling him. "What?" he asked in a harsh tone looking over at her. "Why the hell didn't you just tell me the truth to begin with? I thought we talked about how important honesty was."

"And I said that I wouldn't go after the secrets in your past, I assumed that it meant that you wouldn't push for mine." She spat back. "This is not something that I am proud of. I have spent the last 17 years hiding this from everyone...if she wasn't laying in a hospital we wouldn't be having this conversation right now and she would still just be my niece when you met my family. There are something that you just don't tell anyone and this was one of them!"

Her tone was pissing Doug off. His foot went down on the accelerator as he yelled back. "Oh yeah...like you get into my happy past when you followed me the hell out here! You know you have a pretty screwed up sense of reality if you think i would care that you have a daughter." Doug shook his head. He couldn't believe she lied to him about something like that. "You know that's just great that you planned on keeping this from me too...you could ask me anything and i would tell you! That's real great Anna. Now I know for sure how far our relationship is going to go!" Doug clenched the steering wheel and sped the car even faster down the wet highway.

"What are you saying Doug?" She snapped, "That because I couldn't tell you that I fucked up that's it? You don't get it do you? That I couldn't tell you not because I didn't want to but because there was too much riding on keeping it a secret, that it would probably shatter what's left of my family for this to come out into the open?" She fell back against the seat, "what do you think that this is some sick twisted game that I am playing? That I am enjoying this? Doug, slow down we are going way to fast."

"I don't know what the hell to think!" he yelled as he changed lanes to pass an 18 wheeler. "I don't know what you're doing...but lying to me about something like that isn't going to work. I mean who I would tell! So no i guess i don't get it! Maybe it's just not worth all of...THIS!" on the word Doug turned to look at her and brought one hand off the steering wheel. He changed lanes as he looked at her and didn't see the car break in front of him as he sped to 90 mph down the road.

"Fine!" She snapped back at him, "you win..." She looked up to see brake lights in front of them, "Doug look out!" She yelled.


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70:**

Doug snapped his head to the front and his eyes widened as he saw the stopped car. In an instant he slammed on the breaks and turned the wheel a hard right forgetting there was an 18 wheeler next to him. As the jeep hydroplaned from the water the momentum made it flip onto its side before it hit the back of the truck. The impact caused Doug to come out of his seat since he had no seatbelt stopping him. His body flew through the windshield and outside the car onto the wet pavement. He was knocked unconscious before he hit the ground but his body slid for a good fifty feet before finally stopping in the middle of the interstate.

Anna tried to brace herself as she felt the jeep flip and hit the back of the truck that was in front of them. She opened her eyes when she realized that they weren't moving anymore. She looked around to figure out where she was. She could get the door open so she climbed out the where the windshield would have been. Shit where was Doug. She stood up and saw him lying on the pavement; he had to have been thrown from the car. She ran over to where he was laying brushing glass from her body. She started to panic as she leaned down to see if he was still breathing. There were cars stopping all over the interstate now. "Call 911 someone, please." She screamed out as she started CPR. "Don't you leave me Doug! You have to stay here, come on baby, fight." Tears flowed down her face, "I am not going to lose you, not now. Fight Doug fight." She felt his rib crack as she pressed on down on his chest. It felt like an eternity before the medics got there, time was almost standing still for her; the ride to the ER took even longer. She stood outside the trauma room door feeling utterly and completely helpless. She couldn't do anything but wait, they had politely pointed out to her that while she was a physician she was not licensed to practice medicine in Kentucky. She let them look at the cut on her head, and the ones on her legs from kicking out the glass. Finally they let her back inside his room, as she sat next to his bed holding onto his hand. She closed her eyes laying her head down onto the rail and did the only thing she could think of, she prayed that god wouldn't take him from her and that he would wake up for her.

"Ok." Carter said as he followed her inside the place. "A shower sounds nice, but nope no shower for me right now." I'm going to lie down on the bed, but I hope you have a nice shower." "And then will you join me on the bed?" Carter asked her

"Yeah I will." Abby said they headed up the stairs. She kissed his forehead, "I won't be long I promise." She headed into the bathroom and started the shower. She slipped out of the scrubs that she was wearing and into the shower. The hot water felt good as it fell against her back. Her mind wandered back to Doug and Anna, she couldn't help but wonder if they were both okay.

Doug's doctor walked in the room to see Anna sitting there with him. "I thought you might like a report." he said as he pulled up a seat and sat down. He could tell it had been a long night for her, like with so many of his other patients. He was surprised she wasn't hurt more than she was. "All things considered, you were very lucky."

She looked up at him, "yeah, I know I am, but I need to know, please tell me what his status is?" She fought the urge to reach over and just look at the chart.

The doctor ran his hands through his hair. "Well since it appears he has no other family I can discuss his options with you...Doug broke his back in the accident. We don't know how badly it is or if he'll get function again. We need to wait for the swelling to go down. He has four fractured ribs, a small fracture in his right eye orbital and when he came in he had a small liver laceration which we were easily able to fix. He has a lot of swelling in his head, which is why he isn't awake." the doctor looked down at the chart and then back up at Anna. "It's a waiting game...worse case scenario is paralysis or...a long term coma."

Anna felt like the life had been sucked out of her right there and then. She crumpled down into the chair that she was sitting in, "oh god." This was her fault; if they hadn't been fighting he wouldn't have been distracted while he was driving. She looked at him and kissed his hand. She swallowed hard, and the tears came back into his eyes. "What are we looking at worse case, how high up is the break."

Carter fell asleep exhaustedly from the way he had gotten on the bed. It was probably because he needed to rest. He fell asleep and then he saw the warehouse he had been taken hostage in. He was having a nightmare. He started screaming in his sleep from that experience.

Abby climbed from the shower to hear Carter screams she ran from the bathroom, sitting down on the bed next to him, "shh baby I'm here, John, I'm here."

The doctor sighed. "Its right at T8 and T9 so..." the doctor knew how serious the injury was and he knew he didn't have to explain it to Anna. His beeper went off and he knew he had to go. "We just have to wait and see. Best case is nerve damage, he cracked it pretty bad." the doctor stood up and checked the intubation tube. "Feel free to come get me with anything else." he said before walking to the door. "You can stay as long as you want...but you know...it looks like you saved his life."

Carter opened his eyes, he looked frighten from the nightmare... "Abby...I...dreamt ...that... we. ...were...at the ...warehouse...again"

She nodded. She stood up and kissed his forehead. "I am so sorry baby." She hadn't saved his life, she had about killed him. She walked out of the room, looking back at him, feeling her heart breaking. She walked over to the admit area. She gave them her cell phone number, as it dawned on her that it was in the jeep. She got directions to where the jeep would have been taken. She caught a cab and headed there. After getting what she could from the jeep she headed back to the first motel where they stayed. Picking up the Doug's rental car, she then drove back to the hotel where they had been staying and packed up everything there. Throwing his stuff in the trunk of the car as she slammed it shut. 'This is not fair.' She thought to herself as she began the drive back to the hospital. He was never going to forgive her for this and she knew it. She walked back into the hospital finding his room again as she set his bags down. She kissed his forehead once more, "I love you." She said as she turned and walked out of the room. She then gave them her numbers in Chicago and asked them to call if anything changed. She explained that she had another family emergency that she had to attend to but that she would be back in 3 days. She walked out of the hospital wiping the tears from her eyes. And drove straight to the airport, to get head back to Chicago.

Abby sighed, "no we're at your house...it's over John." She wanted right there and then to tell him to suck it up. He wasn't the only that it scared. My god her and Doug could have gotten their own butts killed trying to get him out of there.

"But you and Doug also almost got killed to" Carter said to her. "I mean it's my fault. You almost got killed and Doug as well. I was...afraid...for you to"

Several hours later Doug's eyes fluttered open. He slowly looked around the room. 'What happened?' asked himself. He choked as he felt the tube in his throat. A doctor was in shortly and took it out for him. It hurt to talk...everything hurt. He was explaining his situation and sat there numb. "Paralyzed?" the thought scared him more than death. His whole life was wrapped up in being able to move. What was he going to do if that was the case? "Umm, my girlfriend was in the car...is she alright?" Doug would never forgive himself if she wasn't. He couldn't imagine why she wouldn't be here if she wasn't badly hurt. "

Yes." the nurse said. "Just a cut on her head. She left for Chicago five hours ago."

Doug sunk into his bed. How could she just leave him? He sighed as the anger surged in him. It hurt too much to breathe in any deeper. He wiped the tear from his face and closed his eyes. He was going to get better, even if it was just to show her up.

Abby leaned back against the bed, "just try and go back to sleep everyone is okay. And we will all be okay."

Anna landed at Midway and walked over to the jeep. God she was tired. She drove straight to Northwestern where her daughter was. After checking on her, seeing for herself that what had happened was life threatening. Most bumps, bruises, a concussion, and a shattered femur. She kissed her forehead and walked out of the room. This had been the longest day of her life. She checked her cell phone hoping that there would be a message from the hospital about Doug, but there wasn't. She walked down to the ER to see if they needed some help. She needed something to take her mind off everything that was going on. She didn't want to go over to county and have to see everyone who knew Doug, she didn't have any answers and she didn't want to risk bumping into Carol. She threw herself into work. Maybe if she wore herself down to the point of complete exhaustion her body would be so numb that her brain could stop thinking.

Carter leaned back against the bed and just rested his eyes, in some ways he felt Abby was mad at him. But he then fell asleep

Abby felt Carter give into sleep. She got up off the bed and went to find her cell phone to see if she could get a hold of Doug or Anna...she got Doug's voice mail...she called Anna's number...no answer there either. Whatever was going on she hoped that they were both okay.

The doctor came in after a few more hours had passed. Doug knew the drill, if he didn't feel anything now he wasn't going to. The nurse pulled the blanket back and Doug saw how badly he was scraped up. He must have slid on his left side because it was almost completely torn up. He closed his eyes as they laid him back. "Please God" he thought. "Help me out...just this once." he reached up and grabbed the cross that still hung on his neck. He felt a sharp pin prick up by his thigh and jumped. "I felt that...that's good" he said to the doctor.

His doctor nodded as he brought him back up. "You have function in your legs...but you also have severe nerve damage. Know that you're not going to be walking out of here."

Doug nodded. He didn't care what the doctors told him, he was going to get back to his normal life as soon as possible. "When can I leave?" he asked.

The doctor smiled at him. "Not for a few days. We need to..."

Doug just rolled his eyes. "Look, if I'm not going to die getting on a plane I want to go home...I will go to a hospital in Chicago. I mean I work at one for Christ's sake!" he was getting really agitated. All he wanted to do was stay in his house and have a strong drink. "We'll talk about it tomorrow." the doctor said leaving. "We will call your girlfriend for you." Doug snapped up hearing that. "No...Don't...I uh...She doesn't need to know. Ill talk to her later."


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71:**

Anna was now dead on her feet. She could feel her body start to shut down. She had made it 12 hours that was 8 more than she thought she could. She walked into the locker room at Northwestern, she didn't want to drive anywhere right now but she pulled her stuff out and headed back. She found herself in front of her apartment and not Doug's house. Oh well, she walked up the stairs to her apartment and closed the door behind her. Her entire body ached. She walked into the kitchen and pulled out the half empty bottle of jack Daniels and flopped down on the couch. It burned as it went down her throat. She could feel her body going numb...that's what she wanted...forget...forget that she had just upped and walked out on everyone. Her eyes got heavy as she sank further down into the couch and passed out.

The doctors woke Doug up early. "Let's see what you can do ace." the pt nurse told him. After a long night of complaining he figured they were ready to be rid of him as soon as possible. The medicine he had gotten had worn off and the pain in his back almost brought tears to his eyes as he sat up. One by one he draped his legs over the side of the bed. He couldn't really feel much in them except for his mid thighs up. The pt nurse handing him the crutches and tried to help him up. "I got it" Doug said as he shrugged her off. He was determined to do this on his own. He pulled himself up with his arms and forced his legs to move. Stabbing pain shot through his back and he winced taking a step forward with the crutch. "ahhh." he said sitting back down. The nurse took the crutches from him and handed him a walker. Doug shot her an evil look as he tried it again, this time with more success. After a short walk down the hall and went back into his room and spoke with the doctor. "If i call my boss at the hospital and agree to do rehab there can i go?" he pleaded. The doctors were really getting annoyed with him and he knew it. "Call her." they told Doug. "And we'll see" Doug slid back on the bed and grabbed up the phone. He dialed county's number "Can I speak with Dr. Weaver please?" He voice was rough and ragged and he wasn't sure of what Kerry was going to do but he had to try.

Kerry came to the phone. She was shocked to hear about Doug's accident. But could understand how those doctors could be getting so frustrated with him. She knew Doug wasn't one who would take it easy and push himself as hard as he could. "We can do that." She finally said to the doctor on the other end of the phone. "Go ahead and come home."

Doug smiled as the doctors told him he could leave tonight. "We are going to have to load you up on medication. You nicked your liver so you really need to be careful. You have to watch your sides too, with your ribs being broken like they are...but most of all watch your back. Don't be an ass and do too much. Just because you can move things now doesn't mean if you twist wrong you won't be stuck in a wheelchair the rest of your life." Doug nodded. He was happier now knowing that he would be going home tonight. He would sit quietly until his flight came. It was a good thing he had made his flight home for Tuesday. It must have been fate. He found his address book and looked up Abby's number. He didn't have anything important to say but he would need a ride home from the airport and he wanted someone to talk to. He found her number and listened as the phone rang. Hopefully he wouldn't wake her up.

Abby sat down on the couch as her phone rang. Carter was sleeping the last time she checked on him, "Abby Lockhart," She said as she flipped the phone open hoping that it wasn't County calling her in to work.

"Hey Abs, its Doug." he said. After slowing down a little fatigue had set in. "how it going?"

"Hey stranger." She said he sounded tired on the phone, "it's going okay. I'm at Carter's right now. I got him all tucked in and off to sleep. I was beginning to think that you had fallen off the face of the earth. Last time I talked to you, you were on you're way to the airport, what happened, everything okay?"

Doug sighed. So much had happened since he talked to Abby last. "Well it was..." he started. "I caught Anna, a lot of good that did." he said under his breath. "The short of it is I had to come home to Kentucky. My mom died the other day...Anna came with me but last night...well, we got in a fight while i was driving. I was in a car accident. I'll be ok, the doctors and letting me come home tonight as long as i check into county when i get there i just, i need someone to drive me home." he said choking up a little. "I'm pretty messed up and i was hoping you could do me a favor and pick me up since Anna left after the accident. I don't think she was even at the hospital with me...she's back in Chicago somewhere but i can't deal with her right now."

Abby was fuming, "yeah Doug, I can pick you up." She said gritting her teeth as she scribbled a note for Carter letting him know that she was going to pick Doug up and that she would be back in a few hours. "I am sorry to hear about your mom, and the accident. But I will be at the airport to pick you up." She accidentally slammed the door behind her as she headed for the jeep. "What time is your flight getting in?

Doug cleared his throat and tried to focus. He was really hurting now and tried hard not to sound like it. "Uhh two I think. I'm leaving here as soon as I get my medication's..." he stopped for a second. "Abby I really appreciate this; I know you have a busy day and things to do with Carter and all."

"Don't mention it." She said as she started the jeep. "I'll see you there." She said as she snapped her phone shut. She drove over to Anna's apartment and bounded up the stairs 2 at a time. She pounded on the door. Anna stirred from the couch her head was killing her and there was someone banging on her door. She walked over to it and looked thru the peephole. What was Abby doing here? She opened the door.

Abby bust inside, "tell me what the hell you were thinking."

"What are you yelling about Abby?" Anna said to her. "You just upped and left Doug in Kentucky. I just got a phone call from the hospital. Did you even make sure that he was okay before you left?"

Anna got silent for a minute, "what is he okay, they were supposed to call me."

"Like you care." Abby snapped at her. "What you told me that you loved him Anna. I sent him chasing after you because I thought that you both needed each other, was I wrong about that? Do you care that little you are one cold-hearted bitch?"

"Abby slow down. I was at the hospital with him. They said that they would call me if he woke up...I was going back tomorrow, I had a family emergency here that I had to take care of. I didn't just abandon him." She was losing her temper fast.

"You know what Anna just stay the hell away from him. He doesn't need you. I was wrong about you, so wrong and I never should have set him up for a fall like this."

"Don't get into my life Abby; you don't know the half of it. You weren't there. You have no idea what was going on." She yelled back at her.

"Yeah you're right I don't know the half of it. But the half I do know makes me almost hate you." Abby slammed the door behind her as she left Anna's apartment. She headed for the airport to get Doug. 

Anna sat down on the couch putting her hands between her head. It took her a few minutes to get herself pulled together. She went in and took a shower before heading over to the hospital to check on Angel one more time. She found out that they were going to be discharging her in a couple of days. This made her feel better. She left Northwestern and headed for Doug's house. Maybe Abby was right, maybe she had better stay away from him for awhile. She parked his jeep in front of his house and walked inside. She headed into the bedroom to pick up her stuff that was scattered all over the place. She found herself picking up his shirt from the bed that he had left there before taking off for Kentucky. She held onto it and let the tears fall, what the hell had she done. This wasn't what she wanted...this wasn't supposed to be like this. She curled up on the bed and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

Doug struggled through the airport. Even his loose workout pants he had on seemed 50 pounds heavy. Maybe leaving so early wasn't such a good idea. He managed to get to his gate just in time. It was hard but he had to ask for someone to help him to the gate in a wheelchair. He felt so stupid, this was mostly his fault. He finally lowered himself into his seat. He reached in his bag and took a few Demerol. He knew he shouldn't since he had problems with it before but his back hurt too badly. Doug closed his eyes for the short flight to Chicago. Finally the plane stopped at the gate. Doug waited for everyone to get off before he tried to get up. He still couldn't move his legs very well, especially his left one which was scraped up the worst. He slowly made it out with his foot dragging on the ground. Everyone was staring at him as he went through the airport. He knew it was for a good reason, he had stitches all round his right eye and road rash up his face and arms. He drug himself on the crutches to baggage claim where he could see Abby sitting down. He slowly made his way over to her, now almost exhausted. "Hey" he managed to get out.

Abby sighed when she saw him. She didn't know he had been hurt this badly. "Let's get you out of here you look like you need some sleep." She said. She looked at him as she slipped under his good side to give him someone to lean on as they headed for the jeep. "Damn it I should have kicked Anna's ass while I was yelling at her. I hope that she has half a brain to listen to me." Abby said as she opened the door to the jeep for him. "I might just have to finish what I started."

"What?" Doug asked as he sat down. He stuck the crutches in the back seat and put his bag in his lap. After Abby got in he asked her again. "What are you talking about..." he said in a tired voice."When did you see Anna?"

Abby started Carter's jeep and pulled out into traffic, "about an hour ago. She was at her apartment and I kind of went and yelled at her. She tried to give me some song and dance about being there when you were admitted and that they were suppose to call her, but that she had some family emergency. I told her that she needed to stay the hell away from you."

Doug closed his eyes. That would be yet another thing he would have to deal with now. He leaned into the soft seat, He didn't want to deal with anything right now, and he just wanted to be alone. Doug stayed silent until he could see his house down the street.

"Is that your jeep?" Abby asked as she pulled up behind it. She parked Carter's jeep and walked around to help Doug get up into the house. "I'll get you inside and into bed, I'm sure you could use some sleep."

"Yeah." he answered wondering how it got at his house. 'Maybe Anna dropped it off for me' he thought to himself. Doug grabbed his crutches and worked on getting out of the car. As much as he needed help he didn't want it. "Could you get my stuff?" he asked as he leaned against the car. He was going to wait for Abby to open his house door for him before he tried to make it up the stairs.

"Yeah," She said taking his bag. She let him work his way up the stairs, Abby thought it was odd that the door was unlocked. She took a few steps inside as she held the door opened for him.

Anna stirred in the bedroom she thought that she heard voices. She picked up her stuff as she stood came almost face to face with Abby. "What the..."

"Don't listen do you." Abby hissed as she waited for Doug to come up the stairs, "I told you to stay the hell away."

Anna took two steps back. She was almost scared by the tone in Abby's voice. "I needed my stuff and to drop his jeep off..." She stopped her sentenced when she saw Doug making his way into the house. Her heart broke seeing him so battered and bruised knowing that she was the one who had done it. He looked so tired and exhausted why was he there and not still in Kentucky in the hospital. After everything the doctor had said to her she didn't expect him to get on a plane and fly home the next day.

Doug made his way up the stairs and his heart stopped when he heard raised voices. Doug used his crutches to get into his living room and saw Abby and Anna in each others faces. "What's going on?" he asked

Anna was still taken a back by seeing him standing there. "You're okay." She said letting her breath out.

Abby crossed the room standing between Anna and Doug. "Get out of here." She kept her voice low and even. "I don't want you to upset him. He's tired."

Anna looked at Abby, "not yet."

Abby snapped...as she brought her hand up across Anna's face as hard as she could. "Bitch."

Doug's mouth dropped as he watched them fight. The was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now. "OUT!" he yelled looking at them. "Both of you." he said a little softer. "I can't...handle this right now. Abby thanks for the ride I'll see you at work, Anna..."his eyes started to tear as he looked at her. "We'll talk about this later." he stared at them as they didn't move. "Ok?" he asked harshly.

Carter opened his eyes and read the note from Abby she had gone to pick up Doug from the airport. He to was injured, that wasn't good. Maybe he could offer to have Doug stay with them. He dialed Abby's phone number to let her know he got the message. He waited for her to pick up.

Anna fought back the tears as she picked up the bags that she had dropped when Abby had hit her. "Yeah," she said softly, muttering under her breath as she walked past Abby, 'if superbitch here will let me." She raised her voice as she headed for the door. "I have to go to work anyway."

Abby looked at Doug, "sorry. I'll talk to you later." She pushed by Anna knocking her into the wall as hard as she could.

When Abby got outside her phone was ringing. She answered it as she got into Carter's jeep. "Abby Lockhart," she snapped into it. She was still upset with Anna and the tone came across in her voice.

Sorry, "John said to her. "I was just calling to see if you were ok, "he said "If you want to talk, let me know."

Doug dropped his head as they both walked out. What a mess. It took him a second but he made it to his couch. He didn't want to be alone tonight but it seemed like all his friends were more interested in fighting then being a friend. He sat down and popped some more medicine into his mouth. "What a mess" he said again. He thought about carter and realized he didn't know if he was doing alright. "Ill call him later" he told himself. An unemotional person would be good to talk to.

"I'm fine John, I'll be home in just a little bit. I just dropped Doug off at his house." She said as she pulled out from her parking spot. "20 minutes top."

Carter nodded. "Its ok Abby, I see you in a few" he told her. He then hung up and thought of Doug. He hadn't seen him in awhile, but he did owe Doug his life. So he dialed Doug's number


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72:**

Anna rubbed her shoulder as she walked towards the EL. She fought her way onto the train. She got about to Northwestern unable to stop thinking about him. She debated on whether or not to call him before she started her shift or not. She walked into the locker room there throwing her stuff into the locker as she banged it shut. Hell if he didn't want to talk to her she could at least tell him how sorry she was. She flipped open her phone and leaned against the wall. She wasn't going to get emotional...she wasn't going to cry...just give him the chance to tell her to get lost if that's what he really wanted.

"Hey," She said softly, '"before you hang up on me. I just wanted to say that I am sorry that I didn't trust you, that I did come out and tell you the truth. I'm sorry that we fought in the car, I'm sorry that I nearly killed you, and I am really sorry about breaking your ribs. I'm shouldn't have left the way that I did, and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me right now or if you never wanted to see or talk to me again. What I did was thoughtless and selfish. But I wanted to say that I was wrong, and that maybe someday you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

Doug sighed; she must have said she was sorry fifteen times in five minutes. "Anna...I'm really sorry but I can't do this right now. I don't feel very good and I'm tired." Doug knew he was going to come off like he was still upset. In a way he was but it wasn't anything that he couldn't get over with time. "I'm glad you're ok though...this wasn't your fault, I didn't watch the road." He wasn't going to blame her for the fight right now. None of them needed any more stress today, besides there would be plenty of time for serious conversations later. "I didn't ask Abby to say any of that you know." he had words of his own to say to her later.

"Yeah I know." She said, "Get better; I'll be seeing you around." She started to head out of the lounge, "I have to get to work I'm late."

"Yeah sure..." he said softly."See ya around." Doug hung up the phone and thought about her. That must have taken some courage to call him after all that. Doug was upset with her but not enough to never talk to her again. They would work it out when they both were a little less hurt.

Anna threw herself into her work. An hour into her shift at Northwestern Kerry called her asking her to work at County tomorrow. She felt bad because it was now her fault that they were short handed. Romano had agreed because of the stress Anna was under at the time to let her suspension slid. That she was grateful for. Anna groaned when she realized that she was not getting off from Northwestern until 5 and that she had agreed to be at County at 7. She finished her shift at Northwestern and caught the EL. She swung into her apartment to change clothes before heading over to County. She was tired and stopped to get a cup of coffee before heading into the lounge and flopping down on the couch. She sipped at her coffee as she noticed Susan walk in. "Hey please tell me that I am working with you today?"

Susan smiled at Anna. "If you are on this morning you are on with me." she said patting her leg. "Rough day?"

"I am on this morning, if that's what it is." She said looking at her, "little people by night, big people by day." She joked. "I just pulled 12 at Northwestern, 12 here should be a cakewalk before going back to another 12 there."

Susan looked at her surprised. "You need to take a break...that can't be healthy." she poured herself a cup of coffee. "I might have to give you a caffeine injection in a second." Susan fixed her coffee and sat down next to her on the couch. "is everything ok? you've been gone for awhile so I never got to see how you were doing."

Anna chuckled, "drinking Jerry's coffee isn't healthy either. I'm as good as I am going to be. I had some forced time off, managed to screw up my relationship which is now probably broken beyond repair, about killed Doug in the entire process." She put her head down onto her hands, "work is the only thing I have left right now. Might as well stay as busy as I can you know. Gives me less time to think about the might have been's if I stay busy. Besides the coffee is better over there than it is here. It's just easier to put other people back together right now than worry about my own messed up life." She looked up at Susan, "that and I so missed being puked on, spit at and called babe."

Susan laughed at her. "Sounds like you've got your priorities a little off to me if being puked on is at the top of your list." she joked standing up. Susan could tell her friend was having problems and she wanted to leave her with a little light before starting the day. Before he left the lounge she stopped. "Anna, just know...nothing is as bad as it seems. Nothing is certain. Now come on, if you're working today you need to get out here. Weaver might attack you with her stick! Besides drinks are on me tonight if you find time to get out." She joked before leaving.

"Weaver beating me is the last thing I need right now." Anna said as she followed Susan out of the lounge and walked over to admit. Doug had said the same thing to her just a few nights ago. She wanted to believe that this was just a bump in the road for them but she had screwed them up to bad. she knew that. It would be a small miracle if he forgave her. She picked up a chart..."oh lovely." She said as she scribbled her initials on the board, "what a way to start my morning...please tell me it's to early for psych to be backed up, because I am going in with the 80 year old pregnant lady. If a nice trauma comes in please don't hesitate to get me."

Susan smiled looking at her own chart. "Hey it's better than the 13 year old pregnant girl I've got...trade ya." she said rolling her eyes. "trust me, you'll be the first to know if something good comes in. that drink offer still holds too." she said walking away.

Anna smiled as she backed into the exam room. After 15 minutes, a few claw marks, puked on and an elderly woman now under the effects of a good dose of vitamin h. Anna walked over to the supply closet and grabbed a set of scrubs. She quickly changed and walked over to admit. She picked up the phone and called psych...this was not going to be her day.

Doug laid in bed. He couldn't stand to be in his house all day. After popping some more meds he made his way out of bed. It took him a few minutes but he managed to put on some slacks and a nice shirt. he knew peoples eyes would be on him because of his injuries, so he better look nice. he knew he couldn't drive, and really didn't want to so he put on a jacket and slung a bag with some files over his shoulder and made his way to the EL. after a short trip to County Doug used his crutches to gimped into the ER. he hurt less and it was a lot easier to use them then it had been the day before. he put his head down as he saw Anna and Susan at admit. he waited a second to make his way to the desk. he stood across from Anna and put his crutches to the side and put his backpack on the table hoping she would say something.

Anna hung up the phone. "Hi Doug." She said to him, she was surprised to see him here. "You're not on today are you?"

Susan walked out from her patient who had gotten morning sickness and saw Anna had the same problem. "look we're twins" she joked. she saw Doug and touched him on the shoulder. "good to see ya Doug." she said as she made her way to get some new scrubs.

Doug shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know...it thought it was better to do something, maybe just paperwork. I need some money pretty bad after that accident." he pretended to look at his files. he still felt awkward around her, unsure how to act. "got any peds?"

Anna laughed..."yeah but yours isn't nuts." She looked back at him for a minute. "Not at the moment. If we did I wouldn't have been in there with grandma thinking she was pregnant. You should probably just stick to paperwork anyway." She stopped herself from walking away. "Maybe we can get coffee later if you feel up to it. I mean that is if you want too, we don't have to, oh man, I had better just go, there's a LOL weak and dizzy in 2 that I should see."

"Yeah sure." Doug said. He didn't want to do paperwork though. he started looking through charts until he found something close. "19 year old with a cough... doesn't sound too hard." he said to himself. Doug stuck the chart in his mouth to hold it and stuck the crutches back under his arms. it was important to him to look strong in front of Anna. he slowly moved past her on his way to curtain two.

She shook her head muttering to herself. She glanced up as she saw an ambulance pull into the bay. She dropped the chart that she was holding and ran over to them. She helped push the gurney into the trauma room. She listened to the bullet as she threw on a gown. It was a 15 year old hit and run. As one of the medics pushed the door open she yelled, "I need some help in here!" The kid wasn't moving any air as she grabbed an et tube and got ready to intubate. She slid the tube in and checked to make sure that she had gotten it all the way in. He was circling the drain pretty fast and she needed help to get him stabilized before it was too late.

Doug heard the commotion and went as fast as he could to the trauma room. "what do we have?" he asked grabbing some gloves. Lydia helped him put on a gown and he made his way over to the side of the gurney.

"15 year old, bicyclist vs. auto." Anna said looking at him, "Intubated him but he's going south on me. I need a 16 French and 6-0 on a needle driver. This kid needs a chest tube." Anna slid the tube in and secured in into place. Before she moved to the end of the bed, "no deep tendon reflexes, babinski is negative." She said as she moved back to the head of the bed.

Doug felt the kid's belly. It was getting bigger by the minute. "he's bleeding into his belly, we need to tap it." he said trying to move to get some materials. "Lydia page surgery, get Romano down here now." Doug felt a little useless since Anna had a pretty good grasp on things but his pride got the better of him, he didn't want to be shown up. "well doctor... this is you're trauma, what do you want to order?"

Anna just look up. "Give me a 14 gauge on a 50 cc syringe." She said looking up at him, "get x-ray in here I need c-spine, get a pelvic series too. CBC, lytes, type and cross. Push steroids this kid has a spinal injury." She took the needle and tapped the belly. "I need the sonosite too." She said as she hit blood in the kid's abdomen. She looked up at the monitor. "We've got a run of PVC's. Hang 2 more O neg and push a mig of epi."

Carter got off the bed, and decided to go downstairs and watch TV, he was bored up there. He walked down using the railing with his good arm. He finally made it to the TV room, and waited for Abby to come home

Abby parked the jeep and headed inside. She was tired and irate with Anna. She flopped down on the couch next to Carter. "What are ya watching?"

Doug looked at Lydia. "You heard it, let's do it." Doug slid over by the kids head as be began to crash. "this kid need some blood. let's get it going wide open." after he wasn't stabilizing Doug grabbed a central line kit. he reached back and felt a surge of pain. "Ahhh." he gritted hit teeth together as he set the kit down. he hoped Anna didn't see that. "Anna you working on that x ray? I don't want to send him up before knowing what all he's got." Doug opened up the kit and took the needle trying to focus to put it in.

Anna threw the x-ray up and looked at him. "Damn it!" She said looking it over. "C3 is fractured so is 4 and 5...there's nerve damage here." She said as she threw up the next set. "His pelvis is fractured." Anna was having a hard time stomaching this. She turned and walked back over to the bed. "Tachycardia on the monitor."

"Not much, just surfing, do you want to watch a movie or something, or do you want to talk to me about what's going on, cause I'm a little confused what you are doing" he said to her

Abby looked at him, "what do you mean your confused by what I am doing. I picked Doug up from the airport and came back here...there's nothing confusing about that."

"Well I mean did you set him up with Anna, or did that fail, and where was Doug, and why did you have to pick him up from the airport, "he said. He couldn't ever forget that Doug had slept with his girlfriend once before.

Doug shook his head as he looked at the monitor. "V tach... God, damn it." he said. "paddles..." he said waiting for Lydia to pull it up to him."charge to 200...clear." he didn't want to loose such a young kid. Doug looked at the monitor again as it stayed the same. "250...clear"

"It's a long story Carter." Abby said, "Doug had a car accident when he was in Kentucky for his mom's funeral. And I really really don't want to talk about Anna...she's a bitch."

Carter understood. "Ok" he said to her. "Sorry, "he told her. "

Anna stayed clear while Doug shocked the kid, "you want another amp of epi?"

"I love you too." Abby said as she settled into the couch. "Why are you uncomfortable with me spending time with Doug?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be, but the last time one of my ex girlfriends was with Doug, when I was dating her, Well he slept with her" he said finally telling her what had happened, and that why it made him uncomfortable at times. "He's a good friend, but it is hard when you know that he slept with your girlfriend. I'm just afraid that's going to happen again" he said to her

Abby turned and faced him looking at him she was so serious right now, "do you have that little faith in me Carter? Do you think that I would stoop so low and cheat on you with Doug of all people? Do you not trust me?"

Carter couldn't believe how dumb he was. "I'm sorry Abby, I do have faith in you, and I know you wouldn't sleep with him. I'm such a jerk" he told her. "I should respect you better" he told her

"You got that right," She said to him, "that hurts Carter."

"Yeah" Doug said to her. "let's try this one more time... charge to 300. clear." Doug shocked him again with no luck. he stared at the monitor and rolled his neck. "the kids bleeding out, his hearts dry...you want to call it?"

Anna looked up at the clock on the way. "Time of death 11:38." She said as she yanked off the gown and snapped off her gloves. Before she smacked the doors to the trauma room open.

"Can you get a little more negative there Carter? My god you are turning into a perpetual black rain cloud. I thought I was the depressing one of the two of us." She said getting up off the couch. "I'm going outside."

Carter looked at her. "Yea but your always the one so depressed, why can't you make your self happy to. I'm not always happy either" he said angrily. "So that's what you expect of me, is to be happy" He said, He walked off in anger, and went to the kitchen to get a drink. He just needed to get his anger under control

"I have spent the last three days sitting by your side, I have watched a friend die...excuse me, and now here you think that I have the hot's for Doug Ross, oh come on Carter, you had the hots for Anna, how would you like it if I threw that in your face." Abby said as she slammed the door shut behind her.

Doug took off his gloves and tried to catch up to Anna. "Hey" he said following her out of the trauma room. "tough case...I didn't mean to step on your toes in there."

"You didn't step on my toes." She said stopping. "It's just been one of those never-ending days that's going to turn into a never-ending night."

Carter couldn't believe her, "Ah I know you were, and no you just don't have time to listen to others once in awhile." He said still steaming. He decided to get out of the house, he didn't need to be with Abby right now, and he might go and talk to Doug. He got the limo and had him taken to county, "Excuse me is Doug around" Carter said. He needed guy to guy talk. And Doug was a good friend.

Doug nodded at Anna. he couldn't think of anything to say to her so he made his way to the admit desk to do some paperwork. traumas wasn't a good idea in the shape he was in. Doug sat down in a chair in front of a computer and set his crutches to the side. he pulled up a file on the paper he was writing and started to work. maybe Anna would find him if she wanted to talk, if not he would let it go...all if it. he wasn't going to chase her anymore.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter 73:**

Carter was at the admit desk when he had asked for Doug. He finally saw him with crutches. "Hey Doug" Carter said to him, he needed to talk to him

Anna popped her head into the exam room that Susan was in, "Hey I need a caffeine break, and uhm there's someone I need to talk to... can you handle this?"

Doug looked up at him and grinned. "Hey chief what's up...glad to see you're feeling better." he said looking back at the computer.

Susan nodded. "Yeah it's pretty slow; ill give you a holler if I need you."

Anna walked back to the admit desk, surprised to see Carter standing there, "Hey Carter. Guess your busy now, so I'll uhm, just go myself then." Damn it she really wanted to talk to him.

"Yeah, but I think I screwed up with Abby" he said to him, his arm still in a cast.

Doug rolled his eyes. "I am not the one to talk to on relationship advice Carter..." Doug watched Anna walk away. He didn't know if she wanted to talk to him or Carter. "She loves you. Trust me."

Anna grabbed her coat and stopped at the admit desk, "hey Doug..." She said looking down at the ground, "I'm going over to doc's I need some caffeine really bad and well, I know your busy with Carter, but if you...oh hell can you come with me?"

Doug looked up at Carter. He could tell he wanted to talk to him. "John, you want to get drinks tonight?" he shifted his attention back over to Anna. "I'll meet you there. Just give me a few minutes ok?"

"Sure that would be great Doug" Carter said to him. "And Anna later maybe we can talk" he said to her.

Anna pulled her coat around her, "yeah." She said as she slowly made her way over to docs. She found a booth not far from the door and sat down. She had the waitress bring her a cup of coffee as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She couldn't ever remember being this tired and she had another, she looked at her watch 19 hours to go assuming that she didn't have to work at County tomorrow morning again. She closed her eyes back shut again. What did Carter want to talk to her about; she had enough on her mind as it was with out worrying about that. She needed to get back on track... get things sorted out...there was no fix for this...at least not one that she could think of...god how could she have been so stupid...she blew her one shot at being happy.

It took Doug a few minutes to get across the street but he did. "What does Anna have to talk to me about now?" he thought as he walked into docs. He saw her at a booth and winced as he sat down. All this moving was making him tired and sore. He sat down and looked at Anna for a second. After she didn't say something to him he decided to start. "What's up Anna?" he asked flatly.

She sat up a little straighter and played with her coffee cup. "Look there's no reason to beat around the bush here I guess, where do we stand Doug, do I need to get the rest of my stuff from your house, give you you're keys back? I know that you didn't tell Abby to say that stuff to me, but I know why she said it."

Doug rolled his eyes; he really didn't want to do this now. "Anna. We're both tired. If we talk about this now we are both going to say something stupid...why don't we just..." Doug had to pause before saying it. He didn't want her to take this the wrong way. "Take a break for a little bit. It'll give us both some time to think about what we want." Doug rubbed his face and set his head in his hands. He didn't know what was best for them right now. He just didn't want to get into another fight and avoiding conversations was the only way he knew to deal with it.

She was silent for a minute, "yeah sure a break." She downed the hot coffee instantly regretting it. "Why don't you put me on nights in the ER okay, I don't mind working them and that way there's a peds there all the time. I will be switching to days over at Northwestern anyway." She threw some money down on the table, "as for saying something I'll regret I already have. I might as well live up to my reputation." She turned and set the key that she had to the house back on the table. "You don't have worry about it. Take all the time that you need. I came to close to actually killing you that time. When I found you and you weren't breathing and your heart wasn't breathing I wanted to die right there, but you know what you're fine now and that's all that matters. I have to get back to work before Weaver finds out I've been away."

Doug stared straight ahead as she stood up. He didn't want his key back, he didn't want her out of his life, and he just needed a few days to get better. Why was he impossible in relationships? This one felt like it was actually going to work and then in one instant was shot to hell. He knew nothing he could say was going to bring her back right now. After a few days he would try again. Doug's hand shot out to touch hers before she left. He didn't even realize he had done it until he felt her skin. "What'd i tell ya?" he asked looking up at her. "It's my special gift...impossible relationships."

She sat back down, "no, please we are not impossible Doug. I'm not giving up; I am not walking away from you. You said you wanted to take a break...I was trying to respect that. Besides god only knows what would happen if I didn't stay away from you until you were better," she ran her hands under her eyes. "I mean the bathtub at the hotel, I cracked your head open...and now this...you can call me anytime you need someone to talk to, I'll always have time for you, okay well maybe not for the next 19 hours because I fell off my rocker and decided to play super doc. I meant it when I said that I love you and I need you."

Doug couldn't help but smile at Anna's joke. "Yeah i know" he said playing with the napkin on the table. "I just don't know what to say to you anymore...whatever, you better get back to work superman. I'd hate to make you loose you're mind and your job. If you see Carter tell him I went home, and I'm sorry but I don't feel like going out tonight." Doug didn't want to get up first. He knew it would hurt and she would see it on his face. The last thing he needed was pity from her. That's why he was weary of jumping back into something with her, even though he wouldn't say it. He just didn't know if the real reason she was sorry was because he was hurt or if she loved him.

She stood up to head back to the ER. "Just take it easy there superman. And they said that I was impatient. You would have never let me get away with this. Oh and don't smoke all my cigarettes that I left in the glove box... that's my stash." She stood at the end of the booth for a minute. She leaned over and kissed the top of his head, and whispered in his "Remember that no matter what life is uncertain but the one thing that is certain is that I love you." She gave him a small wink before she headed outside and darted back towards the hospital.

Anna's comment made Doug grin. He'd get over it, he had to. After a second he went to get up and made his way outside. Doug decided it was best to call a taxi. A $15 dollar back ride later he was back at his house and on his couch. KU was playing LSU so he lay down to watch the game. Maybe he was wrong for thinking that she just felt bad, but he wouldn't ever know. The last thing he remembered was them breaking up in the car before he jammed on the breaks...then he was alone in the hospital. "Whatever, I'll figure it out" he told himself out loud. He always did this. When things got good with someone he looked for reasons to end it...his fear of commitment kicking in. Doug looked at his watch, it was just barely noon. Although he hated the thought of staying at home the whole day he needed to. After Kentucky pulled ahead Doug closed his eyes just for a moment, and fell asleep.

Anna went back into the ER. She went into the lounge and called Northwestern and found someone to cover for her. She really didn't feel like putting in another 12 hours or like going home to an empty apartment. She went back to work. She was going thru the mail in her box. She opened up an envelope and instantly knew it was from her brother... courtside bulls next week and passes to the players club. She scribbled a quick note telling him to have fun with them and threw them into Doug's box. She hadn't turned down a bull's game in a long time. She glanced up at the clock, took a couple more patients and finally bumped into Susan at the admit desk. She only had a couple more hours left. "Hey there, I was wondering does that offer for drinks still stand." She asked as she placed a chart in the discharge rack. "I am free tonight after all and I don't want to go home." She smiled, "if you promise to make sure that I get home in one piece, girls night out, drinks are on me." Maybe going out she would be able to at least for a little while forget about everything that was going on. Get her mind of the mess that she had made out of her relationship with Doug. As much as she wanted to believe that they stood a chance, the conversation over at Doc's didn't go well at all. She might as well try to avoid him the next few days... give them a break from each other. Maybe when he was feeling better, better from the car accident that was her fault...she might not have been driving but if she hadn't picked that exact moment to come clean with him they wouldn't' have been arguing, he wouldn't have been upset and distracted. Trust and honesty weren't exactly up her alley right now. Maybe he was right, that after walking away from her marriage with Max, no matter how hard she tried she was never going to be happy. Four years of lying and hiding had taken their toll on her. While there might not have been any scars on the outside, there were plenty on the inside.

Susan smiled at Anna. "Sure she said signing a chart."Just let me finish up here with this last patient and I'm all yours. You have any place in mind to go to?" Susan was always up for a fun night out and she could tell Anna needed it.

Susan laughed as she walked to her last patient. "You kidding! I live for karaoke!" Susan quickly wrote a script for her patient and emerged. "Is this casual or are we going to try and pick up guys?" he asked looking down at her own outfit. "I need to know for style reasons." she joked

Anna looked down at her own scrubs, "Oh this outta attract guys." Doug briefly crossed her mind, "oh hell let's go have some fun and find some men. My apartment is just down the street, so if you want I can meet you at yours or we can meet someplace else." She wasn't sure if this is what she should be doing...but it was his idea for them to take a break not hers.

"Alright..." Susan said. "Well give me the address of this place and ill meet you there. I am going to take the el since i will undoubtedly be consuming some alcohol..." he joked grabbing her jacket. "I'm glad you decided to take tonight off, this should be fun."

"Okay I can meet you there." Anna picked up a piece of paper and wrote the address down. "Here if either of us gets to out of it, you can always crash at my place since it's not far." She grabbed her coat and threw it on. She walked out of the ER. She was actually looking forward to going out. It would give her a chance to get to know Susan better. She pulled her coat tighter against her body as the wind was blowing now. She walked up the stairs to her apartment and walked in. She turned up the heat noticing that it was cold in there. She had dumped her clothes all over the floor this morning as she sorted thru trying to find something to wear. She finally settled on the good old stand by, the little black dress. She started the shower and looked at herself in the mirror. She had small bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. She shed her scrubs and climbed into the shower letting the hot water run over her. She found her mind drifting back to the fight in the car. No they had broke up, she was pretty sure of that. She climbed out and flicked her stereo on to break the silence of the apartment and to keep her mind from wandering anymore as she put on her make up and got dressed. After finally deciding to leave her hair down she walked out and found a jacket that didn't look to stupid with her dress. She picked up her keys and headed down to the bar. She walked inside and found a table to wait for Susan. She couldn't help it, her mind wandered back to Doug. He wouldn't want her sitting at home; surely he wouldn't be upset that she had gone out with Susan. It was his idea take a break, they never actually said that they were exclusive. Now was not the time to be worrying about this. She wanted to have a good time and not drag Susan down with her problems; she had listened to her enough. She was going to forget about things. She didn't think that anyone would actually hit on her. Matt, the bartender was a friend of hers thru her brothers, he came over and Anna struck up a small conversation with him, before she asked him to bring her a sex on the beach. He brought it over to her and then went back behind the bar. The place wasn't crowded, but then she didn't expect it to be in the middle of the week.


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter 74:**

It didn't take Susan long to get dressed and back down to her car. She was looking forward to going out; it had been awhile since she had been out with friends. Susan walked into the bar in her favorite black dress. She smiled as she saw Anna sitting at the table. "Guess we're twins again." she said sitting down. "Not too many people here tonight...oh well its still early." Susan ordered a Manhattan and leaned back in her chair. "Well, you look better than you did this morning. Did you fix whatever was wrong?"

Anna looked at her, "there was nothing there to fix. He wants a break, so I gave him back his key sucked it up and now, I guess that makes me divorced and single." Anna said lifting her glass, "here's to the single life."

Susan raised her glass. "Cheers to that." she said taking a sip. "Good old Doug...he's good for a good time and a hell of a friend but he's never been good at commitment. It's alright Anna...there are plenty of guys to pick from...maybe not here, but we'll find ya one."

Anna just smiled as she pointed behind the bar. "The tall dark one is Matt, and the one sitting there near to him is Ben." She couldn't help but giggled now. "I happen to know that Ben is completely single and wait until he bends over... I'm telling ya eye candy. He'd be perfect for you. If you don't mind that he's a professional snowboarder." She took a sip from her glass, "I'll find something. Maybe Matt and I can give it another go around."

Susan turned to look at the two men. "Anna...i need to meet more of your friends! What are we doing sitting here? You have to introduce me!" he said pulling her up and towards the bar. Susan sat down and flipped her hair to one side waiting for Anna to say something.

Anna sat down at the bar with Susan. "Matt hey tequila sunrise please." She walked over and stood next to Ben. "Hey there handsome." She said. "Well hey there Anna baby." She jumped when Ben picked her up. "Still kicking Nate's butt are ya?" She said turning to Susan, "this is a friend of mine, Susan Lewis, Susan this is Ben Jefferies. He's on my brother's snowboarding team." She said standing back and watched as Ben put his hand out, "pleasure to meet you Susan."

Anna turned her attention back to Matt. "Thanks, hey if I warm up your stage you going to buy me a drink?" She asked. She smiled back at him when he said that he would. She watched Ben and Susan for a minute before walking over to the karaoke guy. She stood there for a minute before she found something to sing. There bar was starting to fill up as she took the mike and started to belt out Sweet Dreams.

Susan shook his hand as she flirted with him. She leaned into him as they watched Anna get up and sing. She was really good. Susan was glad that they had decided to go out. It sounded like Anna needed it more but Susan was always up for a good old fashioned casual relationship. She pulled Ben to the dance floor as Anna sang. Hopefully the two of them wouldn't be there much longer, Susan wanted to spend some time alone with her new guy.

Anna smiled when she saw Ben and Susan out on the dance floor. She finished and winked at Susan as she bounced over to the bar and started flirting with Matt who was getting off his shift. Anna smiled as he sat down and joined her for a drink. This was shaping up to be a good night after all. She hadn't eaten all day and soon found the alcohol going straight to her head. She was a little more open and flirtatious than she would have been otherwise. She soon found herself inviting Matt back to her place. She leaned against him as he wrapped his arm around her to steady her as they headed for the door. She looked around to let Susan know they were leaving but she seemed wrapped up with Ben. Maybe a casual relationship with no strings was what she needed right now.

Anna awoke with a splitting headache to her alarm. She went to stretch to find herself in someone's arms. Oh man she had invited Matt back to her place and it was him who was there next to her. She got up and showered and dressed to go into the ER. Matt was ready when she got done and said that he would walk with her to the hospital since he was going to catch the EL anyway. They got coffee and headed inside. It was almost 10 now. She stood outside the lounge door. "Dinner tonight would be great. I should be off at 7 I am only working an 8 today, if you want to pick me up at 8." She said as she wrapped her arm around him pulling him into a hug. She felt him kiss the top of her head. She smiled when he told her that would be okay. "8 then," she said as she headed into the lounge to her locker.

Doug had woken up on his own and wanted to go in and work on his report. He took a taxi and used his crutches to get into county. As soon as he walked through the door he was surprised to see Anna with some other guy. They way they held each other made him jealous. How could she find someone else so quickly? Maybe he hadn't meant all that much to her after all. Had he been right? Doug went past her and screwed on a fake smile. "Morning Anna." he said before she went into the lounge. Susan had a good night. She and Ben had gone to get coffee after a late night of dancing and she had gotten his number. She arrived right after Doug did and saw Anna and matt in the hall. "Anna I owe ya one for last night!" she said smiling at them both and not seeing Doug. "Looks like you guys had fun too." Susan turned to check and saw Doug at admit. "oh...morning Doug." she said as she turned back to Anna and mouth 'sorry' "i better get to work" she said running off to curtain three

Anna threw her stuff into her locker and headed over to admit. She was smiling and actually happy after last night going out made her feel a lot better. She had been friends for so long with Matt it felt nice to have someone to talk to. And he had been so sweet making sure that she got home okay. He had held her hair out of her face when she had thrown up. He had spent the night there because it was late and Anna didn't want to be alone. "Morning Doug," She said as she pulled on her lab coat, and looked thru the rack, she sipped on her coffee, and Weaver wasn't standing right there so she was dragging her feet, "how are you this morning?"

Doug looked up at her fro the computer. "I'm alright...same old you know?" he said clicking with the mouse. He wanted to ask who the hell that was but it wasn't any of his business. 'I don't care anymore' he told himself. 'She's moved on and so will i' "sorry about not switching you to nights yet...i need someone here during the day until i can work again. I decided after yesterday not to do any actual patient care for awhile." he said actually breaking his eyes from the computer. "Hope I'm not messing with any of your plans."

"Not a problem, you're the boss. Your probably right about patient care, you wouldn't want to overdo it." She said as she picked up a chart. She glanced over the schedule. It wasn't anything that she couldn't handle; she had the day after tomorrow off. Maybe Susan would want to go up to the mountain with her Nate, Ben and Matt would be practicing up at the cabin and it had been a long time since she had been up on the mountain with Nate. She waited for Susan to come out from being in with a patient; she could care less if Doug knew she was going. After all it's not like there was anything remotely romantic between her and Matt. They had been friends for a long time. He had taught her to snowboard what it was now 10 years ago. Matt was one of her brother's friends, not really serious dating material, but a strong shoulder to cry on. Right now she just wanted someone to hang with, go out and have fun with. She wasn't over Doug yet, she didn't know if she ever would be. Her best friend was a guy so what no big deal. That's what she had grown up around. Doing nothing but hanging with the guys, trying to be one of the guys.

"Hey Susan," Anna said when she emerged from curtain three, "I'm off day after tomorrow and I'm headed up to the mountain to play with the boys. There's a hot tub in our cabin, and if I know those boys a well stocked bar, and its paid for by their sponsor," Anna rolled her eyes as if to say going alone would be the death of her, "please don't make me go alone, I'm sure Nate has a million and one embarrassing stories that he's dying to tell. I need someone there not to laugh when I fall flat on my face coming down that hill. It's been awhile since I've boarded." She laughed, "Another doctor up there wouldn't be a bad idea. And I promise to have you back before you have to work again. Please..." She drug out the word please, almost begging not to have to go alone.

Susan was shocked at the offer. It sounded like a good time to her. "Well...i guess. Just so you don't have to go alone." he joked. "I have never boarded so you'll have to laugh with me on that one too...sounds great though. Check back with me later and ill make sure i can go." she said setting her chart down and picking up another. "God it's like morning of triage...no major accidents just boring stuff." she added not finding anything interesting in the charts. She grabbed an ear ache and headed off to exam two. "Thanks again Ann...This should be fun."

Doug rolled his eyes when he heard Anna talk about her plans. He didn't know if she was trying to make him feel bad about what happened or just get him back but he didn't care, it wouldn't be hard for him to find a casual relationship and then he would really be over it all. He wasn't petty enough to book her for the day she said she was planning on leaving but he would still have to find someone to fill in...Maybe he would take the shifts and see how it went. Doug started to type out the first draft of his paper and read over what he was saying. It didn't make much since he was trying to overhear Anna's plans so he deleted it all again.

Anna watched Susan walk away and she grabbed her chart and headed off. She just had to stay busy for the rest of the day, that shouldn't be too hard. She headed into curtain 2, a youngster with a rash, ah, the joys of being a pediatrician. The baby had a fever was sweating and pale. She sent off a **CBC**. After a half hour she had her labs back she walked over to where Doug was sitting. This was not the news that she was expecting and was not looking forward to breaking it to the parents of this little girl, "Doug I have an 18 month old in 2 labs show A-L-L white count is over 60 thousand and 50 percent blasts, do we have a peds oncologist upstairs?" She said tossing the chart on the admit desk and she ran her hands thru her hands; "I'd like to have them down before I give the parents the bad news."

Doug looked up at her breaking his concentration. She was right, that news wasn't good. He thought about it a second before answering. "I don't think there is anyone from peds but i can find out...if not you want me to help you out?"

"No," she said turning and walking away the smile fading from her face as she headed away from the admit desk, "I might not be able to do anything else right, but I think I can manage to my job with out having my hand held."

Doug shot her a look as she raised her voice to him. Dating in the workplace had never been a good idea when people's feelings got hurt. "Hey..." he said low but strong."I was just offering my help." He may have been her lover and her friend but at work he would always be her boss. As much as he hated it he couldn't have her talking to him like that in front of other doctors and patients. Doug knew she was still upset, but since she showed up with another guy he had figured she had moved on...apparently not.

"I asked you for the name of a peds oncologist." She said, "Not to help me consult my patient, I can handle that on my own." She took a deep breath and walked into the room.

Doug rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'Boy she has a problem' he thought to himself. If it hadn't been for his current state he would have gotten up right then to discuss it with her, but he thought, for right now at least, he'd let it slide. Doug looked up the number for oncology and called someone down for a consult like Anna had asked. They were a little backed up but said they'd be down shortly. 'Maybe that'll make her happy' he thought. The last thing he needed was another workplace fight to deal with.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter 75:**

Anna finally was able to get out of the room. After carefully explaining things to the parents. It was a lot for them to have to take in. She walked out of the room with her arm around the mother's shoulders. She was talking softly to her trying to be as reassuring at supportive as she could. She let go of her long enough to put the chart into the nurse's rack, and then continued walking with her. Normally she wouldn't have spent this much time with a patient's family, but this was special case. She sat down with her on the bench giving her a shoulder to cry on.

Doug let Anna sit with the mother for a few minutes. He knew how important it was for them to be with someone, but that was a big part of why the nurses were there too. "Dr. Del Amico." he said to her motioning for her to come over to the desk. "Can I speak with you a moment?" He just wanted to let her know he had called peds and to get back to work as quick as possible...he was careful to keep his voice soft though, making sure he didn't come off like he was talking down to her.

Anna rolled her eyes and hugged the mother once more, "if you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask me." She walked over to the desk, "what."

Doug made a face at the tone of her voice...this was going to be a long day. "I just wanted to tell you that oncology is a little backed up but they are sending someone down within the hour." Doug bit his lip, he knew he shouldn't say it but she was really starting to piss him off. "We're getting a little backed up so when you get a chance...you want to grab another patient or two?"

"Yeah sure whatever." Anna said as she picked up two charts not even looking at them until she had her back to him. And started to walk down the hall.

Doug had it...she was beyond the point of being disrespectful and he was going to figure out what was going on. "Anna!" he called after her. "What's your problem? Is there something i should know about?"

She wasn't sure why, but she decided to ignore him for a change...she just walked into the suture room and sat down with the patient. He had a nasty lac from trying to open a pickle jar the hard way. She started to clean it and stitch him up.

Doug shook his head as she kept walking. Susan came by to put her grab another chart and saw the expression on his face. She thought she knew was it was about so she didn't ask. "So how are you doing Doug?" he turned to look at her and smiled. "Pretty good. I'll be better when I get off of my crutches and back to normal...and when people learn to grow up." he said sarcastically turning back to the computer.

Susan decided then to let him be. "Ok...I'll see you later then." she said touching his shoulder. She grabbed another chart and headed into the suture room where she saw Anna. Susan had to fix a small baseball injury and was glad for the company. She knew Doug was talking about her and Anna looked awfully pissed so she decided to add some levity. "Looks like its fate for us Anna. We always seem to be in the same place at the same time..." she said with a smile before talking to her patient. After prepping him she started with Anna again. "I'm kind of feeling like I'm back in high school with all the drama teenage angst today."

Anna just sighed as she tied the last knot on her patient's hand. "Keep it dry, and come back in 5 days to have them taken out." She said as she pulled off her gloves. "Sorry Dr. Lewis, it's just one of those days." Anna said maintaining some form of professionalism in front of the patient. She got up and walked out of the room she signed the chart and put it in the discharge rack. She wasn't even going to give him a chance to say anything to her. She was short, snippy, and not happy anymore. Time wasn't going to go fast enough for her to get out of there. She noticed that her patient's mother was still sitting where she had left her. She tossed the chart back and walked over to her once more, sitting down next to her.

Susan sighed as Anna left the room...she was awful short today. Doug noticed her walk back out and kept his head down typing. If she wanted to say something to him she would, otherwise he was just going to leave her alone. He didn't know what her major issue was, she seemed fine yesterday, but he didn't really care. He was over it...they had broken up...and it was done. Doug finished the last paragraph of his paper and went to print it. He was proud of himself that he had gotten it done in only a few days and now he could be out of here right around lunch. He hoped Anna got over whatever was making her been so annoying. He had no problem being her friend.

Anna took her back to her daughter's room and walked into the lounge for a cup of coffee. The rack could wait five minutes for her to have a cup of coffee. God she was moody today. It hadn't taken much to set her off. She felt like any minute she would just snap like a twig. She leaned against the lockers taking two minutes to herself. Anna enjoyed the quiet for a few minutes before Kerry came in and started in on her about how she wasn't paid to stand in the lounge drinking coffee when she was on the clock. Anna put her head back put the coffee cup in the sink and on the way out should have kept her mouth shut but couldn't, "I'm entitled to a break every now and then Dr. Weaver. Just leave me alone." As she slammed the lounge door behind her on the way out. She grabbed a chart and went back to work.

Doug saw Anna storm out of the lounge and Weaver follow shortly there after. A slight grin crept onto his face as he guessed what happened. "I didn't do it." he joked stacking his papers together. "I'm just about out of here anyway...unless you need me to do anything else. I just finished the research paper for the grant." he said holding it up.

Kerry looked at him. "Glad to hear that you finished your grant paper." She smiled. "She's your problem though. I have a meeting with Romano. Keep your doctors in line. Deal with it." She said as she headed for the elevator.

Doug sighed as Weaver left. 'Great' he thought. 'Just when i was about to go home' Doug wheeled around in the chair to find the pager numbers. He was so glad he had a mobile seat; it made life so much easier. He found Anna's number and paged her back to admit. 'As long as i keep it professional it will be ok' he told himself. 'I can straighten her out and be on my way... nothing messy' at least he hoped.


	76. Chapter 76

_A/N: as to the question about the board, the administrator is temporarly away. If you have any questions email me and I'll try and answer them. Here's the next chapter hope that you enjoy it. There's much more to come._**  
**

**  
Chapter 76:**

Anna was fishing a jelly bean from a 4 yr olds nose when her pager went off. She was smiling again as she walked out. As she walked over she ruffled the kid's hair, "okay sport nothing bigger than you're elbow in your nose. Jelly beans go in here." She poked at his stomach. She walked over to admit, she was starting to feel nauseated, standing next to Doug as she signed her name on the chart for discharge, "sorry I didn't come right away but I almost had the jelly bean when you paged. What can I do for you Dr. Ross?" She had been on emotional rollercoaster all morning and was now feeling really green around the edges. She could feel her stomach start to protest as she looked up at Doug. She closed her eyes hoping to keep her stomach quiet for a couple minutes longer as she leaned heavily on the desk.

Doug looked up at her noticing that she didn't look very well. "Anna, is everything alright? Besides looking a little sick...i just got an earful from Weaver about your behavior." he spoke calmly and quietly but he wanted her to get the point. ""Look, I'm just saying whatever it is you need to control it... fix it...but do something because I'm your boss and Weaver's mine. I don't need any extra stress right now." Doug already had to fix the budget, finish his research grant and find a way to get more supplies, the last thing he wanted was his doctors getting in fights with him.

"Oh god," She squeaked as she threw up hand up over her mouth she turned and got almost to the bathroom before she lost it in one of the biowaste containers.

Doug rolled his eyes back in his head. "Great" he said gathering his stuff. "Anna...go home"

She just walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She was run down and tired. She was going to finish this shift if it killed her, if Doug could be here working after everything he had been thru, she was going to let a stomach bug stop her. She looked in the mirror. Yikes, she rinsed her mouth out before heading back towards admit. "I owe you an apology for my behavior earlier...it won't happen again. I can finish my shift." Anna picked up a chart from the rack.

"Why don't you just go home? You look like you could use a little rest anyway...it's not a big deal. I'll call someone down." he said slipping on his jacket and stuffing the files into his bag. "Thanks for your apology though."

"I'll be okay. I'm a doctor, I'm always tired." She said walking down the hallway. Where had she heard that line before?

"Boy that sounds like me." Doug said to himself before finishing packing his things. As much as he liked to pretend that Anna going out with another guy didn't bother him, it really did. He drummed his fingers on the desk thinking for a moment. After a second he straightened up his tie and slowly made his way over to docs on his crutches. He would be glad when he was done with them. Doug went in and sat down at the front counter. He only noticed later a very pretty looking blonde sitting three seats down. He smiled at her while he took a menu. 'don't even think about it Doug' he told himself...as much as he knew it was wrong, something in him wanted to get back at Anna.

Anna stood at the admit desk for a minute, before she went and chased down Susan, "do you have a minute to help me with a blood draw?"

Susan looked up surprised at the question. Blood draws weren't very hard unless it was on a drug user or something. "Yeah of course" she said walking with her. "Deep veins or something?"

"No mine." She said to her as she walked into an empty exam room, "I'm feeling really run down and more tired than normal and well I'm sorry about this morning."

Susan nodded. "Hey don't even worry about it..." she was a little hesitant to ask but thought as her doctor and her friend she should."Are you thinking anything in particular? I mean... what tests should I send off for?" she asked nonchalantly as she prepped Anna's arm and stuck in the needle. Susan hoped there wasn't something seriously wrong. She couldn't loose another friend, and she and Anna had been getting along so well.

"Just a CBC make sure that I'm not coming down with something," Anna said to her as she lowered her voice, "pretty run a pregnancy test on it too."

Doug picked at his food and looked over at the woman smiling again. "Quick lunch break?" he asked. She just smiled back at him and nodded. Doug, not being one to give up so easily tried for another question. "Man doc's has been here forever...its close to work." he said pointing over to the hospital. "Do you work around here." the woman just nodded again and rolled her eyes. Doug sighed and went back to his food. 'Strike two' he told himself. After a few minutes the woman got up to leave but surprised him when she walked over and handed him her card. "My name's Allison...call me sometime." Doug took it and smiled. 'Homerun' he thought

Susan nodded and she signed the chart. It was none of her business. "Ill get these back to you soon ok?"

"Thanks Susan." Anna said getting up, "page me would you. I think I will feel better once I know."

Susan sent the blood up to the lab on a rush order. She knew her friend would like to know ASAP. She started to get back to work and was picking through the charts to find something interesting when she grabbed up a fairly interesting case of object lodging...well more or less. Susan smiled as she looked at the chart. "Who gets a bucket stuck on their head?" she asked out loud as she went into exam one

Anna picked up a chart. She had overheard Susan and was laughing as she walked into another room. Which she almost instantly regretted. She would have rather had the bucket. What was today foreign object day? She had already retrieved a jelly bean from the nose and now she was standing there listening to a man explain why he was beeping. She spent about 15 minutes trying to rectify the situation before walking out of the exam room, beeper in a baggie. She laughed as she wondered out loud, "do I send this down to medical records or put it in Carter's retrieval bin?"

Susan walked out with the bucket and found Anna with her baggy. "Wow wha...I change my mind I don't want to know." she said joking. "I'm glad I found you anyway, I got a page from the lab...they said the tests are back so you can go pick them up." she said with a small smile before going to put the bucket away. "Hey Anna?" she said turning around. "I'm here if you need to talk." saying that Susan kept walking a grabbed for another chart, hopefully one without some strange object attached to it.

Anna smiled, "thanks." She said as she headed for the lab. She walked inside, "I need the results for the blood work for Anna Del Amico." She said to the tech as she waited for him to hand them to her. She took them and walked out of the lab. She took a deep breath as she read them as she walked. When she got back to admit she tossed them into the trash can, it was not news that she needed right now. How was she going to tell him, this wasn't something that would come up, and she surely couldn't just walk up to him and announce it like it was something they were hoping for? She sat down to finish up the pager boy's chart.


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter 77:**

Susan walked out of the curtain with vomit all over her and crossed admit to get to the supply closet. "I change my mind...ill stick to foreign objects." she said with a laugh going in to change her shirt. Susan noticed Anna looked a little distressed. After she changed she came and sat down next to her, not saying anything, just reading a chart. If she wanted to talk she would.

She looked up at Susan, she knew that she could trust her, Susan had been nothing but a true friend since Anna had started back at County. "I have the worst knack for bad timing. I'm single, alone; god only knows what he's going to think. I should have been more careful." She looked around the admit area as she wiped tears from under her eyes, "and I know I shouldn't be saying any of this out here for the world to hear."

As soon as Susan saw the tear under her eye she grabbed Anna's hand. "It's slow. We can hide out in the lounge for a second." Susan led the way; thankfully no one was in there at the moment. She sat Anna down on the couch and put her hand on her shoulder to let her know she was listening.

"I don't know what I am going to do, this can't be real. I can not be having a baby." She said as she buried her face in her hands. "I mean I am going to have to tell Doug but I don't know how, I don't even know what I want right now."

Anna's words almost blew Susan away. Doug was going to be upset, especially since they had just broken up, but she wasn't going to tell her that. "Well...I've know Doug a long time. I know he'll be behind you on whatever you choose to do...and just know that, this is your choice, not his." Susan rubbed her back for a second. It just seemed like nothing good had happened for Anna since she came to Chicago. "You just need to wait until you get under control, wait for the right time when you're both a little better and sit down and talk to him. I know he'll understand."

"I know he's going to be upset." She said remember there conversation at the sandwich shop, "cross that bridge when we get there. This is so messed up. I know I said I wanted to go up to the mountains, but I suppose snowboarding isn't something that I should be doing right now. And I need to work anyway. I need something to take my mind off this right now."

Susan just nodded. "Ok..." she said standing up."Hey I think I saw some fun cases in the rack. I'm sure they're still there since no one seems to be working today besides us." Susan said opening the door for Anna. "We can all get drinks sometime later with our guys...things will get better, they always do."

She stood up, "you and your guy. You don't think that I am dating Matt do you?" She asked looking at Susan.

Susan turned at the question. "Oh i thought you were. I...i mean he went home with you last night and you guys seemed close this morning...i think everyone thought you had a new guy." Susan meant Doug by everyone she just didn't want to say it.

"Well huh yeah we are close, we've known each other for forever. He's my best friend; I could never seriously date one of my brother's friends. I learned that when I was younger." She said walking towards admit, "We didn't do anything. I went home threw up a couple of times and he didn't want to be alone. We are more of hang out buddies than anything else. Oh man," Anna said as it dawned on her, "if you think that then Doug thinks that I, oh great."

Susan gave a weak smile. She didn't mean to make Anna have to worry about that too. "I'm sorry...he might not have even noticed. He was working at typing and all." Oh hell she didn't even believe that one. "You could always add that to your list of things to talk about." She said trying to joke. "Just call him later...it might be good for you two to talk a little."

"Yeah right." She said as she picked up a chart and headed off. The rest of her day flew by fast. She made her way to her locker a little after seven and headed home. She was supposed to be going out to dinner tonight. But she really didn't feel up to it. She called Matt and cancelled on him. She said that she would meet up with him later, saying that she was under the weather. She turned on the fireplace and sat down in front of it. She didn't know what she was going to do. Maybe she did just need to talk to Doug and explain that she and Matt were only friends. She had some stuff over at his house that she needed him to bring into work so that she could have it. She reached over and picked up the phone. She dialed his number, hanging up before it rang. She stared at the phone for what must have been another half hour at least. She wanted to call him and get things out in the open but she didn't know what she would say to him. She hated not coming out and telling him the truth now that she knew, but the time wasn't right. She needed them both to be level headed and able to carry on a serious conversation. That and she wasn't going to drop it in his lap over the phone. What she had to tell him was something that she needed to say to him face to face. She finally found the courage once again dialing his number and waited; if she was lucky she'd get his machine and wouldn't have to talk to him. Anna heard the familiar sound of his greeting on the machine, "Hey Doug, it's Anna, I was wondering if you could just bring what stuff I have left at your house to work and I can get it there from ya. I was also hoping that you could maybe put me down for a few doubles...I know that your budget is probably pretty tight, but hey uhm, I'm volunteering the hours. Anything over 40 is fine I can do it off the clock. I also have a feeling that you got the wrong idea about me this morning. You said we needed a break and I wanted someone to hang with, nothing more. I was hoping that maybe sometime in the next couple of weeks you and I can get together. There's some stuff that I need to talk to you about." She hung up the phone, tossing it on the coffee table, and laid back against the couch. It was warm in front of the fire place and she felt her eyes getting heavy. 'I'll just close them for a minute.' She said to herself as she drifted off to sleep.

Doug had gone home after Doc's. After he had gotten himself cleaned up he called the number on the card. He was surprised when the woman remembered who he was and agreed to have drinks with him later. Doug put on a nice suit and downed more pain killers then he should have. He really didn't want to go out with anyone, but he didn't want to feel lonely even more. After realizing that it hurt way too much to walk without his crutches he sucked it up and grabbed them. 'pride is an awful thing' he thought to himself as he made his way to the el. after two hours of drinks and flirting Doug had a date for Saturday with a pretty paralegal originally from new jersey. Scotch and pain killers weren't a very good combination and by the time he got home he wasn't feeling too well. Doug walked into his house and saw the message machine light blinking. Doug sighed as he listened to Anna's message. He looked at the clock; it was too late to call her back 'probably better' Doug thought as he headed for his bedroom. He would see her soon enough anyway. Maybe he would get Allison to have lunch with him tomorrow...he still didn't believe her about the guy. After lying in bed for a half an hour Doug couldn't fall asleep. He couldn't get his mind off of Anna. 'She sounded upset. What could she have to talk to me about?' he asked himself. As far as he was concerned, after the past few days, their relationship was over.


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter 78**

Anna didn't hear her alarm until it was past seven. She bolted off the couch and ran in brushing her teeth as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt. She grabbed a thing of crackers as she rushed out the door. Thanks god she wasn't far from County. She ran inside and threw her things into her locked. She put the crackers in her lab coat pocket and tried to straighten herself out the best she could. She looked up at the clock she was over 30 minutes late when she finally made her way to the admit desk to get her day started.

Doug had gotten up early since he couldn't sleep. He had been in long before Anna showed up late. He looked at the clock when she came out of the lounge and up to admit. He didn't say anything to her at first, just kept working on the budget report. He caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. 'God she looks like hell. Maybe she's still sick' he thought to himself. After a few minutes he spoke up, not breaking his gaze from the report he was reading. "Are you feeling any better?" he asked casually. "I don't want you throwing up down the hall today."

Anna froze her in tracks about choking on her cracker. "Yeah, I'm absolutely peachy today Dr. Ross, thanks for asking." She answered. "Can't make any promises about not throwing up in the hall." She grabbed a chart from the rack as she shoved the last of the cracker into her mouth. As Anna started to walk away she rolled her eyes, "oh what I wouldn't give for a cup of coffee."

"Hey Anna." Doug said to make her stop in the hall. he was a little upset about her not saying anything about being late...and he couldn't figure out why all of a sudden she was calling him Dr. Ross. Was she trying to make him dislike her even more? "Since you're feeling better, try to add punctuality to your list too." he said in an overly sarcastic tone.

Anna bit down on her lip. She took in a couple of deep breaths, how she would have loved to have told him where to shove it since it was partially his fault that she was so tired and not feeling overly well. "Doug," Anna said softly, "excuuuuse me for being late. I am not feeling hot today, my temper is short, and I really, really don't have the energy or the willpower to butt heads with you today. Now I am going to take my chart and go down the hallway before I say something that I really don't want to."

Doug rolled his eyes, "Hey, I have nothing to do with your extracurricular life anymore, and I don't really give a damn if you don't feel well. You either call in sick or you get yourself here on time and ready to see patients. And you're right, I don't want to hear anything you might regret so why don't you go down that hall and get to work." Doug didn't know why he was being so rude to her, although she deserved it from yesterday. He couldn't help but think that unless they got their issue taken care of, they were going to have some long shifts.

Anna started to walk away fuming now, "bastard." She said as she walked into the exam room. If they had been any place other than work she would have screamed at him at the top of her lungs...her extracurricular activities...they were not going to be able to get along until she told him, and even then she highly doubted that they ever would. Was she trying to get him to fire her so that she wouldn't have to work with him...oh well she said as she treated her patient.

Doug set his head on the counter. "What a great way to start off the day" he said out loud. Susan, Abby, Carter, and Carol were all supposed to be on today. Doug hoped one of them would be around soon. He needed some small talk...and a friend

Abby came into the ER and threw her stuff under the desk at admit. "Hey there stranger working hard already."

Anna came back out. She slowly approached the desk, as she composed herself with a smile on her face. She was planning on killing him with kindness. She would just have to bite her tongue every now and then as her hormones swung, but that should only last for a few more weeks. Surely she could survive that. "Excuse me for interrupting but I have a 4 yr old high fever, neck pain, and vomiting. Has a headache and doesn't want to turn his head. I need another set of hands, Doug can you help me with a LP please? He's in three. I just gave him versede to relax him while it's being done."

Doug lifted his head up and smiled at Abby. "No rest for the weary." he said before seeing Anna. "Great" he muttered before she was in earshot. Doug was surprised Anna asked him for help...and in such a polite manner, it almost threw him off. "Uhhh yeah sure...ill be right there."

Abby watched Anna walk back down the hall, "what's with Dr. Happy there? God that was sickening." She said, "You two haven't made up or something have you?" She asked as she headed off. "Triage duty again. What is it with me and short straws?"

Doug smiled at her joke. "I don't even want to hazard a guess." it took him a second to get up and grab his crutches, but he was in the room within five minutes. After making his way over to the bed he stopped to look at Anna. He didn't know what was up but she seemed better. "You want me to do the LP or hold him?"

She smiled, "I thought it might be easier for you if you tap it. I can hold him still." She said softly, keeping her tone even and extremely professional with him, "the trays right there for you. Do you want me to bring the bed up a little more for you or is it high enough?"

"No its ok" Doug said moving to the other side of the bed. It was strange to find Anna so pleasant all of a sudden. Doug sat down and waited for Anna to roll the child up. "Ok buddy, my name's Dr. Ross. This isn't going to be too bad I promise. Just stay real still ok?" he said in a soft voice to the young boy. He took the needle and started the procedure. After he got clear fluid out he filled up the jar. "There ya go...you're such a brave guy." Doug said scooting back in the chair. "Thanks Dr. Del Amico." he said grabbing his crutches and standing up. "Can I speak with you in the hall for a second?"

"Yes of course," She said still smiling, she unrolled the child and made sure he was safely in the bed pulling up the rail before walking away outside the door.

Doug closed the door once Anna was out. He rubbed his face and leaned against the door hinge. Doug was more comfortable talking to her now that she was a little more under control. "Good work with the kid..."he said giving a quick grin."I just wanted to know...I got your message last night. You said you wanted to talk about something."

She fought to keep the smile on her face, "yes I do want to talk to you, but I don't think that this is the right place. Uhm, what we need to talk about is not something that we should be talking about in the hallway. I'm sorry I can't tell you, not here."

Doug let the pained expression creep into his face. "Ok...sorry" he said moving to walk away from her. Whatever it was it must have been more serious than he thought. "I set your stuff in the lounge that was left at my house." he said turning around briefly and walking away. He knew he was going to get some kind of degree for what he had put in the bag. All she had really left was a brush, some jeans and shirts and a CD but Doug stuck in there a shirt of his that she had worn and a picture of them Haleh had taken before he had even moved to Seattle. It was from the party Mark threw that turned out so badly... they all still had a good time. Doug had a copy at home and thought she might like one too. He hoped that didn't upset her but he knew the note he had written would.


	79. Chapter 79

**Chapter 79:**

Anna stopped on her way into the lounge, "let me know when you have some time when we're not working, we'll talk then okay." She pushed door open and found her stuff. She was just going to throw it in her locker but she didn't remember leaving so much there. She sighed when she picked up his shirt. She looked at the picture that was in there too. God Mark's party... she tried hard not to cry looking at it. 'What's this,' she said as she opened the note that was written in his handwriting. What could he have to say to her that he couldn't say to her in person? She let the tears fall as she started to read.

_Dear Anna,_

_I know what you're thinking already...any letter that starts with 'dear' can't be good, but please just finish reading this, there are some things I need you to know. The first is that I never meant to hurt you in any way. The past few weeks have been the most unbelievable I've had in a long time and I wouldn't change them if I could. But the second is that I can't keep playing this game. It is too hard for me...as I know it must be for you. I am trying to get my life back together in a new city, without the woman I came back with, in a new job. And I know you have problems of your own. It is unfair for me to have you wait while I try to sort things out. And as much as I would love to pretend that certain things hadn't happened in the past few days to change my views on us, I can't anymore. Life just isn't like that. I hope you know what a beautiful and special person you are, and that I will always care deeply for you, our friendship is something I value more than anything. Things just aren't right now...and I'm not sure if they ever will be. Please forgive me, and don't ever blame yourself for this. I think I said it best when I told you that my special gift was impossible relationships. Anyway...I'm kind of rambling huh? Anna, just know that you should never settle for anything in life. You deserve so much better than anyone like me, and know that when I think of you, I will only have the best memories. You really don't need me, you are so much stronger than you know...and a better person than I could ever be. Thank you for everything Anna, and...I'm sorry again._

_Always,_

_Doug_

She put everything in her locker, before sitting back down her head on the table as she cried. She got up and walked over to the sink to splash water on her face. It had been no small miracle that no one had walked in on her. She pulled herself back together. 'Smile Anna, you can't change how the man feels, you can't make someone love you when they don't. She walked back out of the lounge as a trauma came rolling in, she instantly jumped on it and headed into trauma one with the first of two from a MVA.

Doug noticed her as she came out. She looked fine; maybe she hadn't read his letter. 'That's for the best' he thought. He didn't want her to get upset at work. He just sat back down and took a sip of his cold coffee. "Wow...this is a never-ending process" he said as he smacked the computer. God how he hated paperwork.

Anna was in over her head. "I need some help in here!" She screamed as she was trying to intubate, get a central line started and x-rays ordered. "Someone give me a hand please!" Anna was starting to panic. She could feel her heart now pounding in her chest. She couldn't leave the patient to step out of the room when they snapped the x-rays, but she couldn't be in there when they did. She threaded the guide wire for the central line. "Anyone, please come on I need a doc in here now!"

Doug heard her yell. God couldn't she do anything today? He made his way into the trauma room as quickly as possible. "I'm here, what do you need?" he asked rather shortly

She gasped when she saw it was Doug...ohhh shit! There's no explanation for this one. She watched as the tech's rolled in with the portable. "Watch my patient, I'm allergic to x-rays." Anna said as they shouted fire in the hole as she darted out the door before it was snapped.

"What!" Doug asked. He had never heard a more unsound response in his life. He walked over to the patient and finished some tests. After a quick call to surgery to fix some internal bleeding Doug left the room to find Anna in the hall. "You want to explain that?" he said rather harshly. It wasn't like her to leave a patient.

"I, uh, I can't explain it." She said looking at the floor. "I know your upset and you have every right to be, but I couldn't be in there." She turned to and walked a few steps, "I just couldn't be in there when they took that x-ray."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard Anna! We've all been in the room for x-rays a thousand times." he yelled. He was getting sick of her walking away from him and not ever explaining anything. "This whole new mysterious thing might be working for you but its really pissing me off. Now if you have a problem with a patient you need to tell me and not just run out like that. Do you understand?"

"I am not trying to be mysterious. I am trying to protect myself." She said looking him straight in the eye. "I didn't have a problem with that patient." She took in a deep breath, "You are just going to have to understand that right now there are some things that I can't do anymore."

Doug just rolled his eyes and waved her off. "I don't even want to know what new problem you have now." he said making his way to admit to get his stuff. "I'm out of here anyway." he was going to have lunch with his new date. Maybe being with someone he didn't have to constantly yell at would be good for him. "Don't call me next time you have a crisis. I'm sick of dealing with it." he said before heading out the door.

"Yeah I know, I have the rest of my life to handle our crisis, and you'll be the last one I'll call." She said as watched him walk away. What was she the only doctor in the ER today? Anna fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Damn him! He was never going to understand this, and probably not give her the time of day now either. Fine, forget it she wasn't going to bust her butt to hide it from anyone and if he was the last one to know so be it. She threw herself back into her work. She finally hauled herself out of there about 10 o'clock. Even though she wanted to go home she went down to the bar when Matt worked. She wanted some company and a sympathetic ear. She walked in and sat down at the bar and chatted with him for a few minutes before she walked over and picked a song. She just wanted to take her mind off everything that was happening for a little while. She took the mike and looked at Matt as she started to sing, 'Can't Stop the Moonlight.'

Doug went home and clean up around his house until about two. After calling Allison and agreeing on an early dinner Doug hopped into the shower and in a nice suit. He met her at a nice restaurant and they spent a long time talking. Although Doug had hoped she was brighter than most of the woman he use to see, it turned out she was right up their alley. Although he wasn't looking for someone who was overly intelligent it would be nice for good company. Soon their dinner was over and he went to take her home. After arriving at her apartment she invited him up. Doug hesitated for a second, thinking about Anna. He quickly wiped the idea from his head and came up with her.

Anna walked home; she lies down but found herself not being able to sleep. The silence in her apartment was almost deafening. She got up went thru her mail. Oh man she had totally managed to forget about the conference in Boston. She had two weeks to get everything put together now. The break from Chicago right now might do her some good. This might bring her a better job offer, something with not such longs hours once the baby came. She actually smiled things might not be ideal, her life was in total chaos, but this was her decision to make. After all Doug had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to have anything to do with her new "crisis". She sat there thinking about everything before she looked at the clock. Might as well go in now, maybe whoever was working night wouldn't mind giving up a couple of their night hours to come in and let her out of there a couple of hours early. Anna hoped that Susan would be working and could cover for her for an hour while she slipped upstairs to meet with Coburn at eleven. If not she was just going to hope that it was slow enough that she could get away with out any one missing her? She walked into county, put her things in her locker, Chen was happy to get out of there, and didn't seem to mind coming in to let Anna out a little bit early. Anna listened as they went over what patients she had and she then dove into work. Come 6:30 Anna had the board almost completely bare, she had two patients, one she was waiting for an x-ray on to rule out a fracture and the other she was waiting for labs to come back on. She got her labs back and admitted the patient to cardiology and was now waiting patiently for transport to take him upstairs. She sat down at admit to finish writing her notes.


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter 80:**

Doug didn't have a good night. Sleeping with his new fling hadn't brought the 'ha-ha I got you' feeling he wanted. Shortly after he felt her fall asleep he got up and left. 'what a scumbag' he thought to himself 'here you are doing this again' Doug made his way back to his house and tried to get a few more hours sleep. He would have to go into work again to get cleared to walk on his own, deal with weaver, and deal with Anna...again. Boy how is life sucked, he was sure it couldn't get much worse.

Susan walked in and was surprised to see Anna there so early. "Playing the early bird?" she asked. Susan was planning on doing something special for Anna to cheer her up, and possible give her the courage to talk to Doug. He needed to know. "How about all of us here go out later...tonight or tomorrow. I'm sure I could talk Carter, Deb, Haleh Lydia...well everyone into going." Susan didn't mention Doug's name but she was going to be sure to ask him to come.

Anna smiled, "Yeah early bird... couldn't sleep and I guess this place is addicting. But yeah sure why not, we can all go out. Tonight would be fine; I'm going out to dinner tomorrow night with my brothers." She hadn't heard Susan mention Doug, so she was game for a night out. "I like an empty board. Do you think that you could cover for me for about an hour at 11?"

Susan glanced around. "Yeah sure. If the place stays like this it'll be nice." Susan didn't even have a chart to grab. Anna had done a good job. Susan sat down next to her and made sure no one was around that might overhear. "So are you doing ok?"

"As good as I can be. I haven't gotten sick yet this morning, I have a smile on my face, and well other than Doug hating me. Don't laugh too hard, but yesterday I took this trauma and well," Anna had to laugh, "Told him that I was allergic to x-rays. Oh well, he'll know soon enough, I can't hide it forever, not that I want to. I mean I can't use the excuse that I swallowed a basketball. Seriously though, my life my not be perfect but I can do this. Oh don't bother asking Deb about tonight, she's stuck here. She's coming in early to let me escape."

Susan laughed as she patted Anna's back. "I'm glad one of us has humor...you actually told him you were allergic? Hahaha" Susan couldn't help it. She thought starting up some jokes would help Anna feel a little better. "Yeah, ill find some people. I was thinking about hitting up the lava lounge... it's got some karaoke, great drinks and its pretty fun." she hoped Anna wouldn't hate her after tonight. She wasn't trying to meddle, but maybe if she hung around with Doug when they were all having a good time it would be easier to talk about. Besides, a few drinks always helps.

"That sounds good." She said, "I have to have some humor in all of this. Just don't take it too personally if my hormones go psycho, they've been the only thing I can't control, other than the nausea." She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm sure Coburn can give me something for that."

Susan just smiled back. "Yeah I'm sure... "Her pager sounded as she stood up. A minor trauma was coming in. "hey i got this...seven tonight alright?" she said walking to the doors to wait for the ambulance.

"Yeah sure seven sounds fine." Anna said, "I'm going to hide in the suture room for a little bit since you don't need me. And well your board is cleared. Page me if you need me." Anna said as she walked down the hallway and curled up on a gurney on the far side of the suture room and closed her eyes.

Susan grabbed the gurney. It was just an over reaction on a head lac but she'd take it. She wheeled her patient into trauma one just to check him out for sure. Anna deserved some time to herself and she was glad she was going to take it until weaver or Doug showed up.

Doug made his way into the ER. He was hung over, mad at himself, and late for his pt appointment. He threw his stuff on the admit desk and made his way up to pt where he hoped they would let him walk on his own. It was embarrassing to be with Allison and be on crutches.

Anna woke to her stomach loudly growling. She rolled off the gurney and headed out into the ER. Doug wasn't there; she wasn't sure if that meant that he wasn't in the hospital or if he was doing something else. She was glad for the cat nap though. Her batteries were somewhat recharged. She headed down to the cafeteria and grabbed some food. Before heading back up and sitting down at admit to eat just in case she was needed. She played with the granola in her yogurt. It wasn't much but it was the only thing down there that she thought she'd be able to keep down.

Doug walked down from PT. he was glad that they were going to let him walk normally again but pissed that they wanted him to have 4 sessions a week and possibly more surgery. He didn't have the time...or money for that. He was barely making his house payments. If carol and he had been married he would be broke by now. He walked past Anna at admit and reached around her to grab his bag. He cringed as he twisted his back but hoped she didn't see. After fishing out some pop tarts and pulled up a chair and sat down in front of the computer. It didn't even cross his mind that he was only a few inches from her until he accidentally bumped her with his elbow. "Ohh. My bad, I'm sorry" he said after noticing he had made her spill yogurt on herself. He handed her the napkin he had in his lap and tore off a piece of pop tart. He had so many things on his mind it was hard for him to focus.

"Yeah you are." She said laughing as she clean up the yogurt from in front. "Na don't worry about it. I thought that I was hungry but I guess not. Hey I know that I should probably ask before, but if you don't have a problem with it, Susan's going to cover for me for about an hour, and Chen's coming in early tonight to cover for me too. I'm not trying to step on your toes boss, so if it's not okay, just tell me and I won't do it again. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want there to be any ill will between us. Let bygones be bygones. No hard feelings."

"Yeah sure..." Doug said reading his credit report. He was a little wrapped up in it to hear much of what Anna had said to him. "Ahhh damn it! Stupid freaking...sob leaches!" he yelled whacking the computer. Nothing seemed to be going right today.

Anna didn't mean to but she jumped and glanced up at the clock to try to cover it up. "I'll be back in awhile." She said as she got up dropping the yogurt container in the garbage and heading for the stairs.

Doug noticed her leaving more than he did when she was there. He hoped he didn't scare her off. He really didn't want to loose his house but after all the medical bills, his moms' funeral, and child support he didn't have much to live on. He sighed as he looked around. Lucky for Anna no patients needed to be seen. Although he wasn't on for a full shift today he wanted to stay and see if he could help out. He grabbed some charts and started his notes and write ups to wait until Anna came back. Maybe she would talk to him then, she seemed in a better mood.


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter 81**

Anna came back down almost an hour later. She had a smile on her face as she sat down at the admit desk, this time she had a bowl of ice cream. Coburn had given her a script for the nausea and a peak at the baby. It was just this little jelly bean looking thing right now but she was happy none the less. She put her feet up looking at the board, "hey am I an ER doc today or a pediatrician."

Doug lifted his head up. He had been trying to get rid of his hangover for awhile now. Good thing the ER wasn't packed today. "Take your pick. There aren't any patient's anyway." he said closing his charts. "Hey I'm going to get some lunch in a second if you want to come with me...or i could just take an order. I'm a pretty good service boy and I  
could use a tip." he said trying to joke. He didn't want to make Anna talk to him if she didn't want to, but it seemed like she had something important the other day.

Anna's eyes lit up, "ohh food, yes count me in... but hey it's on me. Because I am so starving." She grabbed her wallet, "I will meet you over at Docs." She said as she zipped out the bay doors. She found a booth and sat down. She was really starving now. She ordered not wanting to wait for Doug unsure of how long he would be. Now would be as good of time as any to tell him. They weren't in the hospital so no one would overhear them. She started to sip at the milkshake trying to decide what would be the best way to approach this.

Doug finished his last chart and walked over to docs. It felt good to actually walk again. Once inside he looked around until he saw Anna at a booth. Doug went over and sat down. He picked up a menu as he as she had already ordered. "Guess you were hungry..." Doug looked over the menu quickly before the waitress came over. "Hey, can I have a burger and fries with just water to drink please." she said handing her the menu and focusing on Anna. "Milkshake huh?" he said with a smile. It was hard to believe he would be at home without her to be with anymore.

She smiled, "yeah," she wasn't sure, "everything okay with you?" She asked, "I gave your name and number to my insurance agent about the accident. They should be getting a hold of you; I guess they didn't have all the right information to process the claim...sorry about that, I mean I don't even know your birthday."

Doug grinned. "May 6th...but no parties ok?" he joked as his food came out. He stuck a fry in his mouth thinking on the rest of her question. He didn't want to tell her he felt crappy for sleeping with some woman he had just met and that now looking at her, he felt totally guilty and stupid. Or if she had read his letter. "well...besides the fact I might have to sell my house and take my girls out of private school...I'm still paying off loans from college and the screwy PT docs want to have me quartered everything's great." he stated sarcastically, biting into his burger. He let out a deep sigh. "But you know...that's life I guess. Or at least mine. Bad karma sucks." he said with a grin.

"I'm sorry," She said, she couldn't tell him now. He had enough to worry about. She couldn't just say hey guess what I'm having a baby and you're the father. This was not the right time to drop this in his lap on top of everything else. "Ahh your karma is not all that bad. We're still friends, right?" She shoved a bite into her mouth. She couldn't believe that she was this hungry and that she was putting it away so fast with a guy sitting in front of her.

The smile faded off of Doug's face. "Well...actually I wasn't sure. You haven't exactly given me straight signals the past few days...and..." he didn't want to ask in case she hadn't but he had to know. "I didn't know if you'd gotten a chance to see the note I wrote you. It was kind of important."

Anna choked on the French fry that she had just put in her mouth. "I did." She put her head down on her hand her fingers wrapped in her bangs. What did he want her to say, that she wanted to be nothing more than to be friends that she was sorry she had been a hormonal nightmare but being pregnant makes your body retaliate in ways you couldn't imagine. That her heart wasn't ready to let her move on yet. "I understand," was all she could bring herself to say.

"Yeah I'm sure" Doug said scratching the back of his head nervously. The silence was enough to kill him. "so." he said trying to change the subject as he went back to eating. "What did you want to talk about the other day? It seemed like it was bugging you."

She threw her head back against the back of the booth, "ohm you really don't want to know, I'm pretty sure you really don't want to know."

Doug made a face at her. "hey...the more you say that the more I want to know...especially if its something juicy...I'm the king of the gossip mill." he said with a laugh. He tossed a French fry her way. "Come on, I'm going to steal your milkshake in a second." he liked teasing her. It felt like they were really friends again. Whatever she had to tell him couldn't be that bad if she could joke around with him. Maybe he was just over reacting.

She shook her head as she pulled her milkshake closer to her. "King of the gossip mill huh. Well..." She paused for a minute, "how about them bulls."

Doug grinned and shook his head. "Oh that's rough" he said tossing another piece of fry at her. "You're killing me smalls! And speaking of the Bulls...they totally sucked last night. I need to pick a better team to root for." he tilted his head to the side and tried to read her face. He hadn't ever been good at it and it wasn't working now. "oh come on...you were dying to tell me yesterday and now you wont...come on, I need some good news." he said with a smile.

'Make something up Anna, anything.' She said to herself. "Did you find those Courtside tickets that I left for you in your box? I got those and thought instantly of how much you love the bulls and I would feel so out of place sitting there rooting for the phillies sitting courtside behind the bulls bench."

Doug smiled. It was good news after all. "Yeah I did. I was looking for a good time to thank you...so thanks Anna. That was really sweet." He was feeling awful now after what he had done last night. He could see in her face that she still held something for him, but he couldn't go through that again...not now. "There are two tickets though. I don't know who I'm going to take. Alli..." Doug bit his lip as he tried to correct his mistake. "No one I know likes basketball as much as I do. I've never been courtside either. Too bad you're a philly's fan." he said with a fake smile.

She grimaced, "whose Alli?"

Doug sat there with a horrified look on his face. His mind wasn't working fast enough to come up with a response. "Uhm I uhm...just someone I had drinks with the other night. No big deal...she doesn't even like sports I mean...who doesn't like basketball right?" Doug spoke quickly, wishing he hadn't said that. He knew Anna was too smart to buy it. Allison on the other hand didn't even notice when he called her Anna on three different occasions last night. "She's just a friend Anna...its nothing." he said, digging at his hand. "Ok... so it was a date...i mean you went out with Susan and that guy too. And we're not going out so it doesn't matter anyway." Doug felt bad trying to explain away everything. It shouldn't matter...but it did. He thought seeing someone else would make him feel better if she was jealous but that didn't work either. Even though he spoke confidently and in his smart ass cocky tone he was torn up inside.

"You know what you're right. It's not like it really matters who you're seeing." She felt her hormones start to swing rapidly once again, "You know what that other guy that everyone seems to think that I am dating, seeing, or even sleeping with is my brother's best friend, his bloody ass team mate!" She stood up throwing money down on the table for lunch. "I am not seeing anyone not now not ever! God does everyone think that I am some sort of freaking slut!" She stormed outside.

Doug closed his eyes as she started to yell at him. As soon as she left he whispered "perfect" to himself. He opened his eyes to see everyone staring at him. With a quick smile he got up and followed her outside. "I didn't say that! Jesus Anna! Thanks for embarrassing me in there, that's real nice." he yelled back, walking quickly past her and into the hospital. He didn't need this crap today. He was trying to be nice and she had to go turn it all around and twist everything up. "Figures" he said out loud.

She walked inside her eyes toward the floor as she threw her wallet back into its place and walked into the bathroom. She leaned against the stall door. She couldn't do this, she couldn't handle this, it was all too much right now. She let the tears go, she was alone and was going to have to get used to it. He moved on, he didn't need her, and she didn't need him...but she wasn't even fooling herself with that.


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter 81:**

Susan was bored sitting and saw Doug walk in. "Hey... you wanna come out for drinks at around seven tonight? The whole ER is going to be there...and you look like you could use a drink." She joked. He looked up and grinned. "Well i had a date but i guess i can stop by. Where are you all going?" "Lava lounge" Susan said handing him a chart. "Five hours and counting." she walked past him and headed into the bathroom. She heard someone crying and was shocked to see Anna. "What happened? Are you ok?" she asked walking over to her.

She looked up at Susan. "I can't do this anymore." She was sobbing, "He's got a girlfriend now. He doesn't need me, he wants to be friends but I can't right now, and as much as I want to tell him, the time is never going to be right."

How Susan wished she hadn't just invited Doug. She walked over to Anna and pulled her to sit down on the floor with her. She put a hand on her head and sat with her for a second. "There is a difference between a rebound and a girlfriend Anna...I see the way he looks at you. You make his eyes light up. And even if he is too dumb to know it, you're a great person and he'd be lucky to be your friend, just like i am lucky." Susan added trying to make her feel better. "You need to tell him...but you have time. You'll know when its right and the two of you will deal with it." she said rubbing her back. "You'll be ok"

"Look Chen will be here in a couple of hours, it's slow I am going to go home and go to sleep. I can't work with him right now. He's so damn lucky I am pregnant and he's recovering from that car accident or I would have had to whoop his butt big time." She said, "I just need some time to myself. I've been going non-stop since I got back from Kentucky. That ass is going to work me to death." She got up off the floor, "thank you for being my friend." She said as she walked out of the bathroom. She kept her eyes downcast towards the floor as she crossed the ER. She grabbed her stuff from her locker retrieving her purse from behind the admit desk. She didn't want to look at him; she didn't want him to see the tears that were in her eyes.

Doug clenched his mouth shut as she walked past him. He knew she was going home...and he knew better than to say anything at all. It was slow, he didn't need her here. Doug opened his bottle of pain meds and downed a few. What a crappy day. Once he was sure Anna was gone he picked up his cell phone and dialed Allison's number. "Hey its Doug...Ross. Yeah sorry about this morning, I got paged in on an emergency...yeah it's a doctor's life... anyway I wanted to know if you could go for a change of plans. A friend of mine invited me to go out for some drinks with a bunch of people so if we could stop by there for a little it might be fun. Ok great. I'll pick you up at seven." Doug hung up the phone. Thank god someone else would be there. If he had to make small talk for another dinner he would kill himself. He looked at the clock. Time was going by so slowly today. He still had over four hours to go before he was off. He felt bad for yelling at Anna but she needed to let go and get on with her life. She couldn't feel bad forever.

Anna walked up the stairs to her apartment. She walked in and saw her machine light flashing. She hit play and listened to it. She picked up the phone and dialed Matt's number. "You want to get drinks tonight?" She asked him, "there getting together at the lava lounge. Hey I know no alcohol you don't have to remind me, stop being such a big brother." She joked with him for a few more minutes before she hung up the phone and flopped down on her bed. "Looks like it's going to be just me and you baby." She said rubbing her tummy as she closed her eyes. She needed to go and pick out a car. Doug was supposed to take her, but that wasn't going to happen. She got back up and picked up her keys. She grabbed a cab and headed to the lot. She looked at a lot of different one. She test drove a couple of different ones. She wanted something sporty that would piss him off. She finally caved in and bought herself a brand new jet black BMW. She had seriously thought about getting the red one, but black looked much flashier. She signed the deal and drove her car over to the bar where Matt worked figuring she could kill the last hour hanging there before meeting Susan.

Doug filled his time with triage and paperwork. It was a slow day indeed. With a promise to Susan that he would show up later Doug went to his house to get changed. Since they were going to a bar he decided for casual but nice. He pulled out some grey slacks and a button shirt. After slicking his hair back and grabbing some cologne he went to call Allison. She wouldn't be ready for another half an hour. That's what he got for picking an ex cheerleader...but at least she would look nice. He sat down on his couch and looked harder at the picture Haleh had given him doubles of. Carter, Anna, Mark, Elizabeth, Him, Carol, and Weaver. They were all having such a good time that night. He wished he could have that again someday.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter 82**

Susan had to go but she posted messages for Abby and Weaver if they wanted to come, when and where to show up. She hoped someone would end up coming so it wouldn't just be her, Matt, Ben, Anna, and Doug. That would be way too awkward. She went home to get dressed and...After dawning a nice red skirt and a black top, made her way to the club to wait for her friends. 'Please god don't let this go to hell' she thought.

Anna put her arm around Matt as they walked into the Lava Lounge. She looked around for Susan. She finally spotted her and Ben and they walked over to join them, she had left her hair down and was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. She looked at Susan smiling, as Matt pulled a chair out from the table for her, "Hey Susan, Ben. I must say Susan you have a knack for picking places." She said as she felt Matt's hand on her back letting her know that he was there for her.

Susan looked around. The place wasn't crowded but it was filling. "What? I like this place." she teased. i asked a few other people to show up...kind of left a note on the cork board so hopefully we wont get Romano or anyone like that." she said with a laugh. "Why don't you pull up a seat?" Susan said making room for her.

Forty-five minutes later Allison was finally ready. Doug hated it when woman took forever. "I told you it was casual" he said looking at her very short dress.

"This is casual" she said looking back at him.

Doug just sighed and pulled up the car for her. It took him only a few minutes to find the bar, and once they parked Doug got out almost at a run. This girl was already pissing him off.

"I'm so excited to meet your friends!" she kept telling him before he opened the door for her. She went in first and almost screamed. "This is so neat!"

Doug screwed on a fake smile but his heart sank as he saw Anna over with Susan and two other guys. He didn't need this tonight. "Allison..." he whispered trying to get her to leave before they were noticed."Lets..." but she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bar. Reluctantly Doug walked over to their table and stood with a rather bouncy Allison and he put on his best 'i hate my life' smile. "Hey guys" he managed to say.

Anna looked up, "hey," she said giving her best fake smile. She couldn't believe the woman that was with him. She kneed Susan under the table. Okay Anna be nice, friendly, and don't pick any fights, Oh she would have loved to have smacked him hard. Anna looked around and saw that they had karaoke. "You know what I'm going to go down and sing, might as well cut loose and have some fun." Anna got up, "baby what you want to hear?" She asked Matt, he muttered a song in her ear and she smiled, "you got it. Why don't you get us something to drink and I'll be right back." She didn't want to sit there with Doug and his new girl. She walked over to the little make shift stage and flipped thru the music sheets looking for what she wanted.

Kerry walked into the Lava Lounge. She had left Carter, Chen and Luka working. But a night out with colleagues sounded rather well, fun. She spotted Susan and Doug sitting over at a table and headed over. "Hope I'm not too late." She said as she looked for a spot to sit. "Is that Anna up there?" Kerry said as Anna started to sing. "She's pretty good."

Anna started to sing "toxic," she crossed the floor over to where Matt was standing taking him by the hand. And pulling him back with her. If Doug was going to bring his little thing here, she was going to put up her best front that she had moved on. Anna even though she wouldn't admit it was jealous. As she sang she put forward her best seductive moves on the dance floor. She let the music and her jealousy control her moves. After all the song was Matt's idea and she knew that he knew what was going on between her and Doug. As protective as he was of her, he still wanted her to have a good time. And this was taking her mind off everything that was going on, at least for now.

Doug took a seat and got one for Allison. He tried not to show the fact that he was upset at her having a good time. At least Allison looked like she was having fun. Doug hated the song...hated the way she danced with that guy. Hated everything. "Come on Allison...lets throw darts."

She gave a rather blonde smile. "I don't know how..." Doug didn't care. He wasn't going to sit here and watch this. He grabbed her hand and led her to the board. If she could make him jealous, he knew he could do the same. As the dong ended he wrapped his arm around Allison's waist he held her hand in the other, showing her how to hold the dart.

He rested his chin on her shoulder and made over exaggerated laughs at all her joke. While she was trying to throw he kissed the side of her neck causing her to giggle. 'That'll teach Anna you act like a freaking slut in front of my friends' he thought. Doug wished they could both be more mature about it all but revenge felt better.

Anna finished her song. As they headed back to the table she about lost all of her self control. The way he was holding on to Allison...was the way that he used to hold onto her. No she wasn't going to let her mind go there. She sat back down as she pulled her chair a little closer to Matt's so that his arm could be around her. Anna wished that she could be drinking something other than lemon water.

After Allison hit the wall, missing the board all together, more than a few times Doug decided to call it quits. He headed back over to their table and sat down. He took a sip of his bourbon and leaned back against the chair watching other people dance. "It's nice that we could all be here huh?" he said as a general question. He was looking for something to do so he didn't have to sit and watch Anna and matt. "Allison, we should go sing." he said putting his arm around the back of her chair. Her eyes lit up.

"Yeah sure! What though?" Doug's mind searched as he stood up. "Do you know jack and Diane?" Allison stared at him blankly.

"oh come on... you know John Mellenc..." doug just shook his head that was embarassing. "Nevermind I'll just sing one myself first...but you think of one and we'll do it together." Doug's legs shook as he walked up the look at the possible songs. He couldn't believe he was actually nervous. As he scanned the list he smiled as his eyes fell on the perfect one. Playing the words in his head it was the only one that made him think of Anna...it's was perfect. Doug sat on the edge of the stage and waited for the couple singing to finish.

Anna watched them walk away as she shook her head, laughing "oh my god she doesn't know John Mellencamp...what rock did he find her under." Anna put her head on Matt's shoulder.

Doug gave Allison a smile and handed her a ten dollar bill. "Why don't you go buy us a drink while I'm up here...save my seat ok?" he gave her a wink and watched her walk away. "That was rough" he said to himself. So much for her taste in music being a saving grace. Doug looked up as the couple got off the stage. He took a deep breath and stood up, grabbing the microphone and smiling at his friends. He even gave Anna a friendly wink. After telling the piano player what song he was doing he took a breath as the music started...

Hey baby, is that you?  
Wow, your hair got so long  
Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do  
'Norma Jean', ain't that the song  
We'd sing in the car  
Drivin' downtown, top down  
Making the rounds  
Checking out the bands on Doheeney Avenue  
Yeah, life throws you curves  
But you learned to swerve  
Me I swung and I missed  
And the next thing ya know  
I'm reminiscin' dreaming old dreams  
Wishing on wishes  
Like you would be back again  
I wake up and tear drops  
They fall down like rain  
I put on that old song we danced to and then  
I head off to my job  
Guess not much has changed  
Punch the clock  
Head for home  
Check the phone, just incase  
Go to bed  
Dream of you  
That's what I'm doing these days

Doug couldn't help it. He stared at Anna the whole time through the first verse. Once he hit the chorus he closed his eyes to hit the high note but got right back on track. He was putting everything he had into the song...hoping she might notice.

Someone told me after college  
You ran off to Vegas  
You married a rodeo cowboy  
Wow, that ain't the girl I knew  
Me I've been a few places  
Mostly here and there once or twice  
Still sortin' out life, but I'm doing alright  
Yeah, it's good to see you too  
Hey girl, you're late  
And those planes, they don't wait  
But if you ever come back around  
To this sleepy old town  
Promise you'll stop in  
To see an old friend  
And until then...  
I wake up and tear drops  
They fall down like rain  
I put on that old song we danced to and then  
I head off to my job  
Guess not much has changed  
Punch the clock  
Head for home  
Check the phone, just incase  
Go to bed  
Dream of you  
That's what I'm doing these days

For once in awhile his intention wasn't to make her jealous, or hurt, but to show her he was sorry...the only way he could. He didn't know if she'd get it but he was sure trying. Doug finished the song and took a small bow as people applauded him. He gave a small grin as he jumped off the stage. He really only cared about what Anna thought. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked back over to the table and sat down.

Susan watched Doug on stage. He was doing a really good job. Boy could he sing. "Wow...he's really good" she said to the table. She felt some funny vibe going on between him and Anna but wasn't quite sure.

She couldn't hide it anymore and there was no holding it back now as the tears started to fall. She quickly untangled herself from Matt when he hit the second verse. As they song ended, she stood up from the chair, she could barely see from the tears falling from her eyes as she fumbled to grab her coat and keys. "I have to go, I'm sorry Susan, I thought that I could do this, but," she choked on her tears," I can't...I can't... Matt I'm sorry." She ran for the door as fast as her legs would allow her. Not stopping until she was outside in the cold Chicago air could she breathe again. She leaned against her car trying to get it all under control.


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter 84**

As soon as Doug got to the table Anna left. He sat for a second and dropped his head. He caught the look Matt gave him as he tapped his fingers on the table. He was a little upset now...After going over it in his head he shrugged Allison off him and shot out if his chair, jogging for the door. He opened it and almost ran into Anna. He let the door close before saying anything. He didn't know why she was so upset. She had tears streaming down her face, and it made him feel awful and awfully pissed at the same time. "What the hell is going on?" he asked standing in front of her.

Susan sighed as they both left. That's not what she had wanted to happen. She looked around at weaver. "This isn't gossip...its stays here."

She turned to look him in the face; she didn't know if she was angry or hurt. "You know this isn't how I pictured this but ya know what, there's no time like the present." She paused for a minute as she wiped her hand across under her eyes, "you'll find out anyway you might as well find it out from me rather than thru the rumor mill...I'm pregnant Doug, that's what I have been trying to tell you for the last two days."

Kerry looked at Susan, "I'm staying out of whatever is going on between the two of them. As long as it stays out of the ER."

Doug rolled his eyes. "Oh come on..." he said almost laughing. "You take birth control...right?" he heart started to speed up as he waited for her answer. She had to be joking.

Anna bit her lip, "you think I am joking..." She shook her head, "no I don't."

The smile faded off his face faster than a bullet. He couldn't breathe...it was like someone had just kicked him in the chest. He leaned back against the wall so he wouldn't fall as the news sunk in. he just shook his head trying to figure out the right words. She certainly couldn't expect him to be happy...he didn't know how he felt. Doomed might be a good word. "Are you sure?" he asked sympathetically. After the idea of her lying to him from the beginning sunk in his feelings changed in a second from worry to anger. "I don't believe this! You know how this is going to screw up... AHH damn it Anna! why the hell didn't you tell me you weren't taking birth control...i mean, don't you think that is kind of important to tell someone you sleep with!" his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Here he was trying to do something nice for her and she was telling him...this...now. "I mean...what the f...why didn't you tell me as soon as you found out? This isn't something you can just forget about..." he paced back and forth before kicking the brick wall and turning back to her. "THIS IS MY GOD DAMN LIFE TOO!"

"What! You never freaking bothered to ask, you could have taken two seconds to ask. It's not like I planned on this happening. Oh wait yeah, let me just throw my bloody life away too." She was yelling now, "I didn't want to have this conversation with you at work, that's why I didn't tell you when I first found out, would you I rather had called you on the phone and told you! But you don't have to worry because I don't want anything from you, I don't want your help, I don't want your support, you were so right when you said that I was stronger than I would ever know, because this is something that I am going to do on my own. You don't need me, and I sure as hell don't need you!"

Doug was shocked...this was his problem too. "No way...are you not going to do that. This is my kid too and I'll be damned if i leave important decisions up to just you. You're to freaking irresponsible to not get pregnant then I sure as hell don't want you making choices for some kid...and you don't have the right to tell me not to be involved so you can forget that here and now!" Doug had been many things but he sure wasn't going to abandon his kid with Anna of all people. "I suppose you told several other people already...that's great, Doug's the last to know...you self righteous little ..." Doug took a quick step towards her but his muscles worked overtime to keep him still. He didn't want to hit her...be like his dad...but he wasn't thinking all that straight. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Oh yeah Doug I told the entire world that I am carrying your baby. God what the hell, no I told Susan, she's the one who drew the blood!" Anna snapped her eyes up as she watched Matt walk out the door.

"Anna you okay, this guy isn't giving you any trouble is he?" Matt asked taking a few steps to get between Doug and Anna.

Doug looked up at Matt. Matt was much taller than him but Doug didn't care. He was way too pissed to have this guy stop their conversation. "Hey there white knight...why don't you get out of my face. This isn't your business" Doug said giving matt a shove.

"Just leave the lady alone." Matt said standing his ground, "she doesn't need crap from a little shit like you."

Doug almost laughed. Who was this guy to get into his face? Doug swung quick at his head but missed as matt moved to the side.

Matt almost had to laugh, "Okay have it your way." He said as he hit Doug. He wasn't going to let this guy mess with Anna she didn't need the stress right now. Besides he was smaller than Matt so it wasn't going to be much of a fight.

Doug fell back at the impact of the hit. The guy had cheep shotted him in the nose. He looked at his shirt which had blood dripping on it from his face. He got up from the ground...his back throbbing, speared matt into the brick wall. He used his momentum and brought his shoulder back, connecting hard under Matt's chin for a good shot.

Anna watched the two of them for a minute, as Matt fought back from Doug pinning him into the wall. He managed to get in two more hits and as Doug stumbled backwards Anna stood between them, she thought that if she was in the middle neither man would swing. "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" She screamed. "My god what are you both Neanderthals? I don't need this, Matt go back inside now!" She turned and looked at Doug, "I never asked you for anything in the entire time that we were together, but I am asking you now, to back off. I don't need you to yell at me right now. I am not going to lose this baby because you can't control your temper." She said as she turned, hit the alarm off on her car and climbed in. She laid her head on the steering wheel as she started the car. "Damn it!" she yelled at she started the car and drove off.

Doug watched Anna go... he was still truly upset at this jerk in front of him. He spit out the blood that had filled his mouth and swung one more time, nailing matt in the eye. He didn't care about what Anna wanted; he didn't want to loose this fight.

Matt shook it off, "what you have a death wish little man." He said as he connected squarely with Doug's face. "You have no respect for her," Matt said as he hit him again, Matt now had him pinned up against the wall. "She's better off with out you." As he hit him again.

Doug's head snapped back as matt hit him hard. Maybe hitting him again was a mistake. In a second Doug was up against the wall and nailed again. He legs went limp as he slide down the wall and onto the ground coughing. Everything hurt...he had never lost a fight so badly. Blood dripped out of his mouth as he sat on his knees. "Bastard" he mumbled. Doug was going to wait for the jerk to head off before he tried to get up...he knew it was going to hurt.

Matt went back into the bar, "Anna said you're a doctor." He said looking at Susan. "You'd better go patch your friend up out there. He looked like he was going to hit Anna, and well he's regretting it right now."

Kerry stood up, "I'll go and get him. I have my car I can take him to the ER." She said as she headed outside. Where she found Doug slumped over, "come on Doug, let's get you patched up, I'll drive you to the ER." She stood next to him, "Can you walk?" Kerry put her arm around him. She hadn't even been good at supporting people.

Anna parked her car and walked up to her apartment. She locked the door behind her and turned on her fireplace. She walked into the bathroom and grabbed a couple of Tylenol before lying down on her couch. Well, it was out in the open now. She didn't have to worry about hiding it anymore. She shook her head as she laid back. Now she would just have to ride out the fallout.

Doug was couching when Kerry came out. He leaned back against the wall and tried to wipe the blood from his mouth and nose. He didn't want his boss to see him like that. "I think I'm fine Kerry" he said, trying to get in a position that wouldn't kill his back. All the torque had really hurt it. He rested his head on his knees. 'Why did everyone have to be here tonight?" he asked himself. This was all really embarrassing for him...and now even his boss knew.

"It's just me and Susan Doug, don't worry what happened here tonight stays here." She said trying to offer support to him. "No one else needs to know." She offered him a hand up.

Susan was mad at Matt for going out there and beating up Doug like that. Matt barely had a bruise on him...she couldn't only imagine what Doug looked like. She shot matt a look and headed out the door. She saw Kerry and Doug by the wall, he was bleeding but at least he didn't look too bad off. After his car accident she hoped he would go to county and get looked at though. "Come on Doug" she said taking his arm herself. She knew He would have never accepted weaver's help by himself. "You're going to the hospital with Kerry right?" Doug shot Susan a look as she helped him up. "Yeah sure...just make sure my date gets home ok?" Doug tried to straighten himself out a little. God how his back hurt...it's almost hurt to breath. He waited for Susan to walk away and looked at Kerry. "you said you could give me a ride?" he had come to realize being proud brought nothing but pain...so he was going to suck it up tonight and ask for help when he knew he was hurt. Besides it would give him time to think about what to do with Anna...and calm down.

"Yeah come on." Kerry said heading towards her car, she opened the door for Doug and climbed in as she started the car to take him to County since it was the closest. "Ya know no one has to know that we are even there." She wanted to make him feel a little better she could tell that he was embarrassed. The drive was short and she parked near the entrance to the ER.


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter 85:**

Doug rolled his eyes. "Yeah id like to see how no one will notice me... i don't feel that bad. It's just my back is all."

She smiled as they headed towards the entrance. "Don't worry." Everyone scattered when they saw Kerry come in, she turned to Doug, "that's how no one will know you were here." She took him down to the hall to an empty exam room. "I'll get x-ray in here to do a quick film." Kerry pulled the door closed behind her and called the techs from the hallway before she headed down to the drug lock up to grab him something for the pain. She returned, "Here I got you a couple of percocets for the pain." She said handing them to him. "I'll be back when they have your films ready."

Doug downed his meds and lay down on the table so they could take some x-rays. After the techs left Doug unbuttoned his shirt and set an ice pack on his back. The room was dark and quiet. God how he was glad it wasn't busy tonight. He closed his eyes and thought the situation over with an open mind. He had to go and talk to Anna...even if she never wanted to see him again, he had to apologize.

Kerry sat down at admit waiting for the films to come back. Finally they did. She was going to have to take it up with radiology tomorrow about how slow they could be. She threw them up on a board and looked at them. She knocked on the door and walked in, "well I've got good news, and you didn't break anything. But looks like you just have a concussion and a couple of black eyes. Go home take it easy for a little bit, get some sleep. Do you want me to give you a lift home?"

Anna couldn't sleep she was too wound up now. She went into the bedroom and slipped into her pajamas and sat down as she flipped the light on by her desk. She put on her reading glasses and turned the stereo on low. What was this, one minute she was drop dead tired and the next wide awake. She picked up a book and started in on her presentation.

Doug looked up. He was glad there was nothing wrong...but never thought there was. "No i can get home...but thanks Kerry. I really appreciate everything." he said standing up with a grimace. He threw on his jacket and went to leave. He needed to get out of the hospital. Doug jumped onto the el and made his way to his house. It had started to lightly rain as he walked from the station to the front door. Doug grabbed some ice and slammed it on his face. 'Boy i bet i look sorry' he thought. He lay down on his couch but his mind was racing...he would never get to sleep unless he talked to Anna. After quickly changing his shirt Doug left his house and caught the el again to Anna's apartment building. It was raining harder now as Doug waited outside for someone to let him in. he was afraid if he buzzed up to her room Anna wouldn't talk to him. After giving some line to an old lady about losing his key Doug got in...Wet and cold. He went painfully slow up to her room. Once he stood outside her door he debated whether or not he should turn and leave right now. 'No i need to do this' he told himself. After taking a deep breath and running his hands through his wet hair Doug knocked twice on her door.

Anna heard a knock and put her glasses and book down before she made her way over to the door. Who would be out there this time of night? She opened the door, "Doug." She said surprised to see him standing there. Her heart started to pound inside her chest. He looked awful; it was obvious that they continued to fight after she left, "uh come in." She said stepping away from the door. Was here there to yell at her some more? Did he not say enough to her earlier that was hurtful? She noticed that he was wet so she reached into her bathroom tossing him a towel to at least dry off his head. Anna knew she needed to stay calm and level headed. She tried to keep her distance from him. Not that she was scared of him hurting her, but it was easier than being close to him. Her hormones had already gotten her into enough trouble the last couple of days. She knew that this wasn't going to go well, especially if he was still mad at her, which he had every right to be. Her best friend had kicked his butt. She sighed, "What do you want? I don't want to fight with you anymore tonight please." The tone in her voice was colder than she wanted it to be, but they had just had a huge argument and she didn't want to get into another one here.

Doug stepped in and closed the door. He took the towel and held it in his hands. He heard the tone in her voice...he had to force himself to stay. Doug stared at his hands. "Thanks for the towel." he said softly, calmly. He just stood by the door, unsure if she wanted him to sit or not. "No i don't want to fight either. I just umm...I'm sorry for handling things the way I did. I was angry and hurt...but I didn't have any right to yell at you like that. I just thought that maybe if...maybe things would be easier if we talked a little tonight. That's why I came, just to talk...and to say I was sorry." Doug spoke soft and low only looking up at her for small periods of time. He almost felt like he was rambling speaking so quickly but he couldn't help it. That's how he talked when he was nervous. He wanted to keep his voice soft to make sure she knew he wasn't going to yell or scream. He just wanted to explain.

"We can talk." Anna said, 'I don't know how much more we have to say to each other,' she said to herself, "Come sit over here and warm up. You look like your freezing." She said as she sat down on one end of the couch. She pulled the blanket around her shoulders and pulled her legs up under her.

Doug looked down at his wet clothes and kind of smiled. He sighed and walked over to sit next to her. He closed his eyes as he sat down, now feeling the pain again in his back and chest. After a minute or so he started to talk. He tilted his head so he could see her out of the corner of his eye, but didn't have to look at her. "So umm...what do you want to do...I mean" Doug shook his head, that's not what he meant to say. "I mean, how do you feel about having a baby...or not. We never really talked about it. I know now isn't exactly the ideal time to have these sort of conversations but I'm interested in how you feel. I'd really like to know if you want to share it with me." Doug spoke almost in a whisper, trying to be very polite. He really did care and want to know. After all, he did care for her...he was just too proud to say it.

Anna got up off the couch and walked down to her bedroom, "I don't know." She said as she dug thru a box, "I'm adjusting to it." She walked out back to the living room tossing a pair of sweats and shirt onto his lap. "If we are going to talk about this, I am not going to have you getting sick cause you are soaking wet. It threw me for a loop at first but there's not much I can do about it now. I can't say that I am ready, cause I've never done this before, but I shrugged off my responsibility once and don't want to do that again."

Doug looked at the sweats and smiled. "You just don't want your couch wet huh?" he said with a grin trying to lighten the mood. "Be right back" he said as he walked into her bathroom to change. He took off his shirt and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He hated what he saw. He wasn't going to end up like the man his mother saw when she looked at him. He wasn't going to leave Anna with some baby; he would make it right if it killed him.

She curled back up in her spot on the couch. "Yeah no getting my furniture wet." She said as she watched the flames dancing in the fireplace.


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter 86  
**

Doug folded up his clothes and walked out of the bathroom. He set his things in the corner and slipped on the sweatshirt. He felt better now that he was warmer although his head pounded from the beating it took an hour or so ago. He sat down on the couch and lay down with his feet off the couch so he wouldn't come close touching Anna. It wasn't very comfortable but he didn't want to make her nervous and he was tired. "I guess what I was trying to ask was if you wanted to keep the baby or not...or give it up for adoption...or keep it for good." Doug certainly had a preference but he wasn't going to say it unless she asked him. His opinion didn't really matter; she was going to do what she wanted to no matter what he said. He was just trying to be involved to let her know he was behind her.

Anna got up off the couch and moved into the recliner next to the fireplace. As she tried hard to get comfortable. "Ah hell, be right back." She got up off the chair and went into the bathroom. She washed her hands staring at herself before walking back out. And situating herself in the chair again. "Sorry about that." Her voice was low and soft now, as she sighed, "you're opinion matters to me Doug, I...I haven't made a decision yet about what I want to do, what do you want? Hearing that might help me make up my mind."

Doug laid his feet out on the couch as she got up. His throat started to get tight when she asked him what he wanted. He was glad her tone had changed...she seemed more like he remembered her, calm and caring. He exhaled deeply before answering. "I'm only going to say my opinion once, cause that's all you need to hear it. This is your choice and I'll support you no matter what you choose to do. But having said that..." it was hard for him to admit, Doug was almost ashamed for some reason. "I can't have another kid. Not right now. I love my daughters...they're the best thing that's ever happened to me. But, I can barely keep my life straight and I'm in charge of theirs too. It's really scary when you think about it..." he cleared his voice quickly and squirmed in the couch. It was harder than he thought. "I can't mess up another person's life. And I don't want to be responsible for doing that to you or the baby..."his eyes started to fill with tears as he thought about what he was really afraid of. It was hard to tell her but she needed to know. "I'm afraid that one day, several years down the road, our child is going to be beautiful...and wonderful...but when you look at them all you'll think is 'god damn it Doug why'd you ruin my life?' that this child's going to be a constant memory for you of me...and that you're going to hate me for it." whether it sounded real or not that was one of his greatest fears, and he didn't want it to come true again...like it had before with his son. Yet another thing Anna didn't know.

She put her head in her hands now. Quietly thinking trying to pull herself together before she looked at him, "there's no easy solution for this, no quick fix. No matter what I do, no matter what is decided someone is going to get hurt." She said softly, "I can't be responsible for taking someone's chance at life away; if I decide to keep the baby I'm going to hurt you."

Doug let a tear fall from his face. "It really doesn't matter Anna. I want what's going to make you...happy. If having a child is going to do that, I'll be there to hold you hand if you want...or I'll be on the first plane to Seattle tomorrow. All you have to do is ask and I'll go...anytime." Doug really would do it for her...in a heartbeat. It would break his heart but he did love her that much. "I just don't want to be one of those guys who knocks someone up and leaves them to deal with it. I owe you more than that...and you mean more than that to me. I just know how you're going to look at me after your life changes. I saw it with Meg." he had to tell her. She might understand better if he did. "I was in pre-med school and I knew her from Kentucky. She was the pastors daughter...I got her pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby. She didn't want me but she wanted my son. I thought I could live fine without knowing about them but now it's like a hole. I look at pictures my mother had... he must be 17 now...and I think what if I had stayed there? Would his life be better or worse if he had a father? If he had me as a father."

She found herself flying out of the chair and wrapping her arms around him. "You haven't screwed up my life." She said pulling back to look at him, "and I wouldn't be happy if you left, ever." She chewed on her lip for a minute, "this is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. When I said I didn't need you, I was upset and angry. I thought that this was the last thing you needed to worry about right now. I just," she had to look away from him, "I just don't know what to do."

Doug put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to lean against him. "You'll know...when the time comes, you'll know in your heart what to do. I wish I could make the choice for you but I can't." he kissed the top of her head and put his other arm around her. After a second he moved her so he sat behind her. "You feel this?" he asked. It hurt to say it because last time they were both so happy and now they were apart but it still held true. "See where i am? I'm right behind you. And no matter what, you'll always have me there when it comes to this. You can call me anytime and I'll be over in a second...even if we hate each other...I'll always have time for you."

"I might get mad at you, but I could never hate you." She said softly. It was breaking her heart to be laying there in his arms no longer his. "You are my best friend..."

Doug had to let her go when she said that. Tears were welling up in his eyes. He moved to the side of the couch and ran his hands down his face. "You know the last person who said that to me was Mark..." he said in a shaky voice."I don't have that many friends...that means a lot that you would say that...more than you know." he looked at her until he felt a tear fall down his face. He immediately turned his head and looked down at his feet. Here she was being pregnant and having him yell at her two hours ago and now he was the one who was crying. "I'm sorry...this is stupid..." he said wiping his eyes.

She moved in front of him so that she was now between his feet, "it's not baby." She could have kicked herself for saying that but she would always love him even if she couldn't say it right now. She put her hand on his chin so that she was looking into his two now black eyes. "You will always be my friend. Granted I haven't acted like it over the past couple of days, but you are."

Doug looked at her beautiful face. Why couldn't he tell her how much he loved her? His eyes moved down to look at her lips. He closed his eyes and slowly leaned forward until they were only centimeters apart. His body had acted before his brain again. Once it caught up he straightened up before their lips touched. He didn't want to take advantage of her right now...not like this. This wasn't how they needed to get back together. "I'm sorry...I should probably go." he said leaning back into the couch, his eyes still locked onto her face. He knew her mind was as messed up as his. He would never feel secure in their relationship if this was the reason they had gotten back together.


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter 87**

Anna took a deep breath watching him pull away from her, how she wanted to tell him not to go. "It's late, why don't...stay please." She needed him to be a friend, she didn't want to be alone, she didn't want to sleep with him just have him close to her for a little longer before reality set in again. She felt her stomach start to flip flop again. Before he could answer her she had to make a mad dash for the bathroom on her knees worshipping the porcelain goddess again. Tears falling as she realized that she was probably not going to have company tonight.

Doug followed her into the bathroom. He knelt down beside her and rubbed her back. He wished he could take away all the pain she had... he'd do it in a second, but he couldn't. She did ask him to stay. He looked at his watch and realized how late it was. Good thing they both didn't have to work tomorrow. He thought about it for a second. He really didn't feel all that well, he was cold, his clothes were wet, and it was raining. He waited a second until he thought she wouldn't be sick anymore before he got up and held out his hand for her. He would have picked her up but his back hurt too badly. "Come on..." he said."Ill stay for a little while."

She tried to smile, she was tired, she took his hand and she used her other hand to wipe her face. "Thank you."

Doug pulled her up and put his arm around her shoulder as they walked into her bedroom. He pulled back the covers for her to climb into. He took off his sweatshirt but stayed for the most part dressed. He didn't even want to think about going there tonight. As they both lay down Doug clicked off the lights and put his arm around her waist. He set his cool hand under her shirt and rested it on her stomach...to almost ward away the nausea. He sighed as the thought of something classy and caring to say. Nothing came to his mind except a song. "she feels safe now in this bar on Fairfax and from the stage I can tell that she can't let go and she can't relax and just before she hangs her head to cry I sing to her a lullaby, I sing everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye, rockabye." it wasn't the love song he wanted to sing to her, but he hoped she heard the part that counted. 'Everything's going to be alright"

She closed her eyes feeling the comfort of his arm around her, listening to his soothing voice as she let herself be taken off to the land of dreams. She was warm safe and secure once again. They were sitting on the beach, the sun setting, the sky turning to the brilliant pinks, and oranges with the wispy clouds added color to it. She was sitting in front of him lying against his chest. It was her favorite time of day. They got up and started to walk down along the beach, happy together as if nothing had ever came between them, she could hear his voice talking to her saying to her I love you now and forever. She rolled over in her sleep, "I love you, I always have and I always will."

Doug's mouth fell open as he heard her talk in her sleep. "Oh man" he said to himself. Maybe this had been a mistake...but he felt the same way about her. She was the only one he could see himself with. Maybe the baby would bring them closer together. Was he really ready to be a father again? He rolled over on his side to think to himself. After an hour his mind began to cloud as he became more and more tired. He had wanted to get up and go home but his body wouldn't move. Somehow he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

Anna stretched shaking her head as she pulled her arms up over her head. She hadn't opened her eyes yet. She wanted to stay in that half asleep world. She slowly sat up realizing that wasn't her best choice yet once again. This was getting old. How was she supposed to function with this constantly occurring? She dashed for the bathroom. She had left the compazine in her locker at work. She finally stumbled out to the kitchen where she tried to find tea and crackers. "3 months Anna, it only lasts the first 3 months. 1 and a half down 1 and a half to go." she said to herself as she found the tea kettle and threw it on the stove before walking over to the couch and flopping down on it face first.

Doug stretched out on the bed. He felt like he was in his house for a moment until...that smell...his eyes opened as he thought of Anna. He looked around and was snapped back into reality as he realized where he was. Doug squinted at the sunlight that was beaming through the window shades. He glanced at the clock and saw it was almost eight. After a few more minutes he got up and walked around looking for his stuff. He didn't know where Anna was...or if he could still leave without being noticed. He walked into the living room to grab his jeans when he saw her on the couch. She looked sick again. Doug walked over and sat on the edge by her head. Gently he pulled her hair away from her face. "Sorry for sleeping in so late...have you been out here long?"

"It's okay you needed it." She said softly as she tried to sit up, her eyes closed. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as if to hold everything in there. "I've only been up a few minutes. I want to say thanks for everything. I uh, appreciate it, it means a lot."

Doug laughed. "Yeah I'm sure...well you're welcome for making you throw up every thirty minutes...have crazy mood swings...and letting you see your friends beat each other up. It's my specialty you know, I'm here for you." he joked, trying to get her to smile. He hated serious conversations. They had enough to last them a lifetime. "So..." Doug said standing up. "You're not really going to keep that car right?"

"The car, oh I don't know." She said leaning back against the couch. "I know it's kind of flashy..."She paused for a minute, "Do you want me to get something else? Please not a minivan."

Doug laughed at her. "Oh come on...I drive a jeep. You really think I'd let you get a minivan? I told you I'd help you find a car, so if you want help I will. Otherwise you can keep your sports car and haunt my dreams at night." he said grabbing his clothes and walking into the bathroom. He got dressed and came out tossing the sweats back at her. "Or I could stop being an ass and let you have the weekend to yourself."

"You're not being an ass...with my hormones going awol trust me I'd tell ya if ya were." She said laughing, "I'll take the Beemer back to the lot. I can't haunt your dreams at night that wouldn't be fair. But you have to promise that you are not going to put me in some big steel boat that drives like a bloody tank so that you think I am safe. I mean it I am not getting some old grandma car. So if that's your plan mister you had better come up with a plan b pretty fast. I can out stubborn even you," She smiled, "you have met your match in that department."

"Ha-ha...ok, ok. Well go get cleaned up then. I have to run by County and drop some papers off but I should be ready by noon. Want me to pick you back up here or are you coming along?"

"I left my compazine in my locker I need to pick it up before I throw up." She said smiling. "Can you wait for me and I'll tag along." She looked at him sticking her lower lip out, "I want to drive my new sports car once more before you make me give it back." She headed into the bedroom grabbing clean clothes, "are you okay with that."

Doug shook his head. If someone were watching them now they would have no idea of what they had both been through the past few days...much less the things they had said to each other. They almost seemed like real friends but Doug knew better. He would never let himself be in that position again where he felt so vulnerable. "Yeah...come on down. Just don't kill me ok?" he said as she walked away. Doug started getting his things together and fixed up her living room a little while he was waiting for her to get ready.

She threw on a sweatshirt and jeans. She grabbed a pony tail holder pulling her hair up as she walked back out to the living room, holding it between her teeth as she walked over to the kitchen turning off the burner, "would I do something like that." She said as she pulled it from her mouth winding it around her hair. She smiled a very large grin, "you want to drive it there? See how sweet of a ride it really is? I mean it has a 3.2L I-6 333HP engine, 6-speed manual transmission with overdrive, 4-wheel anti-lock brakes , side door mounted airbags, tube 1st row overhead airbag, airbag occupancy sensor, automatic, 18" alloy wheels, cruise control, ABS and driveline traction control, and a DSC III stability control. It might be nothing more than a sports car, but it's a dang safe sports car." She said trying to impress him with her knowledge of her car. After all he had no idea that she knew more about cars that she had let on. "I mean you jeep is what a 4 liter with an I-6 too 5 speed manual, 4 wheel drive with front and rear curtain airbags and anti-lock 4 disc brakes."

Doug grinned. Boy was that a turn on. "oh I'll let you drive it, it sounds like your pride and joy...are you want to give it up?" he still was having trouble with his motion in his feet and didn't want to risk driving, besides it sounded like Anna wanted to soak up every moment.

"Well it's not my pride and joy... After all it's just a car." She said smiling as she picked up her keys tossing them in her hand, "under the hood is one mean machine." She laughed, "And yeah I did look under the hood before I bought it. I wouldn't by anything unless I did. I do rather enjoy the looks that the car salesman gave when I asked to see under the hood. Guess not many women do that. As for giving it up, well...yeah I guess so...it's probably not very practical now."

Doug was almost dying...she probably knew more about cars than he did. "Well, we'll get ya something good, I promise. I'm looking forward to riding in that thing now...come on let's go." he said walking out the door. He was glad the weather was nice today. They could roll down the window and drive for a little, forget for awhile everything that was going on. He stood and stared at the car while he waited for Anna. Black was a damn good color.

She hit the button and unlocked the doors. "Hop in." She said as she slid into the driver's seat. She put her keys in the ignition turning the car on. She reached down and put the top back, "button up your coat and buckle up baby we're going for a ride. Anna's taking her new car for a joy ride." She said as she popped a CD into the CD player. She negotiated out of the parking lot and headed out of the city. "I want to have the wind blowing in my hair before I give this baby back." She took a short cut out of the city and was now on a small two lane highway. "This is my favorite road to getaway on. There's no one out here." She said as she turned the stereo up, let her hair out of its pony tail and hit 55. She needed this; it was a momentary escape from the reality that was facing her in Chicago.


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter 88**

Doug smiled as he spread out on the seat. It was a damn nice car. He let his arm hang out on the door and tapped his fingers to the music. "Got to love matchbox twenty right?" he said as he turned it up a little. He had never really listened to the words of the song but he liked it now. "Come on and lay it down, I've always been with you, Here and now, Give all that's within you. Be my savior, And I'll be your downfall" he smiled looking at the. "That's kind of fitting huh?" he said trying to joke. After he said it he realized it wasn't too funny. He was never good at small talk anyway. "Kind of feel like bonnie and Clyde...running away. Hopefully we both won't be shot but i like the fast car part." Doug looked the other way into the trees. Spring was starting to come and everything looked so pretty. "I wish you could see Seattle in the spring...out on the water, it's almost as good as Boston...I still think we should go sometime." Doug knew that would probably only be a dream. They were destined to get into another fight, another misunderstanding driving them further apart. But it was nice to dream about.

"Running away I can deal with, but I really don't want to get shot, so I am going to pass on that one Clyde." She said joking back with him, "I like Boston in the spring." She said not taking her eyes off the road, "I've been there once or twice. Seattle, can't say, never been there. You and I will have to go sometime. It sounds like you miss Seattle almost as much as I miss Philly. But sad to say it's not home anymore. It never will be, too many bad memories are there." She slowed down and pulled off onto a little side road. "Don't you give away my secret hiding spot here ace." She said as she stopped the car and climbed out. She walked over a few feet and leaned against a tree, looking out over a lake. "Sorry," She didn't look back to see if he was going to stay in the car or join her, "I was starting to get sick and didn't want to throw while driving. It's so peaceful here, so serene. It's easy to forget about the rest of the world. The traumas, all the bad things that you have to deal with when you spend 12 or 24 hours in an ER. Life almost stands still when you are surrounded by beauty like this. Here you can be alone taking it all in; no one can see you or hear you." She slid down the tree to her knees as she felt her stomach letting go of what was left in it. "I don't think I can do this."

Doug got out of the car when he saw her drop to her knees. He felt awful that she was so sick. He didn't say anything; he just scooted by the tree and sat behind her. He put his arms around her chest and held onto her so that she would know she wasn't alone. After a few minutes he rested his head on her shoulder and looked out at the water. She was right, it did look beautiful.

She smiled once again now that her stomach wasn't protesting. "Come on, as much as I love being here in this place. I had better take that car back to the lot before I change my mind." She slipped out of his hold and stood up looking at it, "I really do like it though, oh well. That's life now isn't it?" She tried to joke with him, "so what are you think I should get one of those new vipers, maybe a 911, oh how about a miata?"

Doug sighed as he stood up. 'So much for trying to be a nice guy' he thought. "Well...maybe a Maxima or something. Hell you could always get a Jeep...not a wrangler but something a little bigger." he said with a wink walking past her to the car. "Toyota Avalon I hear is really safe, and it looks pretty nice."

She locked the door to the car on him, knowing full well that he couldn't jump over it to get in. Before she crossed over to where he was standing. "I need to say something before we go again, and don't you roll your eyes and think that this is some kind of serious conversation cause it's not going to be." She took his hands into hers, "I know that we can't go back to that place where we were before, but you don't know how much it means to me to know that I have someone to rub my back while I am throwing up, to know that I am not in this alone like I thought I was. I might not be good at saying thank you, or I'm sorry, when I need to but I'll try." With that she let go of his hands unlocking the door once again. She slid across the back of the car into the driver's seat.

Doug stood there for a second not sure on what to do. He almost hated the fact that she still could read him so well. After taking a breath Doug opened the car and sat down. He let his arm hang out the door again and looked out past the trees waiting for Anna to go. He didn't want things to have to be this hard for them, but it was. He didn't know what it meant...maybe that they were meant to be friends and nothing more. After awhile the silence became uncomfortable. He didn't want her to think that he was upset with her. "Why is there one room in your apartment that isn't painted?" Doug asked turning his head to look at her. It wasn't much, but it would at least start some conversation.

Anna about lost it in hysterical laughter, "because..." She was laughing hard now, "I dumped the paint can on Max's head. I never got around to getting another one."

Seeing her laugh made Doug smile too. "I would have loved to have seen that." he said with a grin. "You know I'll paint it for you...it's the least I could do." Doug didn't want to suggest the idea of a baby room right now but that was what he was thinking. Maybe he could surprise her or something.

"Sure, I'd be willing to let you paint it for me." She pulled back out onto the highway. "Granted that apartment's not much, the neighborhood's pretty safe, and it's close to the hospital which is nice. It's secure and I need someplace that is right now." She was enjoying spending time with him. She just wished she knew how to fix what had gone wrong between them, find a way for them to start over again, get it right. There was this awkwardness between them, he was so easy to read, she was sure that he knew that she could almost read his mind when she wanted too, "if...mind you I haven't made up my mind yet, but if I decide to have the baby and keep him or her, who's last name are we going to give is it baby del Amico or baby Ross?" She was trying to get a feel for how he would really feel if she made the decision to keep the baby; his confession last night had torn her up on what to do. Before last night she was so sure that keeping the baby was the right decision, but it wasn't her decision to make alone. It was his life too that this was going to impact as much as hers. She would be responsible for one life and he would have three. Was it fair for her to ask him to take on another child? She had more questions than she had answers.

Doug looked over at her with an awkward smile. "Gee i uhm, I don't know. I mean we're not married so...probably Del Amico don't you think?" Doug really wanted a son to carry on his name but didn't see it happening in the future. "What would you want?" the question got him fidgeting again. He knew she was trying to get something out of him he just hadn't figured out what it was yet.

"You are asking the woman who named her dog puppy, her fish, swim and a cat meow to name a baby." She smiled. "Do you really want me to name our child?"

"Well it's just the last name Anna...you might want to start thinking about it since it seems like you've made up your mind." he said rubbing his face. 'Wow, that came out wrong' he thought to himself. Doug reached into his pocket and pulled out his pain meds. He shoved a few in his mouth and looked out of the car again. At least the weather was nice, ad the wind felt good. Looking at the scenery was a good excuse for not talking...for him at least. It seemed like everything he tried to say came out wrong these days...even his song choice's seemed to suck.

She let it slide; she had a pretty good idea of how he felt about that choice. She reached down to change the CD. Matchbox 20 was starting to get on her nerves now. She turned it up as the familiar country music filled the car as she started to sing along with the song, "we'll I've got friends in low places where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases your blues away, and I'll be okay, we'll I am not big on social graces that I'll slip on down the oasis so I got friends in low places."

Doug sighed. His attitude outburst didn't seem to bother her as much as he thought. He was glad when he could see the exit ramp in the distance. "So do you know how to get to this place or are we driving around?" Doug said shifting in his seat. "I know how you don't like to ask for directions. I mean really...who gets lost in small town Kentucky?" he joked, letting a smile slide onto his face.

"I know how to get around Chicago thank you." She said trying to not laugh at herself as she exited and turned right, "and I did ask for directions, three times at the airport and in Georgetown and at the gas station. You are not going to let me live that one down are you?"

Doug smiled again. "Ahh one day maybe...i don't know though. I might just mug you now and boost this car from you tonight. You'd be stuck on the side of the road but I'd call AAA for ya." he said looking around. "Hey we're down by the baseball field. I can't believe the season is starting soon. It's been a fast winter."

"Yeah it does start soon. I could probably score us some nice seats for a ballgame." She said smiling and laughed, "Gimpy I would like to see you try and jack my car."

Doug's mouth dropped open. "Gimpy? Ouch...I'm stung, hurt really. If you weren't driving now id show you how gimpy I am." he joked giving her a quick poke. "Just don't start laughing and throw up on me..." he said sticking out his tongue at her. It felt good to play around again.

Anna pulled the car into the dealership. And as she put it into park threw off her seatbelt she was smiling and laughing, "You are gimpy, and you couldn't show me anything. And it would serve you so right if I did throw up on you." She poked him back trying to find someplace that would break him into laughter. "I'm trained in professional kickboxing buddy; I'd lay you flatter than a pancake."

"Hey come on don't..." he laughed as he tried to bat her hands away. He was lucky she hadn't found his one really ticklish spot yet. "I already got my ass kicked last night...i don't think my ego could take much more...besides you'll never find out the spot to get me at." only carol knew that. the place below his ear around his neck or right above his belt were the only two places that someone could touch him and he'd loose it laughing. Carol had found out on accident. Doug could only guess where Anna's spots were. He knew he had found the one behind her knee, but that was too hard for him to get to...he'd get her back later though.

She backed off. "Yeah you're right." She said as she got out of the car. She started to walk away, "come on I want to get a new car." She kept walking, "Hey Craig," She called, "I need a new car." She stopped and watched as he walked towards her, "hey there Anna, one of my guys said you were in and walked off with a black bmw... had to laugh telling him you'd be back for a red one." Anna shook her head, "nah not a red one this time. I need something," She looked at Doug, "bigger with 4 doors and a non convertible." He looked at Anna kind of funny. "In all the time I've known you Anna I never known you not to have something built for speed. We've got some SUV's in if you'd like to look at them. How you feel about an X3?" Anna looked at him for a minute, "what's under the hood Craig?"

"The standard is 3.0i 3.0L I-6 225HP engine, 6-speed manual transmission with overdrive, 4-wheel anti-lock brakes, side door mounted airbags, tube 1st and 2nd row overhead airbags, airbag occupancy sensor, automatic, 17" alloy wheels, cruise control, ABS and driveline traction control, and an all-wheel drive. Does that sound like something you'd want Anna?" He said to her. Anna turned to Doug, "well what do you think?

Doug shrugged his shoulders. He was lost somewhere in the middle. He tried his best to sound well informed though. "And SUV would be good. Sounds top of the line. I guess you can afford more than i can so i say...lets check it out."

Anna just shrugged her shoulders as she followed Craig over to the SUV's it was a light grey with four doors. She stood back looking at it, "I don't know about this Doug. It's uh big."

Doug took a good look at it. "Well...yeah ok you're right. But you can drive my jeep just fine and it's a stick. At least this one's automatic." Doug walked around and his mouth dropped at the price. He had to buy his car used. He had never actually had a new car but was glad that Anna could afford one for herself. "Wow" he said out loud. He almost felt a little jealous, it seemed like Anna had a good grasp on her financial life. He looked behind him at the other cars in the lot. There were several he could recommend, but they were all the kind that he liked. Jeeps, trucks...guy cars. He motioned for Anna to come over to the other side. He made a face and whispered to her. "What do you think? We could look around some more."

Anna looked down at the ground. "I don't know. It is kind of cute, nice, and sporty." Anna glanced up at the sticker on the car, "I brought you along so that I didn't end up in another one of those." She said pointing to a hot little red convertible. "So I guess what I am saying is, do you think that this is something that I could drive that you wouldn't worry about me in?"

Doug smiled at her. "Baby, the way you drive...I'll always worry about you." he joked nudging her in the arm. "But... yeah this is nice. Spacious...roomy even." he said joking. "Seriously though, if you like it i like it. Its got power...everything, its brand new, and it did well in the crash tests so that takes some worry away. I think you could handle it too, it's not too much bigger than my jeep." he tilted his head down in her direction. Damn why couldn't he read her reactions. "So..."

She smiled at him, "then it's mine. Crack jokes about my driving, you my dear as still alive." She looked at him once more, "what do you say I sign the papers buy this little baby and I want a hot dog. I am starving."

Doug touched his stomach. "Yeah I'm pretty hungry too. I could go for some good old vendor food." he walked on the other side of the car where the salesman was. "So do i have to harass this guy about the price or does my kickboxing, GI Anna have it under control?"

She smiled, "GI Anna," She smacked his arm, "come on Craig, let's go crunch numbers and you might have yourself a sale." Anna disappeared with the salesman for a few minutes and haggled on the car. When she emerged again she had a set of keys in her hands and a smile on her face. "I got him to come down about 3 grand on it. Come on baby let's take my new car and find some food please."

Doug smacked his hands together. "Come on baby!" he said to mimic her. "Way to go champ." he said in his best 'baseball coach' voice as he opened the door for her. Doug jumped in the other side and looked around the car with a big, silly smile on his face. He was really happy for her. "I like new cars...i rarely get to be in them so it's a big deal for Me." he said waiting for her to start the car. "Come on now...I'm dying to hear that engine!"

Anna smiled at him and laughed. "Yeah," She said as she turned the key. She pulled the CD out of her purse that she had in the other car, and set them on the dash. As she pulled her seat belt on around her. "I can't believe I am driving an SUV." She said as she pulled out of the lot. She negotiated into traffic looking for food, "baby let me know if you see a place we can get street dogs please before I die of hunger."

"There are always places to get hot dogs in Chicago...why don't you head over to the baseball field. There has to be some there." Doug said looking around. The only problem with downtown was the amount of creepy looking people around as the sun went down. "Make sure you watch these pot holes. They always over inflate tires on new cars so you don't want to hit one."

"Okay," She said, as she hit one. "You mean like that one." As she felt the car bounce and the oh to familiar sound of a tire going flat.

Doug dropped his head and tried not to laugh. "I think i cursed us..." he said shaking his head."Pull over. Let me take a look." the car came to a stop and Doug hopped out. Sure enough Anna had blown the tire, but the rim was still ok. He walked around to her side. "Its ok...just hand me the kit and I'll change it."

Anna laid her head down on the steering wheel. "I can't, because I don't have one." She was waiting for him to strangle her now. "I have to call triple a baby. I've never changed a spare tire in my life."

Doug couldn't believe it. "You don't have a kit? I can't jack up the car without...wait. You're telling me you know all this crap about engines and parts and you can't even change a tire?" he stood and thought about it for a second. "HAHAHA." Doug doubled over laughing. "That's...ahhhh that's classic. Hahaha" couldn't help it. Here he was feeling bad that Anna knew all about the insides and she couldn't do something basic. He wiped the tears from his eyes and leaned against the car. "Ahhh hem... well you better call them soon. It's getting dark"

Anna rolled up the window. He was laughing at her. As she dialed the phone, told them where she was at and what she needed. She got out of the car, "they'll be here in about hour." She said looking at him. "I can't believe you are laughing at me because I can't change a tire. So what if I can tear apart a catalytic converter and put it back together, I know the difference between a V6 and a V8. Oh no," she was smiling as she poked him, "Anna can't change a tire, she get's lost in Kentucky..." She was shaking her head now. "I'm hungry."

Doug stood up and rolled his eyes. "Hey don't poke the bear sweetheart. Besides I'm hungry too. Why don't you lock your tank up and we'll go find something." Doug looked across the street and waited for a gap in traffic before he took Anna's hand and jogged to the other side. His back tingled a little but his meds and kicked in so he was feeling pretty good. He pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket and slipped them on. The sun was setting and it was really bright. Doug walked next to her looking around the busy street corners. Everyone was getting out of work and the sidewalks seemed to be packed. Doug casually reached down and grabbed her hand. He didn't say anything, but pretended like it was no big deal...although it was for him. "Hey i think i see one." he said pointing a block down the road.

"Yeah." She said as electricity shot up her spine when he took her hand. He wasn't acting like it was anything so she just kept her mouth shut and enjoyed it. She had a feeling that this would end soon, but for now she was going to just enjoy the attention. As she walked with him down the crowded street.

Doug let out a deep breath as they finally reached the vendor. He let go of her hand to pull out his wallet. He pulled down his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose so he could see her over the top of them. "Ok my dear...what'll it be."

She smiled, as her tummy growled, "saukraut and pickles with cheese."

Doug made a face. "Ahh...good thing I'm not kissing you after that." he joked turning to the vendor. "Well you heard that one. And ill have one with just catsup and uhm two cokes." he handed the man some money and handed Anna her hot dog. "Well..." he said looking around for a place to sit."You want to just head back to the car and 'cop a squat'?"

She shyly smiled at him, "yeah that sounds like a plan." She was having a good time being there with him. Even if she had blown the tire on her brand new car. "It sounded good I can't help it."

Doug just shook his head as he made his way back to the car. By the time they got there the streets were almost silent. It was strange how people went home so fast. Doug wanted to enjoy the sunset so he slid back on the hood of her car being careful not to scratch it. He looked out at the water and the setting sun and patted the spot next to him so she would sit down too. He let his feet dangle as he took a bite of his hot dog. "Can you believe that view?" he asked looking out at the water. "If nothing else goes right today, this right here is enough for me." Doug pretended he was talking about the view and not sitting there with Anna...but in his heart, he meant both.

She looked at the water, the sun setting and out of the corner of her eye the man sitting next to her. "Yeah baby I know what you mean." She didn't know what to make of this, her head was spinning. He was being so sweet almost as if nothing had happened between them, but things had, is this the way that he would hang with his best friend, or had he simply forgotten that they were no longer lovers. Did he still love her and want to be lovers again. Ahh she was driving herself to drink thinking in circles.


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter 89:**

Doug finished his hot dog and took a look at Anna. He could feel the wind start to blow. "Hey you must be cold" he said taking off his jacket. He set it around her shoulders and scooted over closer to her. Doug set his glasses on the top of his head and looked at her again. God was she beautiful. He noticed a little pit of cheese on the side of her mouth and slowly brought up his hand to brush it off. He gave her a small wink and a grin. It seemed like a good time to tell her what was on his mind. "You know I was thinking..." he shifted to look down at the ground."That maybe I was wrong last night. I would be really proud to be the father of your baby...if you wanted it. Cause if they got only half of what you've got...I know I couldn't stand not to be around them." Doug looked back up at her with a weak grin. He hoped she would have something to say. It was hard putting himself out on the line but he had.

Anna leaned back on her elbows... she wasn't sure what to say to that, "Doug I'd like that, I really would." She paused for a minute looking at him, "I want our child to have your last name if you'll let him."

Doug leaned back so he was even with Anna. He exhaled and thought about it for a second before turning his face to look at her. He just nodded. "Yeah I would like that."

She found her heart beating faster as she looked at him, so close to her. Her head told her not too, but her heart was screaming at her for not doing it. She leaned over and kissed him as she felt her cheeks flushing.

Doug closed his eyes and clenched his mouth shut. This is what he wanted but...not like this. He couldn't do this again. Slowly he pulled away from her. "We're just friends right?" he asked with a pained expression. He straightened his head to look up at the sky. He felt awful for that but he just couldn't get his heart broken again. 'Come on Doug get over it!' his head was yelling at him. "You know what? I don't..." the words got caught in his mouth. He was going to say 'I don't want to be just friends' but something stopped him. "...know what's taking our AAA guys so long." he finished after an awkward break. How stupid was he? He knew he probably pissed her off now. He wished he could just be open and tell her what was going on. She would understand that...he knew she was probably confused as hell. He brought his hands up behind his head and looked at the stars.

"Yeah, uhm friends," She said feeling like a complete and total idiot. She lowered her head down and slid off the car. She had read everything wrong. God he probably didn't want to be anywhere near her now. She swallowed hard as she looked down the street, "I think that's them now."

Doug slid off the car as they pulled up. It didn't take them any time at all to fix the tire. Doug just smiled at them as they left. He made his way to the passenger side and got in the warm car. He was cold without his jacket, but it was worth it to know Anna was warm. He sat and waited for her to say something...'maybe I should be the one' he thought. "I'm sorry about a second ago." he said low.

She started the car and handed him back his jacket. "Don't be its okay. I...uh...I probably shouldn't have done that. I was reading things that weren't there." She said pulling out into traffic. Navigating her way towards County. She really needed that compazine after that hot dog.

Doug rubbed his face. After a second he banged his head against the head rest. 'Idiot' he said to himself. "I uhhh... I would kind of like it if you went to the basketball game with me next week though. I mean...Allison doesn't even know who John Mellencamp is much less the bulls chances of beating the 76ers so I don't think that ones going to work out." he joked. "Besides its much more fun to buy you nasty hot dogs. Any other girl doesn't eat anything and I end up gaining some pounds for eating their food." he said smiling. He wanted to make Anna forget about feeling uncomfortable. "Come on...loosen up! You should know I do all kind of weird things...I wont even think twice about it." Doug had to lie to make her feel better, he knew he would.

"Okay, okay." She finally said, "I'll go, I will go to the basketball game with you. I'm not upset with you. And you don't have to buy me nasty hot dogs." She relaxed a little with him, "besides it's half your fault that I eat weird food now you know." She pulled off of Michigan Avenue and headed for the parking lot of County. "Oh man I think I really need compazine big time now...do not let me eat that again please."

Doug grinned. "Come on...we're almost there. You don't want to mess up your new car." he looked over at her and noticed she was partially serious. She looked like she was going to loose it. "Do you need to pull over? I can drive if you want."

"Ohhhh not now not now." She said pulling over, "drive Doug drive." She said climbing out of the driver's seat and moving around the car.

Doug opened the door and stopped her from getting in. He kneeled down on the ground with her on the side of the road. "Hey...it's better to be sick outside of the car." he wasn't trying to be funny or joke. He rubbed her back sympathetically in case she needed to be sick right there...which it sure seemed like.

She felt it coming and felt better after. "Sorry."

Doug stood up and kissed the top of her head. "Hey that's what I'm here for right?" he walked around the side of the car and got in to drive. Although he felt a little uncomfortable about it he started the car anyway. They went that far from county. In a few minutes Doug pulled into the side of the street by the ambulance bay. "Why don't you come in and grab your meds. I just have to drop off these papers and sign some things real quick. Then I'll take you home and catch the el." Doug didn't really want to go home by himself but he needed to give Anna a little space...and himself, to figure the rest of his worries out.

She looked at him as she opened the door the car door, "yeah," she said as she climbed out and headed for the ER. When she hit the doors, "looks like they are getting buried tonight." She rubbed the back of her neck. "I should probably help. Guess it's true about full moon Saturday nights."

Doug looked around. She was right but he really didn't want to stay there all that long on his day off. "Hey, just don't take anything major. I want to be out of here in 20 minutes ok super doc?" he smiled at her as he walked to admit to gather his stuff. It did seem like they were in over their heads. By the time he grabbed his folders he had residents asking him for help. After saying 'no' four times he sighed as he realized that wasn't going to work. Doug snapped up a chart that a med student was carrying and headed into exam two. "This better be difficult if you're bothering me." he said sarcastically to the student. Somewhere in between Doug lost his sight on Anna. 'She'll find me when she's ready to go' he thought


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter 90:**

Anna had taken her compazine and was feeling better as she grabbed a chart. She finished with one patient, signed nursing orders on another and then found a med student pulling at her arm.

"Dr. Del Amico I need your help. I have a patient and I don't know what to do with him. I'm not sure what's going on with him." the med student said.

Anna felt herself being dragged into exam one. She was about to tell him to go get his resident, but once she was inside the room she could tell that man was obviously high, she couldn't tell by looking at him what he was on, he was extremely agitated, and getting more so by the minute. He looked almost as if he was going into a manic phase. Anna turned her back to the patient in a low voice so not to irritate the patient anymore than he already was she looked at the med student, "go to the drug lock up and bring me back haldol now and bring another doc, get Dr. Ross or Dr. Kovac anyone I don't care," Her tone more serious with the med student, "get the first doctor you find and tell them to get in here, go now."

She watched as the med student walk out the door closing it behind him. 'Damn it," she'd have to talk to him later, you didn't leave someone alone with a closed door and a jumpy unrestrained mental patient who was obviously agitated. She just hoped she didn't get into trouble. She could handle this, she was nervous being alone in there with him but she wasn't going to let it show. "I'm Dr. Anna," she said keeping her tone soft, "I'm here to help you. I need you to relax no one is going to hurt you." She said as she walked closer to the bed.

He jumped off the gurney and came towards her, Anna went to step back just as his fist came into contact with her face. As she attempted to recover from the first blow, she felt him hit her again this time lower her stomach, she wanted to vomit. Her knees went out as she dropped to the ground as she felt his foot go into her side, over and over again, pain shot thru her entire body as she tried desperately to crawl away. 'My baby, no this can not be happening not now, not now'. She needed out of there now. She put all of what energy she had left into getting to the door. She was almost there when she felt him pick her up by the back of the neck, her body now almost limp, he slammed her into the wall, before spinning her around and hitting her again.

She tried to call out but she couldn't breathe, she couldn't get the words to come out. She focused everything she had now on getting out of there as she brought her leg up to kick him, but all she did was aggravate him even more, she had stunned him enough that she was in reach of the fire alarm while he was distracted from her feeble kick she hit the glass and pulled it. "Damn." She heard him say before she felt his grip on her tighten slamming her into the wall again. She then found herself flying thru the air hitting the door and sliding across the hallway floor coming to rest against the wall. She didn't want to move everything hurt... she fought to stay awake, to move further away from the room, but the intense pain that was now surging thru her overwhelmed her senses and caused her to black out.

Doug's 'difficult' patient wasn't anything more than a LOL who was altered. "I can't believe you drug me in here for this." he said trying to act serious. Doug quickly smiled as he saw the med student's face look worried. "Hey don't worry. The number one rule of medicine is 'always ask a doc if you're not sure' ok." Doug's thought was interrupted by the fire alarm. "Oh what now?" he said turned as another student grabbed his arm.

"We need someone in exam one."

Doug rolled his eyes. Anna should be ready by now. "Who is we?" he asked the student.

"Ummm Del Amico I think...she told me to find a doctor and get some haldol."

Doug nodded and walked to the medicine lock up. He wished they'd turn the alarm off. No one was paying attention to it anyway. After grabbing some haldol and a needle he moseyed into exam one to find it empty. There was a table flipped over but nothing too out of the ordinary. "Are you sure it was exam one?" he asked turning around. As the student started to answer Doug's eyes caught a small patch of blood by the door. Without hearing a word the student said Doug opened the door slowly in case the patient was behind it. Instead he found Anna lying on the ground. Doug walked over next to her and pulled on her shoulder. "Anna...Anna can you hear me?" he looked up at the med student. "Get a gurney! Grab another doctor or nurse...go now!" he turned his focus back on Anna. She looked pretty beaten up but she was still breathing. "Anna...Anna come on. Its Doug, can you hear me?"

Abby listened to an extremely babbling med student who wasn't making any sense. She grabbed the closest gurney and ran into exam one. "Doug," She said crossing the room, "I've got a med student who's babbling about you needing." She stopped as she noticed it was Anna on the floor, "oh god what happened?"

Doug looked over his shoulder and was glad to see Abby. "I don't know...just help me lift her up. Grab me a backboard and a C collar." he said making sure to stabilize Anna's neck with his hands before rolling her onto her back.

Abby slid a backboard down next to them and handed Doug a C collar. Before helping him move her onto the board. "Trauma 2 is open right now." Abby said waiting for him to count before lifting her up onto the gurney.

"Alright." he said snapping the collar on. "One...two...three." he said as he lifted her up. A shot of pain got sent down his back and he barely got Anna on the board before his strength gave out. "You take her in...Is Weaver on tonight? We need her in there."

Abby started to push the gurney across the hall, "yeah she is." She said as she pushed the door open with her back as she pulled it the rest of the way in. She started an IV, "I think I saw her at admit Doug." Abby kept her eye on Doug waiting for him to start giving orders. She had a pretty good feel for what he was going to want if he was going to do anything. As she put her head out the door, "Kerry, we need you in here now!" She yelled down the hall.

Kerry heard Abby call her and she hurried towards the trauma room, she paused for a minute when she realized who it was, "okay let's get x-ray in here c-spine first people." She started to check Anna over, "get an orbital and right wrist film too."

Doug stayed in the hall. He couldn't be in there and work on her again. He knew nothing was life threatening but a thousand things were running through his head. 'What if she was hit in her stomach? What if she hit her head again? What if I hadn't come here? This is my fault again...damn it.' Doug couldn't think of the right thing to do. He was hurting from his back, and because of his best friend looking like that. He walked over and sat in a car outside the room. He figured if something serious happened he would hear it. Otherwise he didn't want to be in there.

Abby was checking Anna over where she realized that there was a lot of blood at one end of the gurney but Anna wasn't injured. Doug hadn't come inside; she knew that this had to be hard on him, even though they weren't together, Abby's anger melted when she realized what was happening. "Dr. Weaver." Abby pointed out what was going on to her as gently as she could. Abby grabbed the sonosite and took a look. The news wasn't good at all. After the got Anna somewhat stable and on her way up to CT. It looked like all in all Anna was going to be okay; she had some broken ribs and a concussion from the looks of it and a broken wrist. If he asked she would tell him what she knew, but with the way that things appeared she wasn't sure if he knew about what all way going on. She wasn't sure just how much of what she knew she should tell him. Abby went out and found Doug and sat down next to him, "you okay?"

Doug nodded as he looked at her. "Yeah I just...my back's killing me and I didn't want to be in a trauma working on one of my friends you know?" he looked at Abby trying to read her face, trying to see if anything serious was wrong. "Is Anna ok? Anything serious?"

Abby patted his leg, "yeah she's going to be fine. She's got some broken ribs, but we're pretty sure she just has a concussion. She also broke her wrist. Nothing that she won't bounce back from ya know. Weaver has to still talk to her when she comes back down from CT here in a little bit. But we should be kicking her out of here in a few hours."

Doug tried to smile. "Thanks Abby...kind of saved the day there. Anyone find this psycho this hurt her?" he asked looking around a little. "I didn't see anyone around when I found her. Make sure people are careful ok?" he sighed as he tried to stand up. As much as he wanted to be there when Anna woke up he needed some time to chill by himself. He knew she was going to be ok...he would call her later. "Hey Abby, will you call me when they decide to discharge her? Just to make sure everything's ok?"

"Yeah I will." She said standing up, "If I'm not here I'll make sure that who ever is calls you."

"Thanks I appreciate it." he said touching her arm. Doug pulled out his script pad and wrote a quick note. "Run this up to her when you get a chance." he said folding the paper up and handing it to Abby. "I took good care of you...sorry for getting you into more trouble. I know you'll be fine though...just give me a call so I will be able to sleep tonight. love- D." he knew Abby wouldn't read it but hoped that it might make Anna feel a little better. Doug walked over to admit and grabbed his stuff. He went outside and made his way to the EL and then his house. The weather was turning nicer. Although it was still cold at night it wasn't nearly as bad...maybe the spring would bring better things for them both. Doug walked into his house and set his stuff down. After getting changed out of his work clothes and into his boxers and a sweatshirt Doug grabbed a beer and his TV remote and headed into his bedroom. After watching sports center and a few episodes of Frasier, he slid down into his sheets and set his cell phone by his pillow. He needed some sleep, but he wanted to be sure to wake up if Anna called.


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter 91:**

She felt like she had been thru the wringer. Every inch of her ached in some form or another. Abby had given her the note from Doug and she half smiled when she read it. Kerry had said that she wanted to talk to her but they had gotten busy again. It would be awhile from the looks of it. It was pretty late, but it was the first time that she had actually been close to being all the way awake. The morphine was knocking her for a loop and after several attempts and trying to push the buttons on the phone in the right order she finally gave up and asked the med student standing there looking at her like she was some freak of nature to dial the phone for her.

Doug opened his eyes slowly at the sound of his cell phone. He glared at the red numbers on the clock that read 3:00 am. His phone shook on the table as his eyes adjusted to the dark. Doug grabbed it and flipped it open. "Hello?" he asked sleepily.

"Oh man I woke you." Anna said, glaring at the med student who was now messing with her IV. "Sorry I didn't mean too, but it's the first chance I got to call."

"No...It's ok" Doug said rubbing his eyes and laying down on his back again. He wasn't about to complain. "Sorry I had to leave I...well how are you doing?" Doug didn't want to get into that conversation again, especially not on the phone this early in the morning. He was just glad he had tomorrow off.

"I'm okay, been better, I can't believe though that they are having the med student that about got me killed sitting here baby sitting me." She was still glaring at him, "I'm just waiting for Kerry to come back. She said she needed to talk to me but she wouldn't say what about. And they are getting hammered out there..." She paused for a minute, "don't touch that morphine drip or I will break both your arms."

Doug smiled. "Well at least you sound like yourself...and you're not throwing up so there's a plus right there!" Doug shifted in bed as he began to wake up a little. "So did they find the guy? You need to talk to the police or something. Boy if I had been there I would have tried my best to kick his ass." Doug said almost laughing. He knew better than anyone that he would have lost that fight miserably. "Wonder what Weaver wants to talk to you about."

"Not that I know of. But then I haven't had a chance to ask. You would think that people would know not to close a door when you're in with a nut case." She said shifting in the bed. "I have no idea what Kerry wants. Probably knowing my luck to yell at me for putting myself in such a stupid, irresponsible position to begin with. I should know better than that." She now couldn't help but laugh, "you know this is pretty good stuff...I'm not feeling anything right now...hopefully doorknob boy here doesn't have it...up...to high..."

"Ut ohhh" Doug said with a laugh. "You're making me jealous. I want to have some groovy pain meds like that." he sighed as he searched for anything else to say. "Well, i better let you get some sleep. Call me tomorrow ok? ill come and check up on you if you aren't out yet...I might help ya break out or something on my day off...I'm just glad you're ok." he ended more seriously that he began but he couldn't help it. Although he was still worried about her talking to her diminished it greatly. "Goodnight Anna, call if you need anything."

"Yeah sounds like a plan to me." She was getting sleepy again. This stuff was too good. "Hey don't worry about me I'll be...just... fine...I'll...call...you...when...I...get...ho..." She was out like a light. The med student picked the phone up not sure if he should say anything to the person on the other end, "she's out."

Doug shook his head. He wanted to say 'no crap dumb ass' but just went for lighter sarcasm. "Gee thanks" he said as he clicked his phone closed. Doug got up and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge. After taking a few gulps he walked back to his bedroom and jumped into bed. It was around 3:30 and he knew he needed to grab some Z's. After grabbing another blanket from the ground Doug wrapped it around himself and fell asleep. He would go to home depot tomorrow to get paint for Anna's room. It would be a nice surprise for her and it would give him something to do with his day off.

Kerry walked into Anna's room finally around 6 am. She didn't want to have to be the one to break the news to her but she needed to do it before going off shift.

Anna slowly sat up when she felt Kerry shaking her and calling her name.

"Anna, I have something that I need to talk to you about." Kerry said sitting down near the bed.

Anna looked at her, "what is it Kerry?" She didn't like the look on Kerry's face. It was clearly screaming that something was wrong.

Kerry started to slowly explain what had happened.

As Anna took in what she was being told her heart broke in two. She fell back on the bed fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes. She wasn't pregnant, she had lost the baby. Life wasn't fair.

Kerry tried to offer her a hug and support, but Anna shrugged her off she really just wanted to be alone right now. She got up telling her that she'd be able to go home in a few hours. If she could keep some food down and take oral pain meds she'd be out of there by ten.

Anna curled up on her side the best that she could manage, she knew that she should call Doug, but she had called him just three hours ago. If he had managed to get back to sleep she didn't want to wake him back up just to listen to her crying over the phone. No she would find a way to tell him other than over the telephone. It didn't take long before she had cried herself back to sleep. Getting out of here wouldn't come soon enough for her. She just wanted to go back to her home in her own bed to be with her newfound misery.

Doug rolled awake at seven. The sun was coming in through his window and it looked beautiful outside. He got up and threw on some kaki pants and a tee-shirt before grabbing his wallet and heading for home depot. 'Good things they open early' Doug thought as he pulled up in the lot. He had stopped to get breakfast so it was nearly eight and the store was starting to crowd in the Sunday morning crunch. After looking for a few minutes Doug found some primer and brushes. He didn't want to pick a color in case Anna didn't like it so he thought he just get the primer and edging done. After everything was paid for he went over to Anna's apartment. He sweet talked his way in to another old lady and walked up to her room. Her apartment was fairly old and it didn't take much but the credit card trick to get him into the room. Doug closed the door and found her radio. After finding a suitable station he set up everything and started to paint.

Anna had picked at her food so it took her longer to get out of there than she wanted. But she had managed to keep it down and her pain pills too. She got a resident to write her a couple of scripts and waited for the pharmacy to send them up while she signed the discharge papers. When they came up she put the dilaudid and robaxin in her coat and headed out side the hospital. It was bright outside as she pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes. It at least hid the shiner that she had.

She was also glad that she lived close because she was tired and groggy still. Taking the pain meds had helped with the pain but made her head cloudy; it was hard to even think straight right now. She walked slowly, the jostling of walking made her achy. She wrapped her arms around her chest to try to keep from jarring her ribs. She thought that she saw Doug's jeep in the parking lot but shrugged it off as a hallucination. It's not like he was the only person in Chicago who drove a jeep. It had to belong to someone in the building.

She opened the front door and stood now at the bottom of the stairs...'third floor Anna, what the hell where you thinking when you moved in.' She slowly made her way up the stairs and to her apartment door. The door was unlocked and she remembered locking it when they had left yesterday. She slowly opened the door and could hear the radio on. She reached into the closet and grabbed her seven iron. Thank god she was a doctor who golfed, wait that was just about every doctor she knew. She left the door open slowly making her way further into the apartment.

"I know that someone is in here," She called out, trying to get her shaky voice to carry over the radio, her hand shaking as she held onto the seven iron. It hurt as she lifted it up to be ready to swing, she could at least cause enough damage to whoever was in there that she could make a clean break for the door. Not that she was in any shape to actually connect with anyone. She was extremely jumpy after last night, and scared to death of who might actually be in her apartment, "come out whomever the hell you are."

Doug thought he heard Anna's voice. He turned down the radio and realized that she thought he was an intruder. He walked out slowly. "Anna its Doug. It's ok"

She let out a sigh of relief when she heard his voice. "You scared the crap out of me." Anna said as she dropped the golf club instead of swinging it at him. She made her way over to the couch dropping her meds on the coffee table and slipping out of her coat before she gimped over to close the door. . "Granted I am glad that it's you, but how did you get in here and what are you doing?" As she spoke she walked over and sat down on the couch. As much as she didn't want to once he explained what he was doing there they were going to have to have that serious conversation.

"Credit card trick." Doug said with a grin. "I learned it in college when I'd lock myself out of my dorm room. You know...slide the credit card against the lock...easy way to get into old buildings. Actually you need to get better locks." he said smiling. Doug leaned against the door hinge and crossed his arms. "Actually I was trying to surprise you. I thought I'd get a head start on the painting. Don't worry I didn't buy any colors yet, but I was thinking something neutral. You know...boy or girl either way. My mom painted my room pink hoping I was a girl and it kind of scarred me don't you think?" he said with a smile

"Yeah better locks." She said she rubbed the back of her neck, reaching for the bottle of pain meds. She popped a couple in her mouth. "About the baby, uh, oh god," she said as she leaned back against the couch, "I don't know how to say this... what Kerry had to talk to me about... I honestly didn't know until a little while ago... oh hell," Anna said as she put her head on her hand looking at the floor rather than him so she could avoid seeing any pain that was about to cross his face, her voice was now not much more than a whisper as she struggled to get the words out with out turning into an emotion basket case, "I...I miscarried last night, I'm sorry Doug, I am so sorry... I lost the baby."

The emotion slid off of Doug's face. Hearing those words hurt more than he thought. After thinking of himself for a second he realized he had to think about Anna as well. He walked over to her and sat down on the couch. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry Anna." He wanted to be there for her if she needed someone to cry with. As much as it hurt him he could only imagine what carrying a child felt like...and then losing it. He didn't know how to comfort her...or what to say other than to just be there with her.

She didn't pull away and didn't fight the tears that were now in her eyes. She blamed herself for this. When she spoke her voice was low and soft, "it's all my fault...I knew better, but yet I still went in there..." The emotions inside her will still raw, almost as raw as when Kerry broke the news to her. "Please don't hate me. I didn't mean for this to happen."

Doug tried to roll back his tears. It was his turn to be strong. "Ohh sweetheart...i don't hate you." he pulled her closer to him and kissed the top of her head. "It's not your fault. There's no way you could have known this was going to happen." Doug gently rubbed her back. He knew no matter what he said she was going to feel bad. "Don't think for a second I'm mad, because I'm not...not at you. I'm upset with the situation...and i could kill that patient, but I'm not angry with you. Don't ever think that."

She stayed right where she was letting the tears fall. Letting him be her only source of comfort right now. She knew that this was just as hard on him as it was on here. It didn't take long for the dilaudid to kick in and sleep to take a hold of her.

Doug felt her go limp a little and realized she was probably pretty tired. He scooted back into the couch and put her head in his lap and he feet on the couch. Doug pulled a blanket over her and gently stroked her face. 'How could this happen?' he thought to himself. Just as i got use to the idea of having a child it gets taken away?' he sighed as he let his thoughts take over his mind, although he never let his touch leave Anna. She needed someone it be there for her and, for better or worse, it was him.

The events of the night before were vivid and real, reliving them. She could feel him still there with her, the barrage of kicks, the slamming of her up against the wall. She couldn't get away, she wanted to fight but she couldn't she was trapped and she couldn't get out, she couldn't get away. It hurt so badly, she bolted upright gasping for air realizing that it had all been nothing more than a dream haunting her.

Doug felt Anna shoot up, gasping and breathing hard. He immediately wrapped an arm around her chest. "It's ok Anna...just a dream." he pulled her back unto a tight hug until he felt her relax a little. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." It was easier to lie; she didn't want to talk about it. Kerry had wanted her to talk to someone about it, something about suffering from PTSD. She just needed to pull herself together and get her head out of her arse. She reached over once more for the bottle to take a couple more even though she had no idea what time it was.

Doug took the bottle from her. "Hey...you just took some 30 minutes ago. If you're in that much pain let me take you back to the hospital." he knew how he sometimes over medicated when things weren't going right...actually as of lately. She didn't need to be doing the same thing. Especially not with that strong of drugs.

What did he think he was her mother? "No, I don't need to go back there." She said keeping her tone inline.

Doug could sense some disdain in her voice. "alright." he said moving her over and standing up. "Maybe i should just go anyway. Ill clean up your room in there soon...sorry about the mess."

"You don't have to worry about it. I got it, I can clean it up, it was a nice offer though, and I do appreciate it." She said softly putting her hands back in her head, "I'll be fine."

"Yeah sure" Doug said holding the bottle in his hands. She didn't look alright but he didn't want to push her to talk. She was probably sick of him being around all the time anyway. Doug walked into the other room and set two pills by her bed. He slipped the bottle into his pocket as he grabbed his jacket and bag. He hoped she wouldn't be mad but he didn't want to leave her at home with all of her meds, besides it would give him a good excuse to come over later and hang out with her. No one needed to be alone all night after a day like she had. After he got his things together he walked back into the living room and headed towards the door. He opened it up and turned around. "Hey...I'm going home to do some work, might be out a little but call me if you need to ok? Ill always have time for you."

"Yeah sure," She said not bothering to look up, "want to give me back my dilaudid please before you go?" If he wasn't going to it wasn't like she didn't have something else she could take, not that she was going to tell him that.

Doug didn't even flinch. He could lie with the best of them. "It's by your bed." he turned to shut the door but stopped instead. "That stuff's strong Anna" he was going to go on but decided better of it. He quickly closed the door and headed out for his car. She didn't need anymore than he had left for her anyway. He would bring it back. 'What it's not like I'm going to take it' he said to himself shaking his head. He felt bad for leaving; she did seem a little strange. After jumping into his car Doug decided it might be fun to blow off some steam at a basketball court. It had been a little while since he had practiced and it couldn't hurt as long as he took it slow.


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter 92**

She waited until she was sure he was gone before she got up and walked into the bedroom, by the bed her ass... he left her two...she rolled her eyes as she walked over to the closet she reached in and pulled out an old shoe box. She pulled the lid off, "okay so what do we have in here..." she lifted out the prescription bottles, percocet, stadol, darvocets... her head and heart ached. Numb she just wanted to be numb right now. Stadol it was, that outta do the trick. She put the other bottles back into the closet and headed out to the kitchen to get a bottle of water before moving back to the bed. "Goodbye pain hello no feelings." She said to herself.

Doug found a YMCA and parked. After going through his trunk to find some shorts he walked in and changed. Being on a Sunday afternoon there weren't many people there. Just one blonde woman on a half court shooting free throws. Doug changed and laced up his tennis shoes. He didn't even give the woman a look as he grabbed a ball and jogged over to the other side. He tried to throw a lay up but everything was off. The ball smacked against the glass and came down. He shrugged it off and tried for some free throws. After missing five in a row he heard a smart ass voice behind him. "Your backspin's throwing you off." Doug turned around and shot the woman a look. "i know how to shoot thanks." after adjusting his spin this time the shot went in. "told ya" she said turning back around. Doug pretended to be annoyed. "Hey...like getting into peoples games do you?" she gave a cocky smile. "That's your game is it? Too bad, here i thought you looked like an athlete." with that she walked back over to her side of the court. Doug grinned as he noticed how pretty she was...and not overly young, more his age. "How about one on one then?" Doug asked after a minute

Anna went in and started to pick up the bedroom where Doug had been painting. Leave it to a man to start a project and not finish it. Her mind was going 90 miles an hour with everything that had happened now. And how dare he take her meds. It's not like she was some kind of drug addict. She just wanted to get thru the next couple of days. Her life was not his to mess with anymore. She wasn't his girlfriend; she wasn't the mother of his child. She wasn't anything. That realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She would find a way to get over her hang up with him. To be just his friend, but right now she had other things that she had to work thru first. She closed the door to the second bedroom and went back into hers as she tossed and turned trying to find a sleep that was far out of her reach. When she did manage to drift off, her sleep wasn't restful it was tormented. She moved from the bedroom back to the couch taking the two that he left and the bottle that she had pulled from the closet with her. She turned on the fireplace and laid down with a blanket over her to watch the flames dancing, and to sleep.

After forty five minutes of getting his butt kicked by a girl Doug gave up. "Ok, ok you win i loose!" he said out of breath.

The woman just smiled at him as she stuck out her hand. "My names Lynn Rodgers there ace. What about you?"

Doug stood up and tried his best to look pumped up. "Doug Ross." he said as he shook her hand. He checked his watch, it wasn't too late. "Hey...you think you might want to grab lunch? I haven't really had much to eat all day."

Lynn just smiled. "I don't know about that. I don't go on dates with strange men i just meet."

Doug just shook his head. "It's not a date. Let's just say I'm making amends for stinking so bad. I did just get better from a car accident ill have ya know." he joked.

"Oh I'm sure" Lynn spouted back debating whether or not to go with him. He was awfully cute. "Ok sure...but nothing too fancy."

Doug just nodded. "Sure, there is a bar down the street. Maybe i can take you in pool or something." he said as they walked for the door. They walked a few blocks together. Doug opened the door for her and they sat down and ordered some burgers. Lynn turned out to be fairly interesting. A writer for the Chicago times she was from Seattle and moved to Chicago for school. Doug laughed as he told her he did a little of the opposite. She seemed somewhat interested in him as their lunch wrapped up. "So...I'm not going to have to stalk the YMCA to meet you again am i?" Doug joked.

Lynn just shook her head. "No but if you give me your number i just might call you sometime."

Doug pulled the napkin from under his drink and wrote down his cell and house number for her before engaging her in more conversation. It was nice to get his head away from Anna for awhile. Although Lynn looked similar to her she was much taller and looked to have a more athletic build. after another half and hour they both wished each other well and Doug was on his way back to his jeep, very proud of himself for finding someone outside his normal range.

Anna woke with another start. The same dream. She got up and went into the kitchen. Nothing was easing any of this. She walked back to the couch with the JD bottle and sat down popping to more stadol chasing them with the whiskey. Maybe now she would be able to get some sleep. She closed the blinds before laying down making the room as dark as she possibly could. As she kicked back and closed her eyes. This was not the way that she imagined her life was going to go, not anywhere close to it. Where the hell was Doug and her pain meds. She still was upset that he had the nerve to walk off with them. She ran thru her mind the million and one things that she could say to him about it. Nothing like giving her time to plot and to stew.

Doug drove home happier than when he had left. Maybe finding someone outside of County, with similar interests was a good way to get over Anna. They certainly weren't going anywhere now. He made his way home and started to pick up a bit. After grabbing some of his reports and sitting down at his dinner table he made a quick grocery list and decided to go back out again. He needed to be around people, he didn't want to sit in his house alone. Doug jumped in his jeep and drove to the nearest Publix where he grabbed a cart and started to shop. He smiled as he stopped by the animal crackers. 'I have to grab a few of these' he thought

Anna got up off the couch, she picked up her cell phone and hit Doug's number, how dare he keep her waiting this long; she could take them every four hours. She took a swig out of the JD bottle while she waited for him to answer.

Doug felt his phone vibrate he as was looking at the animal crackers and smiling to himself. He flipped it open without looking at the caller id. "Doug Ross" he said in a cheerful voice.

"Glad that you are so happy." Anna said flatly into the phone, "did you forget about me? I'd really like to be able to take my PAIN MEDICATION. 2 every 4 hours Doug, I'd really like to have it, if it wouldn't inconvience you to bring it back to me."

Doug rolled his eyes as he looked at his watch. It was just past the four hour mark. "I'll be there soon." he said hanging up the phone. Boy she didn't sound like she needed it; either that or she was just really upset with him. Doug bought the few things that he had in a cart and decided to finish shopping later. After he packed them up in his jeep he made his way over to Anna's apartment. It was his luck that someone was coming out as he was going in. he slowly walked up the three flights, a little tired after his basketball game, and took a breath before knocking on Anna's door.

After hanging up the phone she had taken the cigarettes out of the nightstand, turned on her Evanescence CD and had gone out on to the half balcony that was outside her bedroom. She lit it slowly for some reason almost savoring it. She focused on the words coming from the song, 'I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more, so much more, I lie dying, pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding, screaming, am I too lost to be saved.' Those words echoed so true right now. She had watched him pull into the parking lot and she figured that he had come in when her neighbor had left. Her mind wandered away from her. Asking herself over again was she too far gone now. She could feel her life spinning out of control, and there wasn't a damn thing that she felt she could do to stop it. If she closed her eyes the nightmare never ended, awake now she was alone with her thoughts. He didn't need this; she didn't want him to see her this way, broken and falling. She really didn't want her best friend to watch her go thru this hell, all the hurt, the pain, the anger, what she wanted to hide most from him was all the fear and insecurities that she was feeling. Right now she felt as if she was a complete failure, she had failed as a wife; she had failed him as a friend, as a lover, and to do something as simple as to have a baby. Medicine was the only thing that she could do right. It would be so much easier to push him as far away from her as she could than to tell him what was going on. She wasn't going to dump this on him. The though of Kerry wanting her to see a shrink angered her. She didn't need to sit on a couch in a cold office explaining her life having someone else point out all her wrong doings, how messed up she and no one else had made things the way they were but her. She had tried that with Max, in a last ditch effort to try to fix things between them before she had given up on them all together. Doug would be able to move on, find someone better and more deserving of him, than her. In loving him, Anna had done nothing but brought him pain and misery, loneliness and heartache. She wasn't going to bring another man down. She heard a knock on her door snapping her from her thoughts and she wiped what tears were under her eyes, she'd pretend that everything was alright, that she was going to be okay. That none of this bothered it, it was killing her inside. She leaned back so that she was partially in the apartment, "its open Doug." She called trying to put some form of emotion into her voice. Forgetting that she had left a mess in the living room, the Demerol bottle, the JD still sitting on the coffee table...maybe it was her subconscious crying out for help, where she couldn't bring herself to admit she was heading down a road that would end for her ultimately in self destruction.

Doug heard her and walked in. He wasn't in a very good mood after their conversation on the phone and was dreading her reaction to him. He walked in and looked around for her. The first things his eyes saw was the bottle of jack daniels and two bottles of pills on the table. he walked over and looked at the name. they weren't even prescribed to Anna. his emotions started to throw him right then. he didn't know if he should go with his instinct to be pissed as hell or to comfort her. he held the bottles in his hands and walked over to her balcony. "what is this?" he asked in a harsh tone

She tuned to look at him, she looked him right in the eyes, and made a feeble attempt to hide any pain that was in her eyes and from her face," they are pain meds, narcotics."

Doug couldn't believe her. "Yeah i know...but they're not yours Anna. you cant friggin drink and take narcotics! are you out of your mind? this is the reason that i took that bottle away from you to begin with! you want to just throw your whole damn life away!" Doug couldn't help but yell at her. it made him furious that she wouldn't talk to him if she needed to. she had to turn to drugs and risk not only their work but both their reputations

She didn't raise her voice, she didn't yell, she wasn't sure how she was managing to stay so calm, "I'm not throwing my life away. Nobody gives a damn anyway. What do you care anyway?" She was quiet, "I'm nothing more than a friend to you."

Doug just about lost it. "What the fuck Anna! How the hell do you know what you mean to me? I wouldn't be over here if I didn't care what you did with your life. The fact that I'm this upset should let you know I care a whole lot!" Doug threw the bottles as hard as he could against the wall. They shattered on contact, the medication going everywhere. "Damn it don't tell me i don't care about you!" Doug wished he could tell her his feelings were deeper for her than just that of a friend but his anger was clouding everything.

She dropped to her knees covering her head. The sound of shattering bottles, the yelling, she wasn't there with Doug anymore. Her mind had flashback to another place in time. "You're right, you're right." She screamed out, "don't, please no!"

Doug just shook his head as he left her on the balcony. she was totally strung out. he stormed into her room and started to tear through her drawers for any signs of different meds. Doug threw her clothes on the floor as he looked through everything. he couldn't believe it had come to this.

She uncurled herself when the yelling stopped. He was tearing her bedroom apart. "What the hell are you doing?"

Doug stopped and turned to her "I'm going to find whatever else you're taking. This is going to stop here and now!" he said slamming her mattress down. Doug flung open the closet door and started to throw stuff out. he was bound and focused on finding what she had hidden.

"You're the one who has lost their mind Doug, knock it off, or you can leave right now." She said to him, "I don't need another big brother watching over me. I have enough of my own."

"Well then your brothers need to get their ass down here and fix this!" he yelled before he turned back around. he pulled at the top of her closet and a few boxes came down on him. they all opened up as they fell. most was just junk and pictures but Doug saw a bottle in the mess. he picked it up and walked over to her. Doug got into her face and gabbed her arm. "what the hell is going on? where did you get this? damn it tell me NOW!"

"I don't have to tell you a damn thing. Let go of me." She said trying to pull her arm free, "just who the hell do you think you are?"

Doug just held her arm tighter. He wasn't just going to let this slide. "I'm trying to look out for you since you cant do it for yourself...is this how you want to end up? Like Max of all people?"

"I am not some addict!" She snapped back at him she was so close to losing her temper hearing him compare her to Max it hurt, "I have it under control. Go ahead, tell me just how worthless I am, tell me that I am nothing, go ahead there's nothing stopping you."

"You're not nothing! You're just some drug seeking freak at the moment! Look I'm sorry you lost the baby but this isn't the way to handle it! Why don't you just get over it?" Doug really didn't mean that but he was far from rational thought

"Get over it." Oh god that hurt, this was not something that you got over it a matter of hours. She brought her hand up and slapped him as hard as she could.

Doug stopped as he felt the impact on his face. He instantly let go of her arm and the bottle at the same time. He thought after all their conversations about him being hit as a kid she would know better than to do it. A twang of pain spread across his face as his tone dropped to a whisper. "That's it." he said stepping away from her. "I'm done. Throw away your career, kill yourself...I'm done." Doug started to walk back to her living room and turned as he set her medication on the coffee table. "Don't bother to come back to work for me unless you have this sorted out. You need help Anna, but I'm not going to keep putting myself on the line for you. I'm done being your watcher and I'm done being your friend...I'm done with it all." his tone was quiet and flat. Being hit hurt him worse than anything she could have done. Doug walked to the door and stopped before he exited. "I hope you pull it together Anna. I really do. But don't you ever ask me for anything until you do. This is your life to ruin and I'm going to let you go for it." he turned to look at her and shot her a look a true disappointment. "I hope I see you soon." he said before closing the door and walking down the stairs. He had tried all he could and now he was going to give up. He didn't have anything else to give and he sure as hell wasn't going down with her.

Her worst fear was coming true. The silence of the apartment filling her ears. Tears falling from her eyes. She had succeeded in pushing him away. She ran for the front door, "wait please, I just want the pain to go away. It's eating me alive, I can't make it stop it won't go away. I close my eyes and it happens over and over again. I need help, but please don't make me see a psychiatrist."

Doug stopped at her voice and turned his head. He was hurt and didn't know what else to do. "I'm sorry I can't help you Anna...you do what you want. you always do." with that he kept waling out her building until he got to his car.

She sat on the steps for a minute. She hadn't meant to hit him. She was just frustrated and felt boxed in. He wasn't ever going to understand what going on. She shook her head as she got up. It hurt knowing that he wasn't going to be her friend anymore. She got up and walked back inside her apartment to face the silence that was there now. She grabbed the phone and dialed it. "Hey Nate is Anna." She said hearing her brother's voice on the line.

"What's up Anna?" He asked.

"Can you come over?" She asked him. "Yeah, I can be there in a little bit. Something wrong?"

She paused for a minute, "Yeah there is, just come over as soon as you can okay."

"I'll be there in about 15 Anna." She hung up the phone and laid back to wait. Nathan was the brother she was closest with. Maybe it was because he was the youngest of the guys and she had been around him more, but if anyone would understand he would.

Doug sat in his car for a bit trying to compose himself well enough to drive. after about ten minutes he shifted his car in reverse and began to drive home. As soon as he had said some of those things to Anna he felt bad. he hadn't meant most of it but he didn't know what to do. It was hard for him to see her like that and not have a way to help her. He had to draw the line somewhere though. she would ask him for help or she wouldn't, either she would sort things out or she wouldn't. he couldn't fix her anymore; he had problems of his own to deal with. those were the thoughts that filled his head as he drove home. boy was it going to be a long night not knowing what was going on with her, if she was ok. he went inside his house and sat down on his couch. he was almost sick he was so filled with emotion. he dialed carol's number but got her machine. 'hey carol its Doug...please call me if you get a chance." he said before hanging up. he hated the fact he really didn't have any friends in Chicago. none but Anna. he didn't want to bring Abby into this. she already hated Anna enough, she didn't need anything else. after going through his phone directory twice he turned it off. he had no one to talk things over with. he hadn't seen carter in almost a month so that wasn't a viable option, Susan was only good for fun and drinks, and Abby hated Anna. 'great' he thought to himself. 'maybe she'll call me' he thought. a few minutes later his phone rang. his hopes dropped as he saw it wasn't Anna's number but he answered it anyway. "hello?" he asked.

"Hey Doug its Lynn. I found out i cant go out with you on Monday but how about right now?" after little debate Doug agreed to meet her in a half an hour.


	93. Chapter 93

**Chapter 93**

Anna let her brother in when he got there, and found herself sobbing the whole story to him.

"Come on Anna," He said pulling her up off the couch, "let's get out of Chicago for awhile."

She walked into her bedroom, clothes still everywhere from Doug throwing them while he was tearing stuff apart she threw some clothes into a duffel bag, "where we going Nate?" She asked.

"Well I thought you and I could go visit Justin."

She smiled for the first time all day, "what he's in the states?"

Nate smiled when he saw his baby sister's eyes light up like that. "Yeah he's down in Norfolk right now. Come on road trip little sister, road trip."

Anna didn't waste any time locking up the apartment. Doug told her not to come back to work until she had things straightened out. After everything she figured she was owed a couple of days anyway. She headed down to Nate's car. "Can we put the top down? I know it's chilly but please." She threw her stuff into his car.

"Yeah anything for you Anna."

She smiled as she climbed in Nate putting the top down as they hit the road. "We haven't done this in a long time." Anna said looking over at him.

"I know Anna, I'm just sorry that you had to go thru all of that." He said.

"It's okay it might do me some good to get out of there anyway with everything that's been going on. And who better to have a road trip to Norfolk Virginia with than my older brother, besides Doug told me I needed to have one of my brother's fix it, who better than you." She leaned back in the car seat, "just don't get mad if I fall asleep on you it's been a long day okay." She said putting her feet up on the dash as the wind started to blow through her hair.

"I won't Anna." He said to her, "you know though you might want to let someone know that you left town so they don't worry about you."

She looked over at him, "I will eventually, it's not like I have anyone talking to me right now anyway. They have my cell phone number if they get worried."

Doug met Lynn for drinks. He spoke in hypotheticals in case she met Anna one day. Lynn told him she understood how he could be so upset and worried. "I just don't really have anyone to talk to." Doug said dropping his head. He had only spoken to this woman twice and already he was telling her his problems. They stayed at the bar for hours just talking. Although she had never had something similar happen Doug felt as the advice she had given him was worth thinking about. Not to call Anna for awhile, wait a few days and if she didn't contact him casually call. They could calmly talk over the situation but not to apologize. She needed to admit she had a problem. After their conversation Doug looked at his watch, it was getting pretty late. "Thanks Lynn...for talking. I know this isn't your idea of a nice date or anything."

She just smiled at him. "No...But spending time with a gentleman is." they both stood up together and went for a walk around the lake. It was dark and cold but the weather was nice enough. Doug really did hope Anna was ok. He hoped she would get some help.

Anna and Nate had stopped for food and were not back on the interstate. She looked over at him, "you know I appreciate this Nate." She said looking over at him, "I forgot what is what like to just up and, not have to worry about anything."

Nate looked at his sister, "yeah I know things haven't been easy for you lately. Seems like moving back to Chicago wasn't your brightest idea."

"I don't know about that. I like it there. Besides it wasn't all bad." She said, "I'll try to fix things with him when we get back. You know it's not like we've got anything romantic anymore, but he's a good friend. I'd like to find our way back to that."

Nate batted at his sister's head, "you will kiddo." They drove with nothing but the radio between them for a little while. It was going to take some time to get down there and as miserable as she was when she left, she had to admit being there with Nate she was feeling better the further they got away from Chicago.

Doug and Lynn walked along the lake for awhile while they talked about her. Doug liked learning about her...listening about her life. She had played basketball in college as well and seemed to like a lot of the same things as him. "Well I have a proposition for you..." Doug started. "I just so happen to have courtside tickets to Tuesday's bulls 76ers game. Would you like to go?"

Lynn smiled. "Of course i would if you want to spend the ticket on me."

Doug just nodded. He didn't think that Anna would go with him now and it would be a waste to not use such a good ticket. They walked and talked a little more until Doug realized that it was almost 11. "I should get you home." he said coming back to his car. Lynn actually didn't live all that far from him. Following her directions he pulled up to her house in less than ten minutes. "Thanks again for talking. I really appreciate it." he said with a smile.

She just patted his hand. "Hey anytime ok?" with that she got out of his car and went to her house.

Doug waited for her to get inside before going to his own home. As soon as he walked in his heart sank as he saw he didn't have any messages. He thought Anna would have called him for sure. He had to be up early so he jumped into the shower quickly and got into his bed clothes. After watching a little of sports center and climbed into bed and tried to sleep. For the first hour his thoughts were filled with Anna and 'what ifs' after that he tried to clear his mind and eventually fell asleep.

Anna and Nate stayed on the road talking about this and that. About his snowboarding competitions, life growing up, and this and that. The sun was up before the realized that they had been driving all night.

"Hey what do you say we grab a bite to eat and then stop for a few hours and catch some sleep?" Nate said to her.

"Yeah that sounds like a plan. It's been a long time since I've been up all night talking." They pulled into a drive thru getting something to eat and then found a spot to sleep for awhile. "You know," She said as she flopped down on the bed, "you and I need to do this more often."

Nate growled at her, "Yeah right with your busy doctor life. I don't think so; you never have time for anything anymore."

Anna threw a pillow at him, "well I can make time for stuff like this." He threw it back at her, "you have to promise to call and let someone know where you are." It was Anna's turn to growl at him, "forget it mister, and now go to sleep so we can get back on the road soon." She said as she closed her eyes. She was sore, but it wasn't as bad as she remembered it being before. It was going to take them two days to drive down there, she wanted to stay for at least three days visiting with Justin, she wasn't sure when she would get to see him again or if he would be shipping out again soon, and then another 2 days to get back. That was a week, she might have to look for a new job when she got back, she was pretty sure that this was going to get her fired. Oh well, it's not like County was the only hospital in Chicago and she had connections elsewhere. She and Nate slept for a couple of hours and by 8 am they were back on the road, no rest for the wicked. They had a lot of ground to cover.

Doug woke at the sound of his alarm. He grumbled but got up. After getting dressed he was out of his house quickly. He wanted to go to work and get started. Do anything to take his mind off Anna. He walked in and set his things in his locker. He rubbed his eyes as he walked to admit. He was going to have to pull a double since Anna wasn't there. He sighed as he started going through the charts to find a good one to have. He needed to talk to weaver and tell her...some of what had happened.

Kerry walked up to admit, "Morning Doug." She said looking at him, "Do you have a few minutes that we could talk?"

Doug looked up. He wondered what she had to talk to him about. He hoped he hadn't upset her the other night. "Sure i do" he said setting down the charts and turning to face her. "What's going on?"

"I know that Anna is one of your doctors, but she's also one of mine, I told her that she wasn't going to be able to return to work until she had seen and spoken with Dr. Meyers." Kerry said looking at him, "I was hoping that you would back this up and not let her work peds until she's had a chance to decompress from all of this, I'm worried that she's going to suffer post-traumatic stress disorder from the attack the other night."

Doug tried to keep the idea of talking to Kerry about her out of his head. "I'm with you." he said nodding. "I already told her she wasn't working for me until she got some things straightened out in her personal life. I don't really expect her to be back anytime soon actually. So i think i need to hire a temp for the time being." he scratched his head. He should tell Kerry but he just didn't think it was right. It was between Anna and him...if Anna didn't get things fixed then he would take it to the next level but not now. "Is that all?"

"No that was all, I left her a message telling her that I set up a mandatory meeting with Meyers this afternoon and if she wants her job she'd better be there. I know that what she went thru was rough, but in order to make ensure the well being of my staff I have to take a hard line on this." Kerry said as she walked away, "She'll be okay, it might take some time, but we'll have her back."


	94. Chapter 94

**Chapter 94:**

Anna was singing alone with the CD as they flew down the interstate in Nate's convertible. She hadn't taken anything for the pain since they had left Chicago. She knew that if she needed it Nate had it safely hidden away all she had to was ask him for it. Her head was finally clear and she was feeling pretty good all things considered.

"I'm here with out you baby you're still on my lonely mind i think about you baby and I dream about you all the time, I'm here with out you baby you still with my in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me yeah these miles just keep rolling as the people weave their way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go, go oh yeah yeah." She couldn't help but think about him while she was singing. Maybe she should call home and let them know she was just taking some time off to recover from everything, but he said that he didn't want to do this anymore, that he didn't want to be her friend.

She wasn't going to call him, she needed to get away from it all and find someway not to have him in the front of her mind all the time. She didn't regret leaving, maybe the way that she left. If and when he ever wanted to talk then he'd call. She doubted that she was even missed yet. She looked at Nate as she turned down the radio, "tell me Nate, is there still that opening for a doctor on the mountain dew team?" She asked.

"Why do you ask now Anna, you told me a long time ago that you wouldn't want a job taking care of me every time I cracked my head open on the slopes."

She looked at him, "well I might need a job after this, taking care of you and Matt and Ben wouldn't be all that bad. What are you up to 4 or 5 concussions for the season now?" She laughed.

"Hey now Gabby, that's enough of that, I have only had one this year."

Doug rubbed his face. Anna better make sure she was in today. He didn't want her to loose her job. Against his better judgment he picked up the phone and dialed her house number. Surprised when he got the machine Doug left a rather scattered message. "Hey...Anna it's ...well it's Doug. I just wanted to let you know that Weaver really expects you to come in today and talk...and see Dr. Myers. Ummm so please do." he hung up the phone and wondered why she wasn't there. It was fairly early still. He shook it from his head and grabbed a chart to have something to do.

Anna looked out as they were getting closer it was 813 miles from Chicago to Norfolk. They had a little over 500 down now. She looked at Nate a minute, "hey why don't we go into Washington D.C. and see some of the site, you know visit the Washington Memorial, maybe see the White House. It's not like we are in a big hurry are we. I mean we are right here."

Nate looked at her, "are you sure you want to do that. I mean don't we have a job that we have to get you back to."

Anna thought about it for a minute. "Yeah I really do want to do it. I love my job Nate, but I just need a break ya know. It's all I've been doing for the past 5 years. Work, work and more work. I buried myself thinking that if I did nothing but that I could escape the real world...but right now I want to live in the real world, it's time that I stop using my job as an excuse not to live life to it's fullest. When and if I go back, I'll deal with Doug and Kerry then, and the fall out from my absence."

Nate turned serious on her," Gabby look seriously I'm worried about you. You've never talked like that, about walking away from your job, what's really going on with you?"

"I know things got out of control. Justin should know someone on base that I can talk to." She said as she ran her hands thru her hair, "As much as I hate them, I need help. I never thought that I would ever say this, especially after what I went thru with Max, Nate I have a problem, things got ugly and I tried to deal with it with drugs. When I get things settled down I'm going to start going back to the NA meetings again. I have to get control back of my life and until I can do that I won't be practicing medicine anywhere. I think no you know I know that I lost my best friend because of this." Anna looked at her phone for a minute. Calling him crossed her mind, but she thought that he probably didn't want to hear her voice right now.

"You'll find your way back kiddo." Nate said, "You know that Justin and I will help you get thru this, you just got lost, but I'm right here beside you and we'll get you back. Everything is going to be all right doc gabby; you've never not been able to bounce back."

"I know it's just going to take some time." She said as she sat back watching the interstate fly by them. It didn't take them long to make there way into DC and soon where seeing the sights acting like a couple of goofy tourists. Anna was having fun as they acted like a couple of kids. They grabbed a bit to eat while they were in DC, before they hit the highway. Another 6 hours and they would be in Norfolk.

Kerry got the call from Dr. Meyers telling her that Anna hadn't been in the office today for the appointment that Kerry had set up for her. There was something up with Anna, Kerry hoped that it was something serious. Maybe she had overslept; after all she probably needed it. When she did show up Kerry would take the time and talk to her before she made a decision whether or not to fire her. Kerry hung up the phone and went back to work.

One long shift later Doug was ready to go home. No real peds traumas had happened but he had helped out with some adults. He sighed as he packed up his things and headed out. He called Lynn on his way home. "Hey...just wondering if maybe you had changed your mind about not being able to go out tonight. I can offer you a real date." She agreed to meet him for a late dinner so Doug went home to get ready. His heart sank again as he checked his messages and none were from Anna. He felt really bad that he had just left her, but he had called her and left her a message. If she wanted to see him she would call, if not then he knew that their relationship had really ended. Doug dressed casually and went out to meet Lynn at a nearby restaurant. He was there early but decided to order a drink anyway. After taking some of his back medication he sat there at the table and waited for his date to show.

Anna was happy when they finally pulled into Norfolk. She was excited to see her brother finally after several months. They pulled into his apartment complex and went inside. Anna, Justin, and Nat talked for awhile as Anna explained everything that had happened. He thought that it might be best if she saw a friend of his and set them up to meet in the morning. Before they all climbed into the car and headed over a bar to eat and drink.

Anna hounded Justin with questions about what it was like to be overseas. She was just happy to be with family right now. Thoughts of Chicago far from her head. It was still early when they got back from the bar. Anna and Justin sat outside on the steps to his apartment talking. Nate had gone inside. She was comfortable talking to him.

Justin looked at her as they stood up to go inside, "Anna, he's your friend, you should at least let him know that you're okay, well not okay but, you know what I mean. He's probably worried about you."

Anna shrugged her shoulders as she walked in and headed for the bedroom, "I'm not going to argue with you. You're probably right. I'll call him." She didn't know what to say, but she knew that she couldn't just leave things the way they were. She dialed his house number, after getting his machine; she listened to his voice waiting for the recording to end, "I'm sorry. Look I'm not in Chicago anymore. I don't know if or when I am going to come back. I know that I've hurt you more than I wanted to. I'm not okay but I will be. Call me if you want to, if not I completely understand." She hung up the phone.

He was probably moving on with his life anyway. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was probably the last person that he wanted to talk to. Maybe it was better that she hadn't left a message. She got ready for bed after not sleeping much the last night. Justin and Nate were sleeping out in the living room giving her the bed. The privies of being the baby sister. She laid her head down on the pillow. She half listened to them as she tried to fall asleep she knew that they were talking about her, but she wasn't going to let it bother her. After all they were just worried about her and what had happened. Hell, even she had to admit she was worried about it. She couldn't get to sleep no matter how hard she tried. It was going to be another long night and she had no one to keep her company. She had talked Nate's ear off and she was sure that he was dead tired; the snores coming from the other room confirmed that suspicion. She thought about calling him again. She looked at the clock on by the bed, the flashing numbers on Justin's clock said almost 10. The night was going to pass fast enough for her.

Doug talked with Lynn for a long time. They never really ordered anything to eat. She confessed to him that she had already eaten and he didn't have much of a hunger anyways. He really decided that he liked her. They had a lot in common and she was actually bright. Their night ended like it usually did, with some flirting but nothing more. Doug didn't want to make a mistake and take this too quickly. He dropped her off at her house and walked her to the door this time. "Thanks for going out again..." he smiled.

"You're a pretty sweet man. I would go out anytime." she said as she smiled. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before going inside.

Doug was glowing. Someone really was interested in him that he could see himself with for longer than a week. Doug made his way home smiling all the way. He walked in and listened to his messages. Anna's was the very last. He stood there thinking. He was mad and happy for her at the same time. It was good she was getting away to fix things but mad that she left without telling him, and left things like that. He just got ready for bed. He didn't want to talk to her...well that's what he told himself. After a quick shower and his meds Doug sat in his bed starring at his phone. He slowly dialed the numbers and hit send. He didn't know what he was going to say but he needed to call her back. They needed to talk.

Anna heard her phone ring, damn it she had left it in the other room. She got off the bed and stumbled as she reached for it, stepping on someone.

As she flipped it open from the floor came her brother's booming voice, "God damn it Gabby that's my head."

"Sorry Justin," She said looking at the floor, "uh hello?"

Doug was surprised to hear the commotion in the background. It threw him off and he lost his words. He wished he had something planned to say. "Uhhh hey Anna. It's Doug. This a bad time?"

"No, uh it's okay." She said her eyes trying to find the rest of her sleeping brother stretched out on the floor so that she wouldn't step on any more of him as she made her way back to the bedroom. "I stepped on Justin, he'll live I couldn't see him in the dark."

"You're staying with a guy?" Doug asked. He didn't want the jealousy to come out in his voice. As much as he wanted to move on he'd always be jealous if Anna was seeing someone.

"Well yeah you could say that, actually two of them, but Justin and Nathan are my brothers Doug." She replied, "so it's not like I'm staying with a guy guy."

"Ahh i see" he said grinning. "Well i got your message. I guess you didn't get mine at your house...what's going on? Where are you?"

"Uh no, I can't get my messages right now. Not much is going on just catching up with my brothers. "She said as she pushed the door shut and sat down on the bed."Nate asked if I wanted to take a road trip and well ya know spur of the moment kind of thing, we stopped by DC on the way down took in some sights," Anna realized that she was dancing around the real question he was asking of what was going on. "I'm in Norfolk Virginia right now." Admitting that she was in trouble was hard enough to do to Nate, she wasn't sure if she could admit it to him as well.

Doug was irritated but knew he shouldn't give her the fifth degree over the phone. "Thanks for the heads up...me being your boss and all. Kerry Weaver is not only going to have your ass but mine too. You know I'm understaffed now right?" he was making sure he wasn't yelling but his tone was harsh. "You know when you'll be back?"

She leaned back on the bed; she could sense that he was irate with her. She didn't want him to hate her in the end, it was better to just come out and be honest with him. "I don't know, end of the week maybe. I know that you are understaffed and I'm sorry, but... I. I'm in trouble, I'm in over my head Doug, I guess what I am trying to say, is that I have a problem, I abused those pain meds and I know it."

"Yeah I know. It just pissed me off I couldn't help you, but Anna there are people you can see in Chicago. You can't just blow off everything and not tell people where you are going...I...I was worried about you." Doug promised himself he wouldn't get emotionally attached again, not to her, but he could feel himself getting sucked back in.

"Nate was just trying to help." She said, "Justin had just gotten back into the states and thought that if I could see him it might open my eyes a little more. And I know there are people in Chicago who can help...it's just that I needed away from there." She wasn't sure how to explain it, "but if this has caused too much trouble I'd understand it really if you have to replace me, I'm sure Weaver will find a reason to fire me now."

"No she won't" he said flatly. He didn't want to apologize to her. It wasn't his place, not this time. But he didn't know what to do to fix their friendship. The silence made him uncomfortable as he searched for something to say. "I'm glad you're getting help though. I was kind of worried the way we left things."

"No if anyone should be sorry it's me." She said trying hard now not to cry. "All you were trying to do was be my friend and all I could try to do was try and push you away. And I succeeded. I should have just talked to you but I couldn't. It's still hard to talk about it; it's hard to even think about it. It's just going to take some time for me to get over all of this. I'll know that I can find my way back, but I know it's going to take some time."

"Yeah..." he whispered."It's just going to take a little more than sorry to..." he had to break off his sentence. His trust was broken with her and it hurt to think of it like that. "It's just...I'm a little more sensitive to getting hit then other guys. I know i shouldn't be but i can't help it. Don't think that i don't ever want to talk to you again; I'm just a little raw still. But i didn't mean what i said when i was through with you. It's going to take some time but I'm not throwing away out friendship. I'll drive myself insane thinking about you. Just make sure you let me know what's going on ok?"

"Just listen to me for a minute," Anna said taking in a deep breath of air, "I know that it is going to take more than saying I'm sorry. What I did was inexcusable. I have a long way to go, and the road isn't going to be easy. I don't expect to be forgiven for this. I'll let you know what's going on. I'm meeting with someone in the morning to talk and start to work things out. I'm going to start going to the NA meeting again, but I want you to know that I haven't taken anything since I left Chicago." This wasn't easy for her and she knew that it was probably even harder on him, "I needed to get out of there, clear my head, and not be around everything that was reminding me of everything that I have lost." Oh please don't let him take that the wrong way, "I've broken your trust in me, and it's up to me to find the way to earn that back." The conversation was getting to deep for her, "look go on, go out find yourself a beautiful, intelligent, woman who knows how to cook. I know that there's someone out there in Chicago who would treasure you. You deserve to be happy and as your friend that's all I want for you. You are and always be my best friend, but until I can learn to love myself again, I will never have a lasting relationship. And I don't know how long that's going to take. I know that I don't have the right to ask you, and it's probably not fair of me too, all I want right now is for you to be patient with me, give me the chance to try to figure this out on my own, be just my friend, please." She ran her hand under her eyes, trying her hardest to keep the emotions from showing thru the telephone.

Doug sat there silent for a minute or two not quite sure what to say. He wanted so much to tell her everything was fine and it would all be good when she got home but he couldn't make himself do it. "Alright Anna...we'll talk about it more when you get back. This conversation shouldn't be done over the phone. Just don't be gone too long. I can only promise you your job for a limited amount of time. But I'm glad things are going better. Talk to you soon." He hung up before she had a chance to say anything more. He wasn't sure he was being very objective on the situation and didn't want to say anything stupid. He leaned against the backboard of his bed and took a deep breath. Their conversation hadn't brought him good feelings, but he knew it wouldn't. It was going to be a long night.


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter 95**

She heard the phone go dead. She lay back against the bed unsure of what to do now. Maybe she should just pack up and go back to Chicago, but she didn't want to miss spending a little bit of time with Justin. She tried to sleep but it wasn't easy. Nightmares plagued her, the what could have happened. She climbed out of bed around 4:30 and tried to be quiet as she found the kitchen and coffee maker. After getting coffee she quietly made her way out the front door and sat on the steps of the porch. She must have been out there for about a half hour when she felt an arm go around her shoulders, "you okay?"

She looked up to see Justin standing there. "Yeah I didn't mean to wake you up, I couldn't sleep." She said. As they sat there in silence watching the sun up, Justin said that he had leave for a little while and if she wanted him to he'd come up to Chicago and spend a week with her. She smiled thinking that might not be a bad idea. She wasn't sure how good of company she'd be, but the idea of spending a week with him while she tried to settle back into the routine of things so she wouldn't be alone sounded good to her. She got up and showered before he took her to meet with his friend, where it all had to be relived again. She had to admit when she left after talking she was feeling better than before. Kerry was right talking to someone had been a good idea. They packed up the car and headed back towards to Chicago. They could get back faster because they wouldn't have to stop with the two boys driving. It was almost noon now, driving straight thru they would get back home a little after midnight, which was fine with her. She could go in tomorrow to talk with Dr. Meyers like Kerry asked her to, and get back into the routine of life.

Doug woke sitting up, like he had fallen asleep. His back killed him from the awkward position. He slowly got out of bed and walked into his kitchen. After popping his meds he made some toast and went into his bedroom to get dressed. Doug came back out and grabbed his toast. He held it in his mouth as he headed for the door. He was already going to be late. He started his car and headed to county. Doug sunk into his seat as he listened to the radio. He wasn't sure what Anna was going to do and that scared him. "and all of your way and all that you dream falls on me it falls on me and your beautiful sky the light you breath falls on me it falls on me." he sang low to the radio. Whatever she did was going to affect him as much as it would her because deep down, she was the love of his life. He just had to work it out.

Anna made them stop for food, her stomach was growling. She knew that Doug wasn't expecting her back so early, not much with two brother's in tow. Justin was making her a little nervous with the way he looked at her when she mentioned Doug's name around him. She tried to shrug it off as just overprotective big brother syndrome. He was pretty insistent on going with her to the hospital. She tried her best to talk him out of wanting to go with her when she went to talk to Meyers and Kerry, but he wasn't going to let her go alone. There was a nagging feeling inside her telling her that wasn't going to be good. She just hoped that she would be able to get in and out with out having to introduce him to Doug or anyone else for that matter. She was going to go to a 9 o'clock meeting before going to the hospital.

Best to get those started again before she tried to do anything else. Baby steps Anna, baby steps. The silence that was in the car was starting to get to her as she threw a French fry and Justin in the back seat and turned on the radio. She loved the song but it so reminded her of Doug as she started to sing with the radio, "I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on A new beginning. A reason for living A deeper meaning. I want to stand with you on a mountain I want to bathe with you in the sea I want to lay like this forever until the sky falls down on m And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry the tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty. That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you. Oh can't you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes 'Cause it's standing right here before you. All that you need will surely come."

Anna thought about the lyrics in that song. She knew that no matter how hard she looked she would never find another love like his, but she was going to try and move on and give him the chance find a love like that. She knew she could be his best friend, nothing more, nothing less. She would find a way to make all of this up to him. The love that she felt for him would change, from that of a lover, to one of friendship. Her heart was telling her not to let go of that love, but her head was telling her that she needed to.

Doug walked into work fifteen minutes late. He was moving slower today, and he hoped he wasn't getting sick again. With all this stress it wouldn't surprise him though. He shuffled in and tried his best to get straight to work hoping Weaver wouldn't say anything to him. He looked at the board at admit and looked through the chart. At least there were no peds waiting. He started to go through the charts to find something that looked interesting.

Kerry walked thru the ER; she stopped when she saw Doug flipping thru the charts. "Anna missed her meeting yesterday; I was hoping that you had heard from her and that she just sleeping yesterday from her meds. What's going on with her do you know?" Kerry stopped for a minute, "I'm worried about her that's all."

Doug looked up for a second and then went back to charts. He grabbed on and stuck it under his arm. He really didn't want to let Kerry into Anna's personal problems. If Anna wanted to it was her business but not his place. "Uhm I'm not real sure. I know she's out of town. If you want to get into details just call her cell." he walked quickly past her to start to work.

Kerry watched him walk off, "okay." There was something going on but it wasn't for her to find out. She was sure that everything would eventually work itself out on its own.

Doug worked on small cases right up until lunch. He grabbed a sandwich out of the vending machine and sat at admit for a bit. The day was going by fairly normal. He pulled out his meds and downed a couple. He back hadn't hurt him much in awhile but he thought it was best to keep on them so it wouldn't. He was glad he didn't have anything planned with Lynn for tonight. He needed a night to himself. He finished his sandwich and was happy to see a peds case. Nothing serious, just some croup but he'd take it. He walked into exam one to find a tiny dusty brown haired boy and his mom. "Ahh the joys of peds" he thought to himself as he started to work over the boy. Somehow working with them made him think of the baby that was lost. 'Its just cause this woman looks like Anna' he told himself. 'Your life is better now that it's over' he had to think that but he almost wished nothing had happened. That Anna still had that connection with him. 'Nine more hours' he told himself

Anna threw her hand up letting the wind hit them, "I'm the queen of the world," she cried out as her hair whipped in the wind.

She could hear laughter coming from the backseat and Nate just shaking his head at her sudden outburst. "Okay Gabby if you say so."

She looked at them both, "what, okay so I've watched that movie one too many times. Now someone make me laugh, before I start grossing you both out with stories from work." She smiled as gracefully as she could. As neither of them said anything. "Okay the other day I had this patient come in and this is after I had fished a jelly bean out of this poor kids nose, and you wouldn't believe what he had done...I am still trying to figure out how he got that pager up his..."

"Oh god stop Gabby, not another one." Justin said reaching from the backseat to swat at her. Traffic was light and they were making good time. It might not take them a full 12 hours to get back to Chicago if they could keep moving like this. She flipped open her phone and called Doug's house. She knew that he would be working so she wouldn't have to actually talk to him, she waited for his machine to pick up, "hey it's Anna, uh change of plans, I'm somewhere between Virginia and Chicago. I should be home tonight if not early tomorrow morning. I have some stuff to do before I come back to work. Uh so I guess that I will see you in a couple of days."

She hung up the phone hearing a heavy sigh from the backseat of the car, "give it a rest Justin, I don't know why you have that look on your face but you had better wipe it off of there pretty soon, I don't get into your love life, or mess with your friends, don't mess with mine." She didn't think that he would say anything back to her.

"Anna Gabriella Del Amico, I don't want to watch you go down in flames again because of some guy, I stood back and let you make that mistake once, not again." He said, "You need to just give up on this infatuation that you have with him. They way you have talked about him the last couple of days, I would swear that you were still in love with him, but I am pretty sure that he doesn't feel the same way about you and you deserve better than that. I don't want to think about what might have happened after he left you if Nate hadn't been home. I know that you're not as close to Mike, Steve, or Joey, you and Dan seem to be pretty tight but he's got his hands full, would you have called anyone else to help you out?" The silence from Anna answered his question, "yeah that's what I thought."

Silence filled the car again as they continued toward Chicago. Anna reached down into her bag and pulled out a small notebook, inside it long ago she had written down the 12 steps and she started to read them to herself. She knew them almost by heart from all the times that she had walked those steps with Max, but yet here it was her who was going to have to walk them. She had already walked the first of them, by admitting to both Nate and Doug that she had a problem that her life had become unmanageable. It was having to walk the next 11 that she didn't know if she could do it.

Doug changed his shirt for the second time. It seemed like a curse today of getting thrown up on. He looked at the clock and realized he was never going to get out of the hospital. They were swamped and it was already an hour past the time he was supposed to get off. "At least its overtime" he said out loud. Doug grabbed another chart and went to work. It seemed like everyone had decided to bring in their sick kids after work. He wished he had some help but knew it was good that Anna was gone and fixing her own problems. He went into curtain two and tried, in his best Spanish, to explain why this woman's child was sick.

Anna was stiff as she stumbled out of the car. "We are never, do you understand me never doing that kind of drive ever again." As they headed inside her building and into her apartment. Oh god the mess that was in there. "Oh sorry about the mess. I didn't pick up before we left. Justin you can have the bed if you want. I'm shorter and will fit on the couch better." She hugged Nate goodbye so that he could get the rest of the way home before it got any later. She put the JD back in the kitchen before grabbing the quilt off the couch. The light on her answering machine was blinking but she'd take care of them later. All she wanted to do was curl up and sleep until the sun came up or longer if she could. She was exhausted. She watched Justin walk into her bedroom which was probably a bigger mess.

"God Gabby don't you ever pick up after yourself this place is a natural disaster." She heard him call.

"Yeah I know just deal with it; I'll clean it up tomorrow. There's nothing wrong with the bed. Good night." She tossed on the couch for awhile before getting up. She sat down at her desk with a piece of paper and a pen and started to write. She'd drop it off tomorrow at the hospital or find some way to get it to him after her NA meeting in the morning with out having Justin meet Doug. She stared at the steps...'okay Anna let's start with five and move on to 9. Explain your wrongs and try to make amends. You can do this.' She started to write putting all her wrongs into words then trying to find the right words to ask for his forgiveness. She wished that she could have said these words to him rather than writing them. She glanced at the clock it had taken her longer to write that than she thought. She got up started the coffee, grabbed a cup before heading to the shower.

Doug had, had a long night and was starting his day shift again. He was promised a nap sometime soon but didn't really see an end in sight. He walked over to his bag and took his meds again. 'God how did i get stuck here all night?" he asked himself. There was only time for a short pause before jumping back into work. 'God i need a break' he thought

Anna headed down to her NA meeting and sat there stone faced as she listened to them talk, it lasted about an hour then her and Justin headed over to the ER, she had the letter she had written tucked inside her jacket. She parked the car on the street and the walked towards the door of County. 'Dear lord just let us get in and out'. They walked inside, darting her eyes around the ER and not seeing Doug, she took Justin to the lounge, "wait here for me, do not wander off, do not talk to anyone, do you understand me. I have to work here after you leave and I don't want you to get me into trouble." She said making sure that he understood her before she headed for the stairs. She'd leave the note on their way out after she talked to Meyers and to Weaver. She bumped into Jerry on the stairs, "hey Jer, give this to Doug would you or put it in his box if he's not here for me, thanks." She said as she continued up the stairs after handing him the sealed letter.


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter 96:**

Doug got finished with his patient and needed to change his shirt again.

Jerry saw him and laughed. "Man it must be bad karma or something Dr. Ross!"

Doug just screwed on a smile. "Yeah kind of."

Jerry remembered what Anna had told him and stopped Doug. "Oh Dr. Ross, Dr Del Amico asked me to give this to you." he said as he pulled the latter out from his jacket.

Doug took it and looked at it for a second. "Where is she?"

Jerry just shook his head. "Don't know, I didn't ask. She headed upstairs though. If I see her again I'll let her know you're looking for her though."

Doug started to walk off still looking at the envelope. "Yeah thanks" he said. Doug didn't have time to read it right then so he folded it up and stuck it in his back pocket. He walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. He looked really tired. "I just need some coffee" he told himself. Doug got out of the bathroom and ran his fingers through his hair. He sighed as he pushed open the door to the lounge to change his shirt and get some caffeine. He walked over to his locker not seeing the other man in the room.

Justin watched the, what had to be a doctor, walk into the room and to the locker. Seeing the name as he opened it. "So I take it you're the Doug that Anna has been going on about."

Doug turned to look at the man. He almost startled him. Doug was so tired he didn't even notice. "Yeah, I'm Doug Ross." he said pulling off his shirt quickly and throwing on another one. Doug clipped his ID back on and stuck the pen in his pocket. The man's tone hadn't been kind but rather had a little attitude in it so Doug gave him some back, he didn't need this crap today. "Why, what's it to you?"

"I'm Justin. Anna is my sister. That's what it is to me." He said standing up. "I think you and I need to have a small talk."

Doug rolled his eyes and puffed out his chest a little. A small cocky grin slid onto his face. He was in the right mood to take this punk out if it came to it. "I think you just need to sit back down there GI Joe. I have work to do."

Justin took a step closer to Doug, two could play this game. He wasn't scared of him. "I've seen your work, you should be so proud of your handiwork with my sister."

Doug's mouth dropped open and he took a quick step in. "What did you say?' he asked raising his voice. "I didn't do anything to Anna." this guy was on the verge of crossing the line with him.

"Oh yeah right you didn't do anything to her, just knocked her up, and treated her so well when she lost the baby." He said, "god help my sister for loving you, I've watched her crash and burn before but I'll be damned if I am going to watch her crash and burn because of some doc wanna be."

Doug rolled his neck. This guy had no clue what was going on in his personal life. Doug shoved him in his shoulder and raised his voice again. "You don't know the first thing about my life. I'm telling you now, you better sit down and shut the hell up real quick or I'm going to make you. You don't know me, or what happened between Anna and I so leave it alone." Doug got in his face more than he should have but he was on a really shirt fuse.

"You've got some nerve. I have been doing nothing but listening to Anna for past day. I know more than I want to." Justin said standing his ground. "The last time I stayed out of her life she ended up married to a drug addict, now she's gone head over heels for some dumb ass who abandons her when she needs someone the most. If you think that I am just going to stand back and watch her get hurt all over again you have another thing coming."

Doug was going to pop off again but Weaver would kill him if he started another fight. "Man...I have work to do. You just need to grow up a little there Private. Anna's a big girl." He said turning to walk away.

Justin reached for Doug's shoulder, "she's still my little sister. Who doesn't need to be used by the likes of you. I'm sorry that my sister lost her baby but it makes me happy she's not pregnant with your little bastard anymore. You would have walked away from them both and not given a second thought about them."

Doug couldn't help it anymore. He had tried to let it go...but this guy deserved it, Anna's brother or not. Doug turned quickly and swung as hard as he could, connecting on the side of Justin's face underneath his chin. The connection made a loud crack as Doug's little finger broke. He had thrown everything he had into that punch but stayed on his feet ready to do it again. No one had the right to say that to him, and he wasn't going to let this punk get away with it, damn the consequences.

Justin rubbed the side of his face. "Oh did I set off the little man's fuse. Stay the hell away from my sister, psycho doc."

"Little man...you fckin Ahole." Doug said shoving him in his chest. "Why don't you get the hell out of here before I really hit ya...unless you're not man enough to swing back." he said shoving him again

"Yeah you little short shit." Justin said back as he swung at Doug, "I'm not afraid to fight you."

Doug hated being called small. His neck tingled as he was hit. It wasn't a smart idea to fight back but what the hell. Doug grabbed his shirt and threw him on the ground following on top of him.

Anna had finished meeting with Meyers and talked to Kerry, who had agreed to let her return to work. She had put everything on the line and was honest and open with Kerry about everything that had happened, she had a whole list of restrictions on top of her now, but she could work again. She headed for the lounge and opened the door to find Doug pummeling her brother. Anna let the door slam shut behind her before saying anything, "Justin Jacob Del Amico, what the hell is going on in here. Doug, get off my brother. His ass is mine to kick!"

Doug looked up and his face turned white as he saw Anna. He let go of Justin's shirt and stood up and away from him. As he did he felt the blood drip from his split lip. He wiped it away and stormed past them both without a word. He was so mad at Justin and that he would say such hurtful things to him without knowing everything. For showing up at his workplace and starting a fight...just for everything. He was still angry with Anna and didn't know what to do so he left. He just needed a second to calm down.

"What the hell do you think you were doing Justin." Anna was on the verge of screaming. "That's my boss! I just got my job back and you are fighting with my boss!" She didn't give him the chance to explain before she grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him out of the ER. "I told you not to start anything and here you are fighting. I don't know what has gotten into that pea brain of yours." They were now standing in the ambulance bay. She flipped open her phone, "you had better hope to god that Nat is home because if he doesn't come and get you I am going to kick your butt all the way back to my apartment." She talked to her other older brother for a minute, and then put her brother in the back of a cab. "You are not getting in my brand new car so that you can bleed all over it. I will talk to you later; I have to go and try to straighten this out now so that I don't lose the job that I just got back." She slammed the door to the cab shut. She walked back inside instead of heading to find Doug like she intended to Anna headed up to the roof to try to collect her for a few minutes. She was livid at Justin for what he had done.

Doug came down from his momentary anger high and was trying to stop the bleeding from his lip. He wanted to take a break and get away so he headed up to the roof. He could always think up there. As soon as he opened the door he regretted it. The wind was really blowing. He sighed as he saw Anna. He didn't even know she had come up there. Without a word he walked over to the other side of the roof and sat down on a railing with his back to her. Maybe she wouldn't even notice him...but he doubted it. He pulled the lighter out of his pocket and snapped it to light. He had given up smoking but playing with his Zippo somehow calmed him down. He closed it and snapped it open several times just looking at the flame.

She didn't walk over to him instead she just stayed where she was a few minutes before leaving the roof. He didn't need her up there. She got this feeling that he didn't want her to talk to him right now. He'd talk to her when he was ready and then she could explain her brother's behavior. She headed back down to the ER and walked outside the ambulance bay as she sat down on the bench wondering how her life could get so out of control.

Doug sat up on the roof for another fifteen minutes after Anna left just trying to get his thoughts together. He remembered he had the letter she had written to him. 'Well this is as alone as I am going to get today' he thought to himself. He reached and pulled the envelope out of his pocket and opened it up to read it.

Doug,

I know these 12 steps almost by heart now but never thought I would have to walk them myself. Where do I start with all the wrongs that I have done. I guess the place to start is walking away from you in Lexington like I did. It was never my intention to abandon you like I did. I was wrong to leave you alone, which I guess leads into my second wrong, lying to you about Angel. I should have been open with you, but I was being self-centered and self-righteous. Trust is not easy for me, it never has been, and well, now how can I expect it to be given something I can't give. Now for the hard part, I was wrong in not talking to you and using the pain meds as an escape. I lost control. The hurt, the anger, I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't want you to see all my fears and insecurities. But this is not about how I feel. I never should have hit you like I did. That is the greatest wrong I could have ever committed against you.

Granted I have no right to this of you, and if you can't I understand. I am not going to ask for forgiveness but for the chance to make amends for all my wrongs against you. For I know that all the sorry's in the world will never fix this. But I am sorry, for hurting you, walking away from you, for breaking your trust in me and for my greatest failure of all, losing our child. I am lost as to how to start to rebuild your trust and regain our friendship. I guess that only time will tell. ---Anna

Doug folded up the letter and threw it off the building. After thinking on the words he rubbed at his face. His hand hurt like hell and now so did his heart. She had tried to make the first step and he knew he had to forgive her. He couldn't hold a grudge forever. He snapped his lighter closed and walked downstairs. After looking around quickly he caught a glimpse of her in the ambulance bay sitting alone. He took a breath and slowly walked outside. He didn't say anything. He just walked over and sat next to her on the bench. He set his hands in his lap and looked at his broken knuckle. It would heal soon enough just like everything else. Right now he was more concerned on fixing their relationship. He sighed as he looked up and squinted into the sun. He wondered where to start. He hoped that she knew him coming down and sitting next to her was a big deal for him. He needed her to make the next move for him.

"I owe you an apology for my brother's behavior earlier. I shouldn't have left him alone in the lounge while I was at my meetings." She said as she looked at the ground.

Doug shook his head. It took him a second to respond. "No you don't. I should have just walked away. So I'm sorry for fighting...I read your letter though." he had to choke out the words. She needed to hear them whether he felt it all the way yet or not. "I accept your apology. I'm glad you're getting help."

She was almost shocked she didn't expect him to forgive her, not that fast. "I just want to make things right." She said softly as she leaned against the back of the bench. "I screwed up big time. The meeting should help. Myers well that's still debatable. But I told Kerry the whole story."

Doug couldn't look at her. He was still extremely angry with both her and her brother. He couldn't just sit there and go through small talk again, and he didn't want to go into her treatment. Doug stood up after a second. "Let me know when you want to go back to work. I'll need to talk with Kerry and work over some kind of punishment or restriction. I have work to do but umm...if you call me later we'll talk ok?" Doug walked back into the ER. He only had a few more hours to go until he could go home and get some sleep. He would have to deal with Anna later.

"Yeah tomorrow if you want." She said, "But I need to either be able to hit the 7 am or the 7 pm meeting if that can be arranged." Anna said standing up. "When you put me on the schedule just give me a call. I'm sure that Kerry would be more than happy to go over the list of restrictions that she had me sign. Don't get me wrong I am happy to have my job back." She looked at her watch after this morning another meeting wouldn't hurt. She started to walk away, but stopped, "thanks for understanding." She walked over to her car and got in before heading down the street.

"Yeah, yeah" Doug grumbled to himself. He looked around until he found Kerry working up a patient. "Can I talk to you when you have a second" he said quietly to her. "About Anna"

Kerry looked at him, "uh yeah I just finished here. Let's go into the lounge and talk." She said as she started down the hall, "I promised her that we would keep this just between the three of us."

"That's fine" he said pushing open the lounge door. "So let's talk."

"I'm assuming that you want to know what restrictions I have placed on her, first and for most no trauma's, she can't write scripts none, she has to have an attending sign off on all her charts, she can't handle pain meds she has to have someone else administer them, no procedures, 90 NA/AA meetings, she has to be willing to have random drug screens, I talked with Myers and he seems to think right now she has a pretty good hold on things, so I am not going to make her keep seeing him if she keeps up with her NA meetings. For the first couple of weeks half shifts only nothing over 6 hours, triage mostly if we can keep her there, ease her back in, keeping her load light. I want her to check in at least once a week with one of us to let us know how she's doing, make sure that she doesn't get in over her head. She seemed to understand maybe a little too well that this was for her own good and not to punish her for her mistake. I don't know her that well but I'm sure that it was." Kerry told him, "I also told her that was for the ER, Ped; those restrictions were up to you."

Doug nodded. Kerry actually seemed fair for once. "I'll probably just stick to the same ones...sounds good to me." Doug yawned and gently touched her arm. "Thanks Kerry for talking to me. I...better go finish my extended shift. I'm outta here in a few hours. Don't want to keep my patients waiting you know." he didn't want to give her time to ask him about his new injuries. He just wanted to get back to work and head for home. Doug walked over to admit and started to look through the charts again.


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter 97**

Anna sat thru another meeting, at the end she talked to a few people and found a sponsor. She picked up groceries on her way home, taking the time to actually put them away when she got to the apartment. She walked back into the bedroom and started to clean up the mess. She looked thru the pictures as she put them back. She came across some from the ER banquet that was held just before she had left again for Philly. Doug and Carol standing under the moose. Her and Carter sitting at a table. The conga line that Mark had started. They all were happy that night, well for the most part. That was the day she had give bone marrow to help out someone. She sat there for a few more minutes before putting the shoebox back on the shelf. She pulled a sweatshirt on over her head and grabbed her things before she started out to walk along the river. She sat down on a bench over looking the river when she felt that someone was sitting there next to her.

"What's a lovely young woman such as yourself doing sitting here alone?" A voice said to her.

"I guess you could say soul searching." Anna replied back looking at the man now sitting next to her; he was well dressed in a three piece business suit, and rather good looking.

"I'm Jack." He said to her.

"Anna," She said extending her hand to him.

"Well Anna, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"So Jack what do you do?" She casually asked.

"I'm a CEO. How about you?"

"Physician." Anna replied, "emergency pediatrician actually." They sat and made small talk before heading off for coffee and more conversation. He seemed nice. She was having a nice time being out with someone even if they were just having small talk. He seemed pretty good at it, and he seemed genuinely interested in her. After a few hours of sitting and talking they exchanged phone numbers and he asked her out for dinner, to which she agreed. He walked back with her for a little while before they went there separate ways.

She was looking forward to dinner at seven. She thought about calling Doug like he had asked. She'd do it in a little while before she left so that the conversation would have to be kept short, not that of late their conversation had been very long. She walked into a hair salon on the way back home. She did the radical, but it was time for a change. She had them cut her hair so that it sat down just below her shoulders and had them color it a deep shade of red. She didn't want to be in a bad mood when Jack came to pick her up. So she put off calling Doug once more when she got home. She walked inside and headed for the bedroom.

She looked thru her closet to find something suitable to wear to a nice dinner. Business suit, no too stuffy, little tiny black dress, no way too sluttish. She finally settled on a blue floor length gown that fit snug around her waist showing off her curves, it had sleeves that were set off her shoulders, and a slit in the side that went from the floor to just above her knee to show off a little leg, but not to much, more of a tease than anything. She looked herself over in the full length mirror; she had to admit that she looked rather elegant. Anna sat down on the couch being careful not to wrinkle her dress and flipped on the TV to find a college basketball game. She watched it while she waited for her date to pick her up.

Doug had a long, hard day. His shift was finally over and he punched out before anyone could ask him for help again. He almost collapsed in his car and started to drive home. He came in and looked at his machine. No messages. "Oh well" he said to himself. "Cant be too worried about it." he took a long shower and tried to loosen up his back. he came out and threw on some shorts and a sweatshirt. after taking his meds and threw on his KU hat and some tennis shoes and headed out. he walked down the street to a bar and sat down to watch the KU LSU game. after a half an hour he got bored and decided to call Lynn. after convincing her to come down Doug ordered a beer and a burger and sat watching the game. he casually checked his cell phone every other minute almost. he knew he shouldn't wait for Anna's call but he couldn't help it. his mind would always be on her and he hated it.

He'd be there in about 15 minutes. Anna decided that she would call Doug. That way it would be a short call. She picked up phone and dialed his cell number. She was in a really good mood and wanted to stay that way. Hopefully this would go well. They were just friends and he couldn't really say anything about her going out, after all it was just dinner and maybe drinks and some dancing. She wasn't sure what all Jack had intended on when he asked her out, but she was up for a good time.

Doug had already downed two beers, but it was nothing for him after the day he had. he smiled as he saw Lynn walk in. he stood up and gave her a kiss on her cheek. as they sat down Doug started to say something when his phone rang. "excuse me." he said pulling it off his belt. the bar was crowded and noisy so he plugged his other ear to hear better. "hello?"

Anna could barely hear him, "hey sorry did I catch you at a bad time, you told me to call you later."

Doug couldn't tell who it was. "What?" he asked. he waited a second while the band stopped playing. "hey sorry...Anna? yeah its fine you called but uhm why don't you get back to me later I cant really talk right now." he said looking at Lynn. she mouthed to him 'don't worry about it' but this conversation Doug didn't want to get into with Lynn there. "can we talk later? I'm off tomorrow morning."

"Yeah that's fine Doug." She said into the phone as she heard a knock at the door, "Give me a call in the morning. I got to go anyway." She quickly hung up the phone and answered her door. When she opened it Jack was standing there in a tux. It took her breath away knowing that this good looking man was going to be her date for the evening. It was a good thing she had dressed up.

"Wow you are absolutely stunning and beautiful Anna," he said as he placed a kiss on her check.

Anna smiled as she pulled her wrap around her shoulders and followed him down out of the apartment. She was surprised that he had picked her up in a limo. They went to dinner at the Astoria. It was nice to be wined and dined. He made her feel special with the way that he treated her. They went out to a small night club for some drinks and dancing. Before he took her back home. She smiled as she invited him up for a night cap before he went home. As they sat on the couch in front of her fireplace, he leaned over and kissed her. She felt guilty when she didn't feel that spark that she had with Doug. 'Get that though out of your head Anna'. She said to herself. 'forget about Doug and enjoy the sweet man your with now.'

Doug hung up the phone and turned his attention back to Lynn. "Sorry, that was my friend Anna."

Lynn just smiled. "Yeah I figured. You talk about her all the time."

Doug grinned. "I do not." he said with a laugh. Lynn just rolled her eyes. After a few more drinks they decided to leave. Doug's legs were cold as he went outside. He didn't know why he wore shorts, hoping for spring maybe. he walked her to her car and she stopped before she got in.

"I was thinking maybe you'd like to come over tonight." she said to him.

Doug blushed. he was about to say no but decided against it. he really liked her anyways. "Sure" he said. pulling out his keys. "I'll follow you home."

Anna stretched when she felt the warm of the sun on her face. She looked at her clock it was a little after 9. She had overslept, but there was something about last night that had worn her out enough to get a full night's sleep. Ahh the thought of the previous night with Jack crossed her mine as she rolled over to find an empty bed. She opened her eyes to find that she was alone, and there were no other sounds coming from her apartment. There was a note by her bedside. She picked it up and read it...sorry to have to leave you like this in the middle of the night but something came up and I had to go. I would like to take you out again tonight. I'll be there to pick you up at 8 wear something more casual we're going dancing at one of my favorite clubs. love Jack.

Anna smiled as she lay back on the bed. She had missed her NA meeting. She'd have to catch one later in the day, maybe she'd go to the one at one. Go out for lunch maybe go buy a new pair of jeans. She wasn't sure what she'd do to fill her day but she was sure that she could come up with something. She just hoped that Doug would call before she went out. She didn't want to have to shrug him off again. And she wasn't going to have any kind of conversation with him while she was shopping or tonight when she was with Jack. Maybe she'd just keep her newfound relationship to herself for awhile. He didn't need to know she was seeing, let alone sleeping with anymore right now. Last night wasn't a disaster after all. He wanted to see her again after all. She'd let his leaving in the middle of the night slide. It wasn't like there wasn't a time in her life that she would have to do that. Anna got up off the bed and headed into the bathroom after wrapping her wrist in a bag to keep it from getting wet she climbed into the shower with a smile on her face. Maybe this was just what she needed to get over Doug once and for all.

Doug woke up tired and alone. Lynn had told him that she had to leave early...and did. Doug sighed as he got out of bed and threw on his shorts and sweatshirt. good thing he wasn't on today. after grabbing his hat and keys he left a note for her saying he was off again tonight and would like to go out again. Doug walked down to his car and drove to get some breakfast. just after he had sat down at star bucks and ordered coffee he realized he was suppose to call Anna. he grabbed his phone and hit the speed dial. it was a little after nine so he hoped she would still be able to talk...maybe they could have breakfast together, like friends.

Anna heard her phone ring as she was wrapping the towel around her head. She jumped for hit smacking herself in the head with her cast. "Hello." She moaned.

Doug winced at her voice; he hoped he hadn't disturbed her. "sorry...bad time? i just wanted to know if you wanted to have some breakfast since I'm off today."

"Oh no that would fine." She said rubbing her forehead. "Damn cast jumped right out and hit me." She tried to laugh it off. "Where you at so that I can meet ya."

"Ha-ha" Doug gave a small laugh into the phone. "Oh uhh star bucks, on Ciders street. Don't hurt yourself getting over here." He said laughing again. at least she sounded better than before.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few." Anna said as she hung up the phone and threw some clothes on. It was just Doug so she didn't think she needed to dress up. She pulled on the first thing that she found. Unfortunately it was her jogging pants and oversized grey sweatshirt. She picked up her keys and drove over. She parked and headed inside, her hair was still a little wet as she spotted him and walked over. "Hey you."

Doug looked up when he heard her voice. "Hey y..." he hair looked really different...she looked really different. he didn't know if he should say something or not. "Sit down. I ordered you some coffee. I got a muffin coming, we can split it if you want." He said setting the book he was reading aside. He didn't understand it anyway. it was one of Lynn's that he had grabbed. She was in to the whole "atlas Shrugged' type books but he was just lost...not that he'd let Anna know it.

"Nah you can keep your muffin. But thanks anyway." She pointed at the book he was reading, "so you decide to go all scholarly on me?"

Doug smiled his usual big flashy one. "Nah, just expanding my vocabulary." He joked as he muffin came. He picked at it for a second. "So I talked to Kerry and the same rules apply for me. We'll see how you're doing and talk about it again in a few months ok?" He really didn't want to talk about that. He had just wanted a friend to talk to. Even though he had a girlfriend he was feeling pretty lonely. He hoped she wouldn't be able to read that off him like she usually did so he smiled more often as he talked. "So your brother's not going to hunt me down right?" He said joking. "I really am sorry about that. temper kind of got me."

She reached over and picked off a small piece of his muffin, she shook her head, "I don't know I'm not talking to him. I haven't seen him since I put his sorry ass in a cab yesterday and I went ooowver to the library." She said tripping herself up. But she kept the smile on her face.

Doug grinned. He knew she was lying but decided to play along. "To the library...really? Catching up on your reading?" He said sarcastically leaning back into the chair and pulled off a piece of muffin. "We should hang out today since we're both off. We could go shopping. you could help me pick out a nice shirt or something." He said with a laugh

Anna giggled and did a little hair toss, "Yeah me and Billy were hiding in back making out." She did a little shoulder shrug. "I'd like to hang out with you today, a shirt huh," Anna paused for a minute, "hey wait since we do guys dig shopping Doug..." She winked at him, "is there something that you're not telling me?"

Doug rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, by the way I'm gay...you flipped me...what can i say!" he joked flicking a crumb at her. "What! i cant want to spend an afternoon with my friend. We can go see a movie or something if you want. I just don't want to spend my day off alone." He ended in a softer tone. He hadn't wanted that to sound sad but it did. He tried to recover quickly. "I mean, unless your ego is killed after turning such a good looking guy gay...damn, I had promise too." He joked with a grin.

"No movie." She said laughing, "so then my best friend is really just one of my girlfriends." She was laughing now. "Shopping is fine." She smiled at him; she needed to catch a meeting before her date. "Uhm, I'd love to spend the afternoon with you but the 90 thing, oh never mind don't worry about it, I can do it later tonight."

"Hey if you don't have time that's fine. I just thought it might be fun... to have fun again. you're pretty easy to get along with you know...well most of the time." Doug had finished up his food and was getting things together. If she wasn't going to go with him he still needed to go to the mall and grab some shoes, shirts, and slacks.

She shook her head, "no I always have time for you. Besides," she said looking him up and down, "you need help with clothes babe."

Doug looked at his Long sleeved blue t-shirt and his kaki shorts. he twisted his hat on backwards and slipped on his sunglasses before standing up. He casually looked at what she was wearing. "Yeah you're one to talk." He said with a grin. Even though his legs were still scratched up from the accident in Kentucky the weather was turning warmer and, especially today, it was nice to wear shorts. "We're going to have to buy you some nice things too my little fashion expert." Doug held the door for her and looked around to see her car. "Did you drive here?"

She chuckled, "You and gay don't belong in the same sentence ever, cause there is no way in hell that I turned the great Doug Ross, lady killer to the other side. Did I drive... ha-ha now what kind of question is that, brand new car, did I drive," She was still smiling as she pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes, "Yeah it's not easy but I managed okay. I can't wait to get this ten ton weight off my arm. I'm going to be so buff when this is done; this is so going to mess up my golf game now. Spring is here and I can't hit the courses now for another 6 weeks. I suppose you have your jeep too. We can take yours if you want cause I know mine isn't something manly, my friend. And I really don't need any more new clothes," She might have been fairly financially secure, but not being able to work for awhile she was going to have to be a little more careful with how she spent money right now, "I just have to remember how to do laundry. So as my friend tell me, does my new look suit me?"

Doug grinned. "Well it's another thing I can kill ya in...golf! we'll make a date out of it." He joked as he started to walk to his jeep. He had parked about a block down the street. when she asked him about her look he said the first thing that came to mind. "Yeah I was going to mention that. I do like your hair. But you'll always be beautiful to me, and do you know why?" He said turning to walk backwards so he could look at her with his usual goofy grin.

Anna laughed shaking her head, "oh Doug you are such a goof, and the only reason I am beautiful to you is because you are certifiably insane."

"Well..." he said shrugging his shoulders. He turned before he hit someone. He reached his car before he answered her. "That could be but most of all...it's because you have a good heart." He looked at her seriously for a moment before snapping her a wink and opening the door. He really did mean it though, even if he could only say it as a joke. "Come on! its off to the mall. I need a woman to help me with some fashion...and burning my new paycheck. first one as an attending!" he said as he got in and rolled down the windows. He knew Anna liked it and it was nice out so it seemed like a good thing to do. He was trying really hard to make things seem good again, to make her forget they both had problems for a few hours.


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter 98:**

Anna shook her head as she sat in the passenger side of the jeep. "So you still have my smokes in this glove box? Huh or did you either smoke them or toss them." She was trying to make conversation so that there was no awkward silence between them.

Doug shook his head as he started the car. "Uhm no I quit. As a doctor you should know they are harmful to your health." he pulled out onto the street and started to make his way to the mall. "Seriously though, it was messing with my running so i knocked it off. You should probably do it too." Doug drove for a few minutes before finding the turn for the mall. "So I'm putting my faith in you that you won't dress me up like an idiot. No preppy stuff i mean it." he said pulling into the parking deck.

"Yeah I did." She pulled up her sleeve, "patch ya know. It's easier to find dates if I don't smell, oh hell stink from it." She looked at him, "oh come on Doug you would look so cute dressed all preppy. You are the gap poster boy." She smiled and giggled, "Oh no I have a much better idea cowboy."

Doug shot her a look before getting out of the car. "Didn't we already have this discussion? I can't pull off the whole urban cowboy thing. Pretty maybe, but id be far from cute." he started walking to the mall and bumped her shoulder. "Please don't make me look stupid...pleeeaaassee!" he joked with a laugh as they entered the mall. "Ok... I'm following you. Lead on."

Anna just laughed. "Alright, just suck all the fun out of this. Come on studs." She said as she leaned into him, "no gap I promise. I think I'm going for the urban cowgirl thing." She said as she walked into a store. "Cowboy boots, tight jeans, and hat." She said smiling and giggling.

Doug grabbed her hand and walked out. His face was bright red. "Ok, ok ill go to gap...just not that. You'll have to get me drunk before you get me dressed up like that." he said with an ear-to-ear grin. "Ah i don't believe you can still make me blush!"

Anna smacked him, "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about me...dang I really wanted them cowboy boots and black western hat." She followed him a little further down the mall, "okay I'm still saying no gap, come in here." Anna said pulling on his arm as she literally dragged him into a store. She walked around looking at the racks for a few minutes putting things into her arms. "I think I can handle making you a well dressed attending." She was smiling, "I don't why we bother getting you shirts, come on what we are puked on three, four times a shift on average." She thought that he would look good in warm colors as she pulled a few more things for him. "Here ace."

Doug shook his head as she handed him a pile of clothes. "Well it's not just for work. I have a social life too ya know." he said poking her. He looked at the clothes and was surprised that they were all his size. "How do you know my size?" he asked walking towards the dressing room.

"That's for me to know and for you to someday figure out...and if you do let me know and I'll tell ya if you're right or wrong. Don't worry there's stuff in that pile for both sides of you your professional ah Dr. Ross, and my horse riding, jeep driving," She burst into a fit of giggles, "swear I'm not an urban cowboy, man."

Doug just laughed at her. "Yeah, yeah. I just might give ya a fashion show too." he joked going into a changing room. The things she had picked out were really nice. Everything she picked fit and looked nice on him. It was shocking; it was always so hard for him to find things he liked when he picked them. After going through the clothes he decided he had to show her his favorite outfit she found. He slipped on some black slacks and the cream silk shirt leaving the top two buttons undone. He walked out and walked out in the store. All the people in the store were staring at him but he didn't care. All that mattered was what Anna thought. "I think this is my favorite" he said, holding out his hands. "What do you think?"

Anna's heart about stopped. "I can see why." She said looking at him. "It oh um man ah, yeah it looks good on you. Definitely a keeper." She turned to hide the bright red that was filling her checks now. Trying to pretend to be more interested in the clothes on the rack than him. 'Oh man, damn he's fine.' she thought to herself.

Doug walked over to her. "Hey, you got a great eye for clothes. What can i say? You're my girl...for clothes at least." he joked touching her arm before going back to get changed.

"Yeah." She said watching him walk away. Her mind was going places that she didn't want it to go right now. "Friends Anna, just friends. You two can't be anything else." Anna walked across the store and started looking for a pair of jeans. She found a white tank top that was cut rather low across the front and that would be fairly tight. She walked over to the button up shirts and picked out a red one to wear over the tank top. She also found a really cute jean skirt that she could wear out dancing. Well maybe it was probably a little short, but hey Jack might actually enjoy it. 'Wow' that was the first time that he had popped into her head since she had left the house this morning. She walked into the dressing room and quickly changed into what she had picked out before walking out to get a look in the three way mirror. Why did they have to put the damn mirror clear out where everyone in the damn store you could what you were trying on? She stood in front of it. The skirt showed off her long legs, but she really like the way the tank top hugged her and the shirt over it gave it a really casual look to it. Oh, who was she trying to kid, this was something one of those 20 something girls would wear.

Doug got changed back into his shorts and put his KU hat back on. He walked out with the clothes he was going to buy and saw Anna looking at herself in the mirror. He put his fingers to his mouth and gave a whistle at her. "You look nice Anna" he said with a grin. He actually would only think she looked nice if she wore that when they two of them went out...he'd be jealous otherwise. 'It shouldn't matter anymore' he told himself. 'Ill have something to wear with Lynn tonight now so just think of that' he walked past her and looked her over again. "I'm going to go buy some of this...really nice" he said before walking off.

She was beet red from him whistling. She walked back into the room and put her baggy clothes back on. She'd get it just to turn a few heads. Well, she'd wear it tonight for Jack, he did say casual after all. She was picking her stuff up and walking out of the dressing room as her phone rang. She flipped it open, "Anna." It was Jack. "What's up?" She said crossing the store. As he started to apologize once more for leaving her in the middle of the night and if she got his invitation for tonight. "Hey don't worry about it. Stuff happens. Yeah I did. I'm shopping so I will see you later okay." She about walked right into a rack as he said, that he missed her. It caught her completely off guard. He had only known her for 2 days. Granted they had slept together but she had thought that it was just a casual relationship, no strings attached. "Yeah, you know that I miss you too. Later." She closed the phone and set her stuff down. Before turning her attention back to Doug, "you find everything that you needed?" Maybe there was going to be more to this relationship that she was starting than she had originally anticipated.

Doug had just handed the clerk his credit card when he heard Anna talk to him. "Oh yeah. I just need to get some new basketball shoes and I'm good. What about you? Do you still want to go for the whole tight jeans and cowboy hat look for yourself?" he glanced at his watch. Boy shopping made time go quickly, or maybe it was just spending time with Anna. "We could grab some lunch before i have to head back home. I have some stuff going on tonight."

"Only if we have time. I'd hate to make ya late. I think I'd look good in a cowboy hat and boots." Anna tried to put forward her best southern accent, "Maybe that's where I went wrong with my image ya know. Maybe I should go country instead of gothic." She gave up the feeble southern accent sliding into one that she was much better with having grown up with her father's thick Irish accent, "Maybe I should try the bonnie lass look again. After all Ireland is home." She said pausing for a minute before smiling, as she pushed on his arm playfully, "Hot date tonight there slim?"

Doug looked down at the ground when she asked him if he had a date. "Uhm well you know." he said rolling his eyes and looking back at the clerk who handed him his clothes. "Just a friend. its only one so i still have some time to watch you embarrass yourself with your silly accents." he joked moving over so she could pay for her stuff. He didn't know why he felt bad about his date mow, with an outfit like that he knew she had one too.

She was still smiling, "you know when you roll your eyes and look at the ground like that you give yourself away." She said pulling out one of her credit cards to pay for her clothes, as she nudged him, "I'm happy for you, really I am." She kept the smile on her face, "you are my friend and I want you to be happy. I mean that from the bottom of my," 'broken' was the first word that popped into her head but she didn't say it, "heart."

He just smiled at her. "Ok, ok, what can i say? I'm not good at lying. but i appreciate it." once Anna paid for her things he wrapped his arm around her neck, pretending at first that he was going to put her in a head lock but then relaxing and letting him arm drape over her shoulder as they walked. "See shopping with me isn't all that bad. At least I'm not picky." Doug reached over and grabbed her bag for her so she wouldn't have to carry it. "Now let's get some shoes so we can complete our new outfit's here." he said with a grin. "Then lunch is on me"

"You're not good at lying at all there slim." She said walking next to him, "okay you really are starting to scare me...shoes to complete our outfits. You really are gay." She was laughing now. She looked in a few windows as they walked, "oh I have to have those."

Doug rolled his eyes. "You're not gunna let me live that down are you?" he said as they stopped in front of the store. He was looking at a pair of boots. "You're kidding right?" as asked at first, but after thinking on her new outfit her could see how it would look nice. "Well actually, that might be kind of cute. Just don't kick me with those things." he joked walking into the store. "You check these out...I'm going to be in the, non gay extremely manly, basketball section alright?" he said sarcastically before walking off. Doug looked at the rows of shoes. He didn't see the style he normally bought but decided to stick with Nike. He found a nice white pair and bent down to look for his size.

She smiled as she looked for ones that would fit. When she found the boots that fit her, she found herself looking at hats. There was a black on sitting there calling her name she put it on her head looking in the mirror. Dang it fit and looked good on her head and it would look great with the boots too. 'You've gone country Anna' she said to herself before she wandered over to pay for her stuff and find Doug.


	99. Chapter 99

**CHAPTER 99:**

Doug found the shoes he was looking for and was trying them on. He stood up and jumped around a little in them. 'Well at least they're on sale' he thought. He walked over and looked into the mirror to see if they looked good or not when he caught a glimpse of Anna trying on that hat. He just grinned when he saw her. Boy was she going to be a knock out when she wore that. He went back over to the shoe section to make sure he didn't see anything better. He jumped up again. "These might work" he said aloud

"Hey find your new basketball shoes there Spuds." She said laughing as she watched him jumping around as she leaned against the wall. "You know the shoes don't make the player, the player makes the shoes."

Doug sat down when Anna was making fun of him. "Well i need all the help i can get." he said slipping off his shoes. "So are you looking for new nicknames for me or something...i mean what's Spuds?" he joked putting his shoes in the box and slipping his olds ones on.

"No I was just comparing you to one of the greatest basketball players off all time," she said as she walked over and ruffled his hair playfully. "I can just call you by your given name if you prefer. Oh stick to hey you."

Doug poked her in the stomach. "Watch the hair" he said standing up and walking to the check out counter. "You can call me whatever you want." he said pulling out some money for his shoes. "So what are you in the mood for, for lunch?"

"Food." She said casually. "God what I am dying for is a good ole Philly cheese steak." She said smiling, "that's what I miss most about home. But anything will be fine; I know you're not big on my weird Philadelphia food." She smiled thinking back, "Nate used to drive up to the campus to bring them to me when I got into med school because he worried that I wasn't eating right and knew I would be buried in a book. I think that's when I stopped going home every weekend, and the only way that anyone ever got to see me was dropping in on campus. I was so hell bent on graduating top of my class. If I had known that it didn't matter that much I probably would have slowed down a long time ago."

Doug nodded as he walked with her upstairs to the food court. "Well you know what they call the person who graduates last from med school? ...doctor. Ha-ha that was me. I never cared about graduating first." he said while looking around for a place that had what Anna was looking for. He stopped in front of a big place called 'cheese steaks' "well I'm guessing they might have that here huh?" he said as he stepped in line. "Why don't you grab a table and I'll get the food." he said as he pulled out his wallet. His eye casually caught the time. It wasn't too late, almost 2:30 but he hadn't decided on where he was going to take Lynn yet tonight. He didn't want to go anywhere fancy but he'd see what she wanted. If he didn't think Anna was seeing someone too he'd have a serious thought about asking her out again. 'We make good friends' he told himself.

She walked over and sat down at a table, she found her eyes locked on him. He was cute standing there in his hat and shorts. But as much as she liked what she saw, she knew that it would never go back to anything more than a friendship. She knew she could learn over time to be a friend and not look at him that way anymore. Besides, she knew he was seeing someone and that he had a new girlfriend. 'Oh god Anna, you're jealous.' she said to herself. As she drew her eyes away from him and laid her head in her hands on the table. Jack wasn't Doug, no matter how hard she tried to move on, he would always have large piece of her heart that no one else would ever be able to get to.

Doug bought the food and walked over to find her with her head down. He gently touched her arm and tilted his head so he could see her face. "Are you alright?" he asked sitting down. "I'm here if you got something on your mind"

She smiled up at him. She knew that he would always be there for her to lean on when she needed someone but how do you tell your best friend that you are jealous that they have moved on, that you are constantly thinking about them. That even though you've tried to move on that it was them you were thinking of while you slept with someone else. That with every beat of your heart you loved them even more. This was something that she wouldn't tell him, ever, let him go on thinking that she was happy only being his friend, that she was happy for him. "I'm okay. It's nothing I was just thinking that's all. Thanks for spending your day off with me. I've had a really good time today."

Doug gave her an honest grin. That was really sweet of her to say. "Well I could say the same thing to you. I know we've had kind of a hard time lately but I can tell you honestly...I wouldn't have a very good life if you weren't in It." he reached over and rubbed her hand for a second. He could tell something was on her mind but she'd talk to him if she wanted to. Maybe one day he could tell her it was her and not someone else he couldn't get his mind off, if there was ever a right time. But it wasn't now. He slid over her food. "Now I've never had one of these so if I hate it I'm blaming you."

"How can anyone not like a Philly cheese steak Doug?" She said as she looked at him, "my god that's like not liking pizza. Don't worry if something was bugging me you'd be the first person I'd tell okay?"

"Really? That's kind of scary." he said picking up the sandwich. He bit into it and laughed. "Well it's not exactly pizza quality but what can i say...your food judgment's pretty good." Doug took his hat off and set it on the corner of the table. "Oh i wanted to tell you. My friend asked me if i wanted to play on a kind of rec/tournament basketball team. Our first game is on Saturday and, you're under no obligation either, but i wanted to know if you'd go. It'd be nice to have someone in the stands cheering for me." he asked almost shyly. He didn't know why he had asked her, but he wanted more days like this for them.

"Well I don't know. My schedule is so packed." She said laughing as she took a bit of her cheese steak not caring that she probably now had cheese stuck to the side of her face. "Yeah I'll be there. Oh man how I have missed these. Not as good as the ones back home but yet still the same."

Doug's heart sank when she said she was busy and he dropped his head. Once he realized she was joking he felt really dumb. "Well I've never been to Philly. Next time there is a convention I'll sign us up as peds reps and we can tear up the town." he joked raising his eyebrows. "Bonnie and Clyde again." he said with a laugh as he finished his sandwich. He sat there and watched her eat. She looked so funny when she was having a good time. She had one of those smiles that could light up a room.

She sighed, "I would love to tear up Philly again. We'd definitely have a good time. The night life there is something else. But if I never get to go back that's okay too. I'm growing to love Chicago."

"Yeah...the crappy weather, bitter cold, packed streets, and grey skies really do it for me too." he said sarcastically as they both finished. "What exactly about Chicago is it that you love?"

Oh god did he have to ask her that one. "What is it I love about Chicago...?" She had to think of something quick. Nothing was coming to her mind other than you. She had to say something other than that. Anna think, think Anna. "Well it's hard to say exactly, you know, maybe it's the crappy weather, the great golf courses here. It's nice to jog along the river." She sat back against the chair, ever so softly so that he wouldn't hear her above the crowd in the mall, "you."

"Well at least we have one thing in common..." he said standing up. Although the answer she gave wasn't the one he was hoping for, what did he expect? "We both love bad weather." he joked grabbing their bags. "We better go before you stuff me with more strange food."

She stood up so that they could make their way out of the mall back to his jeep, "yeah I hear it rains all the time in Seattle. That must really suck to never see the sun."

"Ah it's not too bad. At least my grass was always green." he said as they walked out of the mall and into the parking deck. "So can I drop you off at home or do you need to be somewhere else?" he asked starting the car. He really didn't want to have to go and focus on something else but he needed to. He was glad they had spent the day together and gotten over their issues. He couldn't stand not having her close to him like they were now...again. "So I was thinking I could have to start the day after tomorrow. Give you one more day to chill out and get stuff sorted. I only have a half shift tomorrow anyway since i have to be at some meeting Romano is holding in the afternoon. And i don't think you want to be there for that one."

"Yeah day after tomorrow sure that would be fine." She said, "Actually could ya drop me off back at my car please. There's something that I need to go and do. But I have something in my car that I need to give you before it slips my mind again." She smiled, "and thanks' I really don't need to be around Romano right now."

Doug laughed. "Yeah he can be a little hard to take. I almost forgot that you drove...in your new car. How's that working out for you anyway? Do you like it?" he asked as he pulled onto the street beside her car.

"It's a bloody tank Doug." She said as she hopped out, "I miss my little fast sports car honestly, but I'm learning to love it." She pulled her keys out. Unlocking the doors and opening up the back of her car. She reached in to pull out the box. She had ordered this for him when she was out shopping after her accident. She just wanted him to know that she was proud of him. She walked back and reached inside the passengers' side of his jeep setting the box where she had been sitting. "I got this for you, it came while I was gone. I hope that you like it." She said reaching for her stuff that was in the backseat of his jeep, "let me know okay."

He tilted his head and gave her a funny look as he took the box from her. "Thanks Anna, you didn't have to get me anything though." he had no idea what it could be. He opened the box and a huge smile spread onto his face as he pulled out and bright white lab coat. "Doug Ross Peds attending." he said as he saw the blue cursive letter below the pocket. "Anna..." he said as he looked up at her. He couldn't even tell her how much that meant to him, that she did something this special. "Thank you so much." he said as he took a step forward and pulled her into a hug. "I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet of you...really." he said and he let her go and smiled at her again. "What'd i do to deserve this?"

She smiled looking away from him, "I just wanted you to know how proud of you I was. I mean it's a big deal, at least it was to me." She said, "You deserved something special for your accomplishment." She said jumping into her SUV and starting it. As she got ready to pull out into traffic she leaned a little further out the window "you're the thing that I love most about Chicago Doug."


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter 100:**

Doug about died when he heard her say that. Even if she meant it as a friend he didn't care. Hearing that had made his day then and there. He just smiled and stuck his hand up to wave at her. "You're something special Anna..." he let out a deep sigh as he got into his car."I just wish you were mine." he said as he started his car and made his way home. Once he got there he found a message on his machine from Lynn asking him if they could go to a bar for some dancing and darts. It sounded good to him. He was supposed to pick her up in about an hour so that gave him enough time to get dressed. He smiled again as he set his lab coat on his couch. Every time he saw that he would think of her. Doug went through his new clothes and pulled out a new pair of jeans, and white undershirt and his new green button up Anna had picked out for him. He left his shirt undocked and the buttons down enough that a little of his chest was visible. After rolling up the sleeves to his elbows, fixing his hair, and putting on some cologne Doug slipped on his shoes and grabbed his car keys. He still had 30 minutes to kill before he had to pick up Lynn and wanted to spend some time down by the lake. He drove down and, after parking, found a good bench right on the edge. The sun was setting and it looked beautiful. 'If everyday was like this' he thought to himself 'my life would be perfect'

Anna pulled into her apartment parking lot and bounded up the stairs with her new found treasures. She closed the door as she headed to the bedroom. She pulled out the jean skirt, tank top, and shirt and put them on. She threw on her nylons and put on her boots. She was smiling when she looked in the mirror putting the cowboy hat on her head. She almost laughed she looked so good. She walked into the bathroom and fixed her make up. She fixed her hair so that most of it was up under the hat with little wisps down around her ears. She had just finished getting ready when there was a knock at the door. She bounced out to open it. Jack looked pleasantly surprised. "Wow Anna you are something else." He said holding out her arm for her to take. "I must be graced to have an angel like you on my arm." Anna blushed hearing that. She followed him down to his car. It was a really nice Lexus. He opened the door, "let's go paint the town red my little cowgirl." She slid in as they drove down to a bar. She climbed out when he parked the car and took his arm once more as he led her inside. She felt like she was on top of the world right now.

Doug looked at his watch and saw it was time to go and pick up his date. It didn't take him anytime at all to drive to her house. She was waiting outside for him since the weather was so nice. He smiled at her as he pulled up. "Waiting long?" he asked as she opened the door. "Nah just seems like forever waiting for you." he said as she slid in. "you look nice tonight." he said placing a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks. Anna and I went shopping. You look nice too." he said pulling away. "So where are we going?" she directed him to a small bar a few minutes away. "Buzzy's huh?" Doug said parking the car and opening the door for her. He held her hand as they walked in. Doug looked around; the place seemed nice enough, not too loud. He walked over with Lynn and set her stuff down by a table. He had to look twice at a man standing at the bar. "Hey Lynn come here. I want you to meet my friend." he stood standing up. "Jack Brandon!" Doug yelled throwing up his hand. "How the hell are you?"

"Hey there." Jack said patting Doug's back. "I'm doing well. Just out for a night on the town." Jack leaned back patting Anna's arm, she thought she heard Doug's voice, "Sweetheart, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine Doug Ross."

Anna about fell over when she turned around. To see him standing there all dressed up, with another woman. "Jack darling." Anna said, "Doug and I have already met, we work together at county."

Doug's heart almost stopped when he saw Anna standing there. "This is kind of funny..." he said looking down at his shoes. He quickly looked over at Lynn. "Lynn this is my good friend Jack. We've known each other for...almost ever huh?" he said as he patted jacks arm. "And Anna Del Amico. She's the other peds doc at county. Guys this is my...girlfriend Lynn" he had to almost choke out the word. Lynn stuck her hand out to shake jacks hand and then waited for Anna to do the same. "Nice to meet you both" she said with a smile

Anna smiled her best smile to let him know that she was happy for him even though she had green jealous monsters dancing in her blue eyes. "It's a pleasure to meet you Lynn." Anna said turning her attention back to Jack quickly so that her heart wouldn't break any further. As the band started to play, "Honey you promised me a dance. I like this song, why don't we join Doug and Lynn after the song." She said pulling him towards the dance floor.

Jack looked at Doug, "hey we'll be right back and then you and I can catch up Doug." He said. As he took Anna out on the dance floor. It was Lee Ann Womack's I'll think of a reason later...Anna could think of a million reasons to hate Lynn, but she just let Jack swing her around the dance floor.

Doug just rolled his eyes as the two of them danced.

"So that's her huh?" Lynn asked him

"What?" he said standing up?

"Anna...the one you always talk about. She's cute."

Doug got up and stood behind Lynn, resting his arms around her shoulders as they watched the band. "She's just my friend. One of the only ones I have in Chicago." he said giving her a kiss on her neck. "Except for you of course."

Lynn just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. So how do you know jack?"

Doug sighed as he thought back. "He was my room mate in college. He didn't go to med school though, he was in business. I think he's some big CEO now. I have talked to him since I left for Seattle."

Lynn nodded and wrapped Doug's arms around her tighter. "Well they can both sure dance."

Doug did his best to pretend like he didn't notice Anna having a good time. "Ill take you on the floor in a second. Just let jack and me talk for a second when they get back." Doug hoped Anna and jack were just friends. Jack had been a womanizer in the past but his wife had never found out. He didn't want Anna to be hurt, not again so soon.

Anna laughed as Jack spun her around the floor. He was a good dancer. She held her close to him as they went around his hands firmly on her waist now. She wanted to ask him how he knew Doug, but she'd ask later right now, being there was hard enough on her. As the song came to an end Jack lifted her up off the floor before giving her a kiss, and carried her over to the table where he sat her down on a chair and sat next to her. Anna just shook her head and smiled. As much as she didn't want it to it felt awkward to be sitting there with someone other than Doug. But Doug and Lynn did seem happy to be in each other's company. That was what was most important. She needed to pull herself together.

Anna stood up out of the chair, "excuse me gentleman, but I will be right back." She cringed when she heard Jack, "hurry back love. I wanna dance with you some more." She headed off to the ladies room. She stood stopped in front of the mirror to fix her make up. She wished that she had told Jack that they could sit with Doug and Lynn; it was going to be a long night now. 'Just relax Anna and enjoy you're evening with Jack... you're with Jack not Doug.' She said to herself.

Anna smiled when Lynn said that. "Oh I'm sure he talks about other stuff too." She was trying her hard to be serious now. "He seems really happy with you. I'm glad that he found someone so nice."

Jack looked at Doug, "The kids are fine, they are up at Amy's mother house, Amy had a business meeting in New York she left this morning." He smiled, "Anna's really something special isn't she. If things keep going as good as they have been I might just be getting some more action you know what I mean buddy."

Lynn smiled as she fixed her hair. "Ohm I try to be nice. actually when I met him...I beat him in basketball so I don't know how nice that was." she said with a laugh." no he...really talks about you a lot. You guys must be really close. Sometimes I wish I was his best friend instead of his girlfriend." she said with a smile. Doug hadn't told her Anna and him and dated but she had a pretty good idea that they had some special kind of relationship. "But your jack out there looks nice."

Doug tried hard to keep the smile on his face, as pissed as he was. It seemed like his friend hadn't changed. "Yeah I know...so how'd you meet Anna. I mean you two seem pretty serious. is there a problem with Amy?" he wanted to get the whole story before he said anything to Anna, not letting jack know that he thought there was something wrong with what he was doing.

"He's a good guy. You know, I'm happy for him having you, I know he doesn't have many other friends in Chicago, that's probably the only reason that he talks about me so much." Anna said as she adjusted her hat, "he's been a really good friend thru everything." She wasn't going to get into her past with Doug's girlfriend. "Doug is really giving with his time. I'm still getting to know Jack. New relationship takes time to settle into."

"I got off early and went by the river. She was sitting on a bench there looking really sad, so I made my move. Sad chicks always make the best targets. She seemed happy that I took an interest in her. I sat there and listened to her talk and did my best to make small talk with her, especially after she said that she was some kind of doctor. Intellectual chicks appreciate a guy who can small talk them. A little bit of sweetness went a long way with her, a really long way. Amy and I are fine, there's nothing wrong with having a wife at home, but a little extra icing on the cake never hurt. Anna is a very beautiful woman, fun to spend time with, a nice piece of a on the side never hurt. You were just smart enough never to saddle yourself to one woman. I envy you there buddy. But man tonight is going to be sweet. Why do you have this interest in how I met her, you've got a woman and she just works with you." Jack said to him, "I'm just using her for a little while. You know me; I like my women but don't tend to stay with any one to long. I can trust you not to tell Amy about this?"

Lynn looked at Anna's hat. "I really like that. You have nice style. Come on...we can't leave those boys alone for too long. God knows what they'll do." he said walking out of the bathroom and back over to the table.

Doug did his best to bite his tongue. This wasn't his place to break up another relationship. He didn't want Anna to think that he was jealous and trying to ruin her night. "No I won't talk to Amy." he said flatly taking a drink of his beer. "It's just...Anna's my friend so..." he cut off his sentence as he saw Anna and Lynn come back. He knew he had to tell her. "You know what, never mind jack." he screwed on a fake smile. "Hello ladies."

Anna smiled as she sat back down next to Jack, and nodded at Doug. She felt Jack take her hand under the table. She was having a nice time with a seemingly nice guy. He was treating her really well. The only person who had ever treated her any better was sitting across the table with another woman right now. "Did you two have a nice chat while we were gone?" It was going to be a nice night after all. "Honey could you get me another beer please. And then we can dance some more." She smiled as he nodded and left the table.

Doug felt like he was going to be sick. Anna didn't need this crap and he needed to tell her, he just didn't know how. He rubbed his face and held his head in his hands staring at the peanuts on the table. He didn't even respond when Lynn sat down next to him. 'God how life was unfair for her.' was all he could think.

There was silence at the table. Conversation, they needed conversation and fast. Anna looked over at the two of them, "so Doug, Lynn tells me she beat you at basketball." She laughed, "You are going to have to find some new sports there buddy." She tried to keep it casual like she was talking to her best friend.

Doug barely looked up at her. "Yeah I know right." he said flatly. "I was hurt that day though." he gave a small smile Lynn's way. He could see jack coming back and let out a sigh. 'Should I tell her now or later? God I don't want him to sleep with her again.' he couldn't get the thought out of his head. He knew he must look like something was wrong so he sat up straight as jack came back and tried to smile.

"Thanks baby." She said as he sat the beer down in front of her. She took a drink from the bottle smiling, happy as she could be on cloud 9 right now. "I think I'm ready if you wanna dance again." She wasn't sure what was wrong with Doug. She could usually read him so well, but the look that was on his face had her confused.

Doug heard a slow song come on and jumped up. The band started to play 'I'll Be' and he about lost it. "Actually Anna, could I dance with you for this song?" he knew he probably didn't make a whole lot of sense but he didn't care. "You don't mind dancing with jack for one song do you Lynn?" she looked up at him with a confused look. "Oh uhm no it's fine...if it's fine with you." she said to jack. "Good" Doug said awkwardly. He grabbed Anna's hand and pulled her up. He couldn't stand the thought of jack touching her again. 'Maybe I can find a way to tell her while the songs playing' he thought. 'I have to do it now' he pulled her to the dance floor and kept one eye on jack while he put his hands on Anna's back. This was going to be hard.

Anna was really confused now. But she started to dance with Doug. She smiled her best smile, as they danced, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I was seeing someone."

Doug let out a sigh as he started to dance with her. "No don't...worry about it." he went over the words in his head almost fifty times. It still sounded bad to him. Just thinking about how upset she was bound to get made tears come up in his eyes. He sighed again as he pulled away from Anna a little. "Do you really like him Anna?" he finally asked after much silence.

"He hasn't given me a reason not to. He's treated me like a queen; he's been nothing but a real gentleman." She said softly, "I mean," She sighed it wasn't coming out right, "you know I just want to find someone who treats me as good as you did. And well so far he has."

Ohh hearing that hurt. Doug squinted and looked at her again. He knew the pain he was feeling was showing up on his face. "Anna...I've known jack for a long time, and it looks like he hasn't changed much." he whispered to her. God. He couldn't believe he had to be the one to do this. He took a deep breath and decided just to say it. "Anna he's married." he said in a whisper again. "I was the best man at his wedding nine years ago...he's just using you and I don't want to see that happen...please believe me. I wouldn't hurt you like that if it wasn't true."

Anna bit her lip as she let her words sink in; they hit her like a ton of bricks. "I see." She said softly it hurt a lot more than she thought it would. How could he do that to her. "I believe you I do." She tried her best to fight back the tears but it hurt knowing that she had been used and used hard. "Thank you for telling me." She was going to do some serious ass kicking as her hurt shifted from pain to anger. Softly she added to him, "Don't let go of me until the end of the song." She glared over at Jack with pure hatred in her eyes.

Doug felt awful for ruining her night. He decided it was best not to say anything else. He just pulled her a little closer while the song came to an end.


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter 101**

The song ended and Anna stormed across the dance floor, "excuse us Lynn, Jack and I need to talk outside now!" She pulled him faster than a rat's a outside the bar. "How dare you, what the using me like I was some cheap hooker." She started to push him.

"Whoa there Anna what are you talking about." Jack said backing away from her.

"You jerk, you're married! I am not anyone's mistress ever. I am going to whoop your ass so that it takes you a month to find it." She was ready to hit him.

"Now Anna don't you think you are over reacting." Jack said.

Anna spun faster than he could finish his sentence kicking him squarely in the chest. "No I don't think that I am over reacting." She said backing him up against the wall. And letting him have it. She wasn't going to fight with words; it felt so much better this time to fight using what kickboxing skills she had. "You will never forget the day you crossed me!"

Doug made a face as Anna pulled him out of the bar.

Lynn walked over to him "what's going on?" she asked.

"Jacks married...and sleeping with Anna only she didn't know it." he could see them out the window and saw when Anna kicked him. "Ohh shit." he said running out the door. He took a step behind Anna and put an arm around her chest. "Alright Anna, come on now. Let it go."

Anna stopped for a minute, but she was still livid at him. She glared at Jack enough for Doug to relax his hold on her.

"Thanks for pulling that psycho off me Doug." Jack said as he wiped the blood from his lip.

Anna snapped again. "You son of a b..." Anna let go again as she swung with her fist followed by another swift kick.

Doug tried not to grin when jack got his ass kicked again. After a small look from Lynn Doug grabbed Anna's arm again and pulled her back. "Hey come on. You don't want to go to jail. Besides it's my job to fight people. Come on." he said trying to pull her back inside. "Just let it go."

She wanted to kill him for doing that to her. She shook her hand free from Doug but instead of lunging at Jack again, she fought back the tears, "I have to go, there's someplace I need to go." She started to walk down the street, "sorry for ruining your night Doug. Enjoy the rest of your date."

"Anna wait." he said jogging after her. He gently took her hand. It was dark out and he didn't really want her walking alone at night. "Let me give you a ride...i don't want you to walk alone."

"I'm okay." She said, "I'm a big girl I can take care of myself. Besides I'm not going far." She really didn't want him to take her to an NA meeting it was better if she went herself. Made the extra effort herself. "I'm not going to let him set me back."

"Ok" he said softly, moving out of her way. "Just make sure you call me ok...I really am sorry." he said letting her go past him. It didn't matter anyway; his date was shot for tonight after that.

"Yeah I will. I don't know when but I'll call you." She said as she continued down the street. She kicked herself all the way to the meeting for letting him do that to her. She sat down in the back where she hoped no one could see her tears falling as she tried to start to work thru yet another mess in her life. She closed her eyes silently thinking to herself, "Why does life hate me right now."

Doug walked back to Lynn. "Sorry about that." he said to her with his head down.

"Don't worry about it. She needed to know. At least you were honest." after a quick kiss she whispered into his ear. "Come on...let's go back to my place. It's loud in there anyway."

Doug nodded as he pulled his keys out of his pocket and walked to his car.

Anna opened her cell phone after the meeting. She was crying and didn't want to walk home alone. It was a good mile and a half from the meeting place to her apartment and she didn't trust herself to be alone right now. She hit the button for Doug's cell phone number and sat down on the stairs leaning against the railing for support.

Lynn led Doug to her couch once they got to her house. She gently pushed him down and laid on top of him pulling him into a kiss. As soon as she got his shirt off Doug's cell phone started to ring. He tried to ignore it at first but then realized he had asked Anna to call him. 'What if she needs something?' he asked himself. He gently pushed Lynn away and pulled the phone off his belt. She just sighed as she saw the name on his caller ID. He cleared his throat and answered the phone. "Yeah."

Anna heard his voice on the phone and fell apart again, "Ca...Ca...Can y...yo...you come and g...get m...me." She said sobbing into the phone, "I...I...d...dd...Don't...kn know if I...ca...ca can...g...get ho...home."

"yeah, yeah" he said softly. he winced when he looked at lynn. he knew she was going to be upset. "I'll be right there." he closed his phone and sighed, pulling her hair out of her face.

"I know...just go. She's your friend."

Doug didn't know what to say to her...so he said nothing. He leaned forward and gave her a kiss and stood up. After throwing on his undershirt and tucking his green one under his arm he was out the door and over to the NA building. He parallel parked his car and ran up the stairs where he found Anna crying in the hallway. He stopped running when he saw her and slowly walked over to her pulling her into a hug. "Ohh sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

She looked up at him realizing that he wasn't all the way dressed, "I...I'm s...s...sorry." She sobbed when she realized what she had interrupted. "Y..you w...were...bu...busy."

Doug put his hands on either side of her face so he could look her in the eyes. "I'm never too busy for you. You understand? Never." he wiped the running mascara off from under her eyes and kissed her forehead. "come on" he said putting an arm around her. "let's get you out of here."

She let him led her out of the building as she continued to choke on her sobs. It hurt, "I... don't...tr...trust...my... myself right now."

"Ok" he said rubbing her back as they walked outside. He opened the door for her and helped her in. Doug decided it was best to take her home. He drove quickly. He caught the clock...it was getting late and he could feel it. He rubbed his face as he pulled into her apartment parking place. He walked around the car, helped her out and up to her apartment. Once they were there he walked her over and sat her down putting an arm around her and pulling her into his chest. "Come on, talk to me." he knew sometimes it helped to just babble and let everything out, and he was there for her even if it took all night.

"Life hates me right now." She sobbed into his chest, "I don't want to mess up again. I don't want to let you down again. I don't wanna be used and thrown away."

Doug rubbed her back and rested his head on top of hers. He was quiet for a minute letting her cry and then started to make her feel better. "Ok...first of all, you're not going to mess up. You're so strong Anna. Second you won't let me down. I know how hard you work for everything, and i know you can do it. Lastly..." he leaned back and pulled her head up to look at him. He really wanted her to hear this part. "Don't you ever let a man make you feel down. No one is worth it, and not Jack Brandon. you need to find someone who...who loves you so much he cant stand not to be around you. Someone who calls you in the middle of the night just because he's bursting to talk to you, someone who'd give his life to make you happy. That guys out there Anna, because we all have soul mates. You just haven't found him yet...and I know you will because you're too special to ever be alone." Doug started to wipe away the tears from her face. "And too beautiful to cry like this." he put his hand on the side of her face again. "I wouldn't say that if it wasn't true...I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't. You understand?"

She looked at him and just nodded. She couldn't find any words to say. Her heart was broken into a million pieces. And she didn't know if she'd ever be able to put it back together again. She couldn't find the strength to tell him that the one person who she thought was her soul mate she had thrown away for a stupid reason. The only man she would ever truly love was standing there right in front of her. As she pulled away from him she headed into her bedroom.

She pulled the box out of the closet, the one that was well hidden that he hadn't managed to find when he was tearing apart her closet. She set it down on the coffee table as she sunk into the couch. Her head now resting on her hands, the tears coming once more, this was hard for her, but she trusted him to help keep her from going down that wrong path, "I need you take that please, get it out of here. I don't want it, I don't need it, and I can't go back to that place again. I don't want to be that person anymore. They aren't mine; they were Max's I just hadn't gotten rid of it yet. That's where it came from, that's how they came to be here."

"Ok" he said softly. He knew that was hard for her to do. "Come on, you need to lay down." he said standing up so she could stretch out on the couch. He put his green shirt over her and knelt down beside her head. "You're going to be ok Anna." he didn't know if she wanted him to go or stay. She probably didn't want a man around right now. He grabbed the shoebox and stuck it under his arm. "You call me tomorrow, promise?" he said standing up and walking to the door.

"I will. I promise." She said as she closed her eyes. She was tired and could feel her eyes not wanting to open after they were closed. She felt so alone, more alone that she had even remembered feeling before.

Doug left and drove home in silence. He was so upset with jack...with everything. He got home and flopped in bed. He didn't even change. Tomorrow would come soon enough with its new problems and heartaches. For now he just wanted to sleep and hope for better things for them both.

Anna moved and opened her eyes. Oh sleeping on the couch again had been a mistake everything ached. Doug's shirt was across the top of her, she smiled before she remembers last night events. She walked into the bathroom and took a couple of Tylenol before throwing on her running clothes and her shoes. She laced them up and tucked her keys and cell phone into the pockets of her sweatshirt. She locked the door behind her and went down the stairs. She needed to clear her head. She started out along the river where the steam was coming off the water giving a light fog to the area where she was running. It felt so good to be getting away for what time she could. The early morning jogs were here favorites. Even though she hurt pushing herself, to get back into her routine felt good.

She might just have to stop by county on her way back. Doug had told her to call and she had promised that she would but she wanted to do this first. She felt awful about interrupting his date, or did she. She had to smile when she thought about how sexy he looked in nothing but the undershirt. Oh man that probably caused some problems between him and Lynn. She wanted him to be happy and if she was causing trouble in his relationship he wouldn't be happy. She stopped thinking about Doug's love life. She came back, breathing hard now; she walked into the ambulance bay. She picked up the basketball that was laying there near the hoop. Ha yeah right like she could get it up there with a cast on her wrist. She bounced it a couple of times on the ground and shot. Shocked when it actually went in. Those made her feel a little better. She threw it up a few more times smiling to herself. She didn't completely suck at this after all.


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter 102**

Doug moaned as his alarm went off at 5:30. "Oh man" he said to himself whacking it to shut up. After lying in bed for a few more minutes he got up and got dressed. He put on some of his new clothes, black slacks and a grey shirt, after he got himself cleaned up he walked into the living room and saw his lab coat. Just like he thought it would...it made him smile. After packing up his papers and sticking a pop tart in his bag Doug jumped into his car and drove for county. It was really foggy and hard to see, but nice none the less. The sun hadn't come up yet and the world was still quiet. Doug parked in the parking deck and walked quietly to the ambulance bay. He knew this would be the only time he would have to himself for the rest of the day so he wanted to soak it up. He almost laughed when he came up behind Anna throwing a basketball in her cast. No one had played on that since him and mark and one could tell. Rust was everywhere, but Doug could still remember the games and fun they had. On the next shot the ball bounced past Anna. Doug picked it up with one hand and shot it from the top of the key making it go in with a swish. He was silent as he watched the ball go in and kept walking a few steps. He didn't know what she was doing here but she looked better than last night. "Good morning" he said without any facial expression at all. He was tired and couldn't exactly be cheery just yet.

She turned around, seeing Doug, "morning." She tried to give him a smile. "I, uh, know that I uh promised I would call, but umm I thought it would be just as easy to stop by since I was out running and all. Uh, let you see that I'm umm okay." It wasn't a complete lie. She was mostly okay, she would be okay eventually but it was just going to take some time, to get over it. She wasn't as hurt as she was last night, but still sad and he didn't need to have to have her bring him down so early in the morning. She wasn't sure if it was just last night that had her down or a combination of the past few days. She walked over and set the ball back under the hoop. "I uh guess now that I've done that I'll be going. Besides I'm sure that County's chief of pediatric emergency medicine has a busy day, someone has to work." With that she gave him a half hearted smile and fake laugh as she started to walk back out of the bay, it was easier to walk away, hide the hurt than to let him see it, she choked out, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Doug nodded as she walked away. "Yeah" he watched her leave and then walked inside. He made more meetings than work to do today. He had to talk with Romano at nine and attend a presentation later in the day. He was glad Anna was looking better, but he was looking forward to tonight. He and Lynn were going to the culls game with his courtside tickets. Even though he knew he was going to be in trouble with her at first they might just have a good time. Doug put his stuff in his locker and looked at the clock. He had enough time to see a few patients before his meeting with Romano. He grabbed the one peds chart he found and walked into exam two.

Anna got back to her apartment and looked thru the closet she had almost completely forgotten she had to do the research presentation today! She had so much other stuff going on at least it had been moved to Chicago instead of someplace else or she would have been running for a flight. She flipped open her computer to double check everything, found her slides and then when she knew she had all of that together she grabbed her keys and ran down to the copy shop to get some stuff copied that supported what they had found. She might be able to get everything done in time for her to make it there. Her stomach growled as she swung into a star bucks drive thru for a latte and muffin. She parked and ran into catch a NA meeting before it got to be to late. She was going to prove to both Kerry and Doug that she could do this. She kept constantly checking her watch afraid that with her mind scattered she was going to be late. There was one thing on her side right now and that was that she knew the material by heart after all this was her baby, she had come up with the idea and gotten the hospital in Philadelphia to let her try it.  
Romano sat in his office looking over the list of names that he had been given. He couldn't believe that he had to give the ER bonnie and Clyde med students and residents, but the board thought that since they were a teaching hospital it would be good to give them experience in kids and trauma. Robert wasn't going to argue with the board. Hopefully those two ER cowboys could keep them from killing anyone.

Doug finished up his two patients and headed up to Romano's office. He was right on time, down to the minute, as he knocked on Romano's door. He hoped he didn't keep him too long. He had another meeting to be at soon.

Romano looked up, "come in Dr. Ross." He said motioning for him to sit down, "Since you are now in charge, god only help us now, of the pediatric ER downstairs, I have medical students and residents to help you out." Robert handed him the list of names, "I expect you to teach them to do as you say not as you do. You and Bonnie down there had better not let them kill anyone or let them pick up your bad habits of breaking the rules."

Doug rolled his eyes. He liked the bonnie and Clyde comment though. "Well we don't break the rules as much as we...bend them." he said with a grin. "I take it all these start in the upcoming semester? That's not very much notice for me you know?" he said looking over the long list of names

"Yeah actually I know it's not much time." Robert couldn't help but grin, "but unfortunately that's management. They are you're responsibility, teach them, and then send them on. I don't care what you do with them as long as I don't have to deal with it...they are your scut puppies. Now get out of here."

Doug gave a sarcastic salute and stood up to leave the room. He only had about thirty minutes before he had to be at some presentation. He hadn't even looked at what it was about. Doug ran across the street to docs for a quick food break. He didn't feel like eating the pop tart he had brought from home so he decided for a brunchy salad instead.

Anna parked and quickly ran up the stairs to her apartment, she didn't have much time to get everything together and get out the door. She threw on her business suit. Smoothing out the wrinkles with her hands as she quickly threw on some make up to make herself look as professional as she could before darting out and gathering up her stuff. She drove over to the med school and took everything inside. She wasn't sure but she was actually a little bit nervous about the whole thing now. She took a couple of deep breaths as she sat down and waited, she hoped that this all went over well.

Kerry saw Doug walk over to Doc's she followed holding his new budget in her hands. "Hey you forgot this." She said as she sat down, "I know that you are on your way over to that trauma presentation, but this is your new budget now that you are actually a chief. I never thought that I would be sitting next to Doug Ross, Chief of Pediatric Emergency medicine." Kerry chuckled, " I know that you will do an excellent job with it, but hey you are going to have to hire an attending to help you with the student loads, if you can't find one I know of a certain pediatrician that would come with excellent references, she's hard working, dedicated to her job, doesn't mind long hours and is great with kids. I would hate to lose her from my ER, but I think knowing that she had an attending position with you would make it worth it."

Doug smiled at he took the paper from her. He hadn't heard he had got the nod but decided to play it off anyway. "Yeah I know the perfect one." he said finishing his salad. "Are you going to the presentation too? I hope it doesn't last too long. I hate those things."

Kerry smiled, "no, I don't have to attend a pediatric trauma presentation...I'm a grown up doctor."

Doug made a face at her when he stood up. "Gee thanks. Little people are special too." he joked. "I'll give Anna the good news when i see her. Have a good night Kerry!" he said as he flew out the door. He was already going to be late now. Doug hailed a cab and made his way to the med school. He jogged around the campus. It had been awhile since he had been there and had forgotten where the auditorium was. He glanced at his watch as he asked a security guard where it was. As he directed him to the other side of the campus Doug sighed and started to jog again. 'How can i be late for my first one of these?' he thought


	103. Chapter 103

**Chapter 103**

Anna got up, she looked around the room, Doug wasn't there so the butterflies in her stomach settled down a little bit. The thought of him in the room was what was making her nervous. She wasn't sure if it was because of the way she felt about him, or not wanting to show off by being asked to do this. She started in on her presentation, "ladies and gentlemen of the medical profession..." She started in with the facts of their finding going as walked back and forth across the stage in an attempt to drive home her points. She had settled in and was comfortable now. They had turned the lights down so that she couldn't see much farther than the first few rows in the auditorium.

Doug found the door and almost ran in. he grinned shyly as everyone looked at him. He was surprised to see Anna on stage. He had totally forgotten that she was supposed to be presenting today. "Sorry" he said as he quietly walked over and sat down in a seat. He crossed his legs and tried his best not to smile. He knew she had to be nervous and he hoped he didn't throw her off track. He leaned back in his chair and waited for her to continue. 'She's going to kill me' he thought as he looked like he was listening tentatively.

She didn't break her stride. How could he show up late? Oh well, she couldn't worry about it now. She picked up right off where she had left off with out missing a beat. This was important to her and she wasn't going to let him being there shake her. "In closing I'd to see more hospital follow Philadelphia's led in using this as the treatment of choice. Thank you all for your time." Anna stepped of the stage. She had her back to where Doug had been sitting now as Alex walked up to her.

"Anna good job, you are wonderful at this."

She smiled, "ah that's just because you're my old boss."

He looked at her his expression changing to one more serious, "I'd like you to reconsider and rejoin our team, I have an opening for a director of research and I think that you would fit it perfect."

Anna looked at him a minute, "well Alex thank you for the offer, but right now my heart is here in Chicago. It's time for me to settle down and put other things first."

He held out his hand to her to shake it, "well I guess then that is our loss and it must be one lucky man to have you be willing to not take that offer."

She shook her head, "No, I'm the lucky one."

Doug stood up to tell her what a good job she had done and how sorry he was for being late when he heard what she had said. He walked up behind her and turned to her old boss. "Either that or she's just damn stupid. But then again, you'd fit right it at county." he said with a smile. He stuck his hand out to shake her old boss's and introduce himself. "Doug Ross. Dr. Del Amicos' new...and hopefully long lasting supervisor." He smiled at them both. "You did a wonderful job...sorry i was late, i got a little lost. I have to run but you give me a call later, I have something I need to talk with you about." he said touching Anna's shoulder. "Nice to meet you. Good job again." he said before making an exit. His mind was swirling with ideas to do something special for Anna. She had made his day just then, whether she realized it or not. An idea popped into his mind as he walked down the street. He grabbed for his cell phone and dialed an old friend's number. "Steve Delany...hey it's Doug Ross. I know its shocking I'm back in town. You ready for me to call in that favor?"

Anna stayed at talked a few minutes before heading out to the car. He wanted her to call him. She started the car and drove back to her apartment. The suit was driving her nuts. She just wanted to change clothes and relax for a few minutes. She walked into the bathroom and drew up a bath, lighting some candles to help her unwind after that. She turned grabbed her cell phone and turned on some soft music. She sat there for a little while unwinding, relaxing and letting her mind wander. There was no way that she could have taken that job right now, if he had asked her 2 weeks ago it would have been a different story. What did Doug want to talk to her about now? Curiosity was getting the best of her so she flipped open the phone and put her feet up at the end of the tub. He was still at the top of her speed dial list as she hit the number and waited for it to go.

Doug had just made it to his friend's bike shop. Steve had owed him a favor for a long time ever since Doug had bailed him out of jail. "This should do it" Steve said rolling out a nice Harley, with enough room for two people. "Don't you wreck it or anything ok?" Doug just smiled as he looked at the bike. It was so nice; he hoped Anna would be surprised. He drove it carefully back to his house and got changed into his new pair of jeans, black boots, a white t-shirt and a nice leather jacket that he had wanted to wear. He was about to call Anna when his phone rang. "Hello?" he asked as he slipped on his sunglasses and walked outside. Boy was she going to get a kick out of this.

"Hey there," She said into the phone, "so what is it you want to talk to me about? I'm dying here to know." She said as she blew out the candles and started to climb out of the tub because the water was getting to cold for her. She wrapped a towel around her. "Say you need to talk to me about something and run off...curiosity is getting me."

"yeah sorry about that..." he said clipping his helmet on."You know what...I'm really sorry but I can't talk right now either...are you going to be by the phone for a little bit? its something important but a patient just came in." he wanted to make sure she would actually be at her apartment when he showed up there but he didn't want to give her any kind of heads up. She was going to be so happy with her new promotion and he couldn't wait to tell her.

She laughed, "Uh yeah, kind of hard to go anywhere when I'm standing here buck naked. Go take care of your patient. I'll talk to you after bit." She said snapping the phone closed. Oh he could be such a brat sometimes. She walked into the bedroom she pulled a pair of jean shorts out of her dresser and put them and her GU tee shirt on and went out to watch basketball for a little bit.

Doug made his way over to her apartment building. Boy he was glad he still remembered how to ride one of these. He stopped the bike on the street right outside her apartment. "This is going to be fun" he said to himself. Doug revved the engine a few times; sure that Anna would hear it. After that he called her house so she wouldn't look out the window just yet.

Anna thought she heard someone revving a motorcycle engine outside her apartment as she went to look out the window her phone rang. "Hello,' she said, she headed for the window only to realize that she was tethered to the wall. She was trying to inch herself closer to the window to look out, she put her leg up on the window ledge to push the curtain but the position that she was in now she was looking at the ceiling instead of out the window.

"Hey there Anna" Doug said smiling into the phone. "So tell me...what are you doing at this very moment?"

She laughed, as she lost her balance falling back onto the floor with a loud thud. "Trying to look out my front window but I'm tethered to the wall."

Doug smiled. "Now why would you do a silly thing like that? Why don't you just walk down...oh damn...got to go..." he said sarcastically hanging up the phone quickly. Doug leaned against the bike trying to set up a pose that would make her laugh. He fixed his jacket and sunglasses and leaned against the bike crossing his legs at his ankles. He hoped she'd take the bait and not leave him sitting down there forever.

She heard the click of the phone going dead. Walk down... what was he, oh hell. She untangled her self from the phone and grabbed her keys so that she didn't lock herself out again shoving them into her pocket. She closed her door and bounded down the stairs. She threw the door open and about had a heart attack. There he was sitting on a motorcycle. "Oh my God!" She squealed in delight as she giggled all the way over to where he was sitting, "a motorcycle Doug, "what are you doing?"

Doug pulled his sunglasses down on the bridge of his nose. "Well the Bonnie and Clyde team need a nice ride right? I mean...me as chief, you as the new peds ER attending...I thought the special news deserved a special ride for my best friend." he said standing up with a huge smile and tossing her a helmet. "That is if you want the job."

"Oh are you serious, really serious." She said as she threw her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug, "yes of course I do yes I want the job. Chief, oh man wow, you're the big man now I am so happy for you. Me an attending!" She was about to bubble over from the excitement. "A ride, yes, yes, yes!"

Doug smiled as he hugged her back. He was glad she was so excited. "Alright then...let's get going!" he said putting his helmet back on. Doug swung his leg back on the bike and turned it back on, revving the engine for her again. "Alright sweetheart. You better hold on tight."

Anna put the helmet on and slid on behind him as she wrapped her arms around his waist hugging against him tightly. "Let's go Clyde." She giggled. She couldn't believe that they were actually doing this, that he would take the time to do something special like this for her.

Doug kicked back the kick stand and hurled them off into the street. Once they got to the highway he nailed it up to sixty five. He knew Anna liked the whole wind-in-her-hair thing. As he sped up he leaned down and took her past the city. There were far better places to go in Chicago then by the buildings and busy streets. While he was driving he thought of somewhere nice to take her. 'Got to be the tire swing' he thought to himself. He had found it one year when he was looking for a Christmas tree. This tiny little tire swing in a cleared field right on the lake. It must have been part of a farm but no one was ever out there and it wasn't too far away. 'It'll be perfect' he thought to himself, as he could see the sun was starting to set.

There was a grin a mile wide on her face now as they flew out of the city. The wind against her felt absolutely wonderful. She leaned against his back holding onto him. This couldn't get any better. Well it could get better, but that just wasn't going to happen. He had a girlfriend and she was just his friend. She held onto him but not as tight now that Lynn had crossed her mind. Nothing was going to take the smile off her face as long as the wind was blowing in her hair.

Doug got off the highway and slowed down as he turned down a dirt road. He stopped a little further out so they could walk a little bit. He turned off the bike and sat up a little to stretch. "This is one of my favorite places Anna" he said standing up. He took off his helmet and tried to fix his matted hair. He held out his hand to help her off the bike. "I use to come out here all the time. Its absolutely beautiful...you'd never know you were only minutes from the city." he said as he started to walk. He noticed the chill in the air as the wind picked up and took off his jacket, throwing it around Anna's shoulders as they walked. He set his glasses on the top of his head as he stepped behind Anna, putting his hand over her eyes. "This is something you just won't believe. You have to keep your eyes closed though. The first time you see it is always the best...it kind of stays with you." he said softly into her ear.

She giggled. "Just don't let me trip there Clyde." She said as she felt the soft ground beneath her feet. "I trust you, I'm sure that is it wonderful."

Doug walked her over to the swing and sat her down in it. He stood behind her and let his hand down over her eyes. The sun was setting on the lake and it could be seen perfectly through the clearing of trees. Doug leaned against the tire swing hoping she would like it as much as he did. He had always been sentimental for these kinds of things. He looked into the sun and sighed...it was times like these he forgot they were nothing more than friends. That he had almost ruined her life twice and somehow she still liked being around him. It was times like this he wanted to drop everything and tell her the truth...his heart belonged to her, but he couldn't hurt her again.

"Oh." She gasped when he took his hands off her eyes. "It's beautiful." She said softly. As she leaned back against him taking it in. "I'm so glad you brought me here." She was smiling a true and genuine smile now as she looked down at the lake.

"Really?" he asked as he gave her a small push in the swing. "I'm really proud of you Anna." he said after a moment. "Somehow you can manage to have life knock you...but you just stand back up and keep on going. You have to know...no matter what kind of stupid things I do in the future, that you mean the world to me, and I'm really glad that out of all the people you could choose to spend your time with, you pick me. Cause I wouldn't be half the person I am without a friend like you."

"I do know." She said leaning back to look at him, "but just know that I couldn't keep getting back up if I didn't have you." She said. Oh that probably didn't sound right. As she looked up at the old tree. She wanted to change the subject fast before she said something that would give away that she didn't want to be just friends. "Uh Doug are you sure that branch is going to hold?"

Doug grinned an evil grin. He stuck his foot on the tire and stood up. "Ohh oh no!" he joked as he jumped on it. In a leap he jumped over the swing and landed in front of her. "Come here you." he said as he pulled her into a loose headlock. Once her got her up and put his hands around her waist and lifted her up. "You know it'd be really mean to throw you in that lake." he said taking a few steps forward. "Cold water and all...you'd be really pissed."

"Oh no," She giggled, "You wouldn't dare." She looked at him trying to figure out if he was serious about dunking her in that cold water. "Oh yes you would. I'd have to go medieval on your butt like I did last night. You'd be so sorry. Cause I could kick your butt buddy." She was laughing and wiggling now she didn't want him to let go, but she didn't want to end up in that lake either.

Doug took her to the edge of the lake but stopped. He wouldn't dump her in the water when it was still cold outside. He set her down and spun her around. "I couldn't do that to you...I can't loose another fight especially not to a..." Doug winced when he thought of that. "Ohh damn" he said grabbing for his phone. He was supposed to have picked Lynn up a half an hour ago for the basketball game. He took a few steps away from Anna as he called her home phone. "Hey...I'm really sorry for being late...we can still go, I mean they're great seats...not in the mood anymore." the words made Doug's voice get low. He didn't want Anna to hear this conversation. "Uhm, well why don't you just stop by my house, we can have dinner. I'll be home in a half an hour. See you then." he said as he closed his phone. He looked back at Anna and sighed. "I'm afraid I need to go." he said with a weak smile. He knew he was in trouble with Lynn, he just hoped he'd be able to fix it. The last thing he wanted to be was alone.

She wasn't going to say anything, damn that man had stood up his girlfriend to bring her out here, "it's starting to get cold anyway." She said as she started to walk back the way that they came. "Thanks for all of this; it means a lot to me that you would do something like this for me."

"Yeah I'm sure" he said walking back to the motorcycle. He hopped on and waited for Anna to get situated before starting it again. He pulled out of the dirt road and got back on the highway. He was probably about right with the time. After he dropped Anna off at her house and got home it would be thirty minutes. He thought about what he had in his fridge as he drove. He had some chicken he could throw on the grill for the two of them. He didn't know why it was so easy to think of things to do for Anna but so hard for everyone else. Doug sped up as they hit an open patch of highway. He still wanted Anna to have a good time on the way back. Something about her holding onto him the way she did made him feel good. He was glad she trusted him so much.

She leaned into him holding on as if it was the last time that she would get to do this with him. The trip back into the city went faster than she wanted it to and they were in front of her apartment building once again. She unwrapped her arms from him as she slid off the back of the bike. "I guess then I will see you tomorrow there Chief." She said as she took the helmet off and shook her hair free. "What time am I on boss?" She asked him as she started back towards the door of her apartment. She didn't want to keep any longer than she had to, but he was so cute sitting on the bike.

Doug grinned as he took the helmet from her. "7am" he said with a wink. "You think I can pull off this bad boy look?" he joked before revving the engine and peeling out of the side of the street. He gave a small wave as he drove past her on his way home. By the time he got there Lynn was just pulling up.

"Motorcycle huh?" she asked as they both parked. "Yeah...Anna got an attending spot so I took her for a ride. I really am sorry about tonight. It just slipped my mind." he said walking over to her. She took his hand and walked him into his backyard.

"Yeah that happens when you're in love...other things slipping your mind." she said to him.

Doug opened his mouth to say something but Lynn stopped him.

"Doug...you're a great guy, but I can't win against someone you're in love with, and I don't want to. You really need to tell Anna how you feel. And don't you dare tell me you don't love her. I see the way your eyes light up when you talk about her. You need to grab her up before she's gone." Lynn reached up and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "You're a good friend though. Why don't you call me up sometime when you want to shoot some hoops or go out for a beer?"

Doug just nodded. He knew nothing he could say would change her mind.

"Good luck Doug." she said before walking away.

Doug felt down as she left. How could he ruin something that was so nice like that? He was so stupid. After throwing some chicken on his grill Doug turned on his radio and sat down in his chair swing in his back yard and looked up at the stars. 'I don't want to be alone' he said to himself as he took a sip of one of the beers he had brought out. He propped his feet up and tried to think on what Lynn had said. 'Maybe she was right. But how do I tell Anna that? What if she doesn't feel the same?' he would be crushed that's what. He finished the beer and opened another one as he played with the cross on his necklace. 'Someone tell me what to do' he thought to himself, while he sat there alone.


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter 104**

Anna walked up her stairs. Seven, okay she could do that. Oh Christ her stethoscope was still over at Doug's. She opened her door and picked up her purse and then headed back down the stairs. She climbed into her car and headed across town. She hoped that she wouldn't be interrupting anything as she parked behind her car. She got out and started to walk up the stairs but she could hear music coming from the backyard. And she could smell food being cook outside on the grill. She walked around back. Her heart dropped when she saw him sitting in the swing, he looked pretty down. She stood there for a minute. Something had to have happened since he left her house. She hadn't seen another car out front, she thought that he would have had plans with Lynn and that's why he had to bring her back so fast. She walked over to where he was sitting and sat down next to him. "Hey I needed to get my stethoscope from you." She reached over and patted his leg, "so what's going on babe? I'm here for ya if you need me."

Doug sighed when Anna sat down next to him. "Oh it's in my house I'll get it for you" he mumbled without making an effort to move. He sat there for a second and realized Anna wanted to know what had happened. He couldn't very well make something up. 'What the hell' he told himself. "Nothings going on really...Lynn just broke up with me is all. Kind of a nice event to end the night with." he said flatly and sarcastically. Doug sat up all the way and brought one knee into his chest as he looked out into the yard. He knew the reason why she had broken up with him was a good one, and deep inside him Doug almost hoped Anna would ask. At least that way he would have a reason to tell her. He could play it off as a joke that way if he could tell she didn't feel the same. On the other hand he was terrified of another conversation like that. He couldn't tell by her reaction today at the lake on where they stood. So he just stared forward and waited for the shoe to drop...whatever it was.

Anna leaned back against the swing. She wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it or if she should just let drop. She wasn't even sure if he wanted her there right now. As much as she wanted too she wasn't able to read anything off him other than being hurt. Anna was silent for a minute before saying anything. She felt bad for him, "oh honey, I'm sorry." She collected her thoughts for another minute before finding the courage to ask, her conversation with Lynn in the ladies room running thru her head. She felt bad for him. 'Any woman would be a fool to walk away from you, I should know, I should have fought for you harder,'' went thru her head. "If you want to tell me, that's fine, if you don't want to talk about it I completely understand, why did she break it off with you honey?"

Doug shrugged. As much as he wanted it not to be a nig deal he did feel bad that he had hurt Lynn. He closed his eyes when she asked him why Lynn broke up with him. He could so easily lie and everything would be back to normal. He decided to test the waters and let out a semi grin. "She told me i was still hung up on you." he said looking straight forward. Anna's reaction would tell him if he should go any further with the thought. He hadn't actually revealed anything yet.

Anna patted his leg sort of smiling as she rolled her eyes at him before looking at the ground. She didn't want to ask almost afraid of the answer, "why, what would give her that idea." She said softly, 'you stopped loving me after Kentucky' she said to herself.

Doug put both feet down and leaned forward. He could smell the chicken cooking and he new he needed to turn it. God how he was afraid she was going to ask that. He let out a deep sigh. There was no going back, he knew he needed to tell her anyway, even if he got shot down. "Well...it's because I am" he said before standing up and walking across the yard to the grill. He didn't look at her at all. He was afraid of her reaction. He walked over to the grill and opened it up and flipped the chicken. 'It's not too late to turn it all into a joke.' he thought to himself. The other half of him was almost glad he had said it. At least now, whatever she felt for him, she knew.

Anna bit her lip as her heart skipped a beat. As she watched him walk across the yard. She wasn't sure how to respond to that. He wasn't over her. She lowered her eyes to the ground, well this might go up in flames but she was going to say it anyway. What was just one more rejection, would it put up something between them that would not allow them to be friends at all anymore. She knew she needed to choose her words carefully, having him as a friend was better than not having him at all. "Last night when you were trying to make me feel better. And you said all those things to me. The only thing that I could think was that I had that man right there, but I was to afraid to say anything, I wanted to be your friend, because I didn't want to live my life without you in it, and if I couldn't be anything more than just a friend for you that's what I was happy to be. At lunch I couldn't tell you what was bothering me, only because" She kicked the ground, "how do you tell the person who is your best friend that you are jealous that they have moved on, and I was, that you are on my mind 23 out of the 24 hours in a day. You will always have my heart." She was going to be honest with him now as she leaned against the back of the swing, closing her eyes so that the tears wouldn't fall, there was a difference between being stuck on her and still loving her. There was no going back now. She just hoped that he would be able to hear her cause her legs were not going to move her right now, but she might as well put it all out on the line now, "I thought that you had stopped loving me. That you didn't care about me like that anymore." She took a deep breath as she asked the loaded question, "where are we, is there an us?" And waited for him to shoot her down, and tell her that she was reading it all wrong that he couldn't be anything but her friend.

Doug sighed as he closed the grill. 'Here comes another serious conversation' he thought. He walked over and stood in front of her. So he didn't have to answer her question right then he decided to ask one of his own. "Why are you looking so sad? You think I'm going to tell you i hate you?" he said with a small laugh. "Don't think that Anna. ..The other night when i was trying to make you feel better i was describing the things i would do for someone i loved...someone like you."

She lifted her head up. "Well I wasn't thinking that you hate me...more like I was getting my signals mixed up again. You are a hard man to read sometimes." She said letting a smile cross her face. "Sometimes I can read you like a book and then other times you're a giant puzzle to me." She stood up, "I probably should be going."

Doug watched her stand up. He was going to let her go when 'sometimes love just aint enough' came on the radio. "But there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay who they are. Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough." Doug couldn't believe that, it seemed like some kind of sign. 'Damn songs' he said to himself. Doug's heart pushed him to move before his brain did. Before he knew it he had her hand. "No...Don't go."

She stopped when she felt his hand touch hers. That same spark of electricity shooting up her spine. "I'll stay." She said smiling. When did music become so depressing. She turned to give him a smile and a nervous laugh "you know we are cursed. But if you want me to stay I will. I'd rather be with you than home alone. I can't stay long though I mean after all I'm sure that my boss wouldn't want me to be late on my first day in my new position."

Doug smiled "Oh thanks...I'm glad dinner with me is a step above staying alone." he joked. "You know i have two pieces of chicken here because...i thought i was having a date tonight. Since i kind of got dumped you have to stay. I mean, what am I going to do with the piece of chicken?" he was trying his best to be funny. He still didn't know where they stood since neither of them had really answered the question. But he got the feeling there would be plenty of time tonight to figure it out. "Come on" he said walking over to the table on his deck.

"Well I must admit that is the most interesting dinner invitation I have gotten." She said as she followed him. She smiled and laughed as she shook her head, "I can fill in so that you don't have to figure out what you are going to do with it."

"Ha-ha" Doug laughed as he opened the grill. "That's good because i don't like eating what i cook and i sure as hell don't want to have to reheat it." Doug fixed her plate for her and walked over to the table. He sat down and poked the chicken for a second. 'I should say something' he thought to himself. "you know...I rented High Fidelity if you want to stay a little later...uhm we could talk Peds too you know with your first day back tomorrow and all umm or you know you could go home cause its be getting late." Doug would have smacked himself in the head if she hadn't been sitting there. 'What am i...i freaking freshman?' why was this so hard?

She had to laugh, he was stumbling over his words like they were back in high school again, when they first started seeing each other. "I don't know, I don't want to stay out past my curfew."

Doug ate a piece of chicken and shot her a look. "Thank you...as if i couldn't feel any worse about myself you have to just go and keep on kicking me. You know this wouldn't be so hard if i got a little feedback...joke maybe...a pun if you will. But no, just sarcasm." he said with a grin. "I mean you could at least stick to making fun of my cooking and not me. It might hurt my ego less."

She just shrugged her shoulders, and giggled, "Well ya know I could make fun of your cooking, but uh, everything that I eat at the apartment comes from a box or a can. I can't cook, I burn water. Sure I can heal the sick but if I didn't own a can opener I'd starve to death."

"Ha-ha well I got one up on you then." he said pushing his plate away and looking at the sky. "Ohh we're hopeless. What is this?" he asked pointing between the two of them. "I mean we're adults so...lets just end the games. All i want is for you to tell me flat out, here and now...what's going on with us."

She looked at him, "what's going on with us." She had to pause, a minute, and try to think of something to say that would make sense, "I uh, oh for heavens sake," this was harder than she thought it would be. Just speak from your heart Anna, "I still love you, I always have and I always will. But as to if there's an us, I don't know. Do I want there to be an us, I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Do you want an us, I have no clear clue as to what you want."

"And i thought you could always read me so well." he said standing up. It was getting cold outside. "I don't kn...Ok no i do know I'm just not sure, how about that? I really do like you Anna. I feel good when I'm with you and i feel bad when I'm not. I just don't want to go through all this again. you cant promise me that you're not going to wake up tomorrow...or a week from now and find someone you love more...and that scares me." he put away their dishes and started to carry them inside. The conversation was getting a little deep for him and he was almost sorry be brought it up. "I just don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I just don't know if loving you is going to be enough." he said before going inside.


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter 105**

She sat there for a minute. Her love someone else, where did that come from. Did she want to know? She got up and walked inside, "why do you think that I am going to fall in love with someone else? Tell me what I did that gave you the impression that once I was seeing someone that I would do something like that, especially to you. Can you promise me that Doug; can you promise me that in a week, a month, a year that you won't find someone else to love?" She hated this but she didn't raise her voice she didn't yell she kept her tone soft. "You don't want to get hurt, I can understand that, really I can, but I am not a mind reader. If you don't think that loving me is going to be enough and if me giving you my love in return..." She didn't want to finish that sentence ever again. She looked him right in the eyes, "is this about our relationship or is this because you can't trust me anymore?"

Doug closed his eyes when she said that. Boy did she hit the nail on the head. He stood and thought about it for a moment. "I don't think you want me to answer that." he said leaning against the counter. 'Please don't let us get into a fight' he thought to himself. 'Not tonight'

She didn't say anything. There was nothing that she could say. He had said it all right there. "It's going to take time, if we are going to try this, and if it's going to work we're going to have to take it slow, very slow." She said. She wasn't looking for a fight tonight, but she was beginning to get the feeling that this was hopeless. She was probably going to regret saying this, "could you just get my stethoscope and I am going to go, we need some time to figure out what we are going to do. I'm walking away from you; there is just nothing that I have to say in my defense. When you're wrong you're wrong, and I was."

Doug bit his lip. He really wasn't expecting that. He didn't want to assign blame because they had both messed up, not just her. "Fine" he said with a little more disdain than he meant too. He got up from the counter and walked to his living room where he picked up her stethoscope. He tossed it at her and grabbed his laptop. Doug set it down on the counter and turned it on. 'At least i can pretend like i have better things to do' he said to himself. He didn't know if she'd believe it or not but it was a lot easier for him then opening himself up to being hurt. He wished she could see how scared and alone he was without him saying it. 'Wish she could read me now and know I'm not as tough as i seem' he said in his head.

Out of habit she threw it around her neck pulling on the ends of it. She lowered her voice, "you're not the only one who doesn't want to be alone, or who's scared of getting hurt." She rested her head against the door, "I'd do anything for you. I'd leave Chicago if that would make things easier on you. It might be hard to believe but I want to find the way to fix all of this."

'Then why don't you fix it' he mumbled to himself low enough that she wouldn't hear. "That's a stupid thing to say Anna. I wouldn't want you to leave your job, much less the city." he sighed clicking hard at the keys on the keyboard. He didn't know what else to say to her. He was tired of always being the one left to fix things. He didn't want to be the one to do it this time. If she wanted this she could step up to the plate and win his trust back. "Night Anna" he said without looking at her. He didn't know why but he thought if he did she would see through his act. See that he really didn't want her to go, but he was going to play it that way. It was his best defense and he was sticking to it.

She stayed right where she was her feet wouldn't move out the door for her. There was one more thing that she needed to say before she walked out that door. She walked over to him, letting her heart talk for her, "how do I undo what I did, how can I repair the hurt that I've done, what is it that you need to see from me to repair the trust?" She was being honest with him, "I know that I have to fix it, tell me what you need from me to get it back. I can't read your mind on this one Doug. I know you don't like serious conversations, and if I could spare you this one I would. God knows that you and I have had enough for two lifetimes. You're the one thing in my life that I have that's worth fighting for, the one thing that I should have fought harder for a long time ago."

He knew he shouldn't but he looked up at her anyway. he could tell in her eyes that what she was saying was true but something in him just couldn't give in. "Anna, you shouldn't have to ask me what you need to do to make it up..." he realized how cold that sounded and knew he had to add something. "It's not all you either. I have some things i need to work out, and i don't really want to do it alone. It just...pisses me off that i can't find a meaningful relationship because you're always in my head. And if we don... if we don't work out i don't know what I'm going to do." weakness slipped into his voice at the end. 'Damn it Doug you should have shut up' he told himself. His eyes slipped from her and back down to the table. He didn't even have a guess on how she was going to react to that.

She sat down next to him and took his hand into her, she needed to find some way to get him to open up to her, he seemed to shut off and distant, "you're not alone." She spoke soft letting what emotions she felt come thru in her voice, "I am right here beside you. I will always be right here." She brought his hand up to her heart, "you have a place in here that no one else can ever get to. I'm not the same person I was, before all of this. "She let go of his hand bringing hers together resting her head against her thumbs as they were now holding in any tears that might fall, almost as if she was lost in prayer sitting there. She softly sighed, "You and I are not good at this talking thing. We're too alike, both short tempered, okay my fuse might be a lot shorter, but this is the only time I am going to say it, and then I am letting it go, once and for all, and if it changes the way that you see me, then it does and there is nothing that I can do about it. I made a mistake in not opening up to you, and there is no excuse for that, and as stupid as this may sound to you, it was because I was afraid, afraid of..." This was so much easier to talk about to other people than to say to him, "if I burdened you will all of what I was feeling that I would push you, not away, but, that it would be the breaking point, that I would shove you down that path just like I did Max. I know now, hindsight is 20/20, and that I am not responsible for his addiction. That is wasn't something that I did or didn't do. I didn't think my heart could break anymore until I...I lost the baby, when Janet showed me that ultrasound I knew what was right in my heart to do. But in a minute it was over, I felt empty, alone, hurt, and it was easier to go completely numb that actually deal with any of it...to share any of it with you. I know that you accepted my apology, but," She had to move, she felt like she was doing nothing but pouring lemon juice on an open cut, "I know it's not easy to forgive. Just know that I am willing to prove myself to you for the rest of my life that I am worthy of you trusting me once again. Why you still love me after everything I've done to you is a mystery to me. But you are so right; love alone isn't going to be enough to get us over this. We have to have something more than that between us. I can say I love you, I can show you that I love you, but without the honestly, the trust, you and I are better friends than lovers. I want to be your best friend, your lover, and the person that you confide your darkest fears in. I love you for the person who you are and the person that you let me be. If fate hadn't brought me back to Chicago, I would have never experienced what it was like to be really loved. I would still be stuck in that place where what I thought love was supposed to hurt, that being with someone meant that no matter what they did, you stayed with them until the end. I thought that I knew what love was, I thought that I had loved, but all this time I've been fooling myself until you came along. I can't help but smile when I see you, my heart skips a beat when you take my hand, what you do to me no one else can do. If I give up on you, I am giving up on me and I can't do that. I will do what I can to make this right baby, but you have to talk to me sometime. You're bottling things up inside of you, whatever it is you can say it to me, even it's painful or it's going to hurt. I have all the time in the world to work this out, please let me in enough to understand what it is that's eating at you." She moved away from him, if this conversation was hurting her this bad she could only imagine how it was making him feel. Maybe she should just give it a rest for now. Not push him to make any kind of decision tonight about where they stood with each other. "If you want to talk I'm here if not I'll be sitting by the phone waiting for you to call when you're ready."

Doug had heard every word she had said but he couldn't look at her. He knew he would loose it if he did. The only way he knew to deal with things that were hard was to keep it inside of him, to be strong and stoic. It would hurt more if he said what he was afraid of, change the way she saw him. He stayed silent trying to decide on what to do. The last thing he wanted was to loose her forever. He knew in his mind that if he stayed with the trust issue, if he put it on her then it would never be about him. He wouldn't have to make it a problem of his to fix...but half of it was. He moved away from the table and sat up. The house seemed like a tiny box closing in. he walked over to the door and leaned against the hinge. He knew it was better to say something than nothing at all. "I...I'm just not sure how to deal with all of this. The past few months have been so up and down, i don't have anyone to talk to...and when the problem is with us i can't talk to you. We are alike, and that's a great thing but it is a problem. Most of that is that i can't say what I'm feeling...tell you whets wrong, because I'm so use to always being the tough one. Sucking it up and putting it away. But these past few months there's just been so much that i can't. It like i just want to go out and..." Doug knew better to finish that and shut up before he did. "The truth is there is so much wrong I don't even know how to vocalize it. its like I know I can tell you parts of my life and that you wouldn't think any less of me but as soon as i start to something shuts down, like i always do." he rolled his neck and smacked his head against the door. "See what i mean? I'm not making any sense...I can't explain this to you."

She looked at the floor rather than at him. "But you are making sense. If you can tell me you can't tell me. I told you awhile ago that I wouldn't push you to talk to me and I meant that. You're right there is a lot that's wrong." She had no idea what to do with him right now. Stay, not stay, her heart was telling her to stay but her head was telling her that they we in way to deep. "Your a guy, guys don't talk, you have to be the strong one. I can't say that I understand it, but I'm used to it. I can't say that it doesn't confuse the hell out of me because it does." She lowered her voice a great deal, and closed her eyes, "do you want me to stay or do you want me to go?" They weren't going to get anything worked out tonight, not if she was the only one who was going to be saying anything.

Doug sighed. "I didn't mean it like that Anna. It's just...I'm not even sure what all is wrong. I can make you a list if you want..." his voice started to elevate a little. "One, I just got dumped, two I'm still in love with you and so afraid I'm going to mess it up that I'm going to mess it up by not doing anything, three, my mom died...my daughters are never going to know their grandmother or any other part of my family and that makes me sad, four, carol wont even let me see the girls so it doesn't really matter anyway, five, i have so much pressure at work and with my social life i haven't been able to sleep the past week, six, i lost...we lost a child..." his voice dropped on that note. Saying it hurt worse than almost anything. "seven, I've gotten into three fights in the past week so my reputation is pretty much shot, eight, in doing all of that my self esteem isn't really all that high right now, nine, I turn forty in a month and a half and that scares me too, and ten, one day I'm really going to get around to finding out the ten other things that are wrong with me and hate myself again for hurting you." Doug cleared his throat to get the emotion out of it. He needed to get out, and yelling was the easiest way for him to do that. He had given her enough problems to distract her from seeing what was truly wrong. "So leave...don't leave I don't know what to tell you anymore. All I can say is I'll be better tomorrow and back to normal if that's what you want. I want us to get back together. I need someone to be with me and I want it to be you." He stopped again for a second and grabbed his jacket from the counter. "Please don't misunderstand this Anna...letting people in isn't easy for me and I don't know if it will ever be." with that he walked outside onto his driveway. He picked up the basketball and made a quick shot. He didn't expect her to follow him anymore; in fact he didn't expect anything. He knew he'd never deserve to have someone like her.


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter 106**

She wanted so bad to follow him. But she wanted to give him a minute he needed to be alone but he didn't need to be all alone. She sat down on his couch. Was she doing the right thing by sticking around, letting him cool off doing what he was good at? She closed her eyes as she gave him a few minutes to himself. She was going to leave him all alone, but she didn't know how long she would stay. Did it mean anything to him that she was still here, that just because things got sticky she didn't turn and run? Steam they needed to blow off steam. She fished her keys out of her pocket and walked outside. She looked at him, "come on Doug, get in the car there's someplace that you and I need to go." She said walking towards her SUV, "don't argue or fight me on this one either. I know what I'm doing." The club that team used to work out in would be empty now and she knew that they could blow off steam there for a little bit. She double checked her keys to make sure that she could get inside. He wanted to beat something up; this would be the place for it. She could let him kick the dummy to his heart's content. If he wasn't going to come with her that was fine too.

Doug exhaled deeply when he heard Anna talk to him. 'What is she doing?' he thought to himself. He thought for sure she'd be gone by now...it meant something that she stayed. "Alright" he said setting the ball down. He walked over and got into her car. He didn't know what was going on but he'd just have to trust her.

Anna started car, she didn't want to make conversation they weren't that far from where she needed to go anyway. It didn't take her long before she navigated her car into a parking slot right near the door. She turned off the car, "Come on." She said as she hopped out and went over and unlocked the door reaching inside to turn the lights on, "we need to work off some frustration. Ever been kickboxing?"

Doug got out of the car and gave her a look. 'Kickboxing?' he thought. He knew Anna knew how to do it, he had seen her fight, and really wasn't up on being shown up again tonight. "No i don't really know how." he said following her inside. The gym was nice, and big, almost like a pro place. After looking around he turned to look at her. "Are you trying to tell me you want to beat me up or something?" he said trying to joke.

"No I have no intentions of beating you up." She said smiling as she laughed, "I could have done that in your front yard if that's what I wanted to do. No come on you're upset and angry and we're going to get that out of you." She walked across the gym and pulled out a bag to kick. "Ready to learn something new there slim?"

Doug made a face. "Oh come on, that's embarrassing. You're going to teach me how to fight?" Doug let a grin slide onto his face. "Let's get some sparring gear or something. You can bring it on."

Anna laughed, "Okay big boy, but you have been warned." She crossed the room and pulled a bag out of the closet and started tossing stuff at him. "And don't ya dare treat me like you're fighting a girl."

Doug laughed as he put the gear on his hands and jumped into the ring. He was ready to forget about his problems for awhile, he hoped this would do it. After throwing off his shoes he took off his tee-shirt and undocked his undershirt from his jeans. Doug jumped around the ring playing as he waited for Anna to get ready. "Come on sweetheart. I'm feeling a KO right here." he said holding up his fist. "I won't treat ya like a girl." although he knew he wouldn't really hit her. He just wanted to show her up.

Anna laughed as she climbed up into the ring. "Okay there bouncy boy." She'd take it easy on him, after all she didn't want to beat ego anymore. She stood there, "show me what you got."

Doug rolled his eyes and brought his hands up to his face. He made a face at her before giving a half hearted attempt at a jab. He stopped a few inches from her face and smiled again, dropping his guard. "Oh come on...i can't hit you first if you're just standing there."

"Oh ya can't can you." She said smiling. "First things first you got to catch you opponent off guard like this." She smiled sweeping her leg under catching his ankles as she spun inches off the ground pulling his feet out from under him. She smiled down at him, "your turn." Good thing the mat was fairly soft or she might have felt bad.

"wha..." Doug landed with a thud smack on his back. the air left his body as he closed his eyes shut. he couldn't believe she had just done that. after a second he got to his knees and then to his feet. "ok" he said rolling his neck and regaining he balance. "no mercy now." Doug walked around her in a circle and gave out a small jab, just tapping her chin. he really didn't want her hit her too hard. he was afraid he might hurt her. he quickly brought his hands back up to cover his face. "come on now... no cheap shots" he said as he went for another jab.

She bounced a couple of times finding her footing, she hated being right handed; she needed to use her left so that she didn't clock him with her cast. She kept her eyes on him. "No cheap shots I promise." She said. Her eyes on her target now as she went with one hand towards his stomach hoping it would fake him out as she followed higher with her left hand. She didn't have the same control over her left as she did with her right.

Doug saw the set up as soon as he leaned forward but wasn't quick enough to get out of the way. Anna's fist connected with his jaw and he had to take a step back. he shook it off and came back again. he lifted his leg up quickly and gave her a small kick in the side. he got his balance back and got back on the defensive. all this moving around was harder than he thought. his back was starting to ache a little but he wasn't going to tell her. if she could fight with a cast on he could do it with a little pain. he tried to block out the idea he was fighting a girl as he went forward again for another kick.

Anna watched him, okay time to show off a little bit, she bounced off the mat flipping herself back away from him before changing directions and coming back at him as she jabbed forward to give him the feeling that she was going to hit him but instead brought her leg up for a spinning kick to connect.

Doug collapsed on the mat. 'so much for no low blows.' he pulled his knees to his chest as he held his breath. 'boy did that hurt' he pinched his eyes shut and tried to block out the pain and the tears that his nerves threw into his eyes. after a few seconds he had to breathe but all that came out was a bunch of coughing. he couldn't move she had actually kicked him hard and just in the one place that could really hurt a guy.

Oh no, she did not just connect there. The color drained from her face as she heard him start to cough. She threw off her gloves and was at his side in a heartbeat. "Oh god I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you there, oh man," She was about ready to cry from hurting him like that. She dropped to her knees next to him, "oh please tell me that you are okay."

Doug coughed a little more until some of the pain left his body. he rolled over onto his back and slowly opened his eyes. "that was kind of a low blow" he said almost in a whisper, the pain still in his voice. "Ohh" he grunted as he straightened out his legs. "no more kickboxing with you." he joked half serious. he tried his best to put a grin on his face. he knew she didn't mean to and probably felt pretty bad.

"I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry." She gasped. "I didn't mean to really that's not where I was aiming at." She sat on the mat next to him, "oh man." She couldn't think of anything to say other than she was sorry a half dozen times.

Doug lay on the mat for a few more seconds until he started to feel better. "ah" he said as he sat up and rubbed his face. "that wasn't very nice" even though it was an accident he wasn't going to let her get away with it for free. he sat on his knees and looked at her for a second. "you feel pretty bad about that huh?" he asked, his voice finally back to normal.

"Yeah I do." She said looking over at him, "really I didn't mean to. I wouldn't do that to you on purpose. Some other guy maybe but not you baby."

"well that's comforting" he joked with an evil smile on his face. in a second he had her around the waist and flipped her over, trying to muscle her into a pin. "I'll get you at wrestling though." he said with a laugh, fighting with her hands, trying to pin her shoulders to the ground.

She tried to get out from under him, but he was bigger and stronger than he was there was no way out of this. Years of being stuck at the bottom of a brother dog pile taught her that there was only one way out of this and that was to fight with tickles. As she wiggled one hand free she went straight for the most accessible spot right about his belt on his right side with her left hand she grabbed at him making contact with the flesh that was bare from his shirt being untucked and riding up from her struggling.

"Ah" Doug laughed, his arms collapsing, making him fall on Anna. he about died laughing. he couldn't even move he just curled up into a ball. one of his two spots and she found it. he was totally vulnerable now and she must have known it as he tried to roll away. "no...that's...not..." he couldn't help it, he just kept laughing.

She smiled a great big huge grin. "Ah ha." She said triumphantly. "I got you now." She said as she looked at this big ball of laughing Doug. She didn't tickle him anymore because he was still laughing so hard. But she did scoot over closer to him. Why couldn't they be like this more of the time? Happy, laughing, having a good time.

It took Doug a moment to catch his breath once she stopped tickling him. he rolled back over onto his back and flicked her arm. "boy you have a way of getting me." he said, his face still red from laughing. For the first time in awhile, when he looked at Anna he didn't see another problem he had to deal with or another upcoming heartache, he just saw someone he wanted. He grabbed her by her hips and slid her closer to him and he smiled as he reached up to touch her face.

She felt his hands on her sliding her closer and then his hand on her face. She could feel her heart beating just a little bit faster than it was a minute ago. She smiled as she looked at him leaning in closer to him. She loved the way that a simple touch from him made her feel. But she wasn't going to make that move and make the same mistake that she made when they were sitting on the car.

Doug could feel a little resistance and couldn't place why. there's no why her feelings changed that quick. he pulled on her neck gently as he gave her a half grin. "I'm not gunna bite you Anna."

"Promise," she said as she threw caution to the wind and leaned the rest of way so that she could bring her lips onto his.

Doug could feel his heart speed up as she kissed him. It had been awhile since he had last had that feeling of love. He put his hands on either side of her face as he kissed her back. He was glad she had brought him here. This was just what he needed to relax a little bit and give into her, that's where his true feelings were. They had plenty of time for more serious conversations later, right now he was just going to enjoy the moment of being there with someone who loved him.

She melted under his kiss, letting go of everything just feeling the love that was between them right now. She had missed this so badly. She let her hands roam for a minute; it was so easy to forget everything else, to be lost there with him. She pulled back for a minute looking into his eyes, "I love you." She said before assaulting him again with another kiss.

His heart almost exploded. He really felt it when she said that this time. "I love you too." he said after a second kiss. He looked up at her and gently pulled the hair out of her face. as he saw where this moment could go his mind shot out of control. he knew it wasn't the most romantic question but he had to ask it. he had learned from past regrets and future fears. "Anna...uhm I need to ask this because I didn't last time." he was almost nervous. 'grow up Doug, you're an adult' went through his head. "where do we uhm, stand on the contraceptive issue. I wasn't exactly...picturing this for tonight so..."

She smiled, "I'm on Depo." She didn't blame him for asking. She would have said something sooner but oh man this felt so right and so good. She managed to get the t-shirt up over his head while answering him. She wanted to feel his skin under her. She had never wanted anyone like she wanted him.

Doug grinned as she pulled his shirt off. boxing ring wasn't his idea of romantic exactly but what the hell. "you know I had to ask...but I'm not saying one day..." he said with a smile as he pulled her back down. "I've got to tell you... I've just recently been injured so don't...hold anything against me." he joked in between kisses

"I wouldn't ever." She said as she enjoyed the onslaught on melted into his arms


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter 107**

She laid there next to him happy and content in his arms before reaching for her shirt. She smiled and she knew she was probably glowing. "I love you," she said as she threw her shirt back on. She couldn't believe what they had just done and where they had done it, "you know you are amazing."

Doug laughed as he watched her put her shirt back on. "Thanks for the ego booster. After getting my ass kicked twice tonight that helps a little." he joked reaching for his own clothes. "But it's not like I could do that by myself." He whispered into her ear before kissing her neck. Doug stood up as he pulled on his jeans. The gym sure was cold enough. He looked around. "You know I hope they don't have security cameras...they just might ban us from here."

"Uh cameras, not that I know of." She said smiling, as she shimmied back into her clothes, "this is where Nate and his team work out. But I guess that I should probably get you back home, we both have to work tomorrow." She didn't want to go back to her apartment, but she wasn't sure if she should ask to stay at his place just yet. She didn't want to ruin what good thing that had, but the thought of being snuggled up in his arms all night put an even bigger smile on her face.

Doug winced when she reminded him of work. "Yeah I guess you're right." he said jumping down from the ring. This would have to be one of their secrets. He could hear Susan laughing if she ever found out. He held her in his arms as he walked out of the gym. "I know this is probably a crazy thought..." he said in a sarcastic voice. "But how about you stay over tonight. I don't think I want to let you go just yet." he said with a smile. It felt good to smile again with her.

"I was hoping you'd ask, I was just thinking the same thing." She said as she hit the button on her remote to unlock the car door. "Why don't you drive?" She said trying to stifle a small yawn as she held the keys out for him, "all this physical activity has made me tired."

Doug sighed as he took the keys. "Yes ma'm" he got in the car and made the short drive to his house. 'She had been thinking that too' he thought to himself. That thought alone made him grin, much less thinking about the past hour. He pulled her car into the driveway and went around the other side to open the door for her. As soon as she got out her took her hand again. He walked into his house and his eyes caught the clock. He was going to be tired at work again, it was already fairly late. Doug let go of her hand and went into his bedroom to get ready. He set out an extra shirt for Anna to wear and pulled out a pair of flannel pants for himself. After changing Doug went into the bathroom and grabbed his meds. He shook out two and popped them into his mouth. After giving a quick look into the mirror Doug walk back and sat in bed. He was pretty tired but he didn't mind giving up a few minutes of sleep to be there with Anna.

Anna walked into his bedroom and while he was in the bathroom slipped into the shirt he had set out for her. As she got ready for bed she got lost in her own thoughts. She was going to try to do something very special for him tomorrow. Hopefully Carol would agree to it. She couldn't stay mad at him forever, and he needed to be able to spend time with those girls, after all they were his children too. He was so good with those girls. She just hoped that he didn't see it as her meddling, and well it kind of was meddling. She knew how much he missed seeing his girls. A little piece of her wanted to have the girls there with them too. As sad as she was that they weren't going to have a baby, she thought that having the twins there would make her feel better and him too. Granted she wasn't their mother, and she never would be, but she could still spoil them rotten. Even if their daddy didn't want her too, they would give her someone to shower a little extra love on. They could swing by the toy store if Carol would let her get them from school, then the four of them could have dinner together, after that she'd let Doug and the girls have some time to themselves.

She watched him walk back out as she pulled her thoughts back to the here and now. She moved over to where he was sitting on the bed wrapping her arms around him as she snuggled against him. She just wanted to enjoy being right there, in the arms of the man she loved, of the man who loved her. She rested her head against his chest so that she could hear the beating of his heart. She smiled and softly sighed, "We need to do that more often." She let out a little giggle, "having my way with you in a boxing ring, well just the thought of it is rather... exciting." She could feel her cheeks flushing.

Doug smiled as he lay down on the bed. "More of that more often...I'd settle for just more of this." he said wrapping his arms around her. "I'm glad you'll be there at work with me tomorrow. I'd go nuts just spending time with Weaver." He said with a laugh. He kissed the top of her head and pulled up the covers. "Unfortunately you only work half shifts and I have a double tomorrow. I need to soak up all my Anna love tonight I guess"

When he said double she knew she'd probably have to give up her next two days off to whoever she could get to cover for him. "Oh this is nice." she shifted a little so that she was more comfortable against him. "Double huh. Guess a few hours of working with you is better than none, am I still triage bound?"

Doug sighed as he thought about it. "Yeah...let's just keep you there for a few days. I'll pull you in to the real world a few times I just don't want you to do too much too fast. Besides Weaver will think I'm getting soft." as he said that he thought about being her boss for a second. "Actually...do you think this is going to be a problem? Me being your boss? It's not like I want to keep our relationship a secret but I don't want to be the star of the gossip mill. I know how nurses talk." he spoke casually as he played with her hair. He knew they should go to sleep but didn't want to actually do it.

"I'll take it slow. You being my boss and all shouldn't be a problem." She said, "Yeah the nurses do talk but if you don't want any one to know about us just yet, I can keep my hands to myself, at least while we are at work. But just know that if I do that, the minute no one is around they will be all over you."

"Hahaha" Doug scooted down on the bed to get more comfortable. "That's why we have closets babe." he said with a laugh while he reached for the lights. "I don't know, let me think on that one." he said as he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He hoped Anna would help with his sleeping troubles. He really needed a good night's rest. He let out a deep sigh and kissed Anna's fore head. '"Night sweetheart"

"Yeah closets." She replied as she yawned. "Night baby." She said as she closed her eyes. Tomorrow would come to fast and she knew that when that alarm went off she'd have to move her butt to be able to get home, showered and back to her house to get to work on time.


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter 108**

As hard as Doug tried he couldn't fall asleep. He watched the clock move through the hours. Once it hit four thirty he decided just to get up and get to work early. Anna was sound asleep and he tried his hardest not to wake her. He got dressed quickly and made sure his alarm was still set for 5:30. He gave her another look before going to his living room. She looked so peaceful and beautiful. Doug quickly left the house and headed for the hospital. It was fairly quiet when he walked in; the night shift was still on. All the patients were taken care of so Doug went into a suture room to finish up some paperwork and think. He pulled out his meds from his coat pocket and popped a few back. They seemed like the only thing that could stop the throbbing in his head and back. He laid out his papers on a bed and started to work. He hoped Anna wouldn't mind him leaving, he was sure she'd understand.

"Oh no." She moaned as she heard the blaring of an alarm clock. She stretched out to find his side of the bed cold. She hit the alarm trying to want to go back to sleep. She got up dressed into her clothes and out the door. She made it back to her apartment. She turned on the shower and started to brush her teeth. After her shower she dressed and headed back out once again. It was almost quarter to seven now. She drove and pulled into the parking lot, she hit the newspaper stand for a cup of coffee before heading into county. She looked around before stowing her stuff and heading out to admit. It was going to be a long 6 hours stuck in triage. She right now it was quiet, she meander down the hallway before poking her head into the suture room. She saw him sitting there amidst his paperwork. "Morning." She said, "I see you're busy."

Doug looked up, breaking his daze, as he heard her voice. "Not really" he said tossing his pen aside. "Just trying to get through some of this." he glanced at his watch to find that it had just turned seven. "You're right on time." he said with a tired smile standing up. "I better get to my real job." he said walking past her into the hallway. "Make sure you give me a shout if you need anything today ok? Even if it's just to talk." he really didn't want her to get too bogged down on her first day back. As well as she looked he knew how easy it was to fall back down.

"Yeah." She said, "I think I can handle it boss." She was smiling happy to be back at work. There weren't many people there right now so it wouldn't be crazy as she started in. Nothing like spending the day trying to sort out who needed to be seen first, and who could wait... not that there was a wait right now. Ten plus years of med school and she was stuck in triage. "Ohh this is what I went to med school for." She said as she listened to a patient start to go over his complaints. She waited until there was a decent lull in the ER before looking for Carol's number and slipping into the lounge to call her. She kept it short and didn't get into any details over the phone with her, but some how by the grace of god she convinced her to let her and Doug has the girls tonight. Anna smiled as she then called Chen and traded her two days off work half of her shifts. Oh well, it was just two half days anyway. She'd survive. It was worth it. She hoped that no one had noticed she had slipped away as she walked back out to dig back into triage.

Doug had a few regular patients come in and some minor traumas. An asthma attack and a baseball injury but nothing too major. He was just happy to be back in the swing of things. For the first time in awhile his love life was straightened out and he didn't have to worry about his job. He was the boss for once and it felt good. Doug's next patient was enough to cause him more than a little headache though. He got in charge of a fifteen year old pregnant girl...and she was a girl. There was nothing adult about her. She sat there and cried as Doug told her she was pregnant. "I just don't know what to do..." she managed to say in-between sobs. She, of course didn't want her parents to know, they were deeply religious and he knew they would pressure into something but Doug knew she also didn't feel comfortable talking with a man about her decisions. After Doug tried to calm her down a little he went to find Anna. "Hey can you help me out please?" he asked trying to pull her away from a Pablo look a like.

"Uh yeah, what do you need?" She asked happy to away from smelly man. "I'm up for a change. But I am so glad that I am not a nurse right now." She had to laugh at that.

Doug grinned as he led her down the hall. "I have a fifteen year old who is pregnant. She is pretty freaked out and against talking to her parents...i don't think she wants to talk to a man either. I was wondering if you could discuss her options with her and go over how important support is...I'm not sure we should encourage her to tell her parents but...well you're a woman, I just thought you could help her out." he said stopping in front of the exam room.

She took a deep breath in, "yeah I think I can do that." Anna said putting her hand on the door. "Glad I can be of service, and out of triage. I'll be out in a little bit." She said as she walked in and sat down next to her.

Doug gave her a nod and headed for the charts. He thought that he and Anna stood the same place on the best choice for teen pregnancies, although they had never discussed it. Doug didn't want her parents knowing, because he knew they would involve a priest. It would be better for all if she just chose to not have the baby and he thought she might drive that home. Doug found another baseball player with a sprained ankle and went to go give it a look. He knew Anna would come back to him when she had help the girl with her choice

She talked and went over all of her option more than once. She tried to emphasis how important some form of support would be. But it seemed that nothing she was saying was getting no where with her. She thought that they had come up with the best decision with her and set her up with OB upstairs. She walked out standing next to Doug keeping her voice low, "she's ready to go home. She wants a few days to think about it. I think she's going to talk with her parents about it before making a decision."

Doug looked up as Anna talked to him. He took her to the side and lowered his voice. "I told you I didn't want her to tell them. You were supposed to talk to her about her options, not tell her to go over it with her parents. She's going to tell them and they're going to pressure her to keep it. That families catholic Anna, or didn't you bother to ask?"

"You asked me to go over her options with her and I did. And yes I am well aware that her family is catholic. She is only 15 and is in no shape to make that a decision that is going to affect her for the rest of her life right now." She kept her voice low. "And before you go off on me with her talking to her parents' maybe you should have asked me, she has an appointment upstairs in a week. I asked her if she wanted me to make it and I did. Against my better judgment knowing that she's not going to talk to anyone else before she makes up her mind. But I was not going to send her up there today!" Anna turned and walked off; she was not going to continue this discussion with him right now. Dealing with that girl had sucked most of the life out of her and she didn't want to snap, not at him.

Doug kicked himself for not taking care of it with his own judgments. He should have had Abby talk to her instead. He turned on his heels as Anna walked off and he headed back to his own patient. He was almost glad that he had a double tonight. It would save him from another conversation; actually he was glad she had saved them both last night. It was funny how they both always seemed like they wanted to talk about problems but then never really did. After casting the little boys foot Doug checked the clock. His stomach was growling and he thought he could take five for some lunch. He didn't see Anna around, maybe she was already off or stuck washing Pablo. He walked up to the cafeteria and went to stand in line.


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter 109**

Anna grabbed her stuff and headed out to her car. She sat there for a minute before starting the car. She looked at her watch she stopped and got another cup of coffee and something to eat before heading over to pick up the girls. She then took both of them shopping letting the pick out a new outfit and they then went and got some toys. She had a good time playing with the girls in the toy store. They could make anyone smile, but she completely under estimated how much of a handful they were going to be. By the time that they got back to Doug's house she was almost exhausted. They were running her ragged and full of a hundred and one questions. She smiled as she got them and their treasures out of the car and headed into the backyard to wait for Chen to let Doug off work early.

Doug had finished his snack. He didn't want to eat too much since it was the middle of the afternoon, but he didn't know when he was going to be able to grab something again. He headed back down to the ER to grab a chart when he saw Chen. "Hey there Deb. I didn't expect you to be here so early. I thought you weren't on until the night shift."

She smiled at him as she looked at the chart, "well I got a phone call, I'm not supposed to say anything else that I am here so that you can go home. Anna has sworn me to secrecy, and hey I'd do anything to have some free time this weekend."

Doug looked at her with a surprised expression. "What...i mean come on. You can't be serious. You're actually going to cover my double shift tonight? On a full moon? You have to be crazy."

"I might be a little crazy, but hey. Like I said, I promised I wouldn't say anything about it to you." She was grinning, "But Anna's offer was good. Go on get out of here, have fun Doug."

Doug shook his head. He wasn't going to fight with free time, especially when he was so tired. "Sure...thanks though Deb." he said walking into the lounge and grabbing up his things. Doug jumped into his car and decided to go home first before calling Anna to see what was going on. He needed a shower and a drink...but he was looking forward to seeing what she was up to. He pulled into his driveway and was surprised to see her car. Doug got out and heard voices coming from his back yard. He quietly walked to the back. A smile spread onto his face as he saw his daughters there with Anna. They were all playing in the yard with each other, having a good time. 'How did she pull that off?' he thought. 'Carol would never allow it' as he took a few more steps in his girls saw him and ran over. "Daddy!" they yelled as he bent down to pick Kate up. He held Tess's arm and walked back over to Anna with a grin still on his face. "Look at my girls!" he said giving the two of them a kiss. "How'd you guys get here?" he asked looking straight at Anna

Anna smiled, "I picked them up from school. I thought that you three needed some time together. Carol said that you could drop them off at school in the morning. They are yours for the rest of the night."

Doug put down Kate and sat down next to Anna on the swing. "Thank you." he finally said as he watched them play. He hadn't seen them in almost a month and had missed them so much. He wondered how Anna thought of this. "This is a nice surprise." he said softly as he reached to hold her hand.

"Daddy, daddy watch me!" Tess yelled as she did a cartwheel.

Doug just shook his head. "I can't believe you had the energy for this." he said standing back up and walking over to her. "That's my girl!" he yelled picking her up and twirling her around. He set her back down and handed her his baseball glove. "Let's go throw like the cubbies on TV ok?" he said slipping it on her hand. He smiled at Anna as he walked a little past his daughters and tossed them a softball. Although they both missed it Doug laughed anyway. Kate threw it back at him and Doug let the ball hit him in the chest. In an over dramatic moment he leapt backwards and moaned. "I'm hit!" he yelled. "Someone get the medic!" his girls quickly got up and grabbed Anna's hands. "Anna Anna come help!" they yelled as they pulled her towards Doug who was clutching his chest like he was in a war movie.

Anna smiled and squealed as the girls pulled on her "oh no, we'd better help your daddy." She let them pull her over to him, she looked at the girls putting on a serious face, as she put her arms around them softly whispering to the girls, " do you know the only way to cure a softball owie," as they looked at her a big smile crossed Anna's face, "well it is to tickle him." She said looking at the smiles on the girls faces. She raised her voice again, "get him, get him." She said as she sat down on him so that the girls could begin an all out assault on him. Three on one wasn't very fair, but then he was a big boy she knew he could handle it. Anna was laughing as she watched them try to tickle their daddy. She hadn't seen Doug smile like this in a long time and it made her so happy that he was able to be there with them. She slid off him so that she was on the ground next to him, more of a spectator again than actually involved in their attempts. Seeing him smile like that made giving up her days off more than worth it.

"Noooo" Doug yelled as they jumped on him. After letting them get him for a second he picked them both up to fight them off. He grabbed both girls and flipped them over to tickle them. They squealed and he let them go to run around the yard. As they did Doug scooted over next to Anna. "Ahhh ha-ha" he tried to catch his breath. "i can't believe you...doing something special like this." making sure the girls weren't looking at him he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I owe ya one. This made my day."

"No ya don't." She said smiling, "they're great girls, and I've had a really great time with them this afternoon. But don't worry I didn't let them have a ton of sugar, or spoil them to rotten while we were out." She kept her eyes on the girls playing. "I'm just glad that I could make you happy. I told them that if it was okay with you after dinner they could watch their new movie. I kind of caved when they both looked at me wanting The Lion King one and a half. Kind of hard to say no to a double assault when they are that cute." She pulled her knees up hugging them to her chest. "I should probably think about going here pretty soon too. Let you spend some quality time with your girls."

Kate heard that and ran over and threw her arms around Anna. "Nooo Anna you can't go. You have to watch the movie with us! Please daddy!"

Doug pulled her off of Anna and set her in his lap. "Well i don't know...but maybe we can talk her into having dinner with us. I'm getting kind of hungry what about you..." he asked Kate giving her a kiss.

Tess quickly ran over too. "I'm hungry daddy! Can we go out?"

Doug sighed as he looked at his watch. It would be six soon and close enough to dinner time. He looked over at Anna. "Well, what do you think?"

Anna smiled, "how I can I say no." Kate and Tess had her wrapped around their little fingers. She was pretty sure that they knew it too. "Since its okay with your daddy then it's okay with me." She smiled at Doug, "I'd like to have dinner with you and the girls."

Doug rolled his eyes at the three of them. "Why don't you two go get cleaned up and we'll go out in about thirty minutes ok?" he told them as they ran off. Doug stood up and wiped the dirt off of his pants. "I think i am going to be taken over by my three girl's tonight." he joked reaching out his hand to help her up. "You really don't have to stay if you have things to do. I know how other people's kids can make people crazy."

"Oh no, I want to." She said, "I've really a great time with them today. Besides it's not like I had anything planned for tonight, I just didn't want to impose on you and your time with them. I'm glad that I was able to make you so happy tonight."

"Well it was a good idea you had." he said taking her hand and walking around to the front of the house. "You wouldn't be imposing anyway. Its family time...and you're part of my family." Doug unbuttoned his work shirt and little and rolled up his sleeves. He picked up the nerf ball the girls had been throwing and tossed it to Anna. "So are you a softball champ or do you throw like a girl?"

"I probably throw like a girl." She said looking at the ground. Hearing that he thought of her as part of the family made her heart skip a beat. "I can't catch."

Doug just grinned. "Oh come on! You're already on my team for the hospital softball game so we need to get ya some practice. Throw it this way." he said waving his hands. Doug was trying to think of a fun place to go and eat. There were always joints on the river, and he knew Kate and Tess would want to go to the ice cream shop that was down there too. "So what are you in the mood for dinner tonight?"

She smiled as she chucked the softball horribly. "I don't know what to the girls like to eat?" She grimaced as the ball went no where close to where she was trying to get it, "you might want to rethink putting me on your team...I think it be better if I played for the enemy."

Doug tried not to laugh as the ball fell a few feet short of him. "Nah the paramedics always win anyway." he joked as he bent down to pick up the ball. "They like just about anything. I was thinking about going down by the lake. There are a bunch of places down there and it can be pretty fun. I'm sure there is some kind of carnival in town. If my girls would ever hurry up!" he yelled in the direction of the house. He backed up a step as he threw the ball to Anna again. "Like throwing a paper airplane...just toss it. You know i could give you and Kate lessons together. She is starting tee-ball soon. In case you haven't noticed Kate is my little jock and Tess is the cheer leader type. I can see them in high school already." he said with a huge smile. He liked that Anna had interest in his life like this. She was definitely a great catch.

Anna tried to catch the ball but ended up having to pick it up off the ground. "Yeah I can see that. The lake sounds like fun." She threw it a little bit better this time back to him. "They are both going to be heartbreakers ya know."

"Yeah..." Doug started to say as they both came out of the house.

"Ready daddy." Kate said taking his hand.

Doug bent down and picked her up. "There's my girl! Come on lets get you guys in the car." he said reaching for Tess's hand as well. He walked over to the car and set Kate down. "Ok guys get all settled in." he said closing the door for them. He walked over and opened the passenger side door for Anna. "My lady." he joked with a wink. Doug got in the car and started to make his way downtown. He could see from the crowd that there was indeed a carnival in for the first day of spring during the weekend. "What do you girls think about a hot dog, some cotton candy, and a few games?" although he knew the answer for Kate and Tess the question was really directed at Anna. he still owed her a nice romantic date and hoped he would get around to it eventually, but hopefully a Ferris wheel ride would do for tonight.

"That sounds great." Anna said smiling at him. She could hear the glee coming from the backseat. It sounded like a lot of fun and the girls would have a good time too. It had been a long time since she had been at a carnival." I think the peanuts like that idea too. How did you know that hot dogs and cotton candy were my favorite?"

"Because I am just that good." Doug said taking a turn and pulling into the lot. He helped Kate and Tess out of the car and locked it up. Kate, being a daddy's girl, went for his hand and Tess went for Anna's. "How about we get something to eat first." Doug said leading the way. After not eating all day he was pretty hungry. He took the three of them to a food stand and ordered five hot dogs, two for him, two cokes and three cotton candies. Doug handed half of the food to Anna. "We need to find a spot to sit." he said looking around. Doug pointed to a bench in the park where other families were having pick nicks. "Let's go cop a squat" he said letting the girls run ahead of him.

Anna smiled, "yeah sounds good." She said as she followed after Tess and Kate. She sat down next to Tess, and smiled at Doug, "this is nice, huh sweetie." She said looking at Tess and then at Doug.

Doug handed each of them a hot dog.

"Dad, why do you get two?" Tess asked him, making a seat for herself next to Anna.

It was clear to him who her new best friend was. "Because I'm bigger." he said poking her in the stomach. He handed her a coke. "You two share this one and Anna and I will share the other ok miss picky?" he asked making a face at her.

"Ewww" she said looking at Anna. "You'd share something with him? He's got germs." she said making a face back.

Anna laughed and wrinkled up her nose as she poked Tess. "Oh he does, does he?" She smiled, "I think I can be brave and not fear his icky boy germs."

Doug grinned at Anna.

Kate, quick to defend her dad, poked Tess in the arm. "Daddy doesn't have germs!" Tess poked her back as they started to fight.

"Girls..." Doug said, putting a little tone into his voice. All he had to do was give them a look and they stopped. He and Carol had never tolerated any kind of fighting. They never wanted to have kids that disrespected each other and were annoying like the ones they often treated in the ER. Both girls apologized to each other as they sat there and ate.

Kate looked around at all the rides. "Daddy, can we go on a ride later?"

Doug just nodded. "My three girls can pick out one each, but you have to finish eating first." he turned to Anna. "So be thinking about what you want."

Anna smiled when he said that, "oh I think I know which one that I would love to go on." She said as she pulled at the cotton candy that was in front of her as her eyes wandered over the rides and back to the little girl sitting next to her. They needed to spend more time like this.

Doug pulled off a hunk of cotton candy and looked around at all the happy families in the park. He looked at his own and at Anna. They could almost pass as a regular one like the others. He watched Kate and Tess stuff their mouths with candy and grinned knowing soon they would both crash and burn. Once they were all done the girls grabbed at Doug and Anna's hands again.

"I want to shoot the basketballs like you dad." Kate said pulling him over to a booth.

"I wanna ride the teacups with Anna." Tess said holding onto annals hand tightly.

Doug looked at the two of them. "Well if Anna wants to take you then its fine. We'll be right here." he said giving Anna a wink.

"Come on Tess, I would love too, let's go ride those teacups." She said gently giving Tess's hand a squeeze, and smiling "well be right back okay dad." She said as she was pulled over to take a spin on the teacups. They waited for their turn and she smiled as her and Tess climbed onto the ride. Anna giggled as the two of them tried to spin the teacup around. She was having a hard time spinning it and holding onto her spot on the seat with her wrist still in the cast and she was sure that she was a funny sight, but she could care less right now. She and Tess were having a good time. The ride ended and she took her hand once again as they headed to where Doug and Kate were at. Anna was so glad that Doug let her come along. She would have hated to miss this much fun, it was fun being out with him and the girls. She now stood behind Tess who was next to Doug. "That was fun, wasn't it sweetie." She said as she flashed Doug a big grin, still holding Tess's hand. She knew that Tess liked her but she wasn't sure about Kate.


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter 110**

Kate was on her fifth try to get the basketball in...And Doug was on his last few dollars. He saw Anna come up behind him and decided to finish this off. "Here sweetie let me try." Kate handed him the basketball and Doug shot it, making it in and winning her a small bear. "Yeah daddy!" both girls yelled. Doug turned around and rolled his eyes. "Its all skill" he said sarcastically to Anna. "Well..." he said to her."It's your turn to pick a ride Anna. Then its time to go home."

Anna smiled, "I want to go on the Ferris wheel, please." She said as she batted her eyes at him.

Doug gave her a wink. He was glad she chose that. It was something they could be alone on for at least a few minutes. "Ok...ready girls?" he asked as he walked them all over. After buying some tickets he got Kate and Tess situated in a seat. Its was a good thing that they wanted to be 'big girls' and be by themselves because Doug was dying for some adult time. Once the wheel moved a little it was Doug and Anna's turn to get in. Doug climbed in the seat and waited for Anna to follow. She had to know how happy he was about all of this. She had really made his day.

Anna slid in next to him. This was nice, even it would be for just a few minutes, she could sneak a quiet alone minute with him. She felt them start to move, as she let out a soft sigh to enjoy the ride.

Doug relaxed into the seat and put his arm behind Anna. He tilted his head and rested it on her shoulder. "Nice to be alone." he said with a sigh. "How can i show you how much tonight mean to me?"

"Just letting me be with you has." She said as she kissed the top of his head, "it's all in the little things baby."

Doug smiled as they got to the top. All he could see were the stars and the city. Since he knew the girls were below them and no one else could see the two of them he brought his head up and pulled Anna into a kiss. It had been something he had wanted to do all day, ever since he had left in the morning. He took her hand in his free one and looked into her eyes. "You know I'm glad i changed my mind...i don't want to be friends with you, i want to be much more...and i think love is enough for us. It's enough for me to be happy; i hope its enough for you."

"It is Doug, it is." She said smiling at him, "I love you with everything that I am." She leaned into him to kiss him again before that ride started to move.

It didn't take long until they were back down with Kate and Tess waiting for them. Doug sighed as the ride came to a stop. He was almost exhausted. "Ok...let's head for the car guys. Its getting late." both of the girls looked tired and Kate pulled on Doug to carry her. He slung her over his shoulder as a small pop came from his back. H winced for a second before starting to walk again. After the walk to the car both girls were tired and quiet as Doug put them in the car. He got in and started up his jeep. "So where are you staying tonight?" Doug whispered low enough for the girls not to hear.

She smiled and let out a soft giggle, "what time do the girls get up? I can sneak out before they know I was there all night if you want me to stay." She couldn't believe that she had just said that, but part of her wanted to stay with him, but she wasn't sure if she wanted the barrage of questions from the two that were almost out behind them. And she wasn't sure what Doug wanted, she figured though that he wouldn't ask if he didn't want her to stay.

"We could always do that." he said with a smile. "They don't usually get up that early. I get up for work before they do for school so we should be ok..." Doug pulled into his driveway and tried his best to be quiet as he pulled the two of them out of the car. They weren't quiet asleep but pretty close to it. "You two go get ready for bed and i will be in there in five minutes to tuck you in."

Kate nodded and headed in. Tess was on her heels when she turned around. "Are you going to read to us tonight daddy?"

Doug sighed and nodded. "Yeah just get ready ok?" Tess gave a weak smile and waved at Anna. "Goodnight Anna..." she said with a yawn before going into their room.

Doug turned to Anna and looked at the clock. It was only eight thirty and he was already pretty tired. "Ah well i better get ready for bed too. Once i read to them we can hang out a little bit." he said walking over closer to her and putting his hands on her waist.

She smiled, "you look tired baby, why don't you read to them and let me work out those knots in your back." She had noticed the grimaces when he was carrying the girls, but knew that even if it hurt he wasn't going to say anything. "Have fun reading to them."

Doug nodded and kissed her forehead. "Ill be right back." he said walking into their room. Doug jumped on Tess's bed and they climbed all over him. He pulled a book off their nightstand and started to read. "I will not eat them with a mouse; i will not eat them in a house. I don't not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am." Doug didn't even get through the whole book before they were both pretty much out. Doug moved Kate into her own bed and tucked her in. he went to do the same for Tess when she asked him a question.

"Daddy...do you love Anna?"

Doug was surprised and a little thrown off. "Yes i do." he said softly, taking a seat on her bed.

"Like you loved mommy?" she asked again.

Doug didn't want to get into a long conversation quite yet about all this so he decided to end it rather quickly. "I still love mommy darlin. I will always love her because she gave me you." he kissed the top of her head. "Now go to sleep." Doug stood up and closed their door. After getting changed into an undershirt and his pj pants he walked back into the living room, unsure of what Anna had overheard he decided not to say anything about it. "All done"

"Green eggs is one of my favorites," she said smiling as she walked over to where he was standing, and wrapped her arms around him. She ran her hands up and down his back, pressing against the knots that she could feel under her hand, "your back pretty sore baby?"

Doug took a deep breath as she pressed right on a sore spot. "Yeah it hurts." he said tightening up.

She took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom so that she could get him to lie down. She straddled his back and started to work gently on the knots. "Are you seeing anyone for it?" She asked softly as she rubbed firmly but keeping the pressure so that she didn't put him into any pain.

Doug winced as she touched his back. "No...It'll be ok." he said trying not to let her see how much that hurt. As she hit a spot right by his spine Doug's whole body jumped. "Ahh" he yelled into the pillow he was laying his head on.

"Sorry baby, but you are all in knots." She said feeling bad that he was hurting so bad. "Does it hurt all the time?" Distraction with her hands might get him to open up a little bit to her, if not maybe having the girls today might have loosened him up that he might talk a little bit. She wasn't expecting a lot out of him, but she figured she'd give it a shot anyway.

Doug let a breath out and tried to relax. "No...Well, it bothers me most of the time yeah. It's really not too bad. I just like being taken care of." he joked with a grin as he closed his eyes.

She ran her hand up and down again before leaning down and kissing his neck as she continued to rub, "mmm, glad to be of service." She said softly in his ear. Before moving back to the knots.

"You're too good to me. You'll have me under your finger soon." he said trying to joke as he moved to get more comfortable. His back was starting to work out and his body was starting to settle down. He breathed in deeply again as he let go of the tension he still held.

She could feel his back relaxing under her hands. He seemed to be a little more open now that she had him relaxed and putty in her hands. "Are you sleeping at all?" She asked softly, "and are you taking anything for your back still?" She hoped he wouldn't clam up on her so she continued rubbing moving across his shoulders and his neck.

"Yeah I'm still taking my meds for my back...they don't work as well as they use to though." he said softly as he let out a sigh. "They use to help me sleep too but i haven't gotten anything but a few hours every night for the past few weeks."

She didn't even flinch as he said that. She just kept rubbing but it started her thinking. Thinking things that she didn't want to think. "I'm sorry baby." She said as she ran her hands down his back all the way down so that she was now rubbing the back of his legs. "Are you taking those more often then?" Her mind drifted back to when they were in the car. He had taken more than a couple of them while she was heading them back into town.

Doug didn't even think about the line of questioning. He was almost relaxed for once in a long time. "Yeah...only when I'm hurting...routine gets messed up working and all you know? Kind of need it for prevention so i can work.

"Yeah I know all about that." She said softly. She wasn't going to take it any further. She'd deal with it later. But it explained a little as to why he was so upset when he seen her doing it. She trailed kisses up his back to his neck, "feel better now?" She asked sliding off him to lie on the bed next to him. It wouldn't surprise her if she had put him to sleep.

"Mmm" he mumbled almost drifting into sleep. His eyes fluttered only for a moment before his body gave into the fatigue and he fell into a light sleep.

She lay back on the bed. She needed to think, this wasn't good, not good at all. How could she have let something like this happen? How could she cause this to happen? She reached over and pulled a blanket up over him before lying out on her stomach. Letting her mind go, getting lost into her own thoughts. She couldn't let this go on, but she didn't know how to put a stop to it either.

Doug slowly fell into a deeper sleep. It had been the first time he had been relaxed in awhile which allowed his mind to slow down before he tried to rest. He didn't have any dreams...any nightmares...just sleep.

She noticed him slip into a deeper sleep. She looked at the clock it was getting late. She slipped off the bed, silently so as to not wake him. She couldn't get her mind to slow down. It was going way too fast; there was no way that she was going to get to sleep now. She didn't know what she was going to do now. This was her fault, this was all her fault. She was beating herself up. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her as she lay back against the couch. She needed to find a way to help him get thru this with out it getting out in the open. She didn't want anything to happen to his job or with the girls. There was too much riding on this. There had to be something that she could do, but she didn't know what. She knew that if she hadn't said anything to Kerry she would still be working her full shifts in the ER, now whether Doug would have let her that was a different story. 'Come on Anna think' she said to herself. She wasn't getting anywhere and the hours were slowly passing by. She was going to be exhausted tomorrow.

Doug's alarm clock switched on at five and he quickly turned it off. Reaching over and not finding Anna he got up and walked into the bathroom. After taking his meds he washed his face and started to get ready for work. After getting dressed he walked into the living room where he saw Anna on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. He quietly walked over and sat down next to her. She looked like something was seriously bothering her. Although they didn't have a whole lot of time to talk Doug could always ask. "Hey babe." he said kissing her cheek as he sat down. "What's going on?"

"Hi honey, nothing really, I just couldn't get to sleep. I'm just a little tired now." She said answering him. She wasn't going to get into it with him right now, not when she was going to have to slip out the door to leave before the girls got up. She still wasn't sure how she was going to handle it. She knew that she wasn't going to let him go down. She wasn't going to watch another man that she loved do that to themselves, especially not because of her. She wouldn't let him do anything that could come between him and those girls who were sleeping upstairs. The three of them needed each other too much. She knew she needed to come up with a plan; she had to have something in her bag of tricks for dealing with this. After all this wasn't the first time she was faced with this. She tried to smile and make a joke, "I might need a caffeine injection when I get to work." She rubbed her face trying to get rid of any worry that might be on it and to try to stay awake. It had been a long night for her now and she was running out of gas fast.

At least she only had a half shift, a few more hours and she could go back to her apartment and try to sleep a little bit, if that was possible. She knew that her body would shut down on her if she didn't sleep soon, it always did. Her bathtub was calling her for a nice long soak. "I'd better get going so that you can get the girls up and ready for school, that way you won't have to answer any questions from them about why I was here all night." She reached for her purse that she had laid on the coffee table. She wanted to change the subject and give him something else to focus on, rather than her. "Here baby." She said handing him her spare key. "So you don't have to pick my locks or wait for Audrey to let you in. She thinks that you are just the sweetest young man she's ever seen. I think you've made that old woman's year. If I don't let you come over she'd be heartbroken not getting to see," Anna tilted her head to the side and tried to mimic her neighbor, "that mighty fine young man you're seeing Anna dear, he's a keeper, that he is. We need to see more of him around here." She touched his arm, "why don't you come by after you get off, maybe we can do something."

Doug smiled at her as he took her key. Having that meant more than she knew. "Yeah, i will." he said standing up. He let out a sigh as he rested his arms on her shoulders. "Sorry i fell asleep on ya last night. I was kind of tired..." he whispered giving her a small kiss. "I'm sorry you didn't sleep though..." Doug glanced at the clock on the wall. "See ya in a few hours." he said with a grin. Poor Anna did seem tired. He wished she had woken him up if she couldn't sleep. He might have been able to do something to help. He stepped back from her and pulled his keys out of his pocket as he walked up the stairs. He slid her key on along with the rest of his and smiled to himself. He pushed open the girl's door. "Wake up guys! Friday morning...and its school time!"

Anna walked out of the house and headed back to her apartment. She got changed and tried to hide the dark circles that were under her eyes. She drove down to the star bucks to get coffee before heading into work. She just hoped the morning went by fast cause she really wanted to go to sleep now. She put her things in her locker as she downed her quad latte. There should have been enough caffeine in there to kick her into gear as she headed out to triage patients.


End file.
